He's not offering a complete guide to parenting... he's just saying be fair to your kids. How do those two end up with the top comments anyway? And if you learned anything new about parenting from this video you should probably not have kids.
As a parent and a teacher I have turned to this video many times. As a teacher it's inspired me to give kindness and remember that there's a sensitive human being inside of every struggling student. As a parent it's given me perspective on when to intervene and when to let things be. I first saw it almost ten years ago and since then have watched it every few months just to remember how important it is to generously give positive attention to all children.
The solution isn't to give them more chips, that way they will always depend on other people to have self esteem. We should teach them to find the value within themselves, not outside.
@Leptomaca i agree. but i think this video is focused on those kids that are in primary or secondary school, when they´re still developing their self steem. When you are a kid, you need this kind of stimulation, especially from parents and teachers. So, when you´ve become an adult, you just wont have the need for this.
@tordajav When my daughter was little, besides love and encouraging, when she cried because someone called her stupid, I asked: are you stupid? she answered: no. Then, why are you crying? - I tried to teach her to be analytical, so that she learned to analyze herself, know herself and differentiate between a reasonable critic and a meaningless one. The thing is that I'm buddhist, so I believe in trying to see things as they really are, without prejudices. Now she's 18 and happy. Worked for us.
La vida emocional no puede depender 100% de los demás porque así nos condenamos y condenamos a nuestros hijos a la infelicidad, a no estar nunca saciados. Es más fácil enseñar a vivir con menos fichas externas y a que fabriquen las propias. La cultura actual -decadente- quiere hacernos creer que la felicidad depende de otros, de las fichas que otros no den, que necesitamos más fichas de las realmente necesarias para vivir bien. Ser ejemplo de vivir con menos fichas y generar las propias.
Es un fino equilibrio entre darle confianza para que crea en si mismo y progrese y hacerle creer que puede hacer lo que sea sin medir las consecuencias. Me parece una muy buena analogía.
We watched this in one of my early childhood classes last week and it really resonated with me. So glad I watched it, not only did it teach me about myself, but also to make sure I do the right thing for my own daughter.
He's not wrong--but the segment dodges teaching kids to EARN their poker chips.
Equip the child to defend against esteem-vampires.
But teach that "Someday, a boss will reward whomever gets the most right answers, has better ideas, works hardest, motivates teams, and communicates best."
Kids need real tasks that earn them the "poker chips" of a graduated allowance, movies, the new iPod. (And sometimes penalties.)
False "tasks" only stroke ego, they don't build character or skills.
Kids must learn EARLY to EARN respect. THAT will raise self-esteem. Modern psychology praises kids just for waking up, or arriving in class. In a job, bosses won't do that!
Kids can earn respect by good grades, creativity, good deeds, great skills, sports, etc.
But life requires EFFORT and RESULTS to get respect. THEN you have self-esteem.
Tip: And when you find someone who always tries to slam you down, avoid them. They're mentally sick, and they will ruin your positive outlook on life.
@DataRelater No, but it's a really good way to mold someone into becoming externally focused for approval (i.e. insecure but obedient ... a good soldier or corporate/intellectual slave) as opposed to being focused on what they find enjoyable and deriving pleasure/enjoyment from that.
@DataRelater From Copernicus to Richard Feynman (Cal Tech); from Francis Collins (head of human genome project and dropout) to Steve Jobs (Apple Computer, dropout) to Bill Gates (Microsoft; dropout) to Mike Lazaridis (BlackBerry/RIM; dropout) to Mick Jagger, people who are innovators and "their own person" are certainly not concerned with getting applause from others, my friend.
@DataRelater I don't think you understood the message. You need to reflect on your knowledge and experience in working with or having kids with special needs and behavioral differences. If you give more poker chips (positive feedback), you will find every child and every person will be motivated to earn those poker chips!
Good analogy, but don't miss the point: analogies are ways to simplify reality, and may fail, because they're are not reality. And I have to disagree with the idea of getting selfsteem depending on good things happening to you. Don't we have any role in it? Is it uncontrollable? That's not true, you are forgetting the processing of the child. Look at the ones that are unlikely to have many poker chips, but they have. Loom at the resilient ones that succeed in an adverse environment.
Alfie Kohn great guy on this w w w . alfiekohn . o r g / books. h t m but would say also the environment and this system with scarcity and inequality also.would say check out zeitgeist:moving forward peace.
This clip was the basis for our summer camp. The only problem with this is that you also should give them false hope too but then again, everyone can succeed if they believe in it
I've seen his videos at my kids school.And started using his methods.WOW!!!What a difference!!Whew,I thought my kid was never going to change his behavior.Great material!
Okay man.. No Problem I'll hook you up my FTP name is manacom6524 :D
And yes
Ya might have saw people sharing on their FB walls currently you should now sign up usin the code SPECIALS @ Full Tilts web site.
The best trick to acquire some easy money to play with. They will DOUBLE your first deposit also multiple other amazing perks. Sucks but its limited to the first 2500 players that sign up with this
I watched this 15 years ago and it was the ah ha moment of my life as a parent...It was the most powerful thing I have ever seen. I l have tried to find it again for the last 15 years...at this moment I just found it! Not only that but at the most critical moment of my childs senior year! Thank you this is an amazing gift from above....Please world have every teacher at every school watch this..
This is a pretty good analogy but it doesn't represent the big picture -- kids need more than self-esteem. They also need discipline, goals, problem solving, and host of other physical, cognitive and social skills in order to be able to thrive.
Last but not least, they need the strength to know what's important no matter what others may say -- so they can stand up for themselves (and others) and *not* take such a hit to their esteem when they encounter difficulties.
Ever hear about referral codes? Me never until a week ago I made big cash from it with no sweat atall. Just used the code FILM at Full tilt poker and got $ 600 money! Poker was new for me but now I understand it cuz was easy to
Me gusto el video... y pienso que si esto lo aplicamos desde edades preescolares el paso por la adolescencia seria mas tranquilo... y asi.. los padres y docentes estariamos cumpliendo con la mision que se nos ha encomendado... A llenar de poker chips a quienes tenemos a nuestro alrededor!!!
When I first heard this about 8 years ago I guess I found it a profound articulation of my own experience and a way to also better apreciate a number of others who shared a similer experience and yet I have not always apreciated the common experience we face one captured so well by the poker chip analogy and the idea of kids living from one high steakes game of self esteem to the next.
mm I have a daughter with problems of learning styles and this was a great lesson for me, I hope that from now on you can give all the poker chips and she needs to acknowledge that times and almost always remove them, not anymore I love my daughter but with my attitude does not seem that that will take off their poker chips instead of giving them, but after watching this video I recognize my mistake and I'll change
Very simple metaphor, but it works perfectly. It's really true. I know, as a somewhat shy person, sometimes it's really like holding on to those chips because you don't want to lose the few ones you have.
Los niños son como las semillas de un fruto; algunos caen donde la rierra es fertil y crecen bien desarrollados. otros caen en tierras fertiles pero sin cuidados y se desvian. otros caemos en tierras esteriles y los que logramos algun exito en nuetra vida nos ha costado muchisimo mas de lo que quisieramos haber batallado.
Los menos afortunados ni tierra les tocó o cayeron en pedregales o simplemente no cayeron.
despues de todo trascendemos atravez de todos aquellos que tocamos .......
Loved this one! it works for any person actually, they don't have to be disabled, in order to have a low self steem. they can very timid, shy. etc. etc.
JESUCRISTO ME HA DADO TODAS LA FICHAS POSIBLES EN MI VIDA....PUES ME AMO DE TAL MANERA QUE DIO SU VIDA EN RESCATE POR LA MIA.....ESO ES DAR....ENTONCES ES POR ESO QUE NADIE ME PUEDE HACER LO SUFICIENTE COMO PARA DISMINUIR LA CANTIDAD DE FICHAS EN MI VIDA......NADIE ME PUEDE DEJAR EN CEROS...MI VIDA REALMENTE COBRO VALOR CUANDO SUPE QUIEN ERA EN CRISTO Y LA CALIDAD DE VIDA QUE SOLO EL PUEDE DAR,...EL DIJO: YO SOY EL CAMINO, LA VERDAD Y LA VIDA.........
@9833jlu muy buena reflexion, pero recuerda qeu hay peuqeñitos que "recibir por igual" no es suficiente, debemos darle las fichas que mucha gente incluso en la casa propia se encarga de quitarles....saludos...
Excelente!!!! me encanto!!! me movio muchisimo, soy maestra en 2do de primaria y a veces se nos olvida darle fichas a todos por igual!!! que no se nos olvide darle fichas a todo el grupo por igual.
@1missma muy buena reflexion, pero recuerda qeu hay peuqeñitos que "recibir por igual" no es suficiente, debemos darle las fichas que mucha gente incluso en la casa propia se encarga de quitarles....saludos...
This was a great clip. The simple analogy of poker chips is effective and clear and made me think about all the classmates that crossed my path who didn't have enough poker chips and it showed in their behaviors. The best thing we can do for our kids is to help make them feel good about themselves.
He's not offering a complete guide to parenting... he's just saying be fair to your kids. How do those two end up with the top comments anyway? And if you learned anything new about parenting from this video you should probably not have kids.
DaSupaFoo 2 months ago
As a parent and a teacher I have turned to this video many times. As a teacher it's inspired me to give kindness and remember that there's a sensitive human being inside of every struggling student. As a parent it's given me perspective on when to intervene and when to let things be. I first saw it almost ten years ago and since then have watched it every few months just to remember how important it is to generously give positive attention to all children.
jastanotheruser 4 months ago
The solution isn't to give them more chips, that way they will always depend on other people to have self esteem. We should teach them to find the value within themselves, not outside.
Leptomaca 6 months ago
@Leptomaca i agree. but i think this video is focused on those kids that are in primary or secondary school, when they´re still developing their self steem. When you are a kid, you need this kind of stimulation, especially from parents and teachers. So, when you´ve become an adult, you just wont have the need for this.
javieracing 4 months ago
@javieracing I think your perspective about children this young is right, I was thinking of older kids
Leptomaca 3 months ago
@Leptomaca Can you please say something more about finding the value within ourselves?
tordajav 3 months ago
@tordajav When my daughter was little, besides love and encouraging, when she cried because someone called her stupid, I asked: are you stupid? she answered: no. Then, why are you crying? - I tried to teach her to be analytical, so that she learned to analyze herself, know herself and differentiate between a reasonable critic and a meaningless one. The thing is that I'm buddhist, so I believe in trying to see things as they really are, without prejudices. Now she's 18 and happy. Worked for us.
Leptomaca 3 months ago
@Leptomaca Thanks a lot for sharing this with us! Its just that I'm really into this subject these days, digging some things... :)
tordajav 3 months ago
Such a brilliant analogy. Everyone should have a chance to watch this.
ChelseaBeanstalk 7 months ago
Excellent video! A must for ALL parents to see...
3kidmami 7 months ago
La vida emocional no puede depender 100% de los demás porque así nos condenamos y condenamos a nuestros hijos a la infelicidad, a no estar nunca saciados. Es más fácil enseñar a vivir con menos fichas externas y a que fabriquen las propias. La cultura actual -decadente- quiere hacernos creer que la felicidad depende de otros, de las fichas que otros no den, que necesitamos más fichas de las realmente necesarias para vivir bien. Ser ejemplo de vivir con menos fichas y generar las propias.
paulachina 8 months ago
Es un fino equilibrio entre darle confianza para que crea en si mismo y progrese y hacerle creer que puede hacer lo que sea sin medir las consecuencias. Me parece una muy buena analogía.
killerbuyito 8 months ago
We watched this in one of my early childhood classes last week and it really resonated with me. So glad I watched it, not only did it teach me about myself, but also to make sure I do the right thing for my own daughter.
XkukolX 9 months ago
He's not wrong--but the segment dodges teaching kids to EARN their poker chips.
Equip the child to defend against esteem-vampires.
But teach that "Someday, a boss will reward whomever gets the most right answers, has better ideas, works hardest, motivates teams, and communicates best."
Kids need real tasks that earn them the "poker chips" of a graduated allowance, movies, the new iPod. (And sometimes penalties.)
False "tasks" only stroke ego, they don't build character or skills.
DataRelater 9 months ago 5
@DataRelater I didn't some things that you just said. I'm interested in knowing about it. Could you explain it to me in another way?
8DeaD7 8 months ago
Kids must learn EARLY to EARN respect. THAT will raise self-esteem. Modern psychology praises kids just for waking up, or arriving in class. In a job, bosses won't do that!
Kids can earn respect by good grades, creativity, good deeds, great skills, sports, etc.
But life requires EFFORT and RESULTS to get respect. THEN you have self-esteem.
Tip: And when you find someone who always tries to slam you down, avoid them. They're mentally sick, and they will ruin your positive outlook on life.
DataRelater 8 months ago
@DataRelater No, but it's a really good way to mold someone into becoming externally focused for approval (i.e. insecure but obedient ... a good soldier or corporate/intellectual slave) as opposed to being focused on what they find enjoyable and deriving pleasure/enjoyment from that.
DRClaymore 8 months ago
@DataRelater From Copernicus to Richard Feynman (Cal Tech); from Francis Collins (head of human genome project and dropout) to Steve Jobs (Apple Computer, dropout) to Bill Gates (Microsoft; dropout) to Mike Lazaridis (BlackBerry/RIM; dropout) to Mick Jagger, people who are innovators and "their own person" are certainly not concerned with getting applause from others, my friend.
DRClaymore 8 months ago
@DataRelater I don't think you understood the message. You need to reflect on your knowledge and experience in working with or having kids with special needs and behavioral differences. If you give more poker chips (positive feedback), you will find every child and every person will be motivated to earn those poker chips!
bromilee 2 months ago
Great. Loved it. Allways thinking about my childs wellbeing. Thanks a lot. Dolores from Argentina.
Lolamolina1978 9 months ago
Tell your kids the house always wins: over 9000 poker chips
EduardoChapa 10 months ago
Excellent it Made me think
ntabchi 11 months ago
Good analogy, but don't miss the point: analogies are ways to simplify reality, and may fail, because they're are not reality. And I have to disagree with the idea of getting selfsteem depending on good things happening to you. Don't we have any role in it? Is it uncontrollable? That's not true, you are forgetting the processing of the child. Look at the ones that are unlikely to have many poker chips, but they have. Loom at the resilient ones that succeed in an adverse environment.
messaprop 11 months ago 4
Someone should show this to the NZ government - as a teacher, it is not fair to the kids, to the teachers, to the parents
MelanieCates 11 months ago
Alfie Kohn great guy on this w w w . alfiekohn . o r g / books. h t m but would say also the environment and this system with scarcity and inequality also.would say check out zeitgeist:moving forward peace.
Katharsis540 11 months ago
This clip was the basis for our summer camp. The only problem with this is that you also should give them false hope too but then again, everyone can succeed if they believe in it
Gollywog 11 months ago
@Gollywog realists suffer from the same ailment as pessimists. better have false hope than to know your limits
vikula1 11 months ago
I've seen his videos at my kids school.And started using his methods.WOW!!!What a difference!!Whew,I thought my kid was never going to change his behavior.Great material!
cooksontrains 1 year ago
this my prime teacher . he teaches me the skills that i should have to be an useful teacher and to be a good mummy!
i admire his thoughts and his way to deal with sociaL and education problem that every kid could have!
MayMonroo 1 year ago
Anyone have some spare chips I could have
TheLordofShell 1 year ago 2
@TheLordofShell Richard Lavoie
MrKlein17 1 year ago
¿Alguien sabe el nombre del ponente, por favor?
Estrella888 1 year ago
@Estrella888
RICK LAVOIE
MARIANEMETH 1 year ago
Comment removed
MrKlein17 1 year ago
Thank you very much for this! I really cried and cried! THANK YOU AGAIN!
yameganaronminombre 1 year ago
Jesus Christ gave me all my poker chips back... with interest. So steal all you want from me. I know where to get plenty more.
callingheyzeus 1 year ago
awesome!
OwenPeerson 1 year ago
Wow, every parent, teacher, counselor, principal, cafeteria lady and every one period, should have the opportunity to listen to him. Outstanding!!!
tubedonu 1 year ago 2
Wonderfull!!!!!!!!
prysrdr44 1 year ago
fuking great analisis g!! simply great! now lets try to get some chips!! boyakaaa!!
MrGepone 1 year ago
Me suscribo al culto de los POKAR CHIPS!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!
bluehoneycomb 1 year ago
@hillith8950
Okay man.. No Problem I'll hook you up my FTP name is manacom6524 :D
And yes
Ya might have saw people sharing on their FB walls currently you should now sign up usin the code SPECIALS @ Full Tilts web site.
The best trick to acquire some easy money to play with. They will DOUBLE your first deposit also multiple other amazing perks. Sucks but its limited to the first 2500 players that sign up with this
NegreanuDan33 1 year ago
I watched this 15 years ago and it was the ah ha moment of my life as a parent...It was the most powerful thing I have ever seen. I l have tried to find it again for the last 15 years...at this moment I just found it! Not only that but at the most critical moment of my childs senior year! Thank you this is an amazing gift from above....Please world have every teacher at every school watch this..
Kathyscv 1 year ago
This is a pretty good analogy but it doesn't represent the big picture -- kids need more than self-esteem. They also need discipline, goals, problem solving, and host of other physical, cognitive and social skills in order to be able to thrive.
Last but not least, they need the strength to know what's important no matter what others may say -- so they can stand up for themselves (and others) and *not* take such a hit to their esteem when they encounter difficulties.
smacknig 1 year ago 2
coincido con ustedes es excelente video, alguien que me diga el nombre de la persona que lo presenta? gracias...
jluisrdzg 1 year ago
Por favor!!! A repartir fichas!!!
grupolosunicos 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Ever hear about referral codes? Me never until a week ago I made big cash from it with no sweat atall. Just used the code FILM at Full tilt poker and got $ 600 money! Poker was new for me but now I understand it cuz was easy to
CameronLewes 1 year ago
Oh Man stop crying. Get tough
genron187 1 year ago
Me gusto el video... y pienso que si esto lo aplicamos desde edades preescolares el paso por la adolescencia seria mas tranquilo... y asi.. los padres y docentes estariamos cumpliendo con la mision que se nos ha encomendado... A llenar de poker chips a quienes tenemos a nuestro alrededor!!!
Karla261478 1 year ago
When I first heard this about 8 years ago I guess I found it a profound articulation of my own experience and a way to also better apreciate a number of others who shared a similer experience and yet I have not always apreciated the common experience we face one captured so well by the poker chip analogy and the idea of kids living from one high steakes game of self esteem to the next.
ryr1974 1 year ago
mm I have a daughter with problems of learning styles and this was a great lesson for me, I hope that from now on you can give all the poker chips and she needs to acknowledge that times and almost always remove them, not anymore I love my daughter but with my attitude does not seem that that will take off their poker chips instead of giving them, but after watching this video I recognize my mistake and I'll change
doubled1961 1 year ago
@doubled1961 congratulations and do your best with your angel every day, bye!
jluisrdzg 1 year ago
Me encanto!! 150 mil poker chips. Saludos.
marilupeamin 1 year ago
Te voy a poner fichas por este comentario ;D 5 mil fichas jajaja y 10 fichas por ponerte manita hacia arriba ;)
orta87 1 year ago 2
Simplemente, excelente, maravillosa forma de hacer reflexionar a los qe tienen la bendición de ser paderes :-D
MEXICOLOMBIA1 1 year ago
Gracias...por estos consejos
Arletpv 1 year ago
gracias buen video
simple2022 1 year ago
wowwwww.....
anasofiajrz 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
ervalsa@hotmail.com
ervalsa58 1 year ago
fabulous video!!! thank you!!!
osm1981 1 year ago
Giving credit to Rick Lavoie
axtuchco 1 year ago
Very simple metaphor, but it works perfectly. It's really true. I know, as a somewhat shy person, sometimes it's really like holding on to those chips because you don't want to lose the few ones you have.
Reint25 1 year ago
Me encanto!
marilupeamin 1 year ago
Muy bueno!!
reaernesto 1 year ago
Los niños son como las semillas de un fruto; algunos caen donde la rierra es fertil y crecen bien desarrollados. otros caen en tierras fertiles pero sin cuidados y se desvian. otros caemos en tierras esteriles y los que logramos algun exito en nuetra vida nos ha costado muchisimo mas de lo que quisieramos haber batallado.
Los menos afortunados ni tierra les tocó o cayeron en pedregales o simplemente no cayeron.
despues de todo trascendemos atravez de todos aquellos que tocamos .......
xocpalli 1 year ago
chingon= incredible, i like it!!!!!!!!!
tachscratch 1 year ago
Gracias por compartir este video exelente que nos puede ayudar a todos en general pero sobre todo siendo padres
charly2172 1 year ago
Muy bueno.....gracias por subirlo.
malg131274 1 year ago
que barbaro millones de bendiciones y gracias por compartir GRACIAS GRACIAS GRACIAS
bellezaabordo 1 year ago
que barbaro millines de bendiciones y gracias por compartir GRACIAS GRACIAS GRACIAS
bellezaabordo 1 year ago
Loved this one! it works for any person actually, they don't have to be disabled, in order to have a low self steem. they can very timid, shy. etc. etc.
thanks for this video
mayi59 1 year ago
Me encanto.... GRACIAS
maxspeed650 1 year ago
ya valio madre
tobby579 1 year ago
JESUCRISTO ME HA DADO TODAS LA FICHAS POSIBLES EN MI VIDA....PUES ME AMO DE TAL MANERA QUE DIO SU VIDA EN RESCATE POR LA MIA.....ESO ES DAR....ENTONCES ES POR ESO QUE NADIE ME PUEDE HACER LO SUFICIENTE COMO PARA DISMINUIR LA CANTIDAD DE FICHAS EN MI VIDA......NADIE ME PUEDE DEJAR EN CEROS...MI VIDA REALMENTE COBRO VALOR CUANDO SUPE QUIEN ERA EN CRISTO Y LA CALIDAD DE VIDA QUE SOLO EL PUEDE DAR,...EL DIJO: YO SOY EL CAMINO, LA VERDAD Y LA VIDA.........
9833jlu 1 year ago
@9833jlu muy buena reflexion, pero recuerda qeu hay peuqeñitos que "recibir por igual" no es suficiente, debemos darle las fichas que mucha gente incluso en la casa propia se encarga de quitarles....saludos...
jluisrdzg 1 year ago
Excelente!!!! me encanto!!! me movio muchisimo, soy maestra en 2do de primaria y a veces se nos olvida darle fichas a todos por igual!!! que no se nos olvide darle fichas a todo el grupo por igual.
1missmaki 1 year ago
@1missma muy buena reflexion, pero recuerda qeu hay peuqeñitos que "recibir por igual" no es suficiente, debemos darle las fichas que mucha gente incluso en la casa propia se encarga de quitarles....saludos...
jluisrdzg 1 year ago
WOOOOOWWWW !!!! EXCELENTE VIDEO!!!!! OJALÁ TODOS LES DIERAMOS MILES DE FICHAS A NUESTROS HIJOS TODOS LOS DIAS !!!!
marcelinapacheco 1 year ago
Veanlo , ES INTERESANTIIIIISIMO......
nataliapadilla2 1 year ago
This is amazing, simple explanation, yet powerful and clear. THANKS!!
averaguilar 1 year ago
I saw this 5 years ago in one of my classes and I have never forgotten it. It's an amazing analogy and it is something all teachers should watch.
Byrlakin 1 year ago
amazing clip ... i saw this in my Managing Behavior class at the
westside regional center
angeleyes4137397 1 year ago
This was a great clip. The simple analogy of poker chips is effective and clear and made me think about all the classmates that crossed my path who didn't have enough poker chips and it showed in their behaviors. The best thing we can do for our kids is to help make them feel good about themselves.
bobboganush 2 years ago 20
Agreed 100%
superangelo128 2 years ago 25
@bobboganush not only kids... to our friends too
XYLagGaming 1 year ago