To my anonymous friend, I am also a victim of marital rape. I am no longer with him - he left me for a younger model. I am amazed by what you have withstood. You are in my prayers and in my heart.
Nope. I have never raped or have ever been accused of rape. Congratulations on being the idiot 112321412th in suggesting that. Your comment is as idiotic as saying that I must be somehow affiliated to heroin usage because I believe heroin should be legalized.
Wow! If I could give you 10 stars for this I would. A very powerful video.
I've heard rape victims say that rape is worse than murder in some ways. When someone is murdered, their suffering ends. When someone is raped, they continue to suffer. Every day, for the rest of their life. Often torturing themselves by wondering what they did to deserve this, or what they could have done differently.
Our society has a very poor record when it comes to rape. Often the victim is portrayed as morally lax, as having "asked for it".
NO! The crime is solely that of the rapist. If a woman says "no" and a man forces himself on her, that cannot be her fault. It's like saying that someone who is stabbed is partly responsible for their murder because they died.
No one who has been raped should suffer in silence or suffer alone or feel guilt or be accused of deserving this attack.
You are not the guilty one here. Please seek out some counselling to help you deal with this. Don't let it continue to control your life. You have survived this rape and the point of surviving is to continue living, not continue suffering.
Thank you for posting this as a reply to my video.
Be strong, be kind to yourself. And above all remember that this was not your fault.
i have no wisdom to share,no advice to give.i fear i do not even have any intelligent comments to make.i am just wishing you well,and hope things are changing for the better.
Love is an amazing force. It gives shape to your life, a face to your dreams, and, sometimes, it dulls your senses. I haven't been in your situation, but i was repeatedly raped by a friend when i was very young. He was older, cooler, and i wanted him to like me; i said 'no' at first, and, after awhile, i just screamed 'no' in my head while lying still against my bedroom wall. I let it go on even though i hated it because i somehow couldn't connect stopping the pain to stopping the relationship.
Your conclusions here are right on! Don't let this take you over... you have a right to be free from guilt and hurt. Please feel free to contact me if you need to talk.
I'm glad that you're speaking out. This video really holds one's attention and makes them consider the subject in a different light. My questions for your consideration are if you think he remembers that he did that, and if he's aware of how he treats you.
Have you tried talking to other women who know exactly what you're saying? Rape suvivors' groups really help! It's just a lot of woman who have been damaged in the same why you've been. They sit in a room and try to help each other. It is beyond horrible that you have had to go through this for so long in silence and by yourself. Being reduced to a powerless object is always awful. It takes a lot of work to recover. Talking to others who have experienced the same thing does helps.Best of luck!
With respect very few guys have experienced rape, the feeling of powerlessness and the memories that stay for years. Rape is a very insidious crime. If you don't know what I mean poke your nose into the Muslim world. It's a sick world when men dictate what women should feel.
I seriously can't understand people like you. I mean, you had the opportunity to stop it. You had the opportunity to talk about it. You had the opportunity to leave him. Instead you chose to stay and submit to him and play a role? I don't know. I really don't. It's not to say that you're wrong or what not. I just can't relate whatsoever because I feel that you had ways to defend yourself but instead chose to let him go on with it. My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault.
Can someone just explain this to me? It's mind boggling. How can you have a long, sexual relationship with someone and after he had a few drinks and lost control you act as if he went insane and tried to kill you? It seems like he hasn't done it again, so it is even likely he's ashamed about it.
I don't mean to be TAA, but get over it. It was your boyfriend who you had already slept with who lost control. This is not some random crazy stranger in the night.
I'll have to disagree with ..well, all of your points. The world would be a much better place if we all thought things through before we said anything.
Not just rude and uncalled for, but did you ever think for one second the way someone would react to a comment like that?? Do you really think it was appropriate? Was it necessary? Realize that people cope with RAPE in different ways. If it was against her will, it was RAPE. Drunk or not. How do you justify that?!?
I think thinkmorepink about covered it but I will reiterate, if some one says NO to sex, and the sex doesn't stop it is rape. It makes no difference if the person being raped has had a relationship with that person it is still rape.
Not to mention the sense of defending his honor, her shame, etc. Speaks volumes of an upbringing that may have prevented her from defending herself, that would have made her feel too embarrassed to have anyone find out that she was being raped.
Not to mention the fact that they were in a relationship, the fact of being attacked by a person you loved, you trusted in such a way may have been a betrayal far harder to reconcile than being hurt by a stranger. You don't expect a stranger to have empathy for you, Your lover, you most definitely do.
RIGHT! Let's not forget the embarrassment involved in rape! The SHAME involved! The confusion, and overall, the violence of it all, especially whilst under the influence.
Who cares if it never happened again, who cares if they are still together, it was a hurt that happened, a hurt finally expressed. Give her that. It can take years to come to terms with such things.
No I won't because it is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. She's fucking the guy on a regular basis and he does something when clearly he wasn't even on a sober state of mind. Now she's acting as if some random guy broke into her house and held a gun to her face and truly raped her.
Well, I know how she's acting under that predicament because she's describing how she's acting. I'm saying that her reaction is stupid given the circumstances. This is as retarded as the case of the guy that got convicted of rape when he was having willfull sex with his girlfriend and she said "stop" and when she did he thrusted once more before stopping and that was "rape" to her.
I guess I'll stop it here. I'm not going to debate rape with someone who clearly doesn't understand the emotional impact that rape has on a person. Not to mention someone who can't find another word other than 'retarded.'
Oh god. The "I'm better than art thou" form of argument. Go ahead and not debate anymore if you'd like. It just shows what kind of elitist shit you are.
Truly raped her, You motherfucker! He wasn't sober??!!! Thats not a fucking excuse for rape. Maybe he shouldn't have drank so fucking much, he had a choice in what he imbibed, didn't he.
How many times must it be explained if some one says No, Stop, I don't want to have sex, it doesn't matter what went on before or after. It is RAPE.
I'm sick of hearing that "excuse". Alcohol abuse is NEVER an excuse, and it should never be used as an excuse. Rape is rape is rape, no matter whether there was alcohol involved or not.
I'm sick of hearing that "excuse". Alcohol abuse is NEVER an excuse, and it should never be used as an excuse. Rape is rape is rape, no matter whether there was alcohol involved or not."
Alcohol impairment is a real thing, even if you dislike it being. I never said it was an excuse for his behavor. I merely mentioned it as a factor in this that shows that it wasn't maliciously motivated.
"Alcohol impairment" ... "as a factor in this that shows that it wasn't maliciously motivate"
Sure. I'll have some drinks, go out and kill someone, and get away with it, because there was no malicious intention behind my killings. It was just alcohol impairment after all. Interesting logic you have there.
Alright. Thanks for your time then. The virgin mary and the baby jesus knows how much I desired it. Thanks for breaking my heart by taking away your time stranger.
She had the opportunity to stop it? You mean..when she said stop? When she was crying?
Maybe she didn't have a way to defend herself. She didn't go into detail the size of this man, whether he was violent or not, not to mention she was probably in shock, and scared for her life, he WAS under the influence after all...if he's violent enough to rape, who knows what else he's capable of.
"My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault."
Because rape is a two person thing, right? One says no...one says yes...
Rape is the fault of whomever is advancing against one's will. POINT BLANK. If she said no, it was rape. RAPE. No other way to put it. How dare you say it wasn't only his fault.
I just believe the person in this video is full of shit. It was a known lover who was drunk and did something he would never normally do. Was it wrong? Yes. Was it bad? Yes. Was it a good reason to leave him? Yes. But is this really a reason to make such a big deal about this? No. "Oh I was raped by this guy I regularly fuck but didn't want to that night." Go cry me a fucking river. The real rape victims are the women who get overpowered in an alley by some stranger with a knife.
and who are you to assume? I'd say there is no fine line. I would say that rape is rape, no matter which way you slice it. Just like murder is murder, no matter which weapon or method you use.
If you want to think that way, go ahead. To me and most people with common sense evaluate circumstances. If two guys are drunk at a bar and one punches the other who falls on his head and dies, it is murder. If a guy shoots someone just because, it's murder as well. Are they both the same? Clearly not.
You keep arguing like a retard. Nobody is saying it isn't rape under the technical description of the word. What I'm saying is that the circumstances matter and she's overreacting to something.
I guess it takes being raped to know. (And I don't know about you, but I tend to side with the victim.) In the meantime, a healthy dose of silence and reflection before you speak would suit you well.
And you who I assume (and correct me if I'm wrong) can guess well that it must take being raped to know.
Like I said. She has every right to feel pissed and bad about this, but she's overreacting. This is not some random stalker dude grabbing her in a dark alley and raping her. This is someone who she already had a sexual relationship who had too many drinks and lost control of his own self.
Sorry, but when some people make ignorant claims, it's hard to just sit back and watch. Besides, I think I was cheating earlier, when I sat back and laughed at some of your remarks (pity).
No, I can't. And when I don't know, I sympathize the victim. It's not that hard to show as much compassion as you can, with or without direct experience.
I have opinions on matters. But, again, when I can't claim any sort of expertise, my default is compassion. Were I to voice opposition, I'd come off as an ass. Especially if I was wrong.
"Unlike you, I have opinions on matters. Some people overreact to things, victim or not. Or is it the case that you can't overreact to things?"
My ex wife was raped by her brother when she was 15, the scars that remained 20 years later and contributed to our divorce. I assume by your standards she should have gotten over it, it was only her brother after all not some stranger. You're a fucking retard. When someone you trust violates you it can be much more tramatic than when it's a stranger.
Stop trying to speak about my standards as if you had any understanding of them. You've shown yourself to be an idiot in various youtube videos. This is no different it seems.
Your ex-wife has the absolute right to feel traumatized, violed and everything in between.
How about you stop talking about how "stupid" everyone else is, and expand your vocabulary? Or at least learn how to empathize. That doesn't even require a dictionary!
:( I've got a few books you can borrow? I can't however, lend out my sense of propriety or decency, my empathy skills are going to cost you. I've loaded them into a convenient pdf format if you'd like to download : )
Thank you, but I already have an extensive collection of my own. Many are books that I bought for my pleasure while others were required texts when I was an undergraduate at Berkeley. Don't be so close minded as to think that vocabulary alone can tell you what's on a person's mind.
Imagine if your child was killed...Imagine if you had to courage to speak of it...imagine if someone belittled you and scrutinized your pain when you spoke of it. Wouldn't that add to the pain you had already experienced?
"Imagine if your child was killed...Imagine if you had to courage to speak of it...imagine if someone belittled you and scrutinized your pain when you spoke of it. Wouldn't that add to the pain you had already experienced?"
I'm not one to censor myself based on how someone may or may not feel. I have an opinion and I speak it. Maybe she'll think about it and say "well, he was drunk and it was him. Maybe it is horrible what happened but not as bad as I once believed."
Do you really think that's what she'll say? You can't be that obtuse. You know that you are inflicting pain. And, if you are not in the habit of being sensitive in social situations then you must get beaten up very often. Attorneys especially, must guard their tongues.
"Do you really think that's what she'll say? You can't be that obtuse. You know that you are inflicting pain. And, if you are not in the habit of being sensitive in social situations then you must get beaten up very often. Attorneys especially, must guard their tongues."
I said it's a possibility, not an assurance. Sure, attorneys bite their tongue, but I'm neither an attorney nor in a court room.
You are making judgments on this woman's standards/reaction and saying she overreacted. Why is it not appropriate for us to judge your response an overreaction?
"You are making judgments on this woman's standards/reaction and saying she overreacted. Why is it not appropriate for us to judge your response an overreaction? "
When did I say it was not appropriate for you to judge and say my response is not an overreaction? You're free to believe that way, but I will continue to believe you're wrong.
"..and why are we wrong in saying you overreact but you right in saying she overreacts?"
I said to me you're wrong in saying that. Why because I don't believe I am overreacting? You could very well be right to a lot of people and wrong to others. That's a subjective choice how you choose to evaluate this. Is that too hard to understand?
""This is someone who she already had a sexual relationship"
And that makes it better how? "
I don't know if you're a man or a woman, but imagine you are one if you're not. You sincerely believe it's exactly the same to be raped by some random homeless guy in a dark alley as say your bf when he was drunk one night?
Why does TheBlindWatchmaker say that it is acceptable to rape someone when one is drunk? Why is it acceptable under *any circumstances*? There's stuff going around about how guys don't understand rape, so they shouldn't be held accountable. Like they don't understand assault, so it should be acceptable.
Any form of sexual force is unacceptable, heinous, and malignant, period.
Maybe if you learned to read in context. I was saying that she said she could have screamed to stop it but chose not to. That's like saying "I could have done more to stop the crime but instead I just didn't." It was completely his fault to the extent of his actions, but she could have also done more to stop it. Therefore, I think in part it escalated to that point because she it to. Had she screamed she would have saved herself a night of rape.
Actually I agree with the statement "My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault." because I don't think it was. BUT don't mistake that for me agreeing with him completely. I still feel sympathy towards the victim because it was the rapist who had the "bad" intentions. Let me give an example to explain my argument further and hopefully point out his mistake.
(cont).(not considering 9/11 conspiracies). Yes the government could have prevented the attack but it was the suicide hijackers who were the CAUSE of the incident. Now sure we can be angry at the government but they are not the people who brought this whole incident into play. (cont)
(cont)Now one could say "the government brought this on themselves" but WITHOUT the hijackers the government wouldn't even have to consider the situation! Therefore, it is primarily the hijackers fault just as it is the rapists. Which is why I still feel sympathetic towards the victim even though she could have prevented it because she had no intentions for it happening what so ever. That is your mistake, TBW.
My argument is simple if you don't understand it. What his actions did ARE his fault. Her just "taking it" when she could have done more is fault from her part. Does she have a right to be pissed? To be bothered? To even leave him? ABSOLUTELY YES. This does NOT mean that her now overreaction making it seem like it was some unknown stalker of the night raping her is appropriate given the circumstances that it was someone she had a sexual relationship with AND he was too drunk.
TBW, she said she could not do anything. It's like whenever you are "scared stiff". Sure you hypothetically could run but you're so scared that you cannot. All she could do was be, in your words, "taking it". @ the unknown stalker part. I think BECAUSE he WASNT an "unknown stalker" was the reason she was scared stiff.
You're correct. I have seen the video again to confirm what you say. Therefore, I completely retract my statement that she was at any fault and could have done more.
Sex between two people who love each other is a beautiful act, an act of bonding. Rape is a violent act that makes a mockery of the above. So I don't think she is overreacting there.
Being drunk (or stoned) is not an excuse for anything. If you lose control when you drink, don't drink or suffer the consequences.
There was probably little she could do at the time of the rape but she should of left him the first chance she had or as you say dealt with it.
Look at my question compared to your example. You could have said "..get raped.." but you chose the phrase "get plugged". That is a particularly dehumanizing term..a mocking, taunting term intended to wound, hurt..inflict pain.
Why would you do that if you didn't have some personal stake in this matter?
Different women have different views on this, heck, I'd probably give him 3 minutes to get his drunk jolly off and that would be that, but everyone is different. But there is a much bigger issue here (cont..).
(cont) Warning Graphic: Put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about it, imagine your girlfriend tying you down while your mother watched and she shoves a 12 inch dildo in your ass over and over as you beg her not to. Would that effect your ability to trust her? Could you look your mother in the eye? Would you be stunned, ashamed or just walk funny?
Maybe if the comparison was the same it would lend some credibility. Since nothing suggests that he performed sexual acts on her that he had no before, I don't see how a 12 inch dildo plays into this. Even if it had been so, I wouldn't be overreacting as if it was the fat bearded lady from the freak show pinning me down and doing something like that. Like I said, she has a right to be mad and what not, but this is an overreaction consider the circumstances.
If I were a judge (and someday I'll be because I'm going to law school), I would find in favor of the woman. I'd believe that she is overreacting, but under legal definition he's a rapist.
Didn't we settle this last night? The woman was raped all she is doing is admitting it and saying look, if you are prepared to say she should continue in such relationships taking the blame for another persons acts in the name of god, she will never accept that. She is trying to build a little confidence and self esteem to leave her abuser and you want to say that is an overreaction.
I tend to agree with TBW on this. When a woman lies down in a man's bed, the normal understanding and expectation is that she is willing to have sex with him. When she is in his bed habitually in normal interaction one person will often want sex while the other is disinterested but they accommodate each other's needs. Sometimes, the one wanting sex can be quite insistent. I do not think that is rape because being in the same bed implies consent.
To my perspective, a person being overly insistent in demanding sex with a bed partner, who had been occupying the same bed voluntarily, is more a breech of good manners than rape.
Now you somewhat understand what I'm saying although I still think it is rape, but I would agree it is a different form of rape. I think she still has a right to feel violated, pissed and even leave him, but to exaggerate and act as if this was some homeless guy in a dark alley raping her is simply excessive. Look at the imagery used in this video. A person that sewed their lips shut and then compares herself to June Clever and this other stuff.
Yes. That is not because she was "forced" to keep her mouth shut, it was just that is how she "felt". Sure she could tell, but she had some loyalty for him and her trust is now broken. Yes, it was supposed to stir emotion because the emotion is what she has to deal with. I do agree that it is a very different and more mild form of rape. But oddly it isn't nearly as much about the physical boundary but the one of emotion and trust.
"But oddly it isn't nearly as much about the physical boundary but the one of emotion and trust."
I understand that, but she should also realize that he was drunk off his ass and it wasn't his common practice. Apparently it never happened before or ever after. For all she knows he's torn by this too. He probably feels like shit for have done it but doesn't know how to even discuss this. She should have a conversation about this with him.
I understand that, but she should also realize that he was drunk off his ass and it wasn't his common practice.
That's no excuse. at all.
She should have a conversation about this with him.
The line that said "I think I should be able to have sex with my girlfriend whenever I want" (or along the lines of that) made him aware of what was going on. The tears in her eyes, gah, being drunk doesn't make you blind.
That is BS. The minute a person is forced to have sex against their will it becomes rape. Bedsharing is not consent. Not after the individual says NO. STOP. I don't want to.
If some one you love has sex with you while you cry and protest the whole time, it is not bad manners, it is rape.
Have you shared a bed with a family member? Have you slept in the same bed as a friend? Have you been to a sleep over? Applying this logic on what you consider concent is at minimum absurd and dangerous.
If she wants to leave the man she does not need to have been raped nor have any other reason. "I don't want to be with you," IS a reason. In fact, that is the best reason. If she does not want to be with him, no further justification is required nor does she need to find any nor make him out to be guilty of anything.
Funny thing is, I'm pretty far from being prude. If anything I lean quite a bit toward the naughty side. But understand a woman is not the property of man even if they are married (which they were not). Concent must be give each and every time for life. Now, I might not be as hard on the guy as the next woman but I can certainly tell you that it would destroy or significantly hurt the relationship. Once trust (drunk or not) leaves the relationship, it's over.
Then you truely do not understand. The mother next door to her is just the same as if she was watching. I used the dildo and anal to illustrate penetration which is MUCH different receiving then giving. This is a similar comparison, and because you can't put those shoes on, I can understand why you are so perplexed and clueless about this issue.
"The problem is that you don't understand how logic and comparisons work"
I understand very very well how logic works. And I'm NOT treating this as binary opposition. This is not quantitative, at best it is qualitative reasoning. Remember, this is emotional distress. So, to understand it you must put in the same perspective. That is what I have done. To make you understand HER perspective.
"So, to understand it you must put in the same perspective. That is what I have done. To make you understand HER perspective.
Wrong. You have not. All you've done is a bad comparison by misuse of proper logic. I can understand what your intentions are when you postulate this, but you simply cannot replicate emotions, especially by using illogical comparisons like "imagine your mom was in the room" when it was the guys mom in ANOTHER room asleep.
""The mother next door to her is just the same as if she was watching." Again, you fail because it simply is not the same."
Actually, it is. Although "Physically" different, "emotionally" it is the same. She knows that the mother knows that sex is happening. It is shameful to her, crushing. Most men really don't care, but to most women it sits there right in the center of our brain. So yes, the comparison is valid.
"Actually, it is. Although "Physically" different, "emotionally" it is the same. She knows that the mother knows that sex is happening. It is shameful to her, crushing."
I never knew that a SLEEPING mother-in-law IN ANOTHER ROOM could know sex was going on. To makes matter worst she clarifies at the end that nobody that knows them both knows it happened.
Yeah, right. Like I expected my husband to ask pretty please every time we had sex. I don't think so. If I had withdrawn my consent, I certainly would have gotten up out of the shared bed, preferably before he laid down, and taken the couch for the night or even left and gone to a motel. As for the strap on and other variations on the same theme, you are actually directing that to the wrong person. LOL! I probably would have thought, "Oh, good. He wants to play." LOL! But, that's just me.
I had an overly eager boyfriend once that would get a little forceful and carried away. I would tell him to stop and he would just keep at it. I would give him a good jab to the kidneys and he would calm down for about 10 minutes. We would continue this for about 3 times until it stopped. I never left the bed but if he did "force" penetration, yes, I would have considered it rape.
You are right, I'm directing it at the wrong person SSanf. I was just using that earlier as an example. But our partners DO ask everytime and we do reply everytime, it doesn't have to be verbal. When that is blatantly ignored, the line is crossed. But like I said, like you, I'm more "open" to that but I'm also a very different person than when I was 20 and if that was done then, I would have been torn apart inside.
To my anonymous friend, I am also a victim of marital rape. I am no longer with him - he left me for a younger model. I am amazed by what you have withstood. You are in my prayers and in my heart.
brokencharlotte 3 years ago
Makes me wonder about your motivations. Have you ever been raped by anyone or accused anyone of rape?
(I'm not taking sides. I'm just exploiting your logic error.)
BottomContributor 3 years ago
Nope. I have never raped or have ever been accused of rape. Congratulations on being the idiot 112321412th in suggesting that. Your comment is as idiotic as saying that I must be somehow affiliated to heroin usage because I believe heroin should be legalized.
TheBlindWatchmaker 3 years ago
Wow! If I could give you 10 stars for this I would. A very powerful video.
I've heard rape victims say that rape is worse than murder in some ways. When someone is murdered, their suffering ends. When someone is raped, they continue to suffer. Every day, for the rest of their life. Often torturing themselves by wondering what they did to deserve this, or what they could have done differently.
thatgaybloke 3 years ago
Our society has a very poor record when it comes to rape. Often the victim is portrayed as morally lax, as having "asked for it".
NO! The crime is solely that of the rapist. If a woman says "no" and a man forces himself on her, that cannot be her fault. It's like saying that someone who is stabbed is partly responsible for their murder because they died.
No one who has been raped should suffer in silence or suffer alone or feel guilt or be accused of deserving this attack.
thatgaybloke 3 years ago
You are not the guilty one here. Please seek out some counselling to help you deal with this. Don't let it continue to control your life. You have survived this rape and the point of surviving is to continue living, not continue suffering.
Thank you for posting this as a reply to my video.
Be strong, be kind to yourself. And above all remember that this was not your fault.
Take care.
thatgaybloke 3 years ago
Then almost any crime in the world would be worse than murder because you gotta live with it.
TheBlindWatchmaker 3 years ago
You are not property and definitely don't deserve to be treated as such.
FormerFollier 3 years ago
You don't deserve to be punished for any abuse this man handed out.
heavenundertheearth 4 years ago
i have no wisdom to share,no advice to give.i fear i do not even have any intelligent comments to make.i am just wishing you well,and hope things are changing for the better.
NemoUtopian 4 years ago
no comments too stupid actions
Mokas22 4 years ago
i dont understand your comment
AnnCunter 3 years ago
backs away from this
nicanicabad 4 years ago
wow.
rowsdowersavesus 4 years ago
Good video, and a good message.
I think you've done a big step on the path of becoming the woman you deserve to be. Walk on.
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
That was a powerful message
5/5
thequantumflux 4 years ago
Love is an amazing force. It gives shape to your life, a face to your dreams, and, sometimes, it dulls your senses. I haven't been in your situation, but i was repeatedly raped by a friend when i was very young. He was older, cooler, and i wanted him to like me; i said 'no' at first, and, after awhile, i just screamed 'no' in my head while lying still against my bedroom wall. I let it go on even though i hated it because i somehow couldn't connect stopping the pain to stopping the relationship.
DamNationDiplomat 4 years ago
Stay strong, sister, you might be single, but you are NOT alone.
DamNationDiplomat 4 years ago
I have nothing to add really, nothing I say can make a difference to you, unfortunately.
Save to say, I will be thinking off you!.
All my love and support, I hope you can get through this in a quick a time as possible and regain your life.
All my love
Joe.
joebot1 4 years ago
A long string of profanity is running through my head. It can stay there. It doesn't begin to cover.... anything.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. HE does.
I don't know what else to say. At the end of the line, all my words are meaningless anyway.
Stay strong.
CapnOrdinary 4 years ago 2
Your conclusions here are right on! Don't let this take you over... you have a right to be free from guilt and hurt. Please feel free to contact me if you need to talk.
heatherlynblue 4 years ago
I'm speechless. Stay strong.
oarsman2000 4 years ago
Damn.
RuinedSaint 4 years ago
wow
superfisto 4 years ago
I'm glad that you're speaking out. This video really holds one's attention and makes them consider the subject in a different light. My questions for your consideration are if you think he remembers that he did that, and if he's aware of how he treats you.
JSResponds 4 years ago
Have you tried talking to other women who know exactly what you're saying? Rape suvivors' groups really help! It's just a lot of woman who have been damaged in the same why you've been. They sit in a room and try to help each other. It is beyond horrible that you have had to go through this for so long in silence and by yourself. Being reduced to a powerless object is always awful. It takes a lot of work to recover. Talking to others who have experienced the same thing does helps.Best of luck!
2bsirius 4 years ago
With respect very few guys have experienced rape, the feeling of powerlessness and the memories that stay for years. Rape is a very insidious crime. If you don't know what I mean poke your nose into the Muslim world. It's a sick world when men dictate what women should feel.
samten54 4 years ago
Deeply, deeply meaningful and powerful Ann. I admire your courage. Would that I could speak as you.
exsequitur 4 years ago 2
I seriously can't understand people like you. I mean, you had the opportunity to stop it. You had the opportunity to talk about it. You had the opportunity to leave him. Instead you chose to stay and submit to him and play a role? I don't know. I really don't. It's not to say that you're wrong or what not. I just can't relate whatsoever because I feel that you had ways to defend yourself but instead chose to let him go on with it. My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Can someone just explain this to me? It's mind boggling. How can you have a long, sexual relationship with someone and after he had a few drinks and lost control you act as if he went insane and tried to kill you? It seems like he hasn't done it again, so it is even likely he's ashamed about it.
I don't mean to be TAA, but get over it. It was your boyfriend who you had already slept with who lost control. This is not some random crazy stranger in the night.
Talk to him about it.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
I'll have to disagree with ..well, all of your points. The world would be a much better place if we all thought things through before we said anything.
Your comment is beyond rude and uncalled for.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Not just rude and uncalled for, but did you ever think for one second the way someone would react to a comment like that?? Do you really think it was appropriate? Was it necessary? Realize that people cope with RAPE in different ways. If it was against her will, it was RAPE. Drunk or not. How do you justify that?!?
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
I think thinkmorepink about covered it but I will reiterate, if some one says NO to sex, and the sex doesn't stop it is rape. It makes no difference if the person being raped has had a relationship with that person it is still rape.
Not to mention the sense of defending his honor, her shame, etc. Speaks volumes of an upbringing that may have prevented her from defending herself, that would have made her feel too embarrassed to have anyone find out that she was being raped.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Not to mention the fact that they were in a relationship, the fact of being attacked by a person you loved, you trusted in such a way may have been a betrayal far harder to reconcile than being hurt by a stranger. You don't expect a stranger to have empathy for you, Your lover, you most definitely do.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Agreed 100%
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
RIGHT! Let's not forget the embarrassment involved in rape! The SHAME involved! The confusion, and overall, the violence of it all, especially whilst under the influence.
THERE'S NO JUSTIFYING IT.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Who cares if it never happened again, who cares if they are still together, it was a hurt that happened, a hurt finally expressed. Give her that. It can take years to come to terms with such things.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
No I won't because it is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. She's fucking the guy on a regular basis and he does something when clearly he wasn't even on a sober state of mind. Now she's acting as if some random guy broke into her house and held a gun to her face and truly raped her.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
'She's acting as if some random guy broke into her house and held a gun to her face and 'truly' raped her'
Rape is rape. How do you know how anyone would act in that predicament?
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Well, I know how she's acting under that predicament because she's describing how she's acting. I'm saying that her reaction is stupid given the circumstances. This is as retarded as the case of the guy that got convicted of rape when he was having willfull sex with his girlfriend and she said "stop" and when she did he thrusted once more before stopping and that was "rape" to her.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
'Retarded' and 'STUPID'
I guess I'll stop it here. I'm not going to debate rape with someone who clearly doesn't understand the emotional impact that rape has on a person. Not to mention someone who can't find another word other than 'retarded.'
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Oh god. The "I'm better than art thou" form of argument. Go ahead and not debate anymore if you'd like. It just shows what kind of elitist shit you are.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
You just said, "I'm better than are you"
I believe it would be phrased... "better than thou art"
However, you can think that way if you like. I won't argue with a child.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Now I'm a child. Oh okay. I guess saying "child" makes you better than the person who says "retard." Good job with that.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Truly raped her, You motherfucker! He wasn't sober??!!! Thats not a fucking excuse for rape. Maybe he shouldn't have drank so fucking much, he had a choice in what he imbibed, didn't he.
How many times must it be explained if some one says No, Stop, I don't want to have sex, it doesn't matter what went on before or after. It is RAPE.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago 2
AGREED.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
"he wasn't even on a sober state of mind"
I'm sick of hearing that "excuse". Alcohol abuse is NEVER an excuse, and it should never be used as an excuse. Rape is rape is rape, no matter whether there was alcohol involved or not.
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
""he wasn't even on a sober state of mind"
I'm sick of hearing that "excuse". Alcohol abuse is NEVER an excuse, and it should never be used as an excuse. Rape is rape is rape, no matter whether there was alcohol involved or not."
Alcohol impairment is a real thing, even if you dislike it being. I never said it was an excuse for his behavor. I merely mentioned it as a factor in this that shows that it wasn't maliciously motivated.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"Alcohol impairment" ... "as a factor in this that shows that it wasn't maliciously motivate"
Sure. I'll have some drinks, go out and kill someone, and get away with it, because there was no malicious intention behind my killings. It was just alcohol impairment after all. Interesting logic you have there.
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
it would be interested if it was my logic, but too bad for you it's just a childish strawman you're using.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
You don't deserve more of my time, so I'll leave it at that.
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
Alright. Thanks for your time then. The virgin mary and the baby jesus knows how much I desired it. Thanks for breaking my heart by taking away your time stranger.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
She had the opportunity to stop it? You mean..when she said stop? When she was crying?
Maybe she didn't have a way to defend herself. She didn't go into detail the size of this man, whether he was violent or not, not to mention she was probably in shock, and scared for her life, he WAS under the influence after all...if he's violent enough to rape, who knows what else he's capable of.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
"My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault."
Because rape is a two person thing, right? One says no...one says yes...
Rape is the fault of whomever is advancing against one's will. POINT BLANK. If she said no, it was rape. RAPE. No other way to put it. How dare you say it wasn't only his fault.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
I just believe the person in this video is full of shit. It was a known lover who was drunk and did something he would never normally do. Was it wrong? Yes. Was it bad? Yes. Was it a good reason to leave him? Yes. But is this really a reason to make such a big deal about this? No. "Oh I was raped by this guy I regularly fuck but didn't want to that night." Go cry me a fucking river. The real rape victims are the women who get overpowered in an alley by some stranger with a knife.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
and who are you to assume? I'd say there is no fine line. I would say that rape is rape, no matter which way you slice it. Just like murder is murder, no matter which weapon or method you use.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
If you want to think that way, go ahead. To me and most people with common sense evaluate circumstances. If two guys are drunk at a bar and one punches the other who falls on his head and dies, it is murder. If a guy shoots someone just because, it's murder as well. Are they both the same? Clearly not.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
You just said it yourself! It's murder nonetheless.
therefore, it is rape, nonetheless. Not the same fashion of someone with a gun to one's head, but rape is rape. A violent, heinous crime.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
You keep arguing like a retard. Nobody is saying it isn't rape under the technical description of the word. What I'm saying is that the circumstances matter and she's overreacting to something.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"overreacting" to rape? She is expressing her fucking experience. That is not a fucking overreaction.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
I guess it takes being raped to know. (And I don't know about you, but I tend to side with the victim.) In the meantime, a healthy dose of silence and reflection before you speak would suit you well.
azrienoch 4 years ago
And you who I assume (and correct me if I'm wrong) can guess well that it must take being raped to know.
Like I said. She has every right to feel pissed and bad about this, but she's overreacting. This is not some random stalker dude grabbing her in a dark alley and raping her. This is someone who she already had a sexual relationship who had too many drinks and lost control of his own self.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
correction...
And you who I assume (and correct me if I'm wrong) who HAS NOT been raped can guess well that it must take being raped to know.***
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
I'm sure that is none of your business, regardless.
One can not 'overreact' to rape. One simply copes in different ways. get over it.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
I thought our conversation was over. Make up your mind.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Sorry, but when some people make ignorant claims, it's hard to just sit back and watch. Besides, I think I was cheating earlier, when I sat back and laughed at some of your remarks (pity).
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
You're sure showing me how calling you a "retard" was the wrong move.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
No, I can't. And when I don't know, I sympathize the victim. It's not that hard to show as much compassion as you can, with or without direct experience.
azrienoch 4 years ago
Unlike you, I have opinions on matters. Some people overreact to things, victim or not. Or is it the case that you can't overreact to things?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
I have opinions on matters. But, again, when I can't claim any sort of expertise, my default is compassion. Were I to voice opposition, I'd come off as an ass. Especially if I was wrong.
azrienoch 4 years ago
I have opinions too, my opinion is that you are overreacting to a woman breaking her silence after swallowing a hurt every day for years.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Hmmm...I agree. He is overreacting, I wonder why?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"Unlike you, I have opinions on matters. Some people overreact to things, victim or not. Or is it the case that you can't overreact to things?"
My ex wife was raped by her brother when she was 15, the scars that remained 20 years later and contributed to our divorce. I assume by your standards she should have gotten over it, it was only her brother after all not some stranger. You're a fucking retard. When someone you trust violates you it can be much more tramatic than when it's a stranger.
TheOptimisticSkeptic 4 years ago 3
Stop trying to speak about my standards as if you had any understanding of them. You've shown yourself to be an idiot in various youtube videos. This is no different it seems.
Your ex-wife has the absolute right to feel traumatized, violed and everything in between.
Now fuck off.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
You're banned from my channel. Completely inappropriate.
azrienoch 4 years ago 2
Oh wow that really hurts me, moral police. Go ahead and ban me from your channel. That's completely fine by me.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
X's two.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
"Stop trying to speak about my standards as if you had any understanding of them.
You stated that she overeacted, and should have gotten over it. I know your standards by your own words.
"You've shown yourself to be an idiot in various youtube videos"
I'll put my reputation up against yours any day fool. Now you fuck off, and stop verbally raping this poor woman, she's clearly suffered enough.
TheOptimisticSkeptic 4 years ago
No you don't. You're stupid and don't know how to read.
Verbally raping this woman? Hilarious. You took this to a whole new level.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
stupid
stupid
retard
idiot
fuck off
How about you stop talking about how "stupid" everyone else is, and expand your vocabulary? Or at least learn how to empathize. That doesn't even require a dictionary!
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
maybe the day you stop trying to act elitist over vocabulary.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
:( I've got a few books you can borrow? I can't however, lend out my sense of propriety or decency, my empathy skills are going to cost you. I've loaded them into a convenient pdf format if you'd like to download : )
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Thank you, but I already have an extensive collection of my own. Many are books that I bought for my pleasure while others were required texts when I was an undergraduate at Berkeley. Don't be so close minded as to think that vocabulary alone can tell you what's on a person's mind.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Imagine if your child was killed...Imagine if you had to courage to speak of it...imagine if someone belittled you and scrutinized your pain when you spoke of it. Wouldn't that add to the pain you had already experienced?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"Imagine if your child was killed...Imagine if you had to courage to speak of it...imagine if someone belittled you and scrutinized your pain when you spoke of it. Wouldn't that add to the pain you had already experienced?"
I'm not one to censor myself based on how someone may or may not feel. I have an opinion and I speak it. Maybe she'll think about it and say "well, he was drunk and it was him. Maybe it is horrible what happened but not as bad as I once believed."
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Do you really think that's what she'll say? You can't be that obtuse. You know that you are inflicting pain. And, if you are not in the habit of being sensitive in social situations then you must get beaten up very often. Attorneys especially, must guard their tongues.
xy11xy 4 years ago
"Do you really think that's what she'll say? You can't be that obtuse. You know that you are inflicting pain. And, if you are not in the habit of being sensitive in social situations then you must get beaten up very often. Attorneys especially, must guard their tongues."
I said it's a possibility, not an assurance. Sure, attorneys bite their tongue, but I'm neither an attorney nor in a court room.
Now are you done with your nonesense?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
You are making judgments on this woman's standards/reaction and saying she overreacted. Why is it not appropriate for us to judge your response an overreaction?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"You are making judgments on this woman's standards/reaction and saying she overreacted. Why is it not appropriate for us to judge your response an overreaction? "
When did I say it was not appropriate for you to judge and say my response is not an overreaction? You're free to believe that way, but I will continue to believe you're wrong.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
..and why are we wrong in saying you overreact but you right in saying she overreacts?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"..and why are we wrong in saying you overreact but you right in saying she overreacts?"
I said to me you're wrong in saying that. Why because I don't believe I am overreacting? You could very well be right to a lot of people and wrong to others. That's a subjective choice how you choose to evaluate this. Is that too hard to understand?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Thank you xy11xy, you are always such a passionate voice for women, It is really wonderful.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Don't you see that is a big part of her pain, She LOVED him, she TRUSTED him, He betrayed her by attacking her like an asshole in the streets.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
"This is someone who she already had a sexual relationship"
And that makes it better how?
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
""This is someone who she already had a sexual relationship"
And that makes it better how? "
I don't know if you're a man or a woman, but imagine you are one if you're not. You sincerely believe it's exactly the same to be raped by some random homeless guy in a dark alley as say your bf when he was drunk one night?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"You sincerely believe it's exactly the same"
No, I don't. Getting raped by someone who you know and love(d) and trusted is much worse.
AVoiceFromGermany 4 years ago
Alright. If you interpret it that way, go ahead. There's no discussion to have because it's subjective. I don't believe it is worst of equal at all.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Every person can control their own sobriety/drunkeness.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
I guess that explains why people do stupid things that they would never normally do sober.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Why does TheBlindWatchmaker say that it is acceptable to rape someone when one is drunk? Why is it acceptable under *any circumstances*? There's stuff going around about how guys don't understand rape, so they shouldn't be held accountable. Like they don't understand assault, so it should be acceptable.
Any form of sexual force is unacceptable, heinous, and malignant, period.
Blind man.
exsequitur 4 years ago
You're another idiot. NEVER did I say it was acceptable what he did. Next time try reading before saying something stupid.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Never once did you say, Ann, that must have been painful either. In ALL the comments you have made you have shown not one shred of Empathy.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago 2
exactly, as a matter of fact... "My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault." was a dead giveaway.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Maybe if you learned to read in context. I was saying that she said she could have screamed to stop it but chose not to. That's like saying "I could have done more to stop the crime but instead I just didn't." It was completely his fault to the extent of his actions, but she could have also done more to stop it. Therefore, I think in part it escalated to that point because she it to. Had she screamed she would have saved herself a night of rape.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Actually I agree with the statement "My instinct is to say that maybe this wasn't only his fault." because I don't think it was. BUT don't mistake that for me agreeing with him completely. I still feel sympathy towards the victim because it was the rapist who had the "bad" intentions. Let me give an example to explain my argument further and hopefully point out his mistake.
thinkeatingmachine 4 years ago
(cont).(not considering 9/11 conspiracies). Yes the government could have prevented the attack but it was the suicide hijackers who were the CAUSE of the incident. Now sure we can be angry at the government but they are not the people who brought this whole incident into play. (cont)
thinkeatingmachine 4 years ago
(cont)Now one could say "the government brought this on themselves" but WITHOUT the hijackers the government wouldn't even have to consider the situation! Therefore, it is primarily the hijackers fault just as it is the rapists. Which is why I still feel sympathetic towards the victim even though she could have prevented it because she had no intentions for it happening what so ever. That is your mistake, TBW.
thinkeatingmachine 4 years ago
My argument is simple if you don't understand it. What his actions did ARE his fault. Her just "taking it" when she could have done more is fault from her part. Does she have a right to be pissed? To be bothered? To even leave him? ABSOLUTELY YES. This does NOT mean that her now overreaction making it seem like it was some unknown stalker of the night raping her is appropriate given the circumstances that it was someone she had a sexual relationship with AND he was too drunk.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
TBW, she said she could not do anything. It's like whenever you are "scared stiff". Sure you hypothetically could run but you're so scared that you cannot. All she could do was be, in your words, "taking it". @ the unknown stalker part. I think BECAUSE he WASNT an "unknown stalker" was the reason she was scared stiff.
thinkeatingmachine 4 years ago
You're correct. I have seen the video again to confirm what you say. Therefore, I completely retract my statement that she was at any fault and could have done more.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
wow what a long discusion.
Sex between two people who love each other is a beautiful act, an act of bonding. Rape is a violent act that makes a mockery of the above. So I don't think she is overreacting there.
Being drunk (or stoned) is not an excuse for anything. If you lose control when you drink, don't drink or suffer the consequences.
There was probably little she could do at the time of the rape but she should of left him the first chance she had or as you say dealt with it.
saibod 4 years ago
Is everyone an idiot/retard/stupid? Maybe...and hear me out...maybe...you're the one with the problem?
Just a thought...I guess.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
Thank You My friend. You are quite correct.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago 2
Why are you so angry about this..almost an embattled response? Did you do something like this?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"Why are you so angry about this..almost an embattled response? Did you do something like this? "
This is as stupid as me saying "why are you defending her so much? Did you get plugged by someone when you didn't want to?"
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Look at my question compared to your example. You could have said "..get raped.." but you chose the phrase "get plugged". That is a particularly dehumanizing term..a mocking, taunting term intended to wound, hurt..inflict pain.
Why would you do that if you didn't have some personal stake in this matter?
xy11xy 4 years ago
Different women have different views on this, heck, I'd probably give him 3 minutes to get his drunk jolly off and that would be that, but everyone is different. But there is a much bigger issue here (cont..).
RosieDesire 4 years ago
(cont) Warning Graphic: Put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about it, imagine your girlfriend tying you down while your mother watched and she shoves a 12 inch dildo in your ass over and over as you beg her not to. Would that effect your ability to trust her? Could you look your mother in the eye? Would you be stunned, ashamed or just walk funny?
RosieDesire 4 years ago
Maybe if the comparison was the same it would lend some credibility. Since nothing suggests that he performed sexual acts on her that he had no before, I don't see how a 12 inch dildo plays into this. Even if it had been so, I wouldn't be overreacting as if it was the fat bearded lady from the freak show pinning me down and doing something like that. Like I said, she has a right to be mad and what not, but this is an overreaction consider the circumstances.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"...but this is an overreaction consider the circumstances."
Perhaps in your opinion. I'm glad you're not in charge of our legal system. Imagine what criminals would get away with.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
If I were a judge (and someday I'll be because I'm going to law school), I would find in favor of the woman. I'd believe that she is overreacting, but under legal definition he's a rapist.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Do you feel that women threaten your masculinity? Do you feel embattled by femininity? Do you feel women are unjustly elevated by the law?
xy11xy 4 years ago
"Do you feel that women threaten your masculinity? Do you feel embattled by femininity? Do you feel women are unjustly elevated by the law? "
No. No and in this circumstance No. I would agree that women are elevated in divorce courts or when it comes to child custody.
Are you done saying stupid things and making assumptions about me?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
My personal values and sense of human compassion for this woman will not allow me to be quiet while you devalue her pain.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Why don't you get crucified while you're at it martyr?
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Now you are suggesting I get harmed for standing up to you. You are quite the gent indeed. LOL.
Fortunately I am a lady and I will hold my tongue.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
what's your fucking problem?
this is not about her, about him, or about what anyone did, it's about healing
it is obvious to me you have some healing of your own to do for having done things you may or may not regret.
hunniebee173 4 years ago
I can't believe we are back here Shan. its sick, seriously sick. My human empathy for even the worst of men is fading. That is pretty sad.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Didn't we settle this last night? The woman was raped all she is doing is admitting it and saying look, if you are prepared to say she should continue in such relationships taking the blame for another persons acts in the name of god, she will never accept that. She is trying to build a little confidence and self esteem to leave her abuser and you want to say that is an overreaction.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
"Didn't we settle this last night? "
You're free to stop replying to me. I didn't come back to this video until someone hit that reply button to me.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
I tend to agree with TBW on this. When a woman lies down in a man's bed, the normal understanding and expectation is that she is willing to have sex with him. When she is in his bed habitually in normal interaction one person will often want sex while the other is disinterested but they accommodate each other's needs. Sometimes, the one wanting sex can be quite insistent. I do not think that is rape because being in the same bed implies consent.
SSanf 4 years ago
Although it sounds like obvious sarcasm, it is far from what I'm trying to say.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
To my perspective, a person being overly insistent in demanding sex with a bed partner, who had been occupying the same bed voluntarily, is more a breech of good manners than rape.
SSanf 4 years ago
So, If you were sleeping on my bed, I could put on a hefty strap on and give you a good anal pounding. You'd be consenting Good to know...
RosieDesire 4 years ago
Now you somewhat understand what I'm saying although I still think it is rape, but I would agree it is a different form of rape. I think she still has a right to feel violated, pissed and even leave him, but to exaggerate and act as if this was some homeless guy in a dark alley raping her is simply excessive. Look at the imagery used in this video. A person that sewed their lips shut and then compares herself to June Clever and this other stuff.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"Look at the imagery...sewed their lips shut..."
Yes. That is not because she was "forced" to keep her mouth shut, it was just that is how she "felt". Sure she could tell, but she had some loyalty for him and her trust is now broken. Yes, it was supposed to stir emotion because the emotion is what she has to deal with. I do agree that it is a very different and more mild form of rape. But oddly it isn't nearly as much about the physical boundary but the one of emotion and trust.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
"But oddly it isn't nearly as much about the physical boundary but the one of emotion and trust."
I understand that, but she should also realize that he was drunk off his ass and it wasn't his common practice. Apparently it never happened before or ever after. For all she knows he's torn by this too. He probably feels like shit for have done it but doesn't know how to even discuss this. She should have a conversation about this with him.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
I understand that, but she should also realize that he was drunk off his ass and it wasn't his common practice.
That's no excuse. at all.
She should have a conversation about this with him.
The line that said "I think I should be able to have sex with my girlfriend whenever I want" (or along the lines of that) made him aware of what was going on. The tears in her eyes, gah, being drunk doesn't make you blind.
I can't believe this is going on still.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
That is BS. The minute a person is forced to have sex against their will it becomes rape. Bedsharing is not consent. Not after the individual says NO. STOP. I don't want to.
If some one you love has sex with you while you cry and protest the whole time, it is not bad manners, it is rape.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
Ssanf
"Being in the same bed implies consent"
Have you shared a bed with a family member? Have you slept in the same bed as a friend? Have you been to a sleep over? Applying this logic on what you consider concent is at minimum absurd and dangerous.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
If she wants to leave the man she does not need to have been raped nor have any other reason. "I don't want to be with you," IS a reason. In fact, that is the best reason. If she does not want to be with him, no further justification is required nor does she need to find any nor make him out to be guilty of anything.
SSanf 4 years ago
Funny thing is, I'm pretty far from being prude. If anything I lean quite a bit toward the naughty side. But understand a woman is not the property of man even if they are married (which they were not). Concent must be give each and every time for life. Now, I might not be as hard on the guy as the next woman but I can certainly tell you that it would destroy or significantly hurt the relationship. Once trust (drunk or not) leaves the relationship, it's over.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
Then you truely do not understand. The mother next door to her is just the same as if she was watching. I used the dildo and anal to illustrate penetration which is MUCH different receiving then giving. This is a similar comparison, and because you can't put those shoes on, I can understand why you are so perplexed and clueless about this issue.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
"Then you truely do not understand."
I do understand. The problem is that you don't understand how logic and comparisons work. It's "similar" comparison is NOT equal comparison.
"The mother next door to her is just the same as if she was watching."
Again, you fail because it simply is not the same.
Try reading up on logic and then come back to try to discuss this.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"The problem is that you don't understand how logic and comparisons work"
I understand very very well how logic works. And I'm NOT treating this as binary opposition. This is not quantitative, at best it is qualitative reasoning. Remember, this is emotional distress. So, to understand it you must put in the same perspective. That is what I have done. To make you understand HER perspective.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
"So, to understand it you must put in the same perspective. That is what I have done. To make you understand HER perspective.
Wrong. You have not. All you've done is a bad comparison by misuse of proper logic. I can understand what your intentions are when you postulate this, but you simply cannot replicate emotions, especially by using illogical comparisons like "imagine your mom was in the room" when it was the guys mom in ANOTHER room asleep.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
""The mother next door to her is just the same as if she was watching." Again, you fail because it simply is not the same."
Actually, it is. Although "Physically" different, "emotionally" it is the same. She knows that the mother knows that sex is happening. It is shameful to her, crushing. Most men really don't care, but to most women it sits there right in the center of our brain. So yes, the comparison is valid.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
"Actually, it is. Although "Physically" different, "emotionally" it is the same. She knows that the mother knows that sex is happening. It is shameful to her, crushing."
I never knew that a SLEEPING mother-in-law IN ANOTHER ROOM could know sex was going on. To makes matter worst she clarifies at the end that nobody that knows them both knows it happened.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
"Most men really don't care, but to most women it sits there right in the center of our brain."
You're scum for making this obviously sexist and baseless claim.
"So yes, the comparison is valid."
No it's not. You clearly don't "very very well" understand logic and how it functions.
TheBlindWatchmaker 4 years ago
Yeah, right. Like I expected my husband to ask pretty please every time we had sex. I don't think so. If I had withdrawn my consent, I certainly would have gotten up out of the shared bed, preferably before he laid down, and taken the couch for the night or even left and gone to a motel. As for the strap on and other variations on the same theme, you are actually directing that to the wrong person. LOL! I probably would have thought, "Oh, good. He wants to play." LOL! But, that's just me.
SSanf 4 years ago
I would say that if you leave the bed and he attacks you on the couch, that is rape.
SSanf 4 years ago
I had an overly eager boyfriend once that would get a little forceful and carried away. I would tell him to stop and he would just keep at it. I would give him a good jab to the kidneys and he would calm down for about 10 minutes. We would continue this for about 3 times until it stopped. I never left the bed but if he did "force" penetration, yes, I would have considered it rape.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
You are right, I'm directing it at the wrong person SSanf. I was just using that earlier as an example. But our partners DO ask everytime and we do reply everytime, it doesn't have to be verbal. When that is blatantly ignored, the line is crossed. But like I said, like you, I'm more "open" to that but I'm also a very different person than when I was 20 and if that was done then, I would have been torn apart inside.
RosieDesire 4 years ago
Yeah, well, we all know where my tastes lie so I am probably not all that representative. Just the same I think sharing a bed is implied consent.
SSanf 4 years ago
Consent to be approached maybe. For sex against your will no, I think not.
thequestionmarkofGod 4 years ago
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Wow.
and wow.
and wow.
and wow.
and wow.
and wow.
and wow.
wow.
thinkmorepink 4 years ago
wow, very poignant. More power to you.
mistawulf 4 years ago 4
Powerful.
azrienoch 4 years ago 4
Thank you Az, I wish you knew what it means to me, to speak, to be heard.
AnnCunter 4 years ago