God Almighty? - and the VERY Holey Bible

[GoRdOnUE]

@CLRubyHypatia hahaha

[klevdav]

Wow this guy is hilarious

[andy0247]

Not funny mate - you are making fun of some very personal beliefs. I find this pretty offensive

[TheAlexANGST]

He's only reasoning, and trying to make sense of things. If it's offensive, just don't watch it

[califoniania]

If you find it offensive, don't watch. Though personally I find the beliefs of Christians highly offensive (especially the idea that people deserve to be tortured for eternity or that homosexuals shouldn't be able to have the same rights). The difference is that I don't get my panties all up in a bunch over it.

[BlackFlames222]

the bible doesnt seem to suggest that God is omnipotent, omnipresent or omnibelevolent

[gagnashdiak]

In one section it says (one of books of Moses) "Lord Almigthy" (at least the almighty party).

[dtrylz]

"One of those things is omnipotence. Is God everywhere?"

The term "omnipotence" means all-powerful, not everywhere. The term for everywhere is "omnipresent." Just thought I'd point out that little technicality.

[kalsolarUK]

Yes I know, just a slip of the tongue on the day and I couldn'nt be bothered to re-do the whole thing just for that. (some of the the earliest comments I got on it pointed it out). It's time I added an annotation..so now I will! Thanks for the nudge into action! Funnily enough I also considered reposting it with a clever bit of audio re-dubbing - which I might still do at some point.

[klaron0]

heh... God didn't punish Moses for smashing the tablets, but wanted to kill Moses because his son hadn't been circumcised as described in Exodus 4:24-26... One can wonder how God prioritizes various "offences"

[SuperiorSavior]

MOSSES IS GOD XD He is like the hulk :p

[Checkpoint360]

Well the commandments are locked away in the Arc of the Covenant and which has been missing obviously :)

[gagnashdiak]

isn't those just the broken tablets?

[amiterisu]

Holier than swiss cheeze XD.I can just imagine him chizzling away lol.

[J43fan]

ok God knew where they were. he wanted them to admit it. your second point fails horribly. and the ten commandments are still around. Very obviouse place to. wnna guess where? take 5 seconds then read on. THE BIBLE!!!!! DUH! he said hed preserve his word and he did.

[mortemdei]

your first point is just stupid, the second fails to see that the idea is that God should have wrote the commandments in some indestructible material, something stronger than C60.

[smaakjeks]

"ok God knew where they were. he wanted them to admit it."

Apparently he also wanted the serpent to persuade them to eat of the fruit of the tree. Just like any parent would lovingly let a child play with a kettle of boiling water on a stove: learning by burning. Only with God it's for all eternity. Lesson well learned, I say. Excuse me while I go put the kettle on.

[jalopysatantony]

RUNNIN THE GAMBIT HERE.. HAHA HARDY HAR.. HOLEY INSTEAD OF HOLY. WOW.. WELL, GUESS THAT SHOWS YOU ARE HOLLOW BETWEEN BOTH EARS INSTEAD OF HALLOW IN THE HEART,LAD... i SEE A gOD IN AY.. WHOSE? WELL, THAT'S DEBATEABLE, BUT DON'T BE TOO CLEVER, IT WEARS THIN.. think.... GOT A SQUIRREL TO FEED.. BYEEEE

[farvision]

Wait a second! If there were an 11th commandment and moses followed it then the 11th commandment would have been false! If Moses didn't follow it then god would have been ignored by him!

God can't make two results or the universe would split in two or ...

[Paxmax]

Bwaahahahaa!! that was a hilarious recap from the bible!!!

Really good job!

[kalsolarUK]

lol, thanks for that - I never though that talking about the bible could be so much fun. lol.

[ss3012a]

i think moses' punishment was that he couldnt enter Isreal....or that could have been becasue he beat a rock and didnt ask it nicely for water....i cant remember (ur videos are cool btw!)

[MrYetiBob91]

Another thing you are making up some stuff.He didn't file the calf they put it in fire.

[kalsolarUK]

I think you'll find that he burned it and also ground it down to powder (it says so in the bible...and also that other bible wikipedia). Truth is though, he did neither as Moses probably didnt exist.

[Eldxale]

He burned it, ground it to dust, mixed it with water, and made everyone drink it.

[wierdwierdos]

Very creative.

You might even create a new religion one day. Hehe. Just joking.

[Eldxale]

How is it creative. That is what Moses did, according to the Bible.

[MrYetiBob91]

When he returns you will see that he is omni-present and that he can see the future

[kalsolarUK]

sure he can...thats why regretted making saul the king of israel. a god who can predict the future could'nt make a mistake as he himself claimed to have done.

[hilbert54]

How can he return? If he is omni-present he never went away.

Infact he can't go anywhere as he is everywhere.

So therefore he can't be omni-potent as there are some things he can't do.

[kalsolarUK]

lol... Some good points you make there.

[MrYetiBob91]

It's all part of his plan,He knew exactly where they where.

[joeygroeneveld]

omg you ar real fool full of ignorance.you rely ar a clown notting more.you clearly dont understand the bible.

[kalsolarUK]

Well, I read it every day in an effort to understand it but sadly this God character (as portrayed in it) is the craziest old coot in all of fiction. If there's a real god anywhere - I certainly hope he's not like that dude!

[JuciShockwave]

*LOL @ the mountain joke* Awesome!If that's not a plot hole than I don't know what is. So many people climbed mountains, many don't even make it and they're like, what 30-40 something year olds, meanwhile here is a 100 year old man would can climb a mountain , lives and gets two stone tablets. Hilarious, good job as always.

[daleshankins]

Bloody genius!

[otakursed]

heh, Abs of Jesus and Pythons of Moses, the newest fitness craze XD

[lazarushf]

Unfortunately you could just say that God pretended to not know because it was all part of hist test which Adam and Eve failed...

[kalsolarUK]

indeed...but of course that does'nt make for good comedy, lol.

[weumumaway]

That was great, keep it up!

[BryanAJParry]

Kalsolar, don't you understand: in the Book of Genesis times, God actually wasn't everywhere as that would have been too much for Adam and Eve to understand, it was only later in the NT that he became allwhere, as it was only then that we could handle his allwhereness......

[kalsolarUK]

You're saying God dumbed himself down for adam and eve's benefit? Damn I'm so stupid..I think God needs to dumb himself down for me - for more reasons than I could possibly find time to mention on here. lol.

[BryanAJParry]

God works in mysterious, not to mention cruel, inefficient, and idiotic ways.

[Flyingkittycats]

Ah yes, don't forget the old Bible quote, "If two or more pray in my name, I'll be present,"

I can't remember the chapter or verse line, but really, that line shows that God isn't everywhere at once if you need a group of people just to call him off of his cloud!

Good work, may you make many more videos!

(Cats do fly, just like how snakes walk! I don't know why you challenge me!)

[jspugh]

Its funny when atheists try to understand theology.

[kalsolarUK]

It's even funnier when theists try to. lol.

[RobertGee]

so true... *g*

Thx for your Bible readings btw.

I almost laugh my teeth off watching your vids! :-)

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks for that, hope to have some more up soon :-)

[XLIIx42]

Your bible stories are absolutely hilarious! Keep 'em coming!

[happyjesus123]

You left off the best part of the story. After the Israelites finish their "Golden Calf Shakes". Moses commands:

[happyjesus123]

Then he (Moses) said to them, "This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbor.'

The Levites did as Moses commanded, and that day about three thousand of the people died.

Exodus 32:27-28

Then God smites them with a plague. God loves a good plague.

[kalsolarUK]

I did briefly mention that Moses told them to kill each other. And yes, God is fairly adept at smiting people with plagues.

[robtul12]

Jacob allegedly wrestled with him -- and won!

[sleys]

God isnt everywhere, he mainly resides in female changing rooms. If you were invisible wouldnt you?

[BayerLexan]

Isn't that from family guy?

[Rickandcody]

your funny as hell

[otakursed]

lmao . . . ya neglected to mention the ovaltine he made of said dust of calf XD Screw ginseng, gimme extract of bovine deity . . .

[kalsolarUK]

lol, you been eating those mushrooms again?

[otakursed]

Wha . . . did I step into your stash this time? Apologies, man, I try to keep 'em straight Xb

[only1duk]

Without discussion and non violent, constructive debate, humanity would still be living in a very primitive technological, moral, social, and ethical time (i.e. THE DARK AGES)

QUESTION EVERYTHING

We need to start living life FOR humanity, and forget these silly fairy tales before the nukes start flying!

[kalsolarUK]

Amen to that!

[GerardBlaize]

oh! amen is a christian phrase!

XD

i see what you did there

[DaxterFan]

Get your own show in TV.

[ashboxtoo]

Couldn't pick em up, no fucking way, no fucking how reasons = gold! - rofl.

[kalsolarUK]

hehe, its amazing how easily we over-look such obvious things sometimes.

[volkswagen128]

your videos rock, thanks Gisburne for recommending them to us, keep the awesome work. I did not know the bible could be so fun HAHAHA. He should have made the tabletsof carbonite or something...

[BayerLexan]

I'm thinking to put in some quality studing time, with my dvd copy of "Indian Jones and Raiders of the lost ark" and find the truth for myself about the ten comandments

[ogami72]

WOW!!! An indestructable set of the ten commandments...I bet gawd wishes he would have thought of that.

[kalsolarUK]

"10 commandments light" lol! My indestructable ones do exist...in my imagination.

[olavka]

The parts of the shattered 10 commandments are rumoured to still exist in a sub-basement in the vatican and were according to legend used to construct the catholic version of the 10 commandments. Also known as "The 10 commandments light" or "The 10 commandments for dummies".

google "Which Ten Commandments" to compare Protestant, Catholic and Hebrew versions.(Which may indicate that there were more than two versions, your indestructible one might exist somewhere ^^)

[dNRMediaProductions]

and according to legend ive got a third leg and i'm the greatest lover this side of the Atlantic ocean. But does anyone believe that?

[kalsolarUK]

lol, probably not but thanks for the info...although some might think it's just too much information.

[BayerLexan]

I'm not good with bible stories, but wasn't mosses leading some poeple around the desert for forty years, and if so, why would people be lugging heavy gold instead of water, which would be much more useful. I think god did give them some mana, but did he feed them daily? I would have ditched the gold and carried some water or food to stay alive. But that's just me. I'm not jewish, and obsessd with money(racial joke).

[kalsolarUK]

lol, I think you may have just discovered another "hole" in the "holey" bible.

[Sui445]

I know about this forty years non sense and...I don't know about you but after the first year I would have said...

Me: "WHY THE FUCK ARE WE STILL FOLLOWING THIS GUY"

Me: JESUS CHRIST!

Jesus: Yes?

Me: No not you Jesus...

[happyjesus123]

They get manna every day except Sabbath (no manna on the Sabbath but double manna the day before). This goes on for 40 years:

Exodus 16:35 And the children of Israel did eat manna forty years, until they came to a land inhabited; they did eat manna, until they came unto the borders of the land of Canaan.

[happyjesus123]

You think God would have come up with pizza day or at least provided some catsup.

[nadiaTeeze]

super funny as always

[kalsolarUK]

lol, thanks...what can I say...thank god for the bible!

[SofaKingLoaded]

Awesome video.. buybull stories are fucking hilarious.. unless taken literally, then not so funny..

[GOAQ]

Brilliant material. Your delivery is perfect. Stand-up material for sure - but lose the head mic on stage.

[kalsolarUK]

thanks..much appreciated.

[EvilZoe]

Awesome video, as always. ;)

[Gihaal]

Your videos make me love the UK and youtube all over again...

[RosieDesire]

Truely awesome...

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks, you guys are too kind! Afterall, where would I be without the good book? lol.

[Facecageworshipper]

Making fun of the Quran?

[kalsolarUK]

lol, I might just avoid that one!

[riversonthemoon]

I had never thought about how heavy those tablets must have been. 100 year old Moses the Levite, no way. Maybe Moses Hightower from the Police Academy movies could have, but not the guy of bible fame. Maybe he could do the old wingardium leviosa with his staff.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, Moses Hightower, I had forgotten his name was Moses. He might be strong, but even he could'nt carry the police academy movies by the end of their run.

[rgbda]

moses was gods little bitch

[pojopixie]

i love you:)

[ScottishAtheist]

Have you considered standup? I'm serious man you've got talent.

[kalsolarUK]

I have a couple of friends who have done standup, its a tough nut to crack if you go into it, audiences can be severe, lol - but who knows? Thanks for the comment though!

[lazymornings]

wow,you are one very funny guy,great vid.

[HubertCumberdale22]

oh my (lack of a) god! you're hilarous! I can't stop laughing! I LOVE YOU!!!

[florinmiu]

What's wrong believing a god that has no clue about where Adam was. So what God is a blood-thirsty maniac? He'll give you salvation if you worship him... unless he'll be in a bad mood on judgement day. Learn a few magic card tricks to keep him entertained and I think you'll be fine.

[pantherinbrazil]

you have become my favorite atheist video producer! Thanks and sorry GISBURNE....

[EvilZoe]

That's okay. I'm fan enough of Gisburne to make up the difference...lol

[kalsolarUK]

Talking of Gisburne, I just love his old testicles. Erm...before anyone gets the wrong idea, I mean his video of that name, lol.

[EvilZoe]

I'm rather fond of his old testicles myself. The video, of course.

[msginca]

I love this channel!!! LMFAO!!!

[Brainmold]

Well if he hadn't destroyed the tablets it would be fair to guess that they would be a protected artifact. Major religious artifacts have a tendency of being destroyed or disappearing.

[Knowntje]

omnipotence means almighty, omnipresence means being everywhere at once

[kalsolarUK]

oops, my mistake - slip of the tongue there, lol.

[Knowntje]

doesnt matter :) the video still rocks

[C0ct0pus]

great vid...made me chuckle. and it lines up nicely with christmas (that movie will be on everyday until the 26th). the camera crew comment was the best :)

[AmberNightwolf]

I've never read the bible and I stear clear of God films so I had absolutely no idea that the gold cow story was quitethat rediculous. Brilliant video.

[kalsolarUK]

I might have embellished it slightly, lol - but its all based on what it says in the book. Thanks for the comment!