One problem with passion is that our passion can make us passive in the face of strong desires that may seem to "take us over" -- desires that may feel all the more exhilarating if we *do* let them take us over and let them sweep us away. One (unintended) consequence of the feeling that you have a "free pass" is that you may feel free to be swept away -- and may feel free to ignore what other people might want. Both "passion" and the "free pass" can be dangerous. Hard to know how to handle them.
so that example seems extreme/improbable. Yet, as David pointed out, we American men can find plenty of reasons to claim a "free pass:" a threatened masculinity (including "she dared me to"), or "she's just irresistible" (which means, literally, I cannot resist *her* force of attraction, so it's not my fault), or "she really wanted me" (both of these are especially relevant to Slut Walk, of course), among way too many others. I have felt the pull of them too.
Oh. My. God. Thank you, Kendra, and thank you, David, for this candid and sobering episode. I think it is all-too-easy for men to feel they have a "free pass" about this. For example, in some societies (perhaps Cameroon??) "everyone knows" that a man and a woman alone in a room will "simply" break out in "uncontrollable" passion -- both of them. So it is "obvious" to "everyone" that a woman who resists is "only making a token effort." Of course, (most) Americans don't believe that (any more),
One problem with passion is that our passion can make us passive in the face of strong desires that may seem to "take us over" -- desires that may feel all the more exhilarating if we *do* let them take us over and let them sweep us away. One (unintended) consequence of the feeling that you have a "free pass" is that you may feel free to be swept away -- and may feel free to ignore what other people might want. Both "passion" and the "free pass" can be dangerous. Hard to know how to handle them.
TheRunSilentRunDeep 1 month ago
so that example seems extreme/improbable. Yet, as David pointed out, we American men can find plenty of reasons to claim a "free pass:" a threatened masculinity (including "she dared me to"), or "she's just irresistible" (which means, literally, I cannot resist *her* force of attraction, so it's not my fault), or "she really wanted me" (both of these are especially relevant to Slut Walk, of course), among way too many others. I have felt the pull of them too.
TheRunSilentRunDeep 1 month ago
Oh. My. God. Thank you, Kendra, and thank you, David, for this candid and sobering episode. I think it is all-too-easy for men to feel they have a "free pass" about this. For example, in some societies (perhaps Cameroon??) "everyone knows" that a man and a woman alone in a room will "simply" break out in "uncontrollable" passion -- both of them. So it is "obvious" to "everyone" that a woman who resists is "only making a token effort." Of course, (most) Americans don't believe that (any more),
TheRunSilentRunDeep 1 month ago
I was about to say "not me!" and then I was like "oh wait, there was that one time..." Damnit! File me under genderqueers with bad experiences.
AndyTehNerd 1 month ago