Lewis Black - Airplanes

[willrothfuss]

I did new Zealand twice from NYC- and one trip was through Austraila which is a 3 1/2 hour flight to new Zealand alone. Its about 12-14 hours from LA or SF. The trick is to break up the trip from NY.

Love Lewis Black.

[TheGreggiraldo]

10 people fly first-class

[TheGreggiraldo]

1168 people want to go to new zealand

[opiateofthemasses]

I spat out a bit of soda when he said "blowin each other" :)

[AlekSensej]

Why don't you make a stop in Europe then go to New Zealand?

[serban031]

@AlekSensej because 22 hours is less than 40 hours

[AlekSensej]

@serban031 Hey just bring something to reed or if you are a kid games.

[serban031]

@AlekSensej that would mean around 4 books. Plus, you do not want to have to sit in a cramped space for 40 hours. Even 8 hours is torture, in my opinion, so 40 is not just 5 times the torture but rather 125 times the torture (increases exponentially)

[AlekSensej]

@serban031 Well people from America could land in your country. If i remember correctly

It takes 10 hours to get to you from America and then 12 hours to get to New Zealand.

Stay a few hours and go back.

[serban031]

@AlekSensej I live in America now and I visit my family in summer. The flight to new Zealand from Los Angeles is 22 hours. It's the second longest flight just an hour short, i think, off of LA to Sydney, Australia. So going to Europe 8 hours plus the other 10 hour to get to a point where only 22 hours of flight are left and then the remaining 22 hours is 40 hours going US-EU-NZ

[AlekSensej]

@serban031 Dam it I made the same mistake as Colombo.

Anyway you are right to bad the planes aren't faster

[weeyowee97]

Lmfao

[musicgoddess51]

"If the people of New Zealand want to be a part of OUR world, I believe they should hop off their islands and push them closer."

[TheJenn75]

LMFAO!!!

[jayot33]

I LIVE IN NEW ZEALAND!!!!!

[Sword1479]

@jayot33 I'd love to go there, but I don't want to deal with the plane...

[keliata]

Poor Lewis! He has a headache. Give him a Lortab

[keliata]

"So if you have the opportunity...don't."

[l8rg8r825]

wheres the fucking nurse wheres the fucking nurse!!!

[Staysa001]

I flew couch from Sydney to Houston, via Bangkok & Dubai. 33 hrs I think it was :>

[ReviewCam]

OMG! I don't know how you did that

[1995yuda]

@Staysa001 was it woth it?

i dont fucking believe it was!

[Paranitis]

@Staysa001 Was it at least a leather couch that had a recliner and gave massages?

[yelsew309]

If you get the chance... dont.

[420gma]

Respond to this video...  Love this guy !

[ruux3]

Don't stop, don't fucking stop.

[poweredbyevil5150]

I lost it when he said give the passengers 5 foot sticks so they can sit wherever they want. too fucking funny!

[fglp666]

Brilliant



[irwinrussell60]

If you ever get the opportunity to go to california, take a pencil out, sharpen it, and

SHOVE IT IN YOUR EYE!  -Lewis Black

[johnnyboy9525]

lewis black can make fun of anything

[THESCARECROWMD]

if ur in couch kill ur self

[THESCARECROWMD]

stick ur head in tilet then flush it thesuckionis such hat ur head will be rip right off...then spending 8 or 9 hours in couch.

[IKantBeleve]

This has to be smartest if not funnies joke I've ever heard. After watching this it made me think, and the more I started to think, the more I wanted to laugh.

[TheFortissimo1]

So funny. Genius!!

[gamesbok]

Airline travel is hell, they make it hell deliberately. It's a security measure. It's so that when you get to immigration at the far end you look like your passport photograph.

[naizret]

He can be very funny, and he has an amusing manner and voice; but he says 'fuck' and 'fucking' and 'shit' way, way too much. It gets very tiresome very quickly.

[rustyATV]

@naizret  shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits

[naizret]

@rustyATV Very clever! You must be a high school graduate ...

[rustyATV]

@naizret And you must not be...



[ShintaNinja]

@rustyATV you have a duplicate on your list sir

[rustyATV]

@ShintaNinja Well, if you want to be technical about it, I'll just strike that motherfucker away!

[maybach6536]

I feel his pain.

[TheSamara89kitten]

@maybach6536 LOL I know right? Sydney - New York kills you...first class is just as bad..

[ProductionsThatFSU]

how the fuck can you dislike this video

[sean7796]

Wheres the fuckin nurse!!! Wheres the fuckin nurse!!!

[FoxsNewsReport]

well,tough titties. Lewis Black is funny.

[thez33k]

but its only a 12hr flight?



[LocalCalmMarket]

@thez33k 2 years later....

[PeeingMyOwnBlood]

I always laugh when he says "Kill yourself!"

[sean7796]

wheres the fuckin nurse!! wheres fuckin nurse!! hahaha

[sean7796]

THERES 14 HOURS TO GO!!!!!!

[BJJaggieFutMarine]

dont stop, DONT FUCKING STOP.

[Teutonic1250]

3:06 my 6th grade science teacher.

[MoldlyMildew]

Did the flight thing to NZ in coach slept alot and watched Full Metal Jacket a few times. Best time I have ever had in my life was in NZ cant wait to do it again. Hilarious skit though!!

[393lehman]

26 people have no sense of humor

[MrBoobs457]

@393lehman Stop spaming every Lewis Black video with that shit retard.

[hellofaname]

5 dislikes flew on a 22 hour airplane on coach

[doggfather9840]

the other dislikes are the respective penguins' partners

[ravenquirk]

Lewis Black and (older) George Carlin's voices sounded very simular.

[relazar]

I went to Australia in coach, and yeah, pretty much, kill yourself. The country is awesome, the journey is pure shit.

[relazar]

I went to Australia in coach, and yeah, pretty much, kill yourself.

[ProductionsThatFSU]

WHO THE FUCK DISLIKED THIS?!

[Deanbass77]

Fire that sum bitch up and throw it at my head.

[jasonlammons]

scoliosis:)llololo

[Nacek112]

The last part always cracks me up... :D

[the2crowrox]

Jesus Christ humanity, we can travel across the entire fucking world in less than a day and WE BITCH ABOUT IT?

I wish we remembered the times when it took a day just to get into fucking town, and any serious journey was a matter of MONTHS.

And compare a plane's seat with that of a wagon, or a fucking saddle. Let's not mention that you get free food, entertainment, liquor, temperature control, etc.

It's an INFINITELY better method of travel than any other in history, AND WE BITCH ABOUT IT.

[kellyraye815]

@the2crowrox And we had to travel uphill, both ways. In the snow. Your point is?

[Motive11331]

@the2crowrox Take your medicine and head inside for your nap.

[nimrooo]

@the2crowrox

remember Concord?

we have the technology to make it significantly shorter. He's got a right to bitch and moan when it could be a much faster trip.

[MattCadillac]

@the2crowrox Who cares? We developed technology to make the time it takes to get there shorter, don't you think they could make it a bit more confortable? Also, nice rip off of Louis C.K.

[the2crowrox]

@MattCadillac Man, I'm getting a lot of shit for that comment. Guess I should be less of a cunt.

Who the hell is Louis C. K.?

Anyways, just to play devil's advocate, airplane seats are already one of the most comfortable means of transportation in history. Ever rode a horse or sat on a wagon?

[MattCadillac]

@the2crowrox Depends on the company really, and also to amend myself, comfortable*. Louis C.K. is a hilarious comedian, who was on Conan O'Brian (Brien?) and said almost exactly the same thing you did, just paraphrased. I highly recommend checking him out. And yes, I have rode (ridden?) a horse. And it is quite uncomfortable. However, we are well beyond those days, and it's no longer a viable means of travel. So if we have the ability to make something more comfortable, why don't we?

[hanndeledd]

Been there a few times not fun!(even in first class)



[hanndeledd]

Been there a few times not fun!(even in first class)



[necessaryevil101]

imagine if lewis black did a tagteam with carlin when he was alive on a hbo show :)

[Leanan101]

Black is the only man on earth who can make the bleak, dumbass insanity of our world....into something funny, holy shit, now that deserves an Nobel Peace Prize.

[foleyisstillgod]

2:01-2:04 is so fuckin' funny

[MegaLink117]

3 people are from new zeland 

[jelloegg]

@MegaLink117 4 now.

[zephyroth6969]

Just saw this guy live in Cedar Falls, Ia. The show was hilarious!! Even got him to sign a book and take a pic with him afterwards. One of the most epic nights of my life, lol.

[NoirBillie]

I love Mr. Black 

[Saturos007]

Funniest man in the world, I mean that. Definitely the funniest man in America, but I haven't listened to any foreign comedians so as far as I'm concerned he is =D

[VexonCross]

@Saturos007 You are seriously missing out on some British and Aussie geniuses.

[danerogil]

@Saturos007 He's hilarious, but come on, there's alot of other talent out there so give credit where credit is due.

[mc080290]

@Saturos007 If you get a chance, listen to Eddie Izzard...he is hilarious.

[Commandoj251]

and if your in coach. kill yourself.

[TheMakayla08]

Don't work out while listening to this. It don't work that way.

[TREYOLDHIPPIE]

HBO has the brains to PUT OUT the best.  Fuckin A! fuck yes! fuckin funny, fukin cool, fukin rite, outasite. Go Lewis! I dont fly unless I have comedy to hear and drugs to sedate me.

[michellemcateer]

@passivefist and 666babykiller. Me three- love where we are- keeps out all the riff raff - well nearly all!! I've flown a few times to the states and I managed to keep myself sane.

[privateryan18]

i was actually squeezin my head to see what its like xD

[iatfai0428]

19hr if you are not stuck on the tarmac waiting to take off.

[anthonini7]

it's ONLY 12 hours from the west coast, 19 from the east coast.

[breaktheton]

this guy is too funny hahaha oh fuk

[fastfighter]

LMAO

[fasanbur]

I love this man

[mateo51790]

There are a lot of awesome comedian's out there, but Lewis Black is the top of my list. He is sooooo funny

[DistortedDimension]

I've flown to New Zealand and everything he says is so trueee. I thought I was going to go crazy by the sixth hour.

[laiosto]

@DistortedDimension Try a 35 hour flight from Sydney to Amsretdam you wuss.

[Dogheadj]

@laiosto Or a two day flight from India to the U.S. every 6 weeks, then a two day flight back.

[christinexslipknot]

"What they should do, I think, is just take all the coach seats out of the planes and give everybody a five foot stick. That way you can sit wherever you want, take it, shove it up your ass, spin around. When you get bored then after twelve hours you can just beat the shit out of each other."

I literally pissed myself from laughing. I love you, Lewis Black. XD

[sexykatie911]

coolvideos456

[FatGuyWithAKatana]

fire that son of a bitch up and throw it at my head! that's what i say every time i go to taco bell

[ThePassiveFist]

LOL. very funny. Personally, I'm happy with our islands right where they are. very, very far away from the rest of the world...

[666MrBabykiller]

@ThePassiveFist Fucken aye. Having our beautiful islands so far away is what keeps all the bullshit so far away

[Hollow3500]

@TheAmazingStalinist

THANKS YOU Carlin rest in peace

[aircarter15]

the 2 people who disliked this vid are the 2 penguins blowing each other

[ZitahGirl]

@aircarter15 LOL

[DH2020]

@aircarter15 nope more likely 2 people with scoliosis who are really pissed off!!

[TheSmackerlacker]

@aircarter15 I feel the need to silence this thing once and for all. The 2 people who disliked the video, are not penguins, and their not blowing each other.

The very notion that these people should be insulted and degraded by anyone, merely for having the nerve to have different tastes, is the definition of bigotry, the root of fascism, and the origin of totalitarian doctrines.

Anyone who makes a comment like this is a fool, a bigot, and utterly unworthy of respect by anyone with a conscience.

[averagepatriot]

@TheSmackerlacker its called humor

[TheSmackerlacker]

@averagepatriot No. Humor is when someone says something that makes me laugh. Asinine is what it's called. It's called obnoxious, unthinking, stupidity. If you're going to steal someone's joke and pass it off as your own, you better be fucking sure that no one has heard it before.

You know what? It wasn't funny the first time I heard it, but it was kind of clever. After seeing the same joke hundreds of times, I'm fucking sick of it. It's not funny anymore. It's not even clever.

[MiahTheStormWolf]

@TheSmackerlacker Then by your own explanation you are a bigot for for insulting and degrading the people making the comments.

[MiahTheStormWolf]

@TheSmackerlacker Way to be a hypocrite.

[TheSmackerlacker]

@MiahTheStormWolf I don't think that hypocrite means what you think it means. A hypocrite is someone who holds others to a standard that he cannot live up to himself.

Is that what you meant? If it is.... WTF are you talking about?

[MiahTheStormWolf]

@TheSmackerlacker Apparently the first half of my comment didn't get posted. The primary part of my comment stated that by your own logic, you yourself are a bigot for insulting and degrading the no-longer-clever joke. Sure, it's not funny anymore, but it's still free speech.

[TheSmackerlacker]

@MiahTheStormWolf My disgust is not aimed at those who would present ideas that I don't agree with, but with the unthinking mentality that spawned this unfunny joke. Furthermore, I do not attack people for telling the joke, but rather, for repeating it ad nauseum. It is not bigotry to disdain those who harass me with their incessant and obnoxious repetition of the same, inane nonsense.

While we're on the subject of free speech, is plagiarism protected by this right? Is that not what this is?

[loganwsalyers]

@aircarter15 7 penguins now... penguin orgies don't sound very appealing...

[Nukemmike]

I guess he hasn't seen the new 'saddle seats' that are being proposed now. They cram you into 23" of space!

[Anthrolithos]

@Nukemmike I would prefer stasis pods myself.... XD

[robtul12]

This is so hilarious. And true.

[fantasymaster71]

yeah, but if anyone is old enough to remember George Carlin, he did work for the Thomas the Tank Engine series when Strand owned it. ''Member? Thomas the Tank Engine. Because when he died of whatever it was he died of, everyone said: 'Member Geroge? No, He voiced Thomas the Tank Engine. I don't think people remember that though.

[Frisbeetime]

@fantasymaster71 I certainly do!

[darlingdino]

I'm going to New Zealand in 4 days.....10 hours to LA then 13 1/2 across the pacific. This isn't helping my anxiety! lmao

[STU676]

@darlingdino have a good trip

[darlingdino]

@STU676 Thank you so much, I did. It wasn't THAT bad at all and it went fairly quickly. I'd go back!

[MackFoFiddyDeux]

i saw him in april and nothing made me happier. rock on black!

[SATANECRONOMICUS]

I love um both. Carlin owns, black powns.

[komorokiwi]

And for an ex-pat Kiwi, this LB sketch is called 'Visiting Home'. Everybody loves holidays/vacations, but Kiwis are always subdued at the airport, because they know their relatives, after a bitch flight, need a meat pie, some L&P and a good fuggin sleep! Gifts and duty-free are given after a 'good' sleep and the 'homecoming' wake up.........tourists...sorry you need to man-up and deal with it. Lewis, mate take a greyhound from LAX to NY and then mock my country. YOu are a champ, keep trucking.

[zeldafan1997]

"We could have landed on an iceberg, with just two penguins blowing each other, and I would have been trilled."

[TracyAndersonFoxhunt]

this dude is funny

[mophead2345]

I've never flown in an airplane, and is sounds like it sucks.

[callinator92]

@mophead2345 if its a short flight its no big deal..but, like he said, anything past 8 hours is hell

[raithrover1976]

Ha ha, I wondered what he meant by coach. We tend to call it cattle class over here in the UK. I always want to kill the people who get to turn left on entering the aircraft!

[TheRobertRyder]

2 people missed the like button

[ManicMiasma]

"If you have the opportunity... Don't."

[Ally12291]

two penguins blowing each other

[InDarkDominion]

That ONE dislike is either from a troll, or an idiot.

[flexibledude123]

@GreyLabrinthine, throw Dunham and Gabriel Iglesias into that mix too

[GreyLabyrinthine]

@flexibledude123 Agreed, altough I think Dunham has produced only one really funny thing. But that's just personal opinion :)

[zachkoshgarian]

Black is a GENIUS

[amysusan100]

love lewis black! the best comic today

[zionite111]

The holy trinity of truth and comedy:

George Carlin, Bill Hicks and Lewis Black.

[GreyLabyrinthine]

@zionite111 Let's make it the four musketeers or something and put Marcus Brigstocke in there, too :D And Dave Allen as their old, good mentor. And Dylan Moran as the seriously funny, always drunken sidekick. Oh my, you English people really do have/had some drop dead hilarious comedians.

[ChristanPaige]

that fucking red bubble is annoying,

[hoffhouseSIX]

Probably my favorite episode of Lewis Black; a true legend.

[manoljo]

Carlin is still King. Period.

[marick626]

@manoljo

I don't think its fair to compare the two. Black is in my opinion, the king of political satire. Carlin is the king of all the other shit.

[youtaughtmehowtolive]

and if you're in coach..kill yourself

[MrAleckazee]

HAHAHAHA! "After 22 hours on a plane any land mass is beautiful. We could have landed on a tiny ice berg with 2 penguins blowing each other and I would have been thrilled to see them." hahahahahaa

[fastman69001]

and i would have performed lol.

[runnysmokey0304]

Food food liquor liquor food liquor liquor food food

LMAO

[rpowarz]

Ditto! lol

[team1200]

hahaha shove the stick up your ass, spin around :P

[Evi1M4chine]

I recommend flying to one or two nice pacific islands that are on the way. Like Bora-Bora. Spend the whole day there (no need to unpack stuff or to get a hotel), then take the next plane at the evening. So that you can sleep til you reach the next island. :D

Of course its going to be expensive. But what did you expect, going to the other end of the world? ^^

[Z0hann]

..and if your in coach... kill yourself.

[MEEEEE2892]

scoleoses lol

[maidenkid84]

don't stop don't fucking stop! lmao

[TheGreatWolfFenrir]

Im from New Zealand.

[whitedarknessnight66]

me to i still love this though its like 26 hours from frankfurt, yay for me

[wormboy73]

Did u get ur people organized into jumping off ur island and start pushining it closer

[TheGreatWolfFenrir]

Yeah bro hard haha

[Robotechfan99]

"who do you think designed the coach seats in the airplanes. i think it was a guy with scoliosis who was fucking pissed. god dammit this is the most comfortable chair ever, i dont know what they're bitching about, this is perfect". Black is a fucking hilarious man and george is good as well

[79898325]

omg I just about died laughing watching this...so true

[ultrajd]

Hes right if Im om a plane for more then four hours I start to go crazy. I hate flying.

[TheAmazingStalinist]

Carlin rules but Black is awesome too!

[munchie944]

@TheAmazingStalinist check out Bill Hicks and Doug Stanhope.......they are and were amazing!!!

[XBladeWingX]

@TheAmazingStalinist yup. Black was heavily influenced by the king of comedy afterall