MST3K The Touch of Satan 10/10

[kftc88]

Being in that kennel must be really uncomfortable for Kevin. I tried that as a ten year old (admittedly only for a medium size dog) and it was not pleasant.

[PerryPlanet]

And then Stan and a bunch of other investment consultants packaged those soul portfolios into soul-backed securities, which were then bundled into collateralized soul obligations, which were sold in pieces to investors who took out soul default swaps, which were also bundled and sold off in pieces. But the quality of the souls was often poor, so when investor confidence dropped the whole system came crashing down, which is why hell's economy is now in the toilet.

[jmaxcamp]

bad dog!

[Imawizardbro]

This was the most awkward movie I have ever had the misfortune of sitting through. However, I learned an important lesson from this episode: NEVER SELL YOUR SOUL TO STAN.

[84MadHatter]

hmmm . . . for some reason i want a hot young blond to hit me repeatedly with a rolled up news paper and tell me am a bad dog

[MrHorrorFan]

The end of this film was actually kinda sweet, in a weird, twisted, retarded, Satanic kinda way. Damn. Now I want some walnuts...

[Eddie820]

So he uses his deal with the devil to save a 127 yr old chick with horrible communication skills. I woulda gone for god like electric guitar playing.

[albaqara]

"I have the feeling this guy is going to be a fairly minor soldier in satan's army."

[PCGamer77]

Just think: None of this evil stuff would have happened if they had just taken up pecan farming instead of walnut ranching.

[mceltix2011]

Dude, I just sold my soul to the devil for ice cream and an air conditioner! Jeeez. If I knew he was such a trickster, I would have asked for a packed bowl too!

[Gigrantula58]

AAHHH....THE DEVIL!!!!!

[heartseed]

You must admit, these two were meant for each other: they're of average attractiveness, make the same stupid sort of decisions, nearly emotionless, and they're both duller than a sack of doorknobs.

[SmokingSpoon]

I didn't understand the whole thing with her sister :S. Why she burned her ?

[Tanyableu]

@SmokingSpoon I think, in a better movie, the act could be construed as a means of ending her sister's mental torment. Here, it's just more mindless boredom...

[uuuultra]

SHOW SOME TIT

[kapsi]

Maybe...the fish is satan.

[Kinemacolor]

Still, it was better than Twilight.

[apfelgarden]

It ended on a pause. 

[MartinRussellSchmidt]

Say what you will, despite the plodding pace and general cheesiness, I liked the relationship between these two leads more than what you see in nearly every romantic comedy, at least Jodie and Melissa didn't make me want to punch them for being so irritating.

[DAVIDInitiative]

Would I have destroyed my soul to save the life of Melissa? Nope, I'd let that demented woman wilt away like the hundred-year flower that she was - I mean, come on, I got her naked and had sex with her in broad dayiight, what more do I want?

But would I have destroyed my soul to save the life of our babysitter, Steffi? Uh, hell yeah. After I get her naked and make love to her in broad daylight, she can read me Green Eggs and Ham. I like a woman who appreciates a good book.

[UpSky2]

A witch without a soul is like a fish without a house.

And by the way, was that a completely stupid ending, or what? and they didn't even manage a good-enough scene-melt when her face changed back again... disappointing in every way, beyond excuses.

The only interesting person in the movie is Lucinda. Once she leaves it, the thing just wilts up and dies.

[MegaHAnzIV]

"Good, so we're both in the clutches of the devil cause you wanted seconds" busted out laughing

[Theburn77]

bad dog!

[Clouise44]

The credits scared the crap outta me.

[guitarhero2211]

pfft. i'm gonna go za some people. maybe that will make me feel better about this movie

[116Bears]

Shout out to the BEEZ!

[GamaScythe]

"No Bark!"

[menstruatingorchid]

He should have called upon the power of Chuck Norris.End of story.

[Xatike]

Weirdly enough this reminded me of Twilight. Too bad that Bella doesn't see Edward as the nasty old perv he really is.

[corle1]

I had a crush on Beez when i was younger.

[TheHamboneharry]

Steffi - Beez McKeever, and i agree, she's a hottie =)

[dnewhope777]

Did anyone notice that Satan talks to them in their own voices? Hmm.....food for thought.

[ComradeZaitsev]

"Ah, see, this isn't even the area code for hell."

How do you know that, Mike?

[Dulcimerist]

I wish she would hit me with a newspaper!

[GusF]

If an MST3K film, this wasn't really that bad. It may even be watchable on its own.

[ebonisnowe]

This was like some kind of bastardized-bizarro reboot of Manos :(

[devospud]

NO! NO BARK!

[bleckybob]

this is where the fish lives? they really put some effort into this scipt! and the guy asks how many boyfriends she has? what kind of a skank does he think she is right off the bat? can anyone say Ménage à trois?

[QuikVidGuy]

And now, to tie the beginning to the end... I FUCKING LOVE THIS BABYSITTER!!

[scooteratreides]

Merciless hell this was boring! Hobgoblins sucked out loud but at least things happened--horrible, unwatchable things, but things nonetheless! My God, the most exciting moment throughout the entire film was that little skip in the end credits!

[DementedJuggalette]

sooo teaching my kid to prepare for bedtime like Brain Guy does.

[PikachuColoredPichu1]

AAH, THE DEVIL!

[baileytal]

I wouldn't mind getting spanked by Beez McKeever.

[Oppledeldoc]

@baileytal Why in the world wasn't she in front of the camera more often?

[trapadoored]

@baileytal

she seems to be able to act pretty well too. Wonder whatever happened to her after the show ended.

[HerrSchenkel]

@trapadoored She (and a lot of the other MST3K crew) are starring in some video game called DarkStar

[OttoTorrens]

Cookie Monster!

[95greenhorn]

you know, we're gonna have illiterate jackals in 9 months. hahaha, god i miss this show

[mrhat1978]

"a litter of" not "illiterate"

[pretorious700]

@mrhat1978 actually. "illiterate" may be more accurate.

[otherfool]

Apart from the terrible pacing not that bad a movie, really...

[lickstickly]

damn any1 else think Melissa was HOT

[Kinemacolour]

Possibly, but she needs to be removed from the 70s first.

[Tareltonlives]

Well, until she turned into Sigourney Weaver at the end

[dan1216]

@lickstickly I do! :)

[VinegarEater]

I'm just remembering Master and Margarita. Who would be crazy enough to include Satan in a love story?

Bulgakov did it artistically, these people made it hilarious.

[Gomess]

I don't think this movie's depiction of the devil bears quiiiiiite as much analysis as Bulgakov's. =p

Touch of Satan = "HE'S EVIL!" The end.

[modchic720]

"Don't let her die, I love her!"

*shot moves to Melissa's aging face*

Tom: "WHOA-boy, no I don't!"

[VerySourLemon]

I thought it was kinda cute that Observo had a Cookie Monster doll.

[hardluckart]

LOL @ 1:30

[CarryLarry]

NO! NO BARK!

[Woodseone]

"we're gonna have a litter of jackles in 9 months you know"

[sillygrl23]

Wow, I mean, don't get me wrong, it was sweet how he would go through Heaven and Hell to be with her. But giving your soul to the devil so that your woman can be young and hot forever so you can bone her to your hearts content. Yeah......I dont know..... On the one hand that was funny the way they got scared and ran out of the theater when the credits started to skip. HAHAHA! *the credits jump* "Ahhhh THE DEVIL!" "Run! Get out of here!"

[jimmyThePiep]

Yea, I'm kindof surprised Satan took time out of his schedule for a contract to help teenagers boink.

... Then again he spent 1 whole Christmas stalking children and attacking Santa, so..

[Ecronyte]

Yeah, I'd really think he'd have better stuff to do. You know, serious stuff, like trying to tempt bread delivery men into lazy selling habits.

[tarlcabot18]

So...he wanted to have sex with her some more, so he automatically calls on Satan so that they're BOTH eternally damned.

Good. God job. You give men everywhere a bad name.

...she wasn't even that hot to begin with.

[LordofFliesBeelzebub]

@tarlcabot18

And he wasn't that hot to begin with either so it all evens out!

....oh who am I kidding no it doesn't...

[Thompsongs]

@tarlcabot18 I dunno, I found her attractive. I prefer the redhead in "Squirm", but still...

[Shadowlynk]

@Thompsongs She's pretty, in a floppy Rhoda kind of way, but she's not even remotely "eternal damnation" pretty. Seriously, your soul is VALUABLE. Get the whole package! Full supermodel upgrades for the both of you! Don't leave your sister out of the eternal youth and protection from fromikidal mania clauses! Well behaved walnuts! Multiple lifetime supplies of CARNATION ICE CREAM!

[trapadoored]

Brian

[ScaryCareBear]

"ARGH THE DEVIL!"

[jwil41589]

This movie probably had the thinnest plot of all the mst3k movies. Where do they find this stuff?

[AncelDeLambert]

I think they bury a theater director and let him ferment for ten years.

[trapadoored]

wait a minute stan johnson C.P.A sounds eerily like-Pitch! That trickster.

[NUTCASE71733]

@trapadoored

Paul Chaplin played both characters so yeah.

[1Spyke23]

Fools instead of turning to Lucifer for help they should have looked to the only power in the whole of the universe that can best that of the Devil and that my friends is....... (long dramatic pause) Walnut Shaped Fish dipped in CARNATION ICE CREAM!

Warning may rebel and form an uprising if not handled properly

[ShyriaDracnoir]

Do not taunt CARNATION ICE CREAM-dipped Walnut Fish.

[sillygrl23]

Thou Shalt Not have Any Other Walnut Fish dipped in CARNATION ICE CREAM BEFORE ME!

[Oppledeldoc]

It's hard not to envy them getting stuck with Steffi the babysitter. But I agree with Brain Guy about repetitive entertainment. That's why I watch MST, with its out-of-left- field jokes.

I can't help it, I like rural horror stories, including THIS one. To me, it's right up there with Bierce and Wellman stories.

[Gomess]

For some reason, I always imagined Beez would look like the female lead from Space Mutiny. I'm glad I was wrong!

[Tareltonlives]

"I don't trust this, Mike; this could just be our longest pause yet..."

[livinintwilightzone]

You are telling me that she just wasted 127 years without sex which would release her from her ties to Satan?

Why, pray tell did she not do this uh...the FIRST DAY?

[randomlaughingman]

'and my souffle fell!'........'who's got it going on? me! that's who'.....'there's been a walnut uprising!'

[mst3kservo]

Were gonna have a litter of jackals in 9 months" I think I went a little.

[couchfort]

Soooo, the moral is Satan is good if love is involved?

[Gripweed94]

@couchfort I've no idea. All I know is, if your credit sequence starts going in the wrong direction, head for the hills.

[CPuff8D]

I'm still trying to figure out that "This is where the fish lives" thing. that's right up there with "Flag on the Moon" from the Beast of Yucca flats!

[tdpatriots12]

Also "Potatoes are what we eat" from Deathstalker.

[livinintwilightzone]

"Watch out for snakes!"

[StoneColdSergio]

Well, nothing's worse than selling your soul to Milhouse. He'll play little war with toy soldiers with it!

[Kinemacolour]

So who were Luther and Molly?

[htomsirveaux42]

satan issued parents?

[hollyhuffstutler]

a litter of jackals

[EternalGuardian07]

Mike: Good. So we're both in the clutches of the devil 'cause you wanted seconds.

[RadcliffOfCrymod]

So in the end, Satan wins huh?

Yeah, pretty much a shutout for Satan.

AAAAAAAHHHHHH THE DEVILLLLL!!!

[Snapscape]

I miss Joel. I felt he was better than Mike. The show is still great though.

[11Jamie11]

You don't miss Mike too? The show is gone, you know.

I used to rate Joel > Mike, but I'm torn now. Someone made a good observation that the robots and Mike had a terrific underlying antagonism that spiced up their interactions, and I find that true. OTOH Joel gave us the dynamite skit where he and the bots all get blowed up real good (I think it was in a B/W sea-person monster movie episode), which is my all-time favorite SOL moment.

[Snapscape]

I know the show has run out long ago. The reason why I like Joel more is because he had a comical voice which worked perfectly with the robot voice actors of the time. The show in general had more color. Mike does well too though I'm more of a fan of Joel since started watching it before Mike came in.

[Ashkihyena]

*Credits scroll backwards*

AHHH, The Devil!!

This guys going to have a tiny picture in Hell's newsletter.

[zombiepi]

haha I knew that fish line would be the stinger

[GenjyoSanzoOTS]

AHHHHHHHHH THE DEVIL

[DrGregoryHouseIT]

"Don't let her die, I love her!"

Melissa gets old

WHOA boy! No, I don't!

[mythbri]

"Good. So we're both in the clutches of the Devil because you wanted seconds."

[kamiazee]

ok, when the credits reversed a little i almost cried due to laughter

[Ganondorfdude11]

So apparently all you have to do to get possessed by Satan is raise up your hand and ask politely. I thought it would be ickier.

[NUTCASE71733]

Well, we can never really trust what the chruch says entirely. They don't make the rules, they just teach.

[ShyriaDracnoir]

@Ganondorfdude11 I dunno, bastard stood me up at the Bennigan's when I tried to invoke him to get out of paying my bill. Had to clean the bathrooms. Was not pretty.

[JoeThePlumber75]

After seeing this episode several times, I'm starting to really like the movie. For a bad movie, it's actually quite good. And I don't know what it is about Emby Mellay, but there's something about Emby Mellay.

But then again, I've been known to defend "Manos", so I obviously don't know what I'm talking about.

[RadcliffOfCrymod]

"But then again, I've been known to defend Manos"

Oh man, please say it aint so! O _ O The devil DEFINITELY has you in his clutches. You need to be saved, NOW! :P

[pretorious700]

@JoeThePlumber75 I think "Emby Mellay" is "mildly attractive 70's b movie babe" spelled sideways.

[sgtdoom999]

were gonna have a litter of jackals in 9 months ya know.

[stormriderWI]

I just sold myself to satan

oh ya did

[jackrubyultima]

*Credits skip*

Ah! The devil!

Lets get outta here!

[harlanmiller]

& the moral of the story is "if you drive by a dirt road leading to a lake...just keep driving."

[TheInnerSanctuary]

"Great, now we're BOTH in the clutches of Satan because YOU wanted seconds!"

[HarryPotter1992x]

Brain guy with a cookie monster! XD

[punksweetss]

Funny moment with mads this episode

[sillygrl23]

Jody: Don't let her die I love her! *shows Melissa aging to a gnarled old woman* Servo: "Woah, no I don't!" LMAO!

[bradlejd1964]

Man, those walnuts are really ripping through the hay! LMAO!! My favorite line in the whole movie!

[Garnetsigma]

Okay, out of the dozens of questions this movie left me with, the one that's always bugged me is this: who the heck were Luther and Molly if they weren't really Melissa's parents?

[nerdasssss]

Satan-issued parents?

[insanedemonspaz]

Wow, this movie was so unscary it made the remake of House of Wax terrifying.

[srb300]

I'm tempted to go back through this movie and actually time the pauses, but I don't think I could take watching that crap again. The bots and Mike made it almost bearable though.

[KyraWolf]

This is where the fish live.

[clemmyjohnson]

Be sure to launder your soul before thrifting it out to Satan!

[TheRagingCelt]

One of the best shows from the Sci-Fi years! And Beev McKeever as the babysitter is just too damn cute! NO BARK!

[circle72099]

What the heck are you trying to say?! It's like I'm reading individual words strung together for no purpose.

[vlcupper]

Maybe that's what happens when you mix medication.

[CarolinaOcelot]

James Joyce has arisen and is posting on YouTube!

[lamancha2]

I think it's a reference to someone called RagingCelt from a few pages back.

[klickenpod]

so brain guy is crow and bobo is tom servo... right? i still need to get that 100% clarified... herm.

[htomsirveaux42]

yup thats right

[mdegge]

Yes that's right.

[marky2112]

I think this is just a normal marriage.

[TurnXTop]

that baby sitter is so hot she can baby sit me anytime

[DrGregoryHouseIT]

The Credits Skip.

"Ahh! The Devil!"

[sillygrl23]

That was funny when they freaked out at the end.

[suicidalturnip]

So basically this movie says "It's OK to sell your soul to Satan, there's no bad side-effects except that it might cause your sister to go crazy for no explained reason." WTF.

[WhiteTiger225]

And that guys named Jodie are stupid, don't forget that moral!

[ltmarcos]

I had an awesome male english teacher named Jody so it does not apply to all

[lossennedlorwen]

Whooo, bad movie. xD

[Jquuest]

"I should've asked the devil to throw in some other modifications while i was at it.

[RylantH]

So the guy knows this girl for a weekend, and then decides to sell his soul to Satan... I don't think I have ever met a man THAT horney!!

[WhiteTiger225]

What about Michael Moore?

[Tareltonlives]

He'd sell his soul for a cheeseburger

[NUTCASE71733]

He IS the devil.

[WhiteTiger225]

Touche good sir.

[monde333]

Oh, I have. There've been guys willing to give up much more than just the abstraction called a 'soul'.

[Tareltonlives]

Bill Clinton?

[drewcifer721]

-Crow: "...And they drift apart after three weeks."

-Love their reaction to the film tear at 1:30. "Aaah! The devil!"

[OndreaLaw07]

OH great, now were both in the clutches of the devil because you wanted 2nd's.... LMAO... This entire movie is one of the best MST3K's ever!

[darkprose]

"I'm guessing this guy is going to be a fairly minor soldier in devil's army?"

"Ahhh! The devil!" When the credits go awry -- awesome.

"Yeah, see, this isn't even the area code for Hell, so."

[Iocelot]

"This is where the fish lives" may well be my favorite MST3K stinger.

[rhubarb6]

"High Spirits" made more sense than this movie!!

[Keighvin1]

There seems to be some confusion, so is it a "shout out" for Satan or a "shutout" for Satan?

[hichief]

Shutout. In sports games, if you "shut out" you win and the other team didn't score any points. So, yup Satan totally and utterly won in the end lol

[Tareltonlives]

Evil will always win out over good, because good is dumb

[NUTCASE71733]

Awesome spaceballs refrence.

[suicideboy5]

...and after three weeks, they drift apart...

[fraskydingy]

so, why were there zero walnuts in the whole thing? would buying a walnut outstrip their prop budget?

[monde333]

That girl Emby is really hot. I can't explain it. She reminds me of a girl I once knew named Raven. "This is where the fish live" is exactly the sort of thing she would have said. The resemblance is so close if it weren't for the time factor (this film was obviously made in the seventies) then I'd wonder if Raven's name were really Emby.

[SesameStrut]

That's an awful lot of information.

I'm going to need a long pause to think it over.

[darkprose]

I kinda think the babysitter is hot.

[NUTCASE71733]

Maybe you should be glad you didn't gt together with her considering the similarities.

[Tareltonlives]

So she was very sexy but creepy, vague, and insane?

[PerfectKirby]

And she wonders why she hasn't been freed until now (if only for about thirty seconds)?

[CuteFuzzyWeasel]

did the credits skip on accident or did they just edit them like that?

[trajhver2]

lmao when the credits skip

AH THE DEVIL!!