Tell me a joke

[29wilsonrams]

didn't have enof time 2 tell the joke you kept cuting me off stupid matt.xD

[Raamen123]

Hey matt, i said you were an idiot every single time to this video, awkard response wait time but hey! it made you laugh! xD *gives thumbs up*

[cojago96]

This is the stupidest thing I've ever watched all the way through. And I saw He-Man sing "What's going on?" for five hours straight.

[SomeDude881]

I wish I knew what joke he was laughing at.....

[TheJacobsBro]

I am homeless since i answered "Dust" as my wife asked what was on TV. What should i do now?

PS. It was totally worth it ;-)

[emily2012anne]

Dear Matt,

Why did you cut off your luscious locks?

[zerocks88]

Seriously matt, that joke is so old, I can't believe you still laughed at it!

[TheMrGhostlore]

Dear Matt,

Does Morgan Freeman sound like God, or does God sound like Morgan Freeman?

[MusicalsNerd]

Shit this is keeping me entertained. Love from that weird kid called Eryn.

[xxEmmaBitchxxx]

Dear Matt,

How Muuch Wood Would A Woodchuck Wood If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood ?

[daxterjackmontages]

dear matt

you sort so much shit out, how do you get time to sort your shit out? (on the toilet?)

[Yiriahraven]

Your face!!

[dannynowak38]

My uncle once owned a trout farm. Drowned on his tractor.

[DarbChamster]

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.

[dannynowak38]

Jehovah's witnesses must know some great knock-knock jokes

[dancergrl77]

a man walks up to two old ladies and exposes himself. one has a stroke and the other is too short.

[MattGraylee]

Fn Genius

[AaronTheAngryRobot]

I kept telling you to suck my cock and your mom is a whore, but you just kept laughing like it was funny.

[rewrz0r]

Your creativity knows no bounds. You sir, are fucking fantastic.

[DDSHADE]

Where did the clam go on vacation???

CLAMBODIA!!

[getitsorted26]

@DDSHADE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH­AHAHA!!!!!!!

[dannynowak38]

@getitsorted26 The language on this channel is just about as clean as a nun's internet history..

[derekprince1991]

@DDSHADE Nice one, bro!

[WildZangoose]

Hahaha this was great

[TheDanniamy]

why did sally fall off the swing? cause she had no arms.

AHAHAHAAHHAAHA.IM SO FUNNY. AHAHAHAHHAHA.

[spacesciatto]

Masterpiece.

[laur1813laur]

lol i couldn't do it, your staring directly at me creeped me out too much and made me feel like you were gonna punch me or something >.>

[IvyPianoMan]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea? Bob.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

What do you call a man with a spade? Doug

What do you call a man without a spade? Douglas

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head? Russell

[riverdancer07]

Why did the boy cry? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

[SupremeChickenx]

hehehehehe you funny guy

[Speedpwns]

Dear Matt,  I happen to be I a drought of women, so tell me: how you get all of your women so effortlessly?

Eagerly waiting your wisest words,

Alex L.

[gregshamu]

Man, I'm fucking hilarious.

[screamtherapy028]

I showed boobs.

[pinkheartsunglasses]

Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[SiriusXification]

Dear matt, what would happen if I sent a .txt file to my future self that will exist in 2100 and asked him to send me a specific item back to 2012, then I wrote another letter to myself in 99 to send me 2 of the items. (The original and the one i got for 2100) a letter to myself in the 2098 to send me 4 of the items and so on... Fuck this, let's assume they're dragon dildos, anyways, what d you recon would happen?

[mymumrockslol]

1: I have cancer

2: my mam has cancer

3: my dad has cancer

4: my sister has cancer

5: Why are you laughing?

[HumbleHe]

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

:(

[lampofhell]

I'd tell you a joke about my penis, but it's too long.

[Elosization]

What's better than winning the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

[Pie42795]

Dear Matt,

How the heck did you hear my jokes?!?

[8Ottetal]

Keep pressing 7.

[therichards2000]

your nose looks like two vagina's. two vagina's. trying to eat your lips.

[mbonfantiful]

No.

[kite919]

Wanna hear a joke? Lil' Wayne

[rolfeijg2]

this shit is SCREAMING for video responses.

[ithoughtofthisname]

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he was hit by a bus.

[somadavenport]

why did the bike fall over? cause it was two tired :D? no cause i fucked it

[Josper128]

Wow Math your one racist motherfucker xD

[scarabseer]

I have AIDS

[fezzizo]

i fucking loved blues clues

[sauce1101]

Instead of jokes, I just repeatedly insulted your mother. Laughing at your own mum isn't nice.

[PaulRayIsMe]

Telling you jokes, made me laugh!

forever alone... sigh.

[drworm420]

i knew you loved racist jokes as much as i did! took you a second to get that we don't serve breakfast here one but still you got it. thought i would get more of a response out of you for the 9 out of 10 people like gang rape joke but just a ha. well try again another time. thanks for the giggles!

[TheSaraLedwith]

the sad thing is that i actually watched that whole video :/ and whats worse is that i laughed :/

[shahherwan93]

I really dont know.

[shahherwan93]

I dont know.

[coockie005]

I won every staring contest ! haha

[Swenglish]

A New-Age hippie goes up to the Buddha's hot dog stand, says "make me one with everything". "That'll be three bucks", says the Buddha. The hippie hands a ten dollar bill to the Buddha, who puts it in his box and hands the hippie a hot dog with various condiments. "There you go," says the Buddha, "have a nice day". The hippie looks at his hot dog, the box, the Buddha, and says "But where's my change?". "Change," says the Buddha, "can only come from within".

[TheMrGhostlore]

Okay, I didn't mean that. I love you.

[TheMrGhostlore]

Matt,

The joke is in your hand.

[TheCaptainSquiggles]

I went the lazy way "Laugh if you like cock":D

[megasin1]

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

[jamesthatcher79]

Matt, I can't tell if your getting more brilliant with your ideas, or just plain lazy...

[UberPhishStudios]

Holy *hell* that first reaction scared the crap out of me... Now I need new pants. :/

[vlnsnowprincess09]

Ah you make my day everytime, thanks for posting so many videos so far in 2012!

[ellwoolf]

If you went on a camping trip with your mate and woke up with a half filled condom stuck in your ass would you tell anybody?....

No?

Me neither.

... do you want to go camping?

[Koolikoo]

Me: pussy

Matt: I don't get that one

Me: no you don't

Matt: ohh HAHA now I HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[moekanz]

whats harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree ?

my cock when I did it.

[Mountaineer3615]

I found this easy to masturbate too.

[NDawgHoyt]

Why do blond girls have bruises around their bellybuttons?

Because blond guys are dumb, too.

[Superc1811]

This was fuckin stupid, Auckland rules, I fucked your mom, your fat

[gigasteam]

Dear Matt.

What is the funniest thing you have had sex with?

[KhuntMaster]

you didn't laugh at any of mine... :(

[Linds6259]

Man, you sure love racism.

[kiwimunster]

George Michael has sympathised with the Captain of the stricken Italian liner saying........... "I'm often left abandoned and lying on my side with a badly damaged bottom and dead seamen inside me after a nights cruising"!!

[Thelittlemaker]

How do you break the nose on a blond?

Put a dildo under a glasstable!

[charmanderstail]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks: "why that long face?" The horse, being a horse, thus not being able to comprehend the complexities of a conversation, says nothing and then shits on the floor.

[jkpotatoe]

A video for the forever alone...

[knobbly]

2 Snowmen standing in a field, 1 says to the other, can you smell Carrots?

[Xiphcreature]

A gorilla walks into a bar to order a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

[Jojoisawesomeness]

This is... possibly the best video I have ever seen.

[CaptainIndecisive]

I think this means I just spent the last 2mins30secs laughing at my own jokes

[Wrynnbal]

You suck at knock-kncok jokes ...

[rileytherandom]

I said what is 1+1, you were like I don't get it, then I said 2 and you started laughing hysterically. Thanks for the cheer up!

[FirasTeinz]

this was surprisingly fun :D, thanks for cheering me up mate...

[sparrowmella]

you are such an oddball matt

[Har0x]

There was once this old lady. She walked into a shop and asked for this thing. She then fell down and died.

[Aiii83]

I totally won each and every one of the staring contests in this video Matt, you suck at this!

Wait... Tell him jokes? What?

[PuppetsMindable]

some of the laughs scared the shit outa me O.O

[dschofield85]

i didn't say anything...... you were just laughing at my cat...............

you killed it you fucker!

[wheresmysanity]

You have the best fake laugh ever

[SimCityRockStar]

Funny, but not up to par with your usual stuff.

[golfcambo37]

@SimCityRockStar he blatantly said this is was something different to what he usually does....clap clap

[SimCityRockStar]

@golfcambo37 No duh. When I try something different in the kitchen, I like to have a little something called FEEDBACK. You don't know if people like it if they don't respond. So shut your face!

[golfcambo37]

@SimCityRockStar I suggest you stay in the kitchen where you belong

[xXInfiniteMischiefXx]

Atleast someone laughs at my jokes.

[siul89]

best video ever!!! jajaja this was awesome

[Darzaire]

It scares the shit out of me every time he laughs.

[PhoenixInLove]

The laugh @1:00 had me laughing so hard I watched it over and over XD

[Fad3ify]

i said " i have cancer". LOL

[laughwhore47]

I'm glad you liked my jokes Matt.

[TheNeuralAge]

You just made my day

[BlindMarine]

lol for one of the long ones I just stared at him the whole time and at the last second said penis. He said "I don't get it" :(

[Burckhard22]

I tell nothing but bad pun jokes about weed. I don't try very hard, you could call them "half-baked"

[irongobbo]

Why the heck did i watch this whole thing?

[HighRiskRock]

very nice... very different... pretend i just insulted you so you can single me out!!

[lolalove313]

You're silly. Lol. Watching this made me laugh... P.s. I think ur sexy:)

[warecreepers]

/mom

[warecreepers]

Nobody's laughed at my jokes before except my mum! That means you must be...

[chillahibbz]

WHAT.

[RevBruceOSF]

It worked! I always knew Blues Clues was legit!