Colombiana Review (funny movie review)

[jmcgriff3]

Definitely deserved a 2/5. It wasn't that great. I completely agree with the reasoning behind 2/5.

[Rebels318]

I thought was this movie was amazing but then again I did see the unrated version which had decent deaths so maybe Harloff would enjoy the unrated version better

[PO3HLowell]

5.4 huh, sounds promising!

[xavier3834]

man that movie was amazin and the guy that have a black shirt u dont know nothing about movies my girl love it i recomende to watch this one colombiana

[schmoesknow]

@xavier3834 Well thanks for your comment but if you didn't like a movie I did, I wouldn't tell you that you didn't know anything about movies. We have different opinions. I am glad you and your lady liked it, I think it stinks. But that is what is great about movies, we all see them differently

[ryanmovieguy08]

@xavier3834 and you know nothing about forming comprehensive sentences! YAY!

[wannaberckstrs]

it's official. i love ellis

[nice315]

I totally agree with Mark. This would be the kind of movie that would modivate a little boy to build a fort. That or build a shrine for Zoe Saldana. Either way, you're a winner.

[Christian9TNAT3]

I have to 100% agree w/ Kristian on this one. This was a TERRIBLE movie.. Im really disappointed in Luc Besson.. Totally cliche from start to finish.. dialogue was just as bad as the plot was.. From a 10 year old girl magically knowing parkour to her new found guardian shooting up a random driver and car to prove a point (TO A 10 YEAR OLD girl) to her ridiculous revenge quest w/ cat burglar contortion skills.. how could anyone like this movie? Comparing this movie to Commando is an insult..

[cmlbelle]

I'm starting to hate on kristian.. he's too harsh.. i mean wth did you expect going into this movie.

[schmoesknow]

@cmlbelle Now I definitely respect your opinion here but when you says "starting to hate", isn't THAT a bit harsh? And again, entitled to your opinion of course, but one in the same. And to answer your question of what I expected: I expected a Rated R action film from the studio and not a PG13 film so they could milk money from the audiences. It hurt the film of what it COULD have been because of greed.

[cmlbelle]

@schmoesknow sorry....

[schmoesknow]

@cmlbelle No worries! Hey we are all passionate about film, that is why we are here right? Thanks for your comments!

[TheNewDaySucks]

could have been better if it was longer and they developed the characters better

[schmoesknow]

@TheNewDaySucks and if it was rated R

[TheNewDaySucks]

@schmoesknow that too

[onebookerofficial]

@TheNewDaySucks I agree that it would have been great if they developed it more.

[razberryclownsac]

The movie started off ok but really blew in the end. At least with Commando, they were making a goofy action movie. This movie tried to look realistic and failed miserably. A 125 pound chick firing two uzis at once with almost no recoil? Gimme a break.....

[prumott08]

:D What crawled up Kristian's ass?

[schmoesknow]

@prumott08 a bad movie

[MrTroxel]

I think Kristian had a big bowl of grumpy flakes before seeing this movie. I thought this movie was awesome.

[marvelgeek24]

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 EPIC! I loved Lost!

[AkaAnimeClub]

Tomb Raider Wanna be lol

[love2seeusmile]

Shame on him for rating it so high? How about shame on you for rating it as low as Final destination 5!?? are you kidding me? Your ratings are terrible.. you could at least rate it .1 higher for the lead role being so good to your own admission..

[TonyGMichael]

Commando has a great charm to it,this sucked serious ass!!

[TheWordOfLife1]

This has probably already been commented, but nice LOST shirt.

[boarditblack23]

Zoe was the best in the movie, she made it ok. it still sucked tho.

[Christian4life0]

Just because its pg-13 doesnt mean it cant be a good movie. By the way this movie reminds me alot about Salt. Is it really that unrealistc?

[TheNayaluv]

Was it really that bad? I mean sure some of it seemed unrealistic with your skinny chick killing men left and right, but to be honest i was excited to see it - but i agree with Kristian: dont call it a good action movie when its rated pg-13

[namsivad]

I have to agree with Kristian, this movie just looks like a waste of time.

[valentinakavh]

i liked the movie but i thought the promotion was weak, if it was Angelina playing the main role it would def get alot more attention

[BlazeTheMovieFan]

Alright, I will see this movie for sure.

In October or November since I have all movies of September planned out.

[schmoesknow]

@BlazeTheMovieFan SO your tastes in movies fall more towards Mark?

[BlazeTheMovieFan]

@schmoesknow Maybe.

[BWGgy]

It's ridiculous when frail little women are depicted as being able to beat up all those big men in these types of movies, like it's the norm now.

But I think it was funny, the only time I've heard people say that was for the Angelina Jolie Salt movie. But when I saw it, they were wrong. Because she actually looked like she had moves to make up for less physical strength! So does everybody else just knowingly like the fantasy woman movies? Cuz I like plausibly strong female characters myself.

[aassaa99]

this movie doesnt look that good but im glad atleast one of them liked

[chevypillow247]

I was let down when I herd it was pg13

[imdetamilboy]

I thought the trailer looked awesome, so i MIGHT rent it.

[Playfulpanthress]

@CoreyBrownReviews She didn't have sex in Center Stage, Crossroads, or Guess Who. Your statement is invalid.

[mccinima]

Lost Lost Lost Lost LostLost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost Lost

4 8 15 16 23 42 FTW

[BillyJustisMusic]

tremendous shirt Kristian

[TheBDub1234567]

Man... I was really excited for this, but I have agreed with Kristian to the dot every time BUT one time so I'm not gonna take my chances.

[DaRunningMan]

I'm surprised you didn't point out how Saldana was way too scrawny to be believable as some kind of ass kicking avenger. If the women from Fast Five were way too skinny and all they were doing was either sitting around or driving cars then Saldana definitely. Ain't no way you can make me believe that some little girl that barely passes 100 pounds is physically owning dudes left and right.

Same unbelievable bullshit with Angelina Jolie's scrawny ass in Salt.

[gloriamargarita]

I'm with Christian on this one... sorry Mark

[Pygmahia5]

colombi-AH-na. 

[JaneOmo123]

All I have to say is... O-ren Ishii!

[Playfulpanthress]

@JaneOmo123 Finally! Someone else said it!!!

[jtark31]

Worst trailer ever....they said, "Never forget where you came" from like a million times.

[nice315]

Mark's not a real person. He's a chimp.

[lindz111]

i had advanced screening passes but said screw it ill see fright night again! Awsome Review guys:)

[VirginiaTagz]

OMG Your T-Shirt is Fucking With My Head! Whats the Next Number?

[shanedoucette29]

i agree with Kristian. This movie coud've been better. pg 13 rating did not fit this movie. Although it did have some good scenes, this movie just didnt do it for me.

[Urgiapain]

I liked it when you guys were arguing.

[freedomguy55]

i agree with Kristian it could have been better.  Zoe Saldana was hot and awesome

[shenronzodiark]

totally agree with mark and kristian no offense but don't be such a tour de force sometimes.

[EmmCeeification]

I agree... Movies have been afraid to go for the R rating for a while now... It's also hard for me to get behind a 95 pound female protagonist playing an unstoppable killing machine. 

[crazygirl1502]

I don't like Zoe saldona, she plays the same role over and over again. The only movie that I like with her in it was star trek. I shall be skipping this movie...

[aaarsix]

the professional set the bar for bad-ass-ness (yeah I made up that word) and I thought this would at least come close, I was going to go watch this this weekend, maybe I'll just wait for DVD now.

[shadoehaze]

Piss Banana? THAT good sir, is my new favorite expression! I sincerely hope it's not copyrighted because I am clearly going to be violating that license.

[mangaas]

I would have forgiven the movie, if the action itself wasn't so shit. No cool action scenes. The last fight scene tries to be go all Bourne Identity, and ends up being "meh" These B action flicks are only cool when the action itself is awesome.

[TruArtStudios]

No one mentioned the fact that Zoe weights about 90 pounds and yet shes taking out guys that are probably 230? That's the reason why I hated Salt.

[AnonymousAnimus]

And yeah!!! Gary Oldman in The Professional was psychotically great! :D

[AnonymousAnimus]

I now know that Harloff wears the 4 8 15 16 23 42 shirt more than once ^_^

[CoolioVids101]

I agree with Kristian!

[TheSchultzZ]

haha dont fight guys

[Chulachulafaraway]

1:50 OMG that made me laugh lol

[whyruhatin]

if its ever on netflix i will watch it

[MafiaMovieMan]

Just made my review! Wasn't the biggest fan, I almost threw up when I heard you say it's better than commando. But everyone has their own opinion :)

[jakesnake244]

Good review! Love the Lost shirt man!

[brandonlamchops]

Where the hell did you get that shirt? I want!

[thehitman86]

The Professional? Why did they change the name of the movie for America? It was called Leon everywhere else.

[LokisHammer]

The Numbers!!

Nice t-shirt Kristian!! :D

[MrStulpekeker]

Haha, I Love Kristian And Mark Totally Disagreeing,Pretty funny Interactions.

"Seriously,You Gonna Be That Guy"-Mark

That Line totally had me cracking up.

Keep Up The Great Reviews,Guys!

[Burnsbot]

I love commando and I will skip this movie because of the PG rating. Why? Its an ASSASSIN movie.....dvd rental at best. People should die and it should be bloody, else I think people need to hire a new assassin not some care bear.

[Mistahealy]

Are you wearing a Lost shirt Kristian?

Don't bring up all that disappointment again man.

[InsaneBurger]

Mark I usually agree with you but you like this more than COMMANDO!!! WHAT?!?!?! This was SO TERRIBLE!

[mrebyers]

Haha. Well this seems a little too generic to spend money on.

And Zoe Saldana or however you spell it doesn't really do it for me, althogh I have no problem with her.

[reinamila]

im thinking one of you didnt like the movie. 

[Sox1512]

Do you guys use guys Flixter?

[animegirl506]

i like this movie! but i think the action sequences were better than the whole movie itself...like the boyfriend was like not neccessary and i wish there was more killing..haha

i think it is 3/5

[TomVeliotis]

Did Mark really say this was better than Commando? I love you man, but no fricken way!

[Brolyy07]

I am the 100th like:)

[FuschiaLux]

Goin with Harloff on this. "How dare you, shame on you!" haha!! Not a big fan of the main actress.. I remember her playing a similar character in that movie Losers (?) and I was just gritting my teeth while she was on screen for some reason..lol Idk, have you guys ever had that one actor/actress that you just cannot stand, at ALL on screen? She's one of the few on my list.

[Sox1512]

i agree with Kristian, comparing Colombiana and Commando is stupid, Commando is twice as better

[VampireGuardian14]

I Fuckin Knew it given I didn't know Harloff was gonna say piss banana and btw I laughed so hard I almost cried when he said that but its like the Chick version of Taken and another thing Damn ya chimp I luv ya Chimp but this movie is like a slash in the ribs

[henrik6754]

I'm gonna start calling stuff i don't like for piss banana now.

[huntjo1]

well unlike 1DARBY1 (which by the way i thought was a pretty pointless comment) i think that all the reviews are hilarious and i just love the banter that you two have. Loving the reviews guys, keep them up

[furynotes]

yeah this Movie makes me cringe.

[tylervw]

If they could make a quick montage of her walking around in her underwear, which she apparently does alot according to the trailer, I'd watch that. But the movie? Not so much.

[MGS4rules51]

the only person that can settle this.... Jeremy Jahns!

[CoZac12517]

sorry mak but i have to go with kristian on this one

[TRexCoffee]

wait wait wait...harloff...a "piss banana"? hahahaha, i never heard that before ever, i still think this looks cool

[the007napoleon]

My favorite shirt so far Kristian. Ultimate bonus points for referencing The Professional. My all-time favorite assassin movie. My favorite of your reviews is when you guys have tension-creating opposite opinions. It's awesome.

[SeeItInIMAX]

I saw this and Kristian and I have the same opinion. I also gave it 2 stars.

[TheTrueDimension]

Gotta agree with both of you!

[An8teezSlasher]

Awesome LOST shirt!

[20tom09gt]

review the professional 

[JasionJones]

I don't find black chicks attractive so I don't care if people say the girl is "sexy"

[1DARBY1]

i like you guys but why does it always say (funny movie review) when its not funny, spill.com is funny

[schmoesknow]

@1DARBY1 I hope that some people would disagree and do find the reviews funny BUT regardless. Type in Funny Movie Review in Youtube and see what happens.

[zaneoninternet]

@schmoesknow no, you guys are hilarious.

[MultiFortran]

@schmoesknow You guys are funny, but spill.com is really funny too..

[MrRatedRRedneck]

@1DARBY1 Must not be you're type of humor then.

I think the shit is funny.

[figgs83]

nice van halen shirt ellis

[MrSiikwithasmile]

Kristian not many people can pull off that hat. You are one of the few

[ericdeben]

After I heard "never forget where you came from" 3 times in the trailer I was like "I'm not seeing this. it's gonna be a shit movie that tries to be deep"

[LostFringeSuper8]

I saw Columbiana and to me Zoe Saldana made the movie. The film itself was not what I wanted it to be. I thought it was going to be some "Man on Fire" you killed my family now i'm gonna kill you type stuff but instead it was mostly a cat and mouse chase between Zoe and the FBI. I know she was picking off people but I wish it would of been done in a different way.It just didn't really feel like a revenge movie to me. I wanted more but still I'm not upset I saw it because it was decent.

[burgerboot]

Like it or not, you got to admire Mark Ellis's courage to take the unpopular stance on this movie. He obv saw it with an open mind.

[schmoesknow]

@burgerboot Hey I saw it with an open mind, wanted to love it but I thought it was piss

[llapollo52]

You should really try to step up your show a bit. Make it more professional! Because I like the reviews but the backround is a little flat.

[schmoesknow]

@llapollo52 It has been discussed believe me. We have had the poster for three years or so but we aren't opposed to it. Be patient with us and thank you for the nice words!

[chickinnoodlesoup555]

Harloff i agree with you, columbiana is not an Arnold she is hot but you cant beat old Arny

[schmoesknow]

@chickinnoodlesoup555 Yeah, just a superhero of a dude and she is fine but doesn't stand out when everyone is is awful

[Lato28l]

Viva colombia :') (Y) 

[LINKTheReaper]

the movie wasnt that bad i wod say commando was worst...

[schmoesknow]

@LINKTheReaper I respect your opinion but you break my heart

[Drewberdooba]

I love to see your reactions to each others ratings, especially when your divided on a film haha

[schmoesknow]

@Drewberdooba It is always fun to disagree

[SirGomez81]

I knew it was going to be crap just by the trailers.

[schmoesknow]

@SirGomez81 Good eye

[jkolness1994]

This was written to be the sequel to The Professional, called Mathilda, but they at random decided to change it so that it wasn't connected to The Professional and called it Colombiana.

[schmoesknow]

@jkolness1994 Very interesting, thanks for the information and now that you say that, makes a lot of sense!

[eriah13]

LOL @ yhall comparison of jason statham to zoe saldana XD

[schmoesknow]

@eriah13 Seems like something he would be in if the role called for a dude

[FarCrySUX]

@schmoesknow I love revenge films, if they're made right. I've always held Taken and Man On Fire as being the best ones, in my book. These two always had like a dark edge to them that made them feel that much grittier and darker.

Colombiana, or should I say Skinniana, looks like a cartoon and very generic as a revenge thriller. The bad guys don't even look that threatening.

[schmoesknow]

@FarCrySUX Agree with all of that

[maxonfire67]

Lost shirt!

[schmoesknow]

@maxonfire67 :) Good eye

[EZRASHUGEREVIEWS]

I agree with Harloff. This movie's terrible. So idiotic, stupid, and unbelievable.

[schmoesknow]

@EZRASHUGEREVIEWS Yeah, sloppy mess

[mrpsychopath99]

Agreed, this movie was nothing too good. I did however, get to see a screening of Drive. See it guys, such a fun movie. Drive is easily one of my favorites this year, you want a popcorn flick with excellent car chases? See Drive

[schmoesknow]

@mrpsychopath99 Really looking forward to that one.

[civilwarfare101]

I'd rather watch Cammando.

[schmoesknow]

@civilwarfare101 Smart

[civilwarfare101]

@schmoesknow

You can't beat Arnold and his corny but legendary lines.

[Akuma2unlimited]

Ehh I like the movie a little. It reminded me of Hanna and what the movie tried to do with the little girl grows up to become an assassin. Hanna in my eyes suck as a assassin movie, this movie then a ton of a lot better than Hanna.

[schmoesknow]

@Akuma2unlimited Ellis feels that way about Hanna, I dug it

[cama1112]

LOL Kris is so pissed off

[schmoesknow]

@cama1112 It always gets me when studios try to steal money by making a movie that should have no handcuffs a PG13 film

[cama1112]

@schmoesknow Yeaah, I get your point

[yungprophet1]

It was an enjoyable movie it was what it was 3.5 out of 5

[schmoesknow]

@yungprophet1 You and Ellis are on the same page!

[danberner]

didn't the title kinda give away that this movie is gonna suck?

[schmoesknow]

@danberner Could have been ok

[TheSteroidRodeo]

I believed Arnold could kick all that ass. Zoe? I don't think so.

[schmoesknow]

@TheSteroidRodeo 100% agree!!

[IamDaMadRanter]

3.5 outa 5 is a fair rating i enjoyed it too, it was a nice popcorn, rainy day movie

[Adastra14]

"think for yourself guys" ...that won the argument sorry Harloff! :P

[schmoesknow]

@Adastra14 Hey sometimes the chimp screams loud

[IrreveRANT100]

NO.MORE.PG.13.

[schmoesknow]

@IrreveRANT100 I understand it sometimes. I am a die hard Hunger Games fan and the books are brutal and PG13 scares me but I get it in that case. Potter is another one, could have easily been R, same with Revenge of Sith (if done right) but this movie?? Come on!!!

[IrreveRANT100]

@schmoesknow I totally agree :D Also another thing is, when the US gets a hold of movies by Luc Besson or ANY foreign director, they always chop it up, water it down and "Americanize" it for more money. Shame :(

[chadrageus]

Hot? Ok I guess Calista Flockhart is hot too.

[schmoesknow]

@chadrageus She is a little too skinny for me

[LoneSola]

Still love ya Mark! ;)

[LoneSola]

I saw the trailer...it told me everything I needed to know...meh, moving on! :P

[schmoesknow]

@LoneSola Agreed although we have to keep moving on for a while, think we are hitting a rough patch until we get to Moneyball

[mhammer1777]

HARLOFF IS RIGHT SORRY MARK

[schmoesknow]

@mhammer1777 This needs to be a t-shirt

[DjHamHam411]

Oh poor Mark for liking this movie. I'm glad I judged the trailer on this one here. It just looked like the writers were dishing out the same movie assassin movie but with a twist. De ASSassIN iz a Gurl.-(writers think they're so smart) After I looked up Luc Besson on IMBD I found the list of achievements he has made. This isn't one of them. The thing is every director can't make a masterpiece like Chris Nolan. :{3

[ozzstriker101]

For some reason this movie just annoyed me, I'm not sexist but I get annoyed with female action stars unless it's Angelina Jolie

[mhammer1777]

@ozzstriker101 agreed it just isnt believable because they dont have that upper body strength that men do, however sigourney weaver we always stay an action star in my head

[schmoesknow]

@mhammer1777 tell that to Chyna!!

[schmoesknow]

@ozzstriker101 I didn't mind her as much as I did the directing and the fact they milked the PG13 rating

[raptorrancher]

Just saw the Mahalo clip. Mark...Zelda from Sematary scared me so much I had to leave the theater...only time in my life!

[schmoesknow]

@raptorrancher Scary flick man

[moovieman222]

awesome review guys! and I agree with Kristian, I gave it a 2/5

[schmoesknow]

@moovieman222 Thanks man!

[tawny1000]

nice lost t-shirt

[schmoesknow]

@tawny1000 Thank you!

[hazenpaul10]

hm no top comment yet time for me to do what i need to uh hem BOOBIES!!!

[defrost34]

This movie is garbage piled on bricks of shit atop a mountain of assholes.

[TheAquaticCat]

Funny thing is Luc Besson is somehow involved in both The Professional and Colombiana, yet while one of them is great, the other one isn't.

[TheMiningManiac]

I completly agree with Harloff