31 Jokes for NERDS!

[Bingbnag]

WAAHAHAHAHH I dont get it....-_-

[johnpar1231]

whatjokes. com

[TheCaphits]

I feel like I have a responsibility to post this.

**SPOILER ALERT** Glass half empty/full revealed! **SPOILER ALERT**

A glass is half empty when the the glass...is being emptied (Liquid being removed from said glass.) Or just after the event of liquid leaving the glass, resulting in 50% of the glass having liquid inside.

A glass is half full when the glass is being filled. (Liquid is being poured into the glass.) Or when the glass has just been filled to the half-way with liquid.

Thanks.

[superhotboypatryk122]

your bored

[Xerox170]

HA! :D

30th Joke is about Quantium Mechanics

[MrVideosphere]

This guy reminds me of Toby Turner...

TOBUSCUSNERD!! :D

[jheanellt1]

I didn't get numbers 10,17,22,28, and 30 in their entirety.

[TheEternalMoonlight]

A person with an engineering degree will ask "how does it work?"

a person with a science degree will ask "Why does this work?"

a person with an art degree will ask "do you want fries with that?"

[Ristengirl876]

2 wasn't funny. The face at the end was. xD

[TheLadyofevilness]

31 was a fav :)

[DollFace5412]

three men walk into a bar..... one ducks

[qwerty2460123]

and the bartender says "HEY, WE DON'T ALLOW FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT TRAVEL IN HERE!"

a neutrino walks into a bar.

[vasd714]

number 15 (3 Spock ears)

[matsterwxyz]

thumbs up for homestar runner

[Goatheey]

He really sounds like Tobuscus in this one!

[TheOfficialAnneMarie]

I'm proud to say that I actually understood most of those jokes!

[ThEuNkNoWn9999999]

He sounds like tobuscus

[tinabeaner004]

@ThEuNkNoWn9999999 No.... He sounds like hank green. Cause.. he's hank green.

[CandyCrazie]

How many ears does Spock have? 3 A left Ear a Right ear and a Final Front ear :)

[Strapsman]

Number 25 should be in True or Fail.

[thatswhatbradsaid]

Can someone please explain 24? thanks

[roflcoptergoeslulz]

@thatswhatbradsaid Descartes was the one who said, "I think, therefore I am." In the joke he says I think not, so he doesn’t think, therefore he doesn’t exist..

[SupaMarioX]

The final Joke, the joke is that "Schrodinger's Cat" is basically a theory that Schrodinger made by stating an example of if there were to be a cat in a box with poison. In a short summary, it was basically to say, "Well, the cat may eat the poison and die, and it may not eat the poison and live." It was to state that there can be billions of alternate realities simply based upon making drastic decisions.

[gothikalord13]

I got one.

Two chemist order drinks at a bat

First one says " I'll just have H2O"

Second one says " I'll have H2O too"

Think about it.

"H2O2"

[cewmen]

Number 25. For those that don't get it. I think it is because those that have 1 or 0 legs would make the average number of legs for a human slightly under 2. Meaning that most people have an above average amount of legs. F*** yeah, I'm smart.

[SupaMarioX]

@cewmen Hah! Nice!

[BrandonRocksSauce]

ha



[Blarmoshlashkin]

I understand every single joke... is that something to be proud of? It is.

[n64p3]

30 and 31 were the best

[blacksnowhitequeen]

So pi and the square root of negative 1 are having an argument. i says to pi, "Please! Would you just be rational!" and pi replies, "ugh, get real!". So e sees their argument getting awfully heated so goes up to them and tells them to cool down and pi says, "Oh of course! Mr. Transcendent!"

[1jokeoftheday]

For real fun, also check out my channel!

[cewmen]

4 and 5 :D

[pokemario2008]

I like the argon one... I don't know why it made me laugh so hard

[OhHeyItsMattyD]

i don't get the above average # of legs one

[heno76310]

@OhHeyItsMattyD Well, a few people have 1 or no legs, yet people who have more than two are pretty hard to come across. So If you take the average, it must be slightly under two.

[inacityoffools]

actually since there is no vacuum in the glass the glass is entirely full.. weird i had this conversation with my friend a couple of hours ago

[Zimoria]

I wish I could like this video more than once because... I'm your only friend. I'm not your only friend, but I'm a little glowing friend, but really I'm not actually your friend, but I am.

[jheanellt1]

@Zimoria TMBG - Birdhouse in your soul!!!

[Zimoria]

@jheanellt1 I love TMBG especially the Flood cd. The poster is in the background under the anime poster.

[rgaleny]

My God! I got most of those jokes! cool.

[bbugarschi]

Q: what is the difference between a Civil Engineer and a Software Engineer?

A: the Civil Engineer thinks a kilobyte is about 1000 bytes, the Software Engineer thinks a kilometer is about 1024 meters.

[PunkBuzter]

@bbugarschi haha xD

[MrVideosphere]

@bbugarschi As a Civil/Structural engineer, I find this humorous. Jolly good show my good sir.

[MiniMelloMoment]

InuYasha poster in the background... He's an anime fan....... -flail of happy-

[azagoren101]

My favorite joke is #17.

[GraceTowne]

These aren't "nerdy" jokes, these are "geeky" jokes. Nerds are dumb, geeks are smart. Only smart people would get these jokes.

[InHouseMaterial]

@GraceTowne i always thought nerd ment smart and geek meant was into geeky stuff but was not actually smart.i think you habe it backwards dude.

[glostep1]

my favorite joke was the derivative pick up line

[jheanellt1]

@glostep1 Mine too.  I want to use it, but for some reason, I don't think it will work...

[pabloww]

I'm here to pretend I feel bad for understanding all the jokes, so people think I'm really smart. But hey, im suffering for it! ...

[cuteanimechibi]

BUT BUT BUT THERE WAS NO ANIME!!!!! HOW DARE U DX!!! HOW CAN IT BE!!!

[Sk8trdude67]

Mine was either the Spock joke or #27. xD

[KaitlynandRuben]

omg the spock joke xD

[jheanellt1]

@thebaseballcardguru Oh, I get it!

[AllegroRubato]

Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?

To get to the same side.

[thebaseballcardguru]

I am such a nerd. I got all of these. :/

[poisonmist13]

Do you rearange your bookshelf everyday? The pink unicorn isn't there?

[TheiTechCast]

32

[pigshavelongorgasms]

31

[Guerrillablackdog]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

My favorites were 2, 5, 13, 15.

[767Raccoon]

11 :D



[countrygirl41296]

I'm happy, because I understood MOST of the jokes :) **pushes up glasses** I feel slightly nerdy now :)

[zeosrule]

#LOL

[celticcountrylover]

19

[NinjaPigWorrier]

I only got the maths and chemistry ones!

[PAtch3s1024]

The Renet De Carte joke is definitely the funniest.....

[oceansoul316]

31

[TinyTeaza2k7]

Number four is my favourite.

[maximiliankoe]

Its funny how you pronunce Schrödinger

[vedranjurisa]

the last one is the most hilarious :D :D :D

[modlac21]

my personal favourite: the higgs boson one lo ^-^

[Zimoria]

OMG I love this video. ^_^

I understood all the jokes, but I embrace my nerdiness.

[TheClairCat]

lets take all these bad chemistry jokes, and barium

[BattleHard101]

4 is the best

[Pwnzerage14]

Do i know any jokes about sodium? Na

I hate telling jokes about the noble gasses, there's never a reaction.

[Ajboi89]

I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes

[theycallmebobFOO]

@Ajboi89 I thought it was DNA polymerase.

[Zeteticize]

I think I just got mind Fucked....

[AmeliTraining]

Your ass is so fermium it's radioactive

[GildedWildebeest]

Oh dear, I'm a humanities student and most of them would probably react like that -__-

[sunjetprime]

thirty one and twenty nine are among my faves.

[Hydmeganne]

30 is my favourite.

22 does not work because the glass is not on a quantum scale.

[shallowseal]

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

[dhsnowbordlife7]

@shallowseal i understand binary because i take computer classes but i dont understand the joke

[DirectNix]

@dhsnowbordlife7 10 binair = 2 Dec. I think you now why, otherwise study harder.

[SupaMarioX]

@shallowseal Ah.. I wish I was nerdy enough to understand why this joke is funny. D:

[TheMatthewSmythShow]

25????



[FreeHugsAndPeeps]

@TheMatthewSmythShow You probably have two legs, but some people have 0 or 1 leg. So the average number of legs is around 1,9999999, and therefore you have an above average number of legs.

[MashaSobaka]

@TheMatthewSmythShow Some people lose their legs in accidents or are born with only one. Therefore they lower the average number of legs by an itty bitty amount. It's not much, but it lowers it enough so that those of us who have two legs have an "above average" number. Make sense?

[go0g1e]

There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand all the 32 jokes and those who do not?

[workescapist]

23 : howmany froi... what? does it need?

[workescapist]

what is number 14? -give me 10 times the what?

[chizomni]

I didn't get all the jokes which means I'm not a nerd :D

[MissingMersay]

If I was sin2(x) and you were cos2(x) we’d be 1. (you know cause sin2(x) + cos2(x) = 1)

[evcoproductions]

i got all of them except the average number of legs, that one could be explained by a sexyfacer?

[donaldduckftw93]

@evcoproductions i dont know what a sexyfacer is so im might be embarassing myself right now, but the reason it works is that most people have 2 legs but some have only 1 or none, ergo the average number of legs is something along the lines of 1.999999...

[RobotKing27]

Homestar runner poster ftw!

[BOOBERFRAGGLELOVER]

You know what I like more the D.F.T.B.A/ D.F.T.B.G1 dont forget to be groovy! Lets all bring groovy back!

[KawalaP]

30,31

lol

[MrLeviathan34]

Best. Poster. Ever.

Hank, you are amazing

[MrLeviathan34]

@MrLeviathan34 Excuse me, *postersssssss 0.o

[hopeful432]

27, 28, 30, & 31 = FTW

[KatieM7fan3]

I have a bad joke

well you mamma so old her girth inspired the wheel!

Thank you for reading

[shoeib123]

i dident get any of them 

[savethemetal97]

i laughed way too hard :3

[KatieM7fan3]

I don't get 24. :/ 

[runner94xc]

@KatieM7fan3 Descartes said I think therefore I am, so by "thinking not" he no longer exists



[bloodybookworm]

Me and one of my friends got all of these jokes. We tried to tell them to everyone at our lunch table...didn't get quite the same response.

[ThoughtPro]

17!  LMFAO

[transparentjellyj]

I dont understand the one where he said "Now you may think that the glass is half empty and you may think the glass is half full but engineers know that the glass is accually two times larger than it needs to be" Can someone help me out?

[ScabeiathraxUK]

@transparentjellyj If the glass is only half full, then the rest of the capacity of the glass is wasted. An engineer would want the glass to be the correct size to contain the quantity of water.

[Lovedrawing1]

@transparentjellyj The whole part or just the "engineer"-part? I'll explain the last one now :). You could say that the cup is "half full", but you could also say that the glass too large. The glass only needs to be half its size, to contain the liquid. Did I explain it well enough? :b

[transparentjellyj]

@Lovedrawing1 Yes! Thanks for explaining it for this half-nerd!! :D

[0manderijn0]

you must be my cryptonite

because my knees are going weak

[HolyApplesauce]

These were some of the funniest science jokes I heard in awhile

[1601shannabee]

Homestar Runner poster ftw!

[katt1987]

us nerds huh! xDD

[missjoccoaaellice]

31 made me laugh ;) Hahaha "Well I do now!?" ;)

[inspectork499]

24 is so epic! XD

[BoredomIsFail]

Can someone explain 22 to me? :)

[cking636]

@BoredomIsFail Heisenberg uncertainty principle. Now use teh interwebz.

[DrKiwi61]

@BoredomIsFail some liquid will be left in the glass!

[Beacuzz]

19-22,and 25. 25 is my all time favroite (majority of pepole have above avarige # of legs)

[killerx611]

Video froze at @2:29 now that's a pretty interesting picture.

[kaikiyukionna27]

16 and 18 have me rolling every time.

[aleccim15]

This was halarious

[ambrosiathe1]

31 a very close second

[ambrosiathe1]

27

[katiekoco]

hahaha schrondinger's joke was great.

[theChickensaur01]

What do I and neutrinos have in common?

WE'RE BOTH PENETRATING YOUR MOM

[wojustwo]

Homestar runner poster!!! YES!!!

[MrPenoyboy]

the to whom one sounds better if you say it like a correcting asshole haha

[edd4400]

this is shit

[770ags]

I like funny stuff and i like nerdy stuff

[paintballandpetunias]

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE POSTER IN THE BACKGROUND?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? would someone pretty please tell me, much appreciated, thank you.

[fedorakitty]

30/31 was hysterical!

[ThousandthMilePK]

As a nerdy high school senior, I loved these. 23, 28, and 30/31 were without a doubt the funniest.

30/31 will now be my go-to joke. Thank you so much.

[PowerXeta]

why is tobuscus a nerd?

[lizafriz95]

Imagine how many points it took to make7up

[bOOkwOrm966]

Okay, I scrolled down and saw about 3 people say that they are thirteen and they got these jokes. Chances are, you don't actually get all of these jokes, and if you do. No one cares if you are "BTW, i'm 13". It doesn't make you sound cool or impressive, but hilarious jokes :)

[kitkatzinix]

I got all of these jokes and I am 13 years old, wow I'm a nerd!

[TomasDraper]

@kitkatzinix same!

[FudgeAndKisses]

@kitkatzinix haha me too xxx

[kitkatzinix]

Two twins are called indigo and violet, are they Chinese?

[Simplebeing2435]

15 and 17. and 22. My sister is a physicist. I showed her this and she said ut was true.

[crazyjorge2111]

nerds on this vid

[SpanTheWorld14]

31

[bluenelephant]

@pharlap1234 @iRaaaGexHD um, it's because if you take the number of human legs in the world and divide by the number of humans (to find the mean, which is one way to measure average) you will end up with a number slightly less than two, since lots of people are missing one or both legs compared to the number of people with more than two legs! (no penises involved lol) :D

[WeepingSpectre]

31 was the best.

[whostolemywaffles1]

lol my faves were "there are two types of people in the world. those who can extrapilate from incomplete data....." "so argon walks into a bar and the bartender says "we dont serve noble gases here!!" and the argon doesn't react" very funny and i'm very impressed with your knowledge :) btw i am 13

[grunt24o]

I was gonna say a chemistry joke but all of them argon.

[SwiftFitz]

now that ive read will grayson will grayson that last joke makes complete sense.

[thatjamesfacekid]

And while everyone argues about how much water is in the glass

I like to drink the water

[ClassicDominique]

The English/grammar/writing-relate­d jokes made me laugh the most.

[stormingsharks]

if anyone calls you a nerd, just say to them "i like being a nerd. it just means im smarter than you"!

[PizzaSquid020150370]

25



[caseysbacon]

HAHAHAHA i do now! XD

[sootyhoots]

the exponential growth of my natural log... he is so cool

[kittielover5678]

omg Homestar runner poster!

[charmandurrful]

...damnit I laughed.

[Tagrei1986]

love these jokes

[QueenToKingOfSpades]

28 fucked with my mind

[JeMappelleHannah]

I understood about three quarters of these, the ones I understood: very funny!! :)

[AdamCenteno]

I loved the one with Spock. XD

[FourthDimensionPyro]

Why do you keep addressing me directly? It's a little disconcerting.

Anyway, I love these!

[NeutronHex]

3:01 LOL

[NeutronHex]

lol I cant believe I understand every single joke!

[sunso68]

11 and 24 ;D

[beccaj101101]

17 :D