Rape Culture: A (ftm) Transexual Narrative

[Skilbeard]

@freshlycharles Thanks for sharing. For us men sex is like pure cocaine, crack, mushroom, etc, etc. Men and women will commit crimes to get to drugs and that next "high". They are essentially addicts especially if they had a good first experience. In the past women were subdued and didn’t tell their story. Now that I know I find another solution. Some of my best “highs” are now from masturbation. Women do anything I ask in my masturbation. It's a design problem. It's now we are.

[BreakerInc]

I thought HUMANS were sexually aggressive, personally..

[aaryntalks]

Charles, you are such an inspiration. Your undying honesty and willingness to show vulnerability brings light to such desperately important issues in society and in our trans* community. As someone often accused of being too much of a dreamer when it comes to changing our society, I appreciate you and your videos so much.

[Imogen1885]

I strongly dislike men in general, but I sometimes like the way they look. That's why transmen are so perfect. I love transmen.

[louietheduke]

Love ya hair dude man I wish I could do my hair like yours,but i would come out like a peach :(

[KaitlinSdorsey]

Oh my God I love you.

[BassBOY0GIRL]

@psypomp

Caus nothing ten minutes long wood ever go viral

[Psypomp]

Why can't videos like this go viral? So many people would benefit from watching this. Thank you <3

[justsomeapples]

I love you. <3 You are so brave.

[fetusalamode]

This was beautiful and amazing. I have absolutely been in situations where I felt that I was "supposed" to have sex with someone. I always thought it was just "me" that felt that way because I am too sensitive. I was physically and sexually abused by a trans person a few years ago and it still haunts me. Thank you for opening up to everyone, it can't have been easy.I have so much respect for you.

-Thea

[charlenemonique1]

You are so right in what you say.I woud've remained a virgin for alot longer had I not have been violated.Only I did'nt realize at the time that I was being violated.I was only 16.I too felt that men have their needs.I tried that focusing on something else during the act as well.I gave off the signals that I DID'NT want to be doing this but it was ignored but I felt that I had no right to complain at the same time.I dont allow it anymore

[SafiaNolin]

Brilliant.

[austinprncss]

thank you so much for making this video

[antiquegaloshes]

Thank you.

[NubianTribesman]

wow great video i'm glad i found your channel

[foreskinforest]

you look like girly wirly

[FistfulofDicks]

This is a really fantastic video. Thank you.

[iremythpurr]

This video is so touching. Thank you for talking about your experiences living in a rape culture and talking about what its like to be socialized as a female and how that has shaped your perception of yourself in relation to being a transmale and how you interact with women.

Seriously, this was so eye opening and educational. If I could hug you I would.

[loserella55]

Thank you so much for posting this. Sometimes I wonder, being genderqueer, if this society is partially what makes me hate being female so much since all I've ever associated it with is being dominated, assumed about, and expected things from. =(

[LickLikeStrawberry]

After living as a male (and this was cemented when I went on testosterone and then had a male libido), i realized that the "you'd do it if you loved me" crap is just manipulative Bull. no one needs sex enough to rape to get it.

[spiritsoulhippie]

Thank you very, very much for posting this love. . . . It means alot. Peace, Love, & Many Blessings!

[theocracydie]

This is a very important video. Thank you for posting this. The patriarchal culture that enforces compliance and access to our bodies when we don't want it is truly assaultive.

I also want to say that even if one considers themselves sex liberated, sex positive, or sex radical - to really check in with other peoples boundaries and not make assumptions or push those boundaries.

Amen brother!

[AMeanderingSoul]

You are a beautiful person...

[bootgrease]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, It is so important to the younger generations to have examples of growth, strength, truth and role models. It has been inspiring to witness your journey. Give yourself credit for all your hard work, it's paying off. I'm f to m too.

[MrAdmiralAwesome]

Thank you for this video. Talk about triggering content. I relate to it in many ways that I wish I didn't, and I know far too many people who would also relate. I wish the statistics weren't that high. Numbers hurt.

[beckmaaaaaan]

Thank you - so much for this video. I truly relate to it, in many many ways. And yes verbalizing and communication has been the best key for me to have better and also safer and healthier sex. And thereby I do not mean that one can't or shan't use domination and other related stuff in sex. we need to adress it, and to be aware of why and how. oh this subject is big, But thank you!

[Orville9999]

what role do women play in perpetuating rape culture?

between a third and half of women admit to having rape fantasies and half admit to playing them out. (not the same half)

Half of romance novels (which is a genre almost exclusively written by women for women) have rape scenes in them.

I've seen women openly talk about how their frustrated that their boyfriends wont rough them up in bed or about actively training their men to be more aggressive.

[freshlycharles]

many people who have rape fantasies have been raped themselves. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't get off with out thinking about rape for a long time cause of something from my youth. It wasn't until I finally talked about it to a therapist that I realized that I learned that it is really about power - the taking and giving of it....

wanting to be roughed-up between consenting adults engaging in that, even if it is the mock playing out of "rape" and the real thing, you know?

[Orville9999]

I can't seem to parse your last comment. Are you saying there's a difference between consensual rough trade and rape? Of course.

But when I read that rape culture is about a society that encourages men to be sexually aggressive and associates sex with violence, I really can't see the justification for it.

Maybe if I ask a series of question I can figure out the obvious thing I seem to be missing that everyone else gets.

[Orville9999]

@freshlycharles

questions: Does rape culture encourage men to be sexually aggressive?

Does rape culture associate sex with violence?

Does a woman asking a man to pretend to rape her, or engage in "rough trade" encourage male sexual aggression?

Does a woman asking a man to pretend to rape her or engage in "rough trade" associate sex with violence?

[freshlycharles]

These questions are hard to respond to via a comment section, but I think that if you look at the statistics, 1 in 4 women experience sexual violence - this speaks for itself. Yes, sex must be associated with violence. All forms of domination are violent. Maintaining the status quo is inherently violent. I don't understand why you focus on consensual exchanges rather than try to develop a theory around why there are SO many sexually violent acts perpetrated in this society....??

[Orville9999]

Listen I just want to be clear that I'm not into that shit and if a woman I'm with says she wants me to play out a rape fantasy I'm going to run for the hills.

I focus on it for several reasons.

It fits the definition of rape culture perfectly.

It's extremely prevalent.

And nobody else seems to agree with me.

I ask you because I want somebody to explain to me why this doesn't fit the definition. Or, if this is an exception, do so without the use of special pleading.

[bundleHastings]

It's part of our woman-hating society. Women hate themselves because they are raised to. The brainwashing doesn't ONLY apply to men.

[farnzash]

I have been following your videos for a while and I feel I have a better understanding of myself and what I should expect from others as a result... You're quite a rad child Charles! Thanks so much!

[AviatorJurieu]

incredible. what is the song at the end? thank you for making this.

[Zekeiel666]

Our world is in such a sad state. Forcing anyone into having sex, no matter who it is is so sad.

[driftmavyn]

I am so appreciative of this video. Thank you Charles for being vulnerable and sharing your thoughts, experiences and views. I feel everyone has a part in changing our rape culture, to be part of the solution. Thank you very much!!!

[pj1984hawaii]

I really think something needs to change. Women feel that if they give it they have power and men feel that if they take it they have power. Its really really sad.

[pj1984hawaii]

I am so glad that you approached this topic and spoke about it. I agree with you so much. It actually angers me how sex is percieved these days. I think that it has crated such a problem in society. I mean im not trying to be negative but when it comes to sex people are all about taking. It is always percieved as a situation where someone is taking. I also feel like that has become an ideal for men is just to take it. Sex should be about expolration and procreation and its so disgusting now.

[publishsarah]

Hello Charles,

It's very brave of you to bring up such a taboo topic.

I experienced violence in the LGBT community when I was very young - I was so naive, I had no idea that violence ever happened outside of the male/female hetero binary - wow, talk about a wake-up call! It's so taboo to talk about, which made my experience nearly impossible to deal with. I have hope that things will change - hopefully in our lifetime!

Absolutely beautiful picture of you at the end.

[sodacop]

very cool.

[calliopelynx]

thank you so much for this.<3

[MeikoEliasXavier]

This dialogue is a really important one for so many... really everyone to think about. Thank you for sharing.

[jinxglitter]

thank you so much for posting this!

[xoRobincredible]

you're amazing, this video is amazing. you're a beautiful, beautiful person.

[nothingrevolutionary]

thank you so much for this.

[pistolitafrommexico]

Hi Chles Imade video as an answer. I´m not very good at this, i´m new at uploading videos. Well, the thing is we have this and the sober in common, so thanks for sharing. I love your video.

[acariya924]

yeah...the most recent statistic is 1 in 4 women...

[mrsethcorbin]

Did I ever tell you how immensely happy I am that you exist?

[sureimstoked]

once again, very important, well done video. thank you.

[BourneArgonaut]

Good, poignant vid.

[metfan46]

Brillant video

[difficultwomyn]

Hey Charles, love the video. I was wondering if you have every read anything by Allen Wade. Dr. Alan Wade is a Family Therapist and Researcher (Response Based Counselling) whose research focus is around "Small Acts of Living: Everyday Resistance to Violence and Other Forms of Oppression". Very cool stuff, as it is really great at re-framing our behavior as survivors and allows us to see our acts of resistance/strengths that we created to protect ourselves!

[restatvoluptas]

charles, you are such a fucking beautiful person.

[bizicki]

" i am the damage, and i am the relief..."

peace and support charles'

Cade

[kalmanlyman]

Mine came about in yet another way. . .and that was the trade-off of sex for wanting to feel loved and cared for by older (much older) men. Who was wrong? Me, a minor, or they 30 to 40 years older than me, men? I guess, in retrospect, like you said, we all are responsible. . .

[internationalquiche]

Mate... this is amazing.

[QVic79]

it's so good that someone is actually talking about this. Far too often these issues are just silenced. I can relate to what you're saying and I have several women in my life who have suffered badly due to this culture and been let down by the system. Thanks for being so open and honest about this, I know it took a lot.

[jesscaralsen]

first off, crazy good video...Maybe the best one you've ever made. Secondly I've been victimized by the first trans person I knew personally and I felt really trapped because I didn't identify with anyone else (besides on youtube of course). Third, there's probably a ton of people on here that look up to you; you do a great thing by relaying all this information to people who don't have the access to it. I'm rambling, your awesome etc...

[musicmiranda]

"i felt like i couldn't say no" - i have been there too often. i am going to check out that article you mentioned. thank you.

[chanapanya]

awesome photo Charles! and beautiful words, thanks for your truth and honesty

[generalleemiller]

Unfortunately I can also relate to your experiences. Incredible video. Thanks for saying what so many of us have a hard time thinking about, much less talking about.

[floweryflamingo]

This video is so so so so amazing. Everything about this was amazing. Thank you so much for having the courage to talk about this.

[montyollie]

Amazing video. I was socialized the exact same way. I always figured it was a catholic upbringing thing. I have raged against it for as long as I can remember

[WhipItIntoShape]

Really interesting video. What you said was very well put.

[feedthefire32]

That was amazing. Thank you for everything you do and everything you say.

[reesekelly]

charles. this was so beautiful and incredibly powerful. thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughtful reflections with us all. :) you are an inspiration.

[Wilmie82]

your voice.. OMG ..  you sound and look great!

[ThaAlchemista]

Thank you so much for sharing this. You have no idea how much this has helped me and how you vocalized my exact feelings. Thank you Charles, thank you so much.

[Ricky8978]

thanks for making this video. It put words to the way i've been feeling.

[arawrebirth20]

Thank you for making this video!

[fruitgrrl]

thank you.

[two4T]

thank you for sharing Charles

x

[Dweebiedo]

I love you, man. Really. Hugs.

[jesi0besi]

This was excellent, I am honored by how candid you are.

[sugarspungirl]

pure raw emotion,vulnerable and brave.....you are truly WONDERFUL

[xXxSilenTMajorityxXx]

Hugs**

[repgurl]

Thank you so much for this video. Truly wonderful.

[danc3hallkrashr]

omg i was so surprised when i opened this video bc ur voice is so different!!!

[CrystalDawn2507]

I feel less of a person since I had got raped at such an awkward age I was still trying to get comfy with my body with having a period and not being embarrised by my boobs lol. So something has to change for our children and children that grows up , my daughter and future children will always be imformed and know that they do own their bodies and have that right to choose to be who they want to be and to say no period to anything.

[CrystalDawn2507]

Holy voice change out with 13 yr old teen and come on 18 plus young man yay. And great topic not many talks about rape and sexuality . For me I feel odd , I am not even sure if this is a condition, I always have felt like a gay man , idk why always have I can remember feeling like a femm guy that liked guys . I was ultra prissy as a kid and still kinda am. And with the rape thing I got raped by someone I trusted at 14 and I feel awkward sexually sometimes and have flashbacks etc.

[thebeardedtraveler]

I've noticed for a long time how a lot of "flirting" is portrayed in media (particularly music videos) as very coercive-- pushing, aggressive interaction between "romantic" partners.

[dimidarko79]

Another amazing vid charles. Your honest is so refreshing.

On a different note, your voice and jaw-shape are changing big time!

[tfpunk1979]

every thing you said was true... Even tho all of those horrible things happened to you, your still standing up and trying to educate both sides. For that you are amazing and you are the bigger person. Its how you walk away from the experience that counts and can teach and touch others who have been in your shoes.

[gentlebutch]

I think men are taught to come on too hard and ftm's are encouraged to come on strong. And women are taught to "play hard to get" and send mixed signals. I think that's a bad thing. I think you're right about the rape culture but I think that everyone must change in order for it to work. Men must be taught new ideas but . I've seriously thought women were interested before only to find that they weren't. I'm very sensitive about women I just think they're taught not to be assertive.

[SergeOnTheVerge]

Wow your voice is dropping fast. Very interesting topic. I love watching your videos. You are so smart and sincere...