Internet Porn 1994

[Arto572]

connect to dat dial up

[bobalazs]

This is so true!

[BigBakaJ]

LOL the "porn dudes'" facial expressions are the best part. i know its just and act, but it actually looked like it could have been some cheesy ass porno's. and there's nothing worse then the guy's face being stuck buffering what a total turn off...lol

[dembkomj]

MOM............hang up the phone i'm on aol!

[makepornmakemoney]

so true!

[DannyMack910]

>Lotion

Circumsizedfag detected.

[SheedaWood]

uuhwarmhearted girl who is searching for a man who would be able to satisfy my needs

[glaked23]

Didn't you have to pay like by the minute to use the internet back then?

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Shit, I don't think so - all the poor porn explorers would've gone bankrupt, there would've been a massive depression and the country would've been controlled by adult website conglomerates instead of oil companies. The whole world would be upside down!

[gameglacier]

@SelfmadeMonkeys AOL had by the minute plans and so did MSN online.

[sparticus214]

@glaked23 yes and besides that you can only stay conected for no longer then 15 minets then it shuts off and relisticly that video would not load that fast because the slowness of dail up is not mostly its speed its because its analoge because in stead ofa direct digital data transferer it converts computer launguage with is 1s and 0s into sounds and on top of that its useing a telephone wire with can only do this at 56k persecond  and on regular pages with smaller medium qulity no flash

[sparticus214]

@glaked23 just pictures and text dail up is a bit slugish but ok its the large high quality pictures on ebay and esp java flash and video content that slows the piece of shit to dust and this is not because of sppen its because it take a lot longer to translate then basic contend useind sound and if if were digital like dsl it would still be a slug be would be 80percent faster on video java flash and large high quality picture for example youtube uses a very low qaulity only about 56 kps

[sparticus214]

@glaked23 on most video depending on sound and about 128 on hd and dail up is 56 k on average so if were digital it would load much faster it would still freeze but only for one sec no 8 like it dose so on average you could watvh a 5 minet video in about 7 minets instead of 12

[dracrow12]

Good this video shows a resemble of me. Just kidding. Or am I?

[SmartassCommentary]

fuck dial up!

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

In the face!

[tvsamba]

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Oh shit, tvsamba, did you just pass out on the keyboard? Someone call 911! I just hope your pants are on when they find you...

[HackerTHATSME]

ahahaha

[nta214]

Come to think of it, 1994 in general is just seems so fuckin old and primitive at this point. Like the fuckin stone ages or something man. It's crazy.

[glaked23]

Pretty much let's just take today for example. Today I played my Xbox 360 on an HDTV, used my GPS in my car, talked on a cellphone, and used high speed internet. In 1994 I would've played my SNES on a normal TV, used a map in my car, talked on a home phone or one of those huge cellphones, and used dial-up internet if I had internet.

[Sodahollic]

Honestly I'd like to live in 1994. (except for the internet part)

[ChomuSclavus]

That was when "wac|<ing off" (an older term for "jac|<ing off") was such a gross thing to do that kids would roll on the floor in abject disgust upon hearing that a fellow kid wac|<ed off.

How big were video files back then and how long did they take to download? That's too bad.

[iPodGenious]

Don't think comcast had that remote back in 1994

[smsuphish]

and i dont remember them 'streaming'

but maybe im making that up

java based.. maybe...

more than likely you were waiting 5 minutes for a picture to open on your browser

[samu9922]

yeah it was all about pics not movies ... we are talking about 1994 there was windows 3.11 and 14.4 kb connection!

[sadie10]

ummmm,

the interface as seen at 0:04 is of windows xp (could be 98) but not 95 neither 3.11 which.

neither xp nor 98 were available in 1994.

the multimedia keyboard is also too modern for 1994 era

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is sadie 10 - Internet Video Inspector.

[reginaldbowlsiii]

HAHAHAHA!!

[bluebutdude1]

they had videos in 94?

[adryanv]

A horny deprived Zen master.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Wax on.

Wax off.

[adryanv]

Surfing internet porn in the heady days of 14.4 baud modems of the mid 90s is enough to force you to develop the patience of a zen master.

[calvinlotz]

Is that a Comcast remote under the cleanup kit @0:10 ?

Commodore On Demand...

[uDaOzzy]

Jesus fucking christ, you guys are really arguing politics on a video about Internet Porn? Fucking pathetic.

[munkyboy54]

this has gotta be one of the funniest things i have seen today. "beam me up scottie", metallica, and the "GOODBYE"

Pure Genius! XD!!

[AreaQNH870]

hahahhaa nothing else matters

[RadicalWhig]

I remember mid-1990s internet porn (28kb dial-up on a 486 computer) with a bitter fondness.

In the words of that guy from the "IT Crowd" - "Ah, you were up all night and you only saw eight women!"

[spunker88]

You os and keyboard look a little newer than 1994.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Come on Matlock, don't ruin it for the stoners who don't notice anything like that!

[KlaxonCow]

Actually, in a speech he gave to Google, Vint Cerf - one of the guys who came up with the TCP / IP protocols upon which the Internet rides - gave full credit to Al Gore as having been particularly instrumental in handling the political / legislative side of things to clear the path for his guys to come up with the tech of the Internet.

So, one of the guys who really did invent the Internet thinks everyone's not giving Al Gore the credit he's actually due in, yes, "inventing the Internet".

[KlaxonCow]

Gore just phrased it badly.

He should have said that he was instrumental in expediting the legislative and financial side of the invention of the Internet. (in terms of its key protocols).

But Mr.Gore is a plain speaking man and isn't quite that eloquent or verbose, so he just said "I invented the Internet" and unfairly become a laughing stock.

Because though that exact phrase is stupid, he does deserve some credit - without the right legislative backing, the tech guys couldn't have done it.

[tzone92]

Actually Gore said "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. "

So it's even closer to what you describe.

[KlaxonCow]

Yes, shortly after posting, I found a video with his exact words in it and what's popularly quoted isn't even what he actually said.

"I took the initiative in creating..." is not the same as "I invented..." and, in context, you can see that he specifically meant that he took the initiative in Congress to bring it about, not that he personally created the technology himself.

It was just misquoted and took out of context by those who wanted to make him look bad, so he'd lose the Presidency.

[Intrusion10]

And thank God he DID lose the Presidency!

[KlaxonCow]

Hmm, though I could quite understand if you didn't particularly want him to be President, are we somewhat forgetting that the only serious alternative to him was Bush?

Yeah, that worked out well, didn't it?

[KlaxonCow]

Though you might not agree with the policies, at least he actively pursued them and made things happen.

He did take the initiative in advocating the creation of the Internet. He does put himself out there to pursue his environmental passions and try to make things happen. He's won a Nobel Prize for his work.

While Bush just sat there during 9/11. He just sat there and flew over New Orleans. He just sat there as the banks ran up debts that have put the whole world into economic meltdown.

[KlaxonCow]

It doesn't particularly matter if the President does or doesn't ideologically agree with you, if he's just going to sit there and do nothing.

The only action he did actively take was pursuing war in Iraq - which backfired and unleashed a nightmare in the Middle East, killing thousands of American soldiers and tens of thousand - if not hundreds of thousands - of Iraqi civilians, who were the people we were supposed to be there to help as their "liberators".

What a disaster zone of a President.

[Intrusion10]

Nice rant.  Is Gore your butt buddy?

[KlaxonCow]

You've just resorted to what's called an "ad hominem" - insulting me personally, because you're unable to argue against the cold hard facts I've just delivered to your door.

That won't work on me. But nice try, nonetheless.

Address the argument and dispute what I've said or you're just showing to everyone that you can't do so, which is why you're resorting to insults.

Come back and dispute the facts I've given - or they stand unchallenged as facts and you're implicitly admitting it's right.

[Intrusion10]

That wasn't ad hominem. You seem to really love Gore so I asked a relevant question.

I can quite understand if you didn't particularly like Pres. Bush, but aren't you forgetting that the only serious alternative to him was Gore and Kerry?

[cakesyy]

I know, bush has left the US in such a great position, what a hero. Glad there are still right minded people like you and me, not fooled by the liberal media into think there is some sort of crisis around, or that we shouldn't have gone into Iraq, or the million other things that GW messed up.

[Intrusion10]

How did Bush mess up Iraq? We got Saddam and gained an ally in a region of the world that is already messed up. I'd call that a win.

[cakesyy]

You are a complete idiot. Saddam was out ally before we went in and decided to attack Iraq. Why don't you read a history book once in a while, rather than getting your info from fox. Now, iraq is as unstable as hell, we have made a lot more enemies over there, and it has cost us trillions to do so. Saddam didn't have any WMDs, which is why we went in their in the first place (oh, how you jokers like forgetting about that). So we have people like you, pretenting all is good. Moron.

[Intrusion10]

Idiot? Moron? Are you projecting?

Sounds like you need to read the history book:

Saddam hasn't been our ally since the Iraq-Iran war.

Google "Halabja poison gas attack"

If Saddam didn't have any WMDs, what was he charged with in trial? Fake charges? Dumbass.

[eaunan]

"Not the dude" THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!

[sblowes]

ASCII porn FTW

[macman237]

lol good one!

[ibphotos]

Pretty funny, but in 94' there was barely any "moving pictures" at all. hi-rez was 1000x1000 or less

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Me no understand computer. Sure you're right, but Internet Porn 1998 just didn't have the same ring to it.

[eqrunner]

agreed, it was waiting for picture to load on the screen one line at a time. and we are talking 640x480 pics

[fifiragdoll]

Yeah, if you were watching full-screen movies online in 1994 - with or without buffering - you must have worked for NASA or something.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

I am legally obligated to answer "no comment" to your statement. But I can say that you are a very observant doll.

[cjslut]

@ibphotos 1024x768 was crazy high resolution

[krisescloset]

he was playin some metallica nothing else matters,lol

[zeitgeisthero]

"Buffering", "No, no,come on " Those were the days.

"Thanx Al Gore"

[xXemolieswithinXx]

AOL <= fail. ...back in the day...Win.

goodbye.

[armyhellion13]

Thank you Al Gore! LMAO! He is such an ass. The Nazis actually had the idea of such a system that one could possibly call the internet.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

The Nazis also had the idea for Doritos, but they just weren't able successfully to develop the technology.

[Bradlee883]

funny. I gave it a 5'er.

good production. I like how you passed the time.

hey, if it weren't for internet porn, we probably wouldn't have the internet(s).

gawd, I remember dial-up porn. lol.

the bearded guy in the vid was HOT!!

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Thanks! And the bearded guy is a very popular adult film star in Austria, and in Antarctica for some reason - I guess they don't get out much.

[ThaNsaneOne]

LMFAO the famous "goodbye"

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

The worst word you could ever hear on the internet.

[DoogieHowserPhD]

lol where can I get that audio clip?

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Which clip??

[DoogieHowserPhD]

The "Goodbye". I can't seem to find it anywhere.

[laurencampos]

ha!

[TNG128MB]

I so remember this xD

[DeathnoteAmvMaster3]

lol i remmber dial up it was so slow u couldnt watch video but u can search for photo of tits that wat i use to do lol oh remmbers i was like 10 lol

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Ha! Photos of tits, that was what I asked Santa for every year!

[jklash2007]

Man, i was using Dial up just 2 years ago... lol it hasnt been that long lool.

[DeathnoteAmvMaster3]

lol that sad but yeh alot of people still use dial up today

[jklash2007]

I agree it was sad... but i use to go round friends houses to download music and use msn etc... but then i finaly persuaded the family to get broadband lol

[DeathnoteAmvMaster3]

lol im sure ur family not disappointed

[Anglynn74]

lol, there was no internet porn in 94. Not much of an internet either, but this was funny, ain't that the truth it took forever to log on. I can remember when you had to place a phone earpiece on a pad & that was how we literally logged on to Telenet, if anyone remembers that. Back in the stone age called the 80s. In 94 we had no idea what "e-mail" was.

[Tsunkuotaku]

mice didn't have scroll buttons in 94 :0

You were lucky if you had a 3 button mouse.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

That's not a scroll button. It's just a piece of licorice that got stuck to the mouse. This dude was kind of a slob.

[nta214]

Lmao! I remember this sort of thing from the late 90's, god it sucked back then. Nowadays it's like "oops" and there's a whole porn video playing right there in your face.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Hah, yeah, now it's almost impossible to NOT get porn. God bless high speed internet... and porn.

[chachodude]

I was still using dial-up in 2002 :(

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

So were we. And it sucked balls! Well, not literally, because we couldn't get a ball-sucking video to load.

[SamosIMP]

well I thought that was gonna be funny but it was kind of lame. I thought you were gonna go with the way how pictures would take forever to load. WHo was downloading porn VIDEOS in 1994 dude? It was more pcitures.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

You know who was downloading porn videos in 1994? This guy! He was way ahead of his time, of course. Think of him as Matthew Broderick in WarGames, but with a better soundtrack.

[DarkestFreedom01]

lol

[f8735]

nothing else matters at 0:39.. nice touch!

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Thanks! That was all our actor JM Scholl, just getting into character - time traveling back to 94 baby!

[darklink1017]

I remember it took me like 12-13 hours to download high quality porn from KaZaa...

waiting that long for porn was much more of a reward then back then, you actually felt like you had to...work for it, so to speak <_<

not like that instant stuff today

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Hah! You have to earn your porn. Love it! You're like the dad who says he walked to school 4 miles in 2 feet of snow every day. Thanks for the comment, dad!

[ferrell0]

hmmmm....

That looks like XP, not Windows 3.1

[scottyC408]

OMG!! I was 8 back then though lol... Not until 1997 =P

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Hah, you're lucky, my friend. You have no idea, the pain and suffering we endured. Blue balls is no joke.

[seho]

ha ha .. even 1998 was hard... f u AOL ~!

[turbox64]

WIN WIN WIN

[Dryndal]

aaaaa.... These oldschool modem-sounds :p

"Enough with the dude" :D LMAO :D

[brkjbeen]

look at that dude's face

[SeriphanKnight]

LOL I havnt seen this video since it came out about a year ago and I decided to see it again now.. And I just realized that, when your playing the Guitar your doing that solo from Metallica's Nothing else matters HAH!

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Good ear, my friend. Good ear. But don't tell anyone. We don't want Metallica to rock us with their hard core lawyers.

[ihatestupidsignups]

Cute, but no way you would have that big a monitor in 94!

[RadicalWhig]

Oh, how I miss the sweet sound of a dial-up connection.... ...although that sounds like a 56k modem, and I didn't get one that fast until 1998.  In 1994 I was on 28K!

[lmousel]

lol, whats the name of the song at the end?

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Well, we call it "Whack It" since we recorded it ourselves. But there's a song out there called "Whip It" that might have ripped us off if you're looking for another version.

[lmousel]

tah! i noticed it was a rendition of whip it, but you got a dl for the whack it song? i know a few people who could use it more than i. XD

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Hah, you think people would actually download this song? Drop it on their ipods and bump it all day?

[ikekll]

Tim Berners-Lee (M.I.T.), father of the World Wide Web

;)

[sacre9244]

Not true. Monkeys already had a jungle wide spiderweb up and running as early as 1987. Sure the system was far from perfect, as we can see, but the high demand of monkey(s) spanking made them pioneers in digital porn distribution.

[Jsd8675]

Yeah right it took an hour just to download a video in like 1997. You'd be lucky do download a picture in 1994.

Funny vid nonetheless.

[SelfmadeMonkeys]

Yeah, but 1994 fits better into a bad ass hair-metal rock song!

[Jsd8675]

Tis True

[AkoyPinoy2]

Classic. I remember my first computer came with a 9600 baud modem that I never got to use and Windows 3.11111111111. 4 mb of ram. That's a lot. And all these AOL on floppies.

He should change the screen to win3.1 because only Program Manager can minimize to the desktop and there is no Task Bar until the next year in August. Actually the download seems to be faster than what I can remember. I think you had to download the whole file before you can view it.

[Kaleikick]

lol !!

[wintypes]

not the dude! not the dude! xD

[cooljjrp3]

so very true man

[McNasty1337]

rofl

[Jungleskyline1984]

1994 is the best year in history.

[kdwormy]

lol!!

[Rebecca263]

OMG, I forgot that... the sound of dial up! It's been forever since I heard that sound!

[wonderwolfe]

I just wish it was still 1994 so I wouldn't have to come home to my boyfriend on internet porn anymore!

[withallmylove999]

its bill gates not al gore

[murtada87]

That was hillarious... i loved it

[OncentivesDotCom]

well done!

[HCelticPrincessness]

Very funny. Well done.

[DustyRecords]

nothing else matters by metallica

[jman02006]

omg so funny no not the dude oo no enough with the dude good bye

[Daeboljoe]

What song is that you are playing on the guitar?

[RJmilway]

lmfao!! The funniest part of the whole video is the porn guy's facial expressions, so fucking funny

[JuicyCoutureBabii92]

Hell yea!

hahaha.

freaking funny

[Tonysopr]

Make a sequel ;)

[mailme08401]

AOL is the best! (not really)

[mailme08401]

that was great

[corderoy17]

how did we ever live with dial-up? lol

[Purplestarflowerpot]

That was great... Cool! Well Done. lol.

[thegraduate1977]

well obviously i love it...

[edithell]

That's a little too close to home

[closer30]

AHH The good old days. Very funny