Laura Trice: The power of saying thank you

[thethirdq]

Great stuff...will give it a try asap!!!

[amazeblaze]

Funny she talks about cultures. In Tagalog salamat po is thank you. It stems from the Persians, who said salem (originally meaning "regards"). Later it would mean peace; Indians integrated their culture into the Philippines. Spain would come and integrate the idea of you meaning elder, I think. Po means elder. History repeats itself. Integration means respect. When in rome, you say thank you rome.

[stickybelvedere]

she was expecting a standing ovation

[drdollars77]

Thank you, Dr Laura. Simple but inspiring talk. Resonated within me. I knew i needed to hear this and practice it!

[inspiredmoda]

Did everyone know that this woman makes the most amazing cookies to ever grace this little planet? Go get her cookies there insane!!! AND THANK YOU LAURA!

[derman077]

Thank you , that does feel good ;)

[digitalheir]

Fix the audio on this video kthnx.

[nerdyharry]

"if you have to ask, you'll never know." -louis armstrong.

[HuckleberrySlim]

(additional verse) "funky mother fuckers will not be told to go" - anthony kiedis

if u have to ask, u'll never know! :)

[molewizard]

This is ridiculous!

The reason you don't ask for praise is because you want it to be SINCERE, and if you ask, people will say it simply because you have asked, not because they appreciate what you've done.

That doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out. <_<

[HuckleberrySlim]

the audio is a little off from the video, but.....thank you

lol

[CPeyser08]

haha, I finished the video and was like "what is wrong with my computer..." then I saw this comment, haha.

Glad it's not just me!

Thank you! (haha)

[Jedidiah960]

Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins. Acts 2.38.

[iamcrazydave]

God doesn't care what you do God's love is unconditional, like the sun shining on every being.

[nerdyharry]

yeah but that doesn't seem to be enough for most people. the raw appeal of christianity [before it's symbology was sucked dry by anyone with ulterior motives and a printing press] was/is that it seems to offer a mechanism by which to synthesize a route to closure of whatever they feel is holding them from simply being.

the sun doesn't shine on every being; some are still too afraid to come out of the trees.

[rationalCrash]

which god? zeus? apollo? shiva? (isn't shiva the destroyer?).

P.S. the sun doesn't shine on gophers and worms or on people at night.

[iamcrazydave]

Nope but the moon and stars do, it just that these repent dudes splash a load of guilt around that is just cultural taboos from a by-gone age, that are needless if God requires anything of man its to have a good laugh, and if you've ever had a individual experience of Universal Love You will know that all the littleness you send it all your shames and guilts it just Loves totally unconditionally and that is one thing that finally brings you to your knees in tears of gratitude.

[rationalCrash]

you haven't answered my question, which god are you talking about? zeus, apollo, thor?

Want to experience "universal love" (whatever that means), just take heroin. Are you saying people should take heroin and other drugs? seriously, where are your morals?

[iamcrazydave]

You sure are one agressive person rationalcrash. I am not saying peple should or should not do be have anything. What I am saying is that those who spread guilt around are just deluded. As for Morals its who you choose to be in the moment that counts. the god I talk about is that All that is both seen and unseen ever present now. Personally I call that Chief cos I am a irreverant child, and the Chief kinda likes irreverance beats the crap outta those pious bastards who preach repentance.

[rationalCrash]

discussing morals and ethics is good, but why bring in any talk about (almost certainly) non-existent deities? It isn't just the religious guilt spreaders who are deluded; it is anyone who is dogmatic and has faith. Ignoring reality (that is what faith and dogma do through ignoring evidence) is one of the biggest problems.

[bajawind]

praise won't turn you into a pussy...

[punkslashhippy]

i disagree, my rugby coach used to ride me if i didn't do something right, pointing out every flaw till i got it right. very rarely did he actually praise someone. he pushed me hard but it helped.

and also by thanking people rarely it added far more when he actually did praise you. a quiet nod or a pat on the back for a good piece of play would mean far more than if he thanked me for every time i didnt trip over my own feet or drop the ball.

by over using it, praise would loose its importance.

[kubikmaster]

Dont tell me, you trained for the texas cowboys or the buffalo bills, otherwise why would he ride you?. ROFL I am so innocents

[Wamuigi]

But you do not have to over use it. And you do not have to say only "thank you" and add nothing else. It has to be meaningful; you have to say "thank you for doing this or being this way", and you have to actually feel that you are grateful. Because if you fake it, trust me, it will be detected.

[punkslashhippy]

i think you misunderstood my comment, the power words/actions have comes from how and when you use them.

if i told every girlfriend i ever had that i loved them, it wouldn't mean as much when i said it to my future wife.

if you use a word/phrase sparingly it has more impact when you eventually do use it.

[Wamuigi]

you are right, I did misunderstood your comment and I appreciate that you helped me understand you. and the "pat on the back" or the "nod" thing sure is meaningful. non verbal communication is in most of the cases better and truthful.

[punkslashhippy]

its alright mate, have a good life :D

[homerthompsonman]

I find this sort of strained new-age namby-pamby twisted logic to be another symptom of a lack of acceptance of the limits of human freedoms and powers.

One must wait for praise, and not be in such a rush, lest he knock the value out of the generousity of others.

[homerthompsonman]

No: the reason people don't ask for praise is the same reason girls don't ask for flowers, If you have to ask then it wasn't a genuine expression.

We want praise, we crave it, sure, but deep down we know if we only get it after asking then it just not quite as valuable.

You wanna "true" your fucking wheels stop listening to namby pamby pap like this.

I am sorry TED, but this one is not worthy of praise.

[tutubi49]

maybe another way of saying this is that you may thank people, instead of waiting to be the one receiving praise;

so that, instead of waiting for something, you are the first to give it away.

And when you give it, you often somehow don't care that much of getting it anymore.

[ezmorningrebel]

Agreed homerthompsonman, the kind of approval and acknowledgment we naturally seek as people is not what we're going to get if we follow this woman's advice.

Once you ask for a certain kind of praise or attention, it's no longer an unprecipitated, genuine act on the part of the other person. This may be temporarily cathartic but will only reveal itself to be unfulfilling in the long run.

[homerthompsonman]

I like it when people agree with me! And I find I am even more pleased to find friends of philosophy out there.

Cheers ezmorningrebel! Here is to the examined life!

[a87fhj]

I think you're missing the point; it is not to ask for some kind of recognition that the person asked wouldn't feel is justified. Instead it is to ask for some kind of recognition that the person wouldn't give on his/her own accord but still feel was warranted. Perhaps because the person felt it wasn't imported enough to mention or to be appreciated. To express the fact that it would be appreciated or that it is important is -I think- a good thing to do.

[homerthompsonman]

Well, I think you might have missed the sublty of my comment.

When someone asks for flowers, they are not asking for something the giver feels is arrented in getting. But the mere fact that ACT first (ask for flowers) takes something important away from the act of giving flowers. After all, the giver might have had it in mind to give flowers or something else, and now the potential future act is tainted the by IMPATIENCE demonstrated by the potential receiver.

[funkyandfree]

It's selfish to make someone wait for something they require so you can feel like you gave it for the correct reason. In that instance, you are not giving so they can feel something. you are giving so you can feel something. And that is probably why they need to ask in the first place.

[homerthompsonman]

A gift of flowers is not a requirement. Gifts can be things that are needed, but that is charity. I am OK with people asking for things they need. What I am NOT Ok with is people who want to muddy the waters and try to make all desires into needs. That is marketing 101: turn the desired object into a NEED and there will be social leverage.

Flowers, and other mementos, must come from the giver as a surprise. That is part of their charm.

[declan3906]

If you fixed up the audio everyone will thank you.

[popitypop]

how come the voice doesnt match the vid..

[danielslzhou]

thank u

[jaymas2]

Thank you!

[Punniabi]

thank you

[elreysincorona]

What the hell is up with the A/V lineup? Dang, I was really looking forward to hearing this.

[georgemargaris]

go to ted . com for all tedtalks in high quality.

[rotatingwah]

testing the power of thank you to fix the audio. testing: thank you, thank you, one, two, three......testing...

[stephenetienne]

This is such a great TED talk. I wish they would fix the audio.

[akylae101]

IMHO It's more important to voice our appreciation and gratitude for the small things, than to ask others to do it for us. If we don't do, we have no right to ask for it. If we do it first, nine times out of tent people will reciprocate.

[sighuponsigh]

I completely agree. Except for the 9 out of tent. Haha. :P

[UzbekUkuleleist]

[Part II] All you're doing is trying to artificially increase your self-esteem by soliciting a positive value judgement from someone else. And because most people are pushovers, they'll probably apologize for not properly showing their appreciation, and from then on will "thank you" constantly for even the smallest favour you do for them. So you'll just be getting false/forced gratitude.

[Organell]

"thanking" you is overated

i'm just fine with seeing someones face light up on gratitude... im more than enough payed with that

[UzbekUkuleleist]

[Part I] Why should I have to -ask- another grown adult to thank me for something I've done? If I've done something for someone that truly deserves his praise, either he'll show his gratitude in some way - even if it's not by directly saying "thank you" - or he won't show any gratitude, and I'll know not to do favours for him anymore. But asking someone to thank you is emotionally immature.

[reivilo]

another great TED speech thank you

[rotatingwah]

thank you in advance for the great job you're going to do in fixing the audio video sync that all the viewers and subscribers are looking forward to and commenting about. testing the power of thank you....thank you, thank you, 1,2,3

[BoozyBeggar]

^^^lulziest comment of the day.

[iosuVakerizzo]

dont you think that if you ask someone to praise you in one or another way, when they do you will feel like it is not a genuine praise? wont you feel like they are just saying it to make you feel better? i would! it wouldnt work for me and i think it wouldnt work for most people so thats the reason why people dont ask for what they want to hear, because they want to hear it coming from that person not as an echo bouncing back from a wall in front of them.

[stephenetienne]

Yes, I agree with you to a point. But like the person you commented just before you, some people don't know how to be appreciative and letting them know that it would be nice to have some feedback or even gratitude for one's work for that person, well that could be a great life learning experience for that unaware and unappreciative person.

[namlhots]

Asking someone for thanks is like asking someone for love. Unrequired if you know the answer and unresolvable if you don't.

Please fix the sync. Thank you.

[guitarguy93]

If you have to ask for a thank you, then what makes it genuine?

[sighuponsigh]

Good question. Idk. I guess its for ppl who don't realize they aren't being appreciative. But even then doesn't make it it genuine, but it could if the person is that clueless.

[norfboi757]

Great message/talk. Horribly out of synch audio. Not what I have come to expect from TED.

[usonianUHF]

is this meant to be an unfiltered presentation, as is the TED of my experience, or a thinly veiled NOKIA corporate message... there is no distinct line between sponsor and presenter.. and it is hard to say how one is meant to relate to the other. JTU

[matshroom]

thanks!

[swyft187]

fix...

pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Justen]

Love it.

[Ch2Diacorda]

This seems so unlike TED --the audio is substantially out of sync with the video.  I would encourage the user account managers to take down this and upload a corrected version. It is a great message and deserves a good presentation.

Thank you. :)

[blath]

Here here.

[Elaina43]

I'm afraid that if I ask for what I need or would like to hear the person I'm asking won't really mean "Thank you" or "Well done" but they will simply be saying by rote what I told them to say.

[abigor315]

way out of sync

[Treknologist]

I wonder what she'd say about FUCK YOU.

[Matty14388]

Waaaaaay out of sync

[wolverine005]

Out of sync.