Nervousness in the Beginning

[princesslacie99]

hey sweety, love your videos! just wanted to say...of course please don't listen to any of the pathetic savages filled with utterly useless and misguided hate. secondly...as for your advice i agree of course...but I am totally a dress girl!!! i think, once you get used to truly being a woman in society, and work towards being as passable as possible of course. you can really embrace your feminine tastes...like for me, i used to claim i didn't like pink, when its always been my fav!

[karmatic1110]

@princesslacie99 This is 2 years old, and I still don't like pink. Some women's tastes aren't classically feminine.

[tskimmi]

Christianity and normal people prevail? yah, right! hahahahahahahahahaha...hahahah­ahaha :-)

[Neso1991]

In 10 years you won't be alive, I guarantee you this. People will revert back from sickness TO normality and you will be skinned alive and hanged from the street lamp post. You sick, vile human being...get hit by a truck you piece of shit. I can't believe people like you exist, you genetically deficient trash. You will never be accepted anywhere in Europe, if you live there leave now...Christianity and normal people prevail...go to USA, land of fagots, lesbians and retards. Rather, go to hell.

[karmatic1110]

@Neso1991 HAHAHAHA! That's really hilarious considering everything in your comment is nothing but your own idiotic hatred (primal and unevolved) fueling these comments. Nothing is factual, and in fact my life experience>that your "faith" in something with no evidence and childish fairy tales. 

[southernbelle148001]

@karmatic1110 Oh my god...Is this what you have to put up with?..no wonder it's so hard. I've honestly never heard something so hateful being said to someone who has done nothing at all to them.,He hates you for existing ,,I am so sorry that you have to read comments like that.

[karmatic1110]

@southernbelle148001 Haha, I'm used to it by now. I think it's pretty funny actually, but thank you for the concern :)

[levogiro]

@southernbelle148001

I don't think he hates her for existing... I think he hates her because of something he will never be... I think that he hates her for being free.

[karmatic1110]

@Neso1991 Also, I'd learn to use proper grammar prior to dolling out your views, lest you look like an idiot.

[MrSiulsiul]

hi,first of all i love your videos,you are a very pretty and smart person^^

so,about clothes(i didint start transition or came out) i love jeans and tshirts..even if i imagine my self as a girl i dont se me wearing tons of make up and dresses...i would feel unconfortable,because of that and others things im tomboyish XD

[SMASHED18]

Great Job! lol

[FanOfJanis]

Totally relate to this vid. I'm 6 months into HRT and am entering that androgynous netherworld of looking peculiar presenting in either gender. Like you, I do not and will not wear a dress. From your videos, I see that our fashion preferences are similar. Know what you mean when you SO want to try something on in the women's department but really cannot. Your vids are always thoughtful and intelligent. Thanks for posting them.

[VanthLionheart]

I think the more you go out, the more you dress, and learn, the more confidence you get in yourself. I was so scared the first few times to go alone. I literally would be at the front door pacing trying to to panic and be like.. *deep breaths* ok.. open door. crap neighbor! *closes door* lol... yeah... that was probably more awkward for him than me :P

But now I don't care, heck I even wear skirts, because I realize... you're not as self important as you think you are, no one cares what you do.

[SNIDERDC]

keep up the vids I find them very comforting! :D

[001BitterSweetIrony]

I have to say, I love my skirts. :3

I like your fish! <3

[john95250]

do you have nice legs a dress

[karmatic1110]

@john95250 ...I don't wear dresses.

[Rehmann]

omg, I just realized how much you look like linetrap. :O

[karmatic1110]

@MrLycanthropy God you are a dumbass

[1x93cm]

i just dress like a homeless bloke and it suits me just fine.

rags n bags n such are a gals best friend eh?

also, push a shopping cart full of garbage bags for added effect!

[bocckoka]

i dont get it. you are a guy, you like guys. this is okay. but you want to hook up with guys who like girls, or who like guys, or both? in the first case, you want to mislead them, in the second case, you want to be recognised? i dont know the unwritten law that governs these relations.

[karmatic1110]

I am not interested in men sexually. Furthermore, there is not law to govern anything, as you are obviously referring to laws in a personal sense. The problem with that assertions is that values are defined by the individual. My value system is not your value system and vice versa. Therefore nothing is inherently "wrong" until we define it as such on a personal level. Also, you cannot claim to know my motives unless I outwardly express them, and "misleading" someone is not my intention.

[1x93cm]

@bocckoka wait a minute....what?

[Whitenail3]

@bocckoka She isn't necessarily a guy. She thinks like a woman, she looks like a woman, she sounds like a woman, she feels like a woman so how does that make her a guy, when it comes down to gender there's no real black and white, just various shades of grey.

[Samcara]

Do what ever makes you feel comfortable...if like to where dress's where em'...don't be a slave to someone elses ideas and opinions...be yourself...and noone else...and don't be a tool...because no matter how high they get in lif....they never get enywhere...

[michelleinthefuture]

Apologetically speaking; I did not mean to criticize. I meant to convey that I think it would be interesting to see more of your femme' presentation. You look and speak great!

[LookingGlassThecure]

Im not a dress person either...a dress doesnt make the woman..remember that..its whats inside that makes us who we are..

[DragPrincezz]

Hi I'm Yasmeen.

Ur fabulous!

[MrSonicAdvance]

I think it's up to the world to accept you, not for you to meet the expectations of the world. If you're happy with yourself, then that's as much as you need to do.

[31hillcrest]

wow......ur hot babe. i would certainly go out with you........ur gorgeous and i love u xxxxxx

[fireflygirl246]

I love to wear dresses but I'm more of a practical girl and wear jeans most of the time. But if its a special event I love putting on a dress and getting all done up.

[TaylorT345]

and I totally don't blame you on the dresses thing. I don't do skirts or dresses. Girl's jeans for me all the way.

[TaylorT345]

I think if we all passed as well as you hun, none of us would be nervous going out. That's meant as a compliment. For me, I took it slow for like 2 weeks then, I said the hell with it and went all out. I feel alot better now and to live as a girl has become just an everyday thing for me, kinda like I've always lived this way. I love you and all of your videos. Keep up the good work. <3

[KAREN2ME]

Great video. A valuable contribution to to all of us.

Kisses,

Karen

[Eopyk]

Amazing video  :)

And great tips.. I missed this video.. I fele bad now.

But all love from me Jasmine

[JoeSomebody2]

Dresses are appealing. Why else would the kilt be popular? Forget the fact they try and make it "tough" to wear it. :P

Though I'm too much a coward to jump into one myself (dress I mean). Maybe in the future, after some heel dragging? Probably. :)

[DerekUnit]

Love the fish tank!

[InterjectingCow]

Piranha! I forgot all about the song! All piranha owners should listen to the song of the same name by Exodus. Maybe make an anniversary vid next year (for your fishies) with it playing in the background?

[aenoether]

1. Figure out what looks good on you and is comfortable. (Obviously at first this will be approximate.)

2. Suck it up and get out there.

3. Pretend you're not completely terrified.

4. As you realize nobody else really cares, you'll stop being terrified.

Step 3 is the most important one.

[fuyukodochi]

When you said "hey guys, you're looking cute" to your fishies, I thought (quite naturally) you were talking to me!

[karmatic1110]

Haha!  Well, either one works.

[tbanks1024]

Slowly switch out pieces one at a time from your male wardrobe with more feminine pieces that you are comfortable with. As you slowly switch from male to female one piece at time you will slowly go from male to female while mainly being androgynous. Do the same with makeup and accessories. In the beginning, remember the key, less is more. This slower change in look the easier it will be for you to adjust and be comfortable. Accepting yourself and looking comfortable, is key in passability.

[BabyGirlEvighet]

Whats wrong with dresses and skirts?? I think u would look WOW in them!

[GMPNY]

Great video and thanks for sharing yourself with the world. Growing up as a girl (born female) I hated wearing dresses LOL Im now 60 and I still wear jeans with T's or pretty tops but I will do anything to avoid wearing a skirt or a dress to ANY function. I THINK its because when I went to school, I was forced to wear skirts and frilly tops or dressy dresses, I just hated it. I wont be buried in a dress either LOL Its gonna be Pajamma's I swear and fuzzy slippers :-)

[CalifornianSin]

She reminds me of Lisa Nova!

[picorosita]

Loved this video. I relate to your experiences a lot because I am going through that. But definitely androgynous works great at the beginning. Baby steps are what makes you get there, and I am not talking about passing I am talking about the nervousness. Once you stop the nervousness, I think it all comes natural and let your femininity flourish once you get to the point where your body chemistry is right and experiences. Thanks for sharing your world with us beautiful!

Yumi from houston

[waitingtolive]

Good lord where did you get the piranhas?

[karmatic1110]

They are legal in a few states. I just went to the pet store and bought them as babies for $10 each.

[waitingtolive]

In Australia its really impossible to get them, your so lucky x x

[Cogiendo1]

I luv your personality! your such a cool chic!

[BabyGirlEvighet]

You look soooo cute when ur biting ur lips <3

[karmatic1110]

Thanks hun :)

[Cogiendo1]

You are incredibly beautiful. I wish you luck. You are fabulous!

[saintidoru]

There's something weirdly poetic about this video... A discussion of fear of detection and the stress of "passing" (I hate that phrase - it emphasizes the deception, not the fact that you're being *more* honest now), followed by showing piranas...

Hmm... X

[karmatic1110]

Haha, very true.

[punisherbrat]

thanx u :)

[dawgstarz]

Sweetheart, you are one of the most beautiful woman i've seen. You have such a natural beauty about you and your personality is just so real. Love it! Your fish are great!

[GuitarGirlTS9]

I remember being out one time in just a hoody and jeans and the cashier called me "ma'am". I had only been on hormones for a few months and had just started transitioning.The fact that I got read as a girl despite not putting out anything that screamed female was a turning point. From that point on I realized that I should think about presenting myself as female. Even now a days I still feel like I'm being read. I think it's inherent for most trans women to be self conscious no matter what.

[amberb57]

Nice tank! I wish I had room for my big tank!

It seems like a long time ago, but it was only a year and a half ago that I went out in public dressed for the first time, and now, here I am, 2 months into the RLT. It helps to have someone to go out with so you don't have to go alone, that's scary!

[rvrwolfen]

aw.....piranhas are cute when small....

[Plasibeau]

Love your vlogs. Like listening to talk and I enjoy your topics. . . Although I can't help but stare at those hyper-active eyebrows of yours! LOL!

[cu3cards]

ha! I love the going out in a gown like it's prom. heheheh that's awesome :^D jeans are abfab!

[DarknessOfSanity]

I only recently started following along with your videos as of not too long ago. I didn't really go back and look over any old videos or anything, and so I must say that I honestly did not know you were trans until this video. =) That makes me happy because you pass so well and stuff! Aww, yay! hehehe Anyways, love your vids.

[MrShaneVicious]

How did you go about removing all of your facial hair ?

[SarahunBottled]

cool fishys piranas are pretty awesome

when ever i think of piranas i think of finding nemo and that little girl at the dentist office

[respect9898]

wow. idk if i could ever have piranas... they are cool fish but i couldn't feed them live things i'd feel too guilty :( do you have to do that or do they make fish food for them?

[HillaryTS]

Why are you so awesome?

Keep being awesome!

[figaro589]

love the pihranas. I had 2 red bellies when I was 7 and were great to look at.

you had some good points

thanks for sharing this video

[xocalygirlxo]

I'm really proud of you!! And so happy your hair has grown out!! It's beautiful,we should talk sometime on aim. :)  I'll message you!

[RelaxxKiller]

It;s 2009!!!! there is no spectical!! it''s ok!! you are beautiful...I mean BEAUTIFUL!!!! honestly, if i walked by you in the mall, I would'nt even double take as far as your trans!! Just don't wear dresses, I'm not a dress person at all. I think I was last in a dress like 30 yrs ago. As long as you are true to yourself, YOOU GOOO!!!! Your lucky, because you are a beautiful woman!!

[mssaragriffin]

no, keep light on 12 hours a day they get used to it its normal

[joneyhits]

Passing is 99% in your head and 1% wearing the right shoes.

[Erica2Lives]

LOL!

[KarTeg01]

You look great and really happy - thanks for sharing

[BabyGirlEvighet]

OMG your voice is so HOT just like you! And your hair is amazing, lets trade, PLEASE! Love you sweetie! <3

[NaomiClareNL]

By the way, love the long hair and glasses. You look so hot.

What are going to do with your hair? Let it grow as long as possible? braid it or do it in a pony tail? Or what?

[NaomiClareNL]

Cute fishies and your other fish haven't perished yet...

I'm still in the androgynous stage, to my dismay, but feminity peaks out regularly.

The aftermat of a burnout and depressions make the decisionmaking process for me a process that is stretched out. Taking steps is more difficult at times then my (im)patience can handle.

[LindsayStone]

this is very true it's kinda one of those things where I kinda think of it like riding a bike starting with training wheels first eventually the wheels come off but that doesn't mean there won't be times where you get road rash but it heals, cute little mean fishies by the way

[kotekotekitty]

your glasses frame your face awesome everyone should wear glasses these days, great video too.

[ATFrez]

Wow.... All I can say is, you suck. 3 million sperm, and THIS is the one that got through! We don't need your neandrithal views clogging up Youtube. Goodbye.

[kieraanne88]

was that meant for a hater?

[karmatic1110]

Yes.

[itspaul70]

Give it a break already.

Walking on water comes later.

[Rhonda577]

Wow Piranhas! Yeah I can relate to your experience about coming out and going shopping, I remember when I used to just grab women clothes from the racks and just hope that they would fit after purchasing them. Today, now I go out with self confidence, getting over the fear of what others may think.

[Sanctusorium]

I started out soooooo nervous about everything. I got clocked all the time... and I still do... I want freaking hormones :< However, I am at the point where I go "fuck these people."

[femstarlight]

I went from getting dehydrated while browsing the women's sections of a store to being much more comfortable. Though still self-concious, I still try stuff on in the dressing room without worry.

[jesscaralsen]

finally a new video...and glasses!! they look awesome by the way. How long did it take you to get the nerve to go out for the first time?

[jugfullasun87]

Your hair looks awesome :D

Those are really cool Piranhas!!!

[juliaz12345]

You are awesome. Very cute and your facial expressions make me smile. You are really expressive, more so than most people I've met. It shows the confidence you have in yourself. Take a look at my blog too.

[oasisblack88]

all i can say is damn you are beautiful

[mexlep101]

This is so what i am going through right now that nervousness sucks so bad, I will get over it i hope :) ALice

[nikkitsxo]

great vid hun.. and love the facial expressions!!

[someCallMeJen]

I started out with a serious social phobia, so much to the point that I avoided public places in guy mode, so girl mode was even more difficult. But I had to do it. What helped me most was having someone else along. Any time I got nervous I would just turn and talk to her and distract myself. It helped a lot. I just got to a point where I had to do it, though. It's too important to let fear stand in the way. If I could do it with my fear of crowds then anyone can.

[nikkitsxo]

thats the part that im goin through now... im still in guy mode and have never gone out in girl mode but im getting to the point from hormones and self doubt... that i dont even like goin to places in guy mode.... and like not to be hmm.. conceded but i think im a good lookin guy.. i just get out anymore... plus i like girls and i feel like i have no more game bc i dont want to take my shirt off and so on and so fourth

[urmwhynot]

I was wondern' when we would hear from you next:) Great vid.... You look gorgeous with glasses on!!!XoX

[Widdledoo]

Those glasses are teh sex.

[TransMissioning]

the bandana's finally gone :) and you showed us ur fishies... i think i want some now... and i was kinda hoping for another taco video :P

[Kuzalias]

Ha, you're so adorable.

[blaire51]

hey you look so good with your hair down like that, you should wear it that way more often.

thank you for your insightful videos as usual this one helped me a lot.

blaire ruth (mary poppins lol )

[ken2305]

why cant I meet someone like you...

[Living4The1Rhythm]

Hey, I really enjoy watching your videos. Even though I am not transgendered, I still recognize and applaud the fact that you are very brave with putting yourself out there. I am very happy that their are people like you (Strong and courageous) who put themselves out for the world to see, helping many of those going through similar situations.

You my friend, are awesome ^_^

[wolfofthewhitemt]

FISHIES!

[alexbaxthedarkside]

aw Hi hot mommy, u have a great deal of self confidence probly a case of fake it till you make it, and u got plenty of that so , good on you xxxxxx

[madplace1]

a few topics I would love to see you cover: would you date a transgendered person? have you ever known someone to de-transition? what can non-trans people do to be trans-supportive? do you have any info on trans history?

[RainbowPagon1982]

thank you for this video I found a friend that is going to help me start trnasision in Aug. I can't wite thank you again for this video

[LilijannaGirl]

I am not transsexual and i know it isn't the same thing...respect to anyone transitioning, i have gone out in very noticable outfits shall we say how i see it is, we over estimate how much attention people pay to passers by.

How much attention do we really pay to the girl buying groceries in the store or the guy passing me in the street

That is how i ease my nervousness

Again i know i'm just playing at this, total respect to those living every second

[coveredintea]

Ace fishies!

I found that once I passed in the newsagents shop I could do pretty much anything. Not only did that guy sell me milk and tell me what time it was, he totally saved my soul too. Or something.

[miharakamikazi]

Your hair is really pretty.

[priscillahowdy]

You are so right about taking those baby steps. I found after my confidence outweighed my courage I could go out and do anything,...and that for me was very early on. I went on a cruise with my mother, and went en-fem before I even started hormones. Sad part was and is I am not so good at presenting myself

[MatthiasFarland]

w00t! Fishies!

It's good to hear from you again, dear.

[karmatic1110]

Aww :) Well I didn't know what to make a video on.

[MatthiasFarland]

Yeah, I've been having a bit of that problem myself, recently.

+)

[lilymon]

You just have the sexiest voices EVER!!!

[karmatic1110]

Thank you :)

[IChoseTheRedPill]

thank you for sharing this with us... love your fish tank... seriously love it.

peace2U

[watuknogud]

look at u lookin all SEXY wit those glasses on & tht beautiful smile. ;D

[ThermostatAgreeable]

I used to get really nervous too. I find that the public doesn't really mind me, but there are always gonna be ignorant people that judge me. They're always gonna be there, but friends always make feel better.

[JoannaBri]

for it to be hard the first time means you need to care what others think but as most of people do care I find that the understanding of who you are and who you will always be on the inside has a lot more power over the fears of being

"odd" in others eyes.

[huh98]

just curious, what does one feed pirahnas?

[karmatic1110]

Raw shrimp and pellets. Feeder fish will only give them parasites and make them sick.

[TransMissioning]

what about all these vids on here of people feeding theirs like, mice, and animals of that such.....?

[karmatic1110]

It's stupidity to feed a mouse or live fish to a piranha. They clog up the filters and can introduce parasites into your tank. It also holds very little nutritional value.

[esgadeffle]

yay fishies!