Tonight Show Funny Headlines!

[scorpioman1000]

what is the song

[tiedyeplanet]

@scorpioman1000 Paralizer by Finger Eleven

[CliftonPhotographer]

Does 2:23 really surprise anyone. B-day at Hooters for a 1 year old?

With people named "Pa Bop, Grammy Pam and Pap" I'd be shocked if one of the cousins wasn't a serving girl at Hooters too!

[thatstopmotionkid]

gross and tingley...lol

[DizzleHell]

to bad the music is not LOUDER

[allengyani]

there is nothing more funnier on telly than jay. it's as simple as that.

[ChrisFlipsAlot]

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE USE THIS GAY FUCKING SONG SO MUCH IN YOUTUBE VIDS!!! iM GONNA KILL MYSELF IF I HEAR IT AGAIN!

[rogen80]

@ChrisFlipsAlot I just muted it :)

[FPGT24]

@ChrisFlipsAlot i couldnt agree more. im so fucking sick of hearing this song on every vid i click on that has music. that and "Bodies" by Drowning Pool.

[skillet6789]

at 0:46 the awnser is yes they elected bush didnt they?

[wotucudavwon]

Maybe the problem with the Cafe at 1:44 is the fact its on Elm Street.

[SecularTechnology]

I didn't get the Andrew Jackson one.

[isaachaze1]

@SecularTechnology it was the fact that he was orphaned at age 13 (or whatever) was a "fun fact".

[silver90espio80]

y didnt you put crack found in mans buttocks (yes that was accually in the newspaper)

[nbafan97]

The music is annoying in this...

[Myfaceisonfirenow]

Why this song?? AUGH IT SUCKS

[66tyman]

on 1:13 must been a slow news day lol

[kube253]

y do u add annoying music? it kills it BOOO 1star =)

[averymonkey9]

I THOUGHT THAT WAS INTERESTING. jay leno ROCKS! too bad the tonight show is not on anymore

[blondielovestwilight]

bahahahaha WHY DONT YOU WANT TO COME.because its on elm street haha

[whitechocolet100]

i don't get 1:07

[bulldogsarethebest]

linda larade won the lottery. the winning ticket was drawn by...linda larade. kinda suspicious.

[blondielovestwilight]

the ticket was drawn by the same person who won it i think

[danmintur]

1:56, explain

[SecularTechnology]

Meagan Good

[makeorbreakgirlz]

1:13 I didn't know that was really in the newspaper. What section? That would be fun to read lol

[newzlandG53]

hahaha 2:07

[mssinger2005]

at 0:53 is that really little kids with a woman dancing on a stripper's pole?

[blondielovestwilight]

yes,yes it is :O

[sickharvest]

Why add the shitty song? What was wrong with the headlines as they appeared on the Tonight show? Fucking idiots always quick to show they know how to mix video and sound. Must be proud.

[Burritoast]

pretty stupid adding the music

amateur hour over here or what...

windows movie maker is for posers btw

[UCONNgirl]

amateur hour still made me laugh. Just do sound off. It's like any other slide show.

[grad22006]

1:35 We haven't progressed for a millenium?

[superravencubs13]

I'm confused, what's funny about "speedy-zieper"? . . .

oh, now i get it.

[snicket3]

lol gross and tingley

[NessieCullen100906]

what song is this because it reminds me of a fall out boy please tell me

[fwonkguy13]

it's Paralyzer by Finger 11

[Humdinger7]

report that a kitten was acting suspicious...

[UofLCardFan08]

1:44 Very subtle

[FantasyDessi]

0:23 xD

[zjg5001]

Please make the music louder.

[haeminrapp]

LOL!! I love the sarcasm!

[cfones9]

@zjg5001 this one goes to 11

[SupermanLugo]

I can't figure out the burger king ad?

[MizNelson]

"Management" is misspelled.

[wladamac]

lolollloolollolloloololol, a kitten was acting suspicious, a tabby cat terrorizes Pullman, and a 280-year-old

[killedkenny07]

I dont get whats wrong with 1:08

[MrPengiSan]

The name of the person who won the money is the same as the person who drew the lottery number

[indigofaerie77]

The person who won is the person who did the drawing - perhaps it was a little corrupt?

[cnycarnut]

ok i must be a retard but what is the punchline in the burger king ad????

[JaZzA136]

"says the 280-year-old" xDDD

[robert99a]

why do people always add crap music to their videos

[chrophe]

Come on. It is not funny with music. Where´s Jay Leno? Are you the guy writing the ads?

[TRIXSTER03]

Why do people always leave pointless comments on videos ;)

[moocwo2]

agreed

[skankuser]

You got me. Surprised he didn't Fort Minor or some stupid nigger shit to it.

[cc6184]

i could have sworn that the song is Paralyzer by Finger Eleven and not Metallica. but i guess i could be wrong.

[beemannick]

Finger Eleven.

[melseco]

My favorite parts of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno were his monologues and his Monday Night Headlines. Now, I have heard he will continue with his monologues when he begins his new show; but I am wondering; does the Tonight Show have the right to Monday Night Headlines? If they have the patent to it; he will not be able to take HEADLINES with him to the new show and Conan will take over with HEADLINES. If they're still Monday Night Headlines; EVERYONE will be watching Conan on Monday.4 sure!

[davo623]

jay is getting a new show?

[QuoneShow]

headlines was actually a jay leno thing. not a tonight show thing.

and he will be continuing them during his new show. along with jaywalking

[HeyYou711]

YAY!!! Headlines and Jaywalking were my favorite part! but what was it called when he would bring dumb ppl into the studio and ask then questions against each other?! :D

[Mackay878]

That was called "Battle of the Jaywalk Allstars", because they took the dumbest people from Jaywalking and pitted them against each other to see which was the least stupid.

[HeyYou711]

Thank you so much! That was goign to be stuck in my head for ages! :D

[gffysdg]

I love the tonight show.

[rdizzot24]

mexican cousin!!

[spiffeystar]

These are hilarious! I wish I could hear Jay's commentary on all of them. That makes it ten times better.

[thirtysilver]

I love Metallica and I love Headlines, but I don't see how one improves the other in this case . . . no pun intended.

[thirtysilver]

I love Headlines, and I love Metallica, but I don't see how one improves the other.

[g8crapachino]

Nice, but the Metallica soundtrack is mismatched and doesn't fit in with the funny content of the video.

[VelvetKevorkian]

It's so mismatched that it's not even Metallica.

[bf2lover42]

it was removed, ok? normally when you see that wind up content banner, its probably audio swap

[alisonnicole84]

I can't hear this song without remembering screaming at the tv during guitar hero...

[WhoseLineFanXD]

Gross & Tingley lol

[splatwacker]

LOL @1:22 Pullman is a college town of WSU, their mascot... Cougars

[dcinstinct]

Wow, I like how you balanced the funny headlines with some weird, Emo metal rock.. :) interesting combination.. check this "My slowly tortured lamented soul of burdened sorrow *DUN DUN DUN Various Stupid Triple Picking* and everywhere I look my life is over.. sadness is my closest friend of tears for tomorrow!!!".. pretty funny, but not unlike the video's song :D

[shadowwhip]

Thats metallica you idiot. It isnt emo, its metal. If only there were as god as they were back then, though One isnt one of there best works, it still a great song. Not as good as Disposable Heroes in my opinion though.

[indigofaerie77]

LOL. It's not Metallica. Way to recognize James Hetfield's voice.... or not. That's Finger Eleven, btw.

[vermonofdeceit]

post 1989 metallica is just gay as whatever band is playing now

[guitaruler]

metallica is NOT gay oh and btw Finger eleven is also a good game so go here you all so boring pop and techno!

[vermonofdeceit]

yeah they are metallica sold out so fuckin bad,thats why no one in the metal community gives em respect anymore

[AARONdub5]

It says the ticket numbers were drawn by Linda Larade

[BMason3604]

1:09 took me two looks to understand the joke too... Usually they would highlight the fine print or something...

[kevin080592]

"anxiety an issue to worry about!"....

really? well then....you are only paranoid....just relax and live life a little serious! lol!

[bgroll]

I don't get 2:08 either...$28000 to $34000 sounds like a legitimate salary. Oh well. I'm complaining too much now, I'll just shut up lol

[AScoppa]

it says 'ready for mananagement?'. like Bananagment.

[winobint]

I get it now! I didn't see that either at first:)

[bgroll]

maybe I'm not seeing something, but I dont get the one at :21

[UnrivaledShogun]

@bgroll

did you even read the title of the article at 0:21? They want help to torture survivors. Do you not know what "torture" means?

[bgroll]

Oh I get it now. I read "torture" as an adjective instead of a verb, as in "survivors of torture". I guess it depends on how you read it.

[UnrivaledShogun]

@bgroll

well, your mistake was understandable. Anyway, if "torture" was being used as an adjective, it would have been in the past tense, "tortured".

[bendavis575]

no. it should be written torture-survivors

[UnrivaledShogun]

@bendavis

I'm pretty sure you never use "torture-survivors" with that dash in between like that. If youre trying to say "survivors who were also tortured", I believe it would be "tortured survivors". If youre trying to say "survivors of turture", I believe it would be "torture survivors".

[DrouTOP]

:46...ummmm...yes.

[ilikeudaniel]

i dont get 2:09...

im slow and i didnt see any typos or anything funny

someoneplease explain D:

[BoboVicus]

It's called a pause button...

[FutureMrsNickJonas83]

"women make nutritious horse treats" lol!!

[joeglimmix]

this would make a cool tonight show theme song

[DominantdanyRS]

2:05 makes me wanna become assistant manager for burger king when i turn 16

[ilikeudaniel]

OOOO nvm i get the 2:10 thing now:D

[watermelongumdrop]

wait huh?

[DominantdanyRS]

it says assistant managers get 28,000-34,000 per hour

[SecularTechnology]

@DominantdanyRS

No it does not. 2:08 was implying yearly salary. That shouldn't even qualify as a headline.

[flip080210]

@SecularTechnology It was the title that was for mananagement instead of management

[Kreigshundun2]

I didn't get 1:10.

[DominantdanyRS]

She 'drew' her name.

[Kreigshundun2]

Oh, I get it now! I didn't see the "*Drawn by" thing.

[sjorge0714]

I hadn't noticed either

[ultraprime2]

THE TONIGHT SHOW WILL LAST FOREVER!

[MetallicalchemyX]

Haha, wtf is one doing on a funny video

METALLICA AND LENO FOREVER

[amamdouh11]

last pic ,make you go mmmm

[stebbifreakout]

Metallica is the best band ever.

[cleojoelly101]

omg i love this song its from guitar hero 3

[benzcool000000]

song was from metallica way before guitar hero 3

[BreatheMe10]

What is the music? Very lovely.

Funny headlines, btw! You got a ton of the great ones.

[metaldave08096]

Metallica-one

[troy2000me]

Metallica

[troy2000me]

Metallica

[Kreigshundun2]

Metal licka

[xxEVH5150EVHxx]

I remember the "fine bousum" wedding one...

[llamalord2404]

lmao i love the headlines at 1:14 and 1:45! im like cracking up!!!!

[lakerblack35]

also 2:21

[csrocker101]

Whatever happened to the actual real jay leno headline clips??

[Cheetahlvr]

Great video! It's hilarious!

[garrisonskunk]

You know, I really liked this segment --- When it was called "David Letterman's Small Town News"....;)

[theBestOne22]

good job. i was laughing infront of the computer, my mom was worried about me.

[gorox89]

haha great song choice!

[MelBeakleyPrductions]

great video but the music kind of took away from it a bit i think, a little depressing, but still funny.

[jim6700]

if he had lenos voice with the headlines youtube would have deleted it like all the others.

[stevenr99999]

for real putt it with the show

[GstateBALLER925]

why did you have to do it with music? show the actual headlines from his show.

[NeonPizzaProductions]

LOL you just made my day :D

[tHisismAtT969]

0:21 omg that is so freakin funny!!!!!!!!!!!!

[saraxisxillogical]

1:08 what's wrong with it?

[metaldave08096]

she drew her own name

[brodo20]

nice video

[pinkfreak5396]

whoo! good job! that was great

[coolfrog101]

nice CAT BIB

[DiscoMuffin23]

lol

[DiscoMuffin23]

Comment pplz! Please! lol no pressure