Congress Forgets How To Pass A Law

[dave1sfx]

The opposite of Congress is Progress

[ZakTheRipper18]

I know somebody hits a gavel...

[CountArtha]

Somebody show them Schoolhouse Rock.

[Kvergjelme]

Haha. Clever humor :)

[suspendedfromthemoon]

Like SOPA

[jalivas]

I'm glad they brought back all the old congressmen from the good onion videos, even though they took away the funny newscasters.

[RyuikHan]

The opposite of con-gress is pro-gress :D

[NickyAmerica]

Since when did The Onion reported real news?

[NfinchIe]

New drug makes heart attacks 60% more enjoyable?

[aturtlenamedfee]

Weird, Onion news usually has fake stories. Guess they are going for the truth now.

[RedSkiesMusic]

"Bhutan eager to begin dialogue with any country at all." HAHAHA

[TehSkullKid]

"Mr. Cummings"

[SeppLainer]

I wish they really would forget to forget, we'd all be better off without a lot of these laws...

[willjack2106]

three things to say

L O L

[thelegendxp]

Instructions on how to pass a law censored by SOPA

[DrOrtmeyer]

this is so good... is it all fake i actually believed that zuckerburg was a CIA NOC

[jasa159]

The sad thing is this probaly what will happen

[xTehResx]

2:30 "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"

lol'd

[XWarthongX]

Its a series of tubes!

[d0ugz24]

This wouldn't surprise me if it happened in real life.

[mreasy117]

at bottom: "new drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable." sounds good to me.

[Grasslander]

Love the extra headlines in these news reports:

"BREAKING: U.S. Postal Service shut down six weeks ago."

"Marijuana use down among those using crystal meth."

"Peruvian scientists: Endangered bird acting like a big shot."

"Bhutan eager to begin dialog with any country at all."

[stiffmeisterful1]

vote for newt gingrich!

[jezzyjack1]

Passing a law is easy for them. But reading them seems to b an issue.

[LolzICanFly]

I wouldn't be surprised if the intelligence of Congress came to this level.

[krogaan]

this is way better then the real news

[Herv3]

Congress probably saw this, got pissed off and said, "Oh, you want some bills internet? Here, have some SOPA, PIPA and ACTA. How's that taste?"

[JLHtheIII]

If only.

[R3dp055um]

"And remember, Jane, eyeliner can work wonders"

The look on her face right after that was priceless, like "you fucking bitch".

[democratsaresmart]

CONGRESS  PASS THE "MORMON" BILL , WHICH PROHIBITS MEN TO HAVE MORE THEN ONE WIFE AND MAKES PORN INDUSTRY ILLEGAL. WTF? WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR KIDS? WHY PORN INDUSTRY BUMMING & THEN WE ASK OURSELVES WHY OUR KIDS DONT DO GOOD IN SCHOOL? PEOPLE ARE YOU DRINKING 10 CUPS OF COFFEE A DAY AND U LET PORN INDUSTRY TO EXPAND?

WHATS WRONG WITH TODAYS SOCIETY? MEN IN AMERICA CAN HAVE MANY WIVES WTF? HOW CAN A MORMON AKA MUSLIM BE US PRESIDENT? WHAT ARE WE TEACHING OUR KIDS? CONGRESS PASS "MORMON " BILL!

[rickygervais1776]

@democratsaresmart YES THE COFFEE IS TOO MUCH DRINKING THE MORMONS WTF AND THEN PORN COFFEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH CONGRESS ARE MUSLIMS. I TOTALLY AGREE.

[sagbag]

@democratsaresmart BECAUSE COFFEE HAS TOO MUCH MORMON MUSLIM COFFEE COFFEE KIDS TODAY WE GOT TO HAVE AMERICA PORN INDUSTRY WIFE GET GOING COME ON AMERICA! 

[democratsaresmart]

@sagbag WEED WILL BECOME ILLEGAL, PORN WILL BECOME ILLEGAL , EACH HOUSE MUST HAVE A COMPUTER, I RUN THE SHOW U FOLLOW!

ROMNEY IS CHRISTIAN MUSLIM , US PRESIDENT CANT HAVE RELIGION THAT ALLOWS MANY WIVES! WHATS THE SCORE ON BASEBALL?

[DoubleAssClown]

@democratsaresmart weed is illegal

[moorg745]

@democratsaresmart lol you fail as a troll

[Bert2DX]

This is the real reason SOPA wasn't passed.

[Warrior7662]

Series of tubes!

[Trashcansam123]

This sitaution is entirely plausible nowadays. It's what I like about Onion's humor.

[MrBrilliantChaos]

Just in time for sopa.

[cyanmanta]

Snowing? In Iowa? In the dead of winter? Yeah, right. Next, you'll be telling me it was 68 degrees and sunny in San Diego...

[VibrantCore]

I am baffled by how many actors the Onion has. I love The Onion so much, it's too funny

[ConstantinIV]

@VibrantCore

Actors?

Actors?

You may be confused with FOX News.

These are real politicians!

[axisofinfinity]

@VibrantCore and they're all really good

[orrgla]

THIS IS RIDICULOUS THATS THE WASHINGTON INSIDER WORLD FOR YOU!! THIS IS WHY WE NEED GINGRICH 2012 TO KEEP THESE FOOLS IN LINE!!

[whiteyonwelfare]

Breaking: U.S. Postal service shut down six weeks ago. =D

[kadmany]

Shit,at first I thought this was serious,but then hahah :D !

[benchoko2]

lets hope they forget when SOPA gives them this idiot bill they're giving them

[cameronp44]

LMAO 2:24 "New drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable"

[danny6290]

"Biden admits he expected to be president by now." LMAO

[vjm3]

Oh please Congress has been successfully passing laws for ages now.

...They're all the worst mis-represented most invasive laws but they're passed none the less.

[MercedesCars454]

Hey guys, I forgot how to rate this 5 stars, can anyone help?

[pumkinkiss]

"An remember jane, eyeliner can work wonders."

[abdurrahmanR]

sounds legit ahahha

[piecharthosen]

i like how teh onion has good funding for these vids

[RWillDay]

Apparently 44 congressman have watched this video.

[TheNateAmazing]

I *wish* Congress forgot how to pass a law. We'd be a lot better off.

[senssuck24163]

@TheNateAmazing idiot

[420gma]

Everyone should E-Mail this to their congressman ! The Onion nailed this one ! lol

[swimmerz17]

@mnbfavor my english teacher showed us that joke

[baranwolffhausen]

Mozart Symphony #40 in G Minor, K 550 - 1. Molto Allegro

[Christfollower29]

This one was pretty good.

[flyersphan111]

This is absolutely hilarious. I was losing it the entire time. I seriously think there is urine in my pants.

[TheFrostyJackson]

This is the only real The Onion video that's actually real news.

[Duquelicious360]

lol thought this was real til i saw the onion

[Takiado]

HAHA

[GustavoMsTrashCan]

Meanwhile, at SOPA...

[MegaBootyFucker]

@RagnoZ92 wow are you retarded or you haven't watched the movie The Onion?

[thehyphenator]

This is clearly false, congress doesn't know how to use the internet.

[TheMors666]

@thehyphenator Something tells me that's not quite true; congress is clearly adept at clearing their browser cache. ;)

[GrievanDark]

@thehyphenator LMAO!!!

[turtleownage]

@thehyphenator They just know how to shut it down.

[ghostflyable23]

@thehyphenator that tells you why they wanted to pass SOPA and PIPA. and once again, they still didn't know how xD

[littlemousekt]

50 K should be 50 million and 50K should be real price but the rest of the money congress keeps and splits it up

[Wutwut1n1]

Somebody just came a lot on the camera in Iowa

[Regginyaga]

anarchy

[IWantAGreatName]

I am the Law!

[thunderstone4760]

Actually, I wish they would forget how to pass laws *cough SOPA cough*

[Kiddievet]

Look when they are discussing Mr.Cummings XD

[Mephisbasseles]

Nice.

[DevojkaLosa]

Hahahahaha, this is awesome!

[MrGreenpo1son]

mr.cummings...

[Pyram1dH3ad]

2:30 lmao

[Thorpe741]

Alot of snow in Iowa.



[confusedkid6]

LMFAO! THIS IS HILARIOUS! WHere on earth did they find all this wonderful old guy actors

[3GBlog]

Should have watched school house rock....

[TheYouwontgetit]

just sign it and send it somewhere...

[LANDSHARK7130]

Ladies and gentlemen I give you your elected representatives.

[isveryniceyes]

These actors for the Congressmen are amazing!

[Shinray1kuo]

"Biden admits he expected to be president by now"

[eastariel]

Vote YES for our government's top priority to be: GAY MARRIAGE! Imagine Congress arguing that! They'd never solve it, and they'd never stop trying. They'd fight, yell, pound their chests. There'd be media and gay parades.

Religions would swarm the whitehouse with picket signs, finally moved to action by their dearest cause -- protesting gay marriage.

MARDI GRAS!

That would keep both church and state busy and out of our way so us Americans could finally make some progress cleaning up their mess.

[dammitcrap]

@eastariel i would argue and contest your every point, but i peeped your profile beforehand and you seem to be a goodwilled person trying to do what is right in your eyes, and likewise, is not just trying to be a noisy, malevolent attention-whore asshole like so many other people who claim your views. so i will, therefore, refrain :)

[eastariel]

@dammitcrap

Candidates seem to use the issue of gay marriage to get attention. So I thought I'd use that issue to bring attention to my issues!

I'm recruiting attention for world peace, fixing the economy, housing the homeless in America, ending world hunger, love thy neighbor -- petty stuff like that. Not as flashy as gay marriage, but oh well.

It seems like gay sex is what everyone wants the candidates to talk about, but honestly, I think we have some more important issues to worry about. ;)

[eastariel]

@dammitcrap

I'm looking forward to the day when Congress has nothing to hide but their Weiners.

[finka123456]

@eastariel i look foward to the lynching

[dafullclip]

Jane is gonna kill that bitch Brooke one day!

[123rbert]

Since when did The Onion started make real news?

[IAmTheWalrusGuy]

@123rbert They always have

[Imhornydadcomeinside]

@123rbert The onion has always been a legit newschannel, I don't know what you're talking about.

[973JJJ]

"Don´t ask us" xD

[ThePhilliprowe]

ha, Mr. Cummings

[heAdXsHotzz]

@ThePhilliprowe my principal's name is Mr. Cummings

[shadowsndust284]

Ah, they seem like sweet old guys. I'm glad we voted for them.

[dharmaatdawn]

oh thats the reason why congress has been so useless.

[trugangsta4real]

Skip the bullshit-----1:20

LOL DANGIT!

[Supermannoob]

New type of drug makes heart attacks 60% more enjoyable.

[tnguyen318]

There are three types of records system State, Federal and International. Everybody in the world has identification.

[tnguyen318]

Local garage sale advertisements are posted on a weekly advertisement booklet. Business advertisement are on the weekly Business Advertisement booklet.  Yellow Page does not list peoples names and telephones without their consent.

[tnguyen318]

Everybody wants to live under my system. Jobs are Government. Immigrants entering the country are given identification cards and background checks. They are screened for diseases. Those without families and relatives are given jobs. They fill out applications for rent and health care.

[DarkPanthera]

"Phil Collins releases 'Worst of Phil Collins' double album"

Gotta love the moving text in the Onion

[lifesnova]

Like how it said "Islander" down the bottom but the girl said "Eye-liner"

[bungieforever]

this is actually pretty accurate lol

[MrBoy219]

THIS IS A DO NOTHING CONGRESS

[michalchik]

How does the onion make money? They seem to have pretty high production values.

[nutherefurlong]

eyeliner... :)

[eastariel]

Change frightens some people. They feel as if they're no longer standing on solid ground, so they embrace their religious doctrines like a man hugging a tree in a hurricane.

Their comfortable old doctrines give them security in these storms of change. When America changes too fast, an atmosphere of fear sabotages attempts at constructive partnership between liberals and conservatives and blocks attempts at peace between different religions.

Love has the power to cast out all fear.

[yankeesh8r1]

"Biden admits he expected to be President by now"...me too, Joe, me too.

[Choikesta]

Lol that was great

[octupus6]

I DEMAND ALL THE FOOTAGE FROM THE "REMEMBERING HOW TO PASS A BILL" SESSION!!!!

[jaykerouac2]

Dr. Seuss, anyone?

I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like the health care scam.

I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like their smug replies, when I complain about their lies.

I do not like this 'Yes We Can,' I do not like this Inept Man.

I do not like this kind of hope, I do not like this dangerous dope.

I do not like this spending spree. I surely know that nothing's free.

[aegisofrime]

"Endangered bird acting like a big shot" xD

[epit0me]

lmao 2:30 "Biden admits he expected to be president by now"

[mnbfavor]

If Pro Is Opposite Of Con, Then What Is The Opposite Of Progress??

[Roflcopter4b]

@mnbfavor Degress.

[ganixaba]

@mnbfavor

Regression

[shapaza]

@mnbfavor

Regress

/anti joke chicken

[Grimsquirrel]

@mnbfavor Degress

[robair9911]

@mnbfavor stagnation

[mnbfavor]

@mnbfavor wtf im gettin all these different answers ever since i posted this and no one got the joke THE ANSWER IS CONGRESS PPL

[NoogahOogah]

@mnbfavor Congress comes from the Middle English word "congresse" meaning "body of attendants", which in turn comes from the Latin word "congressus" which is "meeting".

[sunyouth88]

@NoogahOogah Cool Story Bro

[shorerydr10]

@mnbfavor stalemate

[busybody579]

@mnbfavor regress?

[deathbatgirlxxx]

@mnbfavor conservation. In a debate, the "pro" side supports change and "con" supports keeping a policy the same

[VolcomMaster3333]

@mnbfavor i just saw a bunch of answers people gave to that and i just hope that they r joking.... smfh

[mnbfavor]

@VolcomMaster3333 lol im still getting inbox replies and ppl still dnt get the joke i just hope they are not as dumb and clueless like most congress members

[AlextheTitan]

@mnbfavor Regress? :P

[xXGHOSTHREATxX]

@mnbfavor IP or in progress.

[Theespada13]

@mnbfavor CON-FUCKING-GRESS, GUYS!

[mnbfavor]

@Theespada13 Finally someone not as dumb as congress lol u and only a handful of ppl got it right

[ThemVaiders]

lol " Marijuana use down among those who use crystal meth"

 at 1:58 hahaha

[halodorklive]

2:25

New drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable.

[tnguyen318]

By Law The Flying Car must be equipped with Two Parachutes. One for Emergency the other in case the Emergency one Fails. By Law The Flying Car must not Fly Below 200FT or Above 5,000 FT. By Law the Flying Car must not Start to Land any Lower than 25FT or Higher than 100 FT. Flying Cars must not Fly Near eachother by 7 FT. By Law Flying Cars must be checked every 5 years. Parachutes will be checked also.

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

This is so funny it's almost true

[MaricaAmbrosius]

Onion newscasts = good

But the subtitles on this one are not only in the way, but they are inaccurate.

PS. I'll admit that the inaccuracies are probably on purpose.

[NickoliLion]

Has anyone noticed that nearly every onion video has a top comment mentioning Fox News?

[lavalampheaven]

On the ticker: "a new drug to make heart attacks 60% more enjoyable" xD

[larrydowden]

Lol, too funny and too true. Toss the whole lot of them out.

[reuben2011]

"Glue it into a book where all the other laws are." XD Now if they can remember the nation's official brand of glue for gluing laws into books...

[airsoft10125]

Haha it's actually funny because its true

[igothemdiabetiesinme]

you guys realize that no one is this stupid and they're just trolling you hard

[bkaweclipse]

I hope people who don't realize this is fake feel stupid when they post some angry comment about this and then find out that it's fake and that they have no sense of humor.

[oparunz]

CUMMING what a name

[AceOfHeart2012]

No. Laws are the problem. That and identifying yourself. It's deep.

[sterlingyen]

hAHAHHAHAHAHA. IF I DIDNT KEEP ON WATCHING IT I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN THAT AS MYEXAMPLE IN MY EXAM LOL

[MrWafflebeater]

@sicilied holy shit... what does that mean

[persian0girl]

omg this is hilarious hahahaa

[jctennis123]

Remember Jane, eyeliner can work wonders 2:43 hahahahahahah!

[normalpsychology]

I can't believe our goverment works like this. Is this real? This makes me worry about our government.

[jode94]

@normalpsychology scary but true...I'm praying they learn how to pass laws again soon...