I discovered this song 2 years ago while trying to overcome a heartbreak... wishing my ex would understand how much she meant to me..today, after almost three years we talked again -she's gone down the wrong path and as I offered her my support, she plain treated me like trash!! Today I think of love of a very different way!! it's not about enduring pain by loving the wrong person..it's about finding the right one who will add years to my life..not take them away!
So beautiful! One of the greatest love songs ever written and it really deserves to be known better... The melody's haunting, the lyrics are stunning, Alanis's voice is utterly mesmerising here. A real treasure ;-)
This is one of my favorite songs of hers. It got me through a very rough time with someone that no longer matters. I posted this on a friend's wall who is now going through the same thing. Alanis sings your heart and your soul and that's why I love her. Such a great song. Great video too. Thanks for this.
@equal1916, I like your question. Can I please take a pick at answering it? The answer depends in the way you are represented by people in public, which gender per se. If you are a man and constantly represented by women (or vice versa) you may think you are gay. However, don't worry too much about being gay or not...it's all a big joke the gender issue and sexuality issue.
I think people misunderstand. There could be no pain in this 'kind of love' which is basically the point of the entire song. She loves him irrespective of what he has to offer. There is knowledge and acceptance of his behavior and she expects nothing else. Hence, no pain!
I think people misunderstand. There could be no pain in this 'kind of love' which is basically the point of the entire song. She loves him irrespective of what he has to offer. There is knowledge and acceptance of his behavior and she expects nothing else. Hence, no pain!
all the ballads, all the poems,and religions, emphasize unconditional love, and guess what, i've found it...i've searched all my life to find someone i could love in this way, and you know what? it hurts like hell.
Alanis can express every aspect of life in her songs. She's a genius. Guys also try her songs- 'no apologies', 'wunderkind', 'versions of violence', 'so called chaos' , pray for peace', 'dear prudence', 'it's a bitch to grow up', 'madness', 'on the tequila',.....................
Alanis is the female counterpart of Pete steele, in terms of musical writing and the baring of the vulnerable soul underneath. Totally different styles, but similar insight. Some may not agree, but I see a parallel in the personalities. In short, all excellent music, real artists and real feelings.
This my life in a song, i give my gilrfriend all the love that my heart have, and she's the only one in my eyes. She's the one i want to see everytime i get home from a hard day at work. She's the love of my life, and il allways be with her :)
My fiance loves me this much, which is what persuaded me to change the break-up into an engagement. I'd always wanted someone who really loved me, and didn't just love having me. If they love you back, you won't get hurt and it gives you a good shot at happily ever after.
I think this is brilliant. She is speaking of REAL love. Not "being IN love". This is unconditional and unselfish. No one will ever be able to explain love better than this. love is NOT the fantasy that has been thrown at us since we were young.
love.... is the hightest expression of freedom! nobody owes nobody.
it's so difficult thinking so but it's the truth. when you can accept this love, you'll be really in peace with yr spirit and everything will be right.
i would like to love in this way... it's naturally to love my kids in this way, but only them by now!!
This song reminds me of my relationship with my bff I love him more than anything but he has a girlfriend so we can only be friends... I'm his best friend, I listen to everything he tells me no matter what it is...and I want nothing in return because his happiness is what matters most to me. (:
I find it sad the number of people commenting who have no understanding of unconditional love. They claim no one can live in a relationship like that. They should learn to lose the programming! It IS possible to live like this;l and to love life; in all it's manifestations.
This is one of her best songs, and I think it applies to my channel because I offer free Photoshop Tutorials and DIgital Painting tutorials and I ask for nothing in return.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
@kurmanka i beg to differ. this comment of yours is very rude. you dont know me at all so you cant say that. please dont reply on my comments what so ever. the nerve to think you know how i love.
@mabm1974 Agreeing with you is... rude, how? All that kurmanka did was empathize with you about how, in general, loving unconditionally can end up hurting one?
In my rather bittersweet experience... the hardest kind of love is where you care so much you want their best - even when it's not you that makes them happy. But in letting go... you do a miraculously beautiful thing, neh?
@Tumnaloth yes because i'm commenting about how i loved this much once and i go hurt. then your comment is if you love with ur ego then yes you will get hurt. you dont know who this love was for. for it was not a sexual love i was talking about. i was talking about my father who fucken died from alcoholism.
@mabm1974 I think you'd better read again - my comment? That's right there, pointing out that people trying to say 'I feel your pain' on a general level - even when they don't know what you're talking about because, let's face it, you never _said it_, doesn't deserve hating.
You're saying it's justified to punch someone in the noggin when they try to be kind? Internet doesn't make you telepathic - that commenter spoke based on what they know - which is not much.
Regardless of any sentiment bias or preconception of what LOVE is. This woman has here recorded the Song of Solomon for any who choose to follow the Real Path.
@BloomingSlowlyScribe i've liked alanis since way back in the 90's. because im expressing what this song means to ME. does not mean that i dont think she isnt a talented singer or that it isnt a good song
My experience is, that I AM the love, that I want from another person, when I love them.
Love IS unconditional, otherwise we call it love and it means: "I love you - and that means, that you have to give me, what I want. And you'll be sorry, if you don't!"
I've learned a lot from Byron Katie's book "I need your love - Is it true?"
I recommend it for the ones, who are ready to take a look at themselves.This book can end your suffering
@freeeyourself as you said in YOUR experience... i cant and wont tell you how to love. as for in my experience it's very different. i dont understand why ppl want to change the way i feel. YAY!! for all of you that have love. Now please stop commenting to me
@freeeyourself not suffering at all... but thank you and actually i do a lot of reading... but self help books are not my thing. im glad that they help you. as i've said b4 everybody experiences love differently and grieves differently. i hope you understand that ur experiences and feelings are nothing compared to mine.
@LumierexCosmic; love is that way, you cant control anyone in any marriage or freindship or relationship, it is equal on both parts that agree to love the commitment is not forced or it is slavery.
great song,only problem is,you'll never find someone like this in a million years!! there is no such thing as an unconditional love,thats not a judgement, its a fact!! thats just how people are,no one is perfect,so we always say its unconditional, but in reality,we're all waiting for something in return,be it,love,sex,support,acceptance,understanding,or on some occasions,money.i'm not saying love itself is false,its just human nature to be a bit selfish at times.
if she's a teenager, try to give her a break..things will calm down after a while..
and also try to not keep mentioning the amount of what you give.. it's like undoing the giving, losing the selfishness which is the whole point of love..
try to understand your daughter..she needs you more than everybody else!
I remember when i dated this man that i wasnt sure what to say to. I came across this song and it hit home and a time later we were married. But now that it is 3 years later he has forgotten the meaning of what i couldnt say and this song said.
@Taymleorrial: with complete respect, the most important part of a relationship is communication. If you can't fall in love with a person again and again as they change and communicate about your feelings, a relationship breaks down. Perhaps if you're still having trouble talking, you could try writing letters. It really helps.
"You Owe Me Nothing in Return" is, in Morissette's words, "about the real definition of what love is ... wanting for someone that you love what they want for themselves. And at the same time not sacrificing my own life and my thoughts and my own beliefs. Supporting someone in their choices and at the same time being able to express what mine are, even if they differ, is the ultimate healthy, loving interaction."
@beatanga - Great Post! - The 'Under Rug Swept' album is very much about whatever experiences Alanis has had with Narcissists... 'Perfect' from 'Jagged Little Pill' is about Narcissistic parents also... This song feels like a bridge to what healthy love should be as opposed to Narcissistic 'self-love' relationships... Similairly, '21 Things I Want In a Lover" is basically full of things that a Narcissist can't give... Great song! Great album! Great artist!
@beatanga I disagree with your definition of "love", what Ms Morissette is describing is the computer "worm hear/see/know all" which grants everything good and bad. This has nothing to do with love, unconditional love, it is in fact the complete negation of human free will and own thoughts.
I suspect there's a sarcastic tone to the lyrics. I cannot imagine that what she's really singing about in the song is that she's consenting to being someone's doormat.
the trick to this kind of love being "perfect" as opposed to flawed or unrequited is this: If you BOTH feel this way. in the end you both win.... I have a very long relationship that is based off theses very precepts and I will tell you it is freedom.
I don't think this song is about unconditional love being real love. I sounds like heart-breaking, unresponded love. "You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it". Noone who truly loves you will ever ask this from you. It reminds me of "That particular time - I knew staying with you meant deserting me"
A guy has a right to feel ambivalent about a relationship or a lover. Ignoring the ambivalence means not paying attention to how the guy feels. It does not necessariy means not loving her. btw, It seems like Alanis has quite an insight into the complxity of intimate relationships...though it does not guarantee success....whatever success means
IMHO anyone who feels ambivalent about a relationship or lover, is in an unhealthy relationship for both of them.
Ambivalent=conflicting feelings both + & - about someone.
Indifferent = not having any feeling.
In TPT she is working all out on saving the relationship while he both wants to save it and wants to let it go. In doing all the work she lost herself.
(Afterall all, she didn't sing "I kept on ignoring the indifference you felt")
I understand what you say but still you make it sound like it's all black or white whereas Alanis (to me) gives the impression in TFT that she responds differently. notice she describles a process she goes from staying and not vanishing, to waiting and being patient with the guy and finally deciding to leave him. Yes, leaving him meant loving herself but she wrote this song I believe to say that this time I was patient and did what love encouraged her to do.
... and in the meantime I lost myself". You're right Irene, that's my favourite line in "That Particular Time". Today I played it on my ipod and found it hard to keep on moving through the rush hour traffic and the snow, I just wanted to sit down on the ground and listen to it.
I understand what you say... at first I thought Alanis is simply being cynical about her love being unrequited...that is
natural. But I played with the idea that Alanis is playing someone who loves unconditionaly in theory. It wouldn't hurt anyone to picture one self lovng tis way , it can lighten up relationships.
First of all I must say I'm enjoying this discussion and I hope everyone else is :-)
I think an important point to consider is, would you want anyone to love you this way (for more than a brief moment)? Ever accepting, ever forgiving, no matter what you do? Without any challenges or even second thoughts?
Even when our parents love us unconditionally, as we grow we still want to impress them and prove ourselves -as well as our love - to them.
"The heart of that song is about the real definition of what love is. And what love is to me is wanting for someone that you love what they want for themselves. And at the same time not sacrificing my own life and my thoughts and my own beliefs."
This suppose to be Alanis's explanation to her own song. So it is about perfect love relatonship.
No I would not want a lover to be ever accepting.. I simply want myself to be ever accepting of myself....not easy though but it's possible
Hi there! Is that quote from Alanis? If so, I'd love to read what she said about this song. Can you tell me where to find it please?
To me the contradiction here, and one of the main dilemmas in all human relationships is, what if you want the best for someone you love but feel what they want for themselves at that moment could end up hurting them? If you truly love them, it's hard to keep your feelings to yourself
On a second note, I don't want to be ever accepting of my own actions, I always try to understand my motivations. But maybe this is splitting hairs, we may both agree about the importance of self respect
I found Alanis's quote thru Google. I tend to agree with Alanis, Love in essence has no boundaries, but in human game it must have. We must let a person we love learn lessons and even go thru pain. Sometimes what we feel to be the right thing for someone is actually a projection of our own mind. Want for your lover what he wants himself and respect your own desires. I believe we are here to experience & grow and not spend energy on avoiding pain of any kind, love and life hurts sometimes.
I dont think so. no one should love that way. it shows not concern other than to prove it's self ...selfless. In that way it is self serving and not really love at all.
how it could be self serving....its pure love that u dont need anything from ..except to love others...when u love and care and dont wait for anything...then u r denying urself...u r not serving it...when u love somebody and u always wait for him to give u the same amount of love..or even more...then u r obviously loving him for urself to be loved...then its self serving...luv u alanis..
What true Selfless Love is really all about, not many of us are able to grant another person such a thing, but its an Ideal to aspire to - Wonderful Words of Wisdom from Alanis as always.
TO me! A perfectt song...so true! sometimes we r juts happy having someone close to you not with you...we have the hope one day that person will realize we r "the one"
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
If you love Alanis , check out Brittany Kwasnik and her original song BREATHE. She sounds alot like Alanis. She is only 15 and is songwriter, guitarist and singer and is also Canadian. She is really great. Post her a comment if you like her music, rate it, and even subscribe to her music videos. I love Alanis and now I love Brittany Kwasnik too!!
My own personal opinion is that this is not unconditional love, but the fact that it is expected of her. Because unconditional love usually doesn't understand that the other person may think her bitter. i.e. shoe dropping
where i'm at, exactly right now: I've realized i've spent years being a bit of a psychic vampire, I'm an artist myself i'm very good at manipulating other people and I feel horrible for it... i'm just about to enter college though i'm in a new city and I know no one in it. I don't have a lot of supportive people in my life currently but i am trying to get my shit together enough to join the peace corps, family or no family...
god that just makes me think I should start sharing honestly but they're all just aquatences at this point... collapse of my informal supports except in a few cases...rehashing my personality currently...
you said it sister but i would probably use the living piss out of someone that was offering unconditional romantic love like that... jesus....
this song makes me feel a strong sense of guilt towards all the people who have been unconditionally supportive... it makes me think about how i'm going to repay the favors...
Yes, you're right. But in normal case, it is symmetrical, and if it is symmetrical, thre isn't any problem. It's a matter of selfconfidence and selflove.
Du, Wanderer im Universum, der du das Dasein wie ein Meteor durchmisst, versäume nicht, deinem Sturz ins Nichts einen Sinn zu geben. Häufe nicht Nichts auf Nichts. Gib deiner flüchtigen Gegenwart in dieser flüchtigen Wirklichkeit einen Sinn, strebe nach der sublimsten aller Verwirklichungen, dem höchsten Ziel des Bewusstseins, das die Materie adelt:
I discovered this song 2 years ago while trying to overcome a heartbreak... wishing my ex would understand how much she meant to me..today, after almost three years we talked again -she's gone down the wrong path and as I offered her my support, she plain treated me like trash!! Today I think of love of a very different way!! it's not about enduring pain by loving the wrong person..it's about finding the right one who will add years to my life..not take them away!
055agome 2 weeks ago
This is Beautifull, any woman interested in having better relationships: Listen to this!
If you want to be more "Beautifull", stop painting your body and Radiate this = )
.. My humble opinion.
ahBistodotcom 4 weeks ago
I want my file please.
kantfail 1 month ago
Great video and song
Thumbs up
5*****
Cellars1978 2 months ago
that's what i'm talkin' 'bout girl..
v2019 2 months ago in playlist v2019's favorites
This has been flagged as spam show
Can you love somebody with such a pure "freedom giving" love and not be fucked in return??
kurtoneal 2 months ago
Comment removed
kurtoneal 2 months ago
"Wishing you whatever you wish yourself."
- Benjamin Smythe -
Taaplari 4 months ago
Bloody good.
epelvipisapa 4 months ago
Wish my ex gf would have had this mindset
pandehigos 4 months ago
So beautiful! One of the greatest love songs ever written and it really deserves to be known better... The melody's haunting, the lyrics are stunning, Alanis's voice is utterly mesmerising here. A real treasure ;-)
akegure 5 months ago 2
this song makes me cry
vatnojokull 5 months ago
14 ppl feel like Alanis owe them something...
rrgarciaff 5 months ago
I love this song! It's such a shame that unconditional love is such a rarity these days.
daj4444 5 months ago
well its a great song, but i think she sings for her son or daughter maybe?? alanis has a great great voice and character and songs,, crazy with her
rania2065 5 months ago
Beautiful, simple video. Love it :o)
fraya1400 6 months ago
Comment removed
badriyah43 6 months ago
One of my favourite Alanis tracks. She has so much love to give in her songs. Unconditional love is priceless.
badriyah43 6 months ago 2
Comment removed
badriyah43 6 months ago
Thank you! This is one of my fav song...great job!
carla3b 6 months ago
that's true.
ArVuTKaVaNa 6 months ago
I give you thanks...
Arouraiouli 7 months ago
I dedicate this to my close friends!
debfan74 7 months ago
~this is the only kind of love as i understand it that there really is~ i think my life story this song is...beautiful :)
thedarksoulyo1 7 months ago 7
I love Alanis so much.
Yokonono99 7 months ago
13 people have never loved.
egotrippromo 8 months ago
This is one of my favorite songs of hers. It got me through a very rough time with someone that no longer matters. I posted this on a friend's wall who is now going through the same thing. Alanis sings your heart and your soul and that's why I love her. Such a great song. Great video too. Thanks for this.
BabyFirefly99 9 months ago
what a message.......
Cosmalaya 9 months ago
One of my all time favs
tirwinlv 9 months ago
O_O i just found the song to sing for friday for a gift to my friend....:)
Br0kenD0lly666 9 months ago
OMG, she's in my head...
roobygurl 9 months ago
you know its great when it inspires others to think
crazyvideosguyful 9 months ago 2
I like it.. Am I gay? :D
equal1916 10 months ago 2
@equal1916, I like your question. Can I please take a pick at answering it? The answer depends in the way you are represented by people in public, which gender per se. If you are a man and constantly represented by women (or vice versa) you may think you are gay. However, don't worry too much about being gay or not...it's all a big joke the gender issue and sexuality issue.
PauleQueenie 9 months ago
You owe me nothing in return. <3
HarvestMoonWish 10 months ago
I think people misunderstand. There could be no pain in this 'kind of love' which is basically the point of the entire song. She loves him irrespective of what he has to offer. There is knowledge and acceptance of his behavior and she expects nothing else. Hence, no pain!
sxnshivani 10 months ago 2
@sxnshivani - Absolutely!!!
Adnaloy75 10 months ago
I think people misunderstand. There could be no pain in this 'kind of love' which is basically the point of the entire song. She loves him irrespective of what he has to offer. There is knowledge and acceptance of his behavior and she expects nothing else. Hence, no pain!
sxnshivani 10 months ago 4
r we talking about marriage here
MrDaddy1122 10 months ago
all the ballads, all the poems,and religions, emphasize unconditional love, and guess what, i've found it...i've searched all my life to find someone i could love in this way, and you know what? it hurts like hell.
anyfntimesweetheart 10 months ago 2
i love the video
that its grey and the fonts fade out..
brilliant!
crocodilianlove89 10 months ago 15
@crocodilianlove89 thank you.
kurmanka 10 months ago
I've only ever felt this way about one guy, so I sent him this song. Needless to say he was speechless and touched.
dancingtiger625 10 months ago
This song make me thinnk of my first crush kate <3<3 <3 <3 <3<3
noseyofni 11 months ago
This is the only kind of love that there really is, the only I know....
AnelyMG 11 months ago
Poet Goddess...one of few advanced minds on this earth. - The Peacock
pavorl69 11 months ago
perfect song for my boyfriend. <3
BONEunderscoreCONE 11 months ago
2:12 the best part!
fiercesasha1 1 year ago
Alanis can express every aspect of life in her songs. She's a genius. Guys also try her songs- 'no apologies', 'wunderkind', 'versions of violence', 'so called chaos' , pray for peace', 'dear prudence', 'it's a bitch to grow up', 'madness', 'on the tequila',.....................
ShauryaAashish 1 year ago
Alanis is the female counterpart of Pete steele, in terms of musical writing and the baring of the vulnerable soul underneath. Totally different styles, but similar insight. Some may not agree, but I see a parallel in the personalities. In short, all excellent music, real artists and real feelings.
punishedexistence 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Its called unconditional Love!! :)
Mstinkerbelle70 1 year ago
Is called unconditional Love!! :)
Mstinkerbelle70 1 year ago
ilove this song you owe me nothing in return
76annaleah 1 year ago
i love this song!!!....16 times...repeat hearing it, and will go on..!
you owe me nothing.....in return.... : )))
TheMarkella82 1 year ago
This my life in a song, i give my gilrfriend all the love that my heart have, and she's the only one in my eyes. She's the one i want to see everytime i get home from a hard day at work. She's the love of my life, and il allways be with her :)
fatalis0007 1 year ago
My fiance loves me this much, which is what persuaded me to change the break-up into an engagement. I'd always wanted someone who really loved me, and didn't just love having me. If they love you back, you won't get hurt and it gives you a good shot at happily ever after.
RMAcosta1 1 year ago 2
oh my!!! great song, great voice! this is really love but is so hard...
kristisha 1 year ago
Bella...
TheVivifire 1 year ago
stunning voice stunning looks is she single yet !
TheNigel22 1 year ago
Perfection.....she is perfection......I love her voice and her soul, she is true..but flawed
22sobe 1 year ago
4:56 is amazing , I love my mother and she loves her mother too
vatnojokull 1 year ago
I think this is brilliant. She is speaking of REAL love. Not "being IN love". This is unconditional and unselfish. No one will ever be able to explain love better than this. love is NOT the fantasy that has been thrown at us since we were young.
LindelofIsGod 1 year ago 2
critical reading comprehension is necessary with written communication..
hwiseman1 1 year ago
awesome lyrics, encompassing everything a human can possibly do to love another person lol
cairobaby 1 year ago 2
I loved that way....it is hard and it hurts like hell but I would do anything for the one I love to be happy.
NINJADOGS 1 year ago
Amazing song!!!
AsociacionOM 1 year ago
love.... is the hightest expression of freedom! nobody owes nobody.
it's so difficult thinking so but it's the truth. when you can accept this love, you'll be really in peace with yr spirit and everything will be right.
i would like to love in this way... it's naturally to love my kids in this way, but only them by now!!
maryanne70fly 1 year ago 3
This song reminds me of my relationship with my bff I love him more than anything but he has a girlfriend so we can only be friends... I'm his best friend, I listen to everything he tells me no matter what it is...and I want nothing in return because his happiness is what matters most to me. (:
Sunflower5561 1 year ago 4
-i love this song:)<3<3
lovekoikaw06 1 year ago
I find it sad the number of people commenting who have no understanding of unconditional love. They claim no one can live in a relationship like that. They should learn to lose the programming! It IS possible to live like this;l and to love life; in all it's manifestations.
This is what "real love" is.
Peace and Love
MikeRadmann 1 year ago 4
Comment removed
lovekoikaw06 1 year ago
This is one of her best songs, and I think it applies to my channel because I offer free Photoshop Tutorials and DIgital Painting tutorials and I ask for nothing in return.
architectus777 1 year ago
i've loved this much , this hard, and it's scary. you will always end up hurt.
mabm1974 1 year ago 55
@mabm1974 i guess i agree. loving in such way you have to be super strong yourself or you are likely to end up hurt.
kurmanka 1 year ago 28
@kurmanka its funny u say that but its so true
Taymleorrial 1 year ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
@kurmanka i beg to differ. this comment of yours is very rude. you dont know me at all so you cant say that. please dont reply on my comments what so ever. the nerve to think you know how i love.
mabm1974 1 year ago
@mabm1974 i didn't mean to judge or evaluate you personally in any way.
kurmanka 1 year ago 25
@mabm1974 Agreeing with you is... rude, how? All that kurmanka did was empathize with you about how, in general, loving unconditionally can end up hurting one?
In my rather bittersweet experience... the hardest kind of love is where you care so much you want their best - even when it's not you that makes them happy. But in letting go... you do a miraculously beautiful thing, neh?
Tumnaloth 1 year ago
@Tumnaloth yes because i'm commenting about how i loved this much once and i go hurt. then your comment is if you love with ur ego then yes you will get hurt. you dont know who this love was for. for it was not a sexual love i was talking about. i was talking about my father who fucken died from alcoholism.
mabm1974 1 year ago
@mabm1974 I think you'd better read again - my comment? That's right there, pointing out that people trying to say 'I feel your pain' on a general level - even when they don't know what you're talking about because, let's face it, you never _said it_, doesn't deserve hating.
You're saying it's justified to punch someone in the noggin when they try to be kind? Internet doesn't make you telepathic - that commenter spoke based on what they know - which is not much.
Tumnaloth 1 year ago
@mabm1974 Whoa... someone should relax a little. Stop listening to this sad music.
newworldorderlover 1 year ago
@newworldorderlover that or dont read my comment
mabm1974 1 year ago
@mabm1974 depends on what is doing the loving...if it's your ego...yes, you will always end up hurt. If it's your soul you can never end up hurt.
tomgrasso 1 year ago
@mabm1974
Regardless of any sentiment bias or preconception of what LOVE is. This woman has here recorded the Song of Solomon for any who choose to follow the Real Path.
Thanks Alanis, you got the flavour
BloomingSlowlyScribe 1 year ago
@BloomingSlowlyScribe i've liked alanis since way back in the 90's. because im expressing what this song means to ME. does not mean that i dont think she isnt a talented singer or that it isnt a good song
mabm1974 1 year ago
Comment removed
freeeyourself 10 months ago
@mabm1974
And - can you absolutely know, that this is true?
My experience is, that I AM the love, that I want from another person, when I love them.
Love IS unconditional, otherwise we call it love and it means: "I love you - and that means, that you have to give me, what I want. And you'll be sorry, if you don't!"
I've learned a lot from Byron Katie's book "I need your love - Is it true?"
I recommend it for the ones, who are ready to take a look at themselves.This book can end your suffering
freeeyourself 10 months ago
@freeeyourself as you said in YOUR experience... i cant and wont tell you how to love. as for in my experience it's very different. i dont understand why ppl want to change the way i feel. YAY!! for all of you that have love. Now please stop commenting to me
mabm1974 10 months ago
@freeeyourself not suffering at all... but thank you and actually i do a lot of reading... but self help books are not my thing. im glad that they help you. as i've said b4 everybody experiences love differently and grieves differently. i hope you understand that ur experiences and feelings are nothing compared to mine.
mabm1974 9 months ago
@mabm1974 So have I. And I'll do it again and again.
After all, this is the only kind of love, as I understand it, that there really is ;)
When you expect something in return that's not love. That's business.
KaptajnKemo 4 months ago
love it compelety, i so understand it !!!
MsNiabee 1 year ago
one word...INCREDIBLE!!!
tripleo7 1 year ago
it's all sarcasm :) that's why i love it.
xabe22 1 year ago
It was writen for her grandmom.
Love between men and women is unfortunately never like this.
LumierexCosmic 1 year ago 2
@LumierexCosmic; love is that way, you cant control anyone in any marriage or freindship or relationship, it is equal on both parts that agree to love the commitment is not forced or it is slavery.
BellaAmore98 1 year ago
@BellaAmore98 - in an ideal case, sure. Unfortunately people aren't perfect.
LumierexCosmic 1 year ago
great lyrics.. all true. =/
sharonrcv 1 year ago
i think this is about a mothers love
jsweet83 1 year ago 3
@jsweet83 could be,but moms can judge you at times.
himurakenshinfan19 1 year ago
i really love this song...
thats the way as i love!!
:)
patty181188 1 year ago
Of course anyone is free to enjoy the song as he likes but i do think there's some sarcasm in the lyrics.
clumsypanda 1 year ago
@clumsypanda
of course there is sarcasm in the lyrics, it's hidden in her "conditional police"
becauseofk 1 year ago
she great!!!
msalterego29 1 year ago
WOW, so true. This makes rethink my own life. Very good song
SabethRavenwing 1 year ago
love it.
smqm 1 year ago
great song,only problem is,you'll never find someone like this in a million years!! there is no such thing as an unconditional love,thats not a judgement, its a fact!! thats just how people are,no one is perfect,so we always say its unconditional, but in reality,we're all waiting for something in return,be it,love,sex,support,acceptance,understanding,or on some occasions,money.i'm not saying love itself is false,its just human nature to be a bit selfish at times.
himurakenshinfan19 1 year ago 5
My daughter is wanting what I've already given. But she wants more than I give.
19theresa63 1 year ago 2
if she's a teenager, try to give her a break..things will calm down after a while..
and also try to not keep mentioning the amount of what you give.. it's like undoing the giving, losing the selfishness which is the whole point of love..
try to understand your daughter..she needs you more than everybody else!
margaritari88 1 year ago 3
Comment removed
84jeff 1 year ago
Comment removed
84jeff 1 year ago
Comment removed
84jeff 1 year ago
I remember when i dated this man that i wasnt sure what to say to. I came across this song and it hit home and a time later we were married. But now that it is 3 years later he has forgotten the meaning of what i couldnt say and this song said.
Taymleorrial 1 year ago
@Taymleorrial: with complete respect, the most important part of a relationship is communication. If you can't fall in love with a person again and again as they change and communicate about your feelings, a relationship breaks down. Perhaps if you're still having trouble talking, you could try writing letters. It really helps.
vasalmon 1 year ago 3
unfortunately most ppl find it hard to love this way:)but he owes me nothing in return-i guess i'm an unconditional girl:))
TheMorning7dew 1 year ago
@CrazyDiamondCat I agree with you
rynobeelee 1 year ago
only one kind of love, and thats unconditional through anything...
DrGrant27 2 years ago
now that's real love!
=)
Sc0tyG 2 years ago 7
Love it, I identify with the lyrics!
WrmSthrnBreeze 2 years ago
Comment removed
PauleQueenie 2 years ago
skiriu savo Mylukui..i love you
raima31 2 years ago
"You Owe Me Nothing in Return" is, in Morissette's words, "about the real definition of what love is ... wanting for someone that you love what they want for themselves. And at the same time not sacrificing my own life and my thoughts and my own beliefs. Supporting someone in their choices and at the same time being able to express what mine are, even if they differ, is the ultimate healthy, loving interaction."
beatanga 2 years ago 81
I Tottaly agree ;)
hernanmosquera 2 years ago
@beatanga - Great Post! - The 'Under Rug Swept' album is very much about whatever experiences Alanis has had with Narcissists... 'Perfect' from 'Jagged Little Pill' is about Narcissistic parents also... This song feels like a bridge to what healthy love should be as opposed to Narcissistic 'self-love' relationships... Similairly, '21 Things I Want In a Lover" is basically full of things that a Narcissist can't give... Great song! Great album! Great artist!
TheJayWhitecotton 1 year ago
@TheJayWhitecotton Well said... I could'nt of put it together so perfectly. =]
DoNtBeEfWiThEeF 1 year ago
@beatanga - if she said those words, then im gonna post these too on my FB and share the vid....with your permission....thanks!
ysairah 1 year ago
@beatanga I disagree with your definition of "love", what Ms Morissette is describing is the computer "worm hear/see/know all" which grants everything good and bad. This has nothing to do with love, unconditional love, it is in fact the complete negation of human free will and own thoughts.
PauleQueenie 1 year ago
I suspect there's a sarcastic tone to the lyrics. I cannot imagine that what she's really singing about in the song is that she's consenting to being someone's doormat.
CrazyDiamondCat 2 years ago 3
Comment removed
PauleQueenie 2 years ago
the trick to this kind of love being "perfect" as opposed to flawed or unrequited is this: If you BOTH feel this way. in the end you both win.... I have a very long relationship that is based off theses very precepts and I will tell you it is freedom.
Devende5 2 years ago
To Ted B. I would say more but that's between me and you baby, and God.
harleyluvrable 2 years ago
In 21 things Alanis says that loving someone can actually feel like freedom.
peacewithin7 2 years ago
This attitude belongs to secure people, that don't really depend on a lover to be happy
You don't actually feed any dream of perfec person, actually you respect people's time and will, so you'll have a storng relationship
Maturity ....
victorragingredlma 2 years ago
loves her.
charmed1ify 2 years ago
I don't think this song is about unconditional love being real love. I sounds like heart-breaking, unresponded love. "You can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it". Noone who truly loves you will ever ask this from you. It reminds me of "That particular time - I knew staying with you meant deserting me"
Foolanna 2 years ago
You have it right Foolanna.
It does represent unresponded love.
Another part of 'That Particular Time' says 'I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt'
IrenefromSomerville 2 years ago
A guy has a right to feel ambivalent about a relationship or a lover. Ignoring the ambivalence means not paying attention to how the guy feels. It does not necessariy means not loving her. btw, It seems like Alanis has quite an insight into the complxity of intimate relationships...though it does not guarantee success....whatever success means
peacewithin7 2 years ago
IMHO anyone who feels ambivalent about a relationship or lover, is in an unhealthy relationship for both of them.
Ambivalent=conflicting feelings both + & - about someone.
Indifferent = not having any feeling.
In TPT she is working all out on saving the relationship while he both wants to save it and wants to let it go. In doing all the work she lost herself.
(Afterall all, she didn't sing "I kept on ignoring the indifference you felt")
IrenefromSomerville 2 years ago
I understand what you say but still you make it sound like it's all black or white whereas Alanis (to me) gives the impression in TFT that she responds differently. notice she describles a process she goes from staying and not vanishing, to waiting and being patient with the guy and finally deciding to leave him. Yes, leaving him meant loving herself but she wrote this song I believe to say that this time I was patient and did what love encouraged her to do.
peacewithin7 2 years ago 2
@peacewithin7
I have seen your threads on this song and I think you understand the song very well.
badriyah43 1 week ago
... and in the meantime I lost myself". You're right Irene, that's my favourite line in "That Particular Time". Today I played it on my ipod and found it hard to keep on moving through the rush hour traffic and the snow, I just wanted to sit down on the ground and listen to it.
Foolanna 2 years ago
I understand what you say... at first I thought Alanis is simply being cynical about her love being unrequited...that is
natural. But I played with the idea that Alanis is playing someone who loves unconditionaly in theory. It wouldn't hurt anyone to picture one self lovng tis way , it can lighten up relationships.
peacewithin7 2 years ago
First of all I must say I'm enjoying this discussion and I hope everyone else is :-)
I think an important point to consider is, would you want anyone to love you this way (for more than a brief moment)? Ever accepting, ever forgiving, no matter what you do? Without any challenges or even second thoughts?
Even when our parents love us unconditionally, as we grow we still want to impress them and prove ourselves -as well as our love - to them.
Foolanna 2 years ago 2
"The heart of that song is about the real definition of what love is. And what love is to me is wanting for someone that you love what they want for themselves. And at the same time not sacrificing my own life and my thoughts and my own beliefs."
This suppose to be Alanis's explanation to her own song. So it is about perfect love relatonship.
No I would not want a lover to be ever accepting.. I simply want myself to be ever accepting of myself....not easy though but it's possible
.
peacewithin7 2 years ago 3
Hi there! Is that quote from Alanis? If so, I'd love to read what she said about this song. Can you tell me where to find it please?
To me the contradiction here, and one of the main dilemmas in all human relationships is, what if you want the best for someone you love but feel what they want for themselves at that moment could end up hurting them? If you truly love them, it's hard to keep your feelings to yourself
Foolanna 2 years ago
On a second note, I don't want to be ever accepting of my own actions, I always try to understand my motivations. But maybe this is splitting hairs, we may both agree about the importance of self respect
Foolanna 2 years ago
I found Alanis's quote thru Google. I tend to agree with Alanis, Love in essence has no boundaries, but in human game it must have. We must let a person we love learn lessons and even go thru pain. Sometimes what we feel to be the right thing for someone is actually a projection of our own mind. Want for your lover what he wants himself and respect your own desires. I believe we are here to experience & grow and not spend energy on avoiding pain of any kind, love and life hurts sometimes.
peacewithin7 2 years ago 3
Comment removed
PauleQueenie 2 years ago
Maybe that was the only kind of love he allowed and she didn't care because love sometimes has great limits.
harleyluvrable 2 years ago
Alanis an Uconditional Lover...so Divine so Cool, I love you
peacewithin7 2 years ago
Alanis I knew from the start you're an angel, I knew you are the one 4 me :0)
peacewithin7 2 years ago
I ♥ it! Thanks for sharing.
raiseheavensarmorer 2 years ago
my favorite with "surrendering" on Under Rug Swept, perfect record.
wrigleyx 2 years ago
YOU OWN ME NOTHING FOR GIVING THE LOVE THAT I GIVE ! BEAUTIFUL !! mY FAVORITE SONG OF ALANIS !!
Nikitaamorable 2 years ago
these lyrics are good guidlines to live by.
tubester92 2 years ago 3
I dont think so. no one should love that way. it shows not concern other than to prove it's self ...selfless. In that way it is self serving and not really love at all.
good song though
angiecbebe 2 years ago
how it could be self serving....its pure love that u dont need anything from ..except to love others...when u love and care and dont wait for anything...then u r denying urself...u r not serving it...when u love somebody and u always wait for him to give u the same amount of love..or even more...then u r obviously loving him for urself to be loved...then its self serving...luv u alanis..
miracleman1984 2 years ago
Love the song,love the meaning
SofiAlmeida94 2 years ago 2
What true Selfless Love is really all about, not many of us are able to grant another person such a thing, but its an Ideal to aspire to - Wonderful Words of Wisdom from Alanis as always.
rockchick80s 2 years ago 3
this would have made for a great single.....I love this song so much
debfan74 2 years ago 2
Comment removed
wisehealer2 2 years ago
Thanks for sharing this very nice song! Thanks to Pennilessfairy for sending me this one!
plattform5163 2 years ago
this view of love is so true.,,, at least for me.........martha you owe me nothing........;0(
RuteliaMari 2 years ago
search Yuridia irremediable its real good.
crazyjuniz90 2 years ago
TO me! A perfectt song...so true! sometimes we r juts happy having someone close to you not with you...we have the hope one day that person will realize we r "the one"
imamiah11 2 years ago 2
This comment has received too many negative votes show
If you love Alanis , check out Brittany Kwasnik and her original song BREATHE. She sounds alot like Alanis. She is only 15 and is songwriter, guitarist and singer and is also Canadian. She is really great. Post her a comment if you like her music, rate it, and even subscribe to her music videos. I love Alanis and now I love Brittany Kwasnik too!!
RhondaSK 2 years ago
Comment removed
nityka 2 years ago
Beautiful soul. :) <3
lisiepiecey 2 years ago 4
My own personal opinion is that this is not unconditional love, but the fact that it is expected of her. Because unconditional love usually doesn't understand that the other person may think her bitter. i.e. shoe dropping
MegCarry 2 years ago
Comment removed
dive311 2 years ago
where i'm at, exactly right now: I've realized i've spent years being a bit of a psychic vampire, I'm an artist myself i'm very good at manipulating other people and I feel horrible for it... i'm just about to enter college though i'm in a new city and I know no one in it. I don't have a lot of supportive people in my life currently but i am trying to get my shit together enough to join the peace corps, family or no family...
Fireinthedawn 2 years ago
god that just makes me think I should start sharing honestly but they're all just aquatences at this point... collapse of my informal supports except in a few cases...rehashing my personality currently...
Fireinthedawn 2 years ago
It is understandable, but it is foolish, and there isn't man who worth it, or, if somebody worth it, he WILL GIVE something in return.
Mimosyce 2 years ago
you said it sister but i would probably use the living piss out of someone that was offering unconditional romantic love like that... jesus....
this song makes me feel a strong sense of guilt towards all the people who have been unconditionally supportive... it makes me think about how i'm going to repay the favors...
Fireinthedawn 2 years ago
Yes, you're right. But in normal case, it is symmetrical, and if it is symmetrical, thre isn't any problem. It's a matter of selfconfidence and selflove.
Mimosyce 2 years ago
Comment removed
dive311 2 years ago
Du, Wanderer im Universum, der du das Dasein wie ein Meteor durchmisst, versäume nicht, deinem Sturz ins Nichts einen Sinn zu geben. Häufe nicht Nichts auf Nichts. Gib deiner flüchtigen Gegenwart in dieser flüchtigen Wirklichkeit einen Sinn, strebe nach der sublimsten aller Verwirklichungen, dem höchsten Ziel des Bewusstseins, das die Materie adelt:
Der allumfassenden Liebe,
DIE NICHT AN IHREM GEGENSTAND HAFTET!
YuOnDo 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
hey every1 check out another of alanis' beautiful song "heart of the house", its fantastic!
flemghi 2 years ago