Yes it is very common. Even if when a deaf person speaks very well, they are looked more highly than those who only sign. Especially when they are not as intelligent as the ASL deaf person, it gets overlooked. I'm glad you brought it up because it happens too often especially when there are a couple of deafies working or going to school. I often wonder about deaf people's speech, if their voice quality is good or what, is it possible for them to speak almost perfectly especially if born deaf.
Wow, that's rough on you. Damn, the problem is even though your brother does understand you when you talk BUT most of hearing people may NOT understand you. Been there and done that myself. But right now my brother understands me? Just on and off. That is normal because he lives out of state & we only see each other every X-Mas, that's it. Nobody is perfect.
However I can see where you are coming from. It is your choice whether you want to use your voice or not. He should have respect that.
This reminds me so much of the White people I have known who say they like a certain Black person who is a "great guy." Why? This Black person has made ALL of the effort to accommodate/fit in, makes all the effort to meet more than halfway, even seems not offended by racism, etc. That "great guy" is usually that White person's only Black friend. That White person usually says, "I can't see color," or, "he is just a friend, not Black to me," -- AS IF the IDEAL is not being Black. Ugh.
I just see lots of parallel with the majority culture DEMANDING that minorities do ALL the work, more than 50% of the effort, when the minorities are those that are being oppressed in the first place. That is just not fair. Not only is it unfair, it is a further example of oppression.
@Banerika Yes -- this is one reason why I do not use my voice most of the time for Hearing people -- the way I see it, I end up giving them full accommodation, but they do nothing to accommodate me. So the relationship is unequal.
Thanks, it just struck me. I talked with White people in college who said, "I wish I had more Black friends, but they just stick to their own, and sit at the same tables for lunch," etc. I always asked them, "Why didn't you make the effort, and sit down at their table?" And they'd say, "Oh, I'm intimidated or uncomfortable ... being the only White person." So they weren't willing to feel uncomfortable even for a minute.
Thanks. I just see this phenomenon all the time. It is a familiar pattern in the relationship between the oppressor and the oppressed. You can't sell out who you are to be "liked" by the majority. Do they deserve to live in a world where nothing is uncomfortable, not even for a minute, and there is no learning curve? Never having to challenge themselves to cross cultures, while everyone else is forced to alter themselves/their culture to fit in? It's simply not right.
So does this mean that your brother is NOT a great guy because he does not sign all the time? : )
once i had a family member say "you know its rude when you and so and so just sign to each other cuz it can seem secretive or folks will feel left out." I just smiled really big. And she was like OH - i get it.
We are always left out so the wee few times when we might have some measure of equality all the sudden it is "hey not fair"
John Lee Clark - poet, publisher, and Deaf-Blind activist once gave a presentation about a Deaf colleague who had a CI, lipread, and spoke and was lamenting about how at social events with her hearing husband or at work the burden was always on her to do all the accommodating. She was seeking advise so he said - how about u dont meet them 98% on their side but rather go truly to the 1/2 mark and see if they will come the full 50% towards u. That is the true place where everyone is investingV p
Re: CC - you can always turn off the volume and sit down and then the chap really might have a legitimate complaint because u would actively be depraving him of something that was natural and comfortable and egalitarian for him but to say u should not have the right to CC because it was visually distracting to him is equal to you insisting that he have not sound or cc for ASL videos and he just sit through it like a "Good Guy"
we dont realize the arrogance of our privilege status
Yes it is very common. Even if when a deaf person speaks very well, they are looked more highly than those who only sign. Especially when they are not as intelligent as the ASL deaf person, it gets overlooked. I'm glad you brought it up because it happens too often especially when there are a couple of deafies working or going to school. I often wonder about deaf people's speech, if their voice quality is good or what, is it possible for them to speak almost perfectly especially if born deaf.
deafmommy 1 year ago
Wow, that's rough on you. Damn, the problem is even though your brother does understand you when you talk BUT most of hearing people may NOT understand you. Been there and done that myself. But right now my brother understands me? Just on and off. That is normal because he lives out of state & we only see each other every X-Mas, that's it. Nobody is perfect.
However I can see where you are coming from. It is your choice whether you want to use your voice or not. He should have respect that.
InsaneMisha 1 year ago
This reminds me so much of the White people I have known who say they like a certain Black person who is a "great guy." Why? This Black person has made ALL of the effort to accommodate/fit in, makes all the effort to meet more than halfway, even seems not offended by racism, etc. That "great guy" is usually that White person's only Black friend. That White person usually says, "I can't see color," or, "he is just a friend, not Black to me," -- AS IF the IDEAL is not being Black. Ugh.
Banerika 1 year ago
I just see lots of parallel with the majority culture DEMANDING that minorities do ALL the work, more than 50% of the effort, when the minorities are those that are being oppressed in the first place. That is just not fair. Not only is it unfair, it is a further example of oppression.
Banerika 1 year ago
@Banerika Yes -- this is one reason why I do not use my voice most of the time for Hearing people -- the way I see it, I end up giving them full accommodation, but they do nothing to accommodate me. So the relationship is unequal.
DrDonGCSUS 1 year ago
That's right. I think that's a good decision.
Banerika 1 year ago
@Banerika Good analogy.
DrDonGCSUS 1 year ago
Thanks, it just struck me. I talked with White people in college who said, "I wish I had more Black friends, but they just stick to their own, and sit at the same tables for lunch," etc. I always asked them, "Why didn't you make the effort, and sit down at their table?" And they'd say, "Oh, I'm intimidated or uncomfortable ... being the only White person." So they weren't willing to feel uncomfortable even for a minute.
Banerika 1 year ago
Thanks. I just see this phenomenon all the time. It is a familiar pattern in the relationship between the oppressor and the oppressed. You can't sell out who you are to be "liked" by the majority. Do they deserve to live in a world where nothing is uncomfortable, not even for a minute, and there is no learning curve? Never having to challenge themselves to cross cultures, while everyone else is forced to alter themselves/their culture to fit in? It's simply not right.
Banerika 1 year ago
A clear case of audism based on your brother's words. Thanks for sharing your vlog with us.
DeafArch 1 year ago
So does this mean that your brother is NOT a great guy because he does not sign all the time? : )
once i had a family member say "you know its rude when you and so and so just sign to each other cuz it can seem secretive or folks will feel left out." I just smiled really big. And she was like OH - i get it.
We are always left out so the wee few times when we might have some measure of equality all the sudden it is "hey not fair"
pdurr 1 year ago
John Lee Clark - poet, publisher, and Deaf-Blind activist once gave a presentation about a Deaf colleague who had a CI, lipread, and spoke and was lamenting about how at social events with her hearing husband or at work the burden was always on her to do all the accommodating. She was seeking advise so he said - how about u dont meet them 98% on their side but rather go truly to the 1/2 mark and see if they will come the full 50% towards u. That is the true place where everyone is investingV p
pdurr 1 year ago
Re: CC - you can always turn off the volume and sit down and then the chap really might have a legitimate complaint because u would actively be depraving him of something that was natural and comfortable and egalitarian for him but to say u should not have the right to CC because it was visually distracting to him is equal to you insisting that he have not sound or cc for ASL videos and he just sit through it like a "Good Guy"
we dont realize the arrogance of our privilege status
peace
p
pdurr 1 year ago
@pdurr My family does not get that.... I've tried pointing it out....
DrDonGCSUS 1 year ago
perfect example of Audism i face all my life !! :)
bearpax52 1 year ago
@TheASLFire Yes, I think it's a clear case of audism.
DrDonGCSUS 1 year ago