"It's Time" Finding yourself again after coming out.

[equilibryan]

Thank you for making this. I looked at the video you tagged and it was amazing...I absolutly loved it...thank you for making this channel, I hope one day I can help others just as you are helping me and so many others. Thank you.

[rodgerfox3]

Most people don't think I like other guys because I'm just me. I never really thought I should try and and fit into the gay stereotypes, it just never occurred to me to act any different.. besides liking dangly bits more then internals.

[TheTvstuff]

The name of the hottie in the 'It's Time' video is Julian Shaw. He's an actor, filmmaker and novelist. He has an official facebook page with only 80 people on it, SO unfair. Please look him up and join him. He is so AMAZING!

[ncstu]

I watched the "end marriage discrimination" video. Made in Australia by GetUp, Coming Out for me was so much about sex that the love got lost. When I decided to come out it was because I wanted to be loved and love, Remember that all things pass, lust, desire are transitory, love will endure. It is past time for me!

[TheTvstuff]

@ncstu no, don't say that. it's never too late for love. it shouldn't be, shouldn't have to be.

[Jessolor]

That was a beautiful video, thanks for sharing!

[TannerFolgers]

I feel you bro! I hate shopping! Especially for freaking clothes ... I'd rather kick back a draft beer than spend an hour at the mall

[ssimpkids]

I love the short hair! I always grow mine a little long then cut it for a change.

[comingoutnowtogether]

Hey John! "It's Time" I stopped by again!

I love the positive reactions & wanted to add my support for what you're doing! Also, I went to the "It's Time!" video & told them I saw this "on Couver87's channel"

As you know, I’m devoted to bringing LGBT coming out & other stories together, how it affects their lives & how families & friends reacted It reflects how we help & support each other with related issues & challenges! Everyone’s welcome to stop by, check out the playlists, comment & PM me!

[johnpcolemanjr]

I know it's a little late, but I like your bald head! LOL!

[MegaWakizashi]

lol that's what ive been through too, but instead i use my coming out as the key to freedom of mind...i suddenly find myself motivated to do things that i actually give a damn about ( art, some fashion, writing and making photos, videos) and the slow process of balancing my personalities around. Now...for me, ive never had a boyfriend- well had crushes:) But thank goodness i was able to decipher the natural pattern of friend-best friend- maybe lover? Ticket to freedom and wisdom!

[UZERSable]

Thank you thank you for putting good vibes out into the community. Thanks for letting people know that they don't have to let their sexual orientation be the only thing that defines their being.

[Ayyyyy55]

I LOVED the Its Time video. My eyes were fillin up wit tears haha :')

[back2ict]

You know what frustrates me so much is when the gay community turns on each other, being just as hateful to each other as the bigots outside of the community. Being an older gay man, who is naturally shy and not the happiest with his looks, it has been often hard for me to even look for love because of so much judgement in our community. It's good to see openly gay people on Youtube trying to help and encourage.

[karmalevel]

@back2ict you rock1=!

[SamSpade014]

I watched the video you posted a link for, I felt myself well up with emotion. I think alot of us are feeling like that and hope that someday we can be happy too without feeling pressured or discriminated against. I myself am getting out there and am hoping to spend my life with that special someone, why should some silly little piece of paper stop others being together and happy just because of who they are. Not me, I want to fight for my right to be happy =)

[TheFlyygirl007]

Wonderful!!! xoxo

[AlfreRod]

This is beyond beautiful <3

[zbrasss12]

and is also good to see a happy couple like u and zac, it gives hope to keep going :)

thanks for everything and i wish u guys a merry christmas!

[zbrasss12]

I find myself in the same situation: im 17, brazilian, didnt come out yet (i did to my close friends) and im finding really hard to do so because hear in my country we are all expected to be "macho", i dont identify with the gays that i know (unfortunately i dont know a lot of gays) and is kinda hard to find places to know new people in a dangerous city like são paulo... But it was good to clarify that amongst the gay community there are many personalities and different people.

[TheNameIsMaryjane]

Merry Christmas!

[BeBreezyTV]

john, that commercial was soo powerful and overly inspiring! in that little commercial, i took soo much from it. i feel like i need to write about that... not to mention the guy in the video was *sigh* nuff said :P lmaoo, thanks for introducing that blessing to me :)<3

[AngeloNasios]

Excellent video

[roughank10]

Stereotypes really do suck….. but I do love to shop :D

[flame0731]

I was the same way. I mean people knew I was gay but at the same time some found it interesting I liked "straight male" activities. People forget your environment affects your interests. I like fashion but I love off roading and motorcycles. I like and believe I am good at shopping but I love sports (excpet football...yeah I know). I'm a WALKING OXYMORON lol.

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 i am a femme les who easily passes for straight, and i am like you, I LOVE sports(especially football) but also love fashion, makeup etc etc

[flame0731]

@karmalevel a femme les? What's that?

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 A lesbian who is feminine, just like a gay man who is masculine, they do exist!

[flame0731]

@karmalevel Oh haha I knew they did. I think most people do. I don't want to diminish the issue, but I think that it's worse for gay men to be even slightly effeminate than it is for lesbians to be butch or whatever. For whatever reason. Like how when a lesbian couple gets married. Maybe one will were a tux. Gay men typically don't have one wear a dress lol

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 i know, many lesbians are stuck in gender roles! If i wanted a man i would go for a real one who is cute and has a real penis lol

[flame0731]

@karmalevel I'm confused by your reply. So what are you saying?

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 another words, I am attracted to women, not some poor imitation of a man with a bad attitude!

[flame0731]

@karmalevel So you have a problem with lesbians and gay men not acting their "percieved" gender roles?

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 uh yes I do. I believe it is what is killing us

[flame0731]

@karmalevel okay yeah see that's a problem. What's killing us i the fact that we like the same gender not the way we act. I mean there's nothing wrong with you personally liking what you like. You shouldn't have to like "bulldykes" if you don't but to say a gay man acting "queeny" or a lesbian acting buch like is killing us is preposterous.

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 I see what you are saying

[karmalevel]

@flame0731 I am not attracted to bulldykes okay?

[8000daysyoung]

Great video John! I, too, struggled with this when I came out. Fortunately, I have progressed from the confusion and things are better. Keep making videos!

[cjay2]

Great topic and thanks! I recall struggling with the same issue for the first three weeks after I came out, beginning to take on all that campy behavior, then suddenly realizing - "wait a minute, this isn't who I am", and went back to being normal me, except now I was out. When other people said 'oh, you're gay, you should act gay', I just looked at them like they were crazy.

All one has to do is be out. The connections come in time. Folks need to be patient, and live their life.

[zorob5]

Your hat sucks, UA all the way!

[goldskyghost]

Oh MY GOSH I saw that video and I was in Fucking TEARS. SO BEAUTIFUL.

[ninja314]

i love the new look.

[Volvandese]

The funny thing about stereotypes is that, like you mention, they get so ingrained into gay culture that they become internally enforced: "You listen to death metal and you don't like Lady Gaga? What kind of gay are you!?"

[archerspwn]

my friend is bi and im gay. i was hanging out at his house one day and his mom walks out of her bedroom holding two shirts next to each other and she said "which one of these do you guys think goes best with my shoes and belt and pants"... I'm thinking... are you serious. Because i'm gay and your son is bi, you expect us to be fashionable and be able decide for you which of your clothes match the best. I took it as sort of rude on her part. She didn't mean it like that though.

[RaychulTrollieG]

You are the smartest guy ;)

[castcale11]

I like the short hair on you :)

[ironspoon]

awesome video. Just remember we are not gay people, but people who happen to be gay. And finnaly non-gays are seeing us as just people.

[MarkDonovan91]

You are my new hero! Thank you so much for this video. I have been out for two and a half years and I am totally lost in my life at the moment. Thanks for helping me find a sense of direction.

[XsenHellion]

wish there was a magic way that worked to make you skinny its hard to be a stereotypical gay man if your chubby =P

[markwvonderohe]

I think this is one of the best videos you've ever done. Thank you for being an inspiration to not only all the young lgtb folks but to everyone.

[omare22]

Hi @Couver87, first time here.

It's so true and so nice to finally see someone who talks about what really matters, we are G L B T... ok, but first of all, we are people, humans.

I really enjoyed hearing and seeing this video :)

[suyichen890517]

you make so much sense!

[101javelar]

OMG ive seen that video before ive watched it about 3 times. gets me everytime. love it!

[FunnyValentine314]

MWAH RIGHT BACK AT YOU.

Hope it doesn't make Zacharia too jealous. ;-)

[karmalevel]

Being gay later in life is sad and lonely

[MATTDURAN416]

Im currently living in Dominican Republic, and ive been wating to come out to my mom for a long time but i decided to wait until i graduate college and my boyfriend doesn't want to make our relationship known because this is a very discriminating country. and the other day i was on my way to school and i was listing to the radio and they were saying that being gay is just like having down syndrome and or being mentally ill what can you say to that?

[VGameDJ]

What state do you guys live in?

[miscmccoy]

This reminds of the quote from "The Broken Hearts Club:" "You boys are so busy being gay, you forget all the other things that you are."

[justanote7]

You give such good advice, and paint a very clear picture of the normality of who you are. I'm not sure the American public would have any idea what the message is in the the commericial video you suggested. It might 'fly' in Australia or Europe, but the good ole US of A is so stuck on cowboys, football and beer, I'm not sure anyone would 'get it' at all if it were shown during the coveted Superbowl.

[NomadicJAG]

The link made me cry. Lov your insight! Keep it up.

P.S. do want ever you want with your hair while you have it. My purple mohack days are over. Lov, play with it while you have it.

[gustjorodedheo]

I had more of a delayed reaction. I came out Nov '09 to most people I knew and nothing really happened except persecution and depression. When I moved out in Nov '10 that was when the sort of uncertainty set in. I felt like my personality/self was in a great flux, and that everything was uncertain, in addition to being extremely depressed and dealing with my family life. It's been a year and I only feel like I'm starting to get a handle on who I am and what I want, and where I want to go.

[banananinja22]

You have no dislikes, but over a thousand views! That is like unheard of on youtube!!! :D

[Wild20099]

that seems its a big problem to other guys ,unfortunately where I live being a gay guy its about the clubs,drinking ,being promiscuous,one day a guy I was going out with told me he really liked me but I was totally heterosexual to function ,sounds stupid to me if you ask ,but the point is that no matter what other people tells you we have to remain true to ourselves,people have to love ourselves for who we are, thats the key to selfrespect

[Wild20099]

I can feel totally related ,people just want to drag you into the stereotypes I found out that even with gay people I am discriminated for not fitting or acting inside the stereotypes,I am not a guy that likes to go shopping ,I dont even care if I wear the right fashions ,I am not a guy that likes to talk about frivolous stuff ,don´t like to trash other people ,I am not promiscuous and even when sexuality its part of me I am not thinking about sex 24/ 7

[TheDragonite9]

i like bald heads and i think they're sexy

[aLittleGagaMonster]

aww the stockings in the background are so cute! and i love your hair! (or lack their of haha) you are wonderful! love the videos!

[marty1160]

Hey that was really well done, way to go!!

being gay is just a part of you and that should not define you

unless you chose to do that and if you do that you will lose out

on so much more of your true self.

Peace

[sander91nl]

I understand the guy who sent you the question, and I think most of us gone through that. I agree with you John that the media has a big role in how "we", society, see lgbt people. I think it's that way because people who don't fit the standard "gay stereotypes" are more drawn to the background (?) and thus you can't tell if they are gay if they haven't told you so.. In my opinion that's why it's hard(er) for (young) gay people to see others as rolemodels who they can relate to.

[Ctroy88]

another amazing video. always love listening to your advice. im going through that at the moment and your advice really does help me. thanks for making videos!

[STNorry]

Hey! I liked your hair... or I guess your scalp.....And I have to say, that this is the way I feel now, but it's like, I just try to take things step by step. I just feel uncomfortavble a little bit talking about it with people sometimes.

[lwiesmann]

I totally understand. I'm the only gay man I know who does NOT have the "Halloween gene".

[zachariahgriffin]

@lwiesmann What's the "Halloween Gene" ?

[lwiesmann]

@zachariahgriffin Apparently (or so I've been told) every gay man just loves Halloween. In fact, I've been told that Halloween is kinda like New Years Eve to gay men. I just don't get it... Halloween means nothing to me. I just really couldn't care less. Therefore, I say I missed out on the "Halloween gene".

[enjoi946]

I really needed this today, thank you so much for the video and the advice.

[mountgrace]

just wanna take a quick moment because i was a subscriber a few months before i came out and think you were one of the main reasons i was able to accept other people would accept

[mountgrace]

i love the 'its time video' :3

i remember the confusion, i've only been out for 10 months but finally feel i am learning who i am. Mostpeople dont stereotype me because i know they know im an awful shopper haha. I hate the gym, tried it but it was my thing. A couple people do stereotype me but i know who i am and what i want :)

[radicaldreamer927]

For the record, I think your new look is hot. Anyway, I agree with everything you just said; when I came out to my closest friends, I made it clear to one of them that I would NOT make a good shopping buddy... LOL she was disappointed! XD

[kordi1792]

Hahaha xd I know what u mean xd when I've told my friend that eg. I've never been to gay club she was like: "OMG! You're gay and u've never been?!" And I was like I'm into partying, dacing and drinking not fuc*ing all night :P

It happens all the time xd when people know u're gay they think all the gay stereotypes will suit u :P Fu*k them :P we are who we are and who we want to be. Being gay is like John said- one of your characteristics. It doesn't describe all of you ;) Cheers babes ;*

[awesomeness45321]

"It's time" nearly brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing it, it made me laugh, smile, and cry at the same time. Thanks again.

[LondonNano]

I've really missed videos like this from you. So glad you've made a 'traditional' video!

[jaretkady]

I think "It's time" is one of the most beautiful videos EVER. I can watch it on repeat all day!

[ddog5858]

Wise words. The stockings are so cute!

[Couver87]

@ddog5858 Thanks! Its my first Chirstmas living with Z so we had to get some stockings ;)

[MDkid1]

@Couver87 cute stockings are indeed a must for a first Christmas!

[niramrani]

wtf no hair?

but i love you no matter what :P

[cardoman87]

Well said! I am an engineering student, i like swimming, i like Linkin Park and samba (brazilian music), i don't like shopping, i don't smoke, i am not flamboyant, i don't like Gaga nor Britney, i like D&D, i don't have one night stands... So... In what stereotype do i belong? None! I am me! People don't have to belong to any stereotype!

[johnnyflybye]

Oh btw, can you include a link in the description to anything you point to? I watch on my phone so I can't see annotations

[Couver87]

@johnnyflybye Sure. I will do this from now on. ;)

[johnnyflybye]

I wish I could like this multiple times! One of the reasons why I'm not fully out yet

[eddiebertopsp]

Omg I can relate

[mdstudio]

Great video and interesting topic. I think you're right on. I realized that I'm gay later in life so my likes and dislikes were already established. I'd liked a lot of stereotypically gay things and had not cared what anyone thought. Once I knew I was gay I started to explore more gay popular stuff. Some I find I like, some there's still no interest. I'd suggest not being afraid of liking or disliking anything and explore life, just like anyone else. I'm on a site called RealJock and there are

[MDkid1]

I think your wall with the lights and two little stockings is so cute! :)

[miketaylor315]

Great advice John! I think this is something I can really relate to in my life at the moment and as with a lot of your videos, I think this has helped me. All the best John, and the same to Zachariah :) x

[vistatrista7]

I noticed that you cut your hair last video, but I still think you look cute. Happy holidays to you and Zack!

[Flanole]

So well said!! Who I have sex with is not who I am. I am who I am. Too many gays think you have to take on some sort of behavior to fit in just like some straights demand that you act a certain way to make them feel comfortable. Being true to who and what you are is the first goal in life. The old to thine own self be true is the goal in life, not what others, gay or straight, expect or demand you be. Your voice of reason is so appreciated.

[aManOnaJourney]

Brian McNaught's, "Now That I am Out, What Do I Do?"

1.) "After more than 20 years of being out & very active in gay social, spiritual, & political life, I still feel as if I don’t completely fit in. The difference now is that I no longer expect to. And it’s okay that I don’t fit in.

I have been too religious for some gay people/too disrespectful of the church for others. Too butch/ too femme; too radical/too conservative. I’m too out for some and too closeted for others.

[aManOnaJourney]

Brian McNaught's, "Now That I am Out, What Do I Do?"

1.b)

"After many years seeking it, I now accept that I will never get the universal Gay Seal of Approval. It doesn't exist."

[aManOnaJourney]

2.a.)

“I’m still just as gay as anyone else, just as proud, just as feared/hated as anyone else who is gay. But now I feel more comfortable expressing & experiencing being gay in my own way.

We seek a world in which we will never feel shame again. We identify this world as the gay community. But in the process of building this idealized substitute family, we often confuse security with conformity.

[aManOnaJourney]

2.b.)

"When other gay people are not being gay in a way that makes us comfortable, out of our own insecurity, we sometimes attempt to shame them into our image/likeness, just as some heterosexual bullies did to us"

[aManOnaJourney]

3.) "Though we come from every imaginable background, we share the childhood sense that our sexual feelings disqualify us from membership in the heterosexual world of our family and friends.

When we come out of the closet, most of us lose our status in the straight world.

Nevertheless, we believe that once we make contact with the GLBTTQ communities, our isolation, and our feelings of second-class status will end. "

[aManOnaJourney]

4.) "But for many of us, regrettably, our isolation doesn't end, and for some of us there's a sense of a new second-class status. frustrated by their feelings of not belonging? in the gay community. And many of them are at a loss for what to do. "

[aManOnaJourney]

5.) " I’ve finally learned that the key to my happiness is in knowing, loving, & being myself - not in knowing, loving, & being what others expect of me.

My happiness results when I find out & live what works for me.

I'm also happiest when I accept that what works for me will not necessarily work for everyone who is GLBTTQ."

From Brian McNaught's, "Now That I am Out, What Do I Do?"

** apologies for the long quote but? thought it worthy of sharing **

[tomkatke]

The link to the other video did not come through, maybe its Firefox again.

[Fr4yTheStrings]

ps. the hair is good ;)

[Fr4yTheStrings]

That 'it's time' video is the cutest thing ever :). As hard as it sounds, it seems like you should just do what you want to do rather than what people would expect you to do. I suppose I'll find out when I come out lol

[sun20020]

nice advice cuz .... My gay feeling so hard here "In Egypt" and This advice so great and Video "it's time" so good ... I like it how the dream come true by coincidence

.... Thanks for advice although am in 20 ;)

[PridePhx]

I'm so glad I picked his topic (: very good video & advice

[HotMissa]

You give such amazing advice. You're a great person and I'm diggin the new haircut. Give my best to Zachariah.

Hugs

[sketchyinc]

I wish I had someone like you! "Last Night I Dreamnt That Somebody Loved Me",,, no hope no harm, just another false alarm!"--The Smiths

[TheThunderDragoon]

You look cute either way. :D Thanks for linking to that video. It really was beautiful. I really hope they get to show it on TV. Getting it to play during the Superbowl would be even better. It would be the best since that's the most watched thing on TV every year.

[czechivan]

cool lol

[trisshandy]

Luv the skinhead look, the advice and the vid. I've been watching "It's Time" a couple of times a day since they first posted it. Maybe it's just my gay ozzie fetish - I still watch the Matthew Mitcham vids from the Beining Olympics at least once a week.

[HeyGaySailor]

Definitely one your best videos to date. Everything you said was just so right on and each topic you covered is so dense you could make an awesome video for each topic. Also, your short hair is great!

[TheSeanGT]

I like buzz cuts...you're sexy :D

[123moscowman]

I know what your talking about!! It is hard. But life has a way of allowing us to find ourselves and define ourselves. Good video!

[gmh87]

Change *can* be good, but changing for the sake of change is not.

[HahnJames]

You give some pretty good advice. Keep it up!

I wasn't one of those 40 people commenting on your hair. However, now that you mention it...

:D

[trevorpratt5]

John thanks so much for your videos. I missed your vlogs, it's nice to seem them in the subscription box again.

[ThePazzazz]

That Link.... was sooo cute. is like actouly What all young people want. At Least me. rather then just lust. And when i came out.... I just wanted everyone to know. and now something im strugeling with is just... wantign to feel loved. Which no other gay person wants at my age group. And im 16. and i came out last year. :). And what i found was you just need too let people know... is that You and You, Regardless of your sexuality. And they cant expect any diffrent.

[Made4542]

I miss your hair Couver but I love your bald look :D

Love the video!

[ssybrik]

Thanks couver! the video was amazing!

[pickle738]

well im 16 and watching videos like these has helped my plan out what i should do after i come out to everyone.

stuff like this is good preparation for the future

[Acheyltus]

Our institution building ,our sense of collective identity as a community needs to mature beyond a bar culture. This is a painfully slow and difficult transition. I hope that new media eg. what you are doing, pushes this evolution.

[Anaprince]

I <3 your baldiness :)

[queencreekmomma]

I really missed your videos by yourself. This is great. Keep it up.

[jazzman22]

You look cool with the "no hair" style, lol. I like it, I agree with you I am just myself with my interesting in drawing and camping just trying to do things I like. I am not a shopper I just like to go in get what I need and get out, but once in while I like to browse. I think being gay doesn't define who I am if people don't like I feel bad for them because it shows they must have a bad lookout on life sometimes. Have a good week and take care!

[karmalevel]

I want to be normal like straight couples!!!

[oxforddictonary]

@karmalevel I second that. Though, I know we are "normal".....what I think u mean is, you want to have the simplicity of life that str8 ppl seem to have....they don't have to hide, they don't have to lie, they don't have to "come out," their dating pool is waaaaay larger, they don't have to stress THAT MUCH more about Hiv/Aids etc. I feel ur pain, trust me.....i'm still waiting for it to "get better" as it were.....and i'm 27 :-(

[zachariahgriffin]

Great video! I have always enjoyed listening to you give people advice- and I totally agree. It's about WHO you are, not just your sexuality and the stereotypes associated with it. :-) xo

[Couver87]

@zachariahgriffin Thanks baby. Xo

[johntakai8429]

Being gay. Oy vey!

[ZacHansonLover80]

Very good video man, Loved it, "OH You gay?" Can you redesign my kitchen?

[karmalevel]

I LOVE it!!!

[natefrom828]

I have missed these type of videos. Glad to see one again.

Where is the link you talked about?

[zachariahgriffin]

@natefrom828 it is in the video now. :-)

[natefrom828]

@zachariahgriffin Thanks for fixing the link. The video made me tear up.  Love it.

[ZacHansonLover80]

Cool.

[irock1101]

glad to see a good vlog (:

[awkwardanniness]

There's no link silly :)

[zachariahgriffin]

@awkwardanniness the link is there now, silly.

[awkwardanniness]

@zachariahgriffin Thanks c:

[IDH2008]

Another great video :). I totally get what you were saying. I am still going through that stuff lol

[evillord45]

love your videos keep up the good work

[Glitza7]

Love the lights and stockings John =)