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  • I wouldn't try to dwell of it. The world isn't bad as you think.

  • Thank you. Self-pity is the worm in your heart that eats at you, day by day. My mom self-pity herself because of what she is and how she looks to people without opioion. Each day, it becomes more irksome as i hear her when she looks into the mirrior. I don't give a damn of how i look. I don't give a rat's fucking ass of other people of how they try to fit in too. I am who I am. Nothing more. If I was going to self pity about something, it would be something i did wrong and learn for it.

  • He is right. This is why the writings of Friedrich Nietzsche are so important.

  • I like Fry, but I take his psychological advice with a grain of salt. He is someone who tried to kill himself after all. .

  • @preemptivestrike20 yes and he recovered from a major depression. i think that speaks for itself.

  • I don't understand this or self pity, what if you ARE under-appreciated or you ARE hard done by? It makes you miserable but is that self pity? I don't get it ... Fuck this I'm going to build some doom robots, I'll show them, I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!

  • this is the best advice I've EVER been given!

  • A very wise thing to say, I went through a period of self pity and I can tell you what he's saying is true, my relationship was destoryed my education was damaged and I was out of work for months so my finances suffered too. I've managed to get my life back on track in a short space of time but one thing I'll never get back and can't get back is my girlfriend of 3-4 years. It's not your fault if you have depression but if you do nothing about it and wallow in your own sadness, that is your fault

  • yeah i'm right there with you

    i od on selp pity all the time

  • Really? Sounds like an upper class member of society who simply doesn't want the lower class individuals to concentrate too much on how the upper class constantly deficates all over their lives.

  • @dsquaredproductions you really know nothing about stephen fry do you?

  • Who does Fry think he is to tell people how they should feel?

  • @AxelQC somebody thats been to hell and back. he's not telling people how to feel, he's advising people how not to feel because its all a slippery slope.

  • That relates to certain goings on in people in my family, the words I see self pity as is like a virus the more deeper you sink in it the more pity you feel and the more you yearn for other people to pity you and the more destructive it becomes.

  • I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself.

  • @qbslug Been watching gi jane have you

  • I’m not one for YouTube debates so I’ll keep it short. The English language has been evolving for 1000's of years and you want to throw it all away and start a new a language? Seems like a waste and a slap in the face to everyone who contributed to the language. And for what? So u won’t get ur feelings hurt? That’s like blowing up a house to get rid of fleas. Yes the fleas are dead but at what cost. Maybe you should start thinking.

  • Bad things happen when you think too hard. People become betrayed by their own mind and this happens just by thinking. If you stop thinking then you don't have a problem. I persoanlly blame the english language for its negative adjectives and the way english works. Why did we purphouse create a language with negative words which raise bad tohughts and negative emotions. I think we should try and evolve a new language and this would open entirely new ways of thinking rather than being a clon

  • @210482fmj

    I disagree. Both in condoning people to "stop thinking", and in your logic...

    It’s not the words that are offensive or how it is arrange on paper or the fact it’s English, but rather

    What the word implies.

    The power that makes them offensive is also the power that makes can make us peaceful .

    Some people abuse the power .

    So it is on you to pick and choose words carefully 

  • @rusk1992 But i could say your comments are showing you lack people wanting to have your own way of thinking. THere are many other langauges that could evolve over time. Like i said bad things happen when you think

  • @210482fmj What? That's like saying "schadenfreude" exists simply because there's a word for it, which completely isn't true. It's possible to experience pleasure at someone else's misfortunes without knowing that there's a specific word to describe that feeling. I don't think it has much to do with the English language and more to do with how humans are wired, or perhaps even the influence of culture.

  • @210482fmj Also your comment doesn't make much sense: evolving a new language would really require quite a lot of thought.

    And surely thinking too hard makes you that OPPOSITE of a clone (if that is what your last word is meant to read)

  • @210482fmj All languages have words and expressions for negative things, because (surprise) all humans everywhere unavoidably experience negative things.

  • There's no way I'm searching the comments to find LeftyHandedGuns

    So, I'll just hop on the badwagon...

    You tosser LeftyHandedGuns! You tosser!

  • Wise words - thank you Mr Fry

  • I love this man. He is a national treasure.

  • These are good clips, but what's with the kettle whistle noise in the background?

  • People forget how much we influence each other in life. To say to you're self if only I did this or done that, degrades one self even more. You don't find happiness in a store or having lot's of stuff either!

  • Your Pride is heard!

  • I typed this all out and pinned it up next to my mirror, along with a few favourite quotes and Veronica Shoffstall's "Come the Dawn" poem. :)

  • I think self-pity can become an addiction - better nip it in the bud whilst it's still controllable and before it causes too much damage. And be wary of its sources which can sometimes be external, i.e. others pitying you.

  • It's called human nature & whilst I greatly admire Mr Fry sometimes he really ought to pop into the real world every now & then! Yes,I'm aware he has his 'black dog' days,as Churchill refered to his depression also,but I can't help feeling that Fry can be rather patronising.Or maybe that's me just expressing my own feelings of worthlessness,lol.See,that's how it goes.

  • People who have never had true cause to pity themselves would do well not to opine on the mental anguish of others.

  • One of the most profound things I have heard on the web.

  • Whenever I notice myself getting into that state of selfpitty, I play this video and have Stephen Fry tell me it is destructive.

  • i wish i could stop self pitying, if only i was happier

  • @haz464 zing! clever.

    feel better, though

  • thanks for posting :) great clip!

  • Is he a gay?

  • @doobiesmoke15 Why does that matter? Are you in love with him?

  • youtube.com/watch?v=wYaXc_f1b5­Q&feature=channel_video_title

  • I can see the sense of Stephen's argument.

  • Self-pity is a manifestation of Pridefullness, the 'cardinal sin' that Mr. Fry mentions in the beginning. Pridefullnesss is basically thinking about yourself inordinately.

    Mr. Fry and C.S. Lewis would enjoy a conversation together.

  • FUCKING EXCELLENT!!!

  • Who was it said, "Self hate is the greatest love of all"?

  • I'll probably agree with you in a few minutes.

  • this is a massive eye opener for me, amazing video

  • I'm going through SUCH a rough period in my life right now. I need to keep reminding myself of this. Thank you for posting it!!!

  • Amen, man.

  • You're right Stephen, and I have great pity for you.

  • Shit. im 25.. nobody told me id be stuck in an a capsule of eternal misery for haphazardly experimenting with self pitying.. i dont even like myself or want to move. Should have used drugs.. well, better and more mb

  • Stephen suffers from bi-polar disorder, as many incredibly creative people do. I love him enormously, no matter where he happens to be emotionally at the time, but it is hard to see and hear anyone suffer this way.

  • Sounds good.

  • No words.

  • Self-pity, envy, hatred are emotions of children. Children are helpless, depending on their parents, and exposed to existential competition through their siblings. For them, these emotions are natural and needed. Our european societies today consist mostly of adult children who demand that the state/government take the role of their parents so they can live in eternal childhood. They call for the government for every tiny rock in their shoe. And the politicians are eager to fullfill this role.

  • @Skandalos Amen to that, if you'll pardon my French. :)

  • Great monologue. I would say that self pitty is the antithesis to what most would refer to as "good character." The same would apply to self entitlement, something which has become a common shortcoming in my generation. We can all learn something about being a better human being from Fry.

  • so true

  • What is self pitty?

  • @rycka1983 It's seeing yourself as a victim, i.e. everything wrong in your life is someone or something else's fault, and also you (supposedly) have no responsibility to make things better for yourself.

  • @flibbertergibbet Sounds like bullcrap to me, sorry. Sometimes your life can be shit, and admiting that it is shit isn't self pitty.

  • @rycka1983 Didn't say it was.

    Whether your life's good or not, the main thing is to improve it. Self-pity's when you refuse to do that: it's either somebody else's job OR you're sitting in an ivory tower waiting for luck or happiness to come and somehow magically rescue you.

    That's why Fry calls it a "vice": it's a narcissistic, self-indulgent laziness, and it's a huge problem for loads of people. "My life is shit, but I can't be bothered to do anything to improve it." Can't have it both ways.

  • @flibbertergibbet Still don't quite get idea of self-pitty and to whom it aplies, but know it is more clear. People very often refer to me as self pitty and it makes me mad. Do you know the thing about book The Secret, when if you don't achieve something fallowing methodology of Secret, than it is your own fault.

  • @rycka1983 The Secret is based on the Law if Attraction and that book gives a very idyllic and incorrect representation of that law. Self Pity and confidence cannot co-exist in one person. Arrogance is a mask used to cover self-pity so I guess genuine self-confidence is the key my friend....I hope you find that in your life

  • @rycka1983 I should also say that a lot of people who suffer from self-pity are from privileged backgrounds, have good jobs and family lives: people with every reason to be happy. Have you heard the phrase: "the self-pity of the over-privileged"?

    It's not rational, whereas admitting to yourself that life's not as good as it should be is very rational.

    Self-respect comes from hard work: feeling you've earned everything you've achieved. Self-pity is the opposite of that: it's feeling powerless.

  • I don't really like Stephen Fry at all but what he is saying here is true!

  • its difficult to define the differnce between self pity and illusions. Our society creates illusions into people minds through every day life. Its difficult to be exact about certain things in particlar youre own imagination. science is something we can be sure about but the mind is beyond science and beyond psychology.

  • I would say there are rational and not rational causes of self pity. But there are good reasons to try and over come it though it's easier to say than to do.

  • I've been depressed for a few years... i have good days sometimes..

    But when i realized that stephen fry, a man that i really respect suffers from manic depression, i was kinda happy :D I've watched the documentary that he made and when listened to this i just stopped feeling sorry for myself! Thank you Stephen!

  • Im really starting to stop believing in coincidences as I was just pondering the effects my self pity and pride I have just felt would have on myself. I guess I had Stephen Fry explain to me why I should avoid it much respect.

  • The clip just stops right there? WHERE'S THE REST??

  • Excellent fellow in most respects. But Fry really should eschew the homosexuality from now on. It's one thing to have had "a colorful past", but there's no sense in being a lifelong fanatic about it.

    "Lie back and think of England" if that's what it takes, but Fry really should take a wife and beget 3 or so kids, and dedicate himself to remaining healthy for the next 20 years so as to be around to raise them properly.

    Don't allow "unhealthy friendships" get in the way of begetting more Fry's.

  • @ProNorden Although it is a great shame that there will not be any little Frys, to be in denial and force yourself to be something your not can only be out of self-pity and we all know how dangerous that is.

  • @trailstar1 ... Nothing to do with "forcing yourself to be something you're not" ... just recommending that Fry (and maybe others) expand his repertoire ... and not be so narrow-minded .

    Productive sexual behavior can be a lot of fun if you do it right. And future generations will thank him.

  • @ProNorden "Cure yourself of depression - Go Straight!"

    Well, that's DEFINITELY a new one for the psychotherapists to chew on! Oh hang on, actually it's not... 'cause the ones that were practising this very approach ('Conversion therapy' on gay people) have since been discredited and even struck off in many cases. No-one should ever be made to feel that they've made the 'wrong' choice of sexual orientation; if it feels right to them it's nobody else's business but theirs.

  • @Maerahn ..I don't understand your "cure depression...go straight" opening.

    I would expect that Mr. Fry's only struggle re moods would be the difficulty in controlling the joy and giddinesss he must feel at every moment just knowing that he's Stephen Fry and a National treasure.

    The difficulty is that he is probably mortal... like so many of us. And if he remains so narrow-minded as to not engage in at least the procreative part of marital bliss ..well, "Europe is the less" q.v. Donne I think.

  • @Maerahn Perhaps I misunderstood your original message - the impression I got was that you were saying that 'giving up' being gay and marrying a woman and having kids would 'cure' his depression - a view I found rather distasteful, which I attempted to express with irony. Apologies if that's NOT what you meant, and if the aforementioned irony was badly conveyed.

  • @desasterz Who are "they"? these people telling us not to feel sorry for ourselves. Because from here it just sounded like Stephen Fry. I think you somehow confused Stephen Fry with the British government about halfway through the second line of your comment.

  • @desasterz you follow that he's just saying that feeling sorry for yourself or trying to make others feel sorry for you is bad right? That feeling sorry for yourself and victimizing yourself aren't the right solution, that the solution is to work at changing things rather than wallow in self pity?

  • Spot on.

  • If only I was born more intelligent I wouldn't have to listen to stephen fry to know this...

  • @ImperialAffliction That sounds like self-pity! Weren't you listening to a word he said?! :P

  • @asecooper222 I hope you're being knowingly sarcastic. Good one, if you are

  • He is  correct

  • These are important words that many  should keep bare in mind...including myself !

  • Whenever you think you life sucks,just realized that at that very moment in Cambodia,a 10 year old girl wakes up at 6 am in the morning everyday to work in the rubbish dumps so that she can feed herself andwhoever that remains of her family.If you got a roof over your head,food,can use the fucking internet and post crap on youtube like myself, you have absolutely nothing to complain about in life.on.Bonus advice for the guys.Girls hate whiners and guys who indulge in self pity.Harden the F up.

  • @arare666 Just because something is worse doesn't mean that the thing better than it is good, just as having one leg broken is not as bad as having two legs broken. Only a fool would tell you that you should be happy to only have one broken leg.

  • he deffinately is a bit of a philosopher

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  • @LeftyHandedGuns Want any lube to go with that guff?

  • @LeftyHandedGuns But most of the things taught at school.college/university are blatant lies. It's bullshit!

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  • @LeftyHandedGuns Huh? People still go to Oxbridge and other great universities. People still read, debate and learn. MORE people do than ever before. So why will this disappear? What are you basing this 'fact' on? What exactly are you seeing that makes you sadder and sadder?

    Because you're disillusioned with the people around you? If it's that, well, welcome to the world. MOST people are not a Fry, and never have been. That doesn't mean that millions don't exist and millions more aren't coming.

  • @greyztone

    You saved me from having to comment. :)

  • @SgtSanchez Glad to be of service :)

  • @greyztone errrrr Oxbridge thats a new one or are you just using it as a portmanteau for oxford and cambridge

  • @WhiskerScot569 ummmm well yes it's a portmanteau of Oxford and Cambridge, but it's not a new one. It's the standard way of referring to the two universities and has been for many years. Just checked and it has its own wikipedia page if you want to know more - though I'm sure many of the Oxbridge set frown on that as a resource! :)

  • @greyztone alrighty then i didn't know that

  • @greyztone Seconded.

  • @greyztone What did LeftyHandedGuns say? (I went back to check his comment, but he's removed it, and still has 48 thumbs up on it.)

  • @bKiwiD He said basically what is implied in my answer. That the world will never again see the kind of worldly Oxbridge types embodied in Stephen Fry, and that it makes him sadder and sadder to see them disappear.

    Utter nonsense of course but as you say he got a lot of likes. People love to moan about how much better the old days were. Nice to see my reply has been liked a fair bit too though. Yay for being sensible.

  • @greyztone Yeah, I basically assumed from your answer what he must have written, but then I was wondering if I'd missed something because of how many thumbs up he had. I totally agree with you, though-- people take that attitude about all sorts of things, from admirable people to music from different generations, and there's always that self-congratulatory tone; they seem proud of themselves for coming up with the incredibly original sentiment that the past was quality and the future is shit.

  • @greyztone

     "MOST people are not a Fry" theirs probably more then we think, he just happens to be in the public light

  • @LeftyHandedGuns there will always be someone to pick up the torch. there always has been.

  • @LeftyHandedGuns Oh fuck off you twat.

  • i understand this, but to then hear it said that the emotions i feel i can't control are wrong and bad then makes them worse. It's insight rather than advice really, isn't it.

  • @buntyh0ven It's all a choice. You choose the easy way to let your emotions rule you. Try choosing the harder way and you take control. In time it will get easier.

  • @buntyh0ven Well yes it really is insight which in reality is much better then advice, at least I think anyway. No one can really ever control their emotions. One can hold them back, subdue them even but they will find a way to surface. Its not that those emotions are wrong persay everything is good in moderation even a bit of self pity, when you can use it to motivate yourself to do better next time, but its when you begin to lul (?) in self pity it becomes problematic for you & for everybody.

  • Very very wise words. I normally cant stand this pillock but he's right. You are in control of most things in your life and it IS so easy to offload the responsibilities you owe to yourself by claiming they are 'out of your hands'. No-one is physically holding your arm behind your back. Its all in your head.

  • Oooh good God all I can hear is Reaver from Fable 2 and 3!! xD

  • Love love love this man.  Thank you for posting this! ox

  • Man, that's heavy.

  • This guy has been to the edge and turned back...

    I would take his advice alll the way.

    Too outspoken for knighthood......;-)

  • The problem here is that your articulation is noticeably superior to mine and I cant really back up my point of view as-well, this is distressing as I always like to thing the sun shines out of my arse. Basically I want to say that his in sight is often very beneficial, and this is not always down to his contrast with the vast numbers of shitehawks that exist within the media. Overlook his posh voice though, it doesn't put me off and I'm northern!

  • @caekface I would have to agree with you on the Wagner documentary, I saw it as a documentary on Fry's perception rather than Wagner himself, which isn't too bad as a lot of the target audience would never have heard of the great composer if it wasn't for Fry. I would say that his skill lies in comedy, and his intelligence in his analysis of the human condition, and peoples individual plights. He is also able to admit his own flaws.

  • @caekface What do you mean? he has always been very insightful.

  • Stephen Fry talks about himself (A FUCKING GAIN)

  • @ryko26 Got a problem with it?

  • @OZoneGrl A little bit yes. Don't get me wrong I think he's fantastic. I just wish he didn't feel the need to publically analyse HIMSELF every day in newspapers, on TV, at readings, Twitter etc. He's probably the most loved man in the country yet he still has to bang on about himself ad nauseum.

  • @ryko26 Aah, I can understand that. It eems like a lot of times, public speakers will use themselves as an example, just as a kind of "I can relate to you guys" type of way. But yeah, sometimes they tend to go overboard with it. =/

  • The light static over this soundbite makes his statement so much more profound. I love it!

  • Thanks for uploading this, invaluable piece of advise.

  • Stephen Fry always surprises me and I respect him more every single time he speaks!

  • Lol, Reaver xD

  • emotion can not be controlled... you can not really choose what to feel... if it is self pity and it is masked it does not mean self pity is gone.

  • @oprescuflorin And you base that statement on what?

  • @MK88N0M4D i don not get the purpose of your question.

  • @oprescuflorin I acctualy can't make it more obvious or simpler but i try. You say that human can't control thier emotions. Its just your feable speculation? Im in no position to agree or disagree but you are so sure we can't that i would be happy if you can base that statment in some more clear reliable data.

  • @oprescuflorin actually*

  • @MK88N0M4D arguments over the internet makes no sense... as you do not see on what i have based my statement i can not see your base for your statement either... Medically emotions are reactions to different hormones. Not having a reaction of any kind to any situation makes it an illness. If it is self pity... is because that is the way the brain synapses have been formed with that emotion... I rather want the truth about how a person feels than manipulating them in something else. *Cheers

  • Stephen Fry is a STABLE Oscar Wilde. His wit and genius rival that of his idol, if it does not surpass it altogether.

  • next time i feel like getting down on myself, i'm going to toss this on. Stephen Fry knows just how to make me feel better about life. :)

  • Fuck that. I respect Stephen Fry but he's incorrect in this regard. Self-pity can be justifiable in certain conditions. Pride is the worst.

  • Two people are at the pity party.

  • @DonaLynetteStewart

    I read somewhere that they may be linked. Self-pity can be caused by pride - in the sense that one clings to the lamenting state of self-pity because one is unwilling to accept that one made some mistake and therefore was not infallible, or wiser, than one was at the time of the mistake. Letting go of the self-pity would mean acknowledging that one is not perfect, but only human. No doubt one of the more painful lessons to learn - so self-pity can seem an easier way out.

  • SELF-PITY IS TOOOO PAINFUL...IF ANYBODY SUFFERS FROM IT, PLS HELP HIM/HER.,,!

  • @mu86neer How do you suggest others should help? I think self-pity is one of the conditions that is the hardest to do anything about from outside, because it is a 'diseased attitude'... And the cure is effectuated by a decision from inside to *let go* of this attitude and force oneself to see, and express, what's positive instead. At least in my experience. A good therapist can certainly be a great help, but people around one in general I think are pretty powerless to change one's attitude?

  • @mu86neer Of course it is important to distinguish between true self-pity (= as a way of looking at life in general) and the necessary - and painful - process of "digesting a grief". In the last case, others can be of help as a support, by "being there" and being able to make room for, and accept, the existence of the grief. I suppose self-pity sometimes arises when this process gets stuck - then the self-piteous person preys on the wish of others to help. I think that's what Stephen refers to

  • @mu86neer ...when he says that self-pity destroys both the relations to others and to oneself.

    Well... What I'm trying to say is just that some things can only be amended from the inside, while others are impossible to weather without the support from someone else. And sometimes it is hard to tell which is which. But the good thing about therapists is that they can give advice in both cases. So no one is all alone. At least, no one should ever be! ...Good luck & comfort to all sufferers.

  • SELF-PITY SI TOOOO PAINFUL...IF ANYBODY SUFFERS FROM IT, PLS HELP HIM/HER.,,!

  • Wow thanks Stephen! You gave me the trigger to rebuild myself! Brill! Priceless! Thanks! Lxo

  • Why isn''t this whole interview up anymore? I know Youtube has its regulations and whatnot, but I mean, come on... this is stuff that the entire world needs to hear...

  • my perspective- self pity is just an excuse for the people who are too weak to push on to quit at life and anyone who engages in it needs to punish themselves.

  • Oh man, if only I'd seen this earlier, a whole year of my life wouldn't have been wasted by incompetent fools.

  • A manic depressive pontificating about self pity! Oh please.

  • @litote99

    He didn't say he made a good choise by being "a manic depressive" did he? Not that is is a choise in the first place....

    People who hitted rock bottom in their lifes can tell others what is the 'wrong' way to go.

    Happy people can tell others what is 'a good way to go' by experience.

    A good soccer player can tell others how to play soccer by experience.

    Why am I responding on Youtube comments again? I dunno.......

  • @valkenburgert So, by your logic, an alcoholic or reformed alcoholic should have free rein to pontificate to other alcoholics about the evils of drinking, and murderers and rapists have special rights in lecturing others of their ilk, too?

    Incidentally, a quadraplegic rarely chooses to become one, either, and there is less they can do to address their condition than a manic depressive.

    I don't know why you replied either -- is masochism your personal demon?

  • Special rights? I'm saying CAN. like 3 times... That's not a special right now is it?

    My point is that I think it's a pitty you seem to focus on less constructive things then he's talking about. Normally I don't care about that but there's so much to learn from Stephen Fry...

    Breaking him down by saying stuff is easy: getting his point and learning from that is hard but it's for the better.

    Your trying to do the same thing with me with your last line. Exactly the same. Think about it!

  • I find it unpleasant to imagine if this prozelytizer -- a very charmed one at that with the vast sums he is paid to host silly TV programs -- were to harangue some quadraplegic for feeling unhappy with his lot. Someone please tip him off his velvet-cushioned pedestal.

  • @litote99 Did you listen to what he said or just let your opinions cloud your judgment? One simple fact of emotions, is that some are productive and some are not. Self-pity is a unproductive emotion, no psychiatrist would tell you otherwise. A task we all face in life is to shun unproductive emotions and embrace those that are not.

  • @reznor12 My comment did not applaud self-pity; I took umbrage at the pampered Mr Fry's pontification -- more repellant than the extremist form of self pity in my opinion/judgement.

    I think some degree of self pity is understandable -- perhaps even "productive" (though I'm not quite sure what you mean by this industrial term) if it has a consolatory effect. Pity is considered sympathetic when applied toward others. Philosophers regard existential angst as a rational, undeluded state of mind.

  • @litote99 Wow, you're an asshole. 

  • @thefuckheadsgalore How very eloquent, fuckface.

  • @litote99 No need for eloquence in this situation.

  • @thefuckheadsgalore Try to at least use the correct term of abuse, an ass is a donkey, you arsehole. Asinine Americans!

  • Gosh, isnt he just Fabulous. such a great man

  • very true.