Have you ever had delusions of reference such as news reports being written especially for your benefit or songs being played on the radio just for you?
Oh my god. Wow. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I generally never watch videos relating to mania or hypomania, because although I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 eight months ago, I've always been very very weary of the possibility, and I've never quite believed that I have ever experienced hypomania. Hearing what you have said though... I've done crazy things like that too. I know what that frantic excited energy is. So thank you for putting urself out there. It makes a difference.
My dx is Bipolar NOS along with 2 anxiety disorders (not as severe as your dx) and I simply can't read my journal. I've tried to read some entries a couple times, but they're too scary to read. Perhaps it's because I was trying to read some entries I wrote just before going into a Partial Hospital Program. I'm sure I'll be able to read my journal some time in the future, but not now. You have a lot of courage to go back to your journal and read some of those scary thoughts.
I think you are so courageous for putting yourself out there and making these videos and you can see how much it means to people from all the comments, especially with not many people seeing it. Watching videos on the internets gives me no say on whether you should or shouldn't take your meds haha :) it's a very big decision but I think that you are considering it is courageous too I just hope you are well and stay well and only good things come out of whatever you decide to do.. paix
I can totally relate to what you were like when manic. I tryed going off my meds several times. The longest I went was 9 months. The trigger was working 12 hour swing shifts. Yeah it sucked to say the least. I crashed and burned hard. I found myself conteplating juming off a near-by bridge. I cried out to God to help me and drove home and called my doctor in the morning. I had no medication so I took Benadryl. The DOctor said that was probably a good Idea to take benadryl.
@robertlete That's interesting. I hope that if I go off my meds that I will be able to function well for at least awhile. I'd hate to go off and have an episode right away. I do recognize triggers more now so I think I would be more aware this time around.
Welcome to Pharmascare. Please be careful with meds. OMG, doctors get kick backs from these prescriptions that rewire our brains. They never treat the root cause only symptoms. We aren't made to be on these pills. Everything we need we can get from exercise and proper nutrition. But they will never tell you that cas illness is big business. You might have a condition, but it's treatable. Stay on their meds and you will treat symptom after symptom never getting well. Ween yourself off...slowly.
@stillhippie Well I have to disagree with you. I certainly was not in a state of being "half-asleep" or any such thing so I don't believe that is it. Again, I simply attribute it to my illness and since it all went away with medication I know for certain that it had a lot to do with the bipolar. And it definitely was not a fun experience. A lot of things I experienced were upsetting or agitating to me, which of course is no fun.
i actually think those collages are really beautiful...i'm one of those people that tends to think mental illness is just very intense creativity. keep up the videos, they are really great.
@markdzima I don't recall ever standing motionless. Mainly I would sit or slump to the ground and simply lay however I happened to fall. Then I would stay that way, being in a dazed state for quite some time. This was very frequent during my manic/psychotic periods.
wow this was intense, impressive that you were able to journal. i think your art was expressive and i wouldn't read too much into it. making art of any kind is therapeutic. thanks for sharing your journal. it felt very personal and intimate. you are a brave vlogger!
@Cathryn1962 Thanks for watching. I'm glad I journaled about it as well. It is a good reminder to be able to look back on since some things grow hazy over time.
@daewon07 You're right, they all start with DI. I just had this list running through my head and I tried to purge the words by putting them down on paper.
Please stay on your meds for a least two years or more . I have schizoaffective. and have good insight. I stop taking meds after the first year and ended up in the hospital. After that i took meds for fours years and then stop. Seven years later, i back on meds for anxiety attacks. I never had hallucinations, but had odd behaviors and experiencing delusions. The docs says if schizo behavior occurs frequently in a short time period, its more likely comes back and never goes away.
@iccord I think my doctor told me the same thing. I may or may not go off the meds. I'm sure it will have a lot to do with what my doctor thinks about the idea.
For your health, I agree. {{{hugs}}} I know what you mean about a room bothering you. I get where I can't handle the four walls. I get that agitated feeling. You are showing a different perspective on what it means to be psychotic, and I really hope you continue sharing. The stigma needs to go.
@BipolarStateofBeing I was just doing some reading, and wondered: have you considered other therapies besides pharmaceuticals? Exercise, meditation, accupuncture/-pressure, careful diet, etc...I am not purely for medications, and not totally against them, either, but wonder if you've looked into these other options or if you've considered some different combinations of therapy.
@lovebiotech I've thought about trying exercise and maybe meditation as a means of coping but not really as a means of treatment. I personally don't believe they would help much, after all it is some mechanism of neurotransmitters going awry in the brain that causes this illness so I can't feasibly see how exercise would really help that, if one was not on meds. I am contemplating going off my meds though. If I do I might entertain ideas of trying other methods.
@BipolarStateofBeing Exercise rebalances neurotransmitters, to put it simply. :) That's one reason why it may at least help. There was a theory going around that we cry before we feel sadness. In tests, it was shown that either case is true, we can feel sadness before crying OR we can cry before the emotion kicks in. Likewise, it's been shown posture affects dopamine release, but also, available dopamine affects posture. Multiple approaches to treating this disorder, are wise, I think.
Even with meds, I think watching food and drink consumption, exercise, psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, relaxation, accupuncture or accupressure, etc., can be beneficial, and some combination is required in the treatment of this disorder. Meds alone won't do it. It's almost a mind-over-matter thing. While I don't fully subscribe to that, I've studied enough neurobiology to realize that we truly CAN have a degree of control over our bodies, healing, and even, chemical release.
@BipolarStateofBeing love biotech has a fair point and is not being preachy about it. For some people, meds work, for others exercise works, exercise does release chemical endorphins, so I see where he is coming from.
PS stillhippie is an idiot, I am struggling to see where he is coming from.
thanks for sharing. I know that it isn't easy to share writings that you've made to yourself about yourself to others. That sentence sounds really odd.
wow that video was really interesting...its amazing how much you managed to remember! when I get a bit nuts I tend to forget what I have done...Thanks for sharing!!
@monicanietzsche Yeah, I usually remember most of the stuff that happens. Granted I was writing about it while it was happening, so that helped. I probably wouldn't remember as much now if I hadn't recorded it.
My brother is 29, he has schizoaffective. It all started about 4 years ago when he started hearing voices. He has tried every antipsychotic drug, none stop the voices. He chose to come off the meds 6 months ago, he has had 3 psychotic episodes since then that last for about 1 - 2 weeks, yet he copes so well. Every Time he has an episode he comes out better than before. He can cope without the meds, its not easy but he can do it. Its your choice & only you know whats right for you :) x
Have your ever experienced Hallucinations such as the floors breathing or the walls melting?
john3000931 11 hours ago
Have you ever had delusions of reference such as news reports being written especially for your benefit or songs being played on the radio just for you?
SKULLOFTHECOW2 1 day ago
@SKULLOFTHECOW2 No, I don't think so.
BipolarStateofBeing 12 hours ago
Oh my god. Wow. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I generally never watch videos relating to mania or hypomania, because although I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 eight months ago, I've always been very very weary of the possibility, and I've never quite believed that I have ever experienced hypomania. Hearing what you have said though... I've done crazy things like that too. I know what that frantic excited energy is. So thank you for putting urself out there. It makes a difference.
auroralivejournal 3 months ago
You are so brave. Thank you for your honesty, as it may help others who watch this, and struggle with similar things.
fulishproductions 3 months ago 2
@fulishproductions Thanks for watching!
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
My dx is Bipolar NOS along with 2 anxiety disorders (not as severe as your dx) and I simply can't read my journal. I've tried to read some entries a couple times, but they're too scary to read. Perhaps it's because I was trying to read some entries I wrote just before going into a Partial Hospital Program. I'm sure I'll be able to read my journal some time in the future, but not now. You have a lot of courage to go back to your journal and read some of those scary thoughts.
mresnicoff 3 months ago
@mresnicoff Thanks. I thought it might be helpful for others to see exactly what I was thinking at the time I was going through all the craziness.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
This sounds like me.
S0doesMEAN 3 months ago
I think you are so courageous for putting yourself out there and making these videos and you can see how much it means to people from all the comments, especially with not many people seeing it. Watching videos on the internets gives me no say on whether you should or shouldn't take your meds haha :) it's a very big decision but I think that you are considering it is courageous too I just hope you are well and stay well and only good things come out of whatever you decide to do.. paix
rarimapirate9 3 months ago
@rarimapirate9 p.s. the video with your band of hus was awesome and very insightful :) cheers and peace again
rarimapirate9 3 months ago
@rarimapirate9 Thanks. I am not sure yet whether I will try to go off the meds. I have a doctor appt. in a week so I will have to decide by then.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
I can totally relate to what you were like when manic. I tryed going off my meds several times. The longest I went was 9 months. The trigger was working 12 hour swing shifts. Yeah it sucked to say the least. I crashed and burned hard. I found myself conteplating juming off a near-by bridge. I cried out to God to help me and drove home and called my doctor in the morning. I had no medication so I took Benadryl. The DOctor said that was probably a good Idea to take benadryl.
robertlete 3 months ago
@robertlete That's interesting. I hope that if I go off my meds that I will be able to function well for at least awhile. I'd hate to go off and have an episode right away. I do recognize triggers more now so I think I would be more aware this time around.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
reduce them gradualy over several months as monthly cycles also affect mood, be carefull
0126lynn 3 months ago in playlist More videos from BipolarStateofBeing
Welcome to Pharmascare. Please be careful with meds. OMG, doctors get kick backs from these prescriptions that rewire our brains. They never treat the root cause only symptoms. We aren't made to be on these pills. Everything we need we can get from exercise and proper nutrition. But they will never tell you that cas illness is big business. You might have a condition, but it's treatable. Stay on their meds and you will treat symptom after symptom never getting well. Ween yourself off...slowly.
IPrayHeComesQuickly 3 months ago
@stillhippie Well I have to disagree with you. I certainly was not in a state of being "half-asleep" or any such thing so I don't believe that is it. Again, I simply attribute it to my illness and since it all went away with medication I know for certain that it had a lot to do with the bipolar. And it definitely was not a fun experience. A lot of things I experienced were upsetting or agitating to me, which of course is no fun.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to come off meds if zyprexa works so well?
SoulsAre4Jesus 3 months ago
@SoulsAre4Jesus Well, I guess I just want to see how I will do and if I can function without it.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
Thank you for sharing the journal with us.
All I can say is take your sweet time getting off meds.
nb23ify 3 months ago
@nb23ify If I do go off meds I'm sure it will be a gradual process.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
i actually think those collages are really beautiful...i'm one of those people that tends to think mental illness is just very intense creativity. keep up the videos, they are really great.
aunttuna24 3 months ago
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Do you know whether the catatonic times ever manifest as standing motionless for long periods of time?
markdzima 3 months ago
@markdzima I don't recall ever standing motionless. Mainly I would sit or slump to the ground and simply lay however I happened to fall. Then I would stay that way, being in a dazed state for quite some time. This was very frequent during my manic/psychotic periods.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
wow im tired lol i really dont want u to go off ur meds know it would broke my heart to see u in that state IF u do be careful
msdelle22 3 months ago
@msdelle22 I will be careful, thanks :)
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
@BipolarStateofBeing ok :)
msdelle22 3 months ago
wow this was intense, impressive that you were able to journal. i think your art was expressive and i wouldn't read too much into it. making art of any kind is therapeutic. thanks for sharing your journal. it felt very personal and intimate. you are a brave vlogger!
Cathryn1962 3 months ago
@Cathryn1962 Thanks for watching. I'm glad I journaled about it as well. It is a good reminder to be able to look back on since some things grow hazy over time.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
What are those words on the first pic I can't see it well they all look like they begin with D.
daewon07 3 months ago
@daewon07 You're right, they all start with DI. I just had this list running through my head and I tried to purge the words by putting them down on paper.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
Those pics are disturbing. Not trying to be mean.
daewon07 3 months ago
@daewon07 LOL it's ok, they weird me out too when I look at them now.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
Thanks for the info and sharing, it's very informative
iccord 3 months ago
Please stay on your meds for a least two years or more . I have schizoaffective. and have good insight. I stop taking meds after the first year and ended up in the hospital. After that i took meds for fours years and then stop. Seven years later, i back on meds for anxiety attacks. I never had hallucinations, but had odd behaviors and experiencing delusions. The docs says if schizo behavior occurs frequently in a short time period, its more likely comes back and never goes away.
iccord 3 months ago
@iccord I think my doctor told me the same thing. I may or may not go off the meds. I'm sure it will have a lot to do with what my doctor thinks about the idea.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
At least you know the warning signs now and have support incase you swing to the manic side again. Just be careful. :)
crAckZ111 3 months ago
@crAckZ111 Exactly.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
For your health, I agree. {{{hugs}}} I know what you mean about a room bothering you. I get where I can't handle the four walls. I get that agitated feeling. You are showing a different perspective on what it means to be psychotic, and I really hope you continue sharing. The stigma needs to go.
lovebiotech 3 months ago
Comment removed
lovebiotech 3 months ago
I meant to say that the B/W pic of yourself was visually interesting. :D The other one reminded me of a Picasso.
lovebiotech 3 months ago
@lovebiotech It was definitely a peculiar experience. I had no idea what was happening to me at the time. Now if it recurs, I know what to look for.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
@BipolarStateofBeing I was just doing some reading, and wondered: have you considered other therapies besides pharmaceuticals? Exercise, meditation, accupuncture/-pressure, careful diet, etc...I am not purely for medications, and not totally against them, either, but wonder if you've looked into these other options or if you've considered some different combinations of therapy.
lovebiotech 3 months ago
@lovebiotech I've thought about trying exercise and maybe meditation as a means of coping but not really as a means of treatment. I personally don't believe they would help much, after all it is some mechanism of neurotransmitters going awry in the brain that causes this illness so I can't feasibly see how exercise would really help that, if one was not on meds. I am contemplating going off my meds though. If I do I might entertain ideas of trying other methods.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
@BipolarStateofBeing Exercise rebalances neurotransmitters, to put it simply. :) That's one reason why it may at least help. There was a theory going around that we cry before we feel sadness. In tests, it was shown that either case is true, we can feel sadness before crying OR we can cry before the emotion kicks in. Likewise, it's been shown posture affects dopamine release, but also, available dopamine affects posture. Multiple approaches to treating this disorder, are wise, I think.
lovebiotech 3 months ago
Even with meds, I think watching food and drink consumption, exercise, psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, relaxation, accupuncture or accupressure, etc., can be beneficial, and some combination is required in the treatment of this disorder. Meds alone won't do it. It's almost a mind-over-matter thing. While I don't fully subscribe to that, I've studied enough neurobiology to realize that we truly CAN have a degree of control over our bodies, healing, and even, chemical release.
lovebiotech 3 months ago
@BipolarStateofBeing love biotech has a fair point and is not being preachy about it. For some people, meds work, for others exercise works, exercise does release chemical endorphins, so I see where he is coming from.
PS stillhippie is an idiot, I am struggling to see where he is coming from.
Jairzinho121 3 months ago
thanks for sharing. I know that it isn't easy to share writings that you've made to yourself about yourself to others. That sentence sounds really odd.
killaken2000 3 months ago
@killaken2000 It made sense to me :)
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
wow that video was really interesting...its amazing how much you managed to remember! when I get a bit nuts I tend to forget what I have done...Thanks for sharing!!
monicanietzsche 3 months ago
@monicanietzsche Yeah, I usually remember most of the stuff that happens. Granted I was writing about it while it was happening, so that helped. I probably wouldn't remember as much now if I hadn't recorded it.
BipolarStateofBeing 3 months ago
My brother is 29, he has schizoaffective. It all started about 4 years ago when he started hearing voices. He has tried every antipsychotic drug, none stop the voices. He chose to come off the meds 6 months ago, he has had 3 psychotic episodes since then that last for about 1 - 2 weeks, yet he copes so well. Every Time he has an episode he comes out better than before. He can cope without the meds, its not easy but he can do it. Its your choice & only you know whats right for you :) x
Irene211084 3 months ago