Christopher Titus - Love Is Evol - Part 3/9

[jdbankshot]

in my 36yrs, 22 of which have been, er, non-celibate shall we say, out of the 50 or so chicks that i've been with, i'd say 95% need to watch this everyday...& i don't wanna hear any shit about my use of the word 'chick'. nothing wrong with that term & the title of lady must be earned.

[CitizenKahne1015]

I actually watched this on Comedy Central after my ex-girlfriend and I broke up for the second time.

[Jrocka7x]

That's all we want!

[PhoeWolf86]

love Titus!!!

[Nellwin]

This whole thing reminds me of my best friend and his crazy ass psycho bitch ex-girlfriend.

[sandmanhardstyle]

Isn't he running for president? VOTE FOR HIM if he does XD!

[Codsniper253]

why dont you just do her rite here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its a parent teacher conference! What the hell is wrong with you!!!!???

Chris Titus is the best ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[87FranZ]

8.42-8.47 turkeys in the audience.

[jukebox2379]

"You smelled the b@#ch didn't you?"

[animebutterlfy2020]

"its a parent teacher confrence..... What the hell is wong wth you?"

[animebutterlfy2020]

"Marista! Does this taste like a like a extra soy hot latte to you? does it?"

[DaKuteCate]

@animebutterlfy2020 barista ^-^

[86kinky86]

You can tell that this guy loves cars

[tartface69p]

smegal the mall minion, princess jealousy and her credit card of hate.!!!

[catinator2]

if your man is in the mall with you.... he LLLLOOOOVVVEEESSS YOU

[malakaijub]

BARRISTA!!!!!!!

[princessbloodredrose]

it sounds like my ex girlfriend and her boyfriend which was my boyfriend 2

[acedce1]

Did he ever think to look up?

[iBww2fan]

she just keeps calling you the nice man

[shortgirl456]

You smelt that bitch didnt you?...

HAHA!

[8secHemiCharger69]

at 1:27 he reminds me of jim carey



[AzraelKnight]

We so need a "Relationship Starbucks"....

[88Siv]

hate it when someone grows worse over the years instead of greater - still funny as hell though

[everybodylovesjulie]

Gouge you eyes out! Gouge your eyes out! Gouge your eyes out!!!!

[ReachingOutForGOD]

"Barista! Does that taste like an extra soy latte to you? Damn right you're gonna make it agian!" xD Bahhahahahhaha

[whitliggett]

might be funny...if I could hear it

[legendrobotmaster2]

"if ur man is in the mall with u.....He lovessss u" XDDDDD

[JediDad06]

Looks like a storms a coming...

[MsZyvion]

TING TING TING TING

[itachiuchiha369619]

Man, I wish I doin' somethin' productive.

[BmwM3E46Power]

a lady friend showed me this vid because she said it reminded her of my ex.... i thought i was alone...but holy fuck..... this is an eye opener i now feel 100% better.

[AzraelKnight]

@BmwM3E46Power We've all dated...or married...someone that's drove us nuts.

[sevelev711]

Who's Al Schlitt?

[fatzo49]

@sevelev711 i think he meant auschwitz it was a famous deathcamp in the second world war

[aj3138]

@fatzo49 It''s ok he's in middle school it makes sense they must not have got up to world history yet.

[sevelev711]

@aj3138 Wow. How'd you know?

[aj3138]

@sevelev711 I looked at your page and it said you were in Middle School and anybody that doesn't know what Auschwitz is has to be young.

[u2todit4me]

@sevelev711 its a town located in the country "ignorant"

[sevelev711]

@u2todit4me They haven't taught us that yet! I'm in middle school!

[u2todit4me]

@sevelev711 Doesn't exactly matter what grade you're in.

[sevelev711]

@u2todit4me Well I'm sorry. I don't know a lot. You don't need to be a Dick!

[tarose71]

I think I dated this woman when i was 21 LOL ...good thing he married her not me !!

[AzraelKnight]

@tarose71 I think I married her too, :D

[cobyquartz]

why dont u just do her right here?! lol

[jericosgirl300]

if your man is in the mall with you...he LOOOOVES you

[julietanimeluvr13]

Hahahahaha you smelt.that bitch didnt you..

[XXmrsXXshadowsXX]

"Hi. I'd like a new girl only this time no jealousy and only half bipolar."

[haekeyeiscool]

if i disliked this i would have been 444 4

[hannahkelly2012]

passed out transvestite, GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT, GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT, GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT!!!!!!!

[HaganNetwork]

press 7 for the cobra

[TralalalaBubbles]

Though He's a bit too old for me...I would be his sane girl. he's so handsome

[DatFeature]

3 ppl got there order messed up at starbucks lolz XD

[hellno1235]

Aaaa looks like a storms a comin

[deathnofun]

Here with princess jealously and her credit card of hate :0

[Angel0061000]

u keep looking at her, u keep talking 2 her WHY DONT U JUST DO HER RIGHT HERE!!!!!!

.......... it's a parent teacher conference

[AZNpride7607]

hahahahahhahahaha my boyfriend is going to the mall with me tomorrow :)

[13BLACK13NINJA1313]

No jealously and half bipolor. Sounds like my step mom...

[baseballguy75]

ahhhhh looks like a storms a commin

[MrIKTPQ4life]

He reminds me of Red Foreman.

[rasicar]

describes my ex-wife...

[Mokona7654]

it's a sad thing when a person under 18 who hasn't moved out yet (MOI) has an inner retard, isn't it?

[mistress20069]

Don`t we all have an inner retard!!

[charityhutto1]

this is by far my favorite part!!

[sirclanky]

The two people who disliked this are his ex and her imaginary friend.

[NinjaBunnyPro]

"ah, looks like a storm'sa comin'"

"im goin' to the cellar! im goin' to the cellar!"

[GingerKidZach]

@NinjaBunnyPro Lol when my ex used to get mad at me that little old man would show up. And that was before I watched this lol.

[Aolani21]

@NinjaBunnyPro

Its a parent-teacher conference!

[DiLL590]

gouge your eyes out! gouge your eyes out! gouge your eyes out!

[jimbobbyrnes]

his tv show was cool too

[MiaDepRockRionII]

"Someone who makes you horny even after they have puked in your car"

[movieaddict19]

This and Norman Rockwell is Bleeding are Titus' best standups, the second one he did wasnt that funny, Titus is awesome nonetheless tho

[brightmanjeff]

@movieaddict19 What was his second special?

[movieaddict19]

@brightmanjeff I think it was called the fifth annual end of the world tour

[armbusk]

wow this 1 can't be more awesome not a single dislike XD

[Demithegoddess]

Hey, speaking as one bipolar person . . . THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE MORE SCREWED UP THEN WE ARE!!! . . . I know this because I have dated them :p I take my meds so I'm normal, but the people I have dated . . . . need more medication then the US government can supply.

[gogetareeljob]

"I was accused of sleeping with people... I hadn't met yet." So true!!!

[emomusicainist]

"looks like a stormsa comin" lol awesome accent xD

[MrTheIngerson]

"Love... Someone you can be with for 65 or 70 years of your life and till at the end of the life; you're sitting on the pourch of the house you bought together. And you're old, wrinkly and smelly. And poop through a hole in your side. And she's old wrinkly and smelly and can't remember your name. She just calls you the nice man. But you're still in love and you're holding hands and you stare into each others milky cataract filled eyes. Your hearts well up explode and you both die - UGH"

[JamesOhGoodie]

Dude, was he following me around when he wrote this show? He's pretty much describing my last relationship!

[fwkomets71]

8:42-9:00...

Listen to the high pitched chipmunk in the background... Hahahahahaha!!!!

[LisaJohnson601]

crazy makes you crazy. when your with someone crazy theyll make you crazy. keep looking at me. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[XxHellsingrulzxX]

"Death doesn't show up and go 'I was gonna take you today, but you were with that bitch for, like, three year? Here's a cupon.'"

[ChaosTheory0]

Funny thing about all of his stories about his mom, dad and ex's.

They're true.

[mrbigwang1991]

n you look into eachothers milky caterac filled eyes, n yer hearts well up n explode n u both die right there THATS ALL WE WANT!!!

[Zach1992B]

"Now I got two voices in my heard: that little old man, 'Ooooohh looks like a stormsa comin'"

[ineedyaoi]

you smell that bitch didn't you?

[clashb]

This is why I choose to remain a bachelor.

[MissPixieFan]

Love how he voices his crazy exes ^^

[897JewellC]

I think he's sexy

[ThisIsMyName112]

So much bottled up rage.... its brilliant

[HaUnTeDbYaLlYcAn]

hey man... heres a coupon!!!!

[missyzanyahb]

why dontcha just do her right here!!!!...-hides face- it's a parent teacher confrence...xDDDDDD

[DarkAngel123543]

Did you look at that guy? You mean the one that makes more money then you? Nope but thanks for the assist! :D

[silverpyro19]

his eyebrows are like two jumpy cynical caterpillars. they amaze me.

[itachiuchiha369619]

"I didn't even know we were fightin', can you make me an omelet?"

Lmao

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@cjsellers2000 lol I agree with titus, not dane cook..he's funny but alot of his jokes rely on randomness which is kinda sad. Nic swardson is good but al lhe really talks about is getting drunk an actin like a retart. Jim is ehh with me, don't hate but not in love. Kevin is really funny :D

I would put

1. Titus

2. George Carlin

3. Bill Burr (most underated comic ever)

4. Gabriel Iglesies

5. Jeff Dunham

yeah the last two are kinda mainstream but they are AWESOME!

[silverpyro19]

@D33DeeD33Guy that is sacrilege putting Carlin at 2!

my list:

1. George Carlin

2. Bo Burnham

3. Jim Gaffigan

no one else matters beyond that. At least, not anyone I can think of right now.

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@silverpyro19 lol dude it's ust an opinon. I LOVE carlin. Lik no joke he is AMAZING in every way. But sometimes his jokes were'nt even him being funny as much as him explaining his views and he tended to ramble on which was kinda a weak spot for him. But otherwie he was great. But I think Titus beat him when it came to more elatable things which is wat you want. you want your audience to relate to you. and i an relate alot with titus. But Jim Gaffigan is really funny XD hot pockets! XD

[silverpyro19]

@D33DeeD33Guy I was being obnoxious. I think Titus takes an easy stance on relating with his audience (geared towards just men in general) cause really, who can say they never had a crazy-ass ex girlfriend? I like Carlin because he kinda just gears his jokes to the cynical and bound for hell. I feel kinda like "Well these jokes clearly aren't for you." being female. Tosh is good too. The only comedian that I don't regret getting his own tv show.

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@silverpyro19 lol it's not just relationships. he jokes abut dysfunctional families and mine was very similair to his so i can relate to alot of what he says. I love carlin too though, comics are better wen you can relate to them and i can find more in common with titus. but again carlin was a genious! Tosh is ehhh. he is funny but WAY overrated. his job is watching people on the internet and making jokes which anyone can do. his stand up isn't that great but it's ok. he talks really fast tho XD

[silverpyro19]

@D33DeeD33Guy true true. What I like about Tosh is he has an endless supply of material so it won't really get old. Jeff Dunham got old very quickly with me and Dimitri Martin just lost something with his show...not sure what though. Tosh is also very openly a douche, which i appreciate. I get to laugh and go "that's so wrong" so I can laugh at things i shouldn't and not feel like a bitch lmao.

Carlin shouldn't have been allowed to die. He is greatly missed.

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@silverpyro19 Yeah bt the only reason tosh has an endless surprise of material is cause it's the internet. There ill alwayss be idiots on the internet but all he does is make commentary which any of us can do. Dunham, ehh, Still ove him. The only reason he got old cause CC whored him out and he had to get material together fast without enough time to perfect it. Demitri is okay. His jokes are really dry and hit and miss. lol it's to Beatles like for me (I don't like the beatles XD)

[ninjaseal2]

lolz he is right we've alllllllll done it. we've all stayed with an idiot for toooo long.

[renfrowm]

@ninjaseal2 im in that now i just want this bitch gone to

[KaLikeAWheel]

"If I wanna go to the mall to look at slightly over-weight fourteen year olds in uggs I can drive myself" :D

[KaLikeAWheel]

"If I wanna go to the mall to look at slightly over-weight fourteen year olds in uggs I can drive myself" :D

[Prico2004]

somebody who would go to court for you and lie XD

[MrSwannyboy]

so im watching this and thinking wow... my current girlfriend is a crazy rican (oh yeah she's a stabber..) thats a mild bulimic, cutting, bipolar, weak hearted, abused, and slightly suicidal girl... so now im like... hmmm maybe he was right maybe he ended my relationship xDD nah jk i love her.. 

[Bigwentz19]

you smelled that bitch didnt you lmao hahaha

[coasternut3091]

He stopped using the aluminium bat on me cause I hated that nooise. TING TING TING. Lol

[taylorsb222]

Dont chu what me. Why dont chu just do her right here? You keep looking at her you keep talking to her why you just do RIGHT HERE!?!?!?! its a parent teacher conference.

[TheGogitta]

i dont even know why we were fighting. can you make me an omelet?

[mega1Axelle]

he is cute 

[ArmyJakit]

This describes my entire dating life

[hellacoolgirl26]

you smelt that bitch didnt you lmfao

[dAforgetful01]

She just keeps calling you the "nice man" XDDDD

[Bttscks]

Ya know, if I had a girlfriend cheat on me with my sister... I'm really not sure how I'd feel... is it possible to be furious, disgusted and aroused all at the same time? Cause I think it would be something like that.

[theoneandonlygrod]

I had an ex just like that too, except it was her dad that tried to kill me.

[infernadrumer]

lmmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[D33DeeD33Guy]

dude....he describes my ex EXACTLY....crazy...jealous...b­ipolar...and everything he says is true XD

[manufran02]

@D33DeeD33Guy sounds like ex wife to be 

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@manufran02 lol luckily that bitch was two years ago XD

[xXxOHAIRxXx]

@D33DeeD33Guy Me too dude... I attract mental illness. lol

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@xXxOHAIRxXx lol I feel your pain T.T that specific ex was bipolar as hell, anerexic, violent, cut herself, cheated, lied, and had the personality of mud,

And he family was whacked and i actualley thought

"oh that's ok, she's the good one"

boy was I off....

her dad is an alchoholic with one tooth

her mom has 5 bfs 1 stalker and a husband

her 10 year old half sister smoked pot

her 14 year old sister/cousin was just bipolar and slutty

I attracted charles manson with a vagina.....

[xXxOHAIRxXx]

@D33DeeD33Guy My first girl friends had more than 1 personality, cut herself, among other things... and she cheated... but that's okay... because she got pregnant!

Karma's a bitch, eh? lol

[MrGamingWolf]

@xXxOHAIRxXx I think we dated the same Girl!

[Zach1992B]

@D33DeeD33Guy Same here! Isn't that odd?!

[cpcoasternut]

@D33DeeD33Guy same here man

[njAAron56]

@D33DeeD33Guy i think we all have an ex like that xD

[sheizzl18]

@D33DeeD33Guy Did you date his ex wife?

[D33DeeD33Guy]

@sheizzl18 HOLY FUCKING SHIT 112 thumbs up??? jesus...you people like anything....and nah I guess some sort if inbread cousin lol whats funny is she tries talking to me on facebook.....to bad Ima douche :D

[HBSQB12]

@D33DeeD33Guy i think he describes everyone's ex. lol

[GaryGoRound]

wow funny...I dated a woman exactly like the one he is talking about