vol. 11 actiq diaries, d-day here come the drugs (fentanyl & methadone)

[flaopium138]

god i wish i could get some fentanyl or some opana i havnt had fentanyl patches in a little over a month and i havnt had opana in 6 months they are really the only opiates i get high off cause im on methadone 50 mg a day

[patton223]

i know what ur going thru! the worst about the withdrawals to me is how it messes with ur head! i feel sooo crazy when im in withdrawals that after about a week i am so out of it i start thinking about suicide! i can just be sitting there and out of know where ill start crying and then ill get super sad! then an hour later ill get a huge rush of excitement and ill feel like im gonna make it thru this time then a few minutes after ill be sad as hell again! and no sleep kills me too !!!

[paranrm]

I see a pain specialist and am so scared to come off of everything at once. My doc is going to place a pump.Do you know anything about those devices? I'm leary of it.

[paranrm]

I heard fentanyl is one of the worst drugs to detox from. Do you think it is true?

[Rmat124]

hey bro i hope your doing good and still sober, i myself was addicted to the actiq lolli pops ands also OC. but i am 4 months sober now. i am on suboxone and it is a miracle drug . i started at 16mg four months ago and im on 8 now with prob 4 months to go. stay strong bro its so freaking hard. harder than anyone knows. but you can stay sober hold in there man hold in there.

[Newfie4646]

i just try and stay awake for aslong as possible and i keep my mind occupied by surfing the net and talkin to random people in chat rooms lol its gettin better tho.

[mobiusstrip01]

@Newfie4646 that's funny...you try to stay awake, i try to go to sleep.

holy CRAP though...this has been the HARDEST five days in my LIFE so far. harder than the WORST w/d's ever... harder than ANYTHING, EVER. and all it is is KEEPING from doing anything about this FALKKING PAIN...the head esp, and esp. considering the FACT that a "cure' is literally inches away RIGHT NOW.

[mobiusstrip01]

newf----so how's your HEAD? you're right behind me now...and i just managed to get two hours of sleep this morning...so that's four hours in the last six days. needless to say, my head's a little bruised and battered on the inside. but hell, this is my natural condition...so i'm back to feeling. it's everything i can do to NOT take anything. EVERYTHING. newf...you do what U have to do to SLEEP--sleep is everything. if U cn sleep properly your body takes care of itself.

[Newfie4646]

@mobiusstrip01 i can manage 3 to 4 hours of sleep every second night but its a restless sleep, tossing and turning. its not bad when your used to it day in and day out. being awake. i have been dealing with no sleep since i was at 5mgs... so 6 weeks of 2 , 3 maybe 4 hours sleep per day. so im used to it. but ive been eating SO much lately and healthy stuff to. ansd ive never been one for having headaches, lucky i guess. i sneez ALOT tho. do you? i dunno but ill sneez 5 or 6 times in a row, ????

[mobiusstrip01]

@mobiusstrip01 when i say how's your head i'm really talking about your MINDSET moreso than an headaches. headaches happen to almost everyone coming down off meds at SOME point...but as you mention, if they are caused by detox you can MANAGE them by eating smart and drinking a shitload of water. headaches that are chronic and therefore independent of detox will only be intensified...as for MY sleep...i never get used to an hour a night. ever.

[Newfie4646]

my mind set is great. im trying to quit smoking cigarettes now, i quit for 6 months but i picked it up 2 months ago.... ive been planning for this, i had my set date to quit since i was at 10mgs 10 weeks ago. this time off year is a great help for my mindset aswell. its spring here and each dayy is getting hotter which gets me outside more. soon ill be looking to finding a job. you no, im just taking it one day at a time, but following my plan.on my time

[MrSaturdayNight7]

@Newfie4646 I's sneeze a lot too. Like 10-15 times in a row aswell.

[joeyd2108]

@Newfie4646 Get Trazadone.....its a harmless sleeping pill with no dependency....i only use it sometimes when im w/d'ing my back hurts like crazy and my legs are so restless....ask ur doc

[joeyflo160]

Haha, Methadone is fixing the problem with a problem , i was addicted to opiates for 5 years and on meth for 3 ive detoxed myself off meth and been off for only 5 days now it's one of the worst experience ive had i lost everything on meth even though i wasn't using nothing but the meth, it made me inpatient and snappy i hope ur doing good mobiusstrip i wish u luck this is gonna be a good support system for me..but i have a question did u eat the fentanyl patches?

[mobiusstrip01]

problem is we have to do something about the chronic pain at some point-if i ever want a semi-normal life. at some point i will be on some med for a long time...and methadone is one med they've had success with using as prophylaxis. i don't like the idea of being addicted to anything. although--hell if it makes me irritable--i already am, no bigdeal. as for the fentanyl-i used the actiq swab...like a lollipop. berry-flavored. HEY--GOODLUCK2YOU.

[Newfie4646]

@joeyflo160 well maybe you should consider the fact that the methadone didnt work for you but can still work for others. you say you lost everything to methadone because your impatience? because your snappy? i think you should do your homework before saying methadone is fixing a problem with a problem. ive bein off methadone for 6 solid day now and it has been the easiest detox i ever did. lil gut rot, and diarrhea, and insomnia. no big deal. its not the end of the world.

[phattieg]

@Newfie4646 Not an attack back on you, but that is just your experience with it. Were you ever prescribed it for years, then told to come off it. The longer it's in your body, the harder the withdrawal on it is, and the longer you have to take reducing your dose (unless you want horrible withdrawals). I was PRESCRIBED IT for 4 years by my pain doc cause he didn't believe in using Oxy's, and Vicodin, etc. It has a long half life, hence the 10 day average withdrawal if u try cold turkey.

[mobiusstrip01]

@joeyflo160 --one more thing about "fixing the problem with a problem:" just like doctors prescribe medications with SIDE EFFECTS every single day, because it's easier/healthier/better to live with those side effects than with the (whatever it is) condition in the first place. so maybe you're TECHNICALLY right, but in fact we have to MAKE such choices.  i'm not done thinking YET, but it may well be that methadone is the best i can do w/my situation (painkiller prophylaxis, etc.)

[Newfie4646]

het no problem man, i support yeah, im routing for yea. you situation is unique. its not like you are out selling stuff to get high? when i was at my worst i would of sold that laptop for cash for some oxy's in a heartbeat. but you seem to have alot of self control. and that is worthy of a pat on the back. watever you end up doing, you'll know that you are in control. your not a junky your not a thief. your in pain, your you not putting anyone out by taking them right, take care dude

[mobiusstrip01]

well newf...i have to admit this if i'm going to be fearlessly honest with myself...while i wasn't "OUT THERE" selling stuff and while i wasn't chasing the HIGH...fact remains it was just NOT my medicine, was my wife's. & while she started me out on the meds...my wife did NOT give them to me every single day (how we get addicted, right?). and it has hurt our marriage. so there IS an aspect (or two) that relates to any other addict/junkie.  am certainly ashamed about that...

[mobiusstrip01]

oh, know what, i'm not sure, but i SUSPECT if methadone can be used for pain...i wonder if subox can too. or even subutex. i know i'd be better off addiction-wise if i were on that vs. methadone. but...couldn't think of doing subox till i get back on ins...WAY too much to pay for docs visit PLUS at least $200/mo. 4 meds. whew. goddamn 500 word limit...pain in the arse for a long-winded bastard like me. funny too b/c i rarely talk during course of a normal day. HEY newf--THANKS 4 support.

[mobiusstrip01]

but yeah, soon as i talk to a doc i'ma gonna ask about a prophylaxis program for chronic pain (also have ZERO cartilage in my knees thanks to college basketball and a blown-out ACL that i didn't finish therapy on b4 playing volleyball ssn...damaged MCL & patellar tendon...can't even put my knee/leg into full extension b/c of excess scar tissue=perma-bend. YAY! oh yeah, & my torn shoulder ligaments & the old neck fracture. i'm a mess. HA. i do want to see how long i can do this though. ugh.

[mobiusstrip01]

you know...i've def. thought down that road. i want to see how long i can keep this up...but really i guess i'm just waiting for that one good headache, the one that lays me OUT...and see how freaky i get, like jonesing and whatnot. gotta wait to see a doc though--no insurance, have to pay cash. i'm in the SF(CA) bay area and i've heard we have free-ish clinics somewhere but heard they were for migrant/immigrant workers...

[Newfie4646]

you got the head aches, you can handle the meds, they help you, fuck it bro take em. at first i saw your vids i thought you should get off em, but now, your probably better off on methadone, get on a comfortable dose and just stay on it. thanks tho for posting these videos they helped me and kept me thinkin the past couple days. best of luck bro