I used to be the same exact way but then I changed kinda but I still think about food all the time. I don't think I could ever be normal again. And I get that same thought sometimes too were I'm just like I wish I was just like crazy bone thin or the opposite.
Even now I'll have times when I miss it, when I remember the hospitals and miss it SO much and want that back. Been 'out' for three years, even though I'm not completely recovered (who is?). But it makes me sad to see your videos and how much you still live in and think about the hospitals even when you're out - that used to be me. Its sad, and I'm sorry. How are you now? I hope you escape this in the end and learn you don't HAVE to be sick. Love.
- I don't like it, I hate it! But I did like it. I felt safe and taken care of and it was a way to escape everything. I had to learn to not love it anymore, or else I would keep coming back. I think you're still romanticizing and in love with treatment, as I was. When my I{ therapist died I knew I didn't ever WANT to go back - but its so easy to fall in love with treatment. But you have to learn to have an identity outside of the hospital.
It hurts a bit to watch your videos. I know this isn't your most recent - but I've been jumping around and watching bits of all of them.
Anyway, I have to say (1) I relate. So much it hurts, obviously. And because I've been through it - I can see how much you are still in love with treatment. I used to get so angry when people would tell me that 'you must like treatment if you keep coming back' - I went in and out 12 times. I'd get so angry.
i can totaly relate. i feel the same way...my world revolves around food. All i really do all day is count calories. I, ofcourse, don't eat enough, I'm always about 1,00-2,000 calories behind the norm, but i like it that way. but, it kinda sux when ur world revolves around food, because, ive been starting to notice, its one of the only things i ever think about.
so, i totaly know where ur coming from, which is why i watch ur videos, to know I'm not alone.
i'd hate having to worry about like my friends and stuff, i mean well i don't have that many that live around me but the one/ones i do have i would hate to worry them and stuff like all the time. i struggle with the same thing having to think about food. oh man its so frustrating i couldn't agree more. i hate thinking about it and freakn calories oh man. calories calories calories. ughhhh i just dont want to have to continue to hear the words like food and calories it gets so irritating!
hahah "they rate you" that was truly funny!that would make me nervous to hear what number on that scale my body would be like what they think it is, i would probably pick a number like you did for how do people see you. your feelings for wanting to go back to the hospital are totally understandable, its a safe place no one needs to worry as much because well there are people caring for you there..
ohh man how do you see yourself in the mirror? that is a ridiculously hard question for people who suffer from this because i forgot if you mentioned if you had it or not, but well i suffer as well from BDD and that makes everything like a million times worse! feeling is hard to man those are some hard questions. ideal weight, oh man i would never tell that number to like any professional because well they will be like thats not realistic you would be in a hospital for that, etc.
beaaaa! im so glad i get to talk to you more now :) i know how you feel how you just wanna feel safe it sucks in the real world! body evaluations i mean come on you gotta love those haha xox jilliannn :)
I used to be the same exact way but then I changed kinda but I still think about food all the time. I don't think I could ever be normal again. And I get that same thought sometimes too were I'm just like I wish I was just like crazy bone thin or the opposite.
MashaMaryMaria 2 years ago
ur so funny!
composer63 2 years ago
you're pretty
alannajeanC 2 years ago
oh, the CARDS.
god i forgot about those.
elisarecovery 2 years ago
Even now I'll have times when I miss it, when I remember the hospitals and miss it SO much and want that back. Been 'out' for three years, even though I'm not completely recovered (who is?). But it makes me sad to see your videos and how much you still live in and think about the hospitals even when you're out - that used to be me. Its sad, and I'm sorry. How are you now? I hope you escape this in the end and learn you don't HAVE to be sick. Love.
frizzbug 2 years ago
- I don't like it, I hate it! But I did like it. I felt safe and taken care of and it was a way to escape everything. I had to learn to not love it anymore, or else I would keep coming back. I think you're still romanticizing and in love with treatment, as I was. When my I{ therapist died I knew I didn't ever WANT to go back - but its so easy to fall in love with treatment. But you have to learn to have an identity outside of the hospital.
frizzbug 2 years ago
I hated being in the hospital.. it scared me and the people scared me I just wanted to be left alone I WAS DOING JUST FINE UNTIL THEY FUCKED WITH ME
kikikinko 2 years ago
It hurts a bit to watch your videos. I know this isn't your most recent - but I've been jumping around and watching bits of all of them.
Anyway, I have to say (1) I relate. So much it hurts, obviously. And because I've been through it - I can see how much you are still in love with treatment. I used to get so angry when people would tell me that 'you must like treatment if you keep coming back' - I went in and out 12 times. I'd get so angry.
frizzbug 2 years ago
Wow I totally understand you! I wish my friends would just STOP caring!!!!
soylocaaa 3 years ago
do widzenia:)
jule3k 3 years ago
!!! <3 polacka <3
OSnapski 3 years ago
OH. MY. GOD.
were you in Rush?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
elisarecovery 3 years ago
i can totaly relate. i feel the same way...my world revolves around food. All i really do all day is count calories. I, ofcourse, don't eat enough, I'm always about 1,00-2,000 calories behind the norm, but i like it that way. but, it kinda sux when ur world revolves around food, because, ive been starting to notice, its one of the only things i ever think about.
so, i totaly know where ur coming from, which is why i watch ur videos, to know I'm not alone.
iamspecial14 3 years ago
same thing here! which is why vacations are always a very stressful time not only for me but my family because we argue over food constantly....ughh
OSnapski 3 years ago
i'd hate having to worry about like my friends and stuff, i mean well i don't have that many that live around me but the one/ones i do have i would hate to worry them and stuff like all the time. i struggle with the same thing having to think about food. oh man its so frustrating i couldn't agree more. i hate thinking about it and freakn calories oh man. calories calories calories. ughhhh i just dont want to have to continue to hear the words like food and calories it gets so irritating!
AMFlover 3 years ago
hahah "they rate you" that was truly funny!that would make me nervous to hear what number on that scale my body would be like what they think it is, i would probably pick a number like you did for how do people see you. your feelings for wanting to go back to the hospital are totally understandable, its a safe place no one needs to worry as much because well there are people caring for you there..
AMFlover 3 years ago
ohh man how do you see yourself in the mirror? that is a ridiculously hard question for people who suffer from this because i forgot if you mentioned if you had it or not, but well i suffer as well from BDD and that makes everything like a million times worse! feeling is hard to man those are some hard questions. ideal weight, oh man i would never tell that number to like any professional because well they will be like thats not realistic you would be in a hospital for that, etc.
AMFlover 3 years ago
I totally relate to how you feel! It's so hard sometimes wanting to go back. Great vid!! =)
beautyandpain150 3 years ago
beaaaa! im so glad i get to talk to you more now :) i know how you feel how you just wanna feel safe it sucks in the real world! body evaluations i mean come on you gotta love those haha xox jilliannn :)
graystreet19 3 years ago
sheesh. going meal to meal makes the day so boring. and annoying. i'm sorry! *hug*
nikki1527 3 years ago