I'm in NYC, and clinically demonstrate certain BPD traits, according to the physicians/psychologists who have seen me. I'm lucky to have a psychiatrist who uses "the least intrusive" therapy (BPDs do worse with CBT/structured therapies): but I am at the same time I'm lacking some specific knowledge, after 11 years. The point, feeling damaged beyond repair, is true with me. Considering the facts, that is not unreasonable. It is what I do with this information, being damaged that matters. peace
you know what sucks? Fucking Blackberry Tour Phone! that's why I threw it against my condo steel door about 5 times and smashed it to bits! at least I didn't throw it against the wall, that would leave a mark on the wall, so i guess I was somewhat in control of my rage? ps. Fuck my borderline step-mother you fucking raged on me EVERY FUCKING day and my stupid PUSSY father who just FUCKING let it happen! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad I've found you, you described this so well & what a relief 2 actually hear this said out loud & so articulately, am looking forward to reading your ebook, big thanks.
Finally someone who gets it! Just bought your e-book Borderline and Rage,, im on page 45 at the moment... wow amazing and very powerful Chapter 3 is just crazy.... exactly what is going through my brain at all times!
I was triggered at work today and I raged again. its so annoying and over the stupidest little thing ever! Got to finish your book.... And your right Anger is a POSTIVE thing... makes me STRONG! But the Rage is Negative make me weak...
@2012GreenGhost420 If you are in the Cambridge in southwestern Ontario, good news, I am setting up a BPD support group (your aren't far from where I am) if you want to know more go to ajmahari.ca and contact me via the form on that site. I'm glad that you are finding the Ebook helpful. Sorry to hear about the trigger. No matter where you work, you can learn to slow down reactions to those triggers.
Cambridge?! ahhhhh no I'm from Kitchener :) I live 3km away from your phoenix risising publications! Small world! Go to swiss chalet much? and yes if VERY interested in a support group, I will contact you via e-mail, thank you very much :)
@2012GreenGhost420 I'll look forward to your email and yeah, sometimes it is a really small world. Nope, I don't go to Swiss Chalet much but love that bargain store in that area :)
@russian1mafia The emotion of anger is positive, it is what some people do with it that is not at all positive. Interesting usage of language at the end there that would suggest that you might benefit from learning more about anger, its purpose and what it can teach you. Perhaps that way you may express yourself in a more open and less defensive way?
can i ask you, what do you feel now that your over bpd that you didnt feel when you had i mean like significant improvements, and also what do you still feel that you felt when you had bpd?
@iamillful To name a few things I have felt since I recovered from BPD - Alive, centered, I know who I am, secure, happy, competent, not afraid of abandonment, not afraid of my feelings, not angry, assertive with boundaries when necessary, get along well with others, non-judgmental, paradox - not black and white thinking, positive, calm, soooo many things I had no idea one could feel when I had BPD. I don't feel any BPD traits like when I had BPD. Life is so much different from the inside out.
I've got BPD and I admit that I get angry a lot, and have had times where I've just lost it altogether. Now instead of smashing things up I've gone to cutting and been so close to ending it all sometimes. I've been given antipsychotics like Chlorpromazine and felt no emotions on them, I refuse to take them because of these effects of them. I'll take Benzodiazepines and antidepressants but not antipsychotics!!
I wasn't abused either. Although I had critical parents. But my 3 siblings are fine. My theory is that I am simply more sensitive and therefore experienced their criticism more deeply.
@bpdmale Dear bpdmale.....I have been a mom for 25 years....a parent should be loving , caring, supportive and encouraging to their children.....to me criticism is a form of abuse. You deserved as every child does to be loved unconditionally by your parents.....in a perfect world this would happen. May you find the peace and love you deserve.....: )
@bpdmale Not all who are diagnosed with BPD were sexually abused. It can be argued that critical parenting is emotionally abusive. Children need nurture, support, and validation. Criticism, that isn't constructive and well-balanced with positive affirmation does not support a healthy sense of self. Sensitivity may play a role, however, be careful not to take responsibility for something "wrong" in you when you were you were the child and whatever lead to BPD for you, is not your fault.
@ajmahari This is so true! You don't have to be horribly sexually abused to develop really awful symptoms later in life, whether you call it BPD seems beside the point.
Parents who are indifferent, dismissive, distant or who are passive can cause INCREDIBLE damage to the child because children can READ their parents.
Look up "Heinz Kohut - Reflections on Empathy" on YouTube and listen to what he says at 2:50.
these videos are so dead on, you have so much insight. I am slowly recovering, learning how to care for self, i was molested as a child then was not able to speak about it as an adult with my mother, she would not acknowledge it. Thank you for these videos.
@yatesmsw Thanks :) Sorry to hear that about your childhood. My mother and father wouldn't acknowledge what they did to me either. We must live our own truth and not allow it to be invalidated.
its not true that everyone with Bpd is abused by there parents
i wasnt i come from a loving home my parents were always there for me and always are i have loving parents <3 it was the bullying at school and the abusive behaviour from ex boyfriends that bought mine on.so please dont say that because its not always true!!!
@LadyValentine666 I haven't ever said that all people with BPD were abused by their parents at all. The seeds of BPD are planted well before or up to the age of 3. The experience you mention of being bullied and abused by boyfriends may well have been what played a significant role in BPD coming to light in your life. It would not be the sole cause. As I said, I have never said that all with BPD are abused by parents or sexually abused - 75% are - but not all.
It would be kind of interesting to compare the percentage of BPD people having experienced sexual or family abuse vs the percentage of the general population. I imagine that between the two, there isn't much difference. Of course, even if there wasn't a difference, that doesn't mean it is a non-contributing factor,
Hey AJ another great vid. I really have appreciated your insight as I have come to terms with a past relationship with a woman that has BPD/NPD/HPD reactive/defensive patterns. It was the most painfull relationship precisely because it was an opening to past loss and anger related to my BPD/NPD parents. Thank you again
I'm in NYC, and clinically demonstrate certain BPD traits, according to the physicians/psychologists who have seen me. I'm lucky to have a psychiatrist who uses "the least intrusive" therapy (BPDs do worse with CBT/structured therapies): but I am at the same time I'm lacking some specific knowledge, after 11 years. The point, feeling damaged beyond repair, is true with me. Considering the facts, that is not unreasonable. It is what I do with this information, being damaged that matters. peace
13abbitt 7 months ago
you know what sucks? Fucking Blackberry Tour Phone! that's why I threw it against my condo steel door about 5 times and smashed it to bits! at least I didn't throw it against the wall, that would leave a mark on the wall, so i guess I was somewhat in control of my rage? ps. Fuck my borderline step-mother you fucking raged on me EVERY FUCKING day and my stupid PUSSY father who just FUCKING let it happen! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
2012GreenGhost420 8 months ago
I'm so glad I've found you, you described this so well & what a relief 2 actually hear this said out loud & so articulately, am looking forward to reading your ebook, big thanks.
smmeegal 8 months ago
Finally someone who gets it! Just bought your e-book Borderline and Rage,, im on page 45 at the moment... wow amazing and very powerful Chapter 3 is just crazy.... exactly what is going through my brain at all times!
I was triggered at work today and I raged again. its so annoying and over the stupidest little thing ever! Got to finish your book.... And your right Anger is a POSTIVE thing... makes me STRONG! But the Rage is Negative make me weak...
Doesn't help that I work in CAMBRIDGE! ahh lol
2012GreenGhost420 8 months ago
@2012GreenGhost420 If you are in the Cambridge in southwestern Ontario, good news, I am setting up a BPD support group (your aren't far from where I am) if you want to know more go to ajmahari.ca and contact me via the form on that site. I'm glad that you are finding the Ebook helpful. Sorry to hear about the trigger. No matter where you work, you can learn to slow down reactions to those triggers.
ajmahari 8 months ago 2
@ajmahari
Cambridge?! ahhhhh no I'm from Kitchener :) I live 3km away from your phoenix risising publications! Small world! Go to swiss chalet much? and yes if VERY interested in a support group, I will contact you via e-mail, thank you very much :)
2012GreenGhost420 8 months ago
@2012GreenGhost420 I'll look forward to your email and yeah, sometimes it is a really small world. Nope, I don't go to Swiss Chalet much but love that bargain store in that area :)
ajmahari 8 months ago
anger is NOT positive. the fuck
russian1mafia 9 months ago
@russian1mafia The emotion of anger is positive, it is what some people do with it that is not at all positive. Interesting usage of language at the end there that would suggest that you might benefit from learning more about anger, its purpose and what it can teach you. Perhaps that way you may express yourself in a more open and less defensive way?
ajmahari 9 months ago
After listening to this I am 80% sure I have BPD not Bipolar my PHD's all think.
MsAgnosticatheist 11 months ago
can i ask you, what do you feel now that your over bpd that you didnt feel when you had i mean like significant improvements, and also what do you still feel that you felt when you had bpd?
iamillful 1 year ago
@iamillful To name a few things I have felt since I recovered from BPD - Alive, centered, I know who I am, secure, happy, competent, not afraid of abandonment, not afraid of my feelings, not angry, assertive with boundaries when necessary, get along well with others, non-judgmental, paradox - not black and white thinking, positive, calm, soooo many things I had no idea one could feel when I had BPD. I don't feel any BPD traits like when I had BPD. Life is so much different from the inside out.
ajmahari 8 months ago 4
I've got BPD and I admit that I get angry a lot, and have had times where I've just lost it altogether. Now instead of smashing things up I've gone to cutting and been so close to ending it all sometimes. I've been given antipsychotics like Chlorpromazine and felt no emotions on them, I refuse to take them because of these effects of them. I'll take Benzodiazepines and antidepressants but not antipsychotics!!
Carlm2 1 year ago
Thank you for your video....very helpful and useful information
KarenLewis7 1 year ago 2
@KarenLewis7 You are welcome.
ajmahari 1 year ago
I wasn't abused either. Although I had critical parents. But my 3 siblings are fine. My theory is that I am simply more sensitive and therefore experienced their criticism more deeply.
bpdmale 1 year ago 3
@bpdmale Dear bpdmale.....I have been a mom for 25 years....a parent should be loving , caring, supportive and encouraging to their children.....to me criticism is a form of abuse. You deserved as every child does to be loved unconditionally by your parents.....in a perfect world this would happen. May you find the peace and love you deserve.....: )
KarenLewis7 1 year ago 3
@KarenLewis7 Well said :)
ajmahari 1 year ago
@bpdmale Not all who are diagnosed with BPD were sexually abused. It can be argued that critical parenting is emotionally abusive. Children need nurture, support, and validation. Criticism, that isn't constructive and well-balanced with positive affirmation does not support a healthy sense of self. Sensitivity may play a role, however, be careful not to take responsibility for something "wrong" in you when you were you were the child and whatever lead to BPD for you, is not your fault.
ajmahari 1 year ago 3
@ajmahari This is so true! You don't have to be horribly sexually abused to develop really awful symptoms later in life, whether you call it BPD seems beside the point.
Parents who are indifferent, dismissive, distant or who are passive can cause INCREDIBLE damage to the child because children can READ their parents.
Look up "Heinz Kohut - Reflections on Empathy" on YouTube and listen to what he says at 2:50.
scotchvelo 1 month ago
these videos are so dead on, you have so much insight. I am slowly recovering, learning how to care for self, i was molested as a child then was not able to speak about it as an adult with my mother, she would not acknowledge it. Thank you for these videos.
yatesmsw 1 year ago
@yatesmsw Thanks :) Sorry to hear that about your childhood. My mother and father wouldn't acknowledge what they did to me either. We must live our own truth and not allow it to be invalidated.
ajmahari 1 year ago
its not true that everyone with Bpd is abused by there parents
i wasnt i come from a loving home my parents were always there for me and always are i have loving parents <3 it was the bullying at school and the abusive behaviour from ex boyfriends that bought mine on.so please dont say that because its not always true!!!
LadyValentine666 1 year ago
@LadyValentine666 I haven't ever said that all people with BPD were abused by their parents at all. The seeds of BPD are planted well before or up to the age of 3. The experience you mention of being bullied and abused by boyfriends may well have been what played a significant role in BPD coming to light in your life. It would not be the sole cause. As I said, I have never said that all with BPD are abused by parents or sexually abused - 75% are - but not all.
ajmahari 1 year ago
It would be kind of interesting to compare the percentage of BPD people having experienced sexual or family abuse vs the percentage of the general population. I imagine that between the two, there isn't much difference. Of course, even if there wasn't a difference, that doesn't mean it is a non-contributing factor,
PrincessaSophie 1 year ago
Hey AJ another great vid. I really have appreciated your insight as I have come to terms with a past relationship with a woman that has BPD/NPD/HPD reactive/defensive patterns. It was the most painfull relationship precisely because it was an opening to past loss and anger related to my BPD/NPD parents. Thank you again
walkaboutwithme 2 years ago 2