When people sneeze near me I say, "Hey bitch! Keep that fuckin effluvium to your damn self! Are you trying to infect the entire fuckin tri-state area!! Slovenly cunt!!!" Trust me, they'll let their head explode before they sneeze near you again. God bless!
When someone sneezes I tend to say "Bless you" even though I don't believe anymore. Damn habits, but if I don't say anything I'll look like an inconsiderate ass hole!
The only people that are more pathedic then (TRUE BELIEVES) are those that (KNOW) their is no God... The both IDIOTS We KNOW NOTHING it is always just what you wanna believe or not believe.. This comic here better not quit his day job
@davgabe atheism isn't a belief that states "we know there is no god," it's a belief that questions the existence of god and religion. BIG difference.
I like that bit about the sneeze. "There is no God so you should probably wash your hands or something." Nice. I think I'd just say gesundheit... a bit archaic but most people understand it... just means "health" in German.
Actually christianity took the world 2000 years back in progress, when fanatic christians burned every library, and every book available at that time. also thousands of people (pagans) tortured and killed becouse they were thought to be satanists! recently they discovered at vatican a few pages from a book of aristoteles that christians deleted and wrote over! only some parts of the original text (maths) recovered.scientists say if it was found earlier now we could do a trip to the stars!
All people around me are fanatic christians that make psychological war over me everyday. I am tired of hearing the words jesus god and devil on every subject! They try to convert me for years and they think that devil has confused me for being an atheist. They hate me big time But I am happy that they can't burn and torture people anymore. (the last 150 years). Yes christians are full of ''love''.
@tpstrat14 Yes, because communists are atheists so naturally all atheists are responsible for the behavior of the communists. That the church has a horrendous habit of exploiting the poor and supporting tyrants which is what put them in the communists cross hairs to begin with is irrelevant. Communists massacred many during their revolutions so atheists are bad. Of course Christians are also bad for pretty much the same reason.
@klfly Except, of course, for the fact that communists aren't/weren't atheists. Self proclaimed mystics who claim that things which exist don't, and that things which don't do.
@klfly About tpstrat14... Not to mention the CATHOLIC CHURCH with all of it's being good and everything supported fascism and nazism... And let's not forget the "Holy Crusades", the first one being so bloody that one of the historians there wrote: "And when crusaders entered the Holy City, blood ran up to the knees of the conquerors. For the Crusaders did not spare none."
@klfly Just so you know, there is a distinct difference between true communist ideology, as explained by Marx and Hegel, and the ideologies of Stalin and Mao. You shouldn't assume that just because some powerful people corrupted the original concept of Communism, that all communism is dangerous.
Just so you know I'm a Socialist, not a Communist (and there is a difference).
@klfly If you're interested, I've created my own varient of Socialism, called Technocratic-Socialism, whereby automation of the means of production is used to free up human intellect for creative activities, such as art and/or music.
Do you believe that the entire army was atheist? Stalin and Mao gave the orders, but the army was the one who did the deed. So basically if an Atheist tells a christian to go kill millions of people, and the Christians listen.....it's really the atheists fault. Shouldn't those superiour christian morals kick in and say, "Hey I probably should go kill all these people."
@tpstrat14@klfly Except, of course, for the fact that communists aren't/weren't atheists. Self proclaimed mystics who claim that things which exist don't, and that things which don't do.
@tpstrat14 well. about christianity we can talk about holocaust, inquisitions, crusaides, people kicked out of their homes, so acording to your logic christians are the worse ppl ever so dont use that argument
@tpstrat14 yes of course oh yeah except what about the inqustion? or hitler? (no he wasnt a atheist he had public prayers and frequently refrenced god in mein kmapf and his journals though he was a atheist in his teenage years and his twentys though he reconverted after that according to his journals) or the islamic radicals? also atheism isnt responsible for stalin there is a huge diffrence between killing someone becuase of your religion and killing someone and being a member of a religion
@tpstrat14 and how many people have been killed in the name of god and the church throughout the centuries? and for terrible things like independant thought, thinking the Earth was round, things like that.
@MrSkilly74 Not as many that have been killed by godless atheists (in proportion). I'm 100% sure. Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot. Need I go on? But yes, it's OK for them to to kill because they didn't do it IN THE NAME of atheism. We Americans treat our women like TOTAL shit, but it's OK, because at least we don't treat our women like total shit in the name of Allah! (I would DEFINITELY say that Muslims treat their women better than Americans.) Religion is a mediating force and a force for good, not evil.
@tpstrat14 it would take centuries to catch up to how many people the church has killed lol. religion is a tool for brainwashing and control. the church is as responsible for as much pure evil as anyone you have named. and im not sure how you treat women or what that had to with anything i said lol and dont care, you want to be muslim go ahead.
@MrSkilly74 The church essentially killed 15 or so girls in Salem, Massachussetts (witch trials), which was horrific. But I think you atheists take things like that and balloon it up to be 15 million instead of 15.... Christians' atrocities against humanity would have to go on for hundreds of thousands of years to catch up to atheism's. Or are you still holding to some belief that Stalin and Mao Zedong were not atheist? (they murdered as many as 100,000,000 innocent people)
@tpstrat14 yes, ur right, the church has killed only 15 girls lol, how misguided are you? didnt say i was atheist, i think its all nonsense. i just prefer to think for myself. religion= mind control. church = power and money...bottom line.
@MrSkilly74 Read my comment again. I didn't say the church only killed 15 people. The church is pretty messed up.... boy rape is as bad as murder in my mind. The Catholics like that.... There's some messed up stuff going on in religion, nonetheless a lack of religion or at least some type of spirituality is the worst possible. If you think naturalistic, random, meaningless evolution is all there is life, you are even more lost than Scientology.
@tpstrat14 "The church essentially killed 15 or so girls in Salem, Massachussetts (witch trials), which was horrific." read ur own comment. Im just a person who enjoys living their own life,making their own decisions without being afraid of some ridiculous notion that some higher power is up there judging me. I dont just think the Catholic religion is ridiculous, i think they all are, and they are dangerous too.
@MrSkilly74 Yes, the church did murder 15 people in Salem. But in no way, shape or form did I say that the church has ONLY killed 15 girls. It's like pulling teeth talking to some of you people. My god....
As for your comment about religion being dangerous, I'm not sure that religion is the culprit. However, the spiritual will always be persecuted by the spiritless because the spiritual see past what is on the surface and do not desire money and power. Make what you will of that...
@tpstrat14 Implying that Stalin and Mao were killing in the name of atheism. They killed because they were drunk on power and generally had some screws loose. The fact that they killed all those people has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they were atheists. Hitler was a Christian! He killed roughly 11,000,000 people in the concentration camps. Hitler and Stalin both had a moustache, so are moustaches bad now? Correlation does NOT imply causation.
@Exildeutscher True, but don't you think it might be just a LITTLE bit suspicious? Two of the very worst mass murderers of humanity considered themselves atheist? I'm sure you'd like to dissociate yourself with Stalin and Mao, but you will never. Just as I will not dissociate myself with the crusaders and so on. Hitler, though, is up for debate. He very well may have been religious. We'll never really be sure about that though... at any rate, he wasn't as bad as the atheist murderers.
@tpstrat14 It's not suspicious at all. Again, they did NOT kill in the name of atheism. It's not like they went "Oh, all of you are religious, therefore you have to die now!", unlike the people killing in the name of their faith, e.g. Muslim terrorists in the most recent past, as well as Christian hardliners. Just look at Northern Ireland for example where simply belonging to a certain religious group, Protestant or Catholic, could/can get you killed.
@tpstrat14 As for Hitler, that is not debatable. The Vatican might have distanced themselves from Hitler but the fact that he was religious and that he had the backing of the Church (of course there were some who opposed) is a fact. Any history book can tell you that, as well as Hitler in his own words in Mein Kampf. He saw himself as doing the Lord's work in exterminating the Jews.
I'm atheist too, all I say when people sneeze is 'gesundheit' cause it literally means something along the lines of "go in good health" no religious meaning, just hoping someone leads a healthy life.
Dude I got in trouble at school for wearing a shirt that said Atheists unite! But what I can't figure out is why other people can wear shirts of church names and they don't get in trouble
@Darbcoproductions That shows you how dumb humanity had become due to religion. We have to throw away common sense and critical thinking to avoid hurting stupid people feelings
@Darbcoproductions Dude, move into Finland!! Officially West-Finland is catholic but almost no-one belives in god and we accept ANY RELIGION ANYWHERE!!! You can even walk into a CHURCH wearing wearing a shirt reading "satan" in burning letters and nobody cares.
If you cant laugh at it, you cant take it seriously; annoyance and fear its of its degradation means you perceive a vulnerability. True faith comes without fear, so its funny too. The last thing higher spiritual beings want is for anyone to have a strop about their existence, so keep the jokes coming! From a relaxed believer.
Isn't that an oxymoron? I agree with some of what you were saying though. Part of the reasons I left Islam was b/c i thought all the threats of hell and damnation were just outright mischievous.
Almost too easy. Mormonism is particularly whacked because they can't hide their founder in the fog of history. We have excellent records of just what a nut-ball he was.
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I never said my band is big or succesful. My point was directed at your claim to have moved on to paying audiences. i thought you needed to know that i too play in front of paying audiences all the time. In fact my point would have more power if my bnd was crap. because that would make you're claim to be playin in front of paying audiences no big deal.
Dargler, You came in here behaving rudely, by your own admission. You already apologized. Now you're calling names and changing subjects to shift your personal attack every time I address your prior attack.
If I keep it up long enough do you apologize again and then start over?
Sorry, but I have better things to do with my time. Enjoy your life and your fans.
Dargler, after reading your arguments, i have at a conclusion that you have not matured, intellectually. You should be more OPEN to ideas. How can you say that he is mocking you or your religion? He mentioned my religion, i just took it as though he had too little understanding of my religion, not a big deal. I get such "under"-understanding all the time from people outside my religion ( if you understand what i'm saying ) Do you have to be so narrow-minded and sensitive?
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"final warning" ? what happens after that? should i be scared? are you going to mock me if i carry on ? haha i don't think you have anything to offer in the way of enforcing your "final warning" because youll hve to do better than "ban me"
Oh and one more thing.... "morman" "mormon" it doesn't matter they are nick names not technical terms! it's actually spelt like this "The church of jesus christ of latter day saints" Hey.... you should "go google that"
No reason to be scared, nor was that my intent. I was just being fair and telling you that I would feel it necessary to block you if you continued to ignore my request that you not write to me directly.
I appreciate you keeping our comments here.
Funny that you came back and apologized for behaving so obnoxiously and have now gone right back to it.
Hilarious that you've pulled the video I insulted. How insecure are you?
Riotously funny that you claim you're in a big successful band.
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You know something..... Grow up... I'm 16....I am allowed to make silly arguements...seriouly...if you feel the need to have an argument with a 16 year old kid then you're the insecure one... honestly.... i have no interest in this becoming personal but... you're a jerk... get over yourself.
you're a morman? I hope your joking... i really do! because i don't care if you thik you are or not im telling you that honestly... you aren't! any real morman would tell you that your jokes about religion aren't funny to them!
My brother! aged just 18 i on a mission! it cost him in the region of 8000 pounds! english sterling....thats alot of you're dollers! he is currently in germany sharing his message! and for someone like you to think even "friendly" jokes on the subject matter are acceptable i think need his message more than most !
It really does not matter if you beliieve or not... but just like you request i respect you... i am requesting that you respect him and others like him.
It is interesting you should request that i "respect and understand" that you wonna have this discussion publicly... i think you should think about these words when talking about religion... i take offence to the jokes about missionaries... Young men who take two years out of their lives to help people such as yourself who they believe are at a great loss because you don't have the knowledge they have! They do this for free and save most of their live to afford it.
Check Bengt Washburn or Emmett Montgomery. Two friends of mine who did their missions and who have performed with me, NOT finding my material objectionable.
Seriously check them out, please, mostly because as a Mormon I think you'd really enjoy them. They are GREAT comics.
You have made some good points... and i admit perhaps i went about thing the wrong way.. however dont compare yourself to me.. i still feel that memorising some jokes is mandatory before an performance just as when i learn a new skill i don't perform it until i am at a certain standerd... that standerd would include memorising lyrics and sheet music!
however as you correctly pointed out my real issue was with your material...
As an after thought Do you think I have got to where i am without doing shows designed for up and comin bands? Not at all in fact... we headline shows giving up and coming bands oppertunitys to play in front of audiences... but seriously... Non of thm ever read lyrics of a sheet ... You might be developing you talent of being a comic.. but I honestly can't see why you couldn't have taken the time to memorise your material.. Even the most ameture of bands can remember their own lyrics
This was a small showcase in my home town where it was announced to the audience that we were doing a lot of new material. When I've opened for Norm Macdonald or Russell Peters I did not use notes.
Look how defensive you've gotten after YOU came here talking shit on me.
Playin' cover songs with no audience? Get a job you're good at!
Or maybe we're both still developing our talent. Maybe this clip was from a show especially booked for developing new material. Maybe it even says so in the description.
Maybe you just acted like a complete prick to a total stranger.
Anyway, I've moved on to doing shows without notes at venues throughout the west coast in front of paying audiences. How you doin'?
Your clearly a douche! Accoutic is new to meI headline shows with my band in manchester all the time... I am the lead guitarist and lead singer... And honestly... whats that about "in front of paying audiences" haha you seriously think thats like... an achievment? you think the shows we ell out are free? haha like i said... douche!
Dargler, You came here specifically to insult me based on the notes in this video and I just pointed out that I cold do the same based on yours. You're new to acoustic, great, that just proves my point, you were developing that talent. I was new to these jokes. It was you who behaved pugnaciously and I merely defended myself.
lol i just started watching these today and i love em lol they sound so similar to the jokes i'm telling my friends in the morning when we're waiting for class to start only a little more thought out
How long have you been doing that atheist sneezing bit? Because Dane Cook did it on his 2006 show Vicious Circle.He sucks but he seems to have good taste in which comedians he watches and steals from (Louis CK,Doug Stanhope,Demetri Martin etc) so maybe he saw your bit and stole the joke from you.
Ahh,fair enough.Yeah with so many comedians out there there's bound to be some overlap.I just thought given his reputation that there might be something to it.I certainly woudn't put it past him.
I sit there and toy with them for a while and tell them about how them telling people there's a lot of hate in the world makes them paranoid, and they then hate people. I then inform them that i love everyone around me, and am a big proponent of love and peace in the name of Jesus. I usually then have my friend yell something like "MAKE HIM UNTIE ME!" and then I make a face and shut the door. It's fucking hilariousssssss.
I invented a new gig for myself. It's called door to door standup comedy. When I got out there doing it, though, I found there was too much competition from the Jehova's witnesses.
Funny stuff. Love the sneeze. The number of people in my work that sneeze around me, you might think these people really need to see an allergy specialist. A room full of people and every one of them sneezes at least a couple of times. I usually give them the gasundheit. Better still, I've actually had a family member ask if you're not religious why say bless you in German? Ahhhh, yet another assumption, gasundheit must be some kind of blessing as opposed to a polite blow nose & wash your hands.
Thanks. Yeah, that is funny that would naturally assume that the Germans too are worried that their souls maybe escaping through their noses. Snot is like soul glue.
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I see a whole lot to ______ in the Universe and like to have my eyes on the prize. This does not negate your karma dharma whatever.
There's plenty of evidence that this is an amazingly wonderful place beyond words.
So I call it Sacred. It's a choice of attention. We can correctly state that there're really terrible frightening things or things devoid of deep meaning. Or we can focus intention on deep meaning and mirth
atheism + spiritual enlightenment and experiences of deep unity = supergood
So you interpret the evidence according to your need of purpose? You don't seem to present evidence instead just pointing out how it is better to believe as you do, more enjoyable. Not good logic in my humble opinion.
I intend Goodness. I intend healthy food. I intend intelligent discourse. I intend fundamental peace.
These are not as part of some faith in a Puppet or in an external concept called "Jesus" or God.
I am not interested in debating past cause.
Not believing in at least one creator of the universe makes no sense since there is plenty of evidence of creation in the universe (not necessarily "creationism")
I don't "disbelieve in the infinite." I don't where you got that.
My point still stands. You critique atheism based on your thinking that it lacks purpose. I don't make decisions about what I believe or how interpret the world/universe based on my desire for purpose. I simply look at the evidence and I except that some equations are as of yet incomplete.
I just go ahead and say 'Bless you'. It requires no answer and you can just get on with things. I might say 'You OK?', but that requires a follow up like 'Have you seen a doctor?' 'Bless you' is much more economical.
Youtube commenters really need to brush up on there sentence structure skills.
You can't write like a 5 year old and expect to be taken seriously.
"The both IDIOTS We KNOW NOTHING"
What the fuck does that mean? It doesn't even resemble the English language.
NoWitnessesNoRegrets 5 months ago
When people sneeze near me I say, "Hey bitch! Keep that fuckin effluvium to your damn self! Are you trying to infect the entire fuckin tri-state area!! Slovenly cunt!!!" Trust me, they'll let their head explode before they sneeze near you again. God bless!
fdasherv 6 months ago
When someone sneezes I tend to say "Bless you" even though I don't believe anymore. Damn habits, but if I don't say anything I'll look like an inconsiderate ass hole!
Balstar5283 9 months ago
@Balstar5283 "gesundheit" works.. or as they seem to say in the US gazoontight. IT just means 'good health'.
jimbobeire 8 months ago
@Balstar5283 When someone says that to me I say "No Thanks."
fordtruxdad 8 months ago
This guy's still in my top 5 comedians. keep it up mate
20012607 9 months ago
The only people that are more pathedic then (TRUE BELIEVES) are those that (KNOW) their is no God... The both IDIOTS We KNOW NOTHING it is always just what you wanna believe or not believe.. This comic here better not quit his day job
davgabe 9 months ago
@davgabe Posting the same thing on multiple videos qualifies as spamming and will get you blocked. Fair warning.
klfly 9 months ago 6
@davgabe Also, the word is "pathetic".
klfly 9 months ago 7
@klfly And he used the wrong than if you want to get really picky
tangles01 8 months ago
@davgabe atheism isn't a belief that states "we know there is no god," it's a belief that questions the existence of god and religion. BIG difference.
pwnmaster9 6 months ago
@pwnmaster9 I believe the word you're looking for is agnosticism.
deini 6 months ago
@davgabe it's pathetic, it's there is no god, not their. The both idiots should be "both forms of idiots" .
It's ironic to hear you talk about guys being an idiot....
Lucasson112 5 months ago
LOL!
windwalker1313 10 months ago
I don't see why there's a need to say anything when I person sneezes. Imagine if you had to say something polite every time someone farted.
hoffness 10 months ago
SUBBED. :)
321seb 11 months ago
I like that bit about the sneeze. "There is no God so you should probably wash your hands or something." Nice. I think I'd just say gesundheit... a bit archaic but most people understand it... just means "health" in German.
Mirkwoods 11 months ago
LMAO this is very funny!!!
fevertotell00 1 year ago
Actually christianity took the world 2000 years back in progress, when fanatic christians burned every library, and every book available at that time. also thousands of people (pagans) tortured and killed becouse they were thought to be satanists! recently they discovered at vatican a few pages from a book of aristoteles that christians deleted and wrote over! only some parts of the original text (maths) recovered.scientists say if it was found earlier now we could do a trip to the stars!
HASHEAVEN 1 year ago
@HASHEAVEN they burned anything that had to do with islam or any other religion at the time, and they tried to destroyed science, math, astronomy...
903harman 1 year ago
All people around me are fanatic christians that make psychological war over me everyday. I am tired of hearing the words jesus god and devil on every subject! They try to convert me for years and they think that devil has confused me for being an atheist. They hate me big time But I am happy that they can't burn and torture people anymore. (the last 150 years). Yes christians are full of ''love''.
HASHEAVEN 1 year ago
SOS sleeping(in) on Sunday
I like that.
canesrule96 1 year ago
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Atheists don't knock on your door and bother you, but they do kill you and your entire family (stalin and mao)
tpstrat14 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 Yes, because communists are atheists so naturally all atheists are responsible for the behavior of the communists. That the church has a horrendous habit of exploiting the poor and supporting tyrants which is what put them in the communists cross hairs to begin with is irrelevant. Communists massacred many during their revolutions so atheists are bad. Of course Christians are also bad for pretty much the same reason.
klfly 1 year ago 26
@klfly Except, of course, for the fact that communists aren't/weren't atheists. Self proclaimed mystics who claim that things which exist don't, and that things which don't do.
manofoss 1 year ago
@klfly About tpstrat14... Not to mention the CATHOLIC CHURCH with all of it's being good and everything supported fascism and nazism... And let's not forget the "Holy Crusades", the first one being so bloody that one of the historians there wrote: "And when crusaders entered the Holy City, blood ran up to the knees of the conquerors. For the Crusaders did not spare none."
WithinTemptaionRULES 1 year ago
@klfly Just so you know, there is a distinct difference between true communist ideology, as explained by Marx and Hegel, and the ideologies of Stalin and Mao. You shouldn't assume that just because some powerful people corrupted the original concept of Communism, that all communism is dangerous.
Just so you know I'm a Socialist, not a Communist (and there is a difference).
neodarlek 8 months ago
@neodarlek I was replying sarcastically to an idiot. I may self am a socialist so I quite dig what you're saying. :D
klfly 8 months ago
@klfly If you're interested, I've created my own varient of Socialism, called Technocratic-Socialism, whereby automation of the means of production is used to free up human intellect for creative activities, such as art and/or music.
neodarlek 7 months ago
@klfly r u high?
johnnythesailorman 6 months ago
@johnnythesailorman No. You?
klfly 6 months ago
@klfly I am now. B-)
johnnythesailorman 6 months ago
@tpstrat14
Do you believe that the entire army was atheist? Stalin and Mao gave the orders, but the army was the one who did the deed. So basically if an Atheist tells a christian to go kill millions of people, and the Christians listen.....it's really the atheists fault. Shouldn't those superiour christian morals kick in and say, "Hey I probably should go kill all these people."
Look forward to your response.
TheWhiteRabbit1990 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 You're a complete idiot.
jethrodassam 1 year ago
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@tpstrat14 @klfly Except, of course, for the fact that communists aren't/weren't atheists. Self proclaimed mystics who claim that things which exist don't, and that things which don't do.
manofoss 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 well. about christianity we can talk about holocaust, inquisitions, crusaides, people kicked out of their homes, so acording to your logic christians are the worse ppl ever so dont use that argument
TheArutnev 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 I see, another ignorant that use Stalin and Mao. Why don't you look at your self in the mirror.
036hugo 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 yes of course oh yeah except what about the inqustion? or hitler? (no he wasnt a atheist he had public prayers and frequently refrenced god in mein kmapf and his journals though he was a atheist in his teenage years and his twentys though he reconverted after that according to his journals) or the islamic radicals? also atheism isnt responsible for stalin there is a huge diffrence between killing someone becuase of your religion and killing someone and being a member of a religion
lonewolfM16 1 year ago
@tpstrat14 and how many people have been killed in the name of god and the church throughout the centuries? and for terrible things like independant thought, thinking the Earth was round, things like that.
MrSkilly74 10 months ago
@MrSkilly74 Not as many that have been killed by godless atheists (in proportion). I'm 100% sure. Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot. Need I go on? But yes, it's OK for them to to kill because they didn't do it IN THE NAME of atheism. We Americans treat our women like TOTAL shit, but it's OK, because at least we don't treat our women like total shit in the name of Allah! (I would DEFINITELY say that Muslims treat their women better than Americans.) Religion is a mediating force and a force for good, not evil.
tpstrat14 10 months ago
@tpstrat14 it would take centuries to catch up to how many people the church has killed lol. religion is a tool for brainwashing and control. the church is as responsible for as much pure evil as anyone you have named. and im not sure how you treat women or what that had to with anything i said lol and dont care, you want to be muslim go ahead.
MrSkilly74 10 months ago
@MrSkilly74 The church essentially killed 15 or so girls in Salem, Massachussetts (witch trials), which was horrific. But I think you atheists take things like that and balloon it up to be 15 million instead of 15.... Christians' atrocities against humanity would have to go on for hundreds of thousands of years to catch up to atheism's. Or are you still holding to some belief that Stalin and Mao Zedong were not atheist? (they murdered as many as 100,000,000 innocent people)
tpstrat14 10 months ago
@tpstrat14 yes, ur right, the church has killed only 15 girls lol, how misguided are you? didnt say i was atheist, i think its all nonsense. i just prefer to think for myself. religion= mind control. church = power and money...bottom line.
MrSkilly74 10 months ago
@MrSkilly74 Read my comment again. I didn't say the church only killed 15 people. The church is pretty messed up.... boy rape is as bad as murder in my mind. The Catholics like that.... There's some messed up stuff going on in religion, nonetheless a lack of religion or at least some type of spirituality is the worst possible. If you think naturalistic, random, meaningless evolution is all there is life, you are even more lost than Scientology.
tpstrat14 10 months ago
@tpstrat14 "The church essentially killed 15 or so girls in Salem, Massachussetts (witch trials), which was horrific." read ur own comment. Im just a person who enjoys living their own life,making their own decisions without being afraid of some ridiculous notion that some higher power is up there judging me. I dont just think the Catholic religion is ridiculous, i think they all are, and they are dangerous too.
MrSkilly74 10 months ago
@MrSkilly74 Yes, the church did murder 15 people in Salem. But in no way, shape or form did I say that the church has ONLY killed 15 girls. It's like pulling teeth talking to some of you people. My god....
As for your comment about religion being dangerous, I'm not sure that religion is the culprit. However, the spiritual will always be persecuted by the spiritless because the spiritual see past what is on the surface and do not desire money and power. Make what you will of that...
tpstrat14 10 months ago
@tpstrat14 Implying that Stalin and Mao were killing in the name of atheism. They killed because they were drunk on power and generally had some screws loose. The fact that they killed all those people has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they were atheists. Hitler was a Christian! He killed roughly 11,000,000 people in the concentration camps. Hitler and Stalin both had a moustache, so are moustaches bad now? Correlation does NOT imply causation.
Exildeutscher 9 months ago
@Exildeutscher True, but don't you think it might be just a LITTLE bit suspicious? Two of the very worst mass murderers of humanity considered themselves atheist? I'm sure you'd like to dissociate yourself with Stalin and Mao, but you will never. Just as I will not dissociate myself with the crusaders and so on. Hitler, though, is up for debate. He very well may have been religious. We'll never really be sure about that though... at any rate, he wasn't as bad as the atheist murderers.
tpstrat14 9 months ago
@tpstrat14 It's not suspicious at all. Again, they did NOT kill in the name of atheism. It's not like they went "Oh, all of you are religious, therefore you have to die now!", unlike the people killing in the name of their faith, e.g. Muslim terrorists in the most recent past, as well as Christian hardliners. Just look at Northern Ireland for example where simply belonging to a certain religious group, Protestant or Catholic, could/can get you killed.
Exildeutscher 9 months ago
@tpstrat14 As for Hitler, that is not debatable. The Vatican might have distanced themselves from Hitler but the fact that he was religious and that he had the backing of the Church (of course there were some who opposed) is a fact. Any history book can tell you that, as well as Hitler in his own words in Mein Kampf. He saw himself as doing the Lord's work in exterminating the Jews.
Exildeutscher 9 months ago
You look like Will Ferrel and Keanu Reeves.
OBEYtheMUSIKK 1 year ago
@OBEYtheMUSIKK I've heard Will Ferrel many times. Never heard Keanu before.
klfly 1 year ago
@OBEYtheMUSIKK I promise you do! haha take it how you want, I'm a guy so I wouldn't really be able to tell you if its a good thing. Also, nice jokes!
OBEYtheMUSIKK 1 year ago
I'm atheist too, all I say when people sneeze is 'gesundheit' cause it literally means something along the lines of "go in good health" no religious meaning, just hoping someone leads a healthy life.
firedevin 1 year ago
i just got finished watching "goofing on religion" then watched this, and i have but one word for you...
SUBBED!
MrRDuggs 1 year ago 4
@MrRDuggs Thanks! Lots more to be found. :D
klfly 1 year ago
Dude I got in trouble at school for wearing a shirt that said Atheists unite! But what I can't figure out is why other people can wear shirts of church names and they don't get in trouble
Darbcoproductions 1 year ago 17
@Darbcoproductions Yeah, that's some bullshit.
klfly 1 year ago 14
@Darbcoproductions That shows you how dumb humanity had become due to religion. We have to throw away common sense and critical thinking to avoid hurting stupid people feelings
036hugo 1 year ago
@Darbcoproductions Dude, move into Finland!! Officially West-Finland is catholic but almost no-one belives in god and we accept ANY RELIGION ANYWHERE!!! You can even walk into a CHURCH wearing wearing a shirt reading "satan" in burning letters and nobody cares.
mestarilapsi 1 year ago
@Darbcoproductions Just keep it on.
yuo252 9 months ago
If you cant laugh at it, you cant take it seriously; annoyance and fear its of its degradation means you perceive a vulnerability. True faith comes without fear, so its funny too. The last thing higher spiritual beings want is for anyone to have a strop about their existence, so keep the jokes coming! From a relaxed believer.
matt10matt10matt10 2 years ago 4
@matt10matt10matt10
"True faith?"
Isn't that an oxymoron? I agree with some of what you were saying though. Part of the reasons I left Islam was b/c i thought all the threats of hell and damnation were just outright mischievous.
Mrmoc7 2 years ago
I usually don't understand knock knock jokes but that was the best i've ever heard:)
lilmarome 2 years ago 3
itf funny because its true hahahahahahah :D
Atheism win!
bestialroar 2 years ago 13
This comment has received too many negative votes show
no win
naakagay 2 years ago
klffy, I would ignore this guy if I were you, he'll just keep trolling, and trolling, and trolling.
Or, better yet, write more jokes about Mor(m)ons.
ross817 2 years ago 7
Almost too easy. Mormonism is particularly whacked because they can't hide their founder in the fog of history. We have excellent records of just what a nut-ball he was.
klfly 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I never said my band is big or succesful. My point was directed at your claim to have moved on to paying audiences. i thought you needed to know that i too play in front of paying audiences all the time. In fact my point would have more power if my bnd was crap. because that would make you're claim to be playin in front of paying audiences no big deal.
dargler 2 years ago
I would think that playing in front of paying audiences all the time and having fans would portray an artist as successful.
I'm starting to doubt the sincerity of your apology Dargler as you've not altered your obnoxious behavior one bit.
klfly 2 years ago
haha you can't have a sensible discussion can you? do you live your life by mocking people who get in your way!?
dargler 2 years ago
Dargler, You came in here behaving rudely, by your own admission. You already apologized. Now you're calling names and changing subjects to shift your personal attack every time I address your prior attack.
If I keep it up long enough do you apologize again and then start over?
Sorry, but I have better things to do with my time. Enjoy your life and your fans.
klfly 2 years ago
Dude you're going against a comedian in a battle of wits. Thats like urkel trying to give mike tyson a wedgie.
johnnythesailorman 2 years ago 32
@johnnythesailorman you have to admit, we'd all pay to witness it.
neodarlek 6 months ago
@dargler He's a comedian. that kind of thing is in his job description.
HighFlyActionGuy 1 year ago
Dargler, after reading your arguments, i have at a conclusion that you have not matured, intellectually. You should be more OPEN to ideas. How can you say that he is mocking you or your religion? He mentioned my religion, i just took it as though he had too little understanding of my religion, not a big deal. I get such "under"-understanding all the time from people outside my religion ( if you understand what i'm saying ) Do you have to be so narrow-minded and sensitive?
JoGenJG 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
"final warning" ? what happens after that? should i be scared? are you going to mock me if i carry on ? haha i don't think you have anything to offer in the way of enforcing your "final warning" because youll hve to do better than "ban me"
Oh and one more thing.... "morman" "mormon" it doesn't matter they are nick names not technical terms! it's actually spelt like this "The church of jesus christ of latter day saints" Hey.... you should "go google that"
dargler 2 years ago
No reason to be scared, nor was that my intent. I was just being fair and telling you that I would feel it necessary to block you if you continued to ignore my request that you not write to me directly.
I appreciate you keeping our comments here.
Funny that you came back and apologized for behaving so obnoxiously and have now gone right back to it.
Hilarious that you've pulled the video I insulted. How insecure are you?
Riotously funny that you claim you're in a big successful band.
klfly 2 years ago
Pat is a nickname also but I'm guessing people named Patrick know how to spell it.
klfly 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
You know something..... Grow up... I'm 16....I am allowed to make silly arguements...seriouly...if you feel the need to have an argument with a 16 year old kid then you're the insecure one... honestly.... i have no interest in this becoming personal but... you're a jerk... get over yourself.
dargler 2 years ago
I showed you the respect of talking to you the same as I might an adult. 16 is not so young. I'm glad you see that you're argument is silly.
Are you suggesting I adjust my speech to talk to you like a child? Dargler, you're being very naughty. Now be a good boy and you may have a cookie.
Speaking of growing up, if you're mature enough to participate in this forum show it by knocking off the name calling.
And again, please remember who came to whom being pugnacious and picking a fight.
klfly 2 years ago
I'm 15 and I've been arguing more clearly than you since I was 12. If you're gonna troll, do it well. Dumbshit...
ziggo3 2 years ago 5
you're a morman? I hope your joking... i really do! because i don't care if you thik you are or not im telling you that honestly... you aren't! any real morman would tell you that your jokes about religion aren't funny to them!
dargler 2 years ago
No, I never said that. My brother is a minister, not a Mormon minister.
And if YOU are really a Mormon, why do you spell it wrong? That is strange for a Mormon to spell Mormon wrong?
Also, can you please use the reply feature?
klfly 2 years ago
You came in here being an obnoxious jerk. You've apologized but now you're just repeating that my jokes disrespect Mormons. Oh well.
This conversation offers me nothing so I'm gonna drop out of it. See ya..
klfly 2 years ago
My brother! aged just 18 i on a mission! it cost him in the region of 8000 pounds! english sterling....thats alot of you're dollers! he is currently in germany sharing his message! and for someone like you to think even "friendly" jokes on the subject matter are acceptable i think need his message more than most !
It really does not matter if you beliieve or not... but just like you request i respect you... i am requesting that you respect him and others like him.
dargler 2 years ago
If you think that someone making fun of you is disrespect than you should stay as far from stand up comedy as possible.
My brother is a minister. He loves my jokes. Now go google bengt washburn and lets move on to friendlier turf.
klfly 2 years ago
It is interesting you should request that i "respect and understand" that you wonna have this discussion publicly... i think you should think about these words when talking about religion... i take offence to the jokes about missionaries... Young men who take two years out of their lives to help people such as yourself who they believe are at a great loss because you don't have the knowledge they have! They do this for free and save most of their live to afford it.
dargler 2 years ago
Check Bengt Washburn or Emmett Montgomery. Two friends of mine who did their missions and who have performed with me, NOT finding my material objectionable.
Seriously check them out, please, mostly because as a Mormon I think you'd really enjoy them. They are GREAT comics.
klfly 2 years ago
You have made some good points... and i admit perhaps i went about thing the wrong way.. however dont compare yourself to me.. i still feel that memorising some jokes is mandatory before an performance just as when i learn a new skill i don't perform it until i am at a certain standerd... that standerd would include memorising lyrics and sheet music!
however as you correctly pointed out my real issue was with your material...
dargler 2 years ago
2:06...
Dane cook joke. Still fuckin funny cause i heard you say it first. :D
AraMyth0728 2 years ago
As an after thought Do you think I have got to where i am without doing shows designed for up and comin bands? Not at all in fact... we headline shows giving up and coming bands oppertunitys to play in front of audiences... but seriously... Non of thm ever read lyrics of a sheet ... You might be developing you talent of being a comic.. but I honestly can't see why you couldn't have taken the time to memorise your material.. Even the most ameture of bands can remember their own lyrics
dargler 2 years ago
This was a small showcase in my home town where it was announced to the audience that we were doing a lot of new material. When I've opened for Norm Macdonald or Russell Peters I did not use notes.
Look how defensive you've gotten after YOU came here talking shit on me.
klfly 2 years ago
readin of a script? get a job you're good at!
dargler 2 years ago
Playin' cover songs with no audience? Get a job you're good at!
Or maybe we're both still developing our talent. Maybe this clip was from a show especially booked for developing new material. Maybe it even says so in the description.
Maybe you just acted like a complete prick to a total stranger.
Anyway, I've moved on to doing shows without notes at venues throughout the west coast in front of paying audiences. How you doin'?
Rock on.
klfly 2 years ago
Your clearly a douche! Accoutic is new to meI headline shows with my band in manchester all the time... I am the lead guitarist and lead singer... And honestly... whats that about "in front of paying audiences" haha you seriously think thats like... an achievment? you think the shows we ell out are free? haha like i said... douche!
dargler 2 years ago
Dargler, You came here specifically to insult me based on the notes in this video and I just pointed out that I cold do the same based on yours. You're new to acoustic, great, that just proves my point, you were developing that talent. I was new to these jokes. It was you who behaved pugnaciously and I merely defended myself.
klfly 2 years ago
Great stuff.
Comedy is the best form of critism.
Religious people are nuts. I love winding them up.
07979683410 2 years ago 8
lol i just started watching these today and i love em lol they sound so similar to the jokes i'm telling my friends in the morning when we're waiting for class to start only a little more thought out
tkmccampbell 2 years ago 2
LMAO.. you are the man!
nx2overide 3 years ago
Ah thanks. I'm gonna put some newer clips up soon. I have a friend editing 'em.
klfly 3 years ago
absolutely wonderful! i'm sorry i haven't run across your videos until today(i was lost, but now i'm saved)
THEREIZNOGOD 3 years ago 2
Thanks. You made my morning. I will have more performance clips up soon.
klfly 3 years ago
Funny!! Thanks for the laughs...keep it up!
joyville2 3 years ago 2
Thank you. I will. :)
klfly 3 years ago
I suppose I'm a lucky one in my group of friends, I have like 5ish atheist friends.
Great work, keep it up. =D
Aeth666 3 years ago 2
5is? Does one of them keep vacillating?
Thanks for the comment. I'm glad you like the vids and I will keep putting up more, as long as people keep digging them. :)
klfly 3 years ago
Yeah, 5ish. One of 'em is I'm not totally sure about, but he's a smart one. =)
Aeth666 3 years ago
well, I'll keep him in my prayers. ;)
klfly 3 years ago
lol i just got a comment from a famous person. thats cool dude. keep it up man comedy seems to be reaching the masses easier than cnn ever could.
darthstinky 3 years ago
Who was this famous person?
klfly 3 years ago
um i think it was you.
darthstinky 3 years ago
Ha ha.
I'm famous! Right on.
klfly 3 years ago
How long have you been doing that atheist sneezing bit? Because Dane Cook did it on his 2006 show Vicious Circle.He sucks but he seems to have good taste in which comedians he watches and steals from (Louis CK,Doug Stanhope,Demetri Martin etc) so maybe he saw your bit and stole the joke from you.
AndySiner 3 years ago
Ha ha. No, I've seen Cook's and I think he was doing it before me. It often happens that the same peculiarity will occur to more than one comic.
The perspective is flipped and I'm satisfied that I have something original to say with it so after seeing his I decided I'm still keeping mine.
klfly 3 years ago
Ahh,fair enough.Yeah with so many comedians out there there's bound to be some overlap.I just thought given his reputation that there might be something to it.I certainly woudn't put it past him.
AndySiner 3 years ago
Totally. The Louis CK stuff is pretty blatant.
klfly 3 years ago
Yeah it's almost verbatim.He could've at least tried to change it up a little bit to make it look more like a coincidence if he was caught.
AndySiner 3 years ago
"oh hi, good morning. you can.. huh.. go back to bed"
amazing, i loved it!
greatriver 3 years ago
:) Thanks. Gonna go out and try it?
klfly 3 years ago
now that you suggest it, i might :)
greatriver 3 years ago
just tell em when they come to the door that your an atheist. they leave realy fast. or maybe im just a prick.
darthstinky 3 years ago
That does tend to work for me, but it is possible that we're BOTH pricks. :)
klfly 3 years ago
I sit there and toy with them for a while and tell them about how them telling people there's a lot of hate in the world makes them paranoid, and they then hate people. I then inform them that i love everyone around me, and am a big proponent of love and peace in the name of Jesus. I usually then have my friend yell something like "MAKE HIM UNTIE ME!" and then I make a face and shut the door. It's fucking hilariousssssss.
ziggo3 2 years ago
you need to come to Chicago!!
Shadoweaver111 3 years ago
I would love to. Hopefully it will happen soon. :)
klfly 3 years ago
"We dig science, even when we're NOT sick!"
Love it.
Mathenaut 3 years ago
Thanks. :) I should print up bumper stickers.
klfly 3 years ago
haha this is some great stuff:) im also "the athiest" with my friends and i always say
at least i dont have to wake up on sunday to sing songs and hold hands!
cellebellejelle 3 years ago
:) Isn't it great?!
tutuberoo 3 years ago
Lol, this is great and again so true!!!
sacchettosporcizia 3 years ago
Thank you.:)
klfly 3 years ago
I invented a new gig for myself. It's called door to door standup comedy. When I got out there doing it, though, I found there was too much competition from the Jehova's witnesses.
bimmjim 3 years ago 6
Shit, I might have to try that.
klfly 3 years ago
...I'm the "Athiest" in alot of people's lives too!...
yer pal,
Crappy The Clown..."Clown Prince of Darkness"
crappytheclown 3 years ago
I like the material but I have seen him more at ease with it.
He seems a little out pace. I don't know if you see what I mean?
But I sure could stand for some more ! :)
Falloutmoon 3 years ago 2
Hahaha. You're good. And the jokes are pretty true.
PunksOnThinIce 3 years ago 3
you are a horrible comedian who is un educated about life in general, God is here, God is there, God is watching you everywhere
duston716 3 years ago
When your critique is coupled with insane ramblings its hard to take it very seriously.
But please, tell me more about your education. I'm interested in how you came to be so well educated.
And I do hope you'll be posting more videos of obese women in lingerie. It really enhances my life. :)
klfly 3 years ago
so freaking true ! :)
Falloutmoon 3 years ago 2
What are you, Dr. Suess?
klfly 3 years ago
Is god some sort of freaky stalker?
CENSOREDFORSEX 3 years ago
This was alot better, the knock knock joke was better structured and led into other material.
These were all alot funnier and you seem to deliver them better?
CypherSystem 3 years ago 4
Funny stuff. Love the sneeze. The number of people in my work that sneeze around me, you might think these people really need to see an allergy specialist. A room full of people and every one of them sneezes at least a couple of times. I usually give them the gasundheit. Better still, I've actually had a family member ask if you're not religious why say bless you in German? Ahhhh, yet another assumption, gasundheit must be some kind of blessing as opposed to a polite blow nose & wash your hands.
generationalist 3 years ago 2
Thanks. Yeah, that is funny that would naturally assume that the Germans too are worried that their souls maybe escaping through their noses. Snot is like soul glue.
klfly 3 years ago
Every single one of your videos on YouTube are great, and I'd love to see more. But you need a catchy slogan. How's this:
Keith Lowell Jensen - If you don't think this guy is funny, you have no soul. Scratch that. You do have a soul, and that's precisely the problem.
BeauClayton 3 years ago 2
Right on, my own PR guy.
Thanks for the compliments. Glad you dug the clips.
klfly 3 years ago
Awesome
"do you think I'm pretty?..."
thingthingy 3 years ago 4
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I see a whole lot to ______ in the Universe and like to have my eyes on the prize. This does not negate your karma dharma whatever.
There's plenty of evidence that this is an amazingly wonderful place beyond words.
So I call it Sacred. It's a choice of attention. We can correctly state that there're really terrible frightening things or things devoid of deep meaning. Or we can focus intention on deep meaning and mirth
atheism + spiritual enlightenment and experiences of deep unity = supergood
isforbliss 3 years ago
Sorry, but that is all babble to me.
klfly 3 years ago
PHEW I thought I was just stupid. By the way, subscribed, friend. =)
ziggo3 2 years ago
"Atheism: you can go to back to sleep"
Yes, because "atheism" is no-thing! Atheism is the belief that universe has no fundamental purpose.
This seems to reflect an inner disconnect between person and universe. IF you feel deep fundamental purpose why would you disbelieve in the Infinite?
isforbliss 3 years ago
So you interpret the evidence according to your need of purpose? You don't seem to present evidence instead just pointing out how it is better to believe as you do, more enjoyable. Not good logic in my humble opinion.
klfly 3 years ago
I do not simply believe in something or other.
I intend Goodness. I intend healthy food. I intend intelligent discourse. I intend fundamental peace.
These are not as part of some faith in a Puppet or in an external concept called "Jesus" or God.
I am not interested in debating past cause.
Not believing in at least one creator of the universe makes no sense since there is plenty of evidence of creation in the universe (not necessarily "creationism")
I believe in Universe(s).
isforbliss 3 years ago
Go look up the word atheist first off.
I don't "disbelieve in the infinite." I don't where you got that.
My point still stands. You critique atheism based on your thinking that it lacks purpose. I don't make decisions about what I believe or how interpret the world/universe based on my desire for purpose. I simply look at the evidence and I except that some equations are as of yet incomplete.
klfly 3 years ago
You need a few periods in some of your sentences. You said "I don't where you got that."
SnakeCIA1 3 years ago
Ha ha. Well, I think I can live with that. Thanks.
klfly 3 years ago
This guy is awesome
jeannie198225 3 years ago 3
Yeah - you guys need to come to Ohio.
healthyaddict 3 years ago 3
We'd love to. If you go to the shows page on our website there is a link that lets you request us in your town.
klfly 3 years ago
Yeah - you guys need to come to Brazil. =D
LenaNerdinha 3 years ago 2
At work, when I sneeze and someone says "bless you" I say: "keep yer damn god outta my nose!"
That usually goes over well.
rnistuk 3 years ago 4
I just go ahead and say 'Bless you'. It requires no answer and you can just get on with things. I might say 'You OK?', but that requires a follow up like 'Have you seen a doctor?' 'Bless you' is much more economical.
riversonthemoon 3 years ago 2
haha you have some of the funniest jokes. fuck religion.
oyequepinga 3 years ago 2