Sabotaging Health and Weight Loss (overeating to feel safe)

[danhantheman]

you get over it, i used to be obese. fix your diet via a whole foods, lower-carb, no processed/refined foods (including pasta, breads, cereals, etc). initially you feel empty wanting to do the same routine you used to be, i even felt that i liked to be a chubby guy. totally untrue, you just need to get used to the change in your life.

[thrivesurvive]

@danhantheman Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment. You are right about that. I am feeling much better in my skin now, and living in a healthy body had become normal and comfortable for me. Thanks for watching :)

[daizzdy]

Whenever we make a change there is a sense of loss. Whether it is a physical change or an emotional change, it upsets our sense of security. It's difficult to let go of a way of thinking. It's like bringing in a stranger to take the place of an old familiar friend. The first step which I think you've achieved is recognizing it when it happens. You said, "I'm not ready." A "stranger", a new way was approaching and you panicked. Pick apart the reasons and inch your way forward. Good luck!

[thrivesurvive]

@daizzdy Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for watching. :)

[Nikiesue8]

I just found your videos and I have watched all up to this point and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty. Up to this point in watching your videos I have realized that I have similar struggles that I've dealt with and I applaud you for sharing such personal details of your trials, not easy. No matter the volume of abuse one experiences shouldn't make you feel like you should be struggling less than anyone else. It was still a violation no matter the degree and it hurts.

[thrivesurvive]

@Nikiesue8 Thank you very much for your thoughtful, caring words. I appreciate you taking the time to watch my videos. I wish you happiness, health and vitality in your adventure to overcome your own struggles.

[RITRTR]

Thank you soooo much for sharing this story. Please don't apologize for your reality, any of it.  Overweight people have it hard in their way and you and people like you have it hard in your way. One isn't worse than the other. Pain is pain. I hear yours. Thank you for your courage. Openess and honosty is the only way for the human race to heal and reconnect with each other, one person at a time, one story at a time. Thank you so very much...

[thrivesurvive]

@RITRTR Thank you very much for your compassion and sensitivity. Thank you for watching and for being supportive. I really appreciate it!

[jellydrop]

I have the exact same problem you do. I lost tons of weight and suddenly, men started looking at me. It made me so uncomfortable and so I started bingeing again. It made me feel safe. Now, I'm slowly gaining back the weight. I feel bad about it, but like you said, deep down, I probably wanna be fat.

[thrivesurvive]

@jellydrop I'm sorry you are having the same problem. It really sucks, doesn't it? My strategy was to stop thinking about how I look and to focus only on being healthy, whatever that might look like for my body. It takes time to shift your focus, and often requires separating oneself from shallow people who are fixated on appearances. I think people are more likely to try to pray upon people with low self-esteem than people who are happy with themselves and enjoying life.

[jellydrop]

@thrivesurvive Right, that's what I plan on doing. I've slowly started adding more fresh fruits and veggies in my diet and I'm gonna go on juice feast in August. This time, I'm also going to focus on the emotional attachment I have to food, and will work on the uncomfortable feelings I get when I stop medicating myself with sugar and fat.

[thrivesurvive]

@jellydrop That sounds like a great plan! I wish you health and vitality! ((hugs))

[jellydrop]

@thrivesurvive Right, that's what I plan on doing. I've slowly started adding more fresh fruits and veggies in my diet and I'm gonna go on juice feast in August. This time, I'm also going to focus on the emotional attachment I have to food, and will work on the uncomfortable feelings I get when I stop medicating myself with sugar and fat.

[101jesus]

you are nice person:) wanna go out?

[peanutandcocobutter]

thank you, I pray that when you reach your weight loss goal that it leads you to more peace and happiness. Also, if you run into any information/materials that you think might be useful to me please vblog/contact me.

[thrivesurvive]

Thank you. My goal is actually not to lose weight. I was and am at my ideal weight. My goal is really to improve my health and quality of life. I have found that by eating more fruits and greens (green smoothies are great for this), I feel better. I also feel better when I do yoga, and take walks, but I have not done yoga in a long time. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I hope you and your family are happy and healthy.

[peanutandcocobutter]

I can definitely relate. Losing weight scares me because being overweight and muscular helps me feel as though I can protect myself and my daughter. However, I am not healthy and do feel unattractive. I am satisfied/happy because it give me a sense that I have a fighting chance. I am on a journey to shake the feeling off. (karate lessons is not in the budget)

[thrivesurvive]

It takes time but I am finally getting to the point where I feel safe enough to let my body be healthy (and attractive). Be kind and loving to yourself. ((hugs))

[peanutandcocobutter]

Thank you for your kind words. Is there anything that your doing/reading/etc. to help you with your journey? Also, what do you do to maintain your sanity about mean spirited people? I internalize it and feel as though I coming off as a weak; and that I am not doing enough to stop abuse/bullying.

[thrivesurvive]

Lately, what I have been doing is primarily focusing on my work, which I love. When people bully me, I go through all the emotions, but as I encounter more of these people, I have started going through the emotions more quickly and with far less effect on my well-being. I am almost to the point where I skip ahead to simply learning from the criticism or ignoring it and feeling sorry for the perpetrator. Those people try to weaken us, but I am learning to use their attacks to strengthen myself.

[NYCINKEDEXEC]

Your a beautiful woman! I am so sorry for your past pain. You have a friend in me if you need one.

[thrivesurvive]

Thank you so much!! ((hugs))

[mayaluvsmusic]

you articulated "it" so many of us can't

[lmntal01]

I'm sorry you have had to deal with similar issues. I am finally getting past mine and it feels so liberating. I still dress like a lump, but I am beginning to feel at home in my skin now. I hope you love your body too. ((hugs))

[thrivesurvive]

I just noticed that my comment to you was made on my husband's computer, and was therefor under his name. I apologize for the confusion.

[mayaluvsmusic]

jesus christ, this video really starts 3;26

[lmntal01]

Thank you very much for watching.

[josielenore]

Interesting!

[thrivesurvive]

Thanks for watching. :)

[melaniestevens]

YES! I can totally relate to that. When I was thinner, it was more stress for me because of the attention. For me it was kinda connected with my difficulty with saying no sometimes. I knew that you were going to say "the pretty one" that EXACT thing happened to me as well. I was always called beautiful. I was abused also. Man, the things people do to each other that destroys us. I'm 47 and I still struggle. I'm subscribing to your channel. Thanks for your transparency.

[thrivesurvive]

Melanie,

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. ((hugs)) I think of this line in a song Cindi Lauper song called "Little Boy Blue". She said "He may have stolen your innocence, but not your soul". And it's true. I felt destroyed for a long time, and it still hurts, but they didn't take away who I am, it just made me stronger...You too. ((hugs)) Happy new year.

[little120wing]

I found myself finishing some of your sentences about self-sabotage and having trivial problems in comparison to others.

It's great you could figure this out about yourself and I wish I could give advice on this but I have the same seemingly never-ending problem.

By the way that's awesome that you are a fashion designer (explains the mannequin in the background) I want to get into fashion too hopefully once my eating problem/life is better..which is ironic considering the fashion industry..

[thrivesurvive]

littlewing,

I am sorry you are going through this as well. I am doing so much better now that I no longer eat any trigger foods (in my case cooked vegan foods). I am 100% raw now. I still sabotage myself in other areas of life, but I am working through that too, and it gets better every day. It's hard to find a balance, but it's defiantly doable. It just requires constant attention and adjustments. I wish you health, vitality, happiness and peace.

Warmly,

Alexis

[uzatwo]

You are not alone (and I mean that on a number of levels) . . . .

[thrivesurvive]

uza, ((hugs))

[METALSTYGIAN]

i am considering doing the 21 day detox

any opinions on that particular system

[thrivesurvive]

metal, I am not sure which plan that is, but i wish you success and health in your detox.

[RainbowAdvaya]

I just found this video tonight, but I appreciate you taking the time to make it. It was very brave of you to do this. This is a woman's issue, and something we need to hear all sides of. Women, food, appearance, sex and misuse of sex and power are such important matters. It is only by baring our soul that they are noticed.

[thrivesurvive]

rainbow,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. We have come a long way in the last 100 years, but women are still tremendously oppressed. So are children. I'm not what one might call a "feminist" or anything, but it's really obvious that there is a huge amount of imbalance between people based on sex, age, race, religion, and so on. I believe we all experience it on some level, no matter who we are. Women and kids face a unique set of challenges though.

[simsue23]

I know exactly what u mean, u were afraid of coming out of your comfort zone so u overate. Some women want to get thin put keep being fat because maybe they were sexually molested or abused so they make themselves unattractive so as to not make it happen again. Also people are afraid to change because personal transition is painful. I read a report on google on this couple months ago.

[thrivesurvive]

I was molested so you are dead on right there. I no longer pad myself with fat..or overeat..but I don't try to look nice like most women do. I'm still afraid to be "attractive"

[simsue23]

I know. The same thing happen to me, my worst fear was/is of being raped, so that fear has always made me fantasize about getting thinner and being attractive but I never really worked for it because I just don't want to be noticed for that sorta thing to happen. I remember losing 10lbs and pack it back on due to the level of sexual harassment I received on the road fr men I dont know actually touching my hands and coming up to me telling me what they would like to do to me. I relate to you 100%

[thrivesurvive]

That's terrible. I think most women can relate. Even though rape is not a sexual act and it doesn't matter what the victim looks like, we tend to fear "asking for it", because early on, when we are little girls, we notice how grown men look at us and it's scary.

[simsue23]

OMG That is so true. I think a lot of women subconsciously experiences the same thing but really don't say anything or probably don't realize that this is what it is until they hear it fr someone else or read it somewhere (like in my case).

[EmmyFay]

i think every woman alive feels like this at some point and probably for a large part of their life. even when we DO get to our goal weight; it often gets lower OR we REALLy struggle to maintain it. Thank you so much. I can totally relate. your words have given the the courage i need to try again.

[thrivesurvive]

EmmyFay, Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for watching. I hope things go well for you this time. :)

[niamhc]

You've raised a really important issue for me with this video. I never thought about it before, but I do self-sabotage my own efforts. Being unhealthy or overweight is second-rate to me, and therefore safe for me, because t's that subconscious (or even conscious) belief that I don't deserve to accept myself. Which is, of course, not true. Contentment is something alien to me, and therefore frightening. I work every day to conquer this in myself.

Thank you for sharing! :)

[thrivesurvive]

I can definitely relate. I have been working on this issue quite a bit & am making great progress in self acceptance & self appreciation. I am so glad you are too. One small way I try to do this is by choosing to eat better food than before. Before, I always ate the older food first, and by the time I got to the new food, it was old too. I also felt sorry for the bruised fruit when I shopped, so rather than by the best, I bought the damaged fruit. I was saying I wasn't good enough for fresh food

[thrivesurvive]

David Wolfe said to vow to eat the "best food ever", which I am working my way up to. I am still frugal, and eat food that is far from the best, but I can see the value in that pledge because it forces us to honor ourselves and think twice about canned and boxed food (much less fast "food", and most restaurant stuff), and reminds me to take care in selecting and preparing my own food as if I am someone important. Presentation is part of that. Baby steps. :)

[WIGNSWORD]

It is one of my goals (dreams?) to attend the Raw Spirit Festival within the next three years. I'm sorry about the comment I made on fasting: lovingraw is such a beautiful soul (anyone can tell) and I NEVER seriously thought he was lying!!! When reading my comment I thought, "goodness me, I hope no one takes this seriously..." The exasperated comment on fasting came from juggling old and new food emotions while desperately lost in the POTATOJUNGLE. I am happily, by GOD'S GRACE, outta there!!

[WIGNSWORD]

I have felt my whole life 'fat' and 'unattractive' but never let it disturb me seriously until I discovered I could do something about it, until I read 'NATURE'S FIRST LAW: THE RAW FOOD DIET' by Arlin, Dini, Wolfe. WOW! THERE *IS* A TRUE DIET AND PHYSIQUE FOR HUMANITY!... You are lucky that your food emotions didn't drag you into saladtrap from which I emerged overweight AGAIN. After 2.5 years of half-cooked misery I am returning (only by God's Grace) to the raw vegan diet. Ugly ME thanks you!

[thrivesurvive]

Wolfe can really open eyes. I haven't read that book yet. I have read much of Sunfood Nutrition. I tried to read Amazing grace but didn't like it. He should be at the Raw Spirit Festival. Will you be attending?

[kekette83]

Sabotaging.. that's exactly what i told myself a few days ago..! i have had the same struggles as you with food (still today..) for many years now, i totally understand what you feel and what you're going trough..

you're really helping me there, i finally met somebody i can relate to, that's such a good feeling to not feel lonely anymore..!

wish you (us) luck and lots of love!

[thrivesurvive]

You are such a sweetie! I am sorry you are struggling with this too. I am actually doing so much better now. It comes in waves for me. I can go for moths without worrying about it, then suddenly something triggers it and I'm sliding down a muddy slope. I recently bought this book, which I have only read part way, but you may like it. So far it's quite good. "Self-Defeating Behaviors" Milton R. Cudney. I also recommend 100 days of weight loss and life is hard, food is easy, both by linda spangle

[AntonyHeaven]

I appreciate you taking the time to explore this issue. The sabotage aspect is something I have often wondered about myself. I suspect we all have to go around the cycle of change a number of times before we release ourselves . . . Wishing you the best :-)

[thrivesurvive]

thank you very much for your thoughtful comment and for watching :)

[agoldenhairedlion]

Thank you for posting!!!

[thrivesurvive]

thank you for watching!

[StoneColdKilla08]

i'm checking u out right now ; ]

[GypsyArdor]

Alexis, it's really important that you are sharing all of this. It's healing for you and very helpful for others. I've been speaking up more and more about it, too. We do cushion ourselves in many ways to protect us from future abuse. Realizing that we are doing this on a subconscious level is very healing. Lots of love to you, Wendi XOXO

[thrivesurvive]

Thank you so much! I agree. Talking about it is healing. Just coming out and telling the world how much i still struggle with food has helped me move forward. i am still having a hard time, but I have confidence i will get past this spell, and will ultimately overcome food addictions completely.

[rawpassion]

As an overweight person watching, I have to say, I am not judging you. It's strange because, at the moment, I am at 302lbs and being in the 290's would mean so much, but like you, I am scared. So, please know your honesty and your experiences are valued. Your pain is just as significant as anyone else's. I am so moved by your videos. Thank you for making them.

[thrivesurvive]

Thank you so much! That means a great deal to me.Many years ago i was so far down the compulsive overeating road, I attended OA. Everyone there was overweight (except me). I felt fat, but I was probably only about 130 lbs. They binged on sugar and fat and i binged on bagels and granola. I felt like i didn't belong, and although no one ever said anything, I always felt like they didn't think I deserved to be there because I wasn't overweight.

[thrivesurvive]

Thank you so much for accepting me and acknowledging that a person doesn't have to be visibly overweight to have an eating disorder or struggle with food. I wrote along message a minute ago and it disappeared. I used to attend OA meetings and I was the only member who was not visibly obese. I also binged on totally different foods(bagels and rice instead of candy and chips), so I never felt I belonged.

[Paulaswalk]

I can totally relate to this video. I've noticed men looking at me more when I go out, just since the 9lb loss, and it's an uncomfortable feeling. I am sorry you were abused (((hugs))) I was molested as a child too by an uncle and others, so I believe there is a connection here to why we hide behind or feel comfortable heavier. I've read that 3 out of every 4 women have or will be molested. Thanks for helping me to open up about my own abuse.

[thrivesurvive]

Paula,

I am so sorry you had to go through that. It's so hard to trust the world or ourselves when something so traumatic happens while we are developing our image of self worth and our role in the world. We get our wires crossed and it affects everything we do and don't do. People just don't realize how much they damage children when they cross that line. ((hugs))

[yardsnacker]

You know that's really interesting...sometimes being successful is difficult, we always think of being on top of our game as where we want to be, but when we are there, what then? Thanks for giving me something to think about.......

[thrivesurvive]

it's scry because once we reach our goals, we have to go through withdrawal and move on to the next goals, and try to maintain what we have accomplished, which may be more than we want to do every day. Sometimes pursuit of happiness is more gratifying than happiness itself. I have sabotaged myself in other areas of my life too, important areas, that are unrelated to weight or food.

[thrivesurvive]

It can be very confronting to stop pointing fingers at obstacles and reasons for failure and acknowledge our part in keeping ourselves "safe" by deliberately sabotaging ourselves. This is something I am going to make a conscious effort to address daily, because i realize now that I do it all the time, every day, in many different parts of my life.