Magic TV Top 8 of the Week: Best Flavor Texts from Magic Cards

[Nasfaru]

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE didnt make the list? =[

[Lightman0359]

Lava Axe: "Catch!" Big furry Monster: "It was big, really, really big. No! Bigger, keep going, we're talking krakens and leviathans for earrings."

[Vaultzero]

Goblin Piledriver for the win. The top 5 sucked my grandma's dick.

[1naruto59]

i still think the new day of judgement has the best flavor text. it has none

[NYRambler]

M10 Lightning Bolt is the best.

[tedbratton]

Armadons are trained to step on things. Enemy things.

[Ivaron2]

Yeah! Last Word is my favorite :)

[reejis99]

"Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight EVERYTHING with fire."

[KALLEMARC1]

Might of Oaks "Guess where I'm gonna plant this!"

[gimlisam]

A couple of my favorites: "What am I looking at? Ashes, dead man." from Tenth edition-onwards Prodigal Pyromancer.

"Ach, Hans, run! It's the Lhurgoyf!" - Saffi Eriksdotter (do I even need to name the card?)

Also, just about anything attributed to Jaya Ballard.

[Moondevilish]

Lux Cannon "There are few problems that can't be solved by putting a hole in the world."

[popertop]

great episode

[neveSykcuL]

"Ages ago a party of elves hid to let one pass. They are still waiting"

Endless Wurm

[googlemaster6380]

"Catch!" Lava Axe anyone?

[samwise210]

"Sorry I burned down your village. Here's some gold."

[thundasc]

"I don't suppose we could teach them to throw the cursed things?' -Ivra Jursdotter

Goblin Grenade

[MrPersonPPL]

HELL YEAH "NULL ROD"!!!!!!!!

[MrPersonPPL]

OMG

[llollercoaster]

The most bad ass flavor text is by far judge promo vindicate.

[DaniusKang]

"There are some who have said there is no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead." --Jaya Ballard, Task Mage

[scionboss]

"Run away! It's an . . um . . run away!"

-Nomad sentry

Cursed Monstrosity

[SauceyMTG]

BEST TWO FLAVOR TEXTS: M12 Redirect and Hidden Gibbons

[andre3041]

goblin assasin is the best,"The more victims he kills, the more likely he is to get the right one."

[shinrenx]

(Z–>)90º – (E–N²W)90ºt = 1

[PoobahGaming]

Delver of Secrets // Insectile Abberation !!!!!

[Nightwing690]

Why in the name of fuck isn't Progenitus on here? "The soul of the world has returned"

WTF!?!

[MrFreak0r]

@Nightwing690 because the picked just funny ones and not epic texts. in my humble opinion the epic ones are way better then the "funny" shit.

[gasasmk]

"Don't laugh, it works"

Armadillo Cloak



[jakeh1569]

Primeval Titan-"When nature calls: Run"

[DichotomousDuoNB]

"I wrecked your metal guy, boss. But look I made you an ashtray."

- Goblin Welder

[Coeurebene1]

Niv Mezzet :-)

[321serna]

im going to start putting up drafting vids on my channel check em' out

[yagsnave]

Ice Age's Incinerate:

"Yes, I think 'toast' is an appropriate description."

-Jaya Ballard, Task Mage

[Kiddomike]

Fire! Aim! Ready! - Goblin War Strike

[zxb995511]

Bump in the Night-

It's not just the wind. It's not all in your head. And it's definitely something to worry about.

[TheCujoe]

Carnival of Souls and quicksilver wall

[Kelnon]

My first thought was Phyrexian Hulk as well

[peepo9000]

lol funny joke about the raging cougars

[BrawlPrincess]

Assault and battery included. - Ogre Warrior

[sithapprentic03]

I support PABLO DORITOS

[maudin8]

Skirk Prospector

"I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die." -Braids, dementia summoner

[Gustave154]

I exercise my right to bear arms - wearbear

[jamessooy]

My favorite 3

#1. Reparations:

"Sorry I burned down your village. Here's some gold."

#2. Goblin Artillery:

"So they want to kill my men? Well two can play at that game."

#3. Brainwash

"They're not your friends; they despise you. I'm the only one you can count on. Trust me."

[kojiroh30]

THUMBS UP IF YOU WANT PABLO DORITOS SHIRT .

[TheSamureye]

Firebolt

"Reach out and torch someone"



[demonted99]

"At the first sign of enemy scouts, Jula grinned and strapped on his diplomacy helmet."

I love this one as it sums up the art so well. I got a playset just because they made me laugh.

Card: Goblin Lackey (From the Vault)

[woshi15]

Where's Primeval Titan?

"When nature calls, run."

[MrKingmeplz]

Top eight Deck names IE countercat miracle grow, solar flare

[meatcube1234]

Remand is a good one

"Well, at least all of that arm-waving and arcane babbling you did was impressive."

[irwin855]

I like one from the old shocks. I once saw a goblin arguing with a lighting storm. He lost that fight pretty quickly.

[mike1313132003]

Ib Halfheart, Goblin Tactician.

Everybody but me, Charge!

[nightmarenickc2]

(PHYREXIAN HULK)

"It doesnt speake, It doesnt feel, It doesnt laugh or cry, All it does from dusk 'tilll dawn is make the soldiers die." -Oneon CHILDRENS RHYME

[pelletier1986]

Another great goblin one, Goblin Spy:

"Isn’t he on our side?”

“Yep.”

“Why’s he spyin’ on us?”

“Don’t ask.”

[MrUlysse21]

What about Mog fanatic? I got it! I got it! I got...

[MrUlysse21]

Fodder Cannon!!!

[macelol]

Sea's Claim: "Who's the crazy one now?!" - Torgle, Mountaintop Boatmaker.

[tyty6293]

Woodland Cemetery is one of my favorite and it is a newer card.

[pelletier1986]

(Before I watch the vid) I just hope the one from Wheel of Torture is there:

"I'd like to buy a bowel please."

[CmdrVimes613]

Lava Axe:

Catch!

[SpiteBellow]

on the counterspell list, I thought remand was pretty clever.

[moghlcptrplt]

Fissure

"Must not all things at the last be swallowed up in death?"

—Plato

[chronic08051]

time warp

 -lets do it again

[gibson1789]

Time Sieve

"I pray that I am never considered old or useless."

-Sharuum the Hegemon

[mtgsean]

Yeah but who uses their middle name in general conversation... TSG can cut out the "S"

[leepipesateneo]

no rest. no mercy. no matter what.

[Tyrfing0320]

Laxa Axe?

[pleravens]

You still need to do top 8 cards on the restricted list that you would love to see reprinted.

[Imaketoi1ets]

"The blazekite is a simple concept, really—just a vehicular application of dragscoop ionics and electropropulsion magnetronics."

—Juzba, Izzet tinker

Izzet cards can have pretty funny flavor texts :D

[kb39295]

Near-Death Experience will always be my favorite

[Mattgt128]

The flavor text on M10 Lightning Bolt is just poetry.

[18orolder48]

I'm actually quite fond of Progenitus' flavor text " The Soul of the World has returned."

[WeirdSchizo]

"Diametrically opposing energies in self-sealed plasmodermic bubbles make great pets" - Gelectrode. Just hilarious.

[LordTarquin13]

lux cannon

[MrBeardogs]

Dark Confidant:

"Greatness, at any cost."

[NoremacNeek]

Yet Anther AEther Vortex:

It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext"

[MorrisJoshua26]

Pablo Dorito!

[josezdimera]

the one i remember and l love was on "goblin ski patrol" - a 1/1 creature , 1R: +2/+0 and flying until end of turn, sacrifice goblin ski patrol at the end of turn

the picture was showing some suicidal purple goblins on skis. flavor text:

"AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE"

--Ib Ha;fheart, Goblin tactician

[tFGaming]

Top 8 card art, top 8 infect, top 8 creature abilities, top 8 removal, top 8 land. Any of those would be awesome.

[Pupukissa]

From newer ones, I really enjoy Negate's. "Masters of the arcane savor a delicious irony. Their study of deep and complex arcana leads to such a simple end: the ability to say merely yes or no."

[augustspace]

Borborygmos is another really good one:

"It's easy to see why those Gruul dirtbags follow him—the only orders he gives are ‘Crush them' and ‘We eat'"

—Teysa

[augustspace]

What about Lhyrogoyf

[OuroborosAnarchy]

"Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire."

—Jaya Ballard, task mage.

[Reyemile]

@OuroborosAnarchy Yup, they missed the best one.

[HllKite]

Grow crops in dirt? - Save time, eat dirt.

-Goblin Gardener

[thestormbrew]

I was hoping to see "The penis mightier than the sword." I forgot the name of the card but I remembered the flavor text.

[pelletier1986]

@thestormbrew

Isn't it on a Unhinged card? Yeah, all their flavor texts were hilarious!

[MrDcole912]

How the fuck is Carnival of Souls not number one??!

"'Davvol, blast those elves.' 'Davvol, transport those troops.' No one cares that today is my birthday."

[pkrangehit]

Canyon Minotaur is my fave;

"We'll scale these cliffs, traverse Brittle Bridge, and then fight our way down the volcanic slopes on the other side."

"Isn't the shortest route through the canyon?"

"Yes."

"So shouldn't we—"

"No."

[MrsRandomMadeMeDoIt]

Haven read almost every flavor text of all magic cards.. not only the most playable cards. like wasteland has a great flavor text. But ! Aven Augur, best flavor text of all cards. my fav. "I have seen the future. It does not include you."

[jonathanmarkte]

I would agree that they do per color. There's just too many cards with great flavor text. Considering that the guys are all laughing over the flavor texts, I'd expect them to have a lot of fun over the goblin flavor texts.

[mtg4noobs]

Raging goblin: he raged at the world, his family, his life. But mostly, he just raged.

[jwmints]

what? no goblin cards i dont believe it (i guess fodder cannon has gobins in the picture but still)

and i dont know why but i was thinking of this text during the show.

"I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them."

—Volrath

can anyone guess the card w/o cheating?

it used to be quite a popular card, and the text really fits what the card does

[jgioeli0]

@jwmints Extinction? 

[geissler91]

@jwmints massacre?

[TheGamblingApocalyps]

@jwmints

Extinction.

Tempest was a new set back when I started playing. I actually started back in Mirage, but there was no support for the game where I was at so I quit until I moved & started back up again where there was a strong scene when Tempest came out.

[skumle80]

Pacifism

"for the first time in his life, Grakk felt a little warm and fuzzy inside."

[bragents]

FORGOT PEARLED UNICORN

[jcrq7]

should do top 8 flavor text for each color, then do artifacts/lands

[Brahz]

Niv MIzzet!

[thefrozensilver]

My First Tome has epic flavor text.

[mtgforlife]

Top 8 Cube draft archetypes.

[TheGamblingApocalyps]

Smallpox from Time Spiral is delectably diabolical.

"Great losses often bring only a numb shock. To truly plunge a victim into misery, you must overwhelm him with many small sufferings."

[yokokuramaful]

Goblin Offensive

"They certainly are."

[fearB4]

The Cheese Stands Alone -

'The Meat, on the other hand, has frequent visitors.'

[free2bescottbd]

top 8 crappy cards that shouldnt be good.... but beat you.

[ragajones]

How about the following top 8s: top 8 hard to explain cards top 8 angels top 8 blocks top 8 cards that defined their set top 8 reprints top 8 art that goes with the card top 8 worst art top 8 most innovative mechanics top 8 complicated interactions top 8 artists top 8 overcosted mana cards top 8 cards that would have been amazing in a different set top 8 broken mechanics top 8 commons sorry if some of these have been done keep up the good work TSG LSV and P-doritos

[ragajones]

Razorfield Thresher

DANGER! Keep appendages clear of front of machine. And rear of machine. And side of machine. And top of machine.

[ragajones]

Enormous Baloth

Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small cities.

[thrawn5k]

Goblin Welder : "I wrecked your metal guy, boss. But look I made you an ashtray." How ironic is this in Vintage.

[1979timdog]

reparations. "sorry i burnt down your village. here's some gold!"

[Caladors]

NO disagree come on guys how can you miss So many of the goblin ones.

Like "Wizards fought for it's power, goblins fought cause it's shinny" or this one where it is driving me made trying to find the card it belongs to "Grog used to run up mountains and rage at the lightning everytime a storm came... I miss grog"

[shelwig08]

Goblin Offenisve. "Yes they certainly are."

[Princevegeta77]

rofl best video yet

[gringostew]

My two favorites...

Bloodshot Psyclops : After their first encounter, the goblins called him "Chuck."

Bad Ass : He wanders the land in search of good ass.

[darkmaster022003]

Goblin Fireslinger "A rock between your eyes hurts. A burning rock between your eyes ruins your whole day"

Incinerate "Spontaneous combustion is a myth. If you burst into flame, someone wanted you to." - Chandra Nalaar

[DrugsForRobots]

Incinerate: "Yes, I think *toast* is an appropriate description."

[t00bwatcher]

Thank you for keeping this under 15 minutes! You guys are killing me with these half-hour epics!

[StrateKraken]

Mental Misstep:

"Your first mistake was thinking I'd let you live long enough to make a second."

[Cabbagecabrera]

Quicksilver Geyser: "The Phyrexians are tenacious. That's not the same thing as clever. - Tezzeret"

[koopk1]

top 8 sideboard cards of all time

[cj2121212121]

@koopk1 Can 'grafdigger's cage' be in there? I know it's not out yet; but it just seems insane.

[sleepyredmoo]

Where's Manabarbs?

[Guaranteed2fail]

Firestorm:

"Glok loved storms He'd sit an' watch an' laugh through the whole thing. I miss him."

—Squee, goblin cabin hand

[setrataeso]

Turn to Frog: "Ribbit."

[Kmacho00]

Flavor Text: To become king of the Goblins, one must assassinate the previous king. Thus, only the most foolish seek positions of leadership.

[tsuich00i]

"Each reality is but the dream of another, and each sleeper a god unknowing."

"let their mindless armies come and face the might of Genius"

"Esper mages devised their weapons to be so devastating that war seemed unnecessary."

"We have faced horrors of war and terrors beyond imagining. We will overcome the uncertainties of this new life."

[D2RCR]

No love for Behold the Power of Destruction from Archenemy? "I'd call that a successful first test. Golem! Rearm the Doom Citadel!"

[HabaneroNinja]

Torment: "Volrath has killed me. All that remains of me is the scar!"

[rodfan316]

i will always have a soft spot for Mogg Fanatics original flavor text.

[TheGamblingApocalyps]

@rodfan316

"I got it! I got it! I—"

[kgesme21]

Ach! Hans run! It's the Lhurgoyf!

[Aassymcass]

I love Pablo Doritos. He should drive by every episode.

[dragon0466]

Standstill has the best flavor text for its effect/deck : "Take your time."

[superlazerpewpew]

Really guys? What about 7th Edition Flying Carpet "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

and old school Phyrexian Hulk, these are the first 2 cards I thought of when I saw the title of this video.

[use3to5drops]

Seriously??!!

Noggle Bridgebreaker!!!

"It's always funny till someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious."

[Suudsu2200]

Do worst flavor texts next week!

[Leonidus96]

Timely reinforcements is a good quote

[VMSAWRSMSZ006Z]

Punish Ignorance: "Amateurish. Nearsighted. A waste of my time and everyone else's"

[krommkenok]

top 8 best one drops

[WUZLE]

"If you're smaller than the anaconda, it considers you food. If you're larger than the anaconda, it considers you a lot of food. "

[ToSGod]

Fodder Cannon.

[Grunker2700]

Wave of Indifference (X target creatures can't block this turn):

"Darius?"

"Yeah?"

"There's a goblin sneaking up on you."

"So?"

"Just sayin'."

[PlatypusPlatoon]

This is probably the funniest top 8 yet!

[Gaudium91]

Top 8 worst cards.

[fishingfreak134]

Stop That: 'Now for a squirt of lemon juice.'

[PreownedFungus]

Nice Jersey TSG! Go Wings!

[kojiroh30]

I want a Pablo Doritos shirt.

[jbuckleyfan33]

My favorite will always be Wave of Indifference.

[psylum1]

Gainsay: "I'd be happy to stop contradicting you, Urza, just as soon as you start being right."

[thekorw]

My Favourite: Dream Stalker

[MrCarabide]

Jace, The Mind Sculptor:

Fuck you

[mizzoued]

7th edition Fear: Booga Booga Booga

[tbshawk]

Goblin Offensive: "They certainly are."

[RSosage2781]

8 really isn't enough to do for this list....

[RedRyanSox]

Goblin Grenade

[MrFreak0r]

thx guys for doing the flavor text top 8.

i was one of the ones who requested it :)

[andreloksos]

Armadillo Cloak:

Don't laugh it works!

[maxamaul]

PABLO DORITOS!

[Slagomancer]

Trained Armadon: "Armadon's are trained to step on things. Enemy things"

[ss4linkftw]

Cycle of flavor texts from Portal Second Age

Tidal Surge: Four little goblins, trapped by the sea. One teased a serpent, and then there were three.

Ogre Taskmaster: Three little goblins, enjoying their brew. One bumped an ogre, and then there were two.

Wild Griffin: Two little goblins, out in the sun. Down came a griffin, and then there was one.

Tremor: One little goblin shook up the ground. When the dust cleared, no one was found.

Great list too. XD

[pelletier1986]

@ss4linkftw

Wow, isn't that inspired from the "Ten Little Niggers" peom? (no offence)

Just read that book not too long ago, that's why I thought of it...

[ss4linkftw]

@pelletier1986 Hell if I know.

[ModeLTU]

There HAD to be at least one Jaya quote somewhere in there. Tho the ones you chose are pretty much spot on.

[golyx]

King Cheetah

If you find yourself and a friend being chased by a king cheetah, you have but one chance: Trip your friend. -Suq'Ata wisdom

[yeehawmckickass]

Stranglehold: "The Correct answer to a barbarian's riddle is to choke on your cleverness and die."

[blargish3]

Old Fogey: "These kids today with their collector numbers and their newfangled tap symbol. Twenty Black Lotuses and twenty Plague Rats. Now that's real Magic."

[gamegeek2]

Polo Vitor Damo da Rosa. Seems fitting for his appearance.

[gamegeek2]

How about Hunted Dragon? "The three knights saw a mighty quarry. The dragon saw breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

[guldan42]

Reparations

Sorry I burned down your village here's some gold