If you are a lesbian and you kiss a dude, people wonder if you really are a lesbian or if you are a straight girl playing gay! That shit is annoying. Lesbians can have man crushes on celebrity dudes or even on 1 or 2 guys. Straight guys can do the same, especially if they are secure in their sexuality. I hate this whole, let's tell people who they really are because we know it all bullshit. Why do I say I'm gay? Easy, I don't want to be romantic with dudes plain and simple. Sacha Dhawan however!
Have I said this before? Probably, but I'll say it again so people know xD
The psychological view of sexuality is rather like that of a scale. You've got boy attraction one end, girl attraction the other. You can sit anywhere on that scale. Or, you can be like me and have a bar chart on what level of attraction you have for a gender. So, you can generate a sort of bar chart or % on which gender you like better. For you to be bi, think 60-40% :p
I think this is one of the most important vids from Dan Savage. It addresses a serious double-standard that men face, and I think it shows that he's not biphobic as some have claimed. Straight men should be encouraged to explore the boundaries of their sexuality, the same way straight women get to.
Please visit my channel for the unpopular truth about homosexuality.
A person does not need hatred or any kind of phobia in order to acknowledge important differences between heterosexual attraction / behavior / marriage / adoption and homosexual attraction / behavior / marriage / adoption. Even non-religious people know this.
Homosexual activists, with support from the media, have succeeded at framing themselves as noble victims; it's an effective way to push a social agenda.
Sexuality seems to be more fluid than most people will admit, and I doubt anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. You have to have some same-sex and some opposite gender attraction in order to form a real (sensual) bond with a person. If anyone was totally straight or gay they wouldn't be able to form such bonds. People, especially homophobes, need to get over theirs fears and hatreds and nonsense. Straight guys look at other guys and find attractive qualities ALL THE TIME.
Sexuality seems to be more fluid than most people will admit, and I doubt anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. You have to have some same-sex and some opposite gender attraction in order to form a real (sensual) bond with a person. If anyone was totally straight or gay they wouldn't be able to form such bonds. People, especially homophobes, need to get over theirs fears and hatreds and nonsense. Straight guys look at other guys and find attractive qualities ALL THE TIME.
there are no rules in sexual orientation is what my lesbian friend told me, it's all about who you see yourself being with emotionally and physically!
i love him so much, for years i said i couldn't be gay because i had crushes on dudes in the past. thing is, they were very few and all celebrities! i came out as bi thinking, no can't be gay, find some dudes attractive though i want no part in a relationship with them and they are a very select few. then i read a few other lesbian coming out stories and realized that they were JUST LIKE ME!! and here's Dan Savage saying the same thing. Long story short, i'm now out lesbian and SUPER HAPPY!
The definition of bisexuality is the capacity for sexual or romanatic attraction to more than one gender. Funny how Dan is tiptoeing so carefully around the word "bisexual."
@Estraven53 he never said he was ROMANTICALLY attracted to her, only sexually attracted, two very different things! i have straight friends who have sex with one another, man and woman style, yet at the same time they have zero romantic attractions to each other, like zip. sex and romance are very different especially in science where they exist in different parts of the brain. they can exist without one another easily! if you can't be with one gender romantically you're gay or straight not bi!
@sillykatz READ the definition above, please. Sexual OR romantic attraction to more than one gender. If a person is sexually attracted to more than one gender, they are bi, even if they are only capable of falling in love with one gender. An asexual person, who is biromantic, would be considered bisexual. You don't have to be able to be sexual AND romantic with more than one gender to be bi; either of them will do.
@Estraven53 then by that very definition everybody in the whole freakin world is bisexual and nobody is gay or straight! Look I believe in a scale, some people aren't 100% gay, that doesn't mean they aren't gay! I would fuck a few celebrity guys, but I would never ever be in a relationship with a guy, it's wrong for me. And my sexuality professor actually says someone needs BOTH, there is no or! Everybody sees it differently, believe what you want to believe, but all I know is this, I'm gay!
@sillykatz You are welcome to ID however you chose to. However, read "Homosexual Behavior in Animals in Wikipedia" (it should actually read "Bisexual behavior in Animals). The entire animal kingdom is bisexual "No species has been found in which homosexual behaviour has not been shown to exist." Similarly, read "Timeline of LGBT History" and "LGBT History" in Wiki. Bi people have existed since the dawn of time, and in many cultures WERE most of the population. What's wrong with that?
@Estraven53 Dude I'm not saying they don't exist when did I say that? I believe that there are legit bisexual people out there. But I don't think every single person in the whole world is bisexual, and if you are going by that definition then everybody at some point or another is bisexual! Sexual orientation is about who you have emotional and physical attraction to, that is what makes you gay straight or bi. But if people who don't have emotional attract still want to say bi then fine!
@sillykatz The quote said that no species had been found that did not exhibit homosexual behavior; it said nothing about bisexuals not existing. Indeed, since obviously all animals reproduce, if they also exhibit homosexual behavior, it means that all animals are bisexual. No one is saying EVERYONE is bi; monosexuals DO exist.
My grad school was literally behind high walls, walled off from reality. The profs are the LAST ones to know what reality is. And most of them HATE bisexuals.
@Estraven53 wikipida is not a trusted or good source to get information...everyone who is educated know that. Yes LGBT existed back then but they were destroy and killed.
@crispin165 Google "Study: Wikipedia as accurate as Britannica" and read the comments. Wikipedia is nearly as accurate as the Encyclopedia Britannica, and a lot more up to date. And in any case, I am certainly not getting my historical references just from Wiki, but from lectures I have been to, photos of ancient art, translations of ancient poetry, books I have read, etc. You are making it up in your head that LGBT people were killed, because that is not generally true.
@Estraven53 they were, i can see you are not educated well enough. WIKIpedia is not a trusted soure. University, professior, debators don't use this source at all and they even tell the students not to this site but site ending in edu, not org. com. or gov. IT is you that can't accept the truth, have you even study history and the laws put back then? matter of fact, i going to research and look up right now and come back with facts
@crispin165 Good idea, getting the facts. Start with "Bisexuality in the Ancient World" by Eva Cantarella which describes the bisexual life of ancient Greece and Rome. Then I would suggest you read "The Spirit and the Flesh," by Walter Williams, which describes how the Native Americans were bisexual and transgendered until the missionaries got here and suppressed all that. Next Boy-Wives and Female Husbands: Studies In African Homosexualities by Stephen O. Murray and Will Roscoe.
Done yet? Next read "Male Colors: The Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan" by Gary Leupp and then "Islamic Homosexualities: Culture, History, and Literature," Eds. Will Roscoe and Stephen Murray, which documents homo/bisexuality across the Islamic world.
I'm too busy dealing with life to worry about who is having sex with who.
Only the religious feel they have the right to intrude on one of the most intimate and private areas of a person's life. No-one else feels the need to pick on others on such a wide scale to make themselves feel validated.
They can take their holy book and shove it up their arse because it's as much use up there as a guiding light as it is in real life.
So a guy can have sex with 100 people in his lifetime and if 99 of those people are women and 1 is a dude, that makes him gay? How's that for fucked up logic? I agree with Dan. The rule that applies to women should also apply to men.
We, as a species, are filled with so much diversity that i could never believe the spectrum of our sexuality is limited to only two or three options. Every person, no matter how straight or gay, has the potential to fall for someone out of their normal preferences. It just happens, we are far too complex to have such a limited orientation.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
I would never dated a guy who had sex with another guy. That means he is gay to me and i don't date gay men. I don't want a boyfriend on the down low. That is nasty.
Women are half the reason that many straight guys never dabble. I know a lot of women who wont date a man, if he has ever been with a guy before. Eww...thats gross...although ironicly many of those women would fuck a hot gay guy given the chance.
Oh, and also, as a particularly girly looking guy, I can vouch that attraction, especially from a friend, can be stronger than sexual identity. I've had enough guys call me "an exception" to know that.
There is a double standard that I don't see changing, and if a guy were to admit he did things with a man, he could no longer be considered straight. Sorry about that. It sucks, but it's the truth.
I think I do that to my friends. Like... seriously... they all look at me funny... and wanna like kiss me... I'm a guy with guy friends... and I'm straight... and seriously they all call me cute... and they all like... wanna do my ass. HAHAHA I swear it's true. If I got them drunk they'd make out with me I SWEAR!
@Celie3678 huh? i dont get that.. isnt sexual attraction kind of a big deal in determening if someones gay, straight or bi? I love my guy friend but im not gay.. so what do you mean?
There are plenty of straight guys who cop "opportunistic blowjobs" from gay guys. It's no big deal, and they're not gay. If you fit this description, my email is.....(just kiddin).
I feel like the situation he described. I'm not interested in or attracted to 99.9% of the men in the world. But there are a few that I am attracted to. They are just feminine enough and have the right features that I can't help but find them attractive. And that doesn't make me feel gay or bi.
@RaidenTheAlmighty It just means you're comfortable enough with your sexuality! There are like two girls I'd do it with, doesn't make me an ounce less gay.
I'm gay but I'd prefer watching straight porn and pussies somehow turn me on more compare to cocks! But no, I'm not straight or bi. Weird eh? But when it comes to relationship I go for hot guys XD
Dan has stated that, and cited the numerous studies, that female sexuality is far more fluid. Exceptionally so. The male sexuality is far more "wired" (i.e. by and large not fluid). I think it's the cultural fear of male homosexuality, and the pervasive homophobia that makes it the case. Now, I'm a straight man, I've never been attracted to a man so far, but if I could be gay or bi that would be awesome. I really wish I could. And if I fucked Edward Norton, I don't consider myself less straight.
So what's wrong with labels? Differentiating is what our human brains evolved to do. Dangerous/Safe was the first binary, and from that all others have flowed. There are different degrees between the two, but they're still valid. I don't believe there are any true bisexuals; we are who/what we are. Just some people are less inhibited than others. Gay/Straight, and many degrees in between. And what's wrong with that?
@blooddrivendream IMO a true bisexual would be someone attracted EQUALLY to male and to female. I think most if not all people have a preference for one or the other, even when they enjoy both clams and oysters. Thus they'd be considered either straight with gay tendencies or gay with straight tendencies. Having said that, I don't mind if someone wants to call himself a bisexual; to each his own, as the saying goes.
Straight/gay/bi labels are utterly ridiculous, and this whole video is an excellent showing of that. What the fuck is it with people wanting to label themselves and asking questions like that? How about just going "OH HEY I LIKE HUMANS"? Fuck you all. Fuck your labels.
@Lijacote As long as nobody forces you to adopt a "label," why do you care if others prefer to self-identify? Don't people have a right to be accepted for who they consider themselves to be? I'm a man and I like men, so I identify as gay; if you have a problem with that, it really is your problem and not mine. You can try to MAKE it my problem, of course; but why waste your energy?
I don't have to make it your problem, as it already is. Wish you'd have replied when the discussion was still relevant, and not after the memory of it had already passed. Now, you'll only get that first line I gave you.
I meant to say that you won't get anything more in the present, hence the "now" in my previous message. I'm crushed to notice the sarcasm of your last remark, but it changes nothing.
I agree.. my ex is a total straight and he went gay for me specially. I tried to put that into experience where I offered him 3 way or just normal sex with ready hot gay dudes and he refused and said either me or girls!
Slowly, slowly, we're inching toward a mental model that has more than two categories. Straight, gay. Black, white. Red states, blue states. Republican, Democrat. Heaven, hell. For here, to go.
It's like society's collective brain is slowly embracing the concept of the grey area.
Same for sexuality.
Instead of gay or straight, how about the label "78" for 78 percent straight? What if the number changes for you every day? What if someone calls himself a " 100 "? Or a "20"?
I think it's the recognition that things work more fluidly like a gradient rather than a binary or strict categories. There are many people who feel uncomfortable with the prospect of such a thing because it makes things more complex. Oh well.
This is called transitional homosexuality and is well descibed in the literature. Think of prisons. But the real question is who do you love in the romantic sense - guys or girls? Of course, some folks love both, but they are bi.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
I don't agree with this. If we go by Dan's definition of what is and what isn't homosexuality, then what exactly constitutes homosexuality??? If a same-sex experience doesn't mean you're gay, then what does?
I'm gay, and I think that many women are pretty, but I'm not the least bit sexually interested in women. I'm not gonna go and have sex with a woman because...she's a WOMAN. So, if a "straight" guy willingly has sex with another guy, it's because he wants to. He WANTS TO have sex with a guy.
An "isolated incident" is still an incident. I'm not gonna go stick my dick in a pussy. Why? Because I don't like pussy.
So like I said, if a "straight" guy goes and sticks a dick in his mouth (or even in his ass), it's because he WANTS to.
A friend of mine said something similar during a recent conversation. He said, "I think that there are very few genuinely straight men left in the world". I agree with that.
Yeah, Maher is all over the radar on corporations, which makes me think, if Maher is actaully legitimate. He claims to want peace, but wants the CIA meddling in affairs, Maher is all over, in a bad way, he does not have consistent pricinples in politics.
In the area of identity and emotions I think it is MUCH easier to be a woman than a man. Men are given SO MUCH MORE baggage right from the start and adhere to being placed in this tiny tiny box of who they can be and who they "can't be". it's really tragic. Sexuality is fluid yet men are SO polarized about it and that is the pathetic part about how fucked up guys are. Is like asking a "str8" guy if he thinks another guy is good looking and he says something ridiculous like "I don't know!!"
Yes, but straight guys like me are trying to change that habit. In society there has to be a movement for things to change, such as women working to make it conventional to wear pants, for a small example. I don't mind telling other guys in conversation that I have some effeminate qualities. I see it as how some people describe themselves as a happy person or an angry person. If a person says "that's gay"; one could take the time to explain the rationale. Everybody is different and unique:-)
@dannlynch I agree with you completely, but I don't think we should lose sight of why that is. Our society, on the whole, still views women, as a sex and as a gender, as inferior. This why we tolerate women "trying to be like men" (being butch, tomboy, successful in business, or "masculine" in other ways), but are so hard on men who "act like women" ("sissies", those who act "gay", etc.).
Misogyny doesn't just hurt women, it hurts men, too.
@dannlynch I agree. I think would have figured my own sexuality out in high school instead of college - you know, much earlier - if it weren't for that double-standard. Because people keep telling you, as a guy, you must be this thing or that thing, with no in-between, it's *** so *** hard to be objective, really steer clear of the labels, and figure yourself out. When they label you so quickly, you naturally resist the label/are forced to think about it too much. Guys don't get room to breathe.
@dannlynch I only agree to the extent of emotional behavior. Culturally, because men and the''masculine'' mindset have ruled civilization since it began, women have been subjected to many more restrictions on who they can or can't be. A promiscuous man is a stud, the same kind of woman is a slut, and more likely to be punished for it. Women have been kept out of positions of power and told they are not the equal of men in almost every respect. So, I'd say it's still easier overall to be a man.
Any person can sleep with anyone, regardless of gender -- they have that choice. Whether or not there is attraction there is a different thing.
Dan is saying he COULD have sex with that female firefighter, but he would still identify as being gay because he's more attracted to men. He also probably doesn't want a relationship with that woman, but with another man.
Sexual orientation is not a choice; having SEX with another person (man or woman), IS a choice.
You seem to have missed his point about how if a guy has sex with another guy just once and identifies as straight, he's suddenly labeled as gay, just as a woman who has sex with another woman is not automatically a lesbian.
Ultimately, I think Dan is saying it depends on how you identify yourself, not how others label and identify you. You should know yourself better than others, after all.
Well yes, pretty much. Over the years Dan has relaxed a LOT regarding labels, and I have to agree with him. The point is that since labels exist, you shouldn't be counted as a liar if you have sex with one woman even if you're predominately-- by far-- attracted to men. Or vice versa. You could use the term "bi" and be legitimate, but it seems pretty silly to call someone "bi" when they spend 99% of their time sleeping with people of one sex and 1% sleeping with people of the other.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
the situations are not comparable- their is no societal stigma to appearing straight, so people are more open about those experiences. If a "straight" identified man has a sexual experience with another man, he is either bisexual or gay- and simply in the closet. This isn't dogging or harassing him by saying that- it is using labels correctly.
You can't claim not to judge someone and then call them a faggot. If you claim to be a man of God, that's certainly not part of your spiritual beliefs.
It is easy to define 'gay', 'straight' and 'bi' in so that everyone fits into one and only one category. The definitions accord with ordinary usage to a very high degree. They are vague only to the extent that "had sex" is vague.
Here they are: (1) gay = had sex at least once with a same-sex partner and never with a non same-sex partner; (2) straight = had sex at least once with a non same-sex partner and never with a same-sex partner; (3) neither (1) nor (2).
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
Virgins would be "bi" according to my definitions. I had in mind that the definitions would only give a definitive answer at the end of one's life. During a person's life you could not be 100% sure what category he/she would ultimately fall into. If classifying a virgin as "bi" disturbs you, you could add a category 'asexual'.
My main point was simply that one can offer definitions that strictly classify everyone and that accord strongly with our usual understanding of sexual orientation.
Sure, but everyone has their own definitions and in fact there's not an awful lot of use in having hard fast ones. Too normative to describe us well! :)
A virgin who masturbates is hardly asexual, for instance... and if they get off to hetero and homo images or stories, does that swing them one way or another? There are *so* many different behaviours/expressions of sexuality. Not much point worrying about it. Just, you know, get naked and have fun.
Because he is talking about 1 or a few encounters and not an attraction for both genders (which is what bi implies). If you apply what Dan is talking about to bisexuality then almost everyone would be considered bi.
If a man identifies himself as "straight" and yet goes to a rest stop to suck cock three nights a weekI don't care how he identifies, he's at the least not really "straight".
I wasn't referring to what Dan said, I was refferring to the idea that we should just automatically accept whatever a person identifies as their orientation. I grew up Mormon--most of the guys I slept with up till the time I was 21 identified as "straight" so I have not patience with that argument.
The words, 'gay', 'straight', etc., are labels. The sexual orientations to which they refer are not labels. Most of the talk related to sexual orientation is not about labels, but sometimes it is, such as when someone complains about the choice of the word 'gay' to refer to male homosexuality. When Dan's talking about whether particular sexual actions by straight men imply they are not really straight, he's obviously not talking about a 3-letter word. He's talking about sexual orientation.
Even though I agree with you, Dan, I think it's an interesting question, "Where do you draw the line?" You want to say a married, heterosexually identified guy who sucks cock once can still be considered str8. Okay, what if he does it twice, three times, etc. If he continues to insist he's str8, at what point, if ever, do you decide he's lying or deceiving himself?
I don't think we are in the position to make this decision for him. My personal opinion is that we should avoid the labeling game. His sexual acts are what pleases him and we should leave it at that. Just as long as it's mutual and all parties involved are aware.
if we accept that gay, lesbian, bisexual are labels with necessarily negative connotations, instead of neutral and/or positive identities, then you try to eliminate labels altogether. I don't think this is wise, and it is certainly unrealistic. We should put are energies into to redefining the words as a source of empowerment, not abandon them.
I think it happens surprisingly often that others are in a better situation to make this kind of decision about someone. A person raised in a homophobic society may be self-deceived about his sexual orientation; so another person (his psychiatrist, for example) might be in a better position to judge.
People often do not know why they do the things they do. They may reason about their actions after the fact, looking at what they did, what the situation was, etc. Others may do the same.
I want to see that videotape of him and the firefighter xD
IainDoc15 2 weeks ago
For some insight see the excellent short film "Thirteen or so Minutes" by Branden Blinn:
It's up on Youtube........youtube.com/watch?v=27UYm2C698w
shaneyrain 1 month ago
I harvest sperm from my boyfriend and put it in his coffee.
TracyDomenica 1 month ago
If you are a lesbian and you kiss a dude, people wonder if you really are a lesbian or if you are a straight girl playing gay! That shit is annoying. Lesbians can have man crushes on celebrity dudes or even on 1 or 2 guys. Straight guys can do the same, especially if they are secure in their sexuality. I hate this whole, let's tell people who they really are because we know it all bullshit. Why do I say I'm gay? Easy, I don't want to be romantic with dudes plain and simple. Sacha Dhawan however!
sillykatz 1 month ago
ha, well said.
tafaridh 2 months ago
Does Dan voice Kermit?
gamerunknown 2 months ago in playlist Dan Savage
Have I said this before? Probably, but I'll say it again so people know xD
The psychological view of sexuality is rather like that of a scale. You've got boy attraction one end, girl attraction the other. You can sit anywhere on that scale. Or, you can be like me and have a bar chart on what level of attraction you have for a gender. So, you can generate a sort of bar chart or % on which gender you like better. For you to be bi, think 60-40% :p
I'm 90% girls, 10% guys
LichQueenKathie 3 months ago
im gay and there is this 6'0 tall blond girl at my gym. I would sooo smash her!!! she is HOT!!!
DANCER720ful 4 months ago
I think this is one of the most important vids from Dan Savage. It addresses a serious double-standard that men face, and I think it shows that he's not biphobic as some have claimed. Straight men should be encouraged to explore the boundaries of their sexuality, the same way straight women get to.
mentalrectangle 4 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Please visit my channel for the unpopular truth about homosexuality.
A person does not need hatred or any kind of phobia in order to acknowledge important differences between heterosexual attraction / behavior / marriage / adoption and homosexual attraction / behavior / marriage / adoption. Even non-religious people know this.
Homosexual activists, with support from the media, have succeeded at framing themselves as noble victims; it's an effective way to push a social agenda.
lightandbeautiful 5 months ago
2:22: *claps*
gallenwolf 5 months ago in playlist More videos from dansavage
Love this video, attracted outside your gender "norm", it happens to everyone at least once :-) NO SHAME!!!
girlplaymm 5 months ago 2
Sexuality seems to be more fluid than most people will admit, and I doubt anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. You have to have some same-sex and some opposite gender attraction in order to form a real (sensual) bond with a person. If anyone was totally straight or gay they wouldn't be able to form such bonds. People, especially homophobes, need to get over theirs fears and hatreds and nonsense. Straight guys look at other guys and find attractive qualities ALL THE TIME.
xephyr1000 5 months ago 4
Sexuality seems to be more fluid than most people will admit, and I doubt anyone is 100% gay or 100% straight. You have to have some same-sex and some opposite gender attraction in order to form a real (sensual) bond with a person. If anyone was totally straight or gay they wouldn't be able to form such bonds. People, especially homophobes, need to get over theirs fears and hatreds and nonsense. Straight guys look at other guys and find attractive qualities ALL THE TIME.
xephyr1000 5 months ago 2
Glad to know I'm not the only guy who mistakenly scopes out women.
"Hey, that guy's hot."
[She turns to reveal boobage.]
"Oops."
kissfan7 6 months ago
I wish Dan would post a picture of the Fire fighter!
suzanafm 6 months ago in playlist Dan Savage
This has been flagged as spam show
I wrote a blog post on my blog "Confessions of an oreo" based on this video...check it out: dannonstewart.blogspot.com/
dannonstewart9 6 months ago
there are no rules in sexual orientation is what my lesbian friend told me, it's all about who you see yourself being with emotionally and physically!
sillykatz 7 months ago
i love him so much, for years i said i couldn't be gay because i had crushes on dudes in the past. thing is, they were very few and all celebrities! i came out as bi thinking, no can't be gay, find some dudes attractive though i want no part in a relationship with them and they are a very select few. then i read a few other lesbian coming out stories and realized that they were JUST LIKE ME!! and here's Dan Savage saying the same thing. Long story short, i'm now out lesbian and SUPER HAPPY!
sillykatz 7 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Fuck Dan Savage. That Cocksucking Faggot
wolfengheist 7 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@wolfengheist "Fuck Dan Savage. That Cocksucking Faggot"
You sound like one of those guys who likes to insult the object of his desires as he masturbates.
Was it good for you?
Lawlessuk 7 months ago
The definition of bisexuality is the capacity for sexual or romanatic attraction to more than one gender. Funny how Dan is tiptoeing so carefully around the word "bisexual."
Estraven53 8 months ago
@Estraven53 he never said he was ROMANTICALLY attracted to her, only sexually attracted, two very different things! i have straight friends who have sex with one another, man and woman style, yet at the same time they have zero romantic attractions to each other, like zip. sex and romance are very different especially in science where they exist in different parts of the brain. they can exist without one another easily! if you can't be with one gender romantically you're gay or straight not bi!
sillykatz 7 months ago
@sillykatz READ the definition above, please. Sexual OR romantic attraction to more than one gender. If a person is sexually attracted to more than one gender, they are bi, even if they are only capable of falling in love with one gender. An asexual person, who is biromantic, would be considered bisexual. You don't have to be able to be sexual AND romantic with more than one gender to be bi; either of them will do.
Estraven53 6 months ago
@Estraven53 then by that very definition everybody in the whole freakin world is bisexual and nobody is gay or straight! Look I believe in a scale, some people aren't 100% gay, that doesn't mean they aren't gay! I would fuck a few celebrity guys, but I would never ever be in a relationship with a guy, it's wrong for me. And my sexuality professor actually says someone needs BOTH, there is no or! Everybody sees it differently, believe what you want to believe, but all I know is this, I'm gay!
sillykatz 6 months ago
@sillykatz You are welcome to ID however you chose to. However, read "Homosexual Behavior in Animals in Wikipedia" (it should actually read "Bisexual behavior in Animals). The entire animal kingdom is bisexual "No species has been found in which homosexual behaviour has not been shown to exist." Similarly, read "Timeline of LGBT History" and "LGBT History" in Wiki. Bi people have existed since the dawn of time, and in many cultures WERE most of the population. What's wrong with that?
Estraven53 6 months ago
@Estraven53 Dude I'm not saying they don't exist when did I say that? I believe that there are legit bisexual people out there. But I don't think every single person in the whole world is bisexual, and if you are going by that definition then everybody at some point or another is bisexual! Sexual orientation is about who you have emotional and physical attraction to, that is what makes you gay straight or bi. But if people who don't have emotional attract still want to say bi then fine!
sillykatz 6 months ago
@sillykatz The quote said that no species had been found that did not exhibit homosexual behavior; it said nothing about bisexuals not existing. Indeed, since obviously all animals reproduce, if they also exhibit homosexual behavior, it means that all animals are bisexual. No one is saying EVERYONE is bi; monosexuals DO exist.
My grad school was literally behind high walls, walled off from reality. The profs are the LAST ones to know what reality is. And most of them HATE bisexuals.
Estraven53 6 months ago
Comment removed
mentalrectangle 4 months ago
Comment removed
crispin165 1 month ago
@Estraven53 wikipida is not a trusted or good source to get information...everyone who is educated know that. Yes LGBT existed back then but they were destroy and killed.
crispin165 1 month ago
@crispin165 Google "Study: Wikipedia as accurate as Britannica" and read the comments. Wikipedia is nearly as accurate as the Encyclopedia Britannica, and a lot more up to date. And in any case, I am certainly not getting my historical references just from Wiki, but from lectures I have been to, photos of ancient art, translations of ancient poetry, books I have read, etc. You are making it up in your head that LGBT people were killed, because that is not generally true.
Estraven53 1 month ago
@Estraven53 they were, i can see you are not educated well enough. WIKIpedia is not a trusted soure. University, professior, debators don't use this source at all and they even tell the students not to this site but site ending in edu, not org. com. or gov. IT is you that can't accept the truth, have you even study history and the laws put back then? matter of fact, i going to research and look up right now and come back with facts
crispin165 1 month ago
@crispin165 Good idea, getting the facts. Start with "Bisexuality in the Ancient World" by Eva Cantarella which describes the bisexual life of ancient Greece and Rome. Then I would suggest you read "The Spirit and the Flesh," by Walter Williams, which describes how the Native Americans were bisexual and transgendered until the missionaries got here and suppressed all that. Next Boy-Wives and Female Husbands: Studies In African Homosexualities by Stephen O. Murray and Will Roscoe.
Estraven53 1 month ago
Done yet? Next read "Male Colors: The Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan" by Gary Leupp and then "Islamic Homosexualities: Culture, History, and Literature," Eds. Will Roscoe and Stephen Murray, which documents homo/bisexuality across the Islamic world.
Estraven53 1 month ago
Who the hell cares?
I'm too busy dealing with life to worry about who is having sex with who.
Only the religious feel they have the right to intrude on one of the most intimate and private areas of a person's life. No-one else feels the need to pick on others on such a wide scale to make themselves feel validated.
They can take their holy book and shove it up their arse because it's as much use up there as a guiding light as it is in real life.
Lawlessuk 8 months ago 3
So a guy can have sex with 100 people in his lifetime and if 99 of those people are women and 1 is a dude, that makes him gay? How's that for fucked up logic? I agree with Dan. The rule that applies to women should also apply to men.
brownhornet22 9 months ago
We, as a species, are filled with so much diversity that i could never believe the spectrum of our sexuality is limited to only two or three options. Every person, no matter how straight or gay, has the potential to fall for someone out of their normal preferences. It just happens, we are far too complex to have such a limited orientation.
TheFreethinker1986 10 months ago
I wanna see that hot firefighter. I love androgyny.
DanmEveryNameIsTaken 10 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
"I will show you the VIDEO of me fucking her!!!"
PlatypuSPawn 10 months ago
never say never...who knows, you might date one now..
GholmannUa 10 months ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I would never dated a guy who had sex with another guy. That means he is gay to me and i don't date gay men. I don't want a boyfriend on the down low. That is nasty.
cheersdrinktothat 10 months ago
he would get fukkkkkkd by her lol
kalobad 11 months ago
Women are half the reason that many straight guys never dabble. I know a lot of women who wont date a man, if he has ever been with a guy before. Eww...thats gross...although ironicly many of those women would fuck a hot gay guy given the chance.
WhoKnowsDenver 11 months ago
Oh, and also, as a particularly girly looking guy, I can vouch that attraction, especially from a friend, can be stronger than sexual identity. I've had enough guys call me "an exception" to know that.
Tokorai 11 months ago
Firefighter woman sounds totally hot ~_~ Why can't I find anyone like that?
Tokorai 11 months ago
@wyatt9600 One of the biggest advocates for safe sex in the country is going to die of AIDS? I find that hard to believe.
TwoCows23 11 months ago
@wyatt9600 maybe this will put you in check somehow...imagine if everyone you know saw that you wrote that. u know u'd be squirming!
dannlynch 11 months ago
There is a double standard that I don't see changing, and if a guy were to admit he did things with a man, he could no longer be considered straight. Sorry about that. It sucks, but it's the truth.
TheRenster500 1 year ago
The Kinsey Scale of human lack of sexuality, eh?
SexyMelon 1 year ago
I think I do that to my friends. Like... seriously... they all look at me funny... and wanna like kiss me... I'm a guy with guy friends... and I'm straight... and seriously they all call me cute... and they all like... wanna do my ass. HAHAHA I swear it's true. If I got them drunk they'd make out with me I SWEAR!
maxwellpassion 1 year ago 5
Isn't this the debate that defines bi-sexual?
Skarsgarding 1 year ago 3
I love it when he bangs the podium as he says he'll fuck her. There's just something so classic about it.
Dan Savage rocks.
phuturephunk 1 year ago 6
the only difference between GAY, STRAIGHT AND BI... is what your heart is capable of, NOT YOUR SEX ORGANS. Amen?
Celie3678 1 year ago 29
@Celie3678 Amen.
haruhistnumber5 1 year ago
@Celie3678 huh? i dont get that.. isnt sexual attraction kind of a big deal in determening if someones gay, straight or bi? I love my guy friend but im not gay.. so what do you mean?
IneffableLifestyle 5 days ago
@IneffableLifestyle the guy in this video explains it best.
Celie3678 2 days ago
This has been flagged as spam show
we need to waste this asshole.
WorldIslamicOrder 1 year ago
Ive never been attracted to a woman even if she has masculine features. the trans men Ive seen are ugly! 4 real!
Indigos8rboi 1 year ago
i woul dtotally watch Dan and the firefighter lady get into it....Oh man, beautiful imagery. lol
koifishy02 1 year ago 5
There are plenty of straight guys who cop "opportunistic blowjobs" from gay guys. It's no big deal, and they're not gay. If you fit this description, my email is.....(just kiddin).
transworId 1 year ago 12
I feel like the situation he described. I'm not interested in or attracted to 99.9% of the men in the world. But there are a few that I am attracted to. They are just feminine enough and have the right features that I can't help but find them attractive. And that doesn't make me feel gay or bi.
RaidenTheAlmighty 1 year ago 10
@RaidenTheAlmighty It just means you're comfortable enough with your sexuality! There are like two girls I'd do it with, doesn't make me an ounce less gay.
nfkza 1 year ago
Thanks.
RaidenTheAlmighty 1 year ago
I'm gay but I'd prefer watching straight porn and pussies somehow turn me on more compare to cocks! But no, I'm not straight or bi. Weird eh? But when it comes to relationship I go for hot guys XD
YaoiSutori 1 year ago 2
Dan has stated that, and cited the numerous studies, that female sexuality is far more fluid. Exceptionally so. The male sexuality is far more "wired" (i.e. by and large not fluid). I think it's the cultural fear of male homosexuality, and the pervasive homophobia that makes it the case. Now, I'm a straight man, I've never been attracted to a man so far, but if I could be gay or bi that would be awesome. I really wish I could. And if I fucked Edward Norton, I don't consider myself less straight.
ThomRyaniii 1 year ago 4
I would fuck Dan, and I'm not gay.
paulikin 1 year ago 31
So what's wrong with labels? Differentiating is what our human brains evolved to do. Dangerous/Safe was the first binary, and from that all others have flowed. There are different degrees between the two, but they're still valid. I don't believe there are any true bisexuals; we are who/what we are. Just some people are less inhibited than others. Gay/Straight, and many degrees in between. And what's wrong with that?
mujerado 2 years ago
@mujerado 'So what's wrong with labels?'
There's nothing wrong with labels, so long as you don't confuse the simple label with the complex reality.
KapitanoStuff 1 year ago 4
@mujerado But... what is a "true bisexual?" (To you.)
blooddrivendream 1 year ago
@blooddrivendream IMO a true bisexual would be someone attracted EQUALLY to male and to female. I think most if not all people have a preference for one or the other, even when they enjoy both clams and oysters. Thus they'd be considered either straight with gay tendencies or gay with straight tendencies. Having said that, I don't mind if someone wants to call himself a bisexual; to each his own, as the saying goes.
mujerado 1 year ago
Straight/gay/bi labels are utterly ridiculous, and this whole video is an excellent showing of that. What the fuck is it with people wanting to label themselves and asking questions like that? How about just going "OH HEY I LIKE HUMANS"? Fuck you all. Fuck your labels.
Peace and love.
Lijacote 2 years ago
@Lijacote As long as nobody forces you to adopt a "label," why do you care if others prefer to self-identify? Don't people have a right to be accepted for who they consider themselves to be? I'm a man and I like men, so I identify as gay; if you have a problem with that, it really is your problem and not mine. You can try to MAKE it my problem, of course; but why waste your energy?
mujerado 1 year ago
@mujerado
I don't have to make it your problem, as it already is. Wish you'd have replied when the discussion was still relevant, and not after the memory of it had already passed. Now, you'll only get that first line I gave you.
Lijacote 1 year ago
@Lijacote
You've already "given" me more than your first line. If you mean to say there'll be no more, try to imagine my devastation.
mujerado 1 year ago
@mujerado
I meant to say that you won't get anything more in the present, hence the "now" in my previous message. I'm crushed to notice the sarcasm of your last remark, but it changes nothing.
Lijacote 1 year ago
@Lijacote
It wasn't intended to change anything, only to be recognized.
mujerado 1 year ago
Comment removed
calliopelynx 2 years ago
Dan Savage rules.
phuturephunk 2 years ago 7
Well, I feel much better about being attracted to Zac Efron and still thinking I'm a lesbian. He's just so pretty!
eyesmiling 2 years ago 4
I agree.. my ex is a total straight and he went gay for me specially. I tried to put that into experience where I offered him 3 way or just normal sex with ready hot gay dudes and he refused and said either me or girls!
happylake1 2 years ago 3
Slowly, slowly, we're inching toward a mental model that has more than two categories. Straight, gay. Black, white. Red states, blue states. Republican, Democrat. Heaven, hell. For here, to go.
It's like society's collective brain is slowly embracing the concept of the grey area.
Same for sexuality.
Instead of gay or straight, how about the label "78" for 78 percent straight? What if the number changes for you every day? What if someone calls himself a " 100 "? Or a "20"?
verathewaitress 2 years ago 2
I think it's the recognition that things work more fluidly like a gradient rather than a binary or strict categories. There are many people who feel uncomfortable with the prospect of such a thing because it makes things more complex. Oh well.
poolerboy0077 2 years ago
This is called transitional homosexuality and is well descibed in the literature. Think of prisons. But the real question is who do you love in the romantic sense - guys or girls? Of course, some folks love both, but they are bi.
rollypollyjoe 2 years ago 3
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I don't agree with this. If we go by Dan's definition of what is and what isn't homosexuality, then what exactly constitutes homosexuality??? If a same-sex experience doesn't mean you're gay, then what does?
I'm gay, and I think that many women are pretty, but I'm not the least bit sexually interested in women. I'm not gonna go and have sex with a woman because...she's a WOMAN. So, if a "straight" guy willingly has sex with another guy, it's because he wants to. He WANTS TO have sex with a guy.
spiralshaman 2 years ago
@spiralshaman
The difference here is "a guy" or "a girl" vs "many guys" or "many girls". The point here is proportion.
Yes, I would agree, if someone overwhelmingly sleeps with the same sex and say they're straight or vice-versa, I'd say, "yeah, no."
But the key phrase here is "isolated incidents".
Make sense?
prolefeedprocessor 2 years ago
An "isolated incident" is still an incident. I'm not gonna go stick my dick in a pussy. Why? Because I don't like pussy.
So like I said, if a "straight" guy goes and sticks a dick in his mouth (or even in his ass), it's because he WANTS to.
A friend of mine said something similar during a recent conversation. He said, "I think that there are very few genuinely straight men left in the world". I agree with that.
spiralshaman 2 years ago
Good guy, I like him on Real Time.
FromyColdeadHands 2 years ago 5
oh yea, he is bipartisan there unlike Maher
aweiss 2 years ago
Yeah, Maher is all over the radar on corporations, which makes me think, if Maher is actaully legitimate. He claims to want peace, but wants the CIA meddling in affairs, Maher is all over, in a bad way, he does not have consistent pricinples in politics.
FromyColdeadHands 2 years ago
love you dan
yellick17 2 years ago 5
In the area of identity and emotions I think it is MUCH easier to be a woman than a man. Men are given SO MUCH MORE baggage right from the start and adhere to being placed in this tiny tiny box of who they can be and who they "can't be". it's really tragic. Sexuality is fluid yet men are SO polarized about it and that is the pathetic part about how fucked up guys are. Is like asking a "str8" guy if he thinks another guy is good looking and he says something ridiculous like "I don't know!!"
dannlynch 2 years ago 102
Yes, but straight guys like me are trying to change that habit. In society there has to be a movement for things to change, such as women working to make it conventional to wear pants, for a small example. I don't mind telling other guys in conversation that I have some effeminate qualities. I see it as how some people describe themselves as a happy person or an angry person. If a person says "that's gay"; one could take the time to explain the rationale. Everybody is different and unique:-)
biohaphazard1 2 years ago 5
I think you're boxing men up, dannlynch.
collectivescott2 2 years ago
@dannlynch I agree evrything is fluid!!
TheAsmar26 1 year ago
@dannlynch I agree with you completely, but I don't think we should lose sight of why that is. Our society, on the whole, still views women, as a sex and as a gender, as inferior. This why we tolerate women "trying to be like men" (being butch, tomboy, successful in business, or "masculine" in other ways), but are so hard on men who "act like women" ("sissies", those who act "gay", etc.).
Misogyny doesn't just hurt women, it hurts men, too.
kimberlily1983 1 year ago 7
@dannlynch whoa... an intelligent youtube comment. ROck on buddy.
wkatz0 11 months ago
@dannlynch I agree. I think would have figured my own sexuality out in high school instead of college - you know, much earlier - if it weren't for that double-standard. Because people keep telling you, as a guy, you must be this thing or that thing, with no in-between, it's *** so *** hard to be objective, really steer clear of the labels, and figure yourself out. When they label you so quickly, you naturally resist the label/are forced to think about it too much. Guys don't get room to breathe.
Rudy61287 11 months ago
@dannlynch I only agree to the extent of emotional behavior. Culturally, because men and the''masculine'' mindset have ruled civilization since it began, women have been subjected to many more restrictions on who they can or can't be. A promiscuous man is a stud, the same kind of woman is a slut, and more likely to be punished for it. Women have been kept out of positions of power and told they are not the equal of men in almost every respect. So, I'd say it's still easier overall to be a man.
squamish4244 8 months ago
I need that video Dan.
thedrewbert 2 years ago
Dan, why didn't you mention sex workers whose clients were gay men, but who still identified as straight in their personal life?
Ev859 2 years ago
Love Ya' Dan - the column is a scream on a regular basis; just wished that the 'tube channel wasn't such a hit & miss proposition.
PS - has the lady firefighter posted a reply ? HMMMMMMM???
mahasamatman33 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Huh, so then hes not gay - gay is a lifestyle and is his choice, like if he chose to sleep with that women he chose to sleep with a man.
DofaDofah 2 years ago
Any person can sleep with anyone, regardless of gender -- they have that choice. Whether or not there is attraction there is a different thing.
Dan is saying he COULD have sex with that female firefighter, but he would still identify as being gay because he's more attracted to men. He also probably doesn't want a relationship with that woman, but with another man.
Sexual orientation is not a choice; having SEX with another person (man or woman), IS a choice.
weirdduck88 2 years ago 6
You seem to have missed his point about how if a guy has sex with another guy just once and identifies as straight, he's suddenly labeled as gay, just as a woman who has sex with another woman is not automatically a lesbian.
Ultimately, I think Dan is saying it depends on how you identify yourself, not how others label and identify you. You should know yourself better than others, after all.
weirdduck88 2 years ago 6
Well yes, pretty much. Over the years Dan has relaxed a LOT regarding labels, and I have to agree with him. The point is that since labels exist, you shouldn't be counted as a liar if you have sex with one woman even if you're predominately-- by far-- attracted to men. Or vice versa. You could use the term "bi" and be legitimate, but it seems pretty silly to call someone "bi" when they spend 99% of their time sleeping with people of one sex and 1% sleeping with people of the other.
Rillion12 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
the situations are not comparable- their is no societal stigma to appearing straight, so people are more open about those experiences. If a "straight" identified man has a sexual experience with another man, he is either bisexual or gay- and simply in the closet. This isn't dogging or harassing him by saying that- it is using labels correctly.
benegeseritwhore 2 years ago
this was hilarious
freethinker3161 2 years ago
Funny and interesting stuff dude!
5 stars from TheJapanChannel !
TheJapanChannelDcom 2 years ago
That's exactly how I feel.
canyondude88 2 years ago
Comment removed
Gnidaf 2 years ago
You're a disgusting homophobe.
DivaliciousChristina 2 years ago
Comment removed
Gnidaf 2 years ago
Because?
SuperBitchCircus 2 years ago
Comment removed
Gnidaf 2 years ago
You can't claim not to judge someone and then call them a faggot. If you claim to be a man of God, that's certainly not part of your spiritual beliefs.
SuperBitchCircus 2 years ago
And if homosexuality is against your beliefs, then why are you even watching a gay-themed video to begin with?
SuperBitchCircus 2 years ago 148
@SuperBitchCircus That doesn't follow. I can watch a documentary on slaughter houses and still be a vegetarian.
CambridgeHeights 9 months ago
@SuperBitchCircus to express how much they dont like it
StopFlaggingVideos 7 months ago
not convincing
this is only true if you think being identified as gay is somehow a negative.
benegeseritwhore 2 years ago
i think the point is that labels like gay straight and bi are too narrow and no one fits perfectly into one definition.
vsilver839 2 years ago 2
This has been flagged as spam show
It is easy to define 'gay', 'straight' and 'bi' in so that everyone fits into one and only one category. The definitions accord with ordinary usage to a very high degree. They are vague only to the extent that "had sex" is vague.
Here they are: (1) gay = had sex at least once with a same-sex partner and never with a non same-sex partner; (2) straight = had sex at least once with a non same-sex partner and never with a same-sex partner; (3) neither (1) nor (2).
duanewilliams 2 years ago
I guess I don't see the need to fit people into one and only one category especially for something as fluid and non concrete as sexual desire.
vsilver839 2 years ago 4
so virgins are neither gay nor straight? duh.
happeningfish77 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Virgins would be "bi" according to my definitions. I had in mind that the definitions would only give a definitive answer at the end of one's life. During a person's life you could not be 100% sure what category he/she would ultimately fall into. If classifying a virgin as "bi" disturbs you, you could add a category 'asexual'.
My main point was simply that one can offer definitions that strictly classify everyone and that accord strongly with our usual understanding of sexual orientation.
duanewilliams 2 years ago
Sure, but everyone has their own definitions and in fact there's not an awful lot of use in having hard fast ones. Too normative to describe us well! :)
A virgin who masturbates is hardly asexual, for instance... and if they get off to hetero and homo images or stories, does that swing them one way or another? There are *so* many different behaviours/expressions of sexuality. Not much point worrying about it. Just, you know, get naked and have fun.
happeningfish77 2 years ago 7
Or as jjhawj said, just do away with the unhelpful labels.
dwperkins 2 years ago
So why don't we admit the reality of bisexuality instead of having to do the intricate explanation?
dwperkins 2 years ago
Because he is talking about 1 or a few encounters and not an attraction for both genders (which is what bi implies). If you apply what Dan is talking about to bisexuality then almost everyone would be considered bi.
vsilver839 2 years ago 3
I agree and I would watch the video!
gayledi 2 years ago 5
I'm really used to listening to the podcast and my brain is trying to adjust to being able to see you as well as hear you. Total sensory disconnect.
I think straight is as straight identifies, really. Smart people do stupid things; it doesn't make them stupid people, right?
happeningfish77 2 years ago
If a man identifies himself as "straight" and yet goes to a rest stop to suck cock three nights a weekI don't care how he identifies, he's at the least not really "straight".
MaryJesusJoseph 2 years ago
he said one cock, not three cocks a week, that is a HUGE difference in the amount of cocks sucked.
fons666 2 years ago 7
I wasn't referring to what Dan said, I was refferring to the idea that we should just automatically accept whatever a person identifies as their orientation. I grew up Mormon--most of the guys I slept with up till the time I was 21 identified as "straight" so I have not patience with that argument.
MaryJesusJoseph 2 years ago
I agree. He would be bisexual. I hate guys who have sex with other guys and yet proclaim their ''heterosexuality''.
ilj007 2 years ago
They're only labels anyway.
snarthy 2 years ago 2
The words, 'gay', 'straight', etc., are labels. The sexual orientations to which they refer are not labels. Most of the talk related to sexual orientation is not about labels, but sometimes it is, such as when someone complains about the choice of the word 'gay' to refer to male homosexuality. When Dan's talking about whether particular sexual actions by straight men imply they are not really straight, he's obviously not talking about a 3-letter word. He's talking about sexual orientation.
duanewilliams 2 years ago 2
Even though I agree with you, Dan, I think it's an interesting question, "Where do you draw the line?" You want to say a married, heterosexually identified guy who sucks cock once can still be considered str8. Okay, what if he does it twice, three times, etc. If he continues to insist he's str8, at what point, if ever, do you decide he's lying or deceiving himself?
duanewilliams 2 years ago
I don't think we are in the position to make this decision for him. My personal opinion is that we should avoid the labeling game. His sexual acts are what pleases him and we should leave it at that. Just as long as it's mutual and all parties involved are aware.
jjhawj 2 years ago 5
if we accept that gay, lesbian, bisexual are labels with necessarily negative connotations, instead of neutral and/or positive identities, then you try to eliminate labels altogether. I don't think this is wise, and it is certainly unrealistic. We should put are energies into to redefining the words as a source of empowerment, not abandon them.
benegeseritwhore 2 years ago
I think it happens surprisingly often that others are in a better situation to make this kind of decision about someone. A person raised in a homophobic society may be self-deceived about his sexual orientation; so another person (his psychiatrist, for example) might be in a better position to judge.
People often do not know why they do the things they do. They may reason about their actions after the fact, looking at what they did, what the situation was, etc. Others may do the same.
duanewilliams 2 years ago