Added: 2 years ago
From: BlackBirdNL
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  • Casino is like a video arcade for adults, you put money in have a game and hopefully dont get killed on the first level.

  • There is a second game one can win at in a casino via skill: Poker. While one must rely upon luck for the cards themselves, the skill comes into play both by folding early, minimizing losses, and/or by bluffing one's opponents.

    Better yet, the casinos won't throw you out for being a good poker player....

  • @darkridr25 Except that the dealer's cut still means a loss of money from the table, so you're better off just playing poker online (somewhere that takes a smaller cut) or tournament funded some other way.

  • @CheshireSwift Well, even the online poker tables take a rake just as casino poker tables do, so really the only advantage of playing online is that there's no custom of tipping a dealer when you play online.

    Personally I've never begrudged either the tip or the rake though. I mean, really? $3 taken out of more than a $100 pot? *shrugs*

  • Somebody's been watching Heroes...

  • I would bloody love a Bernards watch to stop time...

    Though i have watched The Twilight Zone, and the fella dropped the watch, when he was leaving the bank with the trolley full of money!

    So, I don't think I really would like a watch, unless i had a backup watch in a location i knew the location of...

    I would love that!

  • The only way to win at a casino is to OWN the casino...

  • Who wouldn't fiddle with people?

  • Just a warning, if the video of 'Atheism destroyed with one question. by onthe3dge95 is in the margin, I recomend you don't bother watching it. You'll only end up losing a bit of faith in humanity and that guy will cream himself for getting views.

  • Phil Jupitus Is The Most Un-Funny Person On The Planet, Fuck Off Phil.

  • @StoneMadCrew

    He's funnier than Jo Brand is.

  • @Qw3rtypop I have slippers funnier than Jo Brand

  • @StoneMadCrew

    My point precisely.

  • @StoneMadCrew so true. i dont know why people love him. he's shit on buzzcocks, and he's shit on QI. He just shouts random words and passes it off as comedy

  • @ruideng111 hey i bought a phil jupitus dvd for a pound and took it back... just unfunny waffle......i to am bewildered who puts him on tv....he couldn't make a hyena laugh

  • @MegaNavek I sometimes watch him and think that if it's this easy for someone to be a successful comedian and make a shit ton of money, I should be a comedian. I honestly reckon I could do a better job than this unfunny wanker. He's only slightly better than Lenny Henry.

  • @ruideng111.... well said......i thought i was turning into mr misery......and your comment made me smile,have a go......i'd like to add smug,fat twat to unfunny wanker....has anyone actually paid to see him...

  • Sean does have a point. If you could stop time, you would put the ball on your number and keep winning. Otherwise, if it was robbed, and you mysteriously had a lot of money without gambling, they would know it was you. If you keep cheating, they just go, bloody hell he's really good at roulette, here's your winnings. Though they might ask you to stop after a while to stop them going bankrupt...

  • How to win money at a casino. Own the casino.

  • "magnets"... AWKWARD

  • 2:42 The way Stephen slaps the desk with disgust is just the cutest thing!

  • Only way to win at a casino is to be Henry Sugar

  • Sean is right. At least that's what i use my time controll powers for...

  • Let's be honest, Sean is right: we'd probably fiddle with people.

  • Go to a Casino in Phoenix? That's in Arizona where gambling is illegal.

  • @517634

    We have casinos in Arizona. Gila River Casino, for example.

  • Funny how martingale isn't mentioned in the video. Most obvious way of safely winning at a casino in theory.

  • @isak771 You call an exponential stake function "safe"? And wouldn't the casino kick you out once they noticed? It's their money.

    The way to win *at* a casino is to play poker extremely well, preferably against people who are just there for pricey fun, since the casino has no interest in you losing. But Stephen asked how to win money *from* a casino.

  • @johnsgamestation 21 was based on that very true story

  • Screen ratio isn't screwed up. Sean is.

  • The only way to make money is a Casino is to own equity in it.

  • Fiddle with people

  • The only way to win at a casino is not to go into a casino.

  • @chrisose or to own the casino

  • @chrisose The flaw in your plan is that then you wouldn't be AT a casino, so you wouldn't be winning at a casino

  • @Mindhawk it's metaphorically speaking, dickhead. Just stop being jealous that he's got thumbs up, and get a life...

  • @chrisose The only to win at a casino is to own a casino

  • @chrisose

    No the only way to win in a casino is to own equity in it.

  • @chrisose or to own it 

  • @chrisose or sell your soul to the Devil in return for a favour haha

  • @chrisose The way to win is to buy a casino.

  • @chrisose

    or to own the casino

  • @chrisose It's to put shares into the casino, always win.

  • sean lock, saying what we were all thinking

  • hahahaha amazing! love how he mocked the counting.. the fat one, srry dont know his name :$, is absolutely HILARIOUS.. he kills me every single time.

  • @wubs23 He is Phil Jupitus also to be seen on another show enitled Never mind the Buzzcocks

  • I used to love Bernard's Watch! Ah the good ol' days :P

  • absolutely love the start, "Magnets"..... awkward silence coz it was a shit joke go kill yourself aarrrgghh

  • all but two people who like this video also think about molesting people....

  • Ah, was this in the 80s/90s? Or is this a recent show?

  • @TengenToppaDrill The show continues. It started in 2003.

  • @CruelSculpture I wasn't talking about QI, I was asking about that "Bernard's Watch" that people seemed to be mentioning.

    I regularly watch QI. Not your mistake though, my questions were vague.

  • Sean have you ever watched Bernard's Watch by any chance?

  • Sir Richard Branson tried to beat roulette when he was younger. He bet on the near 50/50 result of black or red. But every time he gambled he doubled his stake from the previous bet, trying to ensure that his losses we're always covered by the next win. It didn't quite go to plan.

  • i would definatly fiddle with people. :D

  • Dang... Liza's magnets joke went down like a weighted corpse.

  • fking magnets, how do they work?

  • I remember reading of a roulette strategy, namely betting on the black/red tile, starting with very little, then doubling the sum until you win. Rinse and repeat. Only works if you already have quite a bit of money though...

  • @Solensherre

    No, it doesn't, it only works if you have an infinite amount of money on a table with an infinite bet limit.

    I remember what my math teacher said, regarding the roulette table: "The game has no memory, it doesn't matter if its the 50th turn or the 100,000th turn, its still 50/50 odds"

  • @Lollocide I agree, but the odds of having a procession of 100 000 that go against you in a 50/50 situation is 2^100000. So yes, for 100% certainty of positive result this does not work. It is not a sure method. Nor is counting card, it's just a statistical knowledge. In this way the roulette game method should have over 90% success rate very soon, assuming you stop and restart as soon as you win.

  • @Solensherre Yeah I worked out that system on a roulette machine at a local pub that would print out a receipt of your winnings. By the time I'd figured it out the system they got rid of the machine though. Turns out some jokers were printing out their own receipts at home to alter as they liked and cash them in at the bar...

    I'd love to try the system. The laws of averages make it foolproof in my own mind.

  • 'How can you win money from a casino?'

    have a casino

  • haha i imagined stopping time so many times for soo many reasons :D

    

  • It's not even possible to card count anymore at some casinos.

    The one I used to work at used electric shufflers on the BJ tables that would shuffle the cards after each game so it was impossible to determine when the good cards would come. Plus it made my job a lot easier.

  • @fullmetalchaz did youmean after each hand because even with shuffling the deck/ decks after each game its still posible. this is because the game has memory all you need to know it the hi low system and use basic strategy on what to bet and you will be able to keep an idea of what card values should be coming out based on what have been delt thats not to say you wont be caught out short of them shuffling after every hand there isnt much the can do bar remove active couters

  • @fullmetalchaz and its not like card counting is an exact sciance you might ge cards close to what you want but there is no garente just an advantage from knowing what left in the deck bassed of what has came out

  • 'How can you win money from a casino?'

    'Magnets.'

    Professional troll right here gentlemen

  • "Seven, Five, A Jack, Bust!"

    haha, get's me every time! ;D

  • There was that dude who realised that one roulette table was slightly flawed and made a fortune, surprised they didn't mention him.

  • @tgwnn 80K i heard

  • Actually the only shure way to win mkoney from a casino is perfectly legal and it nver fails. It's called - being owner of the casino.

  • They did that on Heroes :)

  • Points to Sean for making bloody Stephen Fry cringe in his seat.

  • Avoid the automatic air pressure roulette,and the digital roulette machines . You can never win on them. These are the easiest for the casino to cheat on you.And they do.

  • "You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it" - Albert Einstein

  • I know the answer to really cheat on roulette bet on even numbers and black.

  • @livedandletdie your chance of winning then is always slightlt less then 1/2 (because of the zero) but you'll only win twice the money you betted if you were right.

    So you still have the odds against you.

  • Three Australians I think in america were winning on a roulette table and people gathered around and the ball exploded it has small electronics that guided the ball to where they wanted it, it only worked an eighth of the time but thats enough. The electronics overheated but the question was how did they get it on the table they said they switched it but some people said they asked if they could use it!!

  • Sooo how do you count in roulette? he never answered.

  • i would!

  • How the hell did Tarbuck get a laugh by responding to 'What was his name, Ben...?' with 'Nevis'. That's kindergarten level.

  • @MrBuch169169 It's a callback.

  • Poker is the one way you can win, if you're good enough... but you probably aren't. Depending on where you are (some hire shills, but that's illegal in a lot of jurisdictions, and it's often hard to attract "talent" for obvious reasons), it's the one game where the casino's cut is the same no matter who wins, so they've no incentive to stop you. Of course, that's IF you're a very good player, and cash games tend to attract fairly good players, again, for obvious reasons.

  • Just love Stephen's reaction to "You would, wouldn't you? You'd take all the money and you'd fiddle with people" XD

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  • 0:06 notice the deathly silence..

  • Anyone remember bernards watch? haha

  • @MrRobSandy I do remember that show, loved it. I remember one episode, he went shopping, stopped time while he was doing it, and then started time up again so he could pay for it! Why didnt he just leave and start time up again when he got home! bizzare

    

  • @pithie84 Bernard actually ended up dying of old age when he was 25, poor sod.

  • Why don't casinos hire croupiers who can count cards? Wouldn't that be a perfect solution to the problem?

  • Does anyone else think Sean Lock and Phill Jupitus look like a before and after shot?

  • @Fangtorn Which is which?

  • @Fangtorn not at all, how have you had so many hits?? facepalm....

  • real funny clip but the screen ratio ruined it for me ha.

  • Sean's reasoning as to why it would be better to just place the ball rather than nick the money is the only time I've ever been able to tell what he's about to say. In a way, his imagination is still underrated.

  • i dislike phil jupitus nearly as much as devina mccall.

  • @welshdevondragon because he's fat irritating idiot imo. nearly everytime he seems to trying too heard to get the laughs compared to some who just get it naturally. but who knows whats what...

  • what episode is this from?

  • hahaha! the moment he said "stop time", i knew he was going to talk about molesting people!

    i've had that idea before!

  • @000steelandstone000 Same as! We all secretly know we would, some just don't say it out loud. :P

  • @Maidenrugby From Liza Tarbuck's reaction, you know she would! That's definitely a laugh of recognition. (Stephen comically pretends that he's never entertained such perverted ideas.)

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  • I just saw Sean Lock on Graham Norton's show where he said that he hates people who make comments online and twitter etc. He thinks we're all sad fuckers who should, '' Shut up for fiver minutes!''

    And apart from passing on his message via this one, I agree with him.

  • @000steelandstone000 I think everyon's had that thought :)

  • @000steelandstone000 I know I would...

  • @000steelandstone000

    If you had said this anywhere else but Youtube, someone would have called the cops!

  • @000steelandstone000 every man has had that idea since watching bernards watch

  • @jakehall331 I'm a man, I've had the same idea before... but I have no idea what the hell this Bernard's Watch is...

  • @TengenToppaDrill its a kids tv show aimed at young children about a boy who has a watch that can stop time.

    wiki Bernard's_Watch

  • @000steelandstone000 dont feel bad; we would all do that. every single man alive would.

  • @wubs23 agreed.. same thing for being invisable.. you just know you'd do something rather.....bad.. ^^

  • @BigMisterApple haha yes. totally. with great power comes great pervertedness.

  • I would.

  • Get out cancer.

  • @BelfastAtheist what? freak

  • @qwertyuiopdan1

    It's a 4chan thing, fuck you.

  • @BelfastAtheist boom, dont accuse people of being cancer when you are the cancerous fucking leech yourself. scum. fuck i wish there would be a second irish potato famine, or at least the protestants and catholics would kill eachother again both these things were an excellent version of "natural selection" as the stupid fucking inbred irish people died out and mankind could advance. faggot.

  • @qwertyuiopdan1

    What about Robert Boyle? He is widely regarded as the worlds first chemist. George Johnstone Stoney introduced the concept of the electron. Some people call Robert Mallet the founder of Seismology. Louis Brennan invented the guided missile. John Joly invented radiotherapy which helps treat millions of cancer patients today. All these people were Irish..but technically speaking, as my Username hints toward, I'm British.

  • @qwertyuiopdan1

    Clearly you have anger managment issues and are in desperate need of a front lobe lobotomy with some free chemical castration.

    I'm half Italian and half Irish..but if the Irish did die out, hundreds of millions of cancer patients would be dying painfully without ontological treatment.

    Also, Italians invented Banks, nuclear reactors, decompression chambers, radio, thermometers and universities..

    You really would be surprised how much most countries have contributed, ignoramus

  • @BelfastAtheist the entire population of any country on earth could be wiped out and i would not shed a tear i would cry for laughing. though ireland is one of the worse ones.

  • @qwertyuiopdan1

    I've been to Saudi Arabia, Greece, North America, South America, Spain, Wales, England, Scotland, China, Rosta Rica, Egypt, France and Italy..

    What makes Ireland so much worse than any of these candidates you've never been to?

  • @rijkoez QI. Its on bbc 1

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