56 Homer Simpson Quotes

[surferdudette19]

" Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers. "

[ShadowkeeperTei]

Uhh, yeah... Umm... Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields... *whispers* some illegal fireworks, AND one of those disposable enemas. Nah, make it two!

[nhesson259]

I don't know what you've got planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out.

Missing

Kent: I's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?

Homer: I told you last night - no! Where is Bart anyway? His dinner's getting all cold...and eaten.

[gillylikesbikes]

He he tit mouse

[HSimon1981]

I'd kill you if I had my gun, yeah well you don't.

(muttering) Lousy big shot, thinks he's so big because he's got a lot of guns but if he didn't have any guns I'd show him a thing or two then have him walk into my store and then we'll see who's worried about five day waiting periods.

Lisa: Dad, it's 3am, can't you mutter in your room?

Homer: Marge kicked me out.

Lisa: oh, all right, go ahead.

Homer: pushy kids, think they can tell me what to do in my house, I tell you, parents these days.

[matamatonga1]

20 of the 56 quotes are just doh! :)

[KevlarNinja]

32 people are related to Frank Grimes.

[JacobMexi]

5:21 I say that about every time I get fucked by the government..

[murdock2k8]

what song is that a 2.20?

[noizyme]

@murdock2k8 Gary Glitter - Rock & Roll, Pt. 2

[kpinchy15]

is it weird that i know which episodes were heard here? lol

[stino22]

@kpinchy15 Nope. I do too. We're not weird, we're just really big fans .  :)

[dylanwalsh2k8]

does anybody know what song that homer sang between 2:15 and 2:21.

if you do please tell me p.s. shanef839 is gay

[ilovedome69]

4:01 translated captions english

[webcamfan2569]

@bobskindoodle Uh Hey do you a video of Homer saying "To start press any key, where the any key?"

[creamyfilling102]

oh my god these are all so funny. they haven't made anything worth a shit in the last 10 years

[agentwow1]

doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh doh

[riptide178]

I'd kill you if I had my gun... Yeah well you don't hahaha so funny

[SQWINKIEZ]

Homer Simpson is the best. It will always be the best. Nothing after the simpsons will be better.

[greywolf2320]

"Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me."

[weepingod]

Homer is very culturally evolved.

[tab1990]

De Fault! De Fault! De Fault!

[rowdymax1]

"The Internet? Is that thing still around?"

[rowdymax1]

Titmouse..teehee tee hee

[rowdymax1]

Most of these are from the first 7 seasons...not one from 2003 on.

[rowdymax1]

From 2005:Homer sitting at the kitchen table after cooking up a giant cotton candy ball..Lisa and Bart climb on his lap.... "There, there kids...suckle daddy's sugar ball."

[SGVknarf]

i love his gun rant

[stub112]

I have officially raped the replay button

[Drakageddon]

Homer: "Marge how many kids do we have oh no time to count i will just estimate uhh nine!

Marge: "Homer you know we dont have-"

Homer: " Shut up shut up if i dont hear you its not illegal!

My favourite bit :)

[aoinatafanboy84]

@Drakageddon "If I don't see it, it's not illegal!"

[Preethem1997]

alright brain.U don't like me and i don't like u.but lets just do this and i can get back to killing u with BEER.its a deal.

Brain:ammmmm BEER.

hahha lmao

[coolykoko]

Homer: Let's go to that building...thingy, with our beds and TV

[demonFanEv]

My Favourite...Marge: "Ooh look, the house number is spelled out in letters!" ... Homer: "Get used to it Marge, from now on we'll be spelling EVERYTHING with letters" hahaha

[supersonicbro]

I don't even need to watch the video, I can look at the comments.

[XdynomightX]

no beer and no tv make homer umm.. somthing something! marge: go crazy?

Dont mind if i do! dnawdbnabfwif

[MrTuber6969]

that`s a right triangle ya idiot

[bomt697]

No TV NO Beer Makes Homer go something something....

[crh2010]

"i'd kill you if had my gun"

"yea, well you dont" lmao

[TheBladeRunnerr]

Marge: Mr Burns called he said if you dont come in tomorrow dont bother coming in monday.

Homer: WOO HOO! four day weekend!

[missersuperman]

I like "go ugly up someone else's house, you penis-curling she devils!"

[cfortin22]

@missersuperman where is that from?

[missersuperman]

@cfortin22 an episode called "Moe Letter Blues"

[missersuperman]

@cfortin22 from an episode called, "Moe Letter Blues" 

[vacation0]

Its a pornography store...I was buying pornography.

[TheMetalhead804]

doh counts as a quote?

[MrNatedunkin]

the first quote is from trouble with trillions

[ConkerPucci13]

You missed a few quotes! they were in the first and second season

[MrNatedunkin]

@ConkerPucci13 those were the good episoes

[stino22]

I like the sudden high quality of the quote at 8:26 :)

[droitnow]

Why did you cut out the "illegal fireworks" part of that quote at 6:46 ?

[TheDisturbed0ne1]

The best quote ever is: "If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing", followed by "If at first you don't succeed, give up". I live by those principles.

[webkinzlover93ify1]

28 People took mountian dew xD

[oldmanmike89]

Classic.. all the best quotes are there! You really know your Simpsons

[unmemorablehero]

You did get my senior quote which I'm happy about, "you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college"

But I wish you would have put in, "Oooh!! He card read good!!!"

Still nicely done on the video.

[505CoDplayer]

AGH! DAMN IT!

[soutpark09]

that's the worst movie i have ever seen

I HATE THIS MOVIE

[BillyT4evr]

Prayer doesnt belong in public school just like facts dont belong in organised religion

-Superintendent Chalmers

[Flutterdash]

EHEHEHEEE EEHEHEHEHEHEEE

[friskystapler]

EUGH! I'll take the crab juice

[Alexiomeister]

The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... Statue of Liberty... that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!

[Devilkryer]

7:13! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH­AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[hellscruel]

I think you might of forgot "D'oh"

[truesonic13]

@hellscruel he put a lot of them

[stargazersgone]

BEST QUOTE EVER"Do'h,"

"A Deer,"

"A Female Deer!"

[JDfanforever]

XD I love Homer! "eewwwww, I'll have crab juice!" Also love the tetanus shot one and the titmouse one.

[BigOldMrKnish]

"[insert quote here]"

[HaloBalla]

the quote at 4:10 is missing the first part :(

[Filipjphry]

how bout "drown out everything but the sound of my criticism"?

[Fireproofretz]

Homer: AAAAH! its the rapture, quick hide Bart before God comes!

[d1sun]

When did he quote Scarface????

[gazh92]

the new eposides are are discraceful..... they should stop makin em now...up to 2000 all classics.!

[georgielovejoy]

watch the simpsons episode on my channel, series 8, before it gets deleted because of copyright

[NeosparkJ80]

Homer is my favorite character!

[3rdeyeization]

(homer referring to skinner) marge be easy on him he pays barts salary. (marge): he does not. (homer): why can't you support my giberish, i'd do it if you were stupid. lol

[sugarnads]

doh

a deer

a female deer

still cracks me up 20 years later

[rachchauhan99]

The BEST Quote "DO'H"

[tylergerald]

"We have a back yard that makes our front yard look like an IDIOT!"

"...and I gave that guy directions, even though I DIDN'T even know the way there! Cause that's the kinda guy I am this week :)"

*sound of a car hitting something* "Stupid horse! It's a DEER crossing!" *Homer pulls up with blood all over the windshield* lmao

[kabal5000]

TOP 4 :

in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

it was a pornography store i was buying pornography

the math one after the porn shop one cause that's where i learned geometry

clown college

[Edd731]

I love when homer wants to buy the gun and cant and then walks of muttering all day and then goes into Lisa's room and carries on muttering haha love it.

[lastlivingsoul09]

This is great!

[LokoLobo]

what I liked about the old Simpsons is unlike Family Guy they didn't have to go out of their way to "appear" clever or funny they just were ^_^

[tmcmu0e]

If I don't hear you it's not illeagal

[onehandedman]

"oh fudge. That's broken. Fiddle-de-dee, that will require a tetanis shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going tO KICK THIS DOG HOUSE DOWWN!!!" Best one.

[rascaldazzle]

my favorite from who shot mr. burns: homer:kids, would you step out of the room for a minute. fu-! (organ music plays and crows fly off the roof.)

[WarriorCroco]

da da da da da, hay! da da, da da da da, hay! da da

[IBOUGHTYAMOM]

BEST QUOTE EVER "woman are like beer... but you cant stop at one you have to drink another woman and another woman"

[IBOUGHTYAMOM]

BEST QUOTE EVER "woman are like beer... but you cant stop at one you have to drink another one and another one"

[Tinfoil93]

I'd kill you if I had my gun.

[Mastermind8908]

"To start press any key. Wheres the ANY key?"

[CaptainCheq]

Smitty.. Safen Up!

[janmac86]

My favorites:

Stupid horse, it's a deer crossing! (after hitting a horse with his car)

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.

[Proeliator13]

3:36-4:07 best part

[forgottennamine]

I know it's pointless, but it annoys me when family guy clips get more than 5x the number of views than Simpsons clips. It's subjective, but I think that the Simpsons is much more creative and much less like cheap gags. [at least the old episode were]

[janmac86]

@forgottennamine Exactly! The Simpson doesn't abuse cheap jokes like racial discrimination, profane words, religion, disability, etc...

[IBOUGHTYAMOM]

@janmac86 fuck you, you son of a bitch one day you meet your destiny

[warbuff6644]

Lol @0:21

[rednekin100]

like that day i hit the referee with the whiskey bottle lmao

[Presekaman]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­HHAHAHAH XDDD

[jusnito0826]

Mmmmmmm 64 slices of american cheeeeeeeeessssseeeeee........­................

[floresarts]

@jusnito0826 "I think I'm blind..."

[hockeycox07]

Titmouse...hehehehehehehe

[johnosandra]

THIS WAS HILEROUS THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRACK UP

i dont have to be careful ive got a gun

in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

[CtrlAltDelete1080p]

Woooooow awsome video

NOT!!!

[xX95Yankees95Xx]

"You can treat me like dirt, and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream! And if you don't like it, I CAN CHANGE!" hahahahahhahaha

[risatt123]

I think you missed a "Doh!"

[368123]

I would choose crab juice over mountain dew anyday!

[TheShopaholicLADY]

Pffft! Who needs english? I'm never going to england!

[57250tr]

This is a solid spread of wisdom from Homer

[jneveau85]

Another good one that I think could've been on this list: "if he's so smart how come he's dead?"

[masterplan13]

@FromEeveeToEon112 LOL yes I love that one!

[mbos14]

i think you forgot a do'h



[dingo2333]

Now lets go back to that...building thingy... where our beds and TV ....is

[joebeast15]

"A pornography store, I was buying pornography."

[miked157]

I'd say my favourite Homer quote would have to be from the episode "Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot" when he is trying to find his way out of the cornfield maze and keeps getting shocked by an electric fence. He drops to his knees and yells " How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?!"

[tmcmu0e]

da da da da da HEY!

[5a0h]

Homer: He's got all the money in the world but there's one thing he can't buy.

Marge: What's that?

Homer: A Dinosaur!

[tgunn71]

25 people dont like Homer

[memacgrath46]

I love that when homer's brain talks back to him, there's an echo

[AstralPossibilities]

0:42 - 0:58 LMFAO Homer is so funny. ^.^

[Bigice99]

lmfaoooo!!!

[TheZebbson]

awsome!

[ShiningStardust1]

In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!!!!!

[KirbyKid38]

25 people didn't see the ending to the planet of the apes

[KirbyKid38]

25 people are pushy kids

[Bigalsyed]

Great work mate.

[PurpleWorldOrder]

Oh fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot.

[NickandAdrianne]

When I was seventeen, I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen, when I was seventeen.

[The666VampireGirl]

DO'H!!

[kingbfla]

Homer is the best!

[shaneumtuch]

i dont need anything like that.............yet

[hanscombe72]

IN THIS HOUSE WE OBEY THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS!!!!!

[HungrySoul262]

They forgot my fav quot :everytime i lern somthing new it pushs somthing old out of my brain

[patu8010]

When I read Homer quotes and how people say they use them in real life situations, it just makes me wish English was my first language!!

[wwwRODcom]

Wooohoooo!!!! 4 day weekend!!!!

[slipknot1915]

I like the part when Homer talks...

[Hunsfun]

some of the quotes doesn't really make much sense without video lol

Like the pie quote where he bangs his head

[Disposably]

Love the schoolgirl giggle!

[187NotGuilty4]

It was the cruel act of child abuse that became our most beloved gag

[Cripesify]

Help Marge the doll's trying to kill and the toasters been laughing at me (treehouse of Horror 3)

[branditoism]

@Cripesify i laughed sooooooo ahrd when i saw that

[gatoradeee]

you forgot the best homer quote of all time--"I AM SO SMART! S-M-R-T! I MEAN.. S-M-A-R-T!!"

[PlayBackMax]

@gatoradeee i have a shirt that says that

[BlackBelt288]

@gatoradeee best line is "SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"

[alsnow13]

The only danger is if they send us to that terrible planet of the apes!

Wait a minute, statue of liberty.

THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

[lukasungen11]

screw south park, screw family guy, simpsons is the shit!

[zenmaster60]

@lukasungen11 Not anymore unfortunately.

[Billyjoebum]

I like the part where he says d'oh

[sips2111]

I love The Simpsons <3

[natesvlogs]

"lousy pushy kids. people don't know how to rear children"

[IPrOBaDMaNSoUnDS]

it bored and it waste my 10 mins!!!!!!

[prehist0ry]

@IPrOBaDMaNSoUnDS u suck.

[Trissica]

21 people missed the like button

[InnerSpaceee]

I wish it was still this funny.

[lo247365]

@InnerSpaceee how the mighty have fallen,,maybe one day they will be funny again

[2010MConnolly]

no beer and no tv make homer go something something

go crazy?

DONT MIND IF I DO

[kyleandrewmatuszewsk]

Matt Groening is a genius the Simpsons and Futurama are both way better than family guy or any other cartoon comedies for that matter!

[JDKpunk909]

LA GRILLE?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

[stacy003sullivan003]

D'ooooh!

haha lmao

[bigkid36]

You're not even listening to me.....Yes they will....LMAO!!!!!!

[Ascension100]

5:04 had me on the ground and i couldnt get up for ten minutes holyyyy

[g8282]

there you go ratboy!

[wolfstar741]

XD 2:23

Homer: DO'H

Lisa: a deer!

Marge: a /female/ deer

XDD

[Ascension100]

@wolfstar741 am i stupid cuz i dont get it?

[JDKpunk909]

@Ascension100 Homer said do'h and doe is a female deer. Get it now?

[gartnavel89]

@JDKpunk909

Oh, yeah! I always thought Marge noticed it's lack of... appendages.

[joebeast15]

@JDKpunk909 No it's from the Sound of Music actually.

[prehist0ry]

(driving)

(tire screeching)

(bang!)

Homer: Dooooh!!!

Lisa: A deer!!

Marge: ..A female deer!!

one of the best.

[krispyrice1]

ewww.. i'll take a crabjuice

[mbos14]

20 poeple didnt want the sugar !! :D

[StuffedAnimalAdvisor]

he tried to lie to the IRS...tch tch tch

[ironicsoldier]

"they said if u dont come in tomrow, dont bother coming in on monday"

"WOOHOO! four day weekend!"

that fucking cracked me up

[johnosandra]

"there it is homer the cleverist thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it''

[DisneyVideoPlace]

homer, mr. burns says if you don't bother coming in today, don't bother coming in monday.

WOOHOO! 4 day weekend!

oh homerr(:

[Rynorak46]

IF WE DON'T COME BACK AVENGE OUR DEATHS!

All right.

[me23482]

i hope he never die

[drumsalive]

haha classic!:)x

[jimmys3160]

this is a good tribute for homer good job

[Tinak00777]

homer simson is there reson for makeing Spy crabs extinct LOL