What should a wife's submission to her husband look like if he's an abuser?

[waldoman7]

why in the world does anyone have to ask?

if you love them then that love will guide you. personally, my wife could try to kill me and I'd still be hers, but of course I realize that i'm no good to anyone dead. seperation doesn't have to mean you stop loving.

[dianagordon6]

He for his God and she for the God in him? What a load of baloney. He sounds so very reasonable but he is spouting rubbish about men and women. We are all equal. To suggest otherwise is obscene. This sounds like a cult. If it walks like a duck...

[SaudaraLink]

Wow, what a whopper of a question. Good answer. It doesn't apply to women who have husbands who are not believers, and doesn't go into detail on physical abuse situations.

[thenetrider7]

@ykob2001

If the man is so abusive as you describe, than the solution is to leave him. God teaches us verry clearly in the Bible we are not suppose to marry humans which are not following Him. You made one mistake marrying this guy, don't make a second mistake leting him destroy God's daughter, I mean you.

[216roro]

@MyLordYahushua thats not what the bible says. the womans head is the man and the mans head is christ

[gothbaby6]

My solution to dealing with an abusive husband would be=beat the crap out of him right back ....either while he's awake or asleep...or both...lol.

[andrazkrzic]

He is so wise!

[sweetsweatyfeet]

Not only is divorce permissible in the case of domestic abuse, it's a moral imperative. To block or discourage such a divorce is morally contemptible---it further enables the abuser risks more psychological and physical damage to the victim.

Submission to a man?---Piper---what century are you from?

[MnSPictures]

@sweetsweatyfeet Piper is a christian pastor that teaches what the bible says, if you dont agree with it, then don't listen to it.

[sweetsweatyfeet]

@MnSPictures Christians respond critically to atheist vids on youtube all the time---do you have a problem with that? I don't because I believe in free speech and thoughtful discussion of controversial positions. Why on earth should Piper and his positions go unchallenged? That's why this youtube comment section exists---that's why free speech exists.

[liliokilani]

That is funny. "She is to seek help from the church?" Really? I've met more than one woman who was told that she should "just pray about it." In one case the husband beat her until he killed her unborn children. He committed adultery and had sex with animals. (all repeatedly) But the church gave this bad "advice." They were both unbelievers when they married. She chose to divorce him to save her own life and protect her children from being raped by him (he also raped his own sister growing up).

[Ndakanatswa]

@liliokilani WOW! Really? He had a history of incestuous sexual abuse, sleeping with animals and clearly needed to be on deathrow? Oh my goodness, that sounds so awful, I am crying just reading this! Were none of these SIGNALS or signs that he is clearly, plainly and obviously a NUTCASE who should be in jail visible or discernable during their dating/courtship - even if they were unbelievers? I am not blaming her, I am just asking you? I can't imagine how awful it must have been for her...

[liliokilani]

@Ndakanatswa She started dating him at 14. The controlling behavior started early. He insisted they "elope." Too young, too naive to recognize the signs. Remember, psychopaths are very good at hiding their behavior until they gain complete control over their victims. She got saved AFTER being married & abused for years, after he repeatedly murdered her unborn children by beating her, and she felt forced while homeless to get an abortion after he violently raped her. Then she left him.

[Ndakanatswa]

@liliokilani I see.

[sweetsweatyfeet]

Submission to a husband is mindless authoritarianism suitable for the ignorant savages who came up with these oppressive doctrines. This kind of Christianity makes me want to vomit--and just strengthens my contempt for it's vile and messed up dogma.

[liliokilani]

@sweetsweatyfeet You are hearing it through someone that is actually NOT preaching the truth about what scripture says. This man has lost his way. There is nothing that say a woman should "endure" while beaten and abused. That is why he cannot actually quote scripture to back up what he is saying. This is not true Christianity, this is a man who has a G-d complex from being lauded for far too many years as "knowing what GAWD wants. He has claimed way too much authority, is prideful and deceived.

[liliokilani]

@sweetsweatyfeet Well, you have the benefit of living in a society that honors G-d and actually has raised you to honor women according to Christian beliefs. If you look at Hinduism, Islam, pagan tribalism or other societies, beating, raping or even setting on fire wives is acceptable. Look more honestly at how your beliefs were formed in the first place. The Golden Rule (do unto others) is Christianity. Christianity stopped slavery, segregation and oppression of women, Atheism caused them.

[sweetsweatyfeet]

@liliokilani Well, for one Christianity did not invent the "Golden Rule". It can be found in confucianism along with other cultures that pre-date Christianity. Also, I was raised in primarily multicultural society with a pretty much non-Christian secular upbringing. Christians have no special monopoly on morality for history paints a very different picture of Christians in centuries gone by.

[waldoman7]

@liliokilani

Southern state slave owners used christianity as justification for slavery. They bible has countless passages about how you are allowed to enslave and how you must treat your slave.

In America, slavery's end was inspired by the Enlightenment era philosophies of America's founders. Those philosophies were about reason and the good in man. They fit well with a sort of agnostic or deistic spirituality, but usually clashed strongly with mainstream christianity.

[Pandalady366]

@MyLordYahushua Amen, john piper obviously hasn't whitnessed domestic abuse to just say "endure a night of it", and if he has and says just to endure it then hes a unconsiderate cold hearted human being thats for sure.

[Pandalady366]

I've seen domestic abuse first hand,believe me if you seen it yourself,you'd know.When its night after night,i wasnt abused it was somone very close to me,when your beaten, the house is destroyed night after night speshally if alcohol is involved there is no sitting around.tbh he is SO ignorent to say "endure it" he has NO idea.When a man is holding you down & punching you, its nt somthing to be "endured".This isnt God, sorry but thats not God, endure being beaten by your husband is not biblical

[liliokilani]

@Pandalady366 For this guy to smile and laugh and say a woman should "ENDURE IT FOR A SEASON" is idiotic. He clearly has no idea how the dynamic of abuse and control works. Most abusers are psychopaths or addicts. HE "finds the ULTIMATE SOLUTION?" Really? You mean the abuser hides it better. No, she needs to go directly to law enforcement, not allow the church to hide it. NEVER NO NO NO NO! WRONG ANSWER!!

[Pandalady366]

@liliokilani I agree,I used to like this preacher USED TO.I've litterally SEEN IT as a child non the less.That isn't some thing to be "endured",you get out that house and you call the police. Out of basic human self defence, this IDIOT has no idea what its like when your kids are screaming in terror and your face is being smashed in, ENDURE IT? And his "if your husband wants a 3some tell him you would love to it" in short hes saying"have no emotions".He doesn't seem to see woman as human beings.

[s4lj4y]

@Pandalady366

I understand what you are saying about enduring physical abuse, but the other part about quoting him as saying to tell him you would love to do it I think you misunderstood. He meant to say you would love to follow his lead, but if he isn't going to lead in a Godly direction and ask you to commit shameful, sinful acts then you can not follow him.

[lucasdasilvamaria]

What if the guy is not a christian and says "i gonna punch your pastor and your if you bring him here"?

Ok, i got it by myself: she calls the cops and he goes in shackles.

Am i wrong?

[RedHatBlueShoe]

If the guy is not a christian, have the church pray for his salvation, and pray for her part in how she should follow a non-christian abuser.

[lucasdasilvamaria]

what if the guy has a knife under his pillow and wants to kill her when she comes back from praying church? come on! call the cops! dont spiritualize when it isnt needed!

thats why God made cops: for husbands whose wives think they should be submiss to a abuser!

[RedHatBlueShoe]

that's not spiritualizing. that is what is needed. but if he is threatening in that sense, still pray for him...but definetely get authority from police when dealing with violence.

[RedHatBlueShoe]

why did i get a thumbs down?

[vilmaefajardo]

This is a great answer... BUT... why if the church sides with the abusive husband?

[Revinius]

if you are aware of it then the church is aware. If the church fails to act then it is in sin.

[odonohsr]

The wife then has the ability to seek help from other God-ordained authorities, such as the government (law enforcement).

[HarmonyinJesus]

Wonderful answer. I've been through that before and had to turn to an older couple in the Lord to help me through.