The Hallway

[disposophobic]

I am a hoarder and I have a whole different approach. Some senior centers have social workers and sometimes Adult Protective Services can help. But throwing everything out can result in suicide or distrust of any help ever. Hopefully there would be a way to call for an evaluation,. Some police stations have PET or another type of team ( Psychiatric Evaluation Team) to call if someone is a danger to themselves or others. They respond within hours. Seeking help by seeing your own therapist....

[DasTuppen]

i am upset because my parents hoard some stuff, and have way too much clutter....i have to live with them because i disabled, i try to throw stuff out when they are not looking....its overwhelming because i get rid of stuff and clean house and they just bring more stuff in and make house dirty

[vcmay626]

Ok, so if I see this in my intelligent, charming, self sufficient parent's home, I am supposed to report them to the authorities and have them thrown to the mercy (yea; right) of government agencies. If I do this to my parents (for their own good), then when will the authorities pound on MY door to take control of my life (for my own good) because I have some irrational thinking behaviors that I have a right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

[H0arders0n]

@vcmay626 Thanks for the comment. As with many forms of mental illness, there are important issues of independence and personal autonomy that need to be considered before intervening or involving the authorities. It is not something that I recommend casually. Indeed, had I not been so respectful of my mom's autonomy over the years, perhaps her situation would not have become so dire. FWIW, I am probably a bigger defender of the idea that "a person's home is their castle" than are most people.

[H0arders0n]

@vcmay626 PS. Despite the issues of personal autonomy that you and I both raised, I definitely think that it is important to intervene when children are involved, particularly if they are living in dangerous or unhealthy environments, e.g. fire hazards, surrounded by animal waste, fleas, mold, lack of heat or hot water, etc., many of which are often found in severe hoarding cases. I wish someone had done so when I was growing up.

[TSM8088]

I'm sure with the regular visits you made there you were aware of her situation. Seems you waited until she had an accident before intervening. I agree with you, this is as much your fault as hers.

[H0arders0n]

@TSM8088 My mom hadn't allowed anyone in her home in several years. Keep in mind that many hoarders often remain legally competent, which severely limits what other people can accomplish. One thing that has become apparent is that even when authorities/psychologists intervene, benefits are usually temporary, and sometimes fruitless. It's a very, very difficult situation. PS. When you grow up in this situation, it can also be hard to distinguish a crisis from the routine. Every day is both!

[Rudewomantt]

@TSM8088

Be aware how well these people can hide their passion for collecting.

Moreover, they usually want absolutely no help from those who are dearest to them.

Therefore I find it hard when others (who often do not know what it's like to see this from someone who is verry close to them) the children are guilty too ....

[bravecat100]

I wouldn't call the authorities because I don't know how they'll treat her. But if the authority is the only people that will scare her, then it's a good idea.

[SWEJEHTKCUF]

time to send her to shady pines

[H0arders0n]

Thanks for your concern. She's been in a nursing home for a while now.

[learningtoliveaga100]

im a child of a organized hoarder. it is so sad because my parents could be living much better than they are. The house is clean, but there is a lot of clutter. They won't downsize, and things would be so much better financially if they did.

[HattieLovesCattie]

@learningtoliveaga100 I'm doing that now but its slow.I am trying to downsize and get rid of stuff before I put my house on the market.Goodwill is coming by today and taking some old furniture so its a start.I take things down to GW every now and then too.

[learningtoliveaga100]

thank you for this.

child of a organized hoarder.

[Allacra]

Thank you for sharing this video.

~ Child of hoarder

[kamloopsbrad]

Thats harsh.

[hackettboyz]

I'm glad that you've been brave enough to make other people aware of this problem. I spend my working week dealing with homes that are like this, and often considerably 'worse'. Because we are busy with our own lives, or sometimes live away from our family, it is amazing how common this situation is. All I can say as a professional clearer is take a little time, if you can, to gently keep an eye out for anyone who doesn't seem to have anyone else around them.

[StephanieLeighFromEG]

so tragic. i'm always so afraid this will happen to my mother one day... my brother and i live with her now so we can keep things under control for the most part. she's getting help and i can only wait and hope....

sorry to hear about your mother's help... but glad to see your family has rallied to eliminate this problem for her

[norasee]

In 4/08 my grandmother had a stroke & was hospitalized. My mom & I flew to FLA from LA to be with her. We found the same hoarding in her condo. And, like your mother, she laid there for two days. Unfortunately, neither we (nor anyone else) knew she was living like that. About a week later my grandmother died and it took us a month to clean out her 2 b/r condo. The hoarding was devastating b/c we couldn't ask her why. So thanks for posting and I hope y'all got your mom the help she needed.

[HattieLovesCattie]

@norasee This happens when the kids are miles away from their parents and don't keep a good eye on them.

[vcmay626]

@norasee Maybe somebody needed to be checking on grandma and everybody was too busy to care. Somebody could have asked her if she needed some help while she was still alive.

[H0arders0n]

@vcmay626 I wouldn't necessarily be so hard on norasee. It may be true that keeping a closer eye on grandma could have helped, it may also be true that grandma would have turned away any attempts to help, as was the case with my mom. Hoarding can be a truly heartbreaking phenomenon.

[Galaor58]

My former land lady in boarding house was a compulsive junk collector; her garage was full of old vacuum cleaners, old matresses, cribs, old & obsolete cassette players that it was not possible to walk in there. She would even glue her broken plates & glass in framed pictures & put them back on display in the living room. She hoarded the left over small pieces of tile when her floor was redone but never did anyting with them other than hoard them.

[doobiesnax]

credit history and i wouldnt be able to leave by getting a house loan or getting an apartment. wow, my heart really goes out to you for having to deal with that cleanup situation you have right there. this place really needs the same attention as yours... good luck my friend.

[H0arders0n]

Thanks for the good wishes. It's interesting to see how some hoarding parents try to sabotage their kids' efforts to have their own lives. Your mom isn't the only one! Good luck to you, and best wishes for taking control of your own life. Don't let your mom keep you prisoner!

[megaswenson]

Dude! Are you saying you dug into a dirt wall in your basement, and basically live in a cave? And your mom's to blame? Do you have a job? I'm wondering is some organization that helps the working poor would be interested in helping you out.

Horrible! It's like all the moms who want their kids to be fat and ugly, so they will always be ALONE and need their mommas (I think there are tens of millions of those...).

[H0arders0n]

No, I don't live in her basement. I live in another state. My mom wasn't poor, and neither am I. My mom has a serious mental disorder called compulsive hoarding. She is very intelligent, can be extremely charming, and, until a series of strokes, was quite self-sufficient, aside from having this thoroughly irrational inability to throw things away. Much like alcoholism, it's not something that is easy to fix, even with lots of money and effort. The person with the problem has to want to fix it.

[megaswenson]

Sorry, H0arders0n, I think I was responding to someone who said he'd had to dig out a hole in his Mom's basement to live in, because she had sabotaged his credit by hiding bills so he couldn't pay them, which made him unemployable.

[H0arders0n]

Oh, sorry about that. The way my web browser rendered this page, it looked like your comment was on the video itself, not on another comment. I just tried a different browser, and see what you were talking about. My mistake! Thanks for straightening things out.

[doobiesnax]

oh my god dude, my mom seen this one video on dr phil or something today its called hoarders by melissa or something and she said how sorry she is and she is so embarrassed by this and this house ive grown up in has become so delapidated and over packed with stuff, i ended up hollowing out a giant hole here in the basement for my room about 3 years ago and its exactly the same way...ive been trying to move out for some time, but she hid bills that were adressed to me so it would ruin my

[pinkisevul]

My mom is the same way and my brother still lives in the house. It's been that way for at least a decade. Have you considered hiring a professional organizer?

[H0arders0n]

Hi pinkisevul, Thanks for the comment. Due to the poor condition of the house, my mom is out of that house now, and her failing health limits her ability to gather a new hoard. I had considered hiring a companies that specializes in cleaning out houses like this, but our family decided to do most of the cleaning ourselves. Before my mom's health failed, a professional organizer would have been out of the question. My mom hadn't let any outsiders enter the house in at least 25 years.

[iamonlinew]

I have the same disorder, though not quite as extreme. I have a phobia of throwing things away. It's very difficult to deal with and unless you have it you cannot imagine how hard it is to "just throw things away."

[wayclean]

I'm so glad you found her when you did. I hope she gets the help she needs.

[Hipnawtic]

Yes...you're right, not to mention that there are many health risks posed in this kind of environment i.e. insects, trash, dust etc.

[miluluke]

Thanks for sharing your story. All I can say is that I will keep you and your Mom in my prayers.

She is very blessed to have a son who cares about her the way you do.

[H0arders0n]

Thank you for your kind words and for your prayers.

-HS

[cyrex94]

Yes very rare to have people who care, I am sorry that your mum got to that state and glad that she is doing ok now

all the best to you all

[Freebird2202]

I am dealing with this now with my mom. She is very clean and her "stuff" is probably worth money but it has taken over her home and social life. Spending hours upon hours sorting & making lists of her overwhelming number of items. Her home is buried with boxes of items ~ many still with tags. She has faced up to her condition but the constant decisions and stress regarding every item is literally making her ill but there is hope. My heart goes out to you and your mom. Thanks for sharing.

[smallsville]

This is a genetic disorder called Obsessive Compulsive disorder. This is something that is treatable but I understand is not curable. One or both may have the specialized Hoarding disorder. It is unfortunate that your mother wasn't able to receive treatment before your involvement. I hope that they will get cognitive behavioral therapy to prevent this from happening again.

[H0arders0n]

Thanks for the good wishes. Unfortunately, my mom does not believe that she has a problem, so we are left trying to do our best to protect her from herself, and she refuses CBT. (Sigh) The hoarding disorder is complex, and recent research suggests that it differs from traditional OCD in a number of criteria, including brain activity patterns. There may be a genetic link to hoarding, but more research needs to be done to verify it.

[homeofgoodies]

People like that need to be supervised. That is ridiculous. THat is TOTALLY nasty! I can not believe people find that condition is normal!  I can imagine the smell.

[mak101376]

So what should someone do? I have just discovered my mom and her partner are compulsive hoarders. Two of them living together, both in their 50's. It scares me and I don't know what to do. :(

[dustbunnieboo]

Glad your mother is okay now. Thanks for warning people about this.

[toonbobo]

thank you for this video. my mom and brother just cleaned out my grandmas house last weekend and it was just like this. the sad thing is my mom already cleaned it once before about 17 years ago.

[MessoftheHouse]

How old was your mother when she fell? I am starting to get professional advice for my parents situation (they are in their mid-50's with a 14 year old daughter). Not to turn you into an expert, but I would appreciate your opinion on my parents situation. In your opinion, is it too early to seriously intervene? The low level help-when-I'm-home and make-a-plan-with-them seems to have failed. Please take a look at my videos (more coming) and give your opinion.

[H0arders0n]

Hi MotH, Sorry to take so long getting back to you. Since your folks are pretty young, there's probably a very long road ahead. Unfortunately, there aren't too many years left for your sister to be a teenager. Start by seeing if your sis wants to talk about the situation -- not necessarily about an intervention, just give her a chance to talk about how she feels/copes. That will help you figure out what to do next. Good luck!

[sisofphil]

Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. I remember you from the Yahoo group.

[notmeagainthistime]

Yes, I agree. Deal with it now and not when she is gone and that has to be cleaned and picked through. My grandmother was the same way and it was horrible for her and her siblings.