Does anybody know if the Maradonia film has been cancelled; I thought it was due to be released last year. I emailed Gloria twice to enquire, but idisnt receive a reply. Shame; I was looking forward to the movie. Thanks...
@brightonandhove1968 As far as I know, they're having trouble with the funding, and there have been several issues with the crew quitting the machine (and getting rehired, in one case). I'm not on the inside, though, so I can't say when and if they're ever actually going to make this thing. Gloria is about to turn 18. She's getting pretty old for World's Youngest Novelist hijinks. My hope is that she will grow up enough to realize this is silly and stop participating.
@swankivy Thanks for the info; I used to get really angry at Gloria, but now feel so sad for her. Her parents have convinced her she is an astonishing writer but she's in for a shock. Poor girl; didn't her parents take her out of high school so that she could write Maradonia? When success doesn't come, I hope she go's back to school, gets a place at university and finds a career. Or will she just live on Daddy's money until she's married off? So sad....
@brightonandhove1968 I'm not sure if they decided to homeschool her BECAUSE of Maradonia, but it's possible--hadn't read that. (Despite the thoroughness of this video, I actually am not much of an authority on Gloria and I don't look at her materials often.) I also hope she gets a real education (not that homeschool can't provide that, but with her parents doing what they're doing, I have doubts).
Read a snippet of the book on the Amazon reviews. It was so incoherent that I could actually feel each word and punctuation mark stabbing into my brain. Can't imagine enduring that for 800 pages. Quality will always trump quantity, sweetie
@addicted2mako Yeah, from what I've seen in an excerpt, she has no natural understanding of voice and character--she isn't even on level for her age. There's just a LOT of it, which I guess is cool for a kid because many children don't have the patience to carry it through--hell, most adults don't!--but that doesn't mean she's got a good product. I criticize her family's promotional tactics, though, not her writing, because I honestly haven't bothered to read it.
Is that Chopin in the credits? If so, good taste. If not....still good taste. Oh, and Tesch is till firmly in lala land on Twitter. She's also made new vids of her false awesomeness. We need more sporking to deflate the Hindenberg.
@MerlinsJester Yes, is Chopin. :D I like to think I have fine taste in music. I majored in it after all. (Ever seen my funny singing videos?) I've seen the hilarious "author's perspective series" where she says weird things like "to me, writing is a FEELING." She's not yet figured out that words are supposed to mean stuff, and that doesn't mean anything. As for sporking . . . I can't stomach sporkings of most terrible things. Though they are pretty funny.
I never thought I'd say this, but this is even worse than Rebecca Black (the Friday song-girl.) Both girls went public through their parents, but at least Becky has some talent (without the auto-toners), and she doesn't walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.
@addicted2mako As I understand the Rebecca Black situation, she wasn't trying to be famous with her video; it was just something goofy she paid a lot of money to do, and they didn't put any promotion attempts into it. I don't really know much about her talent either, but her video is what it is--a cheesy not-too-special pop song. Gloria, conversely, has no product to speak of and yet ACTS like she thinks people are excited about the books her family has to con people into buying. Just ew.
@swankivy Another difference is that more people know who Rebecca Black is. I myself have never even heard about Gloria until an hour ago. Personally, I hope it stays this way; the last thing Tesch needs is notoriety.
@addicted2mako Yeah, I wouldn't worry; until or unless she matures somewhat and learns to write, no one will care who she is. People who think their children are amazing and talented are a dime a dozen, and the only reason she's gotten as much attention as she has is that she produces videos and makes public statements that are hilariously embarrassing. Search for her "mediocre and corrupt generation" blog entry if you really want to weep for humanity.
@lum2ina LOL cool. Yeah, if you ever want to see my essays on why I don't like Eragon, you can search online for "swankivy eragon" and you'll find. I've also reviewed the books on Amazon.
Enjoyed the review :) Gloria Tesch fascinates me. Sometimes I can barely imagine that this is all real, and then I realize that you can't script shit this crazy. She might be a psychotic egomaniac, but she's not boring :)
@x3LittleRedWriterx3 Thanks--yeah, it really is quite a bit more nutty than I'd think one could make up. But since all my references check out, you can reassure yourself that it's 100% real. :o
You know Gloria could've used that money to take a creative writing and english class and wrote a better book, paid editors and actually worked to make a decent book. Instead all this money went to P.R., these tactics are like that of a politician and not a writer.
@Requiemxtoxinnocence I agree. Not to mention they're promoting and advocating for books that you can't even buy right now. I think it's been at least a year that books 1 and 2 are listed as "sold out" (guffaw) on her website. So not only does her family think people are going to get excited about this, but they think they should blow their money on promoting it so people can . . . wander over and pick up in the middle of the series? This Is Not How You Do Things.
@swankivy Well that's why we have sporking's I guess but then again that brings in no revenue. I think she probably could print as many of them as possible though since her family owns the company, so I'm not sure what the deal is. Maybe the Tesches don't know what they are doing...which is pointing out the obvious.
@Requiemxtoxinnocence When you're self-published, you can name the company anything you want and of course you "own the company" when you do that, but self-publishing is basically hiring a printer to make copies that you then have to sell. It has no standards and no editing and no included advertisement. The question is why they don't make available more copies of books 1 and 2 since any new readers their hijinks actually attract would want to start at the beginning.
@Requiemxtoxinnocence Could very well be, but any dolt should know that if you're too poor to PRODUCE THE PRODUCT YOU'RE PROMOTING, you shouldn't be spending money/time on advertising it or, for crap's sake, trying to get attention for it by making a MOVIE. Even tiny indie flicks need a budget. I should know; I was in one. The director had to do a Kickstarter campaign to raise $10,000 just to get an editor AFTER principal filming. (It was worth it, though!)
On Gloria's latest blog entry, a 'Dr Julian Smegma' from the 'Smegma School of Creative Writing' has left a gushing post, noting that her work uses 'the literary witticisms of Shakespeare, the amusing wordplay of Chaucer, and the social insights of Dickens'. Dr Semgma also suggests that Stephen King and John Gresham could learn a lot about writing by studying Gloria's work. As Gloria is devoid of any sense of satire, it's one of the few posts she hasn't automatically deleted!
@pythonnews I don't see what you're talking about. But yes, changing and deleting posts seems to be common in this biz--I don't blame her if she wants to delete something that's just hateful, but if it's honestly critical she shouldn't censor it. I've noticed in the past that some people have managed not to get deleted by commenting on, say, her total lack of source-citing by praising how accurate her ability to back up sources is. I guess she doesn't get it.
@inferno232 Well, a lot of her work is "sporked" by brave souls online, and as is legal when subjecting a work to commentary and/or criticism, some of the text that is analyzed is quoted. You can search for "Maradonia Sporking" and you should find the content on Impish Idea. (It's not the entire book of course, but you get the idea from reading the criticism.)
fun fact: Tesch's parents made all that money from the fact that her dad ( "dr." G. Gerry Tesch) owns a chain of coffee kiosks. They don't know a damn thing about publication, and Liberty Media has absolutely no affiliation with them.
@Jesterclown17 I know she (and her team) didn't like it, considering what they tried to do to my first video. Sad that they tried to shut me up instead of accepting that I might have a point. Doesn't really matter what people like me think though. People like them will do whatever they want.
Honestly , in the name of the few teenagers that actually read books... I would have to say that she is the Rebecca Black of novels. And she might be the youngest novelist in the world , but I don't she how the age can be compared to the quality of the texts.
My 13year old cousin could write a book too , but that doesn't mean its good.
@TaniiaMoreira I don't think it's only very few teenagers who read books. YA fiction is a huge market. As for Gloria, you're absolutely right that it's quality that should matter (regardless of age), but just so we're clear, she isn't and never was "the youngest novelist in the world." I really wish someone hadn't put that idea in her head--that she was somehow unique and precocious because she wrote books and had achieved something praiseworthy because her parents paid to have it printed.
Hey! I know this sounds weird, but I would like to hear or read about your scathing remarks about Eragon! I have a feeling it might be funny :) Send me a link?
@samaimdeda Well, you can't paste links into YouTube comments, so I'll just tell you how to find it: Google "swankivy eragon." I have an essay on each of the four books in the series. The essays on the third and fourth books are pretty much novels themselves.
@DiaperSector2011 Eh. I don't think it'd be wonderful--I'd probably giggle, admittedly, because it's further evidence that her family's so busy trying to pretend she's a star that they don't focus on THE MAIN REASON THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE HER ONE (selling books, and making them available), but I don't wish someone would steal her domain name. Not to mention she'd probably just purchase the "worldsyoungestnovelist" domain or something and try to make it seem like they never made the mistake.
@gastronomist Dude... please, tell me you're trolling us here. Please tell me you did your homework and you're not defending the literary equivalent of CWC.
On the subject of "how do I personally go about writing" - I used to spend ages creating a world, usually a culture with a big city. The plot served as a tour de force of my creation, the characters as vehicles.
These days I'm writing a story and I've made the most headway and written the best I personally have ever written. How? I sat down and began writing. I had no idea about what was going on or who these characters were - I worked that out later. Spontaneity and on-the-spot imagination.
@MrGrinningManiac I usually find that to be the best technique, too. I prefer character-driven, character-oriented pieces. I tend to get a little bit bored if people's novels are sort of like excuses to show off the details they've worked out. Essentially, I want to read about PEOPLE (to whom stuff happens) rather than STUFF HAPPENING (to people). If you want me to care that it's happening to someone, I have to care about the people in the story and get a sense of authenticity from them.
I like your reviewing style. You're not one of those people that goes "IT SUCKS!" without providing any proper evidence. I disagree with you about the Inheritance books (I personally like them) but yeah, from what I've heard of this girl she's bad news. I'm trying to write a novel myself and there is NO WAY that I'm going to walk down the same path this nutcase is.
@teencomment Yes, I'd never dream of critiquing by saying "it sucks" without support. Incidentally, I've had literally dozens of Inheritance fans tell me they were surprised to find how much they agreed with me when they read my essays on the series, and even if they still *liked* the books after hearing why I dislike them, they still agreed with my points. If you'd like to see them, Google "swankivy eragon" to see 3 essays. Oh, I'm submitting my novel to agents starting this week. Wish me luck!
@swankivy Well, TV Tropes has brought several flaws to my attention, I'll give them that. Eragon sometimes acts sociopathic, there's no real evidence that the Empire is necessarily bad (a lot of the stuff seems to be done in under-the-table esque situations in out-of-the-way places and there's no real evidence of persecution aside from one instance of people being conscripted plus that mess at Helgrind...I do admit the series has its flaws, but I still like it.
@teencomment I agree with some of the bits on TV Tropes, but that's not really where I go with mine. I explore both content and form, and give examples. I was actually one of the first people to write critically about this series. If you're a young writer, though, actually you might be interested in taking a look at it. I've gotten a lot of e-mail from aspiring writers thanking me for teaching them what not to do. Doesn't bother me if you're not interested though; just thought I'd mention it. :)
@swankivy Thanks for the tips :) I took a creative writing class my junior year in high school and I'm on my school's newspaper, plus my AP English IV teacher is very shrewd with grammar, so I'm basically having the proper writing style shoved down my throat XD I'll try and take a look though, I actually started writing the first bit a while back and decided to start over because it was...I dunno just MISSING something, i think. Pacing was bad, for one thing.
@teencomment See, the problem is, a lot of what we get taught in school isn't enough. (Yes, even AP English. Which I killed with a 5 rating during my time. And which, stunningly enough, still left me writing crappy novels at age 18.) Proper writing style doesn't really cut it--I'm not suggesting you aren't learning anything valuable in school, because you certainly are, but you learn SO much more from organically processed reading and self-motivated writing. Good luck with your work!
@swankivy Thanks :) I do read a lot myself (I actually get in trouble during school for reading instead of listening to the teacher XD) but yeah, I read a lot of the more well-published authors. CS Lewis, Brian Jacques, Jim Butcher, Timothy Zahn, and, of course, Tolkein.
@teencomment I can't say enough about how important reading is, so that's AWESOME. Practicing and listening to criticism are also really key elements to being a writer. Are you doing NaNoWriMo or anything? Just curious. My biggest problem is being wordy, so I ask my test audience to help me chop. I know what my weaknesses are. Hopefully I'll have a better shot this time; last time agents liked me 'til they saw my word count. I want to break into fiction; I'm only published in nonfiction.
@swankivy I think my problem is that I'm not descriptive ENOUGH...I might do NaNoWriMo...I did manage to write around 26,000 words in the space of around a month, so I think that's pretty good for me. I do admit to writing a bit of Redwall fanfiction when I was younger that totaled around over 100 pages. I never really had any realistic plans to publish it though. I can probably ask several of my teachers to proofreadso that can help eventually.
@teencomment Cool. When people hear I'm wordy, they usually suggest I cut down on description, but description isn't my issue. I think it's the internal dialogue. My characters are usually kinda cerebral and overthink/narrate everything. NaNo is a good motivator but you might not need it if you're already motivated. I've never done it, though. I'm a fast writer anyway, which isn't necessarily a good thing. NaNo would just encourage me to have yet another hastily written novel sitting around.
@swankivy Ah, navel contemplating. Yeah, having characters that constantly monologue could be a problem, I guess. I'm trying to strike a balance where my characters will dwell on something, but they won't do it constantly, whenever they have free time. It'll normally be something like a trigger phrase or some sort of event that'll bring the thought to the forefront.
@teencomment The fastest I've ever written a book was 2 weeks--155,000 words--but it was unsalvageable. Another book, 255,000 words, was written in 5 weeks. I've rewritten the giant one--a retold fairy tale--as a trilogy so it won't be so freaking huge and scare agents away. :/ As for fanfiction, it's great practice, definitely. It can't be published though, 'cause of copyright stuff.
@swankivy It normally takes me months just to type out 40 pages XD To make any sort of rapid progress I normally need to have the plot really thoroughly thought out, otherwise it goes for several pages, then the engine runs out of coal, so to speak.
@teencomment Heh, it's so interesting how people write different ways . . . I don't really do what people think of as traditional plotting. Never make outlines or "decide" stuff, and have never started a book knowing how it was going to end. (Which is sometimes a problem.) I'm sorta inventing it on the page with the characters bouncing off each other and their environment, and I can retroactively make it seem more cohesive, but I think my writing process is kinda weird.
@swankivy I try and make several events that are linked together by the rest of the story. I plan out the heroes, the various factions, the locations, and the villains all in advance, then put them into the story where they need to be. *Shrug*
:D You are awesome. I've only read about four paragraphs of her first book, and even with Sporking, it was unbearable. I might have gone back and read more if I find someone who at least says that the books are at a level of "bad" where you can still get lulz out of them... But with some light shed on her attitude and methods of publication/popularity by you, I don't even really want to do that anymore. >_<
@TheNiceHat5 Thanks. Yeah, I can't read the sporkings either. Unlike a lot of my braver fellows, I do not actually enjoy reading bad books and tearing them apart. I'm an editor, after all; bad writing pains me. On Christopher Paolini's writing, I manage to have fun voicing my righteous indignation in my essays, but I don't enjoy reading his work one bit. Gloria is much, much worse than Paolini. And until or unless that changes, her books don't deserve professional attention or financial success.
I haven't read Gloria's work, where do you think I can read a part of her book? I want to know how bad this thing is. :) I love your videos, You are a very intelligent woman. :)
@Theo2kitty She released a sample downloadable PDF of her first few chapters through her website, but considering the huge number of errors and the resounding criticism she got based on that, I imagine it was intentional for her to pull the PDF and pretend it was never intended to be released (she claimed it "was leaked," as if anyone would care to leak it). I know of a site that does line-critiques of the book as well. You can private message me through YouTube mail if you want links.
@Evnyofdeath Christopher Paolini, author of Eragon, did not write the first book at 15 as most people seem to think. He began writing it when he was 15, but it wasn't professionally published until he was 19. The "15" age seems to be invoked constantly to make him look like more of a prodigy, tough. I'd written two crappy books by age 15, but thank goodness my parents didn't self-publish them (leading to "fortuitous" discovery by an established author who got the book in the back door).
@swankivy Thanks for the clarification. To be honest I do somewhat like the Eragon series (I'll admit the first two do have a very amaturish feel to them though) but you made a good point with what you said in regards to it.
@Evnyofdeath I think the third book is even worse than the first two in a couple ways, actually, though there are obviously some places where Paolini improved (though that's not really remarkable; if you don't get better on your subsequent books, you're kind of a screw-up, eh?). His prose is so painfully *constructed* and unnatural, and the plots and characterization are horrendous in many ways. If you ever want to read my essays on the books, you could google "swankivy eragon." :)
@swankivy I'll probably do that soon. Either way liking something doesn't mean you have to agree with it being good or bad. Hell, tons of people love series they admit to being horrible. Watching that'll probably open my eyes to more of its flaws I haven't noticed, but I'll still probably like the series. At least its better than the failtastic movie version.
@Evnyofdeath Yeah, see, I don't tend to enjoy things I think are horrible. They're legitimately painful to read and I have heard so many times that Eragon and other bad books are fun literary candy that are kinda fun to hate and enjoy at the same time. I completely don't relate to that--I don't hate the books in a fun way at all. But I'm not trying to convince people to stop reading it or take it away from them. I explain why I think it's terrible and give writing advice that can be generalized.
'Alexa' reports that the 'British Ready-Mixed Concrete Association' has received more web hits than Gloria Tesch's Maradonia website; also, Amazon shows that a book called 'Reinforced Concrete' by Edward G. Nawy has sold more copies that any of Gloria Tesch's books!!!!
@sergeilebedev2007 No idea. I'm not really up on her. I don't exactly stalk her. Mostly my knowledge about what she's doing comes to me through antishurtugal. I don't think her movie's been canceled though. I think there were issues with all the producers and directors who were doing the real work quitting due to "creative and professional differences." I saw two separate meltdowns (one more dignified than the other) from people on her team, announcing unceremoniously that they were leaving.
P.S The tvtropes page for Maradonia isn't locked to protect it from Gloria (though some of us would consider it a preemptive measure) it's to protect Gloria from the tropers. Observe a previous starting paragraph to the tvtropes page, if I can make it work:
@Haruverse : "I suddenly heard a great scream, as if thousands of trees were crying out at once as they realized they were being used to print Maradonia and the Seven Bridges."\\
--'''Random reviewer'''
You thought it was bad when Robert Newcomb got The Fifth Sorceress] published some years ago. You thought that RobertStanek and his prolific sockpuppetry was the worst guy out there. There's no way the world of fantasy literature could get any worse, could it?
@Haruverse I don't believe I mentioned TVTropes in my video, though I did mention Yahoo! Answers and Wiki Answers (both of which were locked after vandalism you can see in the edits). I haven't any clue what's going on on TVTropes.
@Haruverse I've seen it, but didn't make any claims about her trying to edit it. In any case I haven't seen her committing digital graffiti lately. I've mostly seen her posting a lot of other misleading and embarrassing videos on her channel, including one where she poorly demonstrates archery and claims to be "a pro," and one where she records herself hanging out alone while she's doing a book signing, and gets a fake phone call summoning her to attend to the lines of fans at her table.
@Haruverse Um, yes, I think you were insulting a troll. And it's actually not a particularly convincing troll in my opinion. Too many correctly spelled words. But your point is of course valid. :)
@swankivy It was inspired by how you said that you wrote two books before... well, about the same age as Gloria Tesch. And I realized I wrote two unfinished novels before I was the same age as Gloria, and then I read the sporkings of her work. I realized that I used to write like that, minus the bad dialogue and horrendous punctuation but the same lack of direction resulting in an Excuse Plot and no characterization. So then I thought most books written in middle-school followed the same pattern
Where was I? Accidentally posted early. I went to shared worlds and learned to actually write.) that the middle school books sucked, and should never be spoken of again. Especially if they're fanfic. Which maradonia is-I'd say its a crackfic or trollfic, but that would insult both of those as sometimes they are actually fun to read in the same way SBaHJ is.
@sergeilebedev2007 shut up, you asshole sock puppet. Nobody believes you, and that's pretty transparently a fake account. It would be slightly more convincing if there were actual videos on that channel. And Gloria, if you're watching this, I got something to say: you are the embodiment of all those books we wrote in middle school with great expectations, only to find out after much learning (i
@Haruverse I know, I've seen that before and thought it was funny. Though actually I was aware of the story in that video too, and find it sort of fascinating . . . I've seen a lot of videos about kids who have odd disorders. :/
@eyetakenoschtuff You tell me; does this video, with its heaps of reasonable complaints and evidence backing them up, strike you as "mindless" or an "attack"? Surely you see why self-published authors who lie about both their popularity status and the inner workings of the industry they claim to have mastered ought to be exposed, yes?
@swankivy I've actually never heard of her. I don't see any harm in self publishing to be honest. :) But sure, I suppose it's fine to expose someone when they lie about things.
@eyetakenoschtuff Haha, of course there's nothing wrong with self-publishing. It has its place just like traditional publishing does. But it's true that purchasing copies of your own book that you paid another company to print necessarily means there's no quality control on the content. I want the misleading, exaggerated, and completely untrue claims her family is making about her work to have their true nature exposed, primarily because the integrity of this industry is very important to me.
@GunsOfThePhoenix If you're talking about Svivalityinabox, you may try PMing him to see if he plans to re-release the review, but he does plan to try an alternate host since Tesch's family and employees attacked anyone who used their material, even if it was clearly under the fair use guidelines and was for the purpose of critique and commentary (as specified in the law). Check out the FuelForTheFireplace channel, though, if you want to see a funny Maradonia review by him and another person.
@perrottafamily1 Aw! Thank you! I sing too if you want to watch any singing videos, but if you just like listening to me talk there's plenty of that on this channel too. :)
YOU ARE A RIDICULOUS IDIOT FOR MAKING FUN OF GLORIA, SHE HAS PUBLISHED A GRAND NUMBER OF BOOKS, AND YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PUBLISHED. GLORIA HAS HAD OFFERS FROM HOLLYWOOD TO MAKE A MOVIE OF HER MARADONIA BOOKS, AND THERE WILL SOON BE A MARADONIA FILM RELEASED. YOU ARE JEALOUS LOSER, GLORIA IS THE YOUNGEST U.S. AUTHOR
@sergeilebedev2007 LOL! You do trolls' sentiments pretty well, but you spell too many words correctly, so maybe work on that if you want to sound convincing. And perhaps seem more personally appalled and hurt. Otherwise, pretty good job!
@atlroxmysox98 Her situation IS unfortunate, isn't it. :( They're apparently struggling to even get funding for a low-budget indie movie (though their family seems to think making the movie will lead to theatrical releases), so I'm sure the theme park thing is just something that she will probably wish she hadn't said someday.
Wow, Gloria is actually posting the video of her book trailer on her own channel?
/watch?v=q6oa9ifwLmU
I guess her rationale is that if she can't stop people re-posting it whenever Team Tesch gets it taken down, it might as well be available via her channel?
@brighton1968 Well, the guy who convinced her family that it was an embarrassing piece of crap which wasn't doing them any favors quit the team recently, so maybe they figured they were still proud of it and stuck it back up. I doubt they ever thought it was crap, considering a) they made it and saw nothing horrible about it when it was produced and b) Mr. Fisher continued to have "artistic differences" with Team Tesch, which suggests he didn't ever actually convince them that it was terrible.
@SonicResearcher You mean you like my talking voice? I like to sing too, but I didn't do that in this video. :) (I do in some of my other videos though!)
@TheTruthcentric Well, I don't think they set out to trick their kid into thinking she's a writer or anything, and I think they believe in her work, but yes, this is a case of the whole family promoting her stuff while not actually thinking they should have to learn or play by the rules. I haven't even gotten any fiction published and my stuff has a fanbase of sorts (mainly my webcomic and my creative works here on YouTube, plus published nonfiction), and I didn't have to lie to promote myself.
I’ve never heard of her but clearly you’re envious of her fame.
The three most important things in real estate are “location, location, location” and that’s really one thing. So why can’t her book be the fourth, fifth, and sixth best seller?
1) Gloria Tesch is NOT famous. If she was, you and everyone you know would have heard of her.
2) Have you ever read even a part from one of her books? I think not. They make Twilight seem like the next Shakespeare masterpiece. TRUTH.
3) No one is jealous of Gloria Tesch. Why? Because personally, if I had her "talent" in writing, I would have killed myself by now. She writes like a dyslexic 5 year old.
I suggest you actually know what you are talking about before you comment.
@BWcookiemonster Yeah. Even if someone is not a writer, I think it's horribly unprofessional to have frequent misspellings and typos on a professional website. It's even worse when what she's actually trying to sell you is her written word, and yet you can tell from viewing the site that she's got no business asking anyone to pay for her writing.
@porkwilliam I dunno. I'm no authority on Gloria Tesch. (Despite what the video makes it look like, haha.) Someone seems to have made a "the movie is canceled and they'll be announcing the cancellation soon" video, but I don't know who that person is or whether they actually have inside information. I know they've been having a ton of problems keeping crew members because of shady business practices, and have heard whispers that this means legal trouble for the Tesches. Who knows?
I don't think all the blame can be placed on Gloria - I feel like she's somewhat of a victim in all of this. Her batshit family must've been filling her head with false praise since she was a child, and it's probably screwed her up.
@XionXi No kiddin'. I mean, she's inching toward the legal age of adulthood and she's already far too old to be this immature and irresponsible, but it's true her family is reinforcing her delusions, and especially when you don't have as many non-family-controlled experiences as most other kids do, that situation tends to be powerful.
@XionXi AGREED. She's going to be very screwed up later in life... I feel like I need to do something for her. Something that doesn't involve sending an absurd quantity of pizzas to her house. (Note to Swankivy when she reads this: I haven't done that, you know. I know that Gloria won't listen to reason, but that just seems asinine.)
@dant697 Most people haven't heard of her, unless they've run into the hordes of people criticizing either her work or her approach to advertising it on the Internet. Basically: she's notorious. And she doesn't understand that that's a bad thing.
I don't know why Gloria has kept this shenenigans of hers. I'm surprised she still hasn't stopped by now. Maybe her parents are still deluding her into thinking that she's a great writer even though she is terrible. I mean COME ON, my parents say I'm good but nobody ever said that "You should get published."
I want to say this: Gloria... STOP WRITING. Or at least stop self-publishing your 'books.'
@paladindragoongirl18 I actually think she should keep writing, but that her parents should stop deluding her into thinking what she's already written is genius and is worthy of publishing, television shows, and movies. I think they actually believe their child is unique and that no one else's teen is doing this sort of thing. If one day she realizes that the praise she gets is personal or purchased, maybe she'll get motivated to do something worthy of honest praise. . . .
@swankivy I'm all for kids who write (I'm one of them) but then if she can't take criticism, then it's going to lead her nowhere. You're right though about her parents believing she's a genius even though kids her age do thess things. I bet they told her that her works are "published."
@paladindragoongirl18 Yep, and I was a kid who wrote all the time, and I am an adult who writes all the time. (Just finished my latest novel clean-up and started sending it out to my test audience tonight, in fact!) Self-publishing has a time and a place, as long as people who use it don't have delusions about what it is. I think Gloria and her parents probably both think there's no difference between earning a contract and buying a print run.
@paladindragoongirl18 Yeah, it'd probably be best for her if she took a break from doing this thing that isn't successful at all, take stock of her situation, do some studying and practicing (WITHOUT immediately PUBLISHING every rough draft!), and try to write something that isn't poorly conceived. It'd be nice if she'd either improve her work or stop going through this phase, but as long as people are coddling her and protecting her from criticism, that won't happen.
Hey Swankivy, aren't all those posters/t shirts Gloria is selling as "Maradonia Official Merchandise"... stolen artwork and images off Deviantart? I am guessing so because the ones I have seen not only look nothing like the characters, but they also look nothing like Mama Tesch's artwork.
@CinnabonChan I have no idea what she is selling on posters and T-shirts . . . I know that for some of the poster pictures in her newsletter she took images created by others without credit, but I don't have any idea if she ever tried to sell them. In any case it probably doesn't matter since no one is BUYING them. Disney and Luis Royo would probably be annoyed if they saw their work promoting someone else's without credit/permission, though.
@swankivy Thankies Kivy! And yes I saw the entire video, and the photos of the elf girl by the dragon, the woman in horned battle armor and the picture of the blonde woman in a blue dress are all being sold by Gloria as "Official Maradonia Art' as signed posters and t shirts. Shameless, isn't she? But you're right, no one is going to pay 30 dollars for a t shirt from Gloria Tesch. And us cinnabons are delicious but we prefer not to be eaten. It makes us die.
@CinnabonChan I don't remember seeing those things actually being sold, but despite what it looks like from this video, I haven't actually done extensive research on her activities. I really hope she is NOT currently selling anything that includes others' art used illegally. On her site you could buy posters and whatnot but I didn't see examples of what was on them.
And if you wish to not be eaten, stay away from Andalites.
@swankivy I remember those images being given titles such as "Maya and the Dragon" and "The Warrior Queen", which were then advertised as posters and t shirts. They aren't on her website anymore, but the order forms that came with her October news letter still list them. Unless she has pulled them and replaced them with her own artwork, I am assuming she is still trying to sell other people's artwork.
@CinnabonChan Ah, I don't subscribe to her newsletter, though I've seen a couple posted online when people were making fun of them. I remember seeing the items labeled as you explain here but didn't note that they were being sold as posters. Now I wonder whether a person could send in an order form and ask to buy said stolen artwork signed by her and whether she'd actually sell it. I saw one other person try to buy something she claimed to be selling, and they received one of her books instead.
@swankivy I don't either, though I am wondering if she has changed the stolen artwork to something else (because at one point, I am pretty sure the images that were on the original movie poster were being sold as "Official Maradonia Artwork", so I am curious if she has changed them to something else (I remember the picture of the elf girl being next to the order form, titled "Maya and the Dragon"). It is possible that the items don't exist, and Gloria is just padding out her wares.
@CinnabonChan It would actually be really excellent and hilarious (also: horrible) if she were selling others' work. I mean, if she was/is doing it, she better HOPE she never actually gets as famous as she thinks she is now, because the lawsuits will bury her. One reader tried to order her "DVD set of the Gloria Tesch show" and they cashed the check but sent nothing for months, and when the reader bugged them, they said "the producers decided not to release the set" and sent a book instead.
@swankivy I totally wouldn't put it past her, (it is also delicious that those three images, none of which look alike or resemble Maya were being sold as artwork as Maya), but I can't confirm anything, since the orderform that actually featured what the posters looked like appears to have been deleted, (but those images were also right next to an image of the Maradonia map, which was also being sold as a poster). Gloria seems to think that with piss poor customer service, she can be FAMOUSSS!!!
@CinnabonChan One thing that I find INCREDIBLY curious is that for months and months (since the launch of the new website), 4 of the 6 books she advertises are unavailable (3 labeled as "sold out," lol, and one still unreleased). Instead of failing at moviemaking and focusing on making terrible attempts to look famous, perhaps they should actually HAVE the products available and get busy paying their vanity publisher to print more? What's the attention getting them if they have none to sell?
@swankivy Again, the story with the dvd box set shows that whilst Gloria can rattle off obscure bible references, the parts about not stealing seem to have flown over her head. Since the Tesches seem to have blown their life savings on their daughter's enterprise, I can imagine them leaping on an unwary twenty dollar bill like a den of crack addicts.
Does anybody know if the Maradonia film has been cancelled; I thought it was due to be released last year. I emailed Gloria twice to enquire, but idisnt receive a reply. Shame; I was looking forward to the movie. Thanks...
brightonandhove1968 5 days ago
@brightonandhove1968 As far as I know, they're having trouble with the funding, and there have been several issues with the crew quitting the machine (and getting rehired, in one case). I'm not on the inside, though, so I can't say when and if they're ever actually going to make this thing. Gloria is about to turn 18. She's getting pretty old for World's Youngest Novelist hijinks. My hope is that she will grow up enough to realize this is silly and stop participating.
swankivy 5 days ago
@swankivy Thanks for the info; I used to get really angry at Gloria, but now feel so sad for her. Her parents have convinced her she is an astonishing writer but she's in for a shock. Poor girl; didn't her parents take her out of high school so that she could write Maradonia? When success doesn't come, I hope she go's back to school, gets a place at university and finds a career. Or will she just live on Daddy's money until she's married off? So sad....
brightonandhove1968 5 days ago
@brightonandhove1968 I'm not sure if they decided to homeschool her BECAUSE of Maradonia, but it's possible--hadn't read that. (Despite the thoroughness of this video, I actually am not much of an authority on Gloria and I don't look at her materials often.) I also hope she gets a real education (not that homeschool can't provide that, but with her parents doing what they're doing, I have doubts).
swankivy 4 days ago
Read a snippet of the book on the Amazon reviews. It was so incoherent that I could actually feel each word and punctuation mark stabbing into my brain. Can't imagine enduring that for 800 pages. Quality will always trump quantity, sweetie
addicted2mako 1 week ago in playlist Liked videos
@addicted2mako and trust SwankiVY: the trailer really is that bad. So bad it's awful, and I'll never get those three and a half minutes back
addicted2mako 1 week ago in playlist Liked videos
@addicted2mako Yeah, from what I've seen in an excerpt, she has no natural understanding of voice and character--she isn't even on level for her age. There's just a LOT of it, which I guess is cool for a kid because many children don't have the patience to carry it through--hell, most adults don't!--but that doesn't mean she's got a good product. I criticize her family's promotional tactics, though, not her writing, because I honestly haven't bothered to read it.
swankivy 1 week ago
Comment removed
addicted2mako 1 week ago
@addicted2mako And yet she will be a legal adult next month.
swankivy 1 week ago
Is that Chopin in the credits? If so, good taste. If not....still good taste. Oh, and Tesch is till firmly in lala land on Twitter. She's also made new vids of her false awesomeness. We need more sporking to deflate the Hindenberg.
MerlinsJester 1 week ago
@MerlinsJester Yes, is Chopin. :D I like to think I have fine taste in music. I majored in it after all. (Ever seen my funny singing videos?) I've seen the hilarious "author's perspective series" where she says weird things like "to me, writing is a FEELING." She's not yet figured out that words are supposed to mean stuff, and that doesn't mean anything. As for sporking . . . I can't stomach sporkings of most terrible things. Though they are pretty funny.
swankivy 1 week ago
I never thought I'd say this, but this is even worse than Rebecca Black (the Friday song-girl.) Both girls went public through their parents, but at least Becky has some talent (without the auto-toners), and she doesn't walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment.
addicted2mako 1 week ago
@addicted2mako As I understand the Rebecca Black situation, she wasn't trying to be famous with her video; it was just something goofy she paid a lot of money to do, and they didn't put any promotion attempts into it. I don't really know much about her talent either, but her video is what it is--a cheesy not-too-special pop song. Gloria, conversely, has no product to speak of and yet ACTS like she thinks people are excited about the books her family has to con people into buying. Just ew.
swankivy 1 week ago
@swankivy Another difference is that more people know who Rebecca Black is. I myself have never even heard about Gloria until an hour ago. Personally, I hope it stays this way; the last thing Tesch needs is notoriety.
addicted2mako 1 week ago
@addicted2mako Yeah, I wouldn't worry; until or unless she matures somewhat and learns to write, no one will care who she is. People who think their children are amazing and talented are a dime a dozen, and the only reason she's gotten as much attention as she has is that she produces videos and makes public statements that are hilariously embarrassing. Search for her "mediocre and corrupt generation" blog entry if you really want to weep for humanity.
swankivy 1 week ago
okay a adore youuuu....i HATE ERAGON too!! i'm so relieved....subscribe
lum2ina 1 week ago
@lum2ina LOL cool. Yeah, if you ever want to see my essays on why I don't like Eragon, you can search online for "swankivy eragon" and you'll find. I've also reviewed the books on Amazon.
swankivy 1 week ago
Oh my god I love your voice!
ilaniamge 2 weeks ago
@ilaniamge I'm still surprised every time someone says that on one of my talking videos. Thanks. . . .
swankivy 2 weeks ago
@swankivy Sorry, it just sounds like mine ;)
Also, I sent a message
ilaniamge 2 weeks ago
@ilaniamge Well hopefully it will still be awesome when you are in your mid thirties like me. Haha.
swankivy 2 weeks ago
Enjoyed the review :) Gloria Tesch fascinates me. Sometimes I can barely imagine that this is all real, and then I realize that you can't script shit this crazy. She might be a psychotic egomaniac, but she's not boring :)
x3LittleRedWriterx3 2 weeks ago
@x3LittleRedWriterx3 Thanks--yeah, it really is quite a bit more nutty than I'd think one could make up. But since all my references check out, you can reassure yourself that it's 100% real. :o
swankivy 2 weeks ago
You know Gloria could've used that money to take a creative writing and english class and wrote a better book, paid editors and actually worked to make a decent book. Instead all this money went to P.R., these tactics are like that of a politician and not a writer.
Requiemxtoxinnocence 3 weeks ago
@Requiemxtoxinnocence I agree. Not to mention they're promoting and advocating for books that you can't even buy right now. I think it's been at least a year that books 1 and 2 are listed as "sold out" (guffaw) on her website. So not only does her family think people are going to get excited about this, but they think they should blow their money on promoting it so people can . . . wander over and pick up in the middle of the series? This Is Not How You Do Things.
swankivy 3 weeks ago
@swankivy Well that's why we have sporking's I guess but then again that brings in no revenue. I think she probably could print as many of them as possible though since her family owns the company, so I'm not sure what the deal is. Maybe the Tesches don't know what they are doing...which is pointing out the obvious.
Requiemxtoxinnocence 3 weeks ago
@Requiemxtoxinnocence When you're self-published, you can name the company anything you want and of course you "own the company" when you do that, but self-publishing is basically hiring a printer to make copies that you then have to sell. It has no standards and no editing and no included advertisement. The question is why they don't make available more copies of books 1 and 2 since any new readers their hijinks actually attract would want to start at the beginning.
swankivy 3 weeks ago
@swankivy Money problems perhaps? Who knows.
Requiemxtoxinnocence 3 weeks ago
@Requiemxtoxinnocence Could very well be, but any dolt should know that if you're too poor to PRODUCE THE PRODUCT YOU'RE PROMOTING, you shouldn't be spending money/time on advertising it or, for crap's sake, trying to get attention for it by making a MOVIE. Even tiny indie flicks need a budget. I should know; I was in one. The director had to do a Kickstarter campaign to raise $10,000 just to get an editor AFTER principal filming. (It was worth it, though!)
swankivy 3 weeks ago
I just watched the trailer...oh God! *facepalm*
FantasmaLuna 1 month ago
@FantasmaLuna My condolences for brain cells lost.
swankivy 1 month ago
Wow, you are a crazy bitch
PyroManiac556 1 month ago
@PyroManiac556 Umkay.
swankivy 1 month ago
On Gloria's latest blog entry, a 'Dr Julian Smegma' from the 'Smegma School of Creative Writing' has left a gushing post, noting that her work uses 'the literary witticisms of Shakespeare, the amusing wordplay of Chaucer, and the social insights of Dickens'. Dr Semgma also suggests that Stephen King and John Gresham could learn a lot about writing by studying Gloria's work. As Gloria is devoid of any sense of satire, it's one of the few posts she hasn't automatically deleted!
pythonnews 1 month ago
@pythonnews I don't see what you're talking about. But yes, changing and deleting posts seems to be common in this biz--I don't blame her if she wants to delete something that's just hateful, but if it's honestly critical she shouldn't censor it. I've noticed in the past that some people have managed not to get deleted by commenting on, say, her total lack of source-citing by praising how accurate her ability to back up sources is. I guess she doesn't get it.
swankivy 1 month ago
Lol love the disclaimer, I concur with this video. Thumbs up! =D
brownbearclan 1 month ago
It's a shame she does all this shameless publicity shilling. If not, I'd buy one, just to see how BAD it was, but I don't want to give her the money.
inferno232 1 month ago
@inferno232 Well, a lot of her work is "sporked" by brave souls online, and as is legal when subjecting a work to commentary and/or criticism, some of the text that is analyzed is quoted. You can search for "Maradonia Sporking" and you should find the content on Impish Idea. (It's not the entire book of course, but you get the idea from reading the criticism.)
swankivy 1 month ago
fun fact: Tesch's parents made all that money from the fact that her dad ( "dr." G. Gerry Tesch) owns a chain of coffee kiosks. They don't know a damn thing about publication, and Liberty Media has absolutely no affiliation with them.
PorSiempre333 1 month ago
@PorSiempre333 Liberty Media has no affiliation with who? The Tesches ARE Liberty Media. It's the name they chose for their self-publishing effort.
swankivy 1 month ago
You gave fair and honest criticism pointing out how pathetically desperate some people can be for 15 minutes of fame.
GLORIA'S NO GONNA LIKE THIS :P
Jesterclown17 1 month ago
@Jesterclown17 I know she (and her team) didn't like it, considering what they tried to do to my first video. Sad that they tried to shut me up instead of accepting that I might have a point. Doesn't really matter what people like me think though. People like them will do whatever they want.
swankivy 1 month ago
Honestly , in the name of the few teenagers that actually read books... I would have to say that she is the Rebecca Black of novels. And she might be the youngest novelist in the world , but I don't she how the age can be compared to the quality of the texts.
My 13year old cousin could write a book too , but that doesn't mean its good.
TaniiaMoreira 1 month ago
@TaniiaMoreira I don't think it's only very few teenagers who read books. YA fiction is a huge market. As for Gloria, you're absolutely right that it's quality that should matter (regardless of age), but just so we're clear, she isn't and never was "the youngest novelist in the world." I really wish someone hadn't put that idea in her head--that she was somehow unique and precocious because she wrote books and had achieved something praiseworthy because her parents paid to have it printed.
swankivy 1 month ago
Hey! I know this sounds weird, but I would like to hear or read about your scathing remarks about Eragon! I have a feeling it might be funny :) Send me a link?
samaimdeda 3 months ago
@samaimdeda Well, you can't paste links into YouTube comments, so I'll just tell you how to find it: Google "swankivy eragon." I have an essay on each of the four books in the series. The essays on the third and fourth books are pretty much novels themselves.
swankivy 3 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
Gloria Tesch's 'Maradonia' website is down, due to the Domain name expiring yesterday.
Really professional, Gloria....
DiaperSector2011 3 months ago
@DiaperSector2011 She better hurry her ass over and renew it or a domain squatter could get it.
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy That would be so wonderful!
DiaperSector2011 3 months ago
@DiaperSector2011 Eh. I don't think it'd be wonderful--I'd probably giggle, admittedly, because it's further evidence that her family's so busy trying to pretend she's a star that they don't focus on THE MAIN REASON THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE HER ONE (selling books, and making them available), but I don't wish someone would steal her domain name. Not to mention she'd probably just purchase the "worldsyoungestnovelist" domain or something and try to make it seem like they never made the mistake.
swankivy 3 months ago
@swankivy Hmm, good point; I respectfully stand corrected....
DiaperSector2011 3 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I bet you're jealous of Stephenie Meyer as well.
gastronomist 3 months ago
@gastronomist Dude... please, tell me you're trolling us here. Please tell me you did your homework and you're not defending the literary equivalent of CWC.
Haruverse 3 months ago 2
On the subject of "how do I personally go about writing" - I used to spend ages creating a world, usually a culture with a big city. The plot served as a tour de force of my creation, the characters as vehicles.
These days I'm writing a story and I've made the most headway and written the best I personally have ever written. How? I sat down and began writing. I had no idea about what was going on or who these characters were - I worked that out later. Spontaneity and on-the-spot imagination.
MrGrinningManiac 3 months ago
@MrGrinningManiac I usually find that to be the best technique, too. I prefer character-driven, character-oriented pieces. I tend to get a little bit bored if people's novels are sort of like excuses to show off the details they've worked out. Essentially, I want to read about PEOPLE (to whom stuff happens) rather than STUFF HAPPENING (to people). If you want me to care that it's happening to someone, I have to care about the people in the story and get a sense of authenticity from them.
swankivy 3 months ago
Very interesting insight into the way the system works. You got yourself a subscriber.
MrGrinningManiac 3 months ago
@MrGrinningManiac Thanks. If you ever have specific questions, feel free to private message me.
swankivy 3 months ago
I like your reviewing style. You're not one of those people that goes "IT SUCKS!" without providing any proper evidence. I disagree with you about the Inheritance books (I personally like them) but yeah, from what I've heard of this girl she's bad news. I'm trying to write a novel myself and there is NO WAY that I'm going to walk down the same path this nutcase is.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment Yes, I'd never dream of critiquing by saying "it sucks" without support. Incidentally, I've had literally dozens of Inheritance fans tell me they were surprised to find how much they agreed with me when they read my essays on the series, and even if they still *liked* the books after hearing why I dislike them, they still agreed with my points. If you'd like to see them, Google "swankivy eragon" to see 3 essays. Oh, I'm submitting my novel to agents starting this week. Wish me luck!
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Well, TV Tropes has brought several flaws to my attention, I'll give them that. Eragon sometimes acts sociopathic, there's no real evidence that the Empire is necessarily bad (a lot of the stuff seems to be done in under-the-table esque situations in out-of-the-way places and there's no real evidence of persecution aside from one instance of people being conscripted plus that mess at Helgrind...I do admit the series has its flaws, but I still like it.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment I agree with some of the bits on TV Tropes, but that's not really where I go with mine. I explore both content and form, and give examples. I was actually one of the first people to write critically about this series. If you're a young writer, though, actually you might be interested in taking a look at it. I've gotten a lot of e-mail from aspiring writers thanking me for teaching them what not to do. Doesn't bother me if you're not interested though; just thought I'd mention it. :)
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Thanks for the tips :) I took a creative writing class my junior year in high school and I'm on my school's newspaper, plus my AP English IV teacher is very shrewd with grammar, so I'm basically having the proper writing style shoved down my throat XD I'll try and take a look though, I actually started writing the first bit a while back and decided to start over because it was...I dunno just MISSING something, i think. Pacing was bad, for one thing.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment See, the problem is, a lot of what we get taught in school isn't enough. (Yes, even AP English. Which I killed with a 5 rating during my time. And which, stunningly enough, still left me writing crappy novels at age 18.) Proper writing style doesn't really cut it--I'm not suggesting you aren't learning anything valuable in school, because you certainly are, but you learn SO much more from organically processed reading and self-motivated writing. Good luck with your work!
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Thanks :) I do read a lot myself (I actually get in trouble during school for reading instead of listening to the teacher XD) but yeah, I read a lot of the more well-published authors. CS Lewis, Brian Jacques, Jim Butcher, Timothy Zahn, and, of course, Tolkein.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment I can't say enough about how important reading is, so that's AWESOME. Practicing and listening to criticism are also really key elements to being a writer. Are you doing NaNoWriMo or anything? Just curious. My biggest problem is being wordy, so I ask my test audience to help me chop. I know what my weaknesses are. Hopefully I'll have a better shot this time; last time agents liked me 'til they saw my word count. I want to break into fiction; I'm only published in nonfiction.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I think my problem is that I'm not descriptive ENOUGH...I might do NaNoWriMo...I did manage to write around 26,000 words in the space of around a month, so I think that's pretty good for me. I do admit to writing a bit of Redwall fanfiction when I was younger that totaled around over 100 pages. I never really had any realistic plans to publish it though. I can probably ask several of my teachers to proofreadso that can help eventually.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment Cool. When people hear I'm wordy, they usually suggest I cut down on description, but description isn't my issue. I think it's the internal dialogue. My characters are usually kinda cerebral and overthink/narrate everything. NaNo is a good motivator but you might not need it if you're already motivated. I've never done it, though. I'm a fast writer anyway, which isn't necessarily a good thing. NaNo would just encourage me to have yet another hastily written novel sitting around.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Ah, navel contemplating. Yeah, having characters that constantly monologue could be a problem, I guess. I'm trying to strike a balance where my characters will dwell on something, but they won't do it constantly, whenever they have free time. It'll normally be something like a trigger phrase or some sort of event that'll bring the thought to the forefront.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment The fastest I've ever written a book was 2 weeks--155,000 words--but it was unsalvageable. Another book, 255,000 words, was written in 5 weeks. I've rewritten the giant one--a retold fairy tale--as a trilogy so it won't be so freaking huge and scare agents away. :/ As for fanfiction, it's great practice, definitely. It can't be published though, 'cause of copyright stuff.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy It normally takes me months just to type out 40 pages XD To make any sort of rapid progress I normally need to have the plot really thoroughly thought out, otherwise it goes for several pages, then the engine runs out of coal, so to speak.
teencomment 4 months ago
@teencomment Heh, it's so interesting how people write different ways . . . I don't really do what people think of as traditional plotting. Never make outlines or "decide" stuff, and have never started a book knowing how it was going to end. (Which is sometimes a problem.) I'm sorta inventing it on the page with the characters bouncing off each other and their environment, and I can retroactively make it seem more cohesive, but I think my writing process is kinda weird.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I try and make several events that are linked together by the rest of the story. I plan out the heroes, the various factions, the locations, and the villains all in advance, then put them into the story where they need to be. *Shrug*
teencomment 4 months ago
:D You are awesome. I've only read about four paragraphs of her first book, and even with Sporking, it was unbearable. I might have gone back and read more if I find someone who at least says that the books are at a level of "bad" where you can still get lulz out of them... But with some light shed on her attitude and methods of publication/popularity by you, I don't even really want to do that anymore. >_<
TheNiceHat5 4 months ago
@TheNiceHat5 Thanks. Yeah, I can't read the sporkings either. Unlike a lot of my braver fellows, I do not actually enjoy reading bad books and tearing them apart. I'm an editor, after all; bad writing pains me. On Christopher Paolini's writing, I manage to have fun voicing my righteous indignation in my essays, but I don't enjoy reading his work one bit. Gloria is much, much worse than Paolini. And until or unless that changes, her books don't deserve professional attention or financial success.
swankivy 4 months ago
I haven't read Gloria's work, where do you think I can read a part of her book? I want to know how bad this thing is. :) I love your videos, You are a very intelligent woman. :)
Theo2kitty 4 months ago
@Theo2kitty She released a sample downloadable PDF of her first few chapters through her website, but considering the huge number of errors and the resounding criticism she got based on that, I imagine it was intentional for her to pull the PDF and pretend it was never intended to be released (she claimed it "was leaked," as if anyone would care to leak it). I know of a site that does line-critiques of the book as well. You can private message me through YouTube mail if you want links.
swankivy 4 months ago
She was 15 when she wrote the first "book" right? Wasn't they guy who wrote Eragon (can't spell his name) 14 when he wrote the first one?
Evnyofdeath 4 months ago
@Evnyofdeath Christopher Paolini, author of Eragon, did not write the first book at 15 as most people seem to think. He began writing it when he was 15, but it wasn't professionally published until he was 19. The "15" age seems to be invoked constantly to make him look like more of a prodigy, tough. I'd written two crappy books by age 15, but thank goodness my parents didn't self-publish them (leading to "fortuitous" discovery by an established author who got the book in the back door).
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy Thanks for the clarification. To be honest I do somewhat like the Eragon series (I'll admit the first two do have a very amaturish feel to them though) but you made a good point with what you said in regards to it.
Evnyofdeath 4 months ago
@Evnyofdeath I think the third book is even worse than the first two in a couple ways, actually, though there are obviously some places where Paolini improved (though that's not really remarkable; if you don't get better on your subsequent books, you're kind of a screw-up, eh?). His prose is so painfully *constructed* and unnatural, and the plots and characterization are horrendous in many ways. If you ever want to read my essays on the books, you could google "swankivy eragon." :)
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy I'll probably do that soon. Either way liking something doesn't mean you have to agree with it being good or bad. Hell, tons of people love series they admit to being horrible. Watching that'll probably open my eyes to more of its flaws I haven't noticed, but I'll still probably like the series. At least its better than the failtastic movie version.
Evnyofdeath 4 months ago
@Evnyofdeath Yeah, see, I don't tend to enjoy things I think are horrible. They're legitimately painful to read and I have heard so many times that Eragon and other bad books are fun literary candy that are kinda fun to hate and enjoy at the same time. I completely don't relate to that--I don't hate the books in a fun way at all. But I'm not trying to convince people to stop reading it or take it away from them. I explain why I think it's terrible and give writing advice that can be generalized.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy And I respect you for that.
Evnyofdeath 4 months ago
@Evnyofdeath Heh, cool. ^___^
swankivy 4 months ago
'Alexa' reports that the 'British Ready-Mixed Concrete Association' has received more web hits than Gloria Tesch's Maradonia website; also, Amazon shows that a book called 'Reinforced Concrete' by Edward G. Nawy has sold more copies that any of Gloria Tesch's books!!!!
porkwilliam 4 months ago
So what's happened to the Maradonia movie? Her website hasn't been updated for 6 months. Has the movie been cancelled? That would break my heart!!!!!
sergeilebedev2007 4 months ago
@sergeilebedev2007 No idea. I'm not really up on her. I don't exactly stalk her. Mostly my knowledge about what she's doing comes to me through antishurtugal. I don't think her movie's been canceled though. I think there were issues with all the producers and directors who were doing the real work quitting due to "creative and professional differences." I saw two separate meltdowns (one more dignified than the other) from people on her team, announcing unceremoniously that they were leaving.
swankivy 4 months ago
Comment removed
SlytherinScorpio007 4 months ago
@SlytherinScorpio007 Ummm I thought it was pretty obvious that sergelebedev2007's comment was sarcastic. That is not Gloria.
swankivy 4 months ago
@swankivy
O___O Holy crap I feel like an idiot. Sorry, got carried away.
SlytherinScorpio007 4 months ago
P.S The tvtropes page for Maradonia isn't locked to protect it from Gloria (though some of us would consider it a preemptive measure) it's to protect Gloria from the tropers. Observe a previous starting paragraph to the tvtropes page, if I can make it work:
Haruverse 5 months ago
@Haruverse : "I suddenly heard a great scream, as if thousands of trees were crying out at once as they realized they were being used to print Maradonia and the Seven Bridges."\\
--'''Random reviewer'''
You thought it was bad when Robert Newcomb got The Fifth Sorceress] published some years ago. You thought that RobertStanek and his prolific sockpuppetry was the worst guy out there. There's no way the world of fantasy literature could get any worse, could it?
Sorry. It just did.
Haruverse 5 months ago
@Haruverse I don't believe I mentioned TVTropes in my video, though I did mention Yahoo! Answers and Wiki Answers (both of which were locked after vandalism you can see in the edits). I haven't any clue what's going on on TVTropes.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy You didn't mention it, but there was a link to it in the description.
Haruverse 5 months ago
@Haruverse I've seen it, but didn't make any claims about her trying to edit it. In any case I haven't seen her committing digital graffiti lately. I've mostly seen her posting a lot of other misleading and embarrassing videos on her channel, including one where she poorly demonstrates archery and claims to be "a pro," and one where she records herself hanging out alone while she's doing a book signing, and gets a fake phone call summoning her to attend to the lines of fans at her table.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy I saw that video too. It made me sad that she is so deluded.
DarwinwasWrong 5 months ago
Oh crap, did I just accidentally insult a troll? Damn. Hopefully the rant was well-written.
Haruverse 5 months ago
@Haruverse Um, yes, I think you were insulting a troll. And it's actually not a particularly convincing troll in my opinion. Too many correctly spelled words. But your point is of course valid. :)
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy It was inspired by how you said that you wrote two books before... well, about the same age as Gloria Tesch. And I realized I wrote two unfinished novels before I was the same age as Gloria, and then I read the sporkings of her work. I realized that I used to write like that, minus the bad dialogue and horrendous punctuation but the same lack of direction resulting in an Excuse Plot and no characterization. So then I thought most books written in middle-school followed the same pattern
Haruverse 5 months ago 2
Where was I? Accidentally posted early. I went to shared worlds and learned to actually write.) that the middle school books sucked, and should never be spoken of again. Especially if they're fanfic. Which maradonia is-I'd say its a crackfic or trollfic, but that would insult both of those as sometimes they are actually fun to read in the same way SBaHJ is.
Haruverse 5 months ago
@sergeilebedev2007 shut up, you asshole sock puppet. Nobody believes you, and that's pretty transparently a fake account. It would be slightly more convincing if there were actual videos on that channel. And Gloria, if you're watching this, I got something to say: you are the embodiment of all those books we wrote in middle school with great expectations, only to find out after much learning (i
Haruverse 5 months ago
Hilariously, one of the videos YouTube recommends while watching this is a video of a (real life) 16 year old baby that does not age. =D
Haruverse 5 months ago
@Haruverse I know, I've seen that before and thought it was funny. Though actually I was aware of the story in that video too, and find it sort of fascinating . . . I've seen a lot of videos about kids who have odd disorders. :/
swankivy 5 months ago
"Critics are not trying to take you down or mindlessly attack you. (But I am!!)"
eyetakenoschtuff 5 months ago
@eyetakenoschtuff You tell me; does this video, with its heaps of reasonable complaints and evidence backing them up, strike you as "mindless" or an "attack"? Surely you see why self-published authors who lie about both their popularity status and the inner workings of the industry they claim to have mastered ought to be exposed, yes?
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy I've actually never heard of her. I don't see any harm in self publishing to be honest. :) But sure, I suppose it's fine to expose someone when they lie about things.
eyetakenoschtuff 5 months ago
@eyetakenoschtuff Haha, of course there's nothing wrong with self-publishing. It has its place just like traditional publishing does. But it's true that purchasing copies of your own book that you paid another company to print necessarily means there's no quality control on the content. I want the misleading, exaggerated, and completely untrue claims her family is making about her work to have their true nature exposed, primarily because the integrity of this industry is very important to me.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Understood.
eyetakenoschtuff 5 months ago
Do you know where I can find a copy of the review that was done by that British dude a while ago? Its unfortunate that it was taken down.
GunsOfThePhoenix 5 months ago
@GunsOfThePhoenix If you're talking about Svivalityinabox, you may try PMing him to see if he plans to re-release the review, but he does plan to try an alternate host since Tesch's family and employees attacked anyone who used their material, even if it was clearly under the fair use guidelines and was for the purpose of critique and commentary (as specified in the law). Check out the FuelForTheFireplace channel, though, if you want to see a funny Maradonia review by him and another person.
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Alright, cool, Thanks :D
GunsOfThePhoenix 5 months ago
You really do have a nice voice :)
perrottafamily1 5 months ago
@perrottafamily1 Aw! Thank you! I sing too if you want to watch any singing videos, but if you just like listening to me talk there's plenty of that on this channel too. :)
swankivy 5 months ago
@swankivy Ha ha, no problem. I'll definetely check out some of your singing videos when I can.
perrottafamily1 5 months ago
YOU ARE A RIDICULOUS IDIOT FOR MAKING FUN OF GLORIA, SHE HAS PUBLISHED A GRAND NUMBER OF BOOKS, AND YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PUBLISHED. GLORIA HAS HAD OFFERS FROM HOLLYWOOD TO MAKE A MOVIE OF HER MARADONIA BOOKS, AND THERE WILL SOON BE A MARADONIA FILM RELEASED. YOU ARE JEALOUS LOSER, GLORIA IS THE YOUNGEST U.S. AUTHOR
sergeilebedev2007 5 months ago
@sergeilebedev2007 LOL! You do trolls' sentiments pretty well, but you spell too many words correctly, so maybe work on that if you want to sound convincing. And perhaps seem more personally appalled and hurt. Otherwise, pretty good job!
swankivy 5 months ago
You DO have a good voice :)
atlroxmysox98 6 months ago
@atlroxmysox98 I appreciate that.
swankivy 6 months ago
Comment removed
atlroxmysox98 6 months ago
@atlroxmysox98 Her situation IS unfortunate, isn't it. :( They're apparently struggling to even get funding for a low-budget indie movie (though their family seems to think making the movie will lead to theatrical releases), so I'm sure the theme park thing is just something that she will probably wish she hadn't said someday.
swankivy 6 months ago
Wow, Gloria is actually posting the video of her book trailer on her own channel?
/watch?v=q6oa9ifwLmU
I guess her rationale is that if she can't stop people re-posting it whenever Team Tesch gets it taken down, it might as well be available via her channel?
brighton1968 6 months ago
@brighton1968 Well, the guy who convinced her family that it was an embarrassing piece of crap which wasn't doing them any favors quit the team recently, so maybe they figured they were still proud of it and stuck it back up. I doubt they ever thought it was crap, considering a) they made it and saw nothing horrible about it when it was produced and b) Mr. Fisher continued to have "artistic differences" with Team Tesch, which suggests he didn't ever actually convince them that it was terrible.
swankivy 6 months ago
Wow. You've got a nice voice.
SonicResearcher 6 months ago
@SonicResearcher You mean you like my talking voice? I like to sing too, but I didn't do that in this video. :) (I do in some of my other videos though!)
swankivy 6 months ago
@swankivy Yes. That's what I meant. It's a nice voice. No doubt you sing well in those videos too.
SonicResearcher 6 months ago
@TheTruthcentric Well, I don't think they set out to trick their kid into thinking she's a writer or anything, and I think they believe in her work, but yes, this is a case of the whole family promoting her stuff while not actually thinking they should have to learn or play by the rules. I haven't even gotten any fiction published and my stuff has a fanbase of sorts (mainly my webcomic and my creative works here on YouTube, plus published nonfiction), and I didn't have to lie to promote myself.
swankivy 6 months ago
I’ve never heard of her but clearly you’re envious of her fame.
The three most important things in real estate are “location, location, location” and that’s really one thing. So why can’t her book be the fourth, fifth, and sixth best seller?
gastronomist 6 months ago
@gastronomist If you keep doing that, people are going to think you're actually an idiot. Think of your reputation!!
swankivy 6 months ago 2
@gastronomist
1) Gloria Tesch is NOT famous. If she was, you and everyone you know would have heard of her.
2) Have you ever read even a part from one of her books? I think not. They make Twilight seem like the next Shakespeare masterpiece. TRUTH.
3) No one is jealous of Gloria Tesch. Why? Because personally, if I had her "talent" in writing, I would have killed myself by now. She writes like a dyslexic 5 year old.
I suggest you actually know what you are talking about before you comment.
foojuice101 6 months ago 8
Hear hear!
kr1ac1em1 6 months ago
@BWcookiemonster Yeah. Even if someone is not a writer, I think it's horribly unprofessional to have frequent misspellings and typos on a professional website. It's even worse when what she's actually trying to sell you is her written word, and yet you can tell from viewing the site that she's got no business asking anyone to pay for her writing.
swankivy 6 months ago
so has the maradonia movie been cancelled? the maradonia movie website hasn't been updated for months...
porkwilliam 6 months ago
@porkwilliam I dunno. I'm no authority on Gloria Tesch. (Despite what the video makes it look like, haha.) Someone seems to have made a "the movie is canceled and they'll be announcing the cancellation soon" video, but I don't know who that person is or whether they actually have inside information. I know they've been having a ton of problems keeping crew members because of shady business practices, and have heard whispers that this means legal trouble for the Tesches. Who knows?
swankivy 6 months ago
@swankivy Lol, thanks. Yes, I've seen the video purporting to announce that the movie has been cancelled.
But wait; what's this?
/watch?v=E_SGR41Gd0A
porkwilliam 6 months ago
@porkwilliam No idea.
swankivy 6 months ago
I don't think all the blame can be placed on Gloria - I feel like she's somewhat of a victim in all of this. Her batshit family must've been filling her head with false praise since she was a child, and it's probably screwed her up.
XionXi 6 months ago 12
@XionXi No kiddin'. I mean, she's inching toward the legal age of adulthood and she's already far too old to be this immature and irresponsible, but it's true her family is reinforcing her delusions, and especially when you don't have as many non-family-controlled experiences as most other kids do, that situation tends to be powerful.
swankivy 6 months ago
@XionXi AGREED. She's going to be very screwed up later in life... I feel like I need to do something for her. Something that doesn't involve sending an absurd quantity of pizzas to her house. (Note to Swankivy when she reads this: I haven't done that, you know. I know that Gloria won't listen to reason, but that just seems asinine.)
Haruverse 5 months ago
until this video and theowlking1996s video i have never heard of Gloria Tesch
dant697 6 months ago
@dant697 Most people haven't heard of her, unless they've run into the hordes of people criticizing either her work or her approach to advertising it on the Internet. Basically: she's notorious. And she doesn't understand that that's a bad thing.
swankivy 6 months ago
grill ed wood of books Stephanie Meyer! grill uwe boll of books Gloria Tesch!!
jason friedberg and aaron seltzer of books fan-fiction writers!!!
reaperpunk94 6 months ago
I don't know why Gloria has kept this shenenigans of hers. I'm surprised she still hasn't stopped by now. Maybe her parents are still deluding her into thinking that she's a great writer even though she is terrible. I mean COME ON, my parents say I'm good but nobody ever said that "You should get published."
I want to say this: Gloria... STOP WRITING. Or at least stop self-publishing your 'books.'
paladindragoongirl18 7 months ago
@paladindragoongirl18 I actually think she should keep writing, but that her parents should stop deluding her into thinking what she's already written is genius and is worthy of publishing, television shows, and movies. I think they actually believe their child is unique and that no one else's teen is doing this sort of thing. If one day she realizes that the praise she gets is personal or purchased, maybe she'll get motivated to do something worthy of honest praise. . . .
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I'm all for kids who write (I'm one of them) but then if she can't take criticism, then it's going to lead her nowhere. You're right though about her parents believing she's a genius even though kids her age do thess things. I bet they told her that her works are "published."
paladindragoongirl18 7 months ago
@paladindragoongirl18 Yep, and I was a kid who wrote all the time, and I am an adult who writes all the time. (Just finished my latest novel clean-up and started sending it out to my test audience tonight, in fact!) Self-publishing has a time and a place, as long as people who use it don't have delusions about what it is. I think Gloria and her parents probably both think there's no difference between earning a contract and buying a print run.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I normally don't stop kids from writing though, it's just that she won't end Maradonia already and won't write something else.
paladindragoongirl18 6 months ago
@paladindragoongirl18 Yeah, it'd probably be best for her if she took a break from doing this thing that isn't successful at all, take stock of her situation, do some studying and practicing (WITHOUT immediately PUBLISHING every rough draft!), and try to write something that isn't poorly conceived. It'd be nice if she'd either improve her work or stop going through this phase, but as long as people are coddling her and protecting her from criticism, that won't happen.
swankivy 6 months ago
Dude, you are awesome.
Niobesnuppa 7 months ago
@Niobesnuppa LOL, thank you?
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy You're welcome.
Niobesnuppa 7 months ago
Taken down yesterday by Gloria Tesch, back up today!
/watch?v=uwfgM4rkYn4
porkwilliam 7 months ago
Hey Swankivy, aren't all those posters/t shirts Gloria is selling as "Maradonia Official Merchandise"... stolen artwork and images off Deviantart? I am guessing so because the ones I have seen not only look nothing like the characters, but they also look nothing like Mama Tesch's artwork.
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan I have no idea what she is selling on posters and T-shirts . . . I know that for some of the poster pictures in her newsletter she took images created by others without credit, but I don't have any idea if she ever tried to sell them. In any case it probably doesn't matter since no one is BUYING them. Disney and Luis Royo would probably be annoyed if they saw their work promoting someone else's without credit/permission, though.
Great username, btw. Makes me wish to eat you.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Thankies Kivy! And yes I saw the entire video, and the photos of the elf girl by the dragon, the woman in horned battle armor and the picture of the blonde woman in a blue dress are all being sold by Gloria as "Official Maradonia Art' as signed posters and t shirts. Shameless, isn't she? But you're right, no one is going to pay 30 dollars for a t shirt from Gloria Tesch. And us cinnabons are delicious but we prefer not to be eaten. It makes us die.
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan I don't remember seeing those things actually being sold, but despite what it looks like from this video, I haven't actually done extensive research on her activities. I really hope she is NOT currently selling anything that includes others' art used illegally. On her site you could buy posters and whatnot but I didn't see examples of what was on them.
And if you wish to not be eaten, stay away from Andalites.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I remember those images being given titles such as "Maya and the Dragon" and "The Warrior Queen", which were then advertised as posters and t shirts. They aren't on her website anymore, but the order forms that came with her October news letter still list them. Unless she has pulled them and replaced them with her own artwork, I am assuming she is still trying to sell other people's artwork.
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan Ah, I don't subscribe to her newsletter, though I've seen a couple posted online when people were making fun of them. I remember seeing the items labeled as you explain here but didn't note that they were being sold as posters. Now I wonder whether a person could send in an order form and ask to buy said stolen artwork signed by her and whether she'd actually sell it. I saw one other person try to buy something she claimed to be selling, and they received one of her books instead.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I don't either, though I am wondering if she has changed the stolen artwork to something else (because at one point, I am pretty sure the images that were on the original movie poster were being sold as "Official Maradonia Artwork", so I am curious if she has changed them to something else (I remember the picture of the elf girl being next to the order form, titled "Maya and the Dragon"). It is possible that the items don't exist, and Gloria is just padding out her wares.
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan It would actually be really excellent and hilarious (also: horrible) if she were selling others' work. I mean, if she was/is doing it, she better HOPE she never actually gets as famous as she thinks she is now, because the lawsuits will bury her. One reader tried to order her "DVD set of the Gloria Tesch show" and they cashed the check but sent nothing for months, and when the reader bugged them, they said "the producers decided not to release the set" and sent a book instead.
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy I totally wouldn't put it past her, (it is also delicious that those three images, none of which look alike or resemble Maya were being sold as artwork as Maya), but I can't confirm anything, since the orderform that actually featured what the posters looked like appears to have been deleted, (but those images were also right next to an image of the Maradonia map, which was also being sold as a poster). Gloria seems to think that with piss poor customer service, she can be FAMOUSSS!!!
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan One thing that I find INCREDIBLY curious is that for months and months (since the launch of the new website), 4 of the 6 books she advertises are unavailable (3 labeled as "sold out," lol, and one still unreleased). Instead of failing at moviemaking and focusing on making terrible attempts to look famous, perhaps they should actually HAVE the products available and get busy paying their vanity publisher to print more? What's the attention getting them if they have none to sell?
swankivy 7 months ago
@swankivy Again, the story with the dvd box set shows that whilst Gloria can rattle off obscure bible references, the parts about not stealing seem to have flown over her head. Since the Tesches seem to have blown their life savings on their daughter's enterprise, I can imagine them leaping on an unwary twenty dollar bill like a den of crack addicts.
CinnabonChan 7 months ago
@CinnabonChan Have you seen some of the meltdowns on Facebook put forth by members of her team as they quit in balls of fury?
swankivy 7 months ago