On the days I'm not depressed, it's kinda like I live in ignorance. I put on an act to cover for the pathetic failure at life I really am. However there's always this thought in my head that says, "Ok I've been through so much pain and torment in my life, maybe life will be kind to me one day by letting achieve all my goals ans dreams. Maybe all those hard times were just a test. A cruel, gruelling test that I can look back on one day in relief and pride, knowing I passed it".
Hey, I'm a freshman in high school and i've been battling depression for 4 years. I became suicidal last year, but forced my emotions away. I'm done hiding. I'm done fighting. I'm done with those horrible people that call you their friends. Once I find a way, I'm going to finally end it all. I just wanted to say goodbye to someone, and wanted to see if anyone would care enough to reply.
I'd rather have someone convince me that continuing on is better than existing in this world feeling useless, unwanted, unloved, alone, different from everyone else and not understood. All I ever get from therapists is the same story that I am important, loved, not alone, and that I should live for another day because I might miss out on something wonderful in the future. Isn't it amazing then that after 5 decades of life there is still nothingness.
What will happen? We push aside our sadness for a little bit? No! There is NO WAY OUT!!! No way but death. To much has happened. Everyone looks at me and sees a dumb little girl that starts fights with everyone about anything and everything. But that stops me from committing suicide. Then they yell at me. I scream back "Shut up!!! You don't know why I act like this!!!" I just DO NOT want special treatment! I wanna die, and when I decide to... Nothing will stop me. Nothing. At. All.
I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is way out, you just have to search very hard to find it and it may take years. Suicide is a very unfortunate and horrible thing that people sometimes turn too because they feel hopeless just like you.Please try to tough it out, seek help from someone who cares. If there is no one, you need to find someone. Your emotions and feelings ARE valid and you don't deserve to feel like death is your only choice, no matter what's happened or what you've done.
@BetweenBliss I did try... The only person that ever stopped me just got taken away. I can't see her anymore, and her phone number is being blocked from my phone. Everyone else I talked to on my computer, On that comp my parents blocked the websites... There's no way to talk to any of them anymore. Just two nights ago I almost killed myself. Then I stopped, only for my parents. But I can't go on like this! I'm lost in a world of blackness. With one word/ question. Why?
Why is a very hard question to answer and I'm afraid I can't answer it for you. However you do have people who care about you and cherish you, even if you can't speak to them at this time. The people care about you wouldn't want to see you resort to something like that, you're important to them. Until you can see them you could always contact someone who's part of a support group or hotline if things become very bad and you want to attempt suicide again. Try to stay strong through this.
@BetweenBliss I would call someone or meet with someone. But I'm only 12 and that would mean having to involve my parents. I went the my schools consoler once, she called my parents even when I asked her not to. I just don't wanna involve my parents unless I have to, cause I don't want them to see how much their little girl is hurting, when they do everything they can to make sure I'm not hurt.
@maxXdylan And whenever I stay in my room for hours on and, my parents yell "U alive in there Mal?" I laugh, pretending that I wasnt just about to cut my wrist. Or that I was fingering a rope, wondering if there was anyplace that I could hang myself. Or while Im taking a bath, I always pretend that I wasnt thinking about drowning myself. I'm surrounded by lies. I deceive people so they don't get hurt because of me. But I cant go on like that anymore. I dont know if I should tell the truth or not
@BetweenBliss Yesterday I Was Sent To Therapist For Kinda Cutting,Slashing,Suicidal Affects.. Everytime I Go In The Shower Sit In The Bathtub While The Shower Is Running.. I Get Suicidal Because of my Past... I Don't Talk To Therapist Because I Don't Like To Open Up Alot. I Only Open Up When Im Going Crazy With Suicide Thoughts Like Now... I Got Alot Of Problems Rite Now In My Life Im Trying To Stop But Once I See Knifes Or Razors I Gotta Do It I. I Wanna Die.
@maxXdylan visit the website suicide.org.. its a beautiful website where a lotta valuable information is given.. moreover there are testimonies of wives, husbands, parents and children who have had to cope with death by suicide of a loved one.. i sincerely hope God eases your pain....
When the Pain, and the loneliness far exceeds what a person can cope. Whe the Wheels of Justice are slow, corrupt, and When NO help is available. Despite ppl who say there is... or that there is HOPE. Once Hope is gone, and You are left stripped of everything literally. The sad facts are in. The sad facts are in. Read annotations in video response.
that gets the point across so well i hate it when people think you chose it when its more like it choses you so many people dont understand wich makes it even harder to talk about
people with aspergers syndrome have a much higher rate of suicide than the general population
hplexmark1 1 month ago
On the days I'm not depressed, it's kinda like I live in ignorance. I put on an act to cover for the pathetic failure at life I really am. However there's always this thought in my head that says, "Ok I've been through so much pain and torment in my life, maybe life will be kind to me one day by letting achieve all my goals ans dreams. Maybe all those hard times were just a test. A cruel, gruelling test that I can look back on one day in relief and pride, knowing I passed it".
FlavourLikeIceCream 1 month ago
Hell, been fighting for 17 years, want to end it all with a peacemaker. Kinda hilarious in a tragic sort of sense.
TheIdealisticOne 2 months ago
There is nothing sadder than a child who has barely seen the world, yet who has seen enough of it to know that he does not wish to be a part of it.
ijsHD 2 months ago
therapists dont have a fuckn clue, they tell me things i already know. i want help from someone that understands and has been there.
evilblood1982 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Hey, I'm a freshman in high school and i've been battling depression for 4 years. I became suicidal last year, but forced my emotions away. I'm done hiding. I'm done fighting. I'm done with those horrible people that call you their friends. Once I find a way, I'm going to finally end it all. I just wanted to say goodbye to someone, and wanted to see if anyone would care enough to reply.
mrobinson03029 2 months ago
I'd rather have someone convince me that continuing on is better than existing in this world feeling useless, unwanted, unloved, alone, different from everyone else and not understood. All I ever get from therapists is the same story that I am important, loved, not alone, and that I should live for another day because I might miss out on something wonderful in the future. Isn't it amazing then that after 5 decades of life there is still nothingness.
kbparis 3 months ago
What will happen? We push aside our sadness for a little bit? No! There is NO WAY OUT!!! No way but death. To much has happened. Everyone looks at me and sees a dumb little girl that starts fights with everyone about anything and everything. But that stops me from committing suicide. Then they yell at me. I scream back "Shut up!!! You don't know why I act like this!!!" I just DO NOT want special treatment! I wanna die, and when I decide to... Nothing will stop me. Nothing. At. All.
maxXdylan 3 months ago
I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is way out, you just have to search very hard to find it and it may take years. Suicide is a very unfortunate and horrible thing that people sometimes turn too because they feel hopeless just like you.Please try to tough it out, seek help from someone who cares. If there is no one, you need to find someone. Your emotions and feelings ARE valid and you don't deserve to feel like death is your only choice, no matter what's happened or what you've done.
BetweenBliss 3 months ago 4
@BetweenBliss I did try... The only person that ever stopped me just got taken away. I can't see her anymore, and her phone number is being blocked from my phone. Everyone else I talked to on my computer, On that comp my parents blocked the websites... There's no way to talk to any of them anymore. Just two nights ago I almost killed myself. Then I stopped, only for my parents. But I can't go on like this! I'm lost in a world of blackness. With one word/ question. Why?
maxXdylan 3 months ago
Why is a very hard question to answer and I'm afraid I can't answer it for you. However you do have people who care about you and cherish you, even if you can't speak to them at this time. The people care about you wouldn't want to see you resort to something like that, you're important to them. Until you can see them you could always contact someone who's part of a support group or hotline if things become very bad and you want to attempt suicide again. Try to stay strong through this.
BetweenBliss 3 months ago 2
@BetweenBliss I would call someone or meet with someone. But I'm only 12 and that would mean having to involve my parents. I went the my schools consoler once, she called my parents even when I asked her not to. I just don't wanna involve my parents unless I have to, cause I don't want them to see how much their little girl is hurting, when they do everything they can to make sure I'm not hurt.
maxXdylan 3 months ago
@maxXdylan And whenever I stay in my room for hours on and, my parents yell "U alive in there Mal?" I laugh, pretending that I wasnt just about to cut my wrist. Or that I was fingering a rope, wondering if there was anyplace that I could hang myself. Or while Im taking a bath, I always pretend that I wasnt thinking about drowning myself. I'm surrounded by lies. I deceive people so they don't get hurt because of me. But I cant go on like that anymore. I dont know if I should tell the truth or not
maxXdylan 3 months ago
@BetweenBliss Im Having Same Thing Rite Now :|
XxExtremeRockStarXx 2 months ago
@BetweenBliss Yesterday I Was Sent To Therapist For Kinda Cutting,Slashing,Suicidal Affects.. Everytime I Go In The Shower Sit In The Bathtub While The Shower Is Running.. I Get Suicidal Because of my Past... I Don't Talk To Therapist Because I Don't Like To Open Up Alot. I Only Open Up When Im Going Crazy With Suicide Thoughts Like Now... I Got Alot Of Problems Rite Now In My Life Im Trying To Stop But Once I See Knifes Or Razors I Gotta Do It I. I Wanna Die.
XxExtremeRockStarXx 2 months ago
@maxXdylan visit the website suicide.org.. its a beautiful website where a lotta valuable information is given.. moreover there are testimonies of wives, husbands, parents and children who have had to cope with death by suicide of a loved one.. i sincerely hope God eases your pain....
1011sid 3 months ago
What song is that
wideload93 5 months ago
@wideload93 ~ It's "kiss the rain" by Yiruma =)
JaySalious 3 months ago
When the Pain, and the loneliness far exceeds what a person can cope. Whe the Wheels of Justice are slow, corrupt, and When NO help is available. Despite ppl who say there is... or that there is HOPE. Once Hope is gone, and You are left stripped of everything literally. The sad facts are in. The sad facts are in. Read annotations in video response.
Larryshannon1976 6 months ago
that gets the point across so well i hate it when people think you chose it when its more like it choses you so many people dont understand wich makes it even harder to talk about
x5452me 10 months ago 3
Thanks for posting this,Means alot to so many people </3
clared88 1 year ago
All i can say is...Thank you...<3
xNekoxMisax 1 year ago
Beautifull,true and sad.. I tried to do it many times..
KariSsaEroInu 1 year ago
..Thank you =D It's nice to see someone taking action!
Firewerwolve 1 year ago
This is so meaningful, thank you for posting this. It's a good thing that someone's taking action.
sarajabeen95 1 year ago