my decision to detransition.

[LoveRants4u]

I'm living the Christian Life now, so I'm not a girl now.

[AnnahHinman]

@LoveRants4u Im a Christian Pastor and I'm still a transgirl. I think you found religion in the wrong church my friend.

[thefinewino]

you should do what feels right for you. Good luck!

[farharbour]

Brave , intelligent video

[Annie4Bandit]

Good for you, Sweety. Best of luck to you. Be strong. And please don't listen to some (well, actually superabundance) of assholes in this community. You strike me as a smart person with good judgement and you'll do fine.

[alex80uk]

I have so much respect for you and relate to a lot of things you said!

[on9hockeu]

seriously you look better as a female than a male

[lalindabahiana]

I wish you the best, whatever path you decide. NOw, tell me something honestly. If you had a magic wand and you could look totally, unambiguously female, would you transition? Mind: not look like a pretty transsexual, but look like a genetic female. Most people who de-transition do so because they don't pass

[shipwrecksilence]

@lalindabahiana Even after being off hormones and living as a male for over a year I still often get taken as female so passing has never really been my issue. If I didn't have to pay for all the things that are part of transition and if it happened instantly I might consider it but even then I don't necessarily think I would go for it. I stopped transitioning because I realized changing my gender was not helping resolve my issues. If I were "magically" female I'd still be just as uncomfortable.

[lalindabahiana]

@shipwrecksilence some people ma'am you just out of politeness. It doesn't mean that you pass. Some people might mistak you for a female for a second and then, looking more closely, they realize you are not a genetic female. Most people will tell you what you want to hear. I respect your decision, and I wish you the best, really, but it's amazing how delusional most transsexuals are.

[shipwrecksilence]

@lalindabahiana hahaha thanks for clearing that up for me love.

[DulceJaja]

I feel you. I swear I make the decision every day to continue. Like you I'm accepted either way, and sometimes feel i could be happy either way...I'm sure it's something you still think about though. I don't think that it will ever go away. Learning how to deal with THAT is the key. Godspeed wherever you're at in life.

[sionv2009]

that must be the bravest desition. starting transitioning is one thing and stoping it is quite another. i admire you. :-)

[blickblocks]

I had considered detransition for a period, sometimes I often wonder of this was the right path for me. What has helped give me confidence in my decision to stay on course is knowing that this is MY path, not an emulation of a cis woman's life or another trans woman's. I let myself face my body dissonance (which makes me a transsexual) and my gender fluidity (which makes me genderqueer), both of which I was too scared to do before. All the best to you, I hope you still post videos!

[riverwest1]

I must admit, from a purely selfish position, I'm a little disappointed... In my opinion, you are stunningly beautiful as a woman, and I WISH I could look one 1/10th as good as you do as a woman.

But I understand and support it, as we all have to do what feels right...

And some folks go back and forth (in my case I've been too fearful of not passing that I haven't transitioned (yet).

Whatever you ultimately decide, I'm sure you'll make yourself and the one you ultimately love very happy!

[GeneralBulldog54]

Sometimes stepping back might add perspective on things that could have been missed along the way. It's your decision and your life, live it to its fullest.

[omgitsaaron]

Very interesting. I never put any thought into the possibility that someone would want to stop transition after starting hormones, but that makes total sense about gaining confidence & knowing that you'll be accepted as either gender. There are varying levels of gender dysphoria, if it feels right to you then it's probably the right answer for you. No matter how you choose to reflect yourself, I wish you luck & happiness :)

[Fiorwestcoast]

I'm not too sure how to to take this subject...it reminds me that I was male...and the time I made the decision to become female. However you must remember hormones effect the mind a great deal. So if your mind is happy thinking female then stay on hormones...if you like the sex drive of a male and being dominant then go for it...there are so many changes you have had you may go back...girls see themselves looking good and don't realize the mental ''inner'' change. SO you may one day go back.

[trnylover]

are u a lesbian or a guy. im confused

[shipwrecksilence]

@trnylover yes.

[mzespace]

you look so beautiful. your new haircut is super cool!!!

[dancinglikeagirl]

all the HRT in the world does make you woman anyway, the real girl is on the inside...great to see your being just yourself no matter what. All those pill bottles stopped me from transition for so long till i realized there are other ways of transition. i hope i discover as much about me as you did about you.

[dancinglikeagirl]

@dancinglikeagirl oh crap i meant doesn't lol!

[Fiorwestcoast]

@dancinglikeagirl I disagree...you give an animal hormones...and it will change into the sex you introduced to it...mentally and physically. So no if you have testosterone in you being produced...your mind inside your brain lol is male. I am a TS and I feel before male puberty I was female and after I was male. Not till hormones was I female.

[jennystgirls]

i feel about many things the same as u ... transition is a lot of work and certainly u can spend the effort on other things in life .... that bein said ... u look more female than male now! do u find most ppl thinkin u r a girl?

[xxxseXierIkAF4Grlxxx]

What ever makes u Happy! :)

[aeiouy123]

Aww..~ Best of luck to you :3 Like you said, you can always start back on hormones if you ever figure that de-transition isn't working for you. I feel you on dissonance of relying on artificial hormones to be a 'woman bodied'. Hopefully you don't disappear completely because I've enjoyed your videos, so do come back when you feel like it, whether as a boy, a girl, both, neither or anything in between.

[shamoni8]

so you're going back to being a guy? how does that work? did u get the SRS done? what about the boobs? take 'em out? how does this work?

how are the people around u taking it, cos i'd be confused.

[amrisaloftus]

You don't need to apologize. If you feel the need to stop then that is just awesome.

From one trekkie to you

Live Long and Prosper

[shipwrecksilence]

@amrisaloftus =]

[cmk7]

No need to explain.

You have to follow your heart.

Whatever is best for you.

Good luck.

[shipwrecksilence]

@cmk7 thanks.

[evevoices]

;_;

Best of wishes to ya

[shipwrecksilence]

@evevoices thanks eve. keep the dream of the short haired trans girl alive.

[evevoices]

@shipwrecksilence

I'll do it for you! ^^

[hollyannalove]

well i wish you the best... i hope you might still do some kind of videos, as i would miss you! boy or girl, you need to live true to yourself... but i still like hearing from ya!

[shipwrecksilence]

@hollyannalove Ha well we'll see.

[MasonL23]

I'm still going to impregnate you

[shipwrecksilence]

@MasonL23 As long as you pay child support I guess.

[MasonL23]

@shipwrecksilence I'll see you in court!

[Rjp4562]

I'm sorry to hear that you decided to stop. I can't imagine what the internal struggle has been like for you. I do believe that no matter whether you decide to live your life as a man or as a woman, you'll succeed. I hope that all goes well for you, and that you find what your seeking in life. I wish you the best!

[shipwrecksilence]

@Rjp4562 well thanks. same to you =]

[unmeasuredinstances]

Just sending my best wishes to you....it takes a lot of courage to be real in this world, in any direction you go. May everything ahead be nothing but sweetness.

[shipwrecksilence]

@unmeasuredinstances thanks. you're videos have always been helpful.

[justintimeTM]

Feeling the same. Thanks for the video. Go for itttt!

[shipwrecksilence]

@justintimeTM luck to us both then =]

[NaomiClareNL]

I don't pretend to understand what leads someone to such a decision I do know that you have to do what is good for you and only you know that.

I wish you all the best in your life's journey.

[shipwrecksilence]

@NaomiClareNL thanks =]

[veritas8463]

Whatevers right for you and makes you happy we understand. Best wishes. And it shouldn't take any number of pills to make you who you are or want to be, that goes for more than just hormones and not a comment about just you.

[shipwrecksilence]

@veritas8463 You've been commenting for quite awhile. I appreciate everyone's unconditional support even in a decision like this.

[krazie835]

Hope it all works out for you. Thanks for everything.

[shipwrecksilence]

@krazie835 You've all helped me as much if not more than I could have helped you so ditto.

[RondaElaine]

Losing a sister in the Trans Community is a great loss but living the life you are meant to is more important. GOOD LUCK and our Love goes with you

[shipwrecksilence]

@RondaElaine thanks =)

[tbear2327]

I know everyone has really already said it, but you will be missed, but at the end of the day you are the only one who can decide what's best. Regardless, stay well, strong and focused on the choices that only you can make, but most of all, best wishes for your future.

And remember that if you do decide to re-transition that you know that everyone hear will welcome you back with open arms. ***hugs***

[shipwrecksilence]

@tbear2327 hugs back =]

[samsami10]

I wish you the best.Take care..

[shipwrecksilence]

@samsami10 thank you

[sceirus99]

Good luck :)

[winterwinwin]

You HAVE to do what is right for you, honey. /big hugs/ Don't be a stranger.

[shipwrecksilence]

@winterwinwin I'll def be keeping tabs on all you wonderful ladies.

[shipwrecksilence]

@jesscaralsen I totally agree. I am definitely awesome. =P

[reane100]

Take care and good luck for the future. I am sure that if you do what feels right for you every thing will work out just fine.

[shipwrecksilence]

@reane100 Totally. Thanks. <3

[mia8293]

I have to admit it makes me a little sad :(

But what matters is that you're awesome either way...best wishes wherever your path may lead

*hugs*

[shipwrecksilence]

@mia8293 Don't worry, you can just make up for my absence by posting new videos. =]

thanks.

[LingMistressLizz]

All in all sweetheart... It's your choice! And don't let anyone make you feel bad about living the way you want to! ^_^

All my love to you!

~Lizz

[shipwrecksilence]

@LingMistressLizz Agreed. Thanks! =]

[ftldrdl]

if you create a new channel at least let your subscribers know where you are. either way i am sure you will find the answer that is right for you.

[shipwrecksilence]

@ftldrdl If I get another one going, I'll definitely let everyone know.

[Eopyk]

I wish you a happy life and just follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you to find yourself.

All love from me Jasmine

[shipwrecksilence]

@Eopyk Thank you. I wish you the same.

[MelODinside]

It is a big deal, as you say, and I think continuing to post videos would be very relevant. You are human. And this is a subject/topic that is rarely ever discussed or explored. I wish you the best.

[shipwrecksilence]

@MelODinside I may post at least one more to clear some things up. I'll also probably let everyone know if I start another channel. Thanks.

[malyenkijprints]

I'm proud of you though :] I wish you the best!

[shipwrecksilence]

@malyenkijprints thanks love. =]

[gothique11]

good luck on your journey and I'm glad that you are continuing to find yourself, where ever that may lead. *hugs*

[shipwrecksilence]

@gothique11 thanks =]

[GenderAlchemy]

...wow.

[ShaneWednesday]

I feel, more or less, the same.

I'll be continuing estrogen (I like my body like this..) but I just really don't care about existing in a particular gender role in society.

[shipwrecksilence]

@ShaneWednesday Ha there are things I will miss about the way I look on HRT, but there are things I've missed about myself as a guy too. But yeah I'm just at the point where gender is too silly of an idea to spend much time on. That and when I think about how many guitar pedals I could have bought with HRT money... =P

[msParisxoxoable]

didnt u get breast?What are u gonna do about that babe if ur detransitionin?

[shipwrecksilence]

@msParisxoxoable I'm hoping they'll go away completely. They've already gone down a lot so I guess I'll just have to see.

[malyenkijprints]

@shipwrecksilence They will definitely go away-- my friend's disappeared when she... detransitioned :D

[msParisxoxoable]

@shipwrecksilence o i see,i guess i really dont understand why ur detransitionin,even though u where a pretty hot guy :) But ive heard that after breast developement starts they dont go away unless u get them removed through surgeory.

[shipwrecksilence]

@msParisxoxoable I have heard that they will go away and also that they wont. Supposedly the longer you're on HRT the more likely it is that they'll stay. Lots of stuff with HRT is hearsay though so it's really just a wait and see kind of thing. They have shrunk a LOT for 2 months though and they took a year to get where they were so who knows.

[TechnicolorTypeA]

holy. what a shock.

that's really quite sad.

but at least you found yourself so that's good and also makes your journey not a waste.

[shipwrecksilence]

@TechnicolorTypeA Life certainly takes interesting turns.

[overcastplay]

best of luck to ye

[shipwrecksilence]

@overcastplay thanks

[thexfall]

awh man, no more videos? im gunna miss you. <3

[shipwrecksilence]

@thexfall you'll have to post more often to make up for me.

[thexfall]

@shipwrecksilence Ha im no where near your awesome standards, but I shall try

[dialogue616]

You'll be missed.

[shipwrecksilence]

@dialogue616 thanks =]

[BayAreaBoi86]

I think there is a great video you should watch called:

"Middle Sexes: Redefining She and He"

We are all Rainbows.

[shipwrecksilence]

@BayAreaBoi86 I agree that there is certainly no black and white in all this. It's not so much a gender issue for me anymore though. Like I said, I know I have acceptance regardless of my presentation. It's more to do with personal acceptance. I'll check that out though. =]