Machete Don't Text

[MrSunrise1961]

I love when she crushes the SIM card in her teeth!

[dimsumboy22]

and she would be asked to leave and probably fired

[twilliams805]

i like when he whips the guys ass eating a burrito!! i mean DANG

[MrMoBidnizz]

MACHETE....IS THE FUCKING MAN.

[MrTheAntman]

there would be a second pause before i slapped her as hard as i could

[Yanh14]

stupid woman... she just made a sandwich for him xD

[Hivenik]

1:57 Oh my god, she killed Kenny!!!

[joe5california]

los Trejo' don't text

[BrainChild42]

is that Ben Stiller's wife?

[mattyb1177]

is that stacy keibler?

[shidomurdok]

It took me some time, but I finally have the DVD. I Love you, Machete.

[MrMoBidnizz]

DANNY TREJO YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So good to see him in a starring role FINALLY..!!!!!!!!

[Oukimuni]

gsbtp...we'll fix that.



[omfgroflma0]

1:10 in 1080p is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen

[MPRStig]

Leave SAMCRO alone!

[MrReyes206]

thats some crazy shit

[giordano373]

love how little that boss cares.

[canto1408]

Machete has the answers to everything!

[imfromtambunan]

best boss ever

[errOHneoS]

Why would you ruin such a delicious looking sandwich? =,(

[njahmoon89]

Hey look! She made you a sandwich!

[TheTributeMedia]

1:16 maybe shell defeat him by giving him head!

[seans63lemansSD]

She should've taken a massive shit on the table, while never breaking eye contact with that loser.

[SernaFuckerz4]

As machete would say....

Looks like i served you up a

*puts on sunglasses

CELLULAR SANDWISH!

[Aylon5D]

this sucks..exept for danny trejo

[CA1CWilliams]

and the boss just keeps talking the whole time

[Stup1dG33kz]

My phone started ringing while this was on.

[allexit]

when it zoomed on his i was like"daaaaaaaammmn"

[PhantomSticky]

You know what? I bet Danny Trejo is one of the nicest and most peace-loving people on the planet.

[superbigdaddy117]

Guess its her time of the month..

[DocThrobulator]

Dear god his face is made from orange peel.

[WikiSorcerer]

I love it how the Boss keeps talking and just ignores everything.

[furrysega7]

i cant wait for the sequel, "machete kills" and the ending "machete kills again"

[zazzhands]

at least that bitch knows how to make a sammish

[SpyengoEen]

Wait! Is this Angela from CGR Retro News? MINDFUCK O.O

[ExtremeRyanProject]

what would machete do in a situation like this? well he certainly wouldn't take all his rage out on the guys phone like she did. he would either slice the guy up into sushi if had a machete with him or he would have "improvised" and grabbed the guy doing the presentation's pen and lodge it in the dude's neck.

[JOMAMMA1001]

so what your saying is Machete would siduse him and smash his phone?

[Frostbite864]

@JOMAMMA1001 Learn how to spell "seduce" dipshit.

[kaishaku72]

The punchline is in the title.

[malaspuzvicalnakrpa]

She should shove it in at the other end. With the heel.

[emdeeduboyou]

on the bright side she made him a sandwich...

[WildMaverick1200]

He fucked with the wrong blonde....

oh wait, not really....

[DonPetrushka]

English isn't my native. And I always wonder why he said "Machete DON"T text", instead of "Machete DOESN"T text"? The second one is right, as I know. Could somebody explain me that please?

[Shahin2102]

@DonPetrushka It's english slang, cool talk ;-)

[mauritia]

@DonPetrushka it's because of the slang, it's not the correct usage but because of the "slang" that they use DON'T

[wipandco]

@DonPetrushka Cause it's more badass to use ghetto language.

[draakje799]

Is there or is there not coming a part 2?

[whichDude]

that one dude looks like fogle from super bad.

[aaronredcat]

Stupid.



[Rex1987]

noe that is one co-worker i would like to bang

[metachrom7]

he has a face carved from granite, like some mexican earth god

[cancerofsociety]

lmao gangsta

[trankuser9]

No close ups please

[xxTaKe2xx]

soooo booooring

[joeyXDface]

1:10

HIGH DEFINITION!!!!

[STREETGANGTERS]

My mouth would have open if she cut of his penis

[shoechew]

@STREETGANGTERS

lol?

[CptnChan]

I like how their boss just keeps talking.

[roccobotte]

wow guys

[IsmaelVlog]

EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW 1:09

[toolslave]

Man I wish Amazon would hurry up with my copy!

[MUDSWAT]

I think you all should buy Machete on DVD or Blue Ray now because face it....

...This guy is freaking awesome !!

[LVnthelife]

Cool movie

[AshieeeBeaarrr]

Haha, I've met Danny Trejo [:

[GuruGaming98]

@AshieeeBeaarrr Where?!

[AshieeeBeaarrr]

@GuruGaming98 well i live in utah, and we have a haunted house called Castle of Chaos, He was a special guest that we had working with us for about 4 nights[: our haunt was PACKED because of him.

[pablosabbatini]

@AshieeeBeaarrr That's a lie. If you had, you wouldn't be alive right now.

[CorruptedCorpseSaku]

:D nice ahahaha

[ejicon]

Would LOVE LOVE LOOOOVE to see more of these. Well done.

[TrulyInsaneMovies]

Machete should have cut his stomach open, grab his intestines and jump out of the window using them as a roop and then jump in to an other window and kill 2 guys! Oh, Did he do that in the movie?

[gabyuri]

So... What would Machete do in a situation like this?

Machete is at the cinema and there are people speaking very loud and laughing, there are children running and screaming like crazy. There is also a man like the one in this video, sending text messages and the person who recieves the texts is only two seats back. And finally there is a couple doing something more than kissing each other.

How would Machete solve thhis problem?

[yulbryn]

Lacks of Machete gore!!!!

[kpnda]

No blood ? ... :(

That s not What Machete would have done.. 'Cuz Machete Kills, and Machete Kills Again !

[IceW22]

there seems to be a problem here... what that lady did is almost certainly NOT what machete would do in that situation. He would probably say a 3 word witty one-liner, crush the stupid phone in his hand and then stuff it into the dude's mouth ala bruce lee in fist of fury

[Rantincorporated]

why does it tell you to buy machete on blu ray NOW it doesnt come out until january 4th

[pikasalsachu]

@Rantincorporated maybe he meant a pre-order

[Dk2601]

why didnt she cut off his arm and beat him to death with it?

[freaknastyadept]

There was no violence. Just the cellphone getting it's ass whupped.

[haistavittu87]

Yeah, i was hoping for some office-gore here but still funny.

[tmatte]

She should have cut his head off at the end.

[RevenantCheetosx]

@tmatte Which one of his head?

[FallenExpert]

@tmatte she shudv