A man who has had relationships with the opposite sex all his life and is pretty happy finds one day that he falls for a male friend that he wasn't thinking about being attracted to in the beginning...and the only male that he finds himself attracted to is this friend. Would he still be considered gay? I consider myself a soul searcher. I've dated and have fallen in love with men and women. I don't care what the vessel is if I'm attracted to what's on the inside. Does that make sense?
@Ladykatana70 Ah, the "gay for you" conundrum. I tend to be dismissive of this, but there was once a girl in my life that was the exception to the rule. Does that make me straight? I think most people, if they were honest and didn't bow to social pressure, would be more like you are.
i think it is emotional..when i think back to my childhood, and i can look back to friendship i had with boys were DEFINITELY crushes. before i even knew what sex was i just remember intensely liking these boys and wanting to be around them all the time...no sex involved at all
I have a gf, but I've been in relationships more with men, i didnt really enjoy the sexual side of it, but i did enjoy making them feel good, so did it for them! I still however, even after coming out as a lesbian, feel physically attracted to guys. i dont have a chemical reaction with them as i do 4 women. i get the sexual and emotional feelings from being with my girlfriend, but i dont get it all for men. I have fell in love with 3 girls, but never fell in love with a guy. Society pressures!?
I completely agree with you! There's a friend of mine who (for some reason) never actually says i'm gay, but instead says I "like the dick," and it bothers me so much. I don't just like anybody with a dick...there's so much more to it D:
I think sexuality is fluid and that maybe our emotions (sympathy, liking someone, friendly love, romantic love, superficial attraction etc) are all varying levels of the same thing or things that are very close.
But who the heck knows really.
Once I read a bisexual woman stating that she feels emotionally but not sexually attracted to guys but sexually (and not emotionally) attracted to girls. So it was "split" for her, according to what she said.
@Grotomode Wow, that's really interesting about the bisexual woman, but also sad since it sounds like she'll never be able to find a satisfactory partner. Then again, I've known guys that are very feminine emotionally, so maybe she just hasn't met the right person.
Jay, I think sexual attraction is purely a chemical reaction that affects the brain. Love is easily attained without sex, which itself is so often performed void of love. Most people would agree that sex is much more intimate with someone you love. Sexuality in my opinion is often misused today, because one can express or be sexual without performing a physical act whatsoever. Sexual preference is just one aspect of being sexual and doesn't require having sex. All that is required is desire.
I think it's a mistake to say that sexuality is "purely" emotional. Where do emotions come from, after all? They're manifestations of chemical reactions in the brain, largely affected (or effected, to mince words) by hormones. The idea that we can divorce sexuality from the actual sex act is problematic, because where, invariably, does any kind of sexual love lead? Even if sexual attractions don't result in sex, there is still a physical yearning; otherwise, it's just platonic, not sexual.
@MidnightNeverCome Interesting point about emotions have a physical origin. I'm tempted to get all sappy and talk about the soul and all sorts of romantic things like that, but that wouldn't lead anywhere. I do wonder though if it's possible to love someone romantically and not want sex from them. Would that then make it friendship? Surely there's more to an intimate relationship than just a strong friendship with sex thrown in, and yet, it's hard for me to pinpoint what more there is.
@JayBellBooks This may confuse things a bit, but I think it's definitely "possible to love someone romantically and not want sex from them" - but maybe I mean this in a different way. My interpretation of non-sexual romantic love is: I have sexual feelings towards someone, but I don't act on them, to the point where they are so muted that they almost feel nonexistent. For instance, I sometimes feel romantically towards women, but the physical aspect is "muted" - i.e. it's still there. Confusing?
@MidnightNeverCome Every year I meet up with a friend, who I really cannot be sure of my feelings for... They're just as confused, although they've admitted sexual attraction exists. we end up alone, I'm drawn to them... then they're stroking my hair affectionately, I can't breathe, and then we're holding hands... but it never goes further. It's like we know nothing could really happen but we care deeply for eachother, yet it feels for sure like something more than friendship. Is this similar?
I vote for a combination of emotional attraction and physical attraction. In both ways I've only ever been drawn to men. The physical act has nothing to do with it in my case at least: I was gay before I had sex. I know that much.
@warmgulfwind Good point about being gay before you ever had sex. Just out of curiosity, did you realize you were gay by recognizing sexual feelings, or because of something emotional like a crush?
Hey :) Again completely agree, sex is such a small part of ones life regardless of orientation. Sexuality goes so much deeper than the actual act.
to be honest yes, i have been in love with girls before, i am now, but it is such a different kind of love to the love i show towards guys. I mean isn't that what a fag hag is? A girl that you would if ya could, if ya know what i mean.
The act itself for me has to be emotional or have some kind of intrinsic value, or else i can't physically be there
@gothrock88 I totally get what you mean, and I've had girls where I wish I could have loved them back, but it simply wasn't there for more. To me that's a different sort of love. It's very close, but not enough to bridge the gap. I had a straight friend that felt the same way about me. Maybe being able to physically be with someone at that stage is what's needed to take the emotions to the next level. I honestly don't know.
Being homosexual does not mean you have sex with men, it means you fall in love with men. The sex-part usually follows, but I'd say it's just a small part of the equation.
Well, I would say I used this as an excuse for me to say "Oh, Im not gay, its only sexual), but lately Ive been getting MASSIVE crushes, on a lot of celebirties, and people, So massive I usually end up buying every movie from an actor, if I get one, with all the money I can get, It is like IM actually in love.
It isnt the same with females for me, I always see them as friends, and celebirty girls, I thought I had a crush on, isnt the same, But I only have fallen in love with men as well, so idk
@TheCheetahwings Are you saying you feel emotionally for the female celebrities, but the physical aspect isn't there? Or is it only the male celebrities that you get crushes on?
A man who has had relationships with the opposite sex all his life and is pretty happy finds one day that he falls for a male friend that he wasn't thinking about being attracted to in the beginning...and the only male that he finds himself attracted to is this friend. Would he still be considered gay? I consider myself a soul searcher. I've dated and have fallen in love with men and women. I don't care what the vessel is if I'm attracted to what's on the inside. Does that make sense?
Ladykatana70 4 months ago
@Ladykatana70 Ah, the "gay for you" conundrum. I tend to be dismissive of this, but there was once a girl in my life that was the exception to the rule. Does that make me straight? I think most people, if they were honest and didn't bow to social pressure, would be more like you are.
JayBellBooks 4 months ago
i think it is emotional..when i think back to my childhood, and i can look back to friendship i had with boys were DEFINITELY crushes. before i even knew what sex was i just remember intensely liking these boys and wanting to be around them all the time...no sex involved at all
astrolabe1976 4 months ago
I have a gf, but I've been in relationships more with men, i didnt really enjoy the sexual side of it, but i did enjoy making them feel good, so did it for them! I still however, even after coming out as a lesbian, feel physically attracted to guys. i dont have a chemical reaction with them as i do 4 women. i get the sexual and emotional feelings from being with my girlfriend, but i dont get it all for men. I have fell in love with 3 girls, but never fell in love with a guy. Society pressures!?
groovestarr 8 months ago
I completely agree with you! There's a friend of mine who (for some reason) never actually says i'm gay, but instead says I "like the dick," and it bothers me so much. I don't just like anybody with a dick...there's so much more to it D:
PolyesterSweater 8 months ago
I feel the need to say that I can't answer the question of the week
ABookByAnyOtherName 8 months ago
Good morning Jay. First off, how rude of Andreas to flit off on a business trip (kidding)! And your question of the week made my head spin!
antonettebarrows 8 months ago
@antonettebarrows My phrasing of the question made my head spin. LOL I wasn't exactly clear.
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
I think sexuality is fluid and that maybe our emotions (sympathy, liking someone, friendly love, romantic love, superficial attraction etc) are all varying levels of the same thing or things that are very close.
But who the heck knows really.
Once I read a bisexual woman stating that she feels emotionally but not sexually attracted to guys but sexually (and not emotionally) attracted to girls. So it was "split" for her, according to what she said.
Grotomode 8 months ago
@Grotomode Wow, that's really interesting about the bisexual woman, but also sad since it sounds like she'll never be able to find a satisfactory partner. Then again, I've known guys that are very feminine emotionally, so maybe she just hasn't met the right person.
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
Jay, I think sexual attraction is purely a chemical reaction that affects the brain. Love is easily attained without sex, which itself is so often performed void of love. Most people would agree that sex is much more intimate with someone you love. Sexuality in my opinion is often misused today, because one can express or be sexual without performing a physical act whatsoever. Sexual preference is just one aspect of being sexual and doesn't require having sex. All that is required is desire.
madixon2 8 months ago
In my opinion you probably are bisexual because even if it's just one girl, you have been attracted to the opposite sex.
Duii26 8 months ago
I think it's a mistake to say that sexuality is "purely" emotional. Where do emotions come from, after all? They're manifestations of chemical reactions in the brain, largely affected (or effected, to mince words) by hormones. The idea that we can divorce sexuality from the actual sex act is problematic, because where, invariably, does any kind of sexual love lead? Even if sexual attractions don't result in sex, there is still a physical yearning; otherwise, it's just platonic, not sexual.
MidnightNeverCome 8 months ago
@MidnightNeverCome Interesting point about emotions have a physical origin. I'm tempted to get all sappy and talk about the soul and all sorts of romantic things like that, but that wouldn't lead anywhere. I do wonder though if it's possible to love someone romantically and not want sex from them. Would that then make it friendship? Surely there's more to an intimate relationship than just a strong friendship with sex thrown in, and yet, it's hard for me to pinpoint what more there is.
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
@JayBellBooks This may confuse things a bit, but I think it's definitely "possible to love someone romantically and not want sex from them" - but maybe I mean this in a different way. My interpretation of non-sexual romantic love is: I have sexual feelings towards someone, but I don't act on them, to the point where they are so muted that they almost feel nonexistent. For instance, I sometimes feel romantically towards women, but the physical aspect is "muted" - i.e. it's still there. Confusing?
MidnightNeverCome 8 months ago
@MidnightNeverCome Every year I meet up with a friend, who I really cannot be sure of my feelings for... They're just as confused, although they've admitted sexual attraction exists. we end up alone, I'm drawn to them... then they're stroking my hair affectionately, I can't breathe, and then we're holding hands... but it never goes further. It's like we know nothing could really happen but we care deeply for eachother, yet it feels for sure like something more than friendship. Is this similar?
frankysophia88 4 months ago
I vote for a combination of emotional attraction and physical attraction. In both ways I've only ever been drawn to men. The physical act has nothing to do with it in my case at least: I was gay before I had sex. I know that much.
I feel so vanilla! Just gay, that's all. haha
warmgulfwind 8 months ago
@warmgulfwind Good point about being gay before you ever had sex. Just out of curiosity, did you realize you were gay by recognizing sexual feelings, or because of something emotional like a crush?
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
Great video...Sexuality is what youa re born with has you exspress it is sexual...Hope that makes sence
depfox 8 months ago
Hey :) Again completely agree, sex is such a small part of ones life regardless of orientation. Sexuality goes so much deeper than the actual act.
to be honest yes, i have been in love with girls before, i am now, but it is such a different kind of love to the love i show towards guys. I mean isn't that what a fag hag is? A girl that you would if ya could, if ya know what i mean.
The act itself for me has to be emotional or have some kind of intrinsic value, or else i can't physically be there
gothrock88 8 months ago
I don't know if i worded that right, but i hope you get what i mean nonetheless ^_^
xx
gothrock88 8 months ago
@gothrock88 I totally get what you mean, and I've had girls where I wish I could have loved them back, but it simply wasn't there for more. To me that's a different sort of love. It's very close, but not enough to bridge the gap. I had a straight friend that felt the same way about me. Maybe being able to physically be with someone at that stage is what's needed to take the emotions to the next level. I honestly don't know.
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
This time I agree with you 100%!
Being homosexual does not mean you have sex with men, it means you fall in love with men. The sex-part usually follows, but I'd say it's just a small part of the equation.
janaxis 8 months ago
Well, I would say I used this as an excuse for me to say "Oh, Im not gay, its only sexual), but lately Ive been getting MASSIVE crushes, on a lot of celebirties, and people, So massive I usually end up buying every movie from an actor, if I get one, with all the money I can get, It is like IM actually in love.
It isnt the same with females for me, I always see them as friends, and celebirty girls, I thought I had a crush on, isnt the same, But I only have fallen in love with men as well, so idk
TheCheetahwings 8 months ago
@TheCheetahwings Are you saying you feel emotionally for the female celebrities, but the physical aspect isn't there? Or is it only the male celebrities that you get crushes on?
JayBellBooks 8 months ago
@JayBellBooks male, I never have fallen for a female celeb, only males, lol :D,
TheCheetahwings 8 months ago