Gilbert Gottfried: The Aristocrats

[opusjosh]

You need to know this jokes history to get the punchline. Thumbs up if yer with me :)

[mratomdude]

i am deeply siturbed

[captainfarktard]

I don't get it

[Macmittens411]

@captainfarktard There's only one sentence to the joke, but u can add whatever u want inbetween it. If u understand this is the funniest joke ever told.. best version.

[captainfarktard]

@Macmittens411

Actually I like Bob Saget's version better. The line about wearing a Hemorrhoid like a clown nose cracks me up every time.

[Macmittens411]

@captainfarktard Bob Saget has got to be the corniest guy alive when he was on America's funniest home video. But once he starts telling jokes on stage.. by himself... at "his own" Stand up specials. The man is incredibly vulgar. LOL. I cant get enough jokes about him fuckin Kimmy Gibler in the ass! Lmao.

[SpikesFerret]

Dog is trained very well. LOL

[85Trollrogue]

Does anyone know where I can go to get a written/typed out copy?

[completebastard]

This is not hard to masturbate to.

[completebastard]

This is so sexy. o.o

[squidinkUK]

This is best told in front of a live audience because In some respects it's the audience's reaction that makes this joke appealing. Therefore it's shame the joke finishes very abrubtly so we don't hear the audience's final reaction.

[sMashedpotatoes1]

I couldn't sit through this whole thing so I missed the funny part.

... is there a funny part?...

[TheTerribleMrK]

@sMashedpotatoes1 If you miss a part, then the joke will make no sense...Gilbert said so, so you should watch the whole thing.

[titteringfiend1]

@sMashedpotatoes1 the end lol

[TheTerribleMrK]

Would you believe Ponies got me here...because it did.

[kozzy18]

This is much more intense then the Brian Berris version.

[bdubsquared2]

I started cryin when he did the bill cosby voice lmfao epic

[hiveimperious]

The hardest thing to deal with after hearing this is my penis.

[AndyCarter174]

im confused, this audio clip isnt from aladin?

[TheDrunkenBooma]

@AndyCarter174 .......

[marvincontendo]

this is hard to masturbate to

[fuckedupcupcake]

@marvincontendo amateur.

[X1litoN]

@marvincontendo no, it's very easy to masturbate to

[idontfkinknow1234]

Cunt blood and dick blood

[sallygirl2066]

I can make up things way nastier than what he said lol.

[JigabooCummin4U]

i dont get it explain

[lordzahgurim]

Funny, but Cartman told it better =p

[AssortedBullshit]

I totally don't get this at all.

[Lunarvx22]

@AssortedBullshit There's nothing to get, just take it for what it is

[notjustanothersk8er]

@AssortedBullshit there's really nothing to get. the fun of telling this joke is to make up the whole thing as you go along, and be as dirty as possible

[blackserenade24]

i'm just trying to picture the parrot from alladin saying all this

[Troll1539]

Pictures or it didn't happen.

[aaron18ful]

I don't get it, why are they called the aristocrats???

[LateNightCable]

@aaron18ful "The Aristocrats" is just a name, it's not supposed to make any sense, except that what goes on in the joke is not very aristocratic.

[thesleepyweasel000]

.............

[SlyGuy919]

Curse you amazingly powerful imagination!

[GrassSuitMan]

I have the weirdest boner right now.

[Kenny7288]

1:20 - 1:34 OMG NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD

[TheAlidie]

Absolutely fucking hilarious. Disturbing, but so fucking funny!

[Fjohnk22]

wow 10 minutes i can never take back

[tooldrummer]

Timone?

[KilPenguin]

@tooldrummer Nah, that's Nathan Lane. This is Iago from Aladdin.

[tooldrummer]

@KilPenguin yeah, my bad.

[noscreenname1]

I don't get it 0_o

[Hellogoodbye90gm]

@noscreenname1 How do you not get it, you are trying to be as vulgar as possible, that's the whole joke.

[noscreenname1]

@Hellogoodbye90gm thought the punch line was when they anounced themselve, the aristicats. 0_o

[Hellogoodbye90gm]

@noscreenname1 The punch line is irrelevant, most people don't even know want an aristocrat is.

[noscreenname1]

@Hellogoodbye90gm Do you know and what is it?

[Hellogoodbye90gm]

@noscreenname1 Aristocrats is a member of aristocracy government, which is when the powerful and wealthy people rule a country.. Is Google to hard for you?

[Realitydenizen]

OK, this was funnier than hell as well as being one of the most repulsive monologues I've ever heard.

[jas16899]

Gilbert was funnier when he didn't ALWAYS do that yelling voice.

[redmondgiant]

Where the HELL is the actual video of the 9/11 joke that preceded this one? You can't even Google for it and find any links explaining why it isn't found anywhere.

[redmondgiant]

Doh, I meant to post this on the Aristocrats video from the Hugh Hefner Friar's Club roast back in 2001 instead.

[iCrlyfreek]

This is the best version of this joke I've ever heard lmao

[eatsmaqqz]

@iCrlyfreek personally i find bob saget's the best.

[h2opolodan11]

3:11 LMAO

[PenKalProductions]

Have people never heard of The Aristocrats joke before? I thought it was an obvious concept. It's not about the joke anymore. It's just about saying the most disgusting things you can think of.

[horyclap68]

Wow, that's ten minutes of my life I'll NEVER get back. I'm sorry Lord for even hoping this might be funny.

[ShazzyFreak0]

@horyclap68 lol lord

[Deevoization]

@horyclap68 It took you ten minutes to decide you didn't like it? You don't deserve your ten minutes back, moron.

[horyclap68]

@Deevoization Blow me.

[x21gunsx4everx]

I like how he says cunt.

[MrHawkinsjohn41]

Uh, Saget didn't mention rats in his version

[mrbobmanbob]

This is like the last time I played F.A.T.A.L.

[XxPuRpLeRaBbItxX]

Sounds like a christmas with my family

[mikethemaniac1]

@Shrubberee lol that.....is.....fucked....up!!­!

[TheXell]

Just another day in the Furry fandom.

[sethfafa]

ohhhhhhh, this definietly is not Aristo-cats...

[Shrubberee]

True story.

[bigsteamfan]

I don't get the joke... Someone care to explain... It's an American-only joke or something.. ? I'm from Europe..

[HildegaardVanHeusen]

@bigsteamfan it's an anti-joke. Just straight shock humour

[coonquistadoreddie]

it's a racial joke

[waldomademedoit]

@coonquistadoreddie Watch the "aristocrats" documentary. It explains the history of the joke, and how no one tells it the same, even if one person tells it twice. It's not a "racial" joke, it's just supposed to be as disgusting and profane as possible.

[coonquistadoreddie]

@racial and social joke

[Jafahshow]

Sounds like a normal sunday in a mississippi shotgun home.

[utookmynameufuck]

If all the comics, ad Lib this everytime, then it's one of my favorite jokes.

[wolfram407]

ugh the sweat part was so disgusting

[hpland12]

AFLAC!!!!! ...... Too soon?

[ExtremeMedium]

fapping...

[MrWickedjay]

if he was on mock the week i would be pissing myself from the start to the end

[chrisstevensjunior]

i wish there was a family in the world that actually does this.. that'd be awesome xD

[princealishan]

And im the parrot from Aladdin!!

[Jafahshow]

@princealishan I am Jafar...

[roryfitzpatric]

i find this easy to masturbate to.

[Noobdewd]

I'm am repulsed, crying, laughing, puking, gagging, screaming, and freaking out form this........I'm glad I heard this haha

[mrwigg1es]

A Jew talking about an Aryan family engaging in perverted incestuous sex. Only funny if you're a jew or just stupid.

[unholychunk]

@mrwigg1es or you dont get it

[noteverhere]

@mrwigg1es Someone's never heard of the Aristocrats.

[instantstarfan1994]

@mrwigg1es Dude it's an aristrocrats joke that's the basic point

[WytZox1]

When that GET SMART movie was made Gottfried should've played Maxwell Smart. And nobody can tell a dirty joke as good or as enthusiastically as Gilbert Gottfried.

[pimpman896]

O_o... *barf* Oh my god. *barf*

[Keenerr08]

127 people have dirty minds.

[wilde1978]

sounds like the beckham family

[rougedear]

This is pure Mills and Boon

[catothewiser]

Degenerate Jew humor.

[DrCruel]

@catothewiser Actually it sounds more like a cabaret act, but I'll take your word for it.

[sqazsquat]

the rules of the aristocrat joke is that it needs to start with a family walking into a talent agency and then having sex with each other. the joke NEEDS TO BE IMPROMPTU!!! gilbert is making this up as he goes along. and then when the talent agent asks what their name is, they need to say, "the aristocrats!" chevy chase used to have parties at his house where the sole purpose was to tell this joke. the goal is to gross people out as much as possible.

[watcheem]

@sqazsquat thank you, I finally get the joke now and I like it :D

[darylcatpiss]

i love the bit about the dog taking a tremendous shit on the floor

[ThePainkiller85705]

I loled hard at the sweat part. "Ew! Sweat is horrible!" xD

[xdanielxallenx]

anti-humor at its finest. i love gilbert gottfried. bravo...

[alex0424619]

Someone tell me were I can have a written down version of this comedy gold

[george4ever26101]

I still don't get it. :-S

[TheMazon98]

i got my food and drank...

[LinkMyBoy]

This video made me a man

[garethmanEXE]

does anybody have a torrent of this complete roast or something? it seems to have to been censored on youtube.

[AntiChristAntiFail]

This is like a gauntlet of brutality. I love you Gilbert.

[mgfan100]

My English teacher brought me here

[Rythmbot]

Live-Action, please.

[Overbruce]

100 million years of evolution and we still have useless people

[SlyElite23]

*BLEEUUUUAAAAARRRRRGGGH*

that was funny

[kingback19]

Too Soon!

[roryfitzpatric]

loool i first saw this at 1 am on the comedy network i was laughing my balls off.

[Mattecarshop]

eehhhhwwwww SWEAT! ENOUGH WITH THE SWEAT

[WWalton1996]

I did all this.

[TheZairae]

Gilbert Gottfried, Trey Parker, Matt Stone. Artists.

[MYNAMEISFRANKENSTEIN]

@TheZairae you're retarded. those people suck.

[TheZairae]

@MYNAMEISFRANKENSTEIN Who knows? Maybe dick tastes good. Do you have anything to share from experience?

[theguycalledchris]

I THOUGHT HEATH LEDGER WAS DEAD

[hectormurray28]

press 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 to get confused

[zRev1983]

@hectormurray28 watching it strait through will have the same effect

[SkateHomeless]

Gilbert fucking nailed this shit (no pun intended), best version I've ever heard.

[CountryMusicFanForev]

I heard this on the TV when I was 8. I was horrified, but so amused I was chuckling right before I fall asleep/

[D3RK3]

ಠ_ಠ

[strongboyfahad52]

Asf bought me here

[imthunderfang]

The Master Quest, Master Quest, Master Quest, Master Quest, Master Quest, Master Quest!!!

[ThePaintballplayer13]

Asf brought me

[elsuperbalu]

I have the weirdest boner...

[ironbanana101]

The Master Quest

[RampRat1984]

122 people here have been fucked by their dog

[M0VIES4U2]

After this, I want to hear his reaction when his script for "Aladdin" told to him squawk.

[aileanwazere]

His voice is exactly like stanhopes ...

[nostalgicdrummer]

that's disgusting, i can't believe he'd actually bring up sweat.

[CapnSammich]

@nostalgicdrummer It's unimagineable.

[idonotknowme]

I always enjoy this joke for how is perfectly describes aristocratic peoples of yesteryear.

[JMitchProductions]

Angry Grandpa brought me here!

[555coco666]

Imagine seeing that scene on a shock site.

[LatinMafiaII]

Gilbert should do audio versions of erotic books

[Gamesheep11]

@LatinMafiaII XD

[whitechocolateballin]

I think i have a best man speech itll start like i walked into my friends house before he got married and i saw...............

[lollygoober]

I find this easy to masturbate to.

[YourAverageJoey]

I have the weirdest boner

[ObviouslyHutch]

alabama?

[guIIiver]

I am posting this from later. Thank you, Gilbert, you were absolutely right.

[Vercable]

reminds me of my last family reunion

[rad3666]

this is the person who did the voice of "Iago" in Aladdin... i was like 6 back then.... i am 18 now i dont even know what to think... im just dying of laughter

[MnMS1904]

i cant find a version better

[artttard]

Why the hell am I sitting through all of this? I... can't... stop...

[teedome3284]

A real foul hole for a mouth I bet he is the main sewage system for NYC

[grimreper163]

@teedome3284 thats the point of the aristocrats joke is a badge of a comedian to see how wrong they can get so if your going to listen to this learn about the joke

[ShortFingeredShreder]

"And they're covered in rat cum!"

[fvox13]

"Really, why leave the dog out? That would be wrong."

[NightDX]

iM DYING MAKE IT STOP AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[aminbrinis]

I dont get it

[glaciermoon]

the fact that this video exists on youtube gives me hope. it's the best existing version of the aristocrats. singlehandedly proves gilbert's one of the greats.

[IFknHateUTube]

i don't get it

[MrJapanTsunami]

114 talent agents.

All i need to say.

[M00nPi92]

Wow…

[xChristianMetalheaDx]

Is this supposed to be funny? This Is nasty shit!!! Whoever likes this is a sick twisted pervert!

[TenWhoWereTaken]

@xChristianMetalheaDx Christianity is a religion of sick, twisted perverts.

[jokers25]

@xChristianMetalheaDx you need to see the movie "The Aristocrats" you will understand the joke better.....Gilbert tell the best Aristocrats ever

[wynnefox]

@jokers25 I have to disagree. While Gilbert is amazing, Bob Saget blew me away.

[luigithekid]

@xChristianMetalheaDx i knew it was your family in the joke

[DeathByRickenbacker]

@xChristianMetalheaDx Clearly didn't get the joke...

[Ep1cW1nPr0duct10nz]

He was on Hannah Montana! Lollll

[itzeyadig]

way better than Bob Foggot's version

[talkingshadow]

whats the joke in all this sick grouse story!!

[PolarityArt]

"This is like one of those Jewish prayers..." LOL.

[jimbobhk2009]

oh my god

[chentiviri]

I have a huge headache induced by laughter. I have a new found respect for Gilbert Gottfried.

[devonbeynon]

F**** man this gets sicker and sicker

[96MatthewReynolds96]

Oh my god I cried and and threw up a little In my mouth! XD

[Jagwa3]

i cant believe youtube keeps this video up haha

[trueprolouge123]

this is sick and funny hahhaa

[NickFury182]

I can't believe that the talent agent doesn't call the authorities

[Skitch213]

Did he make this up on the spot?

[1234blahluv]

@Skitch213 no it's very old joke. apperently comedians try to "outdo" each other on who can make it more disgusting and immoral. btw it's not suppose to be funny, it's suppose to be wrong....very wrong....and apparently whoever tells it in the nastiest way...it the best?

idk listening to this joke just proved to me how much ignorance is bliss.

[Skitch213]

@1234blahluv Oh, I know know the premise of the joke and why it's told. I'm just wondering if his delivery of it was made up on the spot. He seems to be stuttering a lot during his delivery and all the extra parts that add to the joke kind of makes it seem like this was all improv within the guidelines of the Aristocrats joke.

[redsoxrok34]

@Skitch213 It's supposed to be improv. That's the whole point of the joke, he makes it up as he goes

[<]

@Skitch213 Aristrocrats is ALWAYS improv-d As long as the punchline is made You can make up what ever shit you can. The only condition is that you cannot repeat yourself!