Added: 4 years ago
From: TheOnion
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  • Dumb attack on the 2nd amendment.

    Suicide vests can't be used for hunting, recreation, self-defense, or any other legitimate purpose. Their only real use is to kill yourself and many others. Failed parody on The Onion's part.

  • I totally agree with the part about children. They explode much too low to the ground to do much damge. And let's not overlook the family bonding experience, as finding all the explosives and bringing them all together, like the Arab gentleman mentioned, is a tradition and heritage that each family passes down over the years. Good job bring this issue to light.

  • @0Heavy0Metal0 kids, they blow up so fast

  • This did a good job of bringing light to an important issue. I think that enforcing suicide vest safety laws is just a waste of tax payers money

  • OK that was just ridiculous!  Guns are SOOO NOT THE SAME THING!

  • ...but it's kinda sad how his brother died...

  • should a al qaeda representative even be allowed to state his opinion to his topic...?

  • @TheYouwontgetit Of course,we also need to talk to more crack users when designing crack houses

  • Napalm, or a nuclear vest XD

    If the real Al Qaeda would be people like that the world would be a very nice place to live :p

  • This debate is no different from the American debate on gun control, etc.

  • @mohamedchubby

    Well, you only train once with a suicide vest though...

  • i thought that the onion was fake really news, but hey the public media is very antigun they can't be wrong can they?

  • Suicide vest live-firing:

    "Okay, watch carefully- I'm only going to do this once."

  • 42 people never got their vest

  • I hope the new laws should include longer sentences for people involved in bombings with an 'unregistered' vest.

  • omg these people should be paid

  • Damn Clifford Baines hasn't worked a day in his life. When will the Onion have the balls to drop him from the payroll?

  • Al-Queda operative lol!!!!

  • i know this vid is a joke and all but is there really such a law?

  • @RestDayer HAHA no...you can't even buy suicide vests...

  • @RestDayer are you stupid?

  • Is this real? I can't believe people are so stupid........

  • @HallowsReign23 Its satirical comedy.

  • @HallowsReign23 and you are a fail troll

  • i need an automatic machine suicide vest to control the stray cat population

  • Oh yea, my suicide vest is just soo useful for those long family reunions

  • ahahah! it;s a family tradition, everyone would gather up all the explosives and gather around" LOLOLOL!

  • well this is how my brother died. awww

  • lol but seriously i see why people don't give a shit about school, a lot of the stuff we have to " learn " for tests have no real world uses..

  • @zamrock20 I was HomeSchooled. I learned a lot of real life things. Public school does not teach anything really.

  • @lordbrixo not saying you don't learn anything.. just not many useful things

  • @lordbrixo public school doesn't teach anything? that's why i know how to read. Think before you speak, ignorance.

  • @patman173 Yes, you do know how to read. Good for you! I bet you also know colors :)

  • @lordbrixo Yes i do. You said public school doesn't teach i quote "anything" ANYTHING. Millions are educated by public schools are doing well. Sorry not everyone could have the money your parents had to get you one on one attention. It's sad that you don''t understand that.

  • @lordbrixo

    i didn't learn anything useful after elementary school!

  • I love the Onion! No napalm vests-that is outrageous! LOL

  • ive been waiting 8 days for my suicide vest so where is it?

  • notice they don't even stay on topic, they start talking about banning when the issue is a short waiting period.

    thats pretty damn meta man

  • I just lol'ed when I saw the random guy with the turban in the chatroom.

  • @Blemo23 its the oions al qaeda operative hes in a couple more vids

  • I'm a member of the NSVA, and you can take my suicide vest: from the cold, dead mass of charred flesh and bone that used to be my chest!

  • Clifford Baines is my idol

  • They should also stick a warning on all detonators: "Keep out of reach of children".

  • "thats how my brother died" LOL

  • Get yourself to a range, and demonstrate that you know to use your suicide vest. That's all I am asking!

  • My favorite bit is the part where they say the excuse as to why they're covering for someone :P

  • They do care who they blow up xD

  • 5 day waiting period? But I wanted to sacrifice myself to the gods NOW!

  • Hehe, this demostrates how other countries see USA's right to own guns xD

    BUT, guns don't kill people. People kill people.

  • Clifford Banes needs to get his act together.

  • @TheLeviathanZero You kidding? Banes is the coolest one :p

  • OMG!! I almost peed my pants laughing at this one!! I absolutely love "The Onion News"!

  • this is the only onion video i have ever not liked there trying to compare guns to vests and why do we even have them but if some makes a threat to you and your told you have to wait ten days then that is 10 days they have to make good on there threat and you dont have to do some thing wrong to have your life threatened i dated a girl with an angry ex boyfriend a gun saved my life and i didnt even have to take his

  • Thumbs up if Onion News makes your day much much much more brighter ;)

  • "Kids really shouldn't have suicide vests because they're too short-so it won't work." Now I disagree with that statement, why can't they just make suicide vests for kids?

  • WHERE IS CLIFFORD BANES

  • @ps8hand He's about to duel the man that killed his father in order to restore his family name.

  • A nuclear vest?!!! wow!!!

  • lol 6-8 weeks!?

  • Comment removed

  • A suicide vest is a waste on fat people becasue they make the bomb less destructive. plus it smells like gravy after

  • @thedude3092 I am pretty sure the gun powder smell will get rid of the gravy smell. Don't forget, gravy on a suicide vest makes great for awesome graphic after effects. It could also be seen as giving the victims one last dinner. it is a mercy for both the fat man and his victims... as well as the remaining slim people left alive.

  • I like the onion but this is in incredibly poor taste.

  • using a suicidal vest in a proper, responsible manner :))

  • Omar al-Farouq ftw!

  • Lol

  • oh no. I didn't even know suicide vests were legal. This is just gonna cause problems.

  • NOOOO?! they're missing the point! the point of the waiting period is to check the guy's criminal records,

    if he does'nt have a past of using SUICIDE vests for a bad and wrong purpose.

  • @danielaz8888 Best comment for this vid

  • @348joey the absolute best lol

  • @danielaz8888 Yeah, how the hell did they miss that obvious joke :(

  • Suicide vests have proven time and again to be the most reliable and cost effective way of hunting waterfowl for your children. What would you have them eat in this 5 day wait? Shredded bark and Orange Crush?!? This loony law better not come to Canada!

  • Children do not make good suicide bombers because the shrapnel flies too low to do any damage.

  • haha the al queida representative

  • I tested one.....now i cant have another....

  • I'm all for the 5-day waiting period. Potential owners should be required to train at suicide vest ranges and mandatory criminal background checks should be performed to weed out anyone convicted of committing a bombing while wearing an unregistered vest.

  • lol that just kill me,this just poor choice of words. lol

  • Ya, guns in America indeed are a problem. Oh, wait we were talking about vests, my bad! ^^

  • "Family feuds."

  • Damn That Clifford Banes.

  • thts how my brother died  well he was careless lol lol lol

  • Hahaha go to a shooting range and prove you know how to use one lololol

  • @ThePyro75 indeed! 

  • anybody who thinks this is serious is a fucktard such as brillo and ruben........................t­ake an example from southpark and dont read into everything you see as an argument for a fucking political issue you fucktards.....................­........the onion news is a joke news series meant to be stupid and funny

  • they don't care who they blow up...bwahahahahahahaha

  • I watch these videos just to catch up on all news relating to Clifford Baines.

  • This is clearly a commentary on abortion. Dislike.

  • @brillo1990 How is this in any way a commentary on abortion? I assume this is a joke but with 37 dislikes perhaps I am mistaken....

  • @00Ruben Well, I figured it was too obvious to say it was a commentary on gun laws :P I just noticed that a lot of the ways in which they talked about suicide vests could have been heard as arguments for restricting abortion laws. I'm not necessarily right. :)

  • @brillo1990 or guns??????

  • @brillo1990 It's a commentary on gun laws.

  • I feel like I could watch the stuff that The Onion puts out all day long.

  • fucking retards

  • So all you have to do is make a pre-order list, so that everyone who wants a suicide vest goes onto it and gives their name, location and the location of their associates and leader. Then just kill them all before they get one. Terrorism is solved. Sort of...

  • gun control means hitting your target

  • I'm a suicide vest enthusiast.

  • Me too, but you can only use the vest once. Though there is an upside to this....think of all the virgins!

  • Yay for making fun of gun control through parody :D

  • where the fuck is clifford baynes

  • i love when people think the onion is serious

  • I would like to donate 219 suicide vests for those in congress that believe We should be forced to buy into this obamacrapola plan for healthcare...Oh that's right they all strapped on a suicide Vest when they voted Yea....time delay set...first part of November 2010. I tell ya' what!

  • i know right. giving 32 million people healthcare is sooo terrible!

  • @10thmt87 I know!! Universal Healthcare?? Who in their right mind would introduce social programs during a recession?? Does Obama want too take the same steps as FDR and become wildly popular??!?!?

  • @bobby123greenhalgh research your history a little bit more buddy. Many presidents have tried to go the route of FDR (Like LBJ and his Greater Socity). The fact is that most of these systems are a failure and end up being extremely cost inefficient. FDR's New Deal had some great programs and advanced workers rights but over half of his programs were a complete failure. The U.S. economy was saved by world war 2. Comparing Obama and FDR is apples and oranges.

  • @mrslipperyjohnson I agree that WW2 saved the economy, but FDR's programs ardly failed, his objective was to go on mass hiring spree's and he did that. Sure it was all pretty short term but that wasn't the point. As for FDR's New deal slogan and Obama's New Hope slogan is very similiar. You just need to look at Time Magazines election cover where it had Obama in a convertible with a big smile and a cigar my friend.

  • @bobby123greenhalgh sounds alot like what lyndon baines was trying to do when he created medicare and medicaid and led America towards a welfare state all in the name of fighting poverty. We know how cost efficient those programs are now, dont we? The circumstances today dont call for this unprecedented spending spree and government expansion.

  • @bobby123greenhalgh Creating new jobs temporarily in a time of extreme need is one thing, but setting up programs that wont be removed when the costs skyrocket out of control is why Obama will be seen by future generations as more in line with LBJ's Great society and not FDR's New Deal

  • @10thmt87 universal healthcare is good, in Britain we are fiercely proud of it because it works and because it promotes full equality, unlike in the USA where people are crippled for life from their debts...

  • Erm... not after November.

  • @adamsutherland But see Americans don't like depending on their government for welfare like children depend on their parents. We are the masters and the government is our servant; not the other way wrong.

  • @HailZeon57 yes its all well and good having that attitude, most people have that attitude, but health is a separate issue - common sense tells us to take care of our fellow humans hence why universal healthcare is morally brilliant, its not dependence on the government, its brotherhood and companionship of fellow men and women

  • I'm not reading through all 404 comments but please tell me that you all know this is fake!? It's completely fake. It's a sketch from a website called 'The Onion'. The usual reporter 'being at a Micheal Kors sample sale' is a massive, glaring give-away.

  • Lol suicide vests.

  • Suicide Vests don't kill people. People kill people.

  • @8ung3st:

    suicide wests don't kill people,

    I kill people,

    with suicide wests!

  • @8ung3st

    If guns are legal a person has the right to be able to kill a person, but not to actually do it. This force only serves to give a false sense of empowerment towards others and the government. If people are unsatisfied they rise up? Like when WTO meet and friendly protestors gets stopped after police commiting acts of violence masked as protestors. Preventive actions stopping peoples voices from being heard happen alot these days, the ability to vield a gun doesnt change that.

  • @8ung3st Horses are bad people.

  • @8ung3st Suicide vests help, though.

  • @8ung3st Correction, Cliford Baines kills people. With his bare damn hands.

  • @8ung3st maybe so, but the vests make it a whole lot easier. ;)

  • Great, great metaphor for gun control.

  • how else can you get rid of occupiers that invade your country to extend their hegemony and realize their economic-strategic interests?

    i believe this waiting period is an abomination. what if within those five days the US installs yet another obsequious governor? or buys off some more tribal war lords?

    it's just absurd.

  • I remember back in the old country in alquida, my family would come toghtere every month and grab money and give them suicide vests and have the monkey run around , this was a great honor for us

  • Damn government trying to take my suicide vests away! When I was a kid, we used to go into town every weekend and blow ourselves up for some spare change.

  • "just keep them away from kerosine soaked American flags, my brother died this way" lmfao

  • I love the clips when the have the Al-Quada operative on the panel. Classic!

  • Its so hillarious, watching the serious comments add up over days and days, when they finaly realize this video was meant for comedy. i knwo they must feel stupid on the inside hahaha

  • That is brilliant :D haha. I do love that Arabic bloke.

  • Me too and his other clips from the Newsroom playlist.. ;d

  • If people want to own a suicide vest they SHOULD have to take them out to a range and show they know how to use one. It's only fair...

  • @formless777 lol

  • collection item...lmao

  • the arab looking guy on the panel is classic!

  • looking through the comments only a few have picked up that this is a satire about the gun debate in america, and it is hilarious

  • I think it's more about gun control, abortion restriction, and smoking bans all rolled into one ha ha

  • lol this terrorist comes in other vids. the guy if funny as fuck! I love him!

  • hahaha u guys are great

  • Omar is the best.

  • Get your self to a range and demonstrate you know how to use it...... Brilliant

  • Dude, are you aware that it requires a tremendous amount of fanaticism to blow yourself in an act of war, much like the Kamikazis. Also most terrorists in Iraq are not Iraqis.

  • Can you substantiate your last statement with any real data? I might be willing to change my mind.

  • real data? You want real data to prove that blowing yourself up requires fanaticism?

  • No, numb nut. I said his last statement, which clearly isn't the one you posted above. Jesus fucking christ, learn to follow simple instructions....

  • Firstly, let me congratulate you on using both numb-nuts and Jesus fucking Christ, youve really lifted the discussion to a new height.

  • Secondly, I apologies that I misread his post. While I can not provide you with the exact data, I understand that most of the terrorist organisations that are operating in Iraq are actually from other countries, but simply using the country as a base because of its large amount of uninhabited land where they cant be detected. I hope I have been helpful and assisted in bringing you out of the ignorance you are clearly covered in.

  • No you haven't because you were too lazy to cite even one credible source which supports your *understanding.* Presumably, this *understanding* of yours didn't come from your own field work, so clearly you got it from somewhere? And let me congratulate you for having your head so far up your ass, that you think you're better than me because you use "ignorant" while I use "numb-nut." Yes, I suppose you yourself have brought the discussion to a new height: hypocrisy.

  • Wow... there is so much I could say to that, I am literally having trouble deciding where to start. This will probably take several posts, so please stay with me here.

    Ill start at the beginning. I did not cite any sources providing you with evidence, and I acknowledged this, as the sources I am using are a combination of people I know, backed up with information present in Heinemann HSC Contemporary History textbook, a work that prescribed for students in their final year in Australia

  • If you were to do a simple Google search, better yet, a search using Google Scholar or a University or History Association archive, Im confident you will be able to find evidence.

    Secondly, in response to your claim that I am being hypocritical by calling you ignorant while berating your use of the term numb-nuts, I apologise if my use of adjectives has hurt your feelings. Your claims and attitude that I have observed through your posts here have provided me with evidence that you are ignorant

  • Thirdly, on a point unrelated to our discussion, but relevant to one I can see developing with you, many nations in the world do hold the opinion that the American government has committed acts of terrorism. When former-president Bush declared War on Terror he was asked by representatives to submit a definition of terrorism.

  • While I do not know the exact definition that was provided, I do know that the US Administration was asked to have the definition stricken from the record when they noticed that by their own definition the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were acts of terrorism.

  • lol no its neither its the way they were taught to fight

  • it is an act of terrorism, whether from desperation, or tricked into it thorugh religous propoganda stemming from political power vying.

    it is terrorism, regardless of why

  • You're equivocating my intended definition for terrorism. By your new definition, the U.S. government commits acts of terror every day they bomb buildings and kill people, even if those people are enemies of the U.S. Now how do you like that definition?

  • yes to outside countries the us are terrorists. the taliban hated the us, considering them enemies...funny how these serious discussions happen based on comedy

  • good satire like this should create these sort of discussions

  • By that extremely careless definition, you just condemned all the founding fathers of your own country as terrorists.  Nice job.

  • According to Merriam Webster, Terrorism is "the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion."

    The founding fathers were not terrorists, they did not use terror, they used traditional methods of war.

    And yes, the US government at times uses terrorism as means of coercion, absolutely.

    One mans terrorist is another's hero/liberator/martyr. its unfortunate yet true.

  • @DelmarBos

    Actually, that's not entirely true. The Revolutionary War was very similar to the situation in Afghanistan today. It was largely an unconventional (guerrilla) war. Anyone who supported the invading force (the British crown) risked being brutalized (tarred and feathered or something similar.) Everyone would smile and nod when the British troops would come through, but then they'd report the unit's activities to the local militia as soon as they left.

  • In fact, the British thought that our methods were so dishonerable that they regarded us as "terrorists" or something similar.

    Take Washington's crossing of the Delaware to attack the Hessian position at Trenton, for example. The Hessians probably didn't dream that Washington would launch a major assault on Christmas day. Back then, that move was probably unthinkable to most people. Make no mistake - our past is not the romantic, honorable story that many of us were led to believe.

  • At least there are a few competent people in the youtube community.

    Thank you...

  • So what are you trying to say???

    I'm happy he did it. Fuck those foreign oligarchs and aristocrats they are parasites and should shot and pissed on.

  • @anonymous4now16

    I was trying to say that we've switched roles. Now we're the ones invading and oppressing other people. We're doing the same things to Iraq and Afghanistan that the British were doing to us during the Revolutionary War.

    So people who support the American side in both the Revolution and the current wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are either extremely hipocritical, or they don't know their history.

  • I agree we can't let the rest of the world think that all Americans are anything like our false corporate sponsors, I mean leaders. I support the troops I don't agree with the wars going on right now we need to concentrate on our own country and let the rest of the world cry to us for help the way they always do and USA like the great morally superior country that our people are will always find it to help out. We don't need to send foriegn aid let the citizens decide how to spend our taxes.

  • @rangerchallengebravo

    We just miss the USSR :'( We're lonely.....

  • -clap-

  • There's plenty of uses for Suicide vests outside of just suicide, they are great at fashion shows, and even better if you discover you didn't win.

  • people dont win at fashion shows :\

  • Every news agency should have their own Al-Qaeda operative :D.

  • lmao!

  • That Arab guy kicks ass. I love his "arrogant frown" expression.

    LMFAO