Well, my dad wasn't there that much for my brother and I. Emotionally, I mean. My brother is almost 20 and acts like a 17 year old. Bad temper!! With me, I've had trouble trusting men.
me and my brother grew up without a dad since 10 years.. we have a step dad now and me and my brother are really close to him and my brother is a really sweet 20 year old.. he loves his girlfriend and brings her flowers every week :D im really proud with my brother i kinda want a boyfriend like that when i grow up
I was raised by my aunt and uncle. I only saw my father twice (sometime around age 15). I didn't start living with my mother until age 11 (after my aunt died of cancer). I can sum it up in one line: life was very hard.
Prospective parents NEED to understand that they are not going to be raising a pet. There's lots of commitment that goes into raising a child and they cannot "half-ass" it because scares will be left that can never be removed.
You are right.. We have trouble trusting and it happens naturally. We trust almost no1.. Its some psychological effect.. I'm very rough and I don't really show my emotions even though i do have a huge heart that I believe I got from my mother. Nice video! It is very very very important for kids to grow up with fatherly and motherly love becaus one day they will be adults like myself. Very important!
what is pontificate? does that not mean from pontiff or roman catholic pontiff?sorry I know it picky and possibly (not gentlemanly ) but I don't understand the term here! I feel woman are getting harder and more manly, they wear pants to work and often imitate male aggression in the work place. why are woman becoming masculine workers and men are becoming female bitches. I don't know, but being facetious to the poor daddy-less boys out there makes you look rather condescending. all respect
@LinuxBOX007 I actually looked it up myself, and you are using it correctly although it is in reference to roman catholic government to speak or exchage thoughts as a Hypernym. So I take it back, not only was it sense but was also well used.
@LinuxBOX007 I actually looked it up myself, and you are using it correctly although it is in reference to roman catholic government to speak or exchange thoughts as a Hypernym. So I take it back, not only was it sense but was also well used.
girl you really LOVE men ... lol ... so do i dont be ashamed...
i agree with what you are saying and from my experience i have seen the same pattern. i believe people as human beings tend to take after our parents a lot and if one is missing then a part of that tends to be missing as well. It is all up to that parent-less person to find out who they really are and not really look at their parents to figure themselves out.
Thanks for your reply ! I just got back form the doc and well he gave me 2 pills and told me that they should give me some self-confidence. He also told me to try to get a girlfriend... now that's gonna be HARD! I have no idea where to start. At least now i know witch direction i should go with my problem. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and experience!
I grew up without my father too. I lived with him in the same house in the first 13 years of my life and i still don't have a father. As far as I know he hated me because took my mom's attention from him. You said that men who grew up like me are cold and thing like that. Well since no one taught us how to be manly no wonder we have problems when we get older. I'm 21 now and I have trouble keeping myself from falling into depression. I'll be meeting a psychologist a few days from now.
@TheAdamBBB Aweee hunny! I'm so sorry. I wish I could just (((HUGGGG))) you! But don't you worry; Admitting there is a problem is the FIRST step to healing and visiting a psychologist is one of the most pro-active things you can do. Please write me back in 90 days to let me know what change the therapist has inspired in you.
Also, keep in mind every therapist is different and dont b afraid to find one who works for You :)
i can relate, i have father he lives with me but we live seperate lives, he doesnt really talk with me(only when things need to get done)....and yes it makes me colder and distance...you are right...but having a dad in house that doessnt build bound is hard, i think we build a WALL around us, someting im trying to break now but i dont know how.....because im in a relation and having exact the same things that you mention.....i would love to be that man without that wall
growing up with out a dads hard but him riasing you till your ten then saying i dont want you anymore is worse and a mother that a drunk its lonely cold but i some how feel like some days are worse than others but most the days i feel hope less and ie tried calling my father and he still doesnt want me and living with my by poluar trailer trash mom doesnt help iam only 14 but i dont know if i will really learn what it is to be a man
...Its just as natural if the child grew up in a abusive household were the father beat the mother-and because of it, the child would think that it would be okay to beat his/her GF. But it also depends on how the child was raised too. I think Gene Simmions didnt have a dad and look how good he turned out to be. :)
I think whats going is that a child needs the nuture and guidence of both mother and father. And if one parent is absent from the equation it wouldnt really be a suprise to see that hes more on the introvertness or even mean side. Not saying that all are, but a vast amount though....
you answered your own question though when you said god made men he also left man a basic instructions to help him walk correctly check psalms and proverbs cause god saw that the flesh was sinful its knowledge of the lord who makes man a true man that the blackwoman can truely be compatable with.
I had to grow up without a father or a mother but in science when you take a piece of black coal and put it under heavy pressure over time either two things will happen the coal will be crushed or it will turn into a diamond and today at the age of 36 i shine men are not good at talking about this topic cause there trying to look strong so they have internal anger built up and it manifest itself in different ways
I was raised by my Mom...no Dad...met my lady and she had 2 kids from a previous marriage, the BIO dad signed off on his own kids...so I adopted them. They're legally mine now.
Tanya - kudos to you speaking about pressing issues in society today! Only problem is that your clips are too long and really should be condensed. I personally disdain clips over 5 minutes considering I get the majority of news in under 3! Cut down your clip size for your audience and make your vlogs concise! Otherwise - keep up the good work! Cheers
Everyone, whether male or female, needs a father. I'm a woman who was raised mostly without a father. I believe that if my father had been the type of man who was around all the time to show me love, security, and what a real man should be, I wouldn't have had such a hard time recognizing a good man and wouldn't have met so many of the wrong ones. I'm 33 now and have been through so much heartbreak that I prefer to be alone. I have absolutely no desire to have a man in my life.
Hi.You have nmo desire to have a (wrong type of men)in your life anymore i believe it because im in the same shoes as you.But i believe that in secret we both long for a perfect relationship.When there is a bad picture about the first man in your life(your dad),you are going to attract the same kind of negative man into your life.Your brain is like a magnet.You are unconsciously searching for the same kind of man that is already settled in your mind from the first experience in your life.
I have no desire to have any type of man in my life. But I also don't want a good man either. I have learned from my bad experiences and can now recognize a good man, and I've even met a few recently, but I'm seriously just not interested in having a man period. There is just no part of me who wants to make time for a relationship. No desire or interest whatsoever. I have 3 children that are my main focus in life and I find that men don't fit in at the moment. That may change someday.
I believe that if a MAN did not have a Father in his life: he would not know how to act or be friends with other MAN in real life, or will feel not confident, and sometimes too soft when everyone looks man as strong.
Girl's without a Father, will not understand MAN, will make mistakes so early in life, will not be able to stand for her self.
This is just some of negative effects, but there are a lot more.
Both Parents are Equally important to the child's Life Physically , emotionally regardless of Gender. And both Parents play a major role to prepare the child for the adult life....
Girls get hurt just as much as boy's without a Parent. It does not matter Gender.
theres better ways to make money, sell crack, sell your ass crack, let homeless people smoke crack on your ass(wont get you money but might make you a hot topic amongst the homeless men) do you love homeless men too? im homeless i better go before these assholes come back! but please, die
dosent matter im fatherless too i had to fucking hurt to lern things in life unlike the other happy kids that dont have to suffer because their dad are their to teach em while i had to hurt and get stuck in the mouse trap trying to get cheese to eat while the other kids had their dad to get them food and theach em the dangers of the mouse trap..i dont let people get close to me because tell just reject me/unacceptance beacuse of the way i grew up in order survive u have to look after youreself
my father was fatherless. he was an angry child and a bullybut grew out of it and learned more constructive ways to deal with it and now he's the nicest person u can ever meet. he's my hero, i worship the ground he walks on, and he's a rare breed of man. he is so friendly and talks to EVERYONE. he realized that he didnt want to be like his father and makes a conscious effort every day not to be scum like his father was. i believe we can choose our own paths in life.
Ya my Dad was fatherless, he never met him. But he didnt ask for handouts and he worked in a rock quarry for some 16 years in miami fl. Hes not mean or cold but nicer then most of my friends dads.
As a man who grew up fatherless, it's hurtful to see you questioning whether I'm a "Lost Cause".
Is it reasonable for *you* to even define "masculinity"? After all, I reckon you'd be upset if I asserted criteria for "A Real Woman", if they excluded you, and you we hadn't even met.
You'd be doubly upset if you felt you were a good, ethical person, having done quite well despite a rough start in life.
Triply so if I did this and presented it as intellectual discourse.
Hey, I'm only asking the question. I'm sorry if it hurt you. All you have to do is attest for the ability to be prosperous, happy, healthy etc witohut one. I am asking ppl to give their opinions. I hope you all are not a lost cause, but more and more I see the detriment left behind when mothers and/or fathers abandon their kids. In this vid Im talking about fathers but I talk about moms 2. I've seen men raised w/o the softness of a mother & its WORSE. We NEED both, I'm sorry.
Yeah theirs definetly a link missing when the father isnt bringing up the child. This is true for both girls and boys.There are just life experiences and knowledge that the mother can not teach.most people think its gender based like the mother must bring up the girl the father must bring up the boy but it isnt like this at all.The fathers and mothers objective is to teach and raise their children to be a better person then they ever were in their lifetime.This goes wrong without the father.
these type of systems, child support agency, can not be stopped, but only slowed down. i'd suggest all dads, give-up their lively-hood, stop working, build-up in arrears, and demand to goto prison longterm, refuse to leave prison until demands are met. let women work and take over everything. let them pay for the entire state bill, especially, building and maintaining larger and larger prisons. let the kids sue the state, CSA. watch the national debt rise, and courts and CSA start to change.
i never new my father, i am 32 today and i reconise myself in what you say i grew up with my mother and two sisters, my manhood whas very hard because i whas supose to be the man of the house so i felt like i wasn't part of the family, girls like me but i feel unconfortable around them because i'm not sure about myself like most men raised with no dad ps excuse my mestaks i am from france
There are two sides of that coin. The boys who had to step up and be the man of the house at a young age seem hardened because of a difficult life at an early age but what ive found is that the men with no fathers who bond with there mothers and are very close with them but dont have the pressure of being a little adult are better adjusted. That is just my opinion though.
Come on!! Take a look at Barack Obama he is a fatherless. How could you even begin to generalize all men based on the few you have dated? I think you make some incredibly ignorant and naive statements.Of course if you come from a broken home the chances you will be well adjusted is less then if you had but not a guarantee.
well this is a great topic.. although just because you grow up without a father, does not make it fear to say that that kid is withdrawn, or emotionally cold. When you think about it some kid are worse when they grow up with a father, for the reason that maybe the kids father grew up with a rough dad and so in that case the father woth be emotionally cold with his child...
Thanks for commenting. Yeah... after putting out this video and talking with others I realized that its not the presence of the father that makes the difference, but WHAT TYPE OF father he actually is... bcz he could be there... and like you said, make things WORSE!
hi im a 29 year old fother and i dont know my dad at all my mom sed he was not the dad so i grou up with out a dad i have a 5 year old baby girl and i promest my sealf i will allwas be thar for my baby girl she means the world to me and to top it all off my wife is devorseing me i did not cheat or any thing she just wonts to mov on
I really hope, people don't listen to this nonsense. You make illogical statements and jump to conclusions, yet you ask people not to respond harshly. Perhaps you should open up and screen the men you date, as not all "fatherless" men are cold-you paint a very sinister picture. This video is simply revolting, enough for me to unsubscribe. Perhaps you should do some research, or maybe read a book on psychology or sociology. I do not need your pity, and I doubt others need it to. Pathetic...
When someone says "struck a nerve eh", it comes across as sarcastic. I try and give you the benefit of the doubt. Who are you to try to analyze me, based on a two sentence response. How can you derive that? Don't try and hurt me, what a pathetic attempt too. Err, I guess the world accepts you, sadly!
yea i think thats a lil off idk the guys u talk to..but if ur being raised without a father and only a mother wouldnt it think it would make a man more respectful to women in most cases i would assume thats true...i know for sure thats the case when it comes to me.
One would think so. But I have found this not to be the case. But one thing I have learned is that it also depends on the quality of the interaction with the father, even if he IS in the picture.
This one is deep for me. Like everything else everyone is diffrent so just cause a dude has a father there doesn't mean hes all the way put together. I know guys who come from 2 parents households who are damn near 30 and still selling crack when they can kids and could lose it all over a quick buck. My one homie had his father but he wasn't shit and was a burden on his family but the young man is doing well and in school most likely because he saw that he didn't want to be like his father.
Hey TonyaTko, some of the guys I know that didn't have a father figure in their life, portray a tough image cause while growing up they hook up with the wrong crowds. At times a mother don't know what to do with this behavior, in which makes the male ego stronger. Movies don't really help either, some tend to follow what they see. Some do change as they get older, but not all...peace.
Happily. Black women need to stop fucking with men who act like children then when they get pregnant they act surprise when they deny they're the child father. Stop sleeping with these thug type of men.
I argree but you have to understand that it is a 2 way street and its a type of women that get caught in that game and they need to elevate themselfs so theyre not that type of girl. A Women who is put together herself wouldn't fall for that bullshit and a girl who likes that type of guy pretty much deserves what he gives her.
You right its a 2 way street but women does the choosing so she have the power. To be honest women with a good job do fall for that type of men because some men may not be full pledged thugs or be a thug with a good paying job. 70% of black children are raised by single mothers not because they was marry or in a serious relationship. Black men too have to get their shit together also.
Ok, Tonya I am a fatherless male, or maybe I should rephrase that, I have a father that was absent from my life...It has made me a better father, a person that took responsibility in life, it made me the Man that I am, a good father, and good provider..I think perhaps you have had a bad experience with one person...I love ya and your thoughts that you share...But you asked, so I shared
How men treat woman is based on their collective view of woman in general. If in his mind woman are tricks and gold diggers then he will treat them as such. The focus should not just be on absent father's but all the factors that contribute to this negative view of woman.
I was raised without my father and I'm not going to lie because not having him around did make me cry sometimes. One thing I did do though was promise myself that everything that he wasn't or anything that he didn't do I would do the complete opposite. I believe as a man it is your job to keep your woman happy and provide for her, I also want to have kids and be there for them whenever they might need me. I owe everything that I am to my mother because she stepped up and was both my mom and dad.
Thank you, I think the hardest thing for me wasn't not having him around but the fact that I was considered just another statistic, a black male who's father was imprisoned and my mother being a single mother of 4 children
A father-less male can grow up to make something out of his life, no mattew how much potential he achieves he will never reach his ultimate because he didn't have his father, he will forever be a puzzle missing a piece he may think he is complete because he had someone to act in the "place" of his father but he will never be the same
Please check out this book "motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. I lost my mom at age 8 and never regained that mother-daughter connection with another female. i'm now in my 30s and the book has really helped me to realize the things that were going on with me that I wasn't 100% aware of.
Hey Tonya, I know what you're talking about; but the natural instinct is to find what you are missing in your life. I lost my mom when I was young and my dad wasn't around much; but I found the nurturing and love I needed in my grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and my grandfather. Some are raised by and taught by older brothers and sisters or aunts and uncles. There is always hope. If it 'takes a village', then the loss of one or two shouldn't impede one's full growth, if others will stand in
Thank you for this much needed new viewpoint. I guess we all have a natural set of human needs that we DO get filled... somehow. And the thoughts about the village are an interesting way to put it. Thank you and much love brother
Tonya, my husband from age 9 up went without his father, then his mom remarried which only lasted a short while. His mother tried her hardest to do the best she could in the situations that arose, and I think she did a wonderful job with my husband to the point where he has stood up to be the father to my oldest son, who never even met his dad. My husband is understanding, loving and kind to me and our children. So there is hope! :)
Thank you so much for that well thought out and articulated response. I Feel what you are saying about the break down of the village. I have learned from this post that it is also quality over quantity.
--but with mom and dad both working --two jobs-- who is going to raise little Johnny ---The Source is Merciful -- you have a few ---Who make it --All Praise to the Almighty --The Most High--- Like Your dad Tonya --but he -is - a special case --for the most part --the rest of us --have a price to pay --
Simply put --something is missing---- weather or not we can help that person --be whole— be they man or woman
--In American society ---what we see is the breaking down of the family!
The breaking down of the village ---if some else kid is doing wrong---that is there kids ---and for most of the problems --lets blame --TV—lets blame --music --which their is much truth -- to that statement.
--however --there is no one who can replace --a loving and caring father ---no one who can replace a loving and caring mother! --do we have a problem --yes we do ---In days of old and today in some cases the child is raise by the family --were everybody plays a role—when I was growing up my uncle was like a dad to me --he had the right --to give me a "Beating" if I did wrong --my aunt also --had that right
like wise --the uncle --grandfather can play --the Father --role --to be real --If A young male as a positive male figure in his life from a early age --that male figure will help his development
That's the truth --when compare to a tree ----My thought is --it takes a --male and female to --make a baby --so male and female --is the best thing for the baby's growth and development—now if the natural mother is dead --or she leaves --like wise the natural dad --then a aunty --can play the mother role --or grand mother --
meaning it starts young --and it is also a warning --don't leg the tree --grow in a certain direction ------- if the tree is growing left and you want the tree to grow straight up ---
The longer it grows left --when --you try bend it right --to make it straight --you might brake it --or --it could be too late --to be bend!--
There is so many --ways --so many --direction --to go with --this--..
You making us --think --long --and --hard Tonya!---First off --is their hope—yea --I could like to think there is hope --because --I'm a positive --person --but the truth is --that --I always hear the older folks --say " you have to bend a tree from it is young"----
Good video! I've been lucky enough to have both parents. My wife lost her father but she was already an adult so we haven't had it rough like others. We thank God for that and pray for those who aren't so lucky. You're right about men being different when not having a dad. It's an unfortunate truth. It's also very unfortunate that more and more kids are growing up in single parent homes.
At 4:47 you hit the nail on the head. You stated that your father was an orphan, but the essence that I got from your statement was that your experiences with your father are not the same experiences as that you have found with modern men who were orphaned.
Without attempting to cast any disrespect on orphans or generations, I do feel in my opinion that what you're seeing is a difference in era, a generation gap so to speak. I was a "latch key" kid myself, for what that's worth.
My twin brother and I grew up whith out never seing our father. But we grew up fine. Maybe its the people we grew up with like friends and other family that helped. Now life was NOT like the boy you show in your video with him outside on the ground ALONE.."lol" it was never like that
I think sometimes men without fathers tend to be spoiled...B/c I feel that mothers are the nurturers and sometimes try to overcompensate for the lack of a father figure. And men that have been spoiled their whole lives by their mothers expect that from women they date or they just are unappreciative of women...Maybe causing them to come across a ungentlemenly...
But I'm not saying all men that were raised by single mother are like this. Just a few.
It's so complicated. I know men who grew up without a father and became the men/fathers/husbands they would want their dads to be (they broke the pattern). Some of the most messed up men and women I've known were raised by both parents, but either one of these parents was messed up or both (abusive dad, alcoholic mom).
So even if I believe it's better for kids to have BOTH parents at home, maybe the most important thing is simply having REAL LOVE and PEACE in the home, regardless of who raises the kids. I'll give an example using "visible" people, Alicia Keys grew up fatherless, Britney grew up with both parents. Look at who became a wise lady and who ended up being messed up. The Jacksons had a father at home, he was abusive, most are messed up. REAL LOVE & PEACE at home is probably all that really matters.
My mother raised me. My father was physically present in the house, but he hardly cared a lick for me and the other kids he conceived with other women. I have discovered brothers and sisters that I never knew as a child because he tried to cover up his infidelity.
I think it has affected me because I myself don't feel I would be a good father.
unilaterally....i've heard many stories of horror and courage out of families...those who love you and care for you isnt always blood either... i've seen many become the very thing they hate in their parents annnnnnd i've seen others with courage/conviction break the cycle to become better human beings INSPITE OFF
you may not always control the hand you're delt but how you play in the end is still up to you
Thank you for this so eloquently written response. How are your interpersonal relationships with women? Does it matter when a person knows that the father is no where around on earth... as opposed to living a full life elsewhere just not wanting to be involved
i've got no problem with women they rank up there next to sunrises and moonlit nights...my best friends have been women, in alot of ways i prefer them to men...and in retrospect i would hope the person who knows the pain of not having a father is very real_he/she would have enuff emotive intelligence to understand while forces where beyond the control of one not being around...the other clearly made a distinct choice not to be around proving any man can make a child not many can be a father
I only ask bcz you stated you PREFER women to men... sounds like you like to be snuggled up.
-TonyaTko
ps... hows your sister in terms of dating & relating... and also how do you think things would be diff mentally if you knew your pops was living it up elsewhere as opposed to having passed away?
my sister is married happily and has a baby girl [4yo going on 20]she wasn't in the market very long as she met her husband to be @ college ...her hubby is a great guy decent hard working_this is a very deep question even if its hypothetical ??? 2 kids come out the same womb but react to the world diffrently_ we didnt have everything but wanted for nothing ...we had nana and a larger extended bloodline too.... i suspect we would,ve been ok anyway even if HE made the choice not to be around
my dad passed away when i was 6 [ and my baby sister 3] my mom did it all on her own with no man...today we are both college educated and productive members of society thats why i honor and respect my mom ...she has showed us with grace that goodness by definition isnt a trendy pop idiom its real/tangible and its effect on others is like life giving rain_ i hope i can be half the parent she is when that time comes ..............great post tonya
theres alot of variables in involved_and blanket generalizations however relative to personal experience dont always pan out_i know single parent housholds whose kids are well adjusted adults and two parent households who're slowly building monsters with twisted values like wise ive seen situations were kids/adults came from the very best single/two parent tiers and they go out and literally self destruct ...the human dynamic is a mystery
It hurts when your own father don't want to know you, but after years without him I can life with it.I try to be a better one for my children.That's all I can do (iguess)
Did someone tell you that it wasn't your fault? That he is in fact the inadequate one missing out on one of the greatest joys bestowed upon a person lucky enough to become a parent.
I never met a fatherless man who wanted to talk about being fatherless. Of course, I had a white dad and being perceived as black there were some male experiences I had that he did not have -- but I am blessed to have had two parents who love each other.
Awe thank you Tay for this NEW perspective! Having a father but one who was not able to be aligned with unrelatable circumstances. Interesting... so what did you do?
I think you get a variety of every kind of person from every type of family. I really don't think it matters because some who have fathers or mothers don't turn out better with parents and vice versa.. Just depends on the up bringing regardless of who's raising you
Whoa Whoa Whoa, first off... A wise person once told me that a person who has issues with a a number of other people (in this case, the men Tonya dates) then that person IS more than likely the person. I do so enjoy the show though Tonya. You do very much seem to think through what it is that you would like to say so that it is well stated and seems like the right thing to say, but in reality, and I am sure that many people who have met you will agree, it is a complete FRONT ie...NOT REALLY YOU!
Thank you very much for your confrontational response, I appreciate all angles.
There is no sin for people existing in the world. The sin would be if I involved myself in certain situations and stay in them blaming other people. Noticing a wreck and staying clear doesn't mean we caused the wreck
I hope this cleared up some things for you AssyPlonker (?)
Any child who grows up without a father, male or female, does not fully develop. Even if the father is not the childs biological father that child still needs a fatherly influence. Sometimes a grandfather or uncle can suffice in this situation. I know this because my two nephews are without their fathers, for different reasons. They learn because I help them learn how to be good young men. It is not a knock on the mothers, many times the situation is unavoidable.
I have noticed just from interacting with people that single parent homes, regardless of whether its mother or father gone, tend to produce children who are wanting in some way for something in their lives. I do not lay blame because it is not my place to judge. The family unit has become degraded over succesive generations and is in need of being brought back into popular culture. No more do you see Pop culture praising the Parent/Child relationship. Pop culture seems to be all about rebellion.
I grew up fatherless due to divorce. I'm also 32 (female, though), and up until my mid 20s I felt I could only relate deeply to other "broken" people. Every single one of my close friends was also missing a parent.
I don't think it is a hopeless situation, but one that is VERY DIFFICULT to address. Men deal with problems so much differently than women. I've tried to be a catalyst for positive change in certain close male friends' lives, but at the time, they could not see themselves clearly.
This is not a fair assessment, I don't think any of us know what Jesse Jackson is like in his personal life... unless you're one of those many illegitimate kids we keep hearing about :@)
I never hade a father,but i hade many possitive male roll models in my life.I decided at an early age 0f 15 that i would never have children outside of marriage because i want my future children to know and see both of their parents in love with each other.I have decided to be that roll model that my father couldnt be.Most of the time a child is effected neg when one or both parents are not involved in the development of that child.But thanks to my mom i have faired ok so far.
That's really intersting for you to bring up Tonya. Well I grew up with both parents in the house but mmy dad was an angry, short tempered person. I believe he did his best to raise us, but in the end, my family is very dysfunctional. On the other side, my older half brother grew up without his dad. But now he is a wonderful husband and father of two. I belive there is hope for them. Some men take their father's action or inaction as a warning and grow up to be bettter than their dads were.
That's really intersting for you to bring up Tonya. Well I grew up with both parents in the house but mmy dad was an angry, short tempered person. I believe he did his best to raise us, but in the end, my family is very dysfunctional. On the other side, my older half brother grew up without his dad. But now he is a wonderful husband and father of two. I belive there is hope for them. Some men take their father's action or inaction as a warning and grow up to be bettter than their dads were.
one of my closer friends has grown up without a father and he is neglected by his mother. he can be very disrespectful towards women, but whenever he is around my family he is very kind and respectful...I also have a classmate who has grown up without a father and he is just the opposite, he is one of the nicest most genuine guys i've ever met in my life so i think it can be different in particular situations
I do have my Mom and Dad. They are still together, but I still believe it takes a whole village to has one child, male or female. Great Vid. Much needed.
argh..typos the old african provide it takes a whole village to race on child. Actually I mentor several young "bewildered" artist. I didn't realize, but I was do actually lead and guide them. I only noticed it today, when I ran into one. He was doing good, going to artshool, working, and taking care of his health. I push him to speaking assertively and clearly. you know, confidence.
Being a man raised without a father by a mother who worked two jobs I can say some of your points are on. At an early age I looked after siblings and would go weeks without seeing my mother.
The troubles I have as an adult is not having an example of how to be a man. I struggle with what it is to be a man.
Lower Socio-economic-status: fatherlessness may lead to hardness.
Upper Socio-economic-status: fatherlessness may lead to egocentrism.
Just examples. What I'm saying is, class and culture will effect a man/woman just as much (or more) that fatherlessness. However, all that means is, it's a complex issue. Fatherlessness + socio economic status + cultural influences = how you turn out. It's not a one-point issue.
Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I had to provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
As a woman who grew up without a father, it has been somewhat difficult. The Huxtables became my ideal family. If I dated you during my twenties and you were not like my ideal man then I ended the relationship. It wasn't until I entered my thirties that I realized that a good relationship will have ups and downs, ins and outs,you name it. But I had to learn this through trial and error. Luckily I wasn't a woman who succumbed to every man who showed me attention because of a lack of a father.
they say that most women and most men look to get involved with people who most likely compare to their mother or father. you mention your ideal man, who is he?
There is hope, however but I think people must realize that we have to change ourselfs. Children are a mirror of who we are in truth. Children don't just grow up doing bad things if a child grows up to be a user or abuser of women he learned it from somewhere his environment and upbringing played a part. I know some insecure women and men who raise their sons to be tuff fearing that their children will get picked on by other kids.
Thank you very much for your well thought-out input mazarad. Someone else stated that all-to-often people are raised with parents being busy and television sitcoms and music videos fill their gap of questions they have no one to ask and thus become the standard for how they feel things should be
my parents split before i was born and as a child i only saw my dad every other sunday, so i suppose you could say that i was fatherless because he stopped seeing me for a few years.This made me sad but i respect women greatly to this day, because my mom taught me morals and bought me up well.I think that kids without parent have this problem because they have no one to ask questions, or to look up to.Dads can only do so much for their kids, but i think its the moms which make the difference
Environment is important also. I've seen children who live in households where a shady, drunk and violent relative comes around raising havic. Some people are careless about who they allow around their children. Now, when it comes to sex unscrupulous sexual activity this opens the door for this type of thing. You have to understand that what we do has an impact on others including children born and unborn.
I think it depends on who's raising that man. If he is being raised by a somewhat or fully immoral person in a volatile environment he will be a product of his environment but if he is raised by a moral person in a warm and safe environment He may turn out better. I don't believe that women can't do the job on their own because they may have to and therefore I believe that women are fully capable of raising positive children. But
There is a huge difference between women I date do had fathers and those who different. Women without dads are very clingy very needy some even have lashed out at me when I leave to go home or tell them I am going to bed. Some of these women I was not sexually with they just are very needy. Women with dads who love them seem to be much stronger. They demanded respect, they didn't just allow you to make decisions for them. They had a foundation behind them and that was daddy.
oh my teachers and parents just gave up on me ever sence i was 12
GonzofreashBeatz 6 days ago
Well, my dad wasn't there that much for my brother and I. Emotionally, I mean. My brother is almost 20 and acts like a 17 year old. Bad temper!! With me, I've had trouble trusting men.
Victorian9322 1 week ago
we should get married. ;D I love you!
lolikatu 1 month ago
me and my brother grew up without a dad since 10 years.. we have a step dad now and me and my brother are really close to him and my brother is a really sweet 20 year old.. he loves his girlfriend and brings her flowers every week :D im really proud with my brother i kinda want a boyfriend like that when i grow up
DogLover1507 7 months ago
you are desgosting your totsy wutsy is showing you are discraisssing
Ipanima88 10 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Greetings to you Tonya, I have been researching this issue for an upcoming project,
and would love a chance to speak with you on this! Please get in touch with me!!!!
managod.12dz@gmail.com and please anyone who has a story to tell on this subject feel free to connect with me! Thank you all and God Bless.
TheManAGod 10 months ago
I was raised by my aunt and uncle. I only saw my father twice (sometime around age 15). I didn't start living with my mother until age 11 (after my aunt died of cancer). I can sum it up in one line: life was very hard.
Prospective parents NEED to understand that they are not going to be raising a pet. There's lots of commitment that goes into raising a child and they cannot "half-ass" it because scares will be left that can never be removed.
andreo 1 year ago
You are right.. We have trouble trusting and it happens naturally. We trust almost no1.. Its some psychological effect.. I'm very rough and I don't really show my emotions even though i do have a huge heart that I believe I got from my mother. Nice video! It is very very very important for kids to grow up with fatherly and motherly love becaus one day they will be adults like myself. Very important!
lopew1 1 year ago
what is pontificate? does that not mean from pontiff or roman catholic pontiff?sorry I know it picky and possibly (not gentlemanly ) but I don't understand the term here! I feel woman are getting harder and more manly, they wear pants to work and often imitate male aggression in the work place. why are woman becoming masculine workers and men are becoming female bitches. I don't know, but being facetious to the poor daddy-less boys out there makes you look rather condescending. all respect
LinuxBOX007 1 year ago
@LinuxBOX007 I actually looked it up myself, and you are using it correctly although it is in reference to roman catholic government to speak or exchage thoughts as a Hypernym. So I take it back, not only was it sense but was also well used.
LinuxBOX007 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@LinuxBOX007 I actually looked it up myself, and you are using it correctly although it is in reference to roman catholic government to speak or exchange thoughts as a Hypernym. So I take it back, not only was it sense but was also well used.
LinuxBOX007 1 year ago
Comment removed
biodroid 1 year ago
girl you really LOVE men ... lol ... so do i dont be ashamed...
i agree with what you are saying and from my experience i have seen the same pattern. i believe people as human beings tend to take after our parents a lot and if one is missing then a part of that tends to be missing as well. It is all up to that parent-less person to find out who they really are and not really look at their parents to figure themselves out.
bre4chula 1 year ago
Hi TonyaTko!
Thanks for your reply ! I just got back form the doc and well he gave me 2 pills and told me that they should give me some self-confidence. He also told me to try to get a girlfriend... now that's gonna be HARD! I have no idea where to start. At least now i know witch direction i should go with my problem. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and experience!
TheAdamBBB 1 year ago
I grew up without my father too. I lived with him in the same house in the first 13 years of my life and i still don't have a father. As far as I know he hated me because took my mom's attention from him. You said that men who grew up like me are cold and thing like that. Well since no one taught us how to be manly no wonder we have problems when we get older. I'm 21 now and I have trouble keeping myself from falling into depression. I'll be meeting a psychologist a few days from now.
TheAdamBBB 1 year ago
@TheAdamBBB Aweee hunny! I'm so sorry. I wish I could just (((HUGGGG))) you! But don't you worry; Admitting there is a problem is the FIRST step to healing and visiting a psychologist is one of the most pro-active things you can do. Please write me back in 90 days to let me know what change the therapist has inspired in you.
Also, keep in mind every therapist is different and dont b afraid to find one who works for You :)
-Tko
TonyaTko 1 year ago
i can relate, i have father he lives with me but we live seperate lives, he doesnt really talk with me(only when things need to get done)....and yes it makes me colder and distance...you are right...but having a dad in house that doessnt build bound is hard, i think we build a WALL around us, someting im trying to break now but i dont know how.....because im in a relation and having exact the same things that you mention.....i would love to be that man without that wall
Dkguerilla 1 year ago
growing up with out a dads hard but him riasing you till your ten then saying i dont want you anymore is worse and a mother that a drunk its lonely cold but i some how feel like some days are worse than others but most the days i feel hope less and ie tried calling my father and he still doesnt want me and living with my by poluar trailer trash mom doesnt help iam only 14 but i dont know if i will really learn what it is to be a man
teckdecksareforfages 1 year ago
...Its just as natural if the child grew up in a abusive household were the father beat the mother-and because of it, the child would think that it would be okay to beat his/her GF. But it also depends on how the child was raised too. I think Gene Simmions didnt have a dad and look how good he turned out to be. :)
Kayleahful 1 year ago
I think whats going is that a child needs the nuture and guidence of both mother and father. And if one parent is absent from the equation it wouldnt really be a suprise to see that hes more on the introvertness or even mean side. Not saying that all are, but a vast amount though....
Kayleahful 1 year ago
you answered your own question though when you said god made men he also left man a basic instructions to help him walk correctly check psalms and proverbs cause god saw that the flesh was sinful its knowledge of the lord who makes man a true man that the blackwoman can truely be compatable with.
saintcharles1000 1 year ago
I had to grow up without a father or a mother but in science when you take a piece of black coal and put it under heavy pressure over time either two things will happen the coal will be crushed or it will turn into a diamond and today at the age of 36 i shine men are not good at talking about this topic cause there trying to look strong so they have internal anger built up and it manifest itself in different ways
saintcharles1000 1 year ago
I was raised by my Mom...no Dad...met my lady and she had 2 kids from a previous marriage, the BIO dad signed off on his own kids...so I adopted them. They're legally mine now.
VonAwesome 1 year ago
And thats why youre so Awesome Von! :-P
-Tko
TonyaTko 1 year ago
"I love hard men" That's what she said.
lithdim 2 years ago
as long as a man or woman puts her focus on the things of Christ and GROW ionHim then you can't go wrong
cAliKidd2468 2 years ago
Comment removed
mijnshit 2 years ago
Comment removed
mijnshit 2 years ago
Comment removed
mijnshit 2 years ago
Tanya - kudos to you speaking about pressing issues in society today! Only problem is that your clips are too long and really should be condensed. I personally disdain clips over 5 minutes considering I get the majority of news in under 3! Cut down your clip size for your audience and make your vlogs concise! Otherwise - keep up the good work! Cheers
LucaviAD 2 years ago
whoops! I accidentally posted that as I was editing it, lol. I think you get the point though, if you have half a brain.
notebookluvr 2 years ago
Everyone, whether male or female, needs a father. I'm a woman who was raised mostly without a father. I believe that if my father had been the type of man who was around all the time to show me love, security, and what a real man should be, I wouldn't have had such a hard time recognizing a good man and wouldn't have met so many of the wrong ones. I'm 33 now and have been through so much heartbreak that I prefer to be alone. I have absolutely no desire to have a man in my life.
notebookluvr 2 years ago
Hi.You have nmo desire to have a (wrong type of men)in your life anymore i believe it because im in the same shoes as you.But i believe that in secret we both long for a perfect relationship.When there is a bad picture about the first man in your life(your dad),you are going to attract the same kind of negative man into your life.Your brain is like a magnet.You are unconsciously searching for the same kind of man that is already settled in your mind from the first experience in your life.
mayko3 2 years ago
I have no desire to have any type of man in my life. But I also don't want a good man either. I have learned from my bad experiences and can now recognize a good man, and I've even met a few recently, but I'm seriously just not interested in having a man period. There is just no part of me who wants to make time for a relationship. No desire or interest whatsoever. I have 3 children that are my main focus in life and I find that men don't fit in at the moment. That may change someday.
notebookluvr 2 years ago
Tonya,i would marry you.
tiotsiop 2 years ago
Tonya, I want to to spread your ass cheeks and fart directly into my mouth...
MissLalaloo 2 years ago
I believe that if a MAN did not have a Father in his life: he would not know how to act or be friends with other MAN in real life, or will feel not confident, and sometimes too soft when everyone looks man as strong.
Girl's without a Father, will not understand MAN, will make mistakes so early in life, will not be able to stand for her self.
This is just some of negative effects, but there are a lot more.
thestreetdogg 2 years ago
Both Parents are Equally important to the child's Life Physically , emotionally regardless of Gender. And both Parents play a major role to prepare the child for the adult life....
Girls get hurt just as much as boy's without a Parent. It does not matter Gender.
thestreetdogg 2 years ago
theres better ways to make money, sell crack, sell your ass crack, let homeless people smoke crack on your ass(wont get you money but might make you a hot topic amongst the homeless men) do you love homeless men too? im homeless i better go before these assholes come back! but please, die
joshpod7 2 years ago
your retarded
joshpod7 2 years ago
dosent matter im fatherless too i had to fucking hurt to lern things in life unlike the other happy kids that dont have to suffer because their dad are their to teach em while i had to hurt and get stuck in the mouse trap trying to get cheese to eat while the other kids had their dad to get them food and theach em the dangers of the mouse trap..i dont let people get close to me because tell just reject me/unacceptance beacuse of the way i grew up in order survive u have to look after youreself
Sonicku 2 years ago
my father was fatherless. he was an angry child and a bullybut grew out of it and learned more constructive ways to deal with it and now he's the nicest person u can ever meet. he's my hero, i worship the ground he walks on, and he's a rare breed of man. he is so friendly and talks to EVERYONE. he realized that he didnt want to be like his father and makes a conscious effort every day not to be scum like his father was. i believe we can choose our own paths in life.
lifeofhonour4 2 years ago
Ya my Dad was fatherless, he never met him. But he didnt ask for handouts and he worked in a rock quarry for some 16 years in miami fl. Hes not mean or cold but nicer then most of my friends dads.
Rightwing123123 3 years ago
As a man who grew up fatherless, it's hurtful to see you questioning whether I'm a "Lost Cause".
Is it reasonable for *you* to even define "masculinity"? After all, I reckon you'd be upset if I asserted criteria for "A Real Woman", if they excluded you, and you we hadn't even met.
You'd be doubly upset if you felt you were a good, ethical person, having done quite well despite a rough start in life.
Triply so if I did this and presented it as intellectual discourse.
filiusfob 3 years ago
Hey, I'm only asking the question. I'm sorry if it hurt you. All you have to do is attest for the ability to be prosperous, happy, healthy etc witohut one. I am asking ppl to give their opinions. I hope you all are not a lost cause, but more and more I see the detriment left behind when mothers and/or fathers abandon their kids. In this vid Im talking about fathers but I talk about moms 2. I've seen men raised w/o the softness of a mother & its WORSE. We NEED both, I'm sorry.
jmho
-TKO
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Yeah theirs definetly a link missing when the father isnt bringing up the child. This is true for both girls and boys.There are just life experiences and knowledge that the mother can not teach.most people think its gender based like the mother must bring up the girl the father must bring up the boy but it isnt like this at all.The fathers and mothers objective is to teach and raise their children to be a better person then they ever were in their lifetime.This goes wrong without the father.
thecreepyguy 2 years ago
WE black women are to blame!i need to do a video before Obama is crowned
chanlately 3 years ago 2
1
these type of systems, child support agency, can not be stopped, but only slowed down. i'd suggest all dads, give-up their lively-hood, stop working, build-up in arrears, and demand to goto prison longterm, refuse to leave prison until demands are met. let women work and take over everything. let them pay for the entire state bill, especially, building and maintaining larger and larger prisons. let the kids sue the state, CSA. watch the national debt rise, and courts and CSA start to change.
BALANCE94015 3 years ago
i never new my father, i am 32 today and i reconise myself in what you say i grew up with my mother and two sisters, my manhood whas very hard because i whas supose to be the man of the house so i felt like i wasn't part of the family, girls like me but i feel unconfortable around them because i'm not sure about myself like most men raised with no dad ps excuse my mestaks i am from france
babalove75 3 years ago
There are two sides of that coin. The boys who had to step up and be the man of the house at a young age seem hardened because of a difficult life at an early age but what ive found is that the men with no fathers who bond with there mothers and are very close with them but dont have the pressure of being a little adult are better adjusted. That is just my opinion though.
krissy4nik 3 years ago
That's an interesting take. I gotta think about that one, and apply a few people I know to this theory.
-Tko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Come on!! Take a look at Barack Obama he is a fatherless. How could you even begin to generalize all men based on the few you have dated? I think you make some incredibly ignorant and naive statements.Of course if you come from a broken home the chances you will be well adjusted is less then if you had but not a guarantee.
welsh4360 3 years ago
well this is a great topic.. although just because you grow up without a father, does not make it fear to say that that kid is withdrawn, or emotionally cold. When you think about it some kid are worse when they grow up with a father, for the reason that maybe the kids father grew up with a rough dad and so in that case the father woth be emotionally cold with his child...
MrHung562 3 years ago
Thanks for commenting. Yeah... after putting out this video and talking with others I realized that its not the presence of the father that makes the difference, but WHAT TYPE OF father he actually is... bcz he could be there... and like you said, make things WORSE!
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
hi im a 29 year old fother and i dont know my dad at all my mom sed he was not the dad so i grou up with out a dad i have a 5 year old baby girl and i promest my sealf i will allwas be thar for my baby girl she means the world to me and to top it all off my wife is devorseing me i did not cheat or any thing she just wonts to mov on
Madmaxya 3 years ago
I really hope, people don't listen to this nonsense. You make illogical statements and jump to conclusions, yet you ask people not to respond harshly. Perhaps you should open up and screen the men you date, as not all "fatherless" men are cold-you paint a very sinister picture. This video is simply revolting, enough for me to unsubscribe. Perhaps you should do some research, or maybe read a book on psychology or sociology. I do not need your pity, and I doubt others need it to. Pathetic...
T76 3 years ago
Struck a nerve eh?
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
I suppose you can say that, I am glad you find it funny. How sad.
T76 3 years ago
You don't see me laughing. Did you see an LOL or a smiley? Seems to me you are sensitive and maybe a little self conscious.
-TonyaTKo
TonyaTko 3 years ago
When someone says "struck a nerve eh", it comes across as sarcastic. I try and give you the benefit of the doubt. Who are you to try to analyze me, based on a two sentence response. How can you derive that? Don't try and hurt me, what a pathetic attempt too. Err, I guess the world accepts you, sadly!
T76 3 years ago
this video wos cool i liked it
Madmaxya 3 years ago
...........
bigchris3121 3 years ago
yea i think thats a lil off idk the guys u talk to..but if ur being raised without a father and only a mother wouldnt it think it would make a man more respectful to women in most cases i would assume thats true...i know for sure thats the case when it comes to me.
bigchris3121 3 years ago
One would think so. But I have found this not to be the case. But one thing I have learned is that it also depends on the quality of the interaction with the father, even if he IS in the picture.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
This one is deep for me. Like everything else everyone is diffrent so just cause a dude has a father there doesn't mean hes all the way put together. I know guys who come from 2 parents households who are damn near 30 and still selling crack when they can kids and could lose it all over a quick buck. My one homie had his father but he wasn't shit and was a burden on his family but the young man is doing well and in school most likely because he saw that he didn't want to be like his father.
youchosedeath 3 years ago
Hey TonyaTko, some of the guys I know that didn't have a father figure in their life, portray a tough image cause while growing up they hook up with the wrong crowds. At times a mother don't know what to do with this behavior, in which makes the male ego stronger. Movies don't really help either, some tend to follow what they see. Some do change as they get older, but not all...peace.
raidersnation71 3 years ago
Black women need to be selective. I know I will get flame for that comment but fuck it.
Bloodsport1 3 years ago
Can you please explain that?
youchosedeath 3 years ago
Happily. Black women need to stop fucking with men who act like children then when they get pregnant they act surprise when they deny they're the child father. Stop sleeping with these thug type of men.
Bloodsport1 3 years ago 2
I argree but you have to understand that it is a 2 way street and its a type of women that get caught in that game and they need to elevate themselfs so theyre not that type of girl. A Women who is put together herself wouldn't fall for that bullshit and a girl who likes that type of guy pretty much deserves what he gives her.
youchosedeath 3 years ago
You right its a 2 way street but women does the choosing so she have the power. To be honest women with a good job do fall for that type of men because some men may not be full pledged thugs or be a thug with a good paying job. 70% of black children are raised by single mothers not because they was marry or in a serious relationship. Black men too have to get their shit together also.
Bloodsport1 3 years ago
Ok, Tonya I am a fatherless male, or maybe I should rephrase that, I have a father that was absent from my life...It has made me a better father, a person that took responsibility in life, it made me the Man that I am, a good father, and good provider..I think perhaps you have had a bad experience with one person...I love ya and your thoughts that you share...But you asked, so I shared
NYFilmaker 3 years ago
Well, I am not a man, but I am fatherless. I just have my mother.
ownedpl0x11 3 years ago
How men treat woman is based on their collective view of woman in general. If in his mind woman are tricks and gold diggers then he will treat them as such. The focus should not just be on absent father's but all the factors that contribute to this negative view of woman.
MrFallenAngel 3 years ago
I was raised without my father and I'm not going to lie because not having him around did make me cry sometimes. One thing I did do though was promise myself that everything that he wasn't or anything that he didn't do I would do the complete opposite. I believe as a man it is your job to keep your woman happy and provide for her, I also want to have kids and be there for them whenever they might need me. I owe everything that I am to my mother because she stepped up and was both my mom and dad.
numbah223 3 years ago
Wow... I applaud you. Thank you for sharing. I know its not easy.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Thank you, I think the hardest thing for me wasn't not having him around but the fact that I was considered just another statistic, a black male who's father was imprisoned and my mother being a single mother of 4 children
numbah223 3 years ago
A father-less male can grow up to make something out of his life, no mattew how much potential he achieves he will never reach his ultimate because he didn't have his father, he will forever be a puzzle missing a piece he may think he is complete because he had someone to act in the "place" of his father but he will never be the same
singingdabluez 3 years ago
Tonya,
Please check out this book "motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. I lost my mom at age 8 and never regained that mother-daughter connection with another female. i'm now in my 30s and the book has really helped me to realize the things that were going on with me that I wasn't 100% aware of.
nia7g 3 years ago
Thank you so much. I appreciate that! Im going to check that out.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
You're quite welcome. Let me know how you make out.
nia7g 3 years ago
Hey Tonya, I know what you're talking about; but the natural instinct is to find what you are missing in your life. I lost my mom when I was young and my dad wasn't around much; but I found the nurturing and love I needed in my grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and my grandfather. Some are raised by and taught by older brothers and sisters or aunts and uncles. There is always hope. If it 'takes a village', then the loss of one or two shouldn't impede one's full growth, if others will stand in
robertantonnyc 3 years ago
Thank you for this much needed new viewpoint. I guess we all have a natural set of human needs that we DO get filled... somehow. And the thoughts about the village are an interesting way to put it. Thank you and much love brother
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Tonya: Bless your heart for raising this subject.
I have written a piece entitled "Fatherless By Design"
There are reasons why this affects the black community more disproportionately than other ethnic groups. REASONS
BreathOfOurAncestors 3 years ago
Can you shed some light brother Ty Gray-El
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Tonya, my husband from age 9 up went without his father, then his mom remarried which only lasted a short while. His mother tried her hardest to do the best she could in the situations that arose, and I think she did a wonderful job with my husband to the point where he has stood up to be the father to my oldest son, who never even met his dad. My husband is understanding, loving and kind to me and our children. So there is hope! :)
spring1978ukma 3 years ago
Wow... THANK You for that!
'
Your post warmed my heart.
-TonyaTKo
TonyaTko 3 years ago
--- now -- that's where the question --begins-- Is it too late! The Most High Bless and keep you ---Amen _Ra
Spade0007 3 years ago
Thank you so much for that well thought out and articulated response. I Feel what you are saying about the break down of the village. I have learned from this post that it is also quality over quantity.
Thank you very much for commenting.
-TOnyaTKo
TonyaTko 3 years ago
--but with mom and dad both working --two jobs-- who is going to raise little Johnny ---The Source is Merciful -- you have a few ---Who make it --All Praise to the Almighty --The Most High--- Like Your dad Tonya --but he -is - a special case --for the most part --the rest of us --have a price to pay --
Simply put --something is missing---- weather or not we can help that person --be whole— be they man or woman
Spade0007 3 years ago
--In American society ---what we see is the breaking down of the family!
The breaking down of the village ---if some else kid is doing wrong---that is there kids ---and for most of the problems --lets blame --TV—lets blame --music --which their is much truth -- to that statement.
Spade0007 3 years ago
--however --there is no one who can replace --a loving and caring father ---no one who can replace a loving and caring mother! --do we have a problem --yes we do ---In days of old and today in some cases the child is raise by the family --were everybody plays a role—when I was growing up my uncle was like a dad to me --he had the right --to give me a "Beating" if I did wrong --my aunt also --had that right
Spade0007 3 years ago
like wise --the uncle --grandfather can play --the Father --role --to be real --If A young male as a positive male figure in his life from a early age --that male figure will help his development
Spade0007 3 years ago
That's the truth --when compare to a tree ----My thought is --it takes a --male and female to --make a baby --so male and female --is the best thing for the baby's growth and development—now if the natural mother is dead --or she leaves --like wise the natural dad --then a aunty --can play the mother role --or grand mother --
Spade0007 3 years ago
meaning it starts young --and it is also a warning --don't leg the tree --grow in a certain direction ------- if the tree is growing left and you want the tree to grow straight up ---
The longer it grows left --when --you try bend it right --to make it straight --you might brake it --or --it could be too late --to be bend!--
Spade0007 3 years ago
There is so many --ways --so many --direction --to go with --this--..
You making us --think --long --and --hard Tonya!---First off --is their hope—yea --I could like to think there is hope --because --I'm a positive --person --but the truth is --that --I always hear the older folks --say " you have to bend a tree from it is young"----
Spade0007 3 years ago
Thank you my lil spitfire! I always love hearing from yu.
Thank you for delving in to this perspective.
I am beginning to realize it is QUALITY over quantity in terms of parenting. Seriously.
-TonyaTKo
TonyaTko 3 years ago
OMG Tonya --there is not enough --"room" to answer --
this question--
Spade0007 3 years ago
Well at least try.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Good video! I've been lucky enough to have both parents. My wife lost her father but she was already an adult so we haven't had it rough like others. We thank God for that and pray for those who aren't so lucky. You're right about men being different when not having a dad. It's an unfortunate truth. It's also very unfortunate that more and more kids are growing up in single parent homes.
foley15136 3 years ago
At 4:47 you hit the nail on the head. You stated that your father was an orphan, but the essence that I got from your statement was that your experiences with your father are not the same experiences as that you have found with modern men who were orphaned.
Without attempting to cast any disrespect on orphans or generations, I do feel in my opinion that what you're seeing is a difference in era, a generation gap so to speak. I was a "latch key" kid myself, for what that's worth.
ShiekUrBooty 3 years ago
When I say my dad was an orphan... he had no mother... no father. Orphan.
Maybe it is generational... there were no gangs on his island to take him in... but on second thought he was a boxer so maybe he had anger issues
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
"When I say my dad was an orphan... he had no mother... no father. Orphan."
That's tough, your dad seems to turned out very well, even his brother the "rum devil" seemes to have survived it well.
Not picking on the current generation, once again I think that this generation is different from generations of past.
ShiekUrBooty 3 years ago
My twin brother and I grew up whith out never seing our father. But we grew up fine. Maybe its the people we grew up with like friends and other family that helped. Now life was NOT like the boy you show in your video with him outside on the ground ALONE.."lol" it was never like that
GerardFreeman 3 years ago
I think sometimes men without fathers tend to be spoiled...B/c I feel that mothers are the nurturers and sometimes try to overcompensate for the lack of a father figure. And men that have been spoiled their whole lives by their mothers expect that from women they date or they just are unappreciative of women...Maybe causing them to come across a ungentlemenly...
But I'm not saying all men that were raised by single mother are like this. Just a few.
diamonmagic 3 years ago
It's so complicated. I know men who grew up without a father and became the men/fathers/husbands they would want their dads to be (they broke the pattern). Some of the most messed up men and women I've known were raised by both parents, but either one of these parents was messed up or both (abusive dad, alcoholic mom).
SheRocks07 3 years ago
So even if I believe it's better for kids to have BOTH parents at home, maybe the most important thing is simply having REAL LOVE and PEACE in the home, regardless of who raises the kids. I'll give an example using "visible" people, Alicia Keys grew up fatherless, Britney grew up with both parents. Look at who became a wise lady and who ended up being messed up. The Jacksons had a father at home, he was abusive, most are messed up. REAL LOVE & PEACE at home is probably all that really matters.
SheRocks07 3 years ago
ahahahah!!! Thank you so much for this humorous yet thought-provoking comment!
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
I just met my father yesterday
for the first time in 17 years but
but I am a woman
so meh~
morganrules52 3 years ago
DONT KEEP US IN SUSPENSE!!!
What happened???
How was it!!??
How are you?
-TOnyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
My mother raised me. My father was physically present in the house, but he hardly cared a lick for me and the other kids he conceived with other women. I have discovered brothers and sisters that I never knew as a child because he tried to cover up his infidelity.
I think it has affected me because I myself don't feel I would be a good father.
khussett 3 years ago
What are you going to do to break the pattern?
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
unilaterally....i've heard many stories of horror and courage out of families...those who love you and care for you isnt always blood either... i've seen many become the very thing they hate in their parents annnnnnd i've seen others with courage/conviction break the cycle to become better human beings INSPITE OFF
you may not always control the hand you're delt but how you play in the end is still up to you
MC0090 3 years ago 2
Thank you for this so eloquently written response. How are your interpersonal relationships with women? Does it matter when a person knows that the father is no where around on earth... as opposed to living a full life elsewhere just not wanting to be involved
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
i've got no problem with women they rank up there next to sunrises and moonlit nights...my best friends have been women, in alot of ways i prefer them to men...and in retrospect i would hope the person who knows the pain of not having a father is very real_he/she would have enuff emotive intelligence to understand while forces where beyond the control of one not being around...the other clearly made a distinct choice not to be around proving any man can make a child not many can be a father
MC0090 3 years ago
Quick question, dont be offended:
were you a momma's boy?
Just curious bcz someone added the thought earlier
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
I only ask bcz you stated you PREFER women to men... sounds like you like to be snuggled up.
-TonyaTko
ps... hows your sister in terms of dating & relating... and also how do you think things would be diff mentally if you knew your pops was living it up elsewhere as opposed to having passed away?
TonyaTko 3 years ago
my sister is married happily and has a baby girl [4yo going on 20]she wasn't in the market very long as she met her husband to be @ college ...her hubby is a great guy decent hard working_this is a very deep question even if its hypothetical ??? 2 kids come out the same womb but react to the world diffrently_ we didnt have everything but wanted for nothing ...we had nana and a larger extended bloodline too.... i suspect we would,ve been ok anyway even if HE made the choice not to be around
MC0090 3 years ago
ur welcome.....and thank you TKO
MC0090 3 years ago
my dad passed away when i was 6 [ and my baby sister 3] my mom did it all on her own with no man...today we are both college educated and productive members of society thats why i honor and respect my mom ...she has showed us with grace that goodness by definition isnt a trendy pop idiom its real/tangible and its effect on others is like life giving rain_ i hope i can be half the parent she is when that time comes ..............great post tonya
MC0090 3 years ago
theres alot of variables in involved_and blanket generalizations however relative to personal experience dont always pan out_i know single parent housholds whose kids are well adjusted adults and two parent households who're slowly building monsters with twisted values like wise ive seen situations were kids/adults came from the very best single/two parent tiers and they go out and literally self destruct ...the human dynamic is a mystery
MC0090 3 years ago
It hurts when your own father don't want to know you, but after years without him I can life with it.I try to be a better one for my children.That's all I can do (iguess)
Yoshiro83 3 years ago
Did someone tell you that it wasn't your fault? That he is in fact the inadequate one missing out on one of the greatest joys bestowed upon a person lucky enough to become a parent.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
maybe you only hate the ignorance and attitudes of these people. if you hate sombody because of their race then you are confused mang
boooya777 3 years ago
I never met a fatherless man who wanted to talk about being fatherless. Of course, I had a white dad and being perceived as black there were some male experiences I had that he did not have -- but I am blessed to have had two parents who love each other.
TayZonday 3 years ago
Awe thank you Tay for this NEW perspective! Having a father but one who was not able to be aligned with unrelatable circumstances. Interesting... so what did you do?
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
you can tell that your parents were very loving, it shows up in your work and your talents, Tay.
LuvSealsSoaps 3 years ago
I think you get a variety of every kind of person from every type of family. I really don't think it matters because some who have fathers or mothers don't turn out better with parents and vice versa.. Just depends on the up bringing regardless of who's raising you
nappymean 3 years ago
Whoa Whoa Whoa, first off... A wise person once told me that a person who has issues with a a number of other people (in this case, the men Tonya dates) then that person IS more than likely the person. I do so enjoy the show though Tonya. You do very much seem to think through what it is that you would like to say so that it is well stated and seems like the right thing to say, but in reality, and I am sure that many people who have met you will agree, it is a complete FRONT ie...NOT REALLY YOU!
asspylonker 3 years ago
Thank you very much for your confrontational response, I appreciate all angles.
There is no sin for people existing in the world. The sin would be if I involved myself in certain situations and stay in them blaming other people. Noticing a wreck and staying clear doesn't mean we caused the wreck
I hope this cleared up some things for you AssyPlonker (?)
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Any child who grows up without a father, male or female, does not fully develop. Even if the father is not the childs biological father that child still needs a fatherly influence. Sometimes a grandfather or uncle can suffice in this situation. I know this because my two nephews are without their fathers, for different reasons. They learn because I help them learn how to be good young men. It is not a knock on the mothers, many times the situation is unavoidable.
PictishPrince 3 years ago
I have noticed just from interacting with people that single parent homes, regardless of whether its mother or father gone, tend to produce children who are wanting in some way for something in their lives. I do not lay blame because it is not my place to judge. The family unit has become degraded over succesive generations and is in need of being brought back into popular culture. No more do you see Pop culture praising the Parent/Child relationship. Pop culture seems to be all about rebellion.
PictishPrince 3 years ago
Thank you very much prince for sharing... btw... when is that high-end camera you got going to make its debut?
;-)
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Even with a high end camera I am not a film maker. You, on the other hand, can use any camera and make a movie that people will enjoy.
PictishPrince 3 years ago
girl, i love you
MILFHUNTER947 3 years ago
My follow up question would be: What does it mean to be a "whole" man?
GlobellePrize 3 years ago
I grew up fatherless due to divorce. I'm also 32 (female, though), and up until my mid 20s I felt I could only relate deeply to other "broken" people. Every single one of my close friends was also missing a parent.
I don't think it is a hopeless situation, but one that is VERY DIFFICULT to address. Men deal with problems so much differently than women. I've tried to be a catalyst for positive change in certain close male friends' lives, but at the time, they could not see themselves clearly.
GlobellePrize 3 years ago
Yes... I have found that trying to 'help' people who cannot help themselves is no help at all to them or myself.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
rev. jesse jackson grew up w/o a father ,he turned out okay, didn't he?
WALL2WALLSPORTS 3 years ago
This is not a fair assessment, I don't think any of us know what Jesse Jackson is like in his personal life... unless you're one of those many illegitimate kids we keep hearing about :@)
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
I never hade a father,but i hade many possitive male roll models in my life.I decided at an early age 0f 15 that i would never have children outside of marriage because i want my future children to know and see both of their parents in love with each other.I have decided to be that roll model that my father couldnt be.Most of the time a child is effected neg when one or both parents are not involved in the development of that child.But thanks to my mom i have faired ok so far.
mallen4000 3 years ago
That's really intersting for you to bring up Tonya. Well I grew up with both parents in the house but mmy dad was an angry, short tempered person. I believe he did his best to raise us, but in the end, my family is very dysfunctional. On the other side, my older half brother grew up without his dad. But now he is a wonderful husband and father of two. I belive there is hope for them. Some men take their father's action or inaction as a warning and grow up to be bettter than their dads were.
Cybria1 3 years ago
Thank you for sharing Cybria... I guess sometimes LESS is MORE
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
That's really intersting for you to bring up Tonya. Well I grew up with both parents in the house but mmy dad was an angry, short tempered person. I believe he did his best to raise us, but in the end, my family is very dysfunctional. On the other side, my older half brother grew up without his dad. But now he is a wonderful husband and father of two. I belive there is hope for them. Some men take their father's action or inaction as a warning and grow up to be bettter than their dads were.
Cybria1 3 years ago
one of my closer friends has grown up without a father and he is neglected by his mother. he can be very disrespectful towards women, but whenever he is around my family he is very kind and respectful...I also have a classmate who has grown up without a father and he is just the opposite, he is one of the nicest most genuine guys i've ever met in my life so i think it can be different in particular situations
zadrazil 3 years ago
I do have my Mom and Dad. They are still together, but I still believe it takes a whole village to has one child, male or female. Great Vid. Much needed.
AVTPro 3 years ago
argh..typos the old african provide it takes a whole village to race on child. Actually I mentor several young "bewildered" artist. I didn't realize, but I was do actually lead and guide them. I only noticed it today, when I ran into one. He was doing good, going to artshool, working, and taking care of his health. I push him to speaking assertively and clearly. you know, confidence.
AVTPro 3 years ago
Being a man raised without a father by a mother who worked two jobs I can say some of your points are on. At an early age I looked after siblings and would go weeks without seeing my mother.
The troubles I have as an adult is not having an example of how to be a man. I struggle with what it is to be a man.
eyeseafilms 3 years ago
It's been hard to find good role models.
eyeseafilms 3 years ago
This all might be a class-issue.
Lower Socio-economic-status: fatherlessness may lead to hardness.
Upper Socio-economic-status: fatherlessness may lead to egocentrism.
Just examples. What I'm saying is, class and culture will effect a man/woman just as much (or more) that fatherlessness. However, all that means is, it's a complex issue. Fatherlessness + socio economic status + cultural influences = how you turn out. It's not a one-point issue.
giantposer 3 years ago
I have to co-sign this perspective.
LuvSealsSoaps 3 years ago
It depends on the father. I personally think my life would've been much easier without the father I have the misfortune to have. It's all relative...
johnjohnb1 3 years ago
Wow... thank you for introducing this alternate view... sometimes its BETTER not to have certain fathers around
-TOnyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I had to provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Sean: Why?
Will: Cause fuck him, that' why.
boooya777 3 years ago
great video
my mama and daddy split up when i was a baby
and yeah its possible for a girl to grow up without a man in her life i mean he comes around more now but its possible
you know its nice to have that father figure but you can live without it most definitely and same for a boy i have friends that have that problem
OmarisAngel07 3 years ago
As a woman who grew up without a father, it has been somewhat difficult. The Huxtables became my ideal family. If I dated you during my twenties and you were not like my ideal man then I ended the relationship. It wasn't until I entered my thirties that I realized that a good relationship will have ups and downs, ins and outs,you name it. But I had to learn this through trial and error. Luckily I wasn't a woman who succumbed to every man who showed me attention because of a lack of a father.
mzsuzuki 3 years ago
Wow, thank you so much for sharing.
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
they say that most women and most men look to get involved with people who most likely compare to their mother or father. you mention your ideal man, who is he?
boooya777 3 years ago
My ideal man is a man who has imperfections but who is perfect to me! He is also a man who cannot solve problems in a 30 minute time period!
mzsuzuki 3 years ago
There is hope, however but I think people must realize that we have to change ourselfs. Children are a mirror of who we are in truth. Children don't just grow up doing bad things if a child grows up to be a user or abuser of women he learned it from somewhere his environment and upbringing played a part. I know some insecure women and men who raise their sons to be tuff fearing that their children will get picked on by other kids.
They raise their boys to be fighters.
mazaradiflash 3 years ago 2
Thank you very much for your well thought-out input mazarad. Someone else stated that all-to-often people are raised with parents being busy and television sitcoms and music videos fill their gap of questions they have no one to ask and thus become the standard for how they feel things should be
What are your thoughts on that?
-TonyaTko
TonyaTko 3 years ago
my parents split before i was born and as a child i only saw my dad every other sunday, so i suppose you could say that i was fatherless because he stopped seeing me for a few years.This made me sad but i respect women greatly to this day, because my mom taught me morals and bought me up well.I think that kids without parent have this problem because they have no one to ask questions, or to look up to.Dads can only do so much for their kids, but i think its the moms which make the difference
dimz11 3 years ago
Fresh Prince - Will and his dads final words / check out that video on youtube. it always makes me cry
boooya777 3 years ago
Environment is important also. I've seen children who live in households where a shady, drunk and violent relative comes around raising havic. Some people are careless about who they allow around their children. Now, when it comes to sex unscrupulous sexual activity this opens the door for this type of thing. You have to understand that what we do has an impact on others including children born and unborn.
mazaradiflash 3 years ago
I think it depends on who's raising that man. If he is being raised by a somewhat or fully immoral person in a volatile environment he will be a product of his environment but if he is raised by a moral person in a warm and safe environment He may turn out better. I don't believe that women can't do the job on their own because they may have to and therefore I believe that women are fully capable of raising positive children. But
mazaradiflash 3 years ago
There is a huge difference between women I date do had fathers and those who different. Women without dads are very clingy very needy some even have lashed out at me when I leave to go home or tell them I am going to bed. Some of these women I was not sexually with they just are very needy. Women with dads who love them seem to be much stronger. They demanded respect, they didn't just allow you to make decisions for them. They had a foundation behind them and that was daddy.
Twannalanz 3 years ago 2