How I Learned to Lie, Dane Cook, and The Catholic Church

[stragonubius]

LOL even with unoriginal material, it's Still Funny. Mainly cuz you put yer own twist on how you said everything i think. George carlin felt (to me) a bit bitter in that sketch.

[psushgirl]

lol! dude, i'm a huuuge dane cook fan and i found that to be such a genius impersonation. i love the snake head move! lol!

so apparently, you've rocked from the beginning phil....good to know.

<3's

[ImSorryMsJackson]

Dane Cook-esque.

i fell out my chair dude.

[Neko231]

ur stuped -.-

[xxitsmyfault]

yet, you can't even spell "stupid".

wow, genius.

[Neko231]

that hurt my feeling so much -.-; any way what ur ponit if i dont now how 2 spell stupid

[xxitsmyfault]

well, obviously you can't spell anything. It's just ironic that you were saying that Phil was stupid when you can't even spell stupid.. so wouldn't that make you "stupid"?

I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, by the way - just pointing out a fact.

[Neko231]

i was being sarcastic

[xxitsmyfault]

this i know, pal. i was just rubbing your nose in the fact that i wasn't trying to hurt your feelings so your sarcasm and sad attempt to make me feel stupid for what i said was deemed a failure.

[Neko231]

that took u some time 2 think about it

[xxitsmyfault]

seems to appear that way, ay?

nah, truth be told i didn't see the email telling me you responded till a few seconds before i responded to it.

but thanks for saying that, it just shows me how clever i was in my response ;]

[Neko231]

i still think this guy stupid

[xxitsmyfault]

haha, alright.

As long as you can spell stupid, I don't care how you feel about Phil. :]

[wordwan]

What's a Dane cook?

*laugh*

[wordwan]

I dunno. For a moment there, you sounding like William Shatner doing Star Trek. *grin*

Heather

wordwan

[hvhswarrior53]

Wooo i love none funny people. and for the person below me, this guy didnt write that skit, even tells you he didnt. it is funny but eventhe way this guyy doesnt isnt =p.

[thizzobishi]

He loves u but he would send u to hell haha and everyone needs rent money

[ABVO77]

I'm catholic. . . .. but its ok because you make me laugh.

[Rapunzel2U]

Yeah, I the Catholic Church is pretty much the anti-Christ. Now, start on protestants and we might have a problem.

[zzot2]

Very sad......

[GreenChopsticks]

i agree. i used to be catholic but i "saw the light" ahaha

[Hexari7]

Lol the Catholic Church! That just made me laugh. Wait, you are Catholic? Oh, that was a lie, wasn't it? Damn, you are good.

[plastikcow76]

according to one of his earlier vids, he was RAISED catholic

[KornEvanFan24]

your voice is awesome, i bet you do an excellent Chris Walken impression

[MelMelz15]

LMFAO!! haha very good impression

[UnheardProductions]

LOL, you definitely act like Dane in this one.

[laurisdesigns]

wtf?!?! i only saw like a few seconds of this and i had to turn if off.. ur not Dane Cook! there could never be a second Dane Cook.. so stop trying so hard

[jwan21]

Idiot

[smileyglitter]

u do remind me of dane cook

but only a bit...in this vid a bunch

nd i think dane cook is amazing so whutev

[FeuerraderZ]

Just... not.... entertaining... in the least.

Comment on my use of "..." you putz. You know you have nothing better to do.

[YanaNLisa]

George Carlin?.. i think so.

hehe

[kazahime]

you do a great dane cook impression. Your normal videos don't remind me of Dane Cook, they remind me of you! love you the way you are

[xogilmoregirlxo]

my favorite sxephil vid EVER. Dont fuck with the catholic church, so true

[jnk0312]

"i'm catholic i'm allow to make those jokes " XD

[kyolover67]

lol, you do talk like Dane. =]

[MonkeyOctober]

lol

[HxCxSkateboarding]

are you Straight Edge? cuz sXe means Straight Edge...

[notae5]

he means it as sexy

[ask375]

well hes straight...

[madbcc]

man youre really great. :DDDDD

[MattVnation]

I'm a Yankee fan!

-MVN

[wootstop]

dane cook is awesome and so are u

[scopio78]

honestly i didn't know who Dane Cook was until Good Luck Chuck came out dam i suck but he's cute too

[skievans06]

dane cook sucks

[onepersontwoperson]

Hey Phil,

No pepper for you and no cock for you no dane cook no. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAA!!!

[WatcherMan420]

Zeitgeist

[innchick]

I love Dane Cook AND sXePhil

[MattVnation]

Dane Cook sucks cause he likes the red sox!

[carleenie]

chris can't work at the deli he's fictional :P

[HekRayzer]

FAG

[MsYumYums20246]

u suck. your not funny

[mkhpsyco]

the thing is, i dont think dane cook is that funny, he takes too long to get to the punchline, he says fuck a fuckload too much, oh, and he isnt funny

now you, you are funny, because you arent Dane cook, you do things different from him.

[LadySakurra]

dude, u may sound a little like dane cook, but you look nothing like him! maybe you should try again after you get braces and somehow get ummmmm, cute. Sorry bout my brutal honesty. Take care lol.... no i meant it take care.

[seyhovsky]

too much zeitgeist

[lebron3000]

no pepper for you,

no Dick for you lol

[heresm]

dane is acutally funny, so your nothing like DC

[mggtcrps4]

youve seen Zeitgeist! how fuckin good is it!

[peplin0523]

HAHA ur great

[psychophantom]

rofl videos like this are the reason that i love dipping into the archives

[OhSoBubbly]

Great vid. Dane Cook is funny....but you two are way different. Everyone that thinks that you are "just like Dane Cook" should go fuck themselves.

[vanillascream]

agreed! kudos to u and ur awesome comment

[KarateKidX]

when it seemed like you were trying to be dane cook, i really couldn't tell the difference.

[hot318]

talks like owen wilson zoolander

[shawgo]

sxephilis keeping the cock for himself, i guess?

[vtz8xs6]

You know technically, there are 8 things you cannot do and 2 that you should do. Just saying. Yes, I'm a jerk who can't help but poke holes using logic. I need help. HELP ME!!!

[holyblade]

rofl NO, NO pepper for you and no cock for you. KEEP GOING PHIL!

[reneex15]

not funny. you really wish you were dane cook.

[gerzie]

Eh... sometimes you are but I don't care. You're funny. Dane Cook is loud and obnoxious.

[onetimeuse12]

haha no pepper no cock for you!

[cowan220]

great viddd!! lol and all the ppl who are commenting about offending the catholic church blah blah HE IS JOKING!!! relax ppl!! GREATTTT VIDEO!

[SCRuBSGuY5]

Dane Cook isn't funny... YOU are funnier than Dane Cook..

[giostheman]

How ignorant you are. When the pope died in 1978 they couldn't even pay for his funeral. And what invisible man are you refering to? That is not a god I know of.

[shade219]

lack of knowledge of a relevent event is not ignorance, nor is it necessary to challange or doubt someone's beliefs (especially when they are joking)

u might need a mesage, it may help

[alianchild]

if the belief is fundamentaly flawed, i think it is a responsability of the inteligent to point it out.

[alianchild]

the catholic church has literaly billions of dollars in land stocks , property, art, gold, precious stones and cash, they just dont want anyone to know about it , look it up find the links between multi billion dollar companys and the church.

[alianchild]

and the catholick church has a history of sending priests to wealthy land owners who are sick and telling them that if they do not leave everything they own to the church they will go to hell, it is historical fact, explain that!

[wooooooboy]

NO COCK FOR DANE COOK!!!!!!!!!

[allieBean4]

no dane cook no

[mikeymike454]

dude in order to be a saint you have to be dead mormon and the money are donations to the chruch. just like any other religion. Just cause catholics put in more money ppl like to bullshit haha whatever phil you have no idea what your talking about and yea catholics are fucking powerful lol.

[A7XxxxRotweiler]

hehe, the part on the Catholic church I've heard before though XD

[KingFriJolez]

what was the point of ripping george carlin

[nikkeelindley]

sorry, corrupt...you'll have to excuse the typo...

[nikkeelindley]

Yo Phil, I love your vids and I agree that the Catholic Church is a big ass government gone corupt as hell thousands of years ago. But the Catholics didn't create the image of God, nor did they create the Ten Commandments. That's straight out of the Bible, and the PROBLEM with the Catholics is that they have found so many ways to go against God while proclaiming that their sins are in His name.

[wowlookitsmags64]

hahahaha..if anyone is offended by the catholic church bit, they're gay. im catholic but, freakishly, i also have a sense of humour

[girlnamedjo]

I'm offended that you think you're as good as Dane. I was bored the first 30 seconds into it. Nice attempt though, props for it.

[FaIseHope]

lol That was so funny, im not even offended. thats how funny that was. They should make more jokes about cubans. maybe then i'd be offended....hmm

[inyourwasha]

HAHAHHAHA thats funny. HAHA don't F with the catholic church. So true, because on Judgement day, you'll have God to answer too ;)

[sporkcomandar]

LMAO. That was pretty funny. he can go ahead and Make Catholic jokes..I'm a Buddhist.

[rosenlund62]

there's something shatneresque about your beginning delivery on this one, phil...............

[prettyinpink505]

you're way more awesome than dane cook could ever hope to be

[screamblead105]

u r so much better than dane cook

[varsha1010]

I agree.

[eataniguana]

I'm offended that you intentionally ripped off Carlin

[iamover18not15]

who is dane cook?!!

You're a really funny guy phil!!

[Veganosity]

Well done sir.

[kelseypantss]

I'm taking you seriously.

Only because that shit's funny.

But as a Christian Jew? I'm highly offended.

Really.

[jpasq]

He's got a good point, not fucking with the Catholic Church and all.

[stevespelling]

They should create a museum of the history of Catholic Church sins and transgressions, including the torture and murder of tens of millions of innocents throughout history in it's pursuit of power, control and domination over the world. AND A MUSEUM OF CATHOLIC PRIEST CHILD MOLESTATION WHICH HAS BEEN GOING ON FOREVER - BUT THE CHURCH THANKFULLY NO LONGER HAS THE POWER TO KEEP IT UNDER WRAPS! The Church is trying to get it's act together today.

[lostInside1325]

Catholics are all powerful!

[chonation]

ed helms + hugo weaving + dane cook

[ThugLady]

mm this is delicious cock hahahahaha

[2fr33]

Whatever, cuz I'm a philistine.

[pissedoffemo]

dane cook or not u kick ass!

[fauxe]

lol yeah YEAHHH catholics be all.. b ballin bruh

[carstereobandits]

you guys get pissed untill he touches on a subject that has to do with you. it's comedy, when comedians make fun of stuff like this, they're trying to get a reaction from you. I get BS about being mormon, you know what I say, deal with it.

[stcox1]

I have yet to hear him make fun of anything else yet. Now, granted, I have stopped listening to anything he's in. So, regardless, I still won't.

[stcox1]

I still don't agree with people making fun of other people's backgrounds. This is in general. I'm not talking about just religion. I'm talking ethnicity, physical appearance, mental disorders, or any other thing that people make fun of. There is a point when it is funny, then there is a point where it goes too far. People need to learn where the line is.

[multipurposesymbol]

great vid!

[sucksxtoxbexyou]

your probably the closest to dane cooks actual performance style than any one else on you tube

[punkybrat5430]

your great!

[38LcT2]

UR a Good ACTor

[joeman00]

well...

[taytaybaby23]

woww.. i am catholic and really hated this video. this video sucked and atleast dane cook was funny and not offensive when he talked about catholics. this was a sucky video..

[MacTire06]

You suck. Dane Cook is a better comedian. I watched your entire video and it was not funny. Also your hatred of my religious beliefs and trying to make that funny was not humorous at all. You suck. Go to hell.

[stcox1]

Wow....I just spent the last hour searching for videos you made that I thought were funny. Then I listened to this one...I don't think you have any right, what so ever to make fun of one's religion.

[stcox1]

That's why I don't listen to most comedians. They all have something horrible to say about someone else or their ethnicity, or their religion. Congratualtions! As hard as it seems that you have tried not to, you have just become like every other person who THINKS he or she is funny. You just ruined it for me, and no doubt, countless others who thought you were funny up till now. Again, congratulations on a job well done.

[dcyxc2004]

wow,you sound catholic...

[stcox1]

I'm not. But thanks for asking.

[earlledesma]

bravo! aahah

[camguitar14]

does this guy think hes funny?

[KORVELLO]

the mother of all lies rome indeed!

[briiian79]

be orginal - douche

[zombiemanda]

dane cook is the fucking shit...fuck you. You're not even funny...like AT ALL...go die.

[xbgt85]

first off, I like the videos you come out with this one could be considered offensive to some but i just find it funny and on a side note you know saint christopher wasnt desaintified as you put it they just removed christophers feast day in 1969 due to lack of historical evidence.

[xoguitargirlox]

yea..u are alot like dane cook..he's better tho but if u came out first w this kinda comedy originally then evryone wud b talkin about u

[goodderf]

You do know you can't become a saint till after you're dead right?

[dantemustkill]

LOL

i think the reason dane cook is so popular is because he gives us guys a look at what were really like on the inside...

fuck you people are think you have to compare people to others and pee on their parade of whatever it is there doing fuck you... Phil.... im subscribing now

thank you

~JAB

[ninjachickdee]

your gay

dane cook is way better than you

[soccerismygame14]

dane cook is so much funnier than you. get a life and a job. and keep the job.

[AaronJ121]

You do your Dane Cook impression so good! Ever thought of doing stand-up? It seems your YouTube act is to be like him, so why not take it to the stage?

[Jaymelauren02]

I' think you're halarious, honestly, but I' catholic && I found this VERY offensive.

You're not funny in this video, && Dane Cook is MUCH better than you, && when he did his "Catholic Ramble" it was MUCH funnier than you, && he said absolutley NOTHING offensive.

Get a life.

[googsux]

ugh, do have an actual job yet?

[ferrettoes]

dude stop it... u arent funny. Plus I sorta find this offensive. If you're going to slam people's beliefs, do a rant about why everybody thinks you arent funny. Cause you arent. So stop. Please excuse my lack of punctuation.

[ChuckTheDuce]

honestly hes not funny at all......hes trying to be like dane cook hes a loser i could do that same thing he can hes not funny

[ChuckTheDuce]

man fuck u, ur a dumbshit....u need to get ur ass wooped u dumb fuck......

[Whyndom]

Dane Cooks retarded, phil is actually funny. deal with it.

[martyelm]

it doesnt matter if the styles are the same. if it's funny, does it matter?

[MICHISMO]

XD I love the commentor that quoted the Old Testament and also choose to include the word "fuck" in his comment.

[Madylicious14]

ahhhhhahahaha I love it.

[elabringino]

i love u phil, and i know u're a good soul, but this vid kinda dissappointed me. =(

[WonSpecNificent]

ahh this explanes it

[dream4eternity77]

I agree with you, thats why my beliefs are quite christian like, but go against what a lot of the normal beliefs and conventions are. Oh, and they don't request money for god, its for giving back to the church ;D Just thought you might wanna know.

[TarePandaBish]

i love how half the ppl leaving comments don't even get that you're mocking the ppl who think you're like Dane Cook. i mean, i get how they think the syles are kinda the same, but who the fuck cares?

[kylemorne100]

"dude yu are a fucking idiot, no one likes oyu. i am catholic so stop fucking with them. cause they WILL fuck you up. stop trying to be dane cook or george carlin! go fuck yourself!"-quote from jub3377.

"those who speak blasphemy shall surely be put to death".-Old Testament, Leviticus 24:16

enough said.

[tundra1992]

ummm this guy rambles to much i mean i love a good rambling but this is just boring. plus i like dane cook

[TheJamMan69]

sooooo funny, u rule!

[kliles0013]

Blah, Blah, Blah...this guy is so stupid! I couldn't even make it through the whole video!

[jub3377]

dude yu are a fucking idiot, no one likes oyu. i am catholic so stop fucking with them. cause they WILL fuck you up. stop trying to be dane cook or george carlin! go fuck yourself!

[OneAddictiveDrug]

This guy is retarded!! Did he just wake up one day and think that he could act like Dane fuckin' Cook?!? Uh---ha ha. I don't think so. He needs to shut his mouth and leave it to the REAL Dane Cook.

Thanks

[ROHisLife]

Fuck Dane cooke, He sucks cock, you rule.

[rawwkinfool]

hahaa It all true!!

[alania15rus]

wtf are u talking about dane fucking cook rocks ur fucking ass so shut the fuck up u dumm ass, none of what u said was funny

[weirdshinobi4077]

dane cook is a fucking god. and so is goerge carlin. you fucking suck. YOU ARE NOT FUNNY GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! I HOPE GOERGE AND DANE FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS!!!!

[inperception]

I imedietly felt a craveing to beach slap you, when you started that shit "hands all over the place"... thats just enoying... I'm an orthodox cristian, and I find all clever jokes good... no matter what they are jokeing about... to you my friend I can only say go fuck some chik, or dude, or what ever you'r fucking couse you'r to nervous for the streets...chill out

[gamefanfido]

why dont you quit bashing other religions man

dane cook is funny

you? you are not

James 4:7

[kuwlij]

the thing he says about the money is true... where i live all churches are nice and decorated with gold trimmings etc. and all the land they own here! yet they do fund raising for the poor. with all that money they got they still want more!

[oOlexiiOo]

you are very hyper. XD

[bricheez2290]

no pepper for you!

[ragecd]

Catholicism didnt invent the God thing. Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam all have their form of God that watches everything. This guy in the video just seems kind of ignorant. But hey, I give you credit for putting yourself out there. Keep it up

[AmDes]

as a catholic i laugh because its a funny joke. chill people theres enough catholicism to go around for everyone and to have a good laugh AT THE SAME TIME.

[garfunkelgrl]

As a Catholic, I have two words for you: fuck you.

That's true Catholicism.

[Sakrien]

Rock on! Catholic owns you noob :P.

[pwil30]

you wanna know why the catholic church was able to prove millions of people that there is a God? Its cause their right. and people who are smart actually realize that. find something that you can actually make sound believable. and at least try to make it a little funny.

[Lieba]

That was fucking awesome.

[IIrockstarx3II]

this video is so incredibly dumb and arrogant..wow its not even funny little dane cook wannabe..

[michkadcha]

dude .. hehe... there's nuthin wrong with the Catholic Church.. it's just so easy to rip on them cuz everyone's ignorant of what it really is...

i know that u probably don't care but i had to say it anyway...

[altoidyoda]

Uh.... what? The Catholic church didn't invent the 10 commandments. And why is their belief in god different from any other religion? Just because he talks fast doesn't make him clever or any more relevant.

[truthfulXXlies]

hm... acually, once you said that, i noticed, you present yourself a lot like dane cook...

[BrYanwithaY1986]

This video sucks

[altoidyoda]

yup

[beeofdoom1]

well why did you just do that

ya fuck with the catholic church, your in the "everything I stand against" catagory now.

Bitch.

Aint even funny, so quit offending people.

[kate1637]

how about you go fuck a roster.. okay he can post what ever the fuck he wants

[sulouh]

YOU SAD FUCK

[FATMAN22558]

I didnt say mother f en

[bluebird20007]

you.legend.that's it

you rock sxephil

Don't go getting excommunicated.