How Do I come out?

[Tactual]

"Over exaggerate" I can't stand when people say this

[AlexReinheart]

I'm only 16 and I have the same problem. My brother, who's 26, came out when he was 15. My dad hates it, and he denies it as much as he can. He's obviously against being gay, and he thinks it's a choice. If I were to come out, he'd think I was a completely different person. When I had my first girlfriend (a few years ago when I was still very confused) he told me, "I'm glad to see your straight unlike your brother because he's having a bad life." I don't know how to come out to him :/

[optimisticdude19]

Thank you for making me smile and help motivating me to come out! :)

[PetreWright]

The transision noise is a pokedex. Anyone else notice this?

[JEchristinaV]

i am stright ,but after i heard this story ,i knew how you hard on that.

cheer up ,Man! maybe it's hard thing especially when your brother is also gay.

you always think about how painful your parents.but you were born because you live your life.this is maybe heard little bit selfish to your parents but in your life,you are the most important one.

[lovegaga4ever98]

I've known I was gay since like 1st grade, now I'm 13 and I just came out a few weeks ago, not everybody knows yet, but, most people already guessed it. I'm gay and finally happy, for those of you who r not out, come out, it's definitely NOT healthy mentally to not be yourself, love yourself, hopefully those in your life will understand, but if they don't, then it's their loss, being out is great! I love being gay and I love the gay community, and all of you! Good luck!

[thegayteen]

Well I would like to say that your videos have given me so much hope and helped me get my priorities straight and things into perspective, your points of view are so spot on with how I feel, you are a superb speaker and I admire your ability to ignore hate...this is basically a BIG thank you for posting videos and serving as an awesome role model (:

[marcfuncky]

Its really not that easy. My brother came out and my parents were like okay........ but we still have another boy who shall be '' normal ''. (eeeeeeeh not)

they were thinking like ::::: a lighting stroke never hit two times at the same place......

[doughboy6390]

That is a we rid situation

[renerdrat]

yeah I use to live for what other people thought of me... But now I live for making me happy and not what others are thinking about me.

[nemesis1252]

Just wanted to say that I came out to my parents today and your videos were some of the many that gave me the courage to do what had to be done. I will be forever thankful to people like you who have shown me a light in the dark places. Gracias:)

[drsmerfethnos]

Thank you so much on the advise. " when I come out... I got to do this for me"

[dutico]

If I was to come out, I would prolly be thrown out. But it's getting so hard to keep these feelings hidden. I'm like totally stressed, and I feel like it's starting to have a negative impact on my health. I'm definitely not living like you should.

[Osuitea]

please do not come out. You too cute to do that. what a disapoinment if you were. What can a girl do with someone girlier than she is?

[walterandsnot]

I'm only 11 and I'm bi, but my big problems are that I have only come out to my friends and one is being a prick about it and my mom who doesn't know is kind of a homophobic, and lastly some of my most trusted friends think Im just attention seeking

[dontmakemeMAD1990]

@walterandsnot well, youre pretty young you know

honestley when i was 14 i thought i was bisexual

now i think iam gay

ah 14 year....

i think i had to much hormones running trough my veins



[Osuitea]

@walterandsnot

Could you possibly think about something else besides wether you are bi. ? Your too young to know really what you are. you are too young to be sexually active.

[CaraAsoleada]

@Osuitea i love your point, but y'know...discovering your orientation doesn't automatically equal having sex. just putting that out there...

[CaraAsoleada]

@walterandsnot

well...um...hm. you're 11, for one thing. i didn't figure out i was a lesbian until last year, and i'm 16. all my life i was confused, though. i know you're a totally different person than i am and under different circumstances, but honestly...11 is when most people begin puberty. you still have to discover how your anatomy works before you go on telling everyone what your orientation is, because you don't exactly know yet.

[dalalshwan69]

Okay well ur vids are awesome & I 100% agree with everything u said . But u always say your not judgmental and all so what do u think of people that change thirty sex? like turn into another gender , becaus I am a girl & people might think I'm this girly girl who is having the best life , but I think I'm confuded because I don't feel that it's right in a girl .. Maybe cuz society is more strict on girls . Idk but I cry alot wishing I was a guy , & the thing is if I waa a guy I'd be gay cuz cha

[damnkoala]

My mom wouldn't believe me when I told her. Said i just hadn't found the right girl yet. 

[BigBlackAlex808]

i live in hawaii a very closed minded place but i grew up in san francisco (im not gay) but i am EXTREMELY cool with homosexuals. ppl assume im gay because when ppl talk about how dumb gay marriage and i get upset because of how intolerant rude and just mean they are to other human beings so the automatically assume im gay which makes me very upset! Yes, i get along better with girls then i do with guys, yes i care about how i look, and yes i am tolerant with ALL sorts of ppl... ppl are dumb!

[codeythesilent]

I came out to my friends forst, which went really well. Then I came out to my little sister, and had her spread the news since I live in a different town. My mom was the only one who had a problem with it, but she got over it and she's fine with it now :)

[motorez1]

I'm happy again since the day I was 9, your vids man...

[Valcuric]

Great advice.

The thing I hate the most about the whole coming out thing is sometimes the people you tell freak out about it more than you do. When in reality it shouldn't really affect them at all. I wish people would understand that.

[blainebill39]

@Couver87

Coming out is never easy, some socioligists and people in the psychiatric

field have theorized that queer(LGBT) people come out on a daily basis! When I was

a boy, not quite 18, I met, dated and fell in love with a boy named Bobby Griffith

(Prayers for Bobby).

[minusmn]

please, type: "Gosia & Ewa in the air" and vote baby vote

[froggyrob]

you look hot and i am 100% gay, i told all of my friends and majority of my co-workers but i am in the process of telling my parents. i know that they will accept me for who i am but i am waiting for the right time to tell them. and i also know that they will always love me for who i am. and i have a back up plan in case if something goes wrong with my coming out process with my parents.

[APPELHOUSE01]

Im just 14 years old. And I know that my father won't accept me being gay because he think gay people are bad and wrong. He thinks that it's disgusting, and he says it in my face. I don't think I will ever come out :P.

[jekal5M]

@APPELHOUSE01 psh i give it five years. T.T or now they are your family and HAVE to deal with you not like they can go to a different continent and forget all about their child..... yea....; He could just kick you out >.< nvm that last one! :o do it when your ready and comfortable and filled with emotional fustrastion at your father. Then you can blame it on him.... nvm mind that one Do it when your ready D:! but try with your friends first then your parents, that way you'll have some1 2 talk 2.

[APPELHOUSE01]

@jekal5M sometimes my friends tell me that I can act really gay sometimes and all I want to say is that's because I AM gay. But I don't do that off course.. would be weird. but dont get me wrong about my father he is a really great father. HE does whatever he can do for his wife and childeren. But when it come's to homoseksual people he gets disgusted and I know that he's gonna accept it but he can also kick me out. But I don't really see him kicking me out.. it's confusing.

[jekal5M]

@APPELHOUSE01 it wouldnt be weird it'd be weird if they did stuff to you.... >.< don't ask for examples of wat weird stuff they can do to you( you got an imagination). anyway your dad( who i don't know) :D looks like a great guy (from your writing) and i'm sure he'll dwindle... or if you have a sister treat you just like her when she's around boys... T.T (tryin to not type offensively) He might not support you with your orientation but he won't really neglect you. He can't hate his son, right?

[APPELHOUSE01]

@jekal5M I hope he won't.. anyway. Today my friends were still telling me that im gay and that I don't have to ignore it. They see they can see it the way I act? But yeah.. I said I know.. I know. But they were just joking.. but when I say No im not, they're like yes you are. It's funny because I kept saying Yes, I know. I AM. But they didn't believed me.

[jekal5M]

@APPELHOUSE01 XD! I love that when they don't take me seriously. Then the reaction is more funny. Who do you talk to then? o.o if your friends don't know your dad don't know does your mom know or your sister?

[APPELHOUSE01]

@jekal5M my cousin is the only person who knows it. Look, I live in the netherlands.. and I don't know anyone who came out the closet, but I do know scared gay people who don't even try to come out. But I will, Im not gonna marry a woman because Im scared about what other people will think about me. But not yet xd. Im just 14.

[LIAMnat10]

nice advice what's the name of your blog?

[youcreek]

I'm pretty sure that this is the hottest gay guy I've ever seen. So cute!

[daleedinosawr]

@youcreek 100% agreed :3 x

[boonkiat7575]

you look gorgeous with a thin layer of moustache and beard.. :D

[eeli1]

This is beautiful advice, I love what you said here. Even though I ended up homeless last summer and lost most of my friends and family, those who still talk to me never acknowledge my gayness. However, I'm still glad because it has brought me the most overwhelming feeling of happiness with myself. I'm so glad I'm living an honest life, and even though there's pain and loneliness it was still worth it. :)

[LyraDragon]

@eeli1 I'm sorry for what you have been through, and even though you lost friends and family, you still have people around the world (gay and straight) that respect you for what you did. I think it's extremely brave to come out, knowing that something like this might happen. I wish you the best of luck and lots of happiness!

[DreamsofCentaurs]

your not like the lisping flouncing gay men, your comfortable with the fact your gay without trying to be female I admire you my brother cant come out cuz our mom would really and truly kill him I mean it no joking

[YadahYahweh]

great vid

[gedking8871]

great advice

[Zetenai]

GREAT advice! I completely agree. Coming out, while being difficult for your friends and family to handle, is infinitely harder for YOU to handle! It's not about your friends, it's not about your family, or your dog, or your neighbor, Susie. It's all about you. Coming to terms with yourself, being honest, being yourself, being unashamed. And no one should be able to take that away from you!

[thebbeenn]

The person who asks is worried about gay stereotypes, and that people will judge him according to those stereotypes. When you come out (ex. to family and friends) - make sure you address these worries head-on. State clearly your OWN like and dislikes about the gay community and let them know where YOU stand. Then you've at least increased the possibility of them seeing you for the person you are, instead of their own prejudice.

[martin09451]

ONE OF MY EX FRIENDS IS GAY AND HIS BROTHER IS GAY....WEIRD.....

[Atlavocat]

@martin09451 - Not all that weird. Homosexuality does run in families, if you have one Gay family member you probably (but not always) will have several others. I had a great uncle (on my father's side) who was Gay, but he's the only one I know of (sadly) besides myself.

[janecool69]

i just wanted to say that i not alway out but i have come out to some ofmy close friends and one of my close friends told me that i going to hell .anyway you help laugh and i understand who i am

[iPhone2396]

@janecool69 If they are gonna judge you and say that you are going to hell then they probably were not true frends in the first place. Your not going to hell. If your are comfortable with yourself and you feel that your not going to hell then don't believe what your "friends" are saying. I honestly hope this helped.

[janecool69]

@iPhone2396 thank you for helping me. i loseone other friend but i am leanring who your really friends are. I am still trying to get ok with myself . I hard to do

[MrHOTPEPSI]

u dont seem gay at all no offence

[Kelzek93]

@MrHOTPEPSI Not all gays are pussy femboys, also known as flammers.

[Atlavocat]

@Kelzek93 - Very true. Straights only recognize LGBTQ people who are most outlandish and we are often stereotyped by the extremes. I have always noted for years that Atlanta's Gay Pride parade usually has over 300,000 people each year - making it the largest parade the city hosts. It includes all kinds from the Stonewall Bar members (like me) to the "Digging Dykes of Decatur" - but on the local news you only see a few drag queens and leathermen.

[TainDK]

just start "not living a lie"... apparently ur bro did it his way do it ur way...

Take it easy just live ur gay life, dont hide bot also no realy need to tell, what i meen is just stop the lies

if ur going on a date tell with whom if they ask, or if ur so under his spell that u really wanna talk about the love u feel for him (or her in case ur a woman) take it as easy as if u where out and ur parents already accepted u. they properly will if u keep being u with a stench of "more happy" =D

[72ve17]

nice wide mouth probably you deep throat the largest fattest cock - your cute though

[thanatosnoir]

Excellent advise John. I would recommend anyone who can to watch the movie "THE BIG GAY MUSICAL" I finally got to see it. It helps! The best part is the last song. Here is a link to it! Listen to the words and they say it all!:

search on: "The Big Gay Musical - As I Am"

[blarf001]

How did you achieve such wisdom at such a young age? :-)

[vegscreamer]

I came out to my parents about 3 days ago. They've told me that I can no longer see two of my best friends, because they're gay. My cousin is gay and he's a very promiscuous person. I, on the other hand, am more respectful of myself than he is. I really don't know what to do. My parents are also determined that I need to seek counseling because they view my homosexuality as a 'condition'. Dunno if you read your comments, but some advice would be really really appreciated.

[JudiciousJermaine]

Aaw, you used the Sugababes Change insturmental. Good taste, one of our best bands.

[circus7marionette]

@strangegirl1316 that's what i did. telling friends first is a really smart idea. also, don't count your brother out because you might need that little push. I know you might want to take it slow but you know you have to do it eventually and the more you drag it out, the more oversized it will be. this should just be a part of your life, not a fear. you need to make sure you have somewhere to go after you tell your parents just in case they aren't supportive.

[lsbpt89]

Is that a sublime poster? I LOVE them!! Have every CD!! Great taste hahaha

[1989Guardian]

I'm planning it to tell it to my middle sister because she is the easiest to begin with.

I don't know when i''m going it to tell her. But when i'm alone with her i'm gonna take that chance and say it!

You gotta start somewere

[circus7marionette]

@1989Guardian that's a really smart idea. having a sibling to help you tell your parents is a HUGE help.

[RunPheidippides]

Wow, this vlog hits me hard. I'm 49 and "coming out" publicly for the first time -- and this affects my wife and sons. I'm struggliing to balance authenticity...the "beautiful thing" you mention, a life of integrity to my own identity (at long last)...with responsibility, the impact of this decision on people who depend on me. I find this to be a devastating choice. Thanks for sharing. . . I'll further explore your other vlogs.

[crossroad0ranger]

see ok im scared to come out because 1. im young 2. i just moved to where i am now so i barley have friends 3. my brother would feel weird about it because he has given me advice on how to get a girl friend and sex and stuf like alot 4. ill be the first in my family 5. the only one in my grade 6. ive had a very horable hard life

[circus7marionette]

@crossroad0ranger it does sound very hard. here's the best advice I've got for you, parents will often, not always, but often surprise you with how open they are. They'll love you no matter what. hinthint: the mom is usually easier to come out to than the dad.

[crossroad0ranger]

ya i figured that much especialy since i dont live with my dad but i do have a step dad. and ya i just recently found out this kid is gay at my school and people were teaseing him so bad i felt bad.

[ajjensen1993]

that is good advice, u have to think of wat will happen if u do come out and wat will happen if u don't, u do have to put ur self first. but ppl tend to think about others, their parents friends siblings instead. what i they cant accept it? what happens then? in this age not many ppl care about homosexuality but if they do they normally just need time to accept it. dont worry about being rejected cause u wont be forever giv ppl time and theyll com thru

xoxo ajjensen1993

[FeileCase]

I'm Out~ Here's 1 Thing though. One has to think of the things that might affect them directly if they come out and get rejected. Issues that should be thought though in some cases where young people have to find themselves another place to live due to "Coming OUt". It was "easy" for me, compairatively to other people to come out. Some people aren't so lucky. IN THE LAND OF THE FREE & THE HOME OF THE BRAVE IN 2009 (poop still exhists~~~ so Yes, Please THINK of yourself & your needs FIRST!

[MrJason300]

Great words :)

Right now I'm kind of confused.. I don't know if I'm coming out for me or for other people. I'm saying that I don't really care if I get hurt but I do and don't feel like I'm even making myself happy by coming out since I felt good when I first came out to my best friends. That was about 9 months ago and I only recently started telling people in school (highschool senior) and everyone's fine with it but I'm still confused and don't know if I should/need to stop or not...

[kry290]

I agree completely i was in the closet for four years. I had depression issues and lived for everyone else. Since i came out i have lived for myself and in a way that made me happy. I think that this video will be a good asset to gays all over looking for coming out advice! way to go!

[AndyDrewandGarcia]

i felt the same way too, putting myself last. I actually ended up with some Depression & Anxiety for awhile & it got bad. Coming out made my life so much easier, i've never known happiness like this in my life (Always have a positive Attitude!) =D

[cahenriq]

Woow..I really liked ur video =]

I am gonna look for moree...thank u for the help u give to a lot of guys who feels confuse and don't know what to do... =]

[SuperLink517]

subscribed :3

[takearisk2]

yea i have the same problem, me and my twin are both gay, although i plan on coming out first to break the ice a bit for him, test the waters with my catholic parents if you will.

[xxxxseannyyxxxx]

Thanks for posting this video you basically made me see things in a different light i get reli down sometimes because im out out not my mum and i know my life wud be so easier if i did, theres been so many times ive wanted to come out to my mum but allways backed down, i know she has a feeling about it but i dunno but me and my mum are close so i shud tell her reli..but after this video i am deffo gonna do it..i need to do it for me and not because of what people may think. x

[itsgoodtobegay]

great video!

[SYAFF3]

u can be tyra banks but a male version......luv u

[myBIchannel]

i hate it when people his age 20 and up isnt out i came fully out when i was 13 i spent my 14 birthday in the hosptial my dad tried to beat the bi out of me . then people that age says it different because your bi i just hate it and i cant stand it

[Curtisisatiger]

awesome poster!!! I LOVE SUBLIME!

[austenwack]

Try to empathize with the 18-25 year olds who are just coming out... They probably don't have as safe as an environment as you did/do. Most likely... But I know nothing about you. Haha, also recognize that in hiding urself, u allow for (I'm probably going to get bashed for this) in a sense, deeper exploration of who you are because you identify what makes you you, and then cover it up, when most people don't get the chance to identify that. So, it not coming out, u figure stuff out about urself.

[kalacs32]

@austenwack Actually coming out itself is a great way of exploration of self too, because you get to know hella lot about how different people who have known you at different depths had thought about you. And that tells a lot about the difference between how you think you were acting and what could actually be seen, lol.

[austenwack]

@kalacs32 Yeah I agree with that also. Life is just an exploration in general that teaches you as much as you will let it along the way. At least in my opinion. I just always felt like keeping, "myself" to "myself" really helped me figure a lot of my own morals and beliefs when I was about 16 that are still true to this day now that I'm 19. :) So who knows! But yeah... I do agree with you, it goes both ways.

[kalacs32]

@austenwack I'm a rather religious guy also at the age of 18, and a total weirdo to boot :D, so yeaah, I can see and feel for that very personal figuring-out-about-yourself-an­d-your-morals era there.

[ThisUsernameIsMineXD]

My sister got out of the closet a couple of years ago and she now lives together with her girlfriend. My parents are happy about it, but it doesn't make it any easier for me. I know you'd think it should be easier, but somehow it only looks hader for me. idk. :S

[HiLoIimAdam]

i came out to my mom today she was really awesome about it =]

[TrinneLovesAll13]

@HiLoIimAdam Good for you! (:

I plan to tell my parents tonight. And even though I don't think they'll have a problem with it because they were always really open and cool with stuff like that, I'm scared shitless. I'm so freaking nervous.

Because 'what if'?

I hope it'll go alright /:

[ForeverLost108]

The first person I came out to was my mother and after I said it I actually almost had a panic attack, cause I started thinking about all the other people I needed to tell and once you said it: You cant get back, its out there.

In the beginning it was difficult, didnt knew how to act, but eventually everything goes back the way it was, with one huge difference. For the first time in my life I could be 100% myself and that felt so good.

[Cr0spy]

My sister came out several year before I did and it is much more difficult.

[1989Guardian]

I'm also still in the ''closet''. And for the time being i also won't tell my mom(my dad is not in the picure) or my sisters. I think i would tell them that i'm gay when i move out. Because even though they are not against gay's. But there still making the gay jokes. Hypocrtical i know. Atleast i can tell everything to my best friend(also gay) So i still can talk about our ''íssues''.

[tristanos22]

that's a good advice

[emoboisrule]

damn... i just rememberd, my dad still dosent know, owell he is arabian so il let him be in his arogens, lets hope someone kills him... but i wont

[schiribiros]

Hey John, thanks for your videos :) they're all very interesting.

Hope i'll be able to change my life too ^^ and soon.

[RobbieGDelirium]

Im so happy this issue was discussed. I havnt come out to my parents yet so thanks John for making it somewhat easier.

[heinz57V]

Maybe he should talk to his brother and explain that they have a lot in common but you are your own person and want him to not make this more difficult for him by antagonizing their parents. I'm slightly jealous a gay sibling would be fun someone who really knew how I felt and was raised the same way I was to help me navigate these emotions.

[GiimmeM0RE]

just had to say, your videos are BRILLIANT, im glad i found you & subscribed : )

[sleekcartim]

good job john, i liked that u addressed the "not thinking of me" thing. My bro is gay, he is out, my parents seem fine with it. i never came out to the fam due to the times (70's), & abusive father, so i didnt care if they knew or not. often times older guys have bad experiences coming out... better world is coming everyday, so take more chances. peace

[Couver87]

slee, Sorry you had an abusive father...that sucks. Thanks for commenting hopefully marvin reads this!

[newtonlih1985]

awesome point. I like it alot.

[ealymc]

Another valuable response from Guru Couver87!

It really can be difficult, and though my parents have accepted it, they definitely don't approve and it hasn't been discussed since that converation... i was told that I am not to bring "that life" into their home and then basically it hasn't been brought up again. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess... I'm fine with the it until I have someone that I want to bring home, then we will reopen that can... until then, no unnecessary drama over here

[alexlife21]

Self love is the most important kind of love. How can others accept and love you if you can not accept and love yourself. Marvin20045, I would recommend talking with your brother and communicate to him the difficulties his actions are causing. Hopefully he will change. Also if you come out and show to your parents that not all gays act like your brother, then maybe you can be the person to change their thoughts on homosexuality. Best of luck!

[ash23au]

Another great vid. Love watching your views on things. You're practically a guru now! LOL! My advice to all these viewers would be not to do anything that you don't feel comfortable with as only you know when the time is right. I suppose you just need to weigh up the situation. I guess most parents are afraid for their children more so than disappointed with their orientation. But that naivety stems from a lack of understanding. Try to communicate more effectively and be honest and open.

[americancarguy]

Very good advice! I know that when I came out that it was for me (not for others)

Mom was/ is great with it, she was never really fazed at all. Its great our relationship got all that much closer

Dad on the other hand did not take it as well, and still (3years latter) denies it. and avoids anything that would indicate it. Unfortunately that makes life kinda awkward.

But in the end I don't regret it at all!

[maxgiosus82]

You´re always cute!

[sexsomnia20]

yea i only have comeout to my dad because he lives else where because my parents are diviorced and i just told him why i was visiting and basically it all went down hill from there he hi me with a bible calling me a wuss and an abonation to society and through me out of his house so i just exchanged my flight for one hat night and left and we havent spoken since and that was 2 years ago and after that i dont even know how to tell my mom and family but this vid gave me some confidence to try.

[AnimaDraconis]

Although my friends knew years I came out to my parent's last autumn and I was already 23 years old. And when I did all hell broke out. My mother just went crazy. Calling me bitch, telling me that I'm not a man and shouts right into my face that "Penis goes into vagina!" plus tons and tons of bible verses. Even to day my parent's have not accepted me being gay.

Still the funny thing is that I don't regret at all that I came out .

[Couver87]

Thats amazing. Thanks for putting this up. I am so sorry for you. You can share my parents with me, they will accept you. your comment made me upset, untill i read the last sentence. Good for you.

[AnimaDraconis]

Haha Don't be upset or sorry :) I'm not. That's just the way my mother reacts to all new things. She dramatizes everything out of proportions. Actually her reaction is more amusing rather than something to be upset about in my opinion.

I'm still a friend of hers, thought. Have always been. I just have tried to be out of the line of fire when she wants to tell me her thoughts about homosexuality.

[Jfestae]

Nice advice!

[dben110]

excellent. im pretty much in the same situation as Marvin and you actually helped me out too.

[Neko711anbu]

my twin brother stepped out 2 years b4 i did ...and it wasnt much easier for him actually it was harder for me because its like "my parents failed twice" u know wut i mean?