The Divine Justice of God All Smitey!

[hal7ter]

God is REALLY not like that. The fellow is very entertaining, but I wish he would find out who God really is and then there would be more value to what he is saying. Too bad.

[GodsArePeopleToo]

@hal7ter - i take it you haven't read the part of the bible where the guy is stoned to death for gathering sticks on the bible

num 15:32 - 36 (he DOES give the reference)

before you argue with it, you might decide which god you're talking about

[pedrom41]

My goodness, one has to have an infantile

mind to literally and seriously believe all

of that childish bullshit......and then have

the nerve to even attempt to defend it when deservely fun is poked at it.

[RadarKat73080]

The Bible, the perfect moral guide for our lives!

[pedrom41]

Yeah right!

[hellasweet4twizzle]

Ok, total eddie Izzard, well done..haha...

[kalsolarUK]

Really? lol ... some says its more monty pythonish...I'm confused now.

[hellasweet4twizzle]

It's the one-man, four point conversation thing.

Turning around to look at your previous position, and reply to what you just said, it's a type of comiedic style shared by the likes of richard pryor and eddie Izzard, among others.

It's only because of the accent, and the topic of religion(and the voice of god sounding a bit like James Mason..) that eddie Izzard comes to mind when I watch these. The videos are marvalous, and Ia refreshing step back from the usual intensity of "atheist videos".

[hellasweet4twizzle]

although eddie was largely influenced by the monty python troupe...either way, absolute brilliance.

[gagnashdiak]

7th day... from the beggining... And there are actually 3 Sabbath. Friday for muslims were missed yet. Bloody long weekend-parties could be on the Middle-East.

Maybe he deserved punishment, but this one got one too far.

Pictured the memory-tablet from the end and set it as my desktop-wallpaper.

[YouCantSt0pTheSignal]

5* Brilliant, well done

[lorax2013]

I was waiting for you to point out the paradox that stoning someone probably entails more work than picking up sticks.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, lets just hope they remembered not to stone him on the sabbath.

[profglavin]

I always knew those blasphemy sticks were trouble!

[SuperiorSavior]

God IS a montey python charactar. THE TRUTH!

[daveheet]

Dude I absolutely love the ending where you dedicate the video the the unknown stick gatherer. ROFL poor bastard

[kalsolarUK]

Yep, its amazing how the simple act of picking up a few sticks on the wrong day could adversely affect your health.

[Nomiss9]

Definitely one of the best videos on Youtube.

[Denamic]

Those stick gathering evil-doers.

They're a threat to us all!

[randompalindrome]

Can the Saturday nearest December 17th be stick gathering day in honour for the unknown stick gatherer?

Seriously funny.

[leander24]

Stone the bastard :P

[corridorofpower]

"God... you just gotta love him!"

This is priceless!

[iHillman]

His punishment was obviously to have a joint with Moses, imagine the company ...

'yeah so I crossed the sea' .. would make you wana kill yourself. A just punishment from God :)

[Breiniak]

Saturday? Impossible for there were no Romans yet.The Sabbat is the Sabbat and that's the seventh day according to Jews. ^^

[kalsolarUK]

Yes, well you'll find that they did'nt really have sundial wrist-watches either - lol.

[Breiniak]

Point taken. Great videos anyway. You gotta have anachronisms to keep the spice in it.

[battybuddy]

Yeah, Fred Flintstone's was one of the last ones in circulation...

[TheAmazingAmazo]

you will burn in hell for this,i am a christian moron and i believe everything the bible says, fuck all the scientists, the bible is all us christian retards need

[Eldxale]

Just like a Monty Python skit. I love it. And I knew you were going to make a watch joke. Would have liked to see you delve a little bit more into it, but perhaps it wouldn't have been as great that way.

[Paxmax]

I can't belive how hard it is for people to gather which day is the sabbath.... it is always on the same day as it always has been..

You know... the 7:th day.

LOL! like the vid, excellent characterisation, I can see you as a cool storyteller down at the pub!

[kalsolarUK]

lol, I'll have to make a note of that "7th Day" might save me getting stoned anyway, lol.

Thanks for the comment!

[jollychris1010101]

Hilariously funny video i have now subscribed

[kalsolarUK]

thanks for that!

[HippieEater]

You are awesome. Your humor is very Monty Python.

[kalsolarUK]

hey, thanks for the comment, much appreciated. I have other videos on here too which you might find amusing, thanks again.

[riversonthemoon]

Hehe.

Just think of all the poor boy scouts camping on weekends, ignorantly gathering sticks for the campfire.

[THExGrimmace]

in this vid you remind me a bit of Eddie Izzard

[saintee1000]

God missed a trick here, he should have adopted our modern day Liberal laws on stick gathering on Sundays, because since it became legal very few people do it. But when you make it illegal it has that "cool" factor.

[snagillim]

exactly kalsolar, to have any rationality at all is to figure out that if the bible must all be considered inspired words of God or not true then you would have to choose the latter, but i believe that that the bible is just very imperfect and there are good parts to find in it.

[kalsolarUK]

I would go along with that, some great messages and stories alongside some very dodgy ones too and scary ones too!

[snagillim]

lol, i think alot of the bible is full of shit. Jesus worked on the sabbath and people got pissed off because of it. So even he knew people had fucked up and written hogwash about God being some kind of ridiculously angry fellow with magical powers. i think people just like writing about magic...

[aud4c1ty]

He was healing people and the Pharisees were looking for ways to kill him so that's what they used. And I like to know what else you think is so bad about the bible.

[snagillim]

well in deuteronomy it says you should stone your bride if you lay with her for the first time and see no proof of virginity. i don't agree with that either.

[snagillim]

oh and it also says that you should stone a rebelious child is they don't show improvement after being corrected. which i think is a huge flaw in logic considering children are products of how the parents have taught them and what they have been exposed too.

[aud4c1ty]

These all would be "appropriate" in their day and age. Back then, it was extremely unlikely that a child (this would be in their teens) would be disobedient. Not to mention it would bring huge worlds of shame upon their family. As would you find out that your wife isn't a virgin. Back then losing your viginity before marriage was horrific and you most likely would be disowned. You would either be kicked out or stoned. Today however, it's completely different. [cont]

[aud4c1ty]

Picking up sticks was not the sin, it was working on the Sabbath. Picking up sticks just happened to be the task for the unfortunate man. It would have been treated the same way if he was working on something else. Like I said before, before Jesus God had to hand out justice himself. Because he disobeyed he had to be punished.

[Jeremyguru]

Executing people for "picking up sticks ON THE SABBATH" is cruel and unusual punishment. They really have committed no crime. They've done nothing wrong.

Your god is not real, yet religionists today still excute people for offending their god. This nonsense needs to be discarded.

[aud4c1ty]

Actually it was a "crime". The law God set back then said "Do not work on the Sabbath". Disobeying the law equals a crime correct?

And I have not met any true Christians that have executed people for not believing. You'd have to show me.

[Jeremyguru]

Your god is not real. But for the sake argument, god's ban on sabbath work is very irrational. Why is it a big deal? Is it worth killing people over? Of course not.

Laws are supposed to be made for good reasons. What good reason justifies sabbath laws?

Christians kill each other all the time. Who are you to suggest they're not "true" Xians? There is plenty of violence in your good book to support more violence.

[aud4c1ty]

"Your god is not real". That was more blunt than I expected from you. Then again I do not know you very well.

God created the Sabbath day for a day of rest and a day to spend fellowship with him (hence church on Sunday). He told us he wanted us to do that. The reason I said "true" Christians is because there's people that claim to be Christian but aren't (for example men during the Crusades). Why would anyone devoted to follow God, suddenly turn his back on him and murder someone?

[Jeremyguru]

Many christians disagree with you. They think Saturday is the sabbath. Other chrisitians don't observe the sabbath at all.

Those crusaders were following god's example. Your bible is full of incest, rape, murder, infantcide, genocide, torture and human sacrifice. Many of these attrocities were ordered or approved of by your deity. God is not a nice fellow.

[aud4c1ty]

Well if you look at the Bible (which all Christians should follow) it says the seventh day (aka Sunday) is the Sabbath.And God ordering the death of sinful people (who did not repent despite countless opportunities) is not murder. I never read where God orders torture, rape, human sacrifice or infanticide. If you think God is not a loving God then I encourage you to read the book of Joel.

[Jeremyguru]

Cite the verse that says the sabbath is onSunday.

Your god drowned almost all humans. That is genocide.

In Num. 31: 15-18, Moses orders his suborninates to kill an opposing tribe, except for the female children, whom they saved for themselves. That is genocide, rape and child molestation.

Your god burns people in hell, which is torture.

Jesus was a human sacrifice. So was Jephthah's murder of his own daughter in Judges 11.

[aud4c1ty]

[cont]

Even though God says to wait till marriage, if you get frisky before you won';t get stoned or disowned by your family. Neither would we stone our teenagers for being disobedient. The laws reflect the culture of the time.

[snagillim]

The bible says God doesn't change, so if that was inspired law of God then the cultural situation is irrelevant, leading me to believe that out of the entire collection of books of the bible, not all of them are divinely inspired and possibly just parts of some. Human ability fuck stuff up seems to be a cancer to everything.

[aud4c1ty]

God Himself does not change but what does that have to do with His Word? It is His after all, shouldn't He be able to change it whenever he feels obligated to?

[snagillim]

if he knows the end from the beginning he won't need to change his word, and changing your word is commonly known as lying where i live, which is something God has also said he doesn't do

[kalsolarUK]

we talk about god changing his mind like he thinks as we do. If he's god and he's perfect and with brain power and abilities beyond our comprehension then surely the idea of this all knowind dude changing his mind is nonsense. The fact is...man wrote the bible.

[Jeremyguru]

Do you think people should be stoned to death for gathering sticks?

[aud4c1ty]

The reason he was stoned was because he was working on the Sabbath. And I'm sure your aware that it was a sin to work on the Sabbath. And back then, justice for the sin had to be served and because this occurred before Jesus died, they had to kill him themselves because sin = death. So it wasn't because he was gathering wood, it was because he was blatantly ignoring God's law and he had to be punished.

[Jeremyguru]

Don't you think that executing someone for committing a victimless "crime" is a bit harsh?

It doesn't matter if the death sentence was carried out before or after your Jesus, it is very cruel. That means your god is cruel. Apparently, your god will murder people for offending or disrespecting Him, but gathering sticks isn't a crime. It harms no one.

[aud4c1ty]

Actually it does matter if it was before Jesus or not. Because Jesus took the punishment for us all, we can be spared from hell. Now why would a "cruel" God do that? And since the punishment for sin (which we all commit) is death, what's to stop him from killing us all? Why would a cruel God give us the opportunity to set things straight instead of just starting over?

[Jeremyguru]

The belief that one person can serve the sentence for your crimes is absurd. And what crime did you commit? You were not even born during the time of A & E. By the way, A & E is a MYTH.

Smile, there is no hell :)

Executing people for picking up sticks is cruel and unusual punishment. It is immoral. Any being who murders people such a petty offense, therefore, is cruel and immoral.

[aud4c1ty]

I would like for you to explain how it is absurd. It's just like going to jail for someone who's stolen something. And I'll admit it. I've committed a lot of sins. I'm not proud of it but that's reality.

How can you be so sure? If you were to die tonight would you feel comfortable about where you would end up?

[cont]

[Jeremyguru]

Sin is a meaningless religious word. There is no god to sin against.

Punishing people for stealing is not the same as TORTURING THEM WITH FIRE FOR ETERNTIY. It's sad that you can't tell the difference.

[aud4c1ty]

It's obnoxious how you use your concept of god to debate with me. Some points you say he's real but really you say he isn't. Stick to one story. Either God isn't real and thus you can't use the Bible against me, because the Bible comes from God and you don't believe in him or you have to say he exists.

[Jeremyguru]

Let me clarify. I'm always refering to the fictional character, the make believe Judeo/Christian god.

No, the bible doesn't come from a god. Like all "holy" books, it was written by very ignorant, superstitious men.

It's easy to use the bible against you. You claim that the same god that tortures people by burning them forever is "loving." That is nonsense.

[kalsolarUK]

You're on a loser debating with die hard literalists here...they pride themselves in their acceptance and belief in every single word of the bible. Their logic chip has been replaced by a bullshit chip.

[Jeremyguru]

It doesn't hurt to try.

[Jeremyguru]

It's never moral to murder people who have sex outside of marriage. It's never moral to murder your children for being disobedient. It wasn't moral 3000 years ago any more than it's moral today. If your god approved of such barbaric behavior, at any time, your god is barbaric.

[kalsolarUK]

The more I read the bible the more depressed I become due to the obvious fact that this god is either nuts or does'nt exist. Some of his "rules" are barbaric nonsense.

[Largo64]

You get funnier every time. I should have an oxygen tank standing by for your next vid, else I might pass out from laughing too hard.

(Was that too extravagant? I'm trying to cut down.)

[BryanAJParry]

The more you say "gathering sticks", the funnier it gets. For some reason.

[kalsolarUK]

yeah, I think it kinda helps to put the ridiculousness of the offence into perspective more. lol.

[BryanAJParry]

I have reads lots of the bible. But a while back, I decided to read it cover to cover: Gen1:1 to Rev... whatever the last chapter and verse of Rev are. I have to say, I keep having my jaw drop, slapping my head, and exclaiming "hunnh??" at what I'm reading. That is, between bouts of bible-induced snoozing.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, I'm doing the same...its a haul..and dull at times..but great entertaiment value

[russianlegionaire]

great.

[dNRMediaProductions]

Seems there was no pleasing god. I mean he had people believing in him and jumping through hoops to show their loyalty, but one little whoopsie and he'd rip them a new @rseole, and sometimes for no other reason than just because he could. Not quite the heavenly chap the Christians would have us believe is he?

[kalsolarUK]

Nope..but then their defense is usually the lame "you don't understand the context of the story" or "We are not allowed to judge god, so we can't judge his actions however deploreable they seem to us". Kinda pathetic really.

[zgswear]

I agree that the old testament is full of what seems like unjust punishments. But, oddly enough, when you look at the new testament, suddenly there's far fewer punishments and far fewer weird rules.

[zgswear]

Not to mention that I don't always take the stories at face value. I think that they're meant as more of a "this shit is bad, don't do it" sorta deal. I know people swear up and down and all around that the bible is absolutely real, but then they also swore that the Y2K bug was the end of the world.

[kalsolarUK]

Certainly the new testament is a much milder book in comparison. I don't think whoever wrote it would have gotten away with writing another book as hard line as the old testament.

[cosmicjackpot]

I'll tell you what sounds like a monty python skit is Jonah: 'you have to jump off the boat', 'I can't jump off the boat; you have to throw me off the boat.' 'We can't throw you off the boat; you have to ...'

Anyway, thanks for making these. Keep it up.

[Panman38]

Check this out, this is the passage after the stickgatherer gets put to death:

"The LORD told oses to say to the people of Israel, 'Sew tassels onto the bottom edge of your clothes and tie a purple string to each tassel.'" - Numbers chapter 15

Gods laws just keep getting more and more ludacris.

[kalsolarUK]

Yep, god he's a laugh a minute. I think its just a giant cosmic game of "simon says". If you do something that god does'nt say..you're in for it. lol.

[florinmiu]

This is a very good Monty Python style video. You even sound like on of them. Keep up thy good work.

[kalsolarUK]

yes I suppose it does have that feel about it. I think it must have been a sunconscious choice of style as I was writing it in my head. Thanks!

[stretchyrubberbands]

Another great one, kalsolar

[kalsolarUK]

thanks, the bible is certainly full of it...great stories I mean!

[EternalFire00]

Ooooh, so lucky it is a monday when you made this video. Two days before and I'd be forced to stone you.

[kalsolarUK]

well monday was when I uploaded it anyway. lol.

[pkingo1]

What!? Someone gathering sticks? Smite him!

[Panman38]

I love the bible, it's so full of silly stories like that.

Great video!

[Gihaal]

That was hilarious.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks, its hard to keep a straight face doing these sometimes, lol.

[Gihaal]

I can imagine. You'd be a good stand up comedian.

But you can always stay on youtube and entertain your loyal slaves.

I enjoy sending your videos to Christians I know and listen to them reply horribly.

[kalsolarUK]

Oh dear...god help me! lol.

[Gihaal]

Careful. He'll smite your newborn and make you sacrifice your son. I prefer Allah. 72 virgins ^^

[justwannabeme2525]

Oh the poor stick gatherer! He should have been "rational" and gathered all of his sticks on Friday like the rest of christendom!

[FinalWhiteDoves]

It looks like that guy got himself into a sticky situation and had been barking up the wrong tree for sometime now, how to solve this conundrum, well you have me stumped. Poor guy, I would have just "leafed" him alone. God really seems to get a big wood for his smiting of people, alright that's enough stick based jokes for one comment, I better go before I too am smited for pointing out the horrible crime that was committed against a poor stick gatherer.

[sharpie443]

good stuff man. 5/5 from a deist.

[kalsolarUK]

aww thanks, good to know that the stories of the good book are keeping you as entertained as they keep me when I read them. lol.

[pornoopel]

man! i laughed so hard.. you tell this so damn well! :D ..5* and favorited

[BayerLexan]

The poor bastard probably just wanted to heat up his cold lentil soup.

[Paxmax]

no no.. that was neil... he traveled with "the young ones".

[Crosisborg]

LOL

[CousinoMacul]

Just to be safe, I gather sticks on both sabathes.

[EvilZoe]

Well done!

[pojopixie]

hahaha, awesome

[SuperAtheist]

how about the story of job.

god allows satan to torture job just to make a point to satan?

[kalsolarUK]

Yes its a hell of a story that..I would like to get to that one at some point.

[romanoskar]

I don't know if I'm just a little easier to entertain today, or if this is really your best one yet... time will tell.

That was brilliant.

For the next one, hopefully I will remember to put my sandwich down. I inhaled a piece there for a second.

[SuperAtheist]

maybe this video should have a warning label?

"possible choking hazard"

[kalsolarUK]

hehe, damn - I'm gonna have to get insured against youtubers eating sandwiches in case I get sued.

[pkingo1]

Haha, great.

[rozeboosje]

Damn. You would have done well in Monty Python :-)

[Philosophobia]

Serves him right, shouldn't have been gathering sticks. ...Actually, maybe God's just an asshole now that I think of it.

Would you have to stone yourself, if you stoned someone else to death on the Sabbath?

[KasparHauser4]

I wonder if the stick gatherer was related to that guy who touched the ark of the covenant to steady it and was killed?

[Largo64]

The poor fellow's name was Uzzah. After several thousand years the modern variety Hebrews felt sorry for him and honored him by naming an automatic weapon after him that could kill almost as fast as God smote.

Wait a minute, that was Uzi. . . . . . never mind!

[DeletedDelusion]

I woundn´t surprised if the weekdays got mixed up at some time in the past. LOL

Great video.

[kalsolarUK]

well the bible is pretty mixed up for a start. lol.

[lazymornings]

yeah,it's really a waste of time this religion lark!!i agree.but somehow,it's better when you read it.

[Danmill23]

Brrrrilliant.! Lets have babies!

[kalsolarUK]

Erm... for once I'm lost for words. but thanks, lol.

[EvilZoe]

Yeah, gotta watch that.

Last time I said something along those lines, I nearly had to produce....lol

[kalsolarUK]

Eek...at least you have the equipment for it! lol. I seem to remember reading what you are refering too...hehe.

[ScottishAtheist]

Thank God. Evil stick gathering bastard.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, quite!

[AzmodanKijur]

Great video. Amusing and informative! I love how you make out the imaginary man to be a crazy old coot. :D

[kalsolarUK]

He is a crazy old coot! Just trying to be as accurate as possible. ahem! :D