The New Commandments

[paraplegicgiraffe]

snake cakes.

[TheDrewManXD]

i will become a pastor for a church and read out of this bible

[glitteraddict44]

Lotto 649 xD

[TheHaloop]

Where did you get that bible from???

[emailtheoldies]

@ 5:51 DarkMatter2525 that's not god, that's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.

[umidontno040394]

snack was spelled wrong. it was snake.

[hostyle0]

AND ITS RIGHT HERE! THE HOLY FUCKIN BIBLE! lolz

[MarinellaCA]

@darkmatter2525 how in the hell did you make that bible (or whatever the explanation is for these commandments)?? I MUST KNOW

[NirajaLK]

Oh my! Oh my! On my knees and laughing ma butt out!!!!

[debenni]

I'm on my knees, I'm on my knees!

[Wordoffakes]

Dude I miss your videos bro

[Zeddna]

Yeah, especially the first few.

Except DAMN!! Once again they are written by a man, so we get nothing.

[iiTzBenJi]

You. Fucking. LEGEND!!!

[LilScar727]

i hope im not the only one looking this up in the real bible to see if its true

[Amoratie]

this is brilliant :L

[zepfan74]

we should confiscate all the bibles of christians while they sleep and replace them with that!!

[RedZeshinX]

PRAISE BE HALLELUJAH! I didst search Youtubia and LO in piety did find the skyward finger, and when it with my cursor did meet, the Lord spoke the divine WORD and made my cursor a skyward finger too, and it was good, and it was a SIGN. And with both fingers touching I didst click, and praise be to JEBUS the prophecy was fulfilled, when words fell from the LAMB in blessed "Thanks!" and divine light didst reveal more "moving images and sound" from the keeper DarkMatter2525. AMEN. XD

[KeshnerfFilms]

10/10 you big troll

[getblunted4life]

Youtube blows because I can't like this in bulk :(

[getblunted4life]

That would be legit as hell lawl :P

[KiraNirvanna]

*facepalm* ♥

[Rind0Man]

I would so carry a troll bible around....to serious get some believers in a ball of mind fuck.

[Tyr5530]

Who wrote that? How did you get that in print?

[vivalakakarot]

haha it says snake cakes

[483091]

i'm still just going to assume taht this is still a satire cause youtube doesn't have stars anymore.

[rick92rr]

lol

[v2099]

fap!fap!fap!fap!fap!fap!fap!fa­p!

enuf said

[aponteandcruz]

so... :D did any one really follow the four commandment, lol

[IScH45I]

DAT BIBLE

[TheGermanItalianGuy2]

I want a custom bible!

[Ralt1c]

Im naw lawnger an atheist lolol xD. Great video!!

[MrsRabies]

Snake cakes

[Lamar933]

You have a nice house.

[warr520]

I love it. Great sense of humor. Keep up the good work

[doombybbr]

is this serious though?

[HimesInu]

@doombybbr Look at the category. It says "Comedy."

[PixelDeath9]

@doombybbr Of course it is.

[doombybbr]

5 stars is how youtube used to work

[VannahWilson]

Dude, where did you get this "Bible"?

And verse 6 says "snake cakes". -_-

[RugtimXII]

Dude, you only found this now?

We Christians have known about those verses for thousands of years!

Better late than never, though!

[phester061594452]

OMFG!!! Where can I get one of those Bibles???

[MelodiousDissonance]

oh ya well my heaven still has a beer spewing volcano and a stripper factory top that XD

May you find peace in His Noodly Appendage!

Ramen

[ImDiffrentSoWhat]

...I want that Bible. No seriously, I do. How the hell did he do that?

[chenellfox]

LMFAO!!!!

[kingcarcas1349]

Epic wallpaper!! I always thought DM as more of a hardwood floor kinda guy.

[toulouse666]

Pure genius.

I honestly don't remember the last time I laughed so much.. thank you infinite times\

[utfishman115]

Rofl. I say we all follow those commandments from now on. Everyone will be so much happier..

[doombybbr]

@utfishman115 and you do not even have to be absolutely sure it is true to

[dogfight156]

1:00 - 1:03 don't worry about it. we've all been there, religious and atheists alike.

[HonestTechnoAtheist]

Can anyone tell me what song starts at 2:40?

[fearproductions110]

So you need the money wired directly?

[9009Hayden]

You had me really scared for a moment.

[daryush55]

Hilarious! I need to get one of them spoof bibles ^_^

[ssijak]

Hahah, always make me laugh. All obay prophet 2525, hail to prophet!

[aijunk2]

You should of left a bookmark.

[VadimCAE]

I would read the bible more if it was like that

[fcpictures]

Moving stuff man

[happychick1973]

OMG DARKMaTTER2525 is the MESSIA!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

IT MUST BE TRUE everthing in the bible is true

[jamesaschafer1982]

I once was lost but now am found!...PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME¡

[preetor1]

The qur´an: the second biggest waste of trees ever!

[LordScrambles]

I FUCKING LOVE THE AVATAR TRAILER MUSIC! Perfect music choice.

Hmm... Wait a second, this video was posted right before the realease of that film. Excited to see it I take it?

[MrTheblackmessenger]

hahaah LFMAO u r a genius

[cronus6282]

LFMAO

[sesshoin1]

How did you make that!!~ I want it, how much you selling? :)

[mousaey]

how did you make the fake bible? I could use that for some serious trolling!

[Blueberry8557]

@mousaey word!

[lilrvrgrl69]

Ha! Awesome!

[AndrusPr8]

Now i feel the need to shake what my mama gave me!

[EDDlEMEDUZA]

Omg! Where did you get that?

[Percival917]

@EDDlEMEDUZA Try posting that again, but append @DarkMatter2525 to the beginning.

[EDDlEMEDUZA]

@Percival917 Omg I don't need to do that.

[419Films]

Wow, you were seriously bored this day, weren't you? XD

[every116]

Now those are commandments I can get behind.

[DepressedAnnnie]

How hard was it to slip that fake page in there and why did you acquire a southern accent as you proceeded?

[biggsleezy]

either, you attached a made up page to that bible or you made a book like that by yourself

[cadeere74]

Nice. That people get wired up about this is silly. Funny man.

[FalseProphet501]

I was like.... OMG I WAS WRONG I NEED TO REPENT, then i LMAOD!!!!!!

[Zerrattul]

Dude what the hell is that book ? I want one :)).

[dangdangBB]

omygosh ive seen this video but i didnt make the connection to the animated videos until now >.<

[zacthebold]

It's pretty obvious from this and your other videos that you are an ass man.

[WWJDBibleStudyTime]

everyone dont listen to him these arent the real ten comandments he is the devil and tryin to spread his evil through the use of youtube

[piekraft]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime lol

[starwarsfreakgeek]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime It's. Satire. Dumb ass.

[PopBogomil]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime We actually got it that they're not the real ones, but thanks anyway...

[siemka321]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime You are insane. He is an Atheist who was just joking around. Either you are trolling or you are completely stupid.

[WWJDBibleStudyTime]

@siemka321 i was joking look at my name and im watchin darkmatter videos lol

[siemka321]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime K, then i'm sorry because i didn't know.

[WWJDBibleStudyTime]

@siemka321 its cool n i understand why you would wanna fuck with a holy roller they seem to be all oever youtube

[hugodominguez9]

I actually took out my bible...

[Scarecrow2386]

@hugodominguez9 Copy the top comment much?

[hugodominguez9]

@Scarecrow2386 No, I actually did take it out.

[a1graymatter]

You had me going for my Bible For a second!! LOL

[doryban129]

Like this video if you recognised the music from the trailer of AVATAR :P

[AceObrin]

She is indeed known as Little Debbie, who maketh snake [sic] cakes. They're the snack that bites back!

[deguesstheboxingfan]

LOL Dude, I keep looking up this and it's funny! xD

[fearproductions110]

It forgot "Thou who smelt it, Thou delt it."

[Clawdragoons]

I want that bible.

[Nejira]

What an execellent and well made point :)

[jsapreem]

This is funny as hell.

[DragonsREpic]

Lmao at the "commandments"

[ru2able]

note the bible is not for kids under 11, may contain rape, violence, bloodshed and scary graphic imagery that may harm innocent minds

[UndercityTV]

With this video im no longer atheist!!! These new commandments are real..... PRAISE TEEN AGE JESUS!!!!!

[Meraneus]

Where can I find a copy of that bible? I think I may be converted as well



[pasheka777]

I love the Black preacher accent! "Cheezus is the way!"

They're some of the funniest next to the televangelists and the one off of Queensryche's Operation: Mindcrime album. :)

"I want you to reach deep in your hearts, and your pocket books, and take his hand."

[Stevarious]

81 people are still, inexplicably, atheists, even after that amazing revelation!

[jonnerin]

The booth of toll...LMAO!!!

[natmil1]

The bible: the biggest waste of trees ever!

[AtheistThe]

@natmil1 L.O Fucking L your comment made me laugh really fucking hard. :)

[DepressedAnnnie]

@natmil1 Nope, still Twilight but the bible is a close second.

[natmil1]

@DepressedAnnnie Nice one. Twilight has damaged even more minds

[DepressedAnnnie]

@natmil1 Plus it's just the dumb stuff in the bible compressed. What kind of moron (mormon) uses hot guys to advertise abstinence? It just doesn't make any sense!

[natmil1]

@DepressedAnnnie Mostly teenage girls go for that stuff. They're trying to make abstinence the new trend through those new Disney "talents". And they are actually successful, just when you think modern developments will counter their beliefs. But were getting off topic

[DepressedAnnnie]

@natmil1 Yeah, I didn't know Disney was doing that as well but it makes sense. Anyway, what lobe did they completely loose function of to think they can make SEX go out of style? I mean even if they don't believe in evolution, they should know that that wouldn't work in a million years.

[natmil1]

@DepressedAnnnie They actually try to make people repress their urges by saying sex is ok after marriage. They're doing that while banning abortion and condoms. The message is basically: Have sex only when you intend to get a child. A human can't have that much self-control. But they believe the bible, don't they? It's not surprising they also think we can ignore our basic instincts. The very thing that keeps humans from going extinct is what they're trying to ban.

[DepressedAnnnie]

@natmil1 Yeah, like they only have sex for procreation ever. Ok, well enough of this. I'm going to friend you.

[Percival917]

@natmil1 ...Aaaaaaaaaaaaand THAT is why we fap nightly.

[pupsenok]

@natmil1

Sorry, that is the Koran.

[toulouse666]

@natmil1

Amen to that!

[MethanolCH3OH]

Where did you get to make a fake Bible made? I'm planning on making one of my own.

[BlackAndLiberated]

LMFAO! I almost grabbed my bible until u started with the verse about ass on youtube.

[WWJDBibleStudyTime]

@BlackAndLiberated dumb ass

[BlackAndLiberated]

@WWJDBibleStudyTime Very christian of u.  Thanks bitch.

[PhilosoFighter2012]

okay I admit it...you totally got me at the beginning...I almost started running to the bible I keep in my room...good joke.

[PigeonToedShawdy]

Im A Believer Now.

[DameAudigeleoftheRN]

ROFLMMFAO XDDD

*Fuckin dies!!!! XD*

[MadMAn12gauge]

wait a second thats not the bible....thats the book of mormon

[newperve]

I liked as our lord commanded.

[401reasons]

Praise the Lawd!!

Lol

[Houshalter]

How did you do that?

[GeneralGordon234]

Best video EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SimmehX3]

lmao i Went to look for my old dusty Bible (finally used) And i checked And i Was LIKE OH FUCK >:0 ( lol i wish it was true)

[jeg97256]

"Henceforth, should you cease to believe anything written in this book. God is totally cool with that"

OKAY!!!!! :D

[MadMapler21]

I want that translation of the bible, it actually sounds like it'd be entertaining.

[shagoosty]

What's funny is Revalations 12:9 is about a dragon.

[MadMAn12gauge]

@shagoosty yes apparently satan is a dragon....well im glad dragons dont exist :D

[mandimartinez18]

@MadMAn12gauge I was told by a young earth creationist that dragons were dinosaurs lol

[MadMAn12gauge]

@mandimartinez18 HAHAHAHA  Have you seen the movie caveman!!

Remembering the account of the bible when they were fighting the "dinosaur/( > .> ....dragon)

Reminded me of the dinosaur that got a watermelon stuck on its horn and went Cross-eyed hahaha..

But man these assholes have an answer for everything.... i think their religion seems to be "irreversably Complex" har har

[mandimartinez18]

@MadMAn12gauge I haven't seen it lol.  I think it's sad so many people are brainwashed. Wasting their life away worshiping something that doesn't exsit.

[MadMAn12gauge]

@mandimartinez18 well i dont blame them to be honest, i like role playing and stuff and dungeons and dragons.....i just dont get all nerdy and such and take it as a reality haha, never have as a child....it allways mindboggled me when i was forced to go to church...i never understood how people cant see reality from fantasy.....and i dont understand how me as a kid was able to see the difference and then see adults taking it seriously....made no sense

[mandimartinez18]

@MadMAn12gauge I used to be mormon, so I get it too. I was taught crazy shit growing up. I'm so glad I got away from all of that before I had my own children. I'm raising little freethinkers <3

[MadMAn12gauge]

@mandimartinez18 yeah i was also a "mormon" at least superficially, i never acted like them or had any desire for passing around stale bread and toilet water.

But actually as a lil boy i prefered to stay next to my mother in the chapel... they allways kept forcing me to go to some stupid child indoctrinating "CTR" class.....i liked the sports and camping, eventually my parents said fuck it because they literally had to struggle to force me to go every time, i found church as more of a choire

[globalfraud]

Nice keyboard I have the same one. :)

[Sinfestgirl]

OMG stop joking about not being atheiest anymore lol my heart stops for a sec everytime you do lol :P

[TehNevs]

I cracked up throughout this video, best thing ever lol!

[sstan1337]

You had me for a minute at the begining. Cool vid dude really funny.

[GhostPC1]

HAHAHAHAHAHA Fucking Epic!!!

[Nickt121111]

How did you get the print on the bible? A specially printed bible where you're free to do what you want cuz thats what the "real" bible is :P

[bogartnumbertwo]

Did anyone actually attempt to send you money?

[rainoflazra]

mmmmm......snake cakes

[debnadaviebna]

powerful scripture this is, the dark side no longer clouds all

[BER2ERKER]

Thou shalt purchase the Easy of thy Pass as to not fuckin destroy my afternoon after thy workith

[independentthinker0]

"jimmy hat"=condom

or, as my friend calls it, a "man's version of a bikini w/out a bra!"

[roseraqs]

Mmmm. 'Snake cakes.' XD

[scorand]

roflmao... where did u dig this up.. or how did u make it...lol

[KiraClaraUnderbara]

This is real immature. Just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean you have the right to make fun of the people who do. Get a life. I can tell you don't have one.

[scorand]

@KiraClaraUnderbara anymore immature than how non believers get thrashed??

[xxDickBonesxx]

@KiraClaraUnderbara Of course he has the right to make fun of people. Why do you think he hasn't?

[SenoraNintendo]

"Thou thall have thy fucking money ready when entering a booth of toll"

[runesapien]

bahahahahahah

[Freelifewonder]

Very funny :-) lol

[longshot291981]

Fucking funny. Thanks for the laugh

[1776bricks]

That's pretty funny. It's pretty sad. though, that people speak English and say things like, "I'll kick his ass" which means to beat up someone. Or "kiss my ass" meaning disrespect for another. (symbolism and allegory) and fail to understand that the Holy Bible was written with symbolism and allegory also. Like this:

The masonic symbol for equality is the level.

"Let them breathe" - hilarious.

[MrWaddefak]

LMFAO!

[theteacher010]

LOLOL!!!!!!!!!111!!!1one!!

[dechav1]

I became a believer!

[mattakudesu]

this is fucking gold. oh my shit, this is hilarious!

[agnostic79]

This is comedic genius. A+

[cruelbusiness1984]

omg there are so many christians watchin this right now blessing water 2 'make it holy' and washin themselves in it :P

[Nonefrog]

Well done!

[Callirgos1]

If its in the book it counts.

[generalissimosuvorov]

I like the preacher voice. Where'd the fake Bible come from?