Report: Some Sick Fuck Out There Now Supporting Herman Cain Because Of Sexual Assault Allegations

[KillaCam96]

I love the Onion man...

[Left2KiII]

lol 1/16th statue of liberty statue is still huge!

[Subtalvik2]

The Onion's becoming less funny :( I'm a big fan and it sucks to see this happening. Don't get me wrong, this was funny, but their older stuff was much more creative and they used to announce it as if it were real news but here it's just really obvious it's a joke the way he talks especially at the end.

[koolwater97]

@Subtalvik2 I completely agree. i liked it MUCH better when they tried to present it as real news.

[enemay]

Dipshit marketing team, man that kinda makes me want to drink Pepsi.

[ItzEthanDuh]

I like how this is exactly what i did just because im a fucking sick asshole

[AzxE10]

Fuck pepsi....

[Agatahnai]

Sailing around the world to decrease awareness of important global issues...COMPLETELY true.

[Jackofhearts214]

dude! hand drum ftw!

[StudioManic]

I love everything about this Onion report.

[ookami3380]

america. 1on1

[Parnellcakes]

Laughed hard at the hand drum/dreamcatcher option.

[unopinionated]

yeah cos the constitution is actually valid...

[quidnick]

CMON THE ONION YOU PUSSIES MAKE A RON PAUL JOKE. ARE YOU AFRAID TO HAVE A DISLIKE BAR THAT LOOKS LIKE A SITH LIGHTSABER!?

[Legitimatemuffins]

@quidnick wow

[TheSillybeartoe]

Lol Pepsi

[Alientraveler003]

Yeah Pepsi turns you into a fuckin dick

[shawnymac28]

@davitodude I thought INBEV bought them and INBEV is german.

[LilAlfiq]

I'm 10 years old and what is-

Nevermind.

[cartesiaLive]

hahaha those damn rich kids on their boats, about time they got the recognition they deserved... for being assholes

[tarantulady]

I already watched this under a different title.

[Majik1911]

"Said by reliable locker room sources to have a humongous dick" HAHHA

[Greenstorm33]

Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth to the sailing thing. It's amazing what receives news coverage when there's so many more important issues that people could stand to be more aware of.

[dianitapilla]

You onnion guys are extreme

[180DegreeMason]

47 people support Herman Cain

[davitodude]

Not even Budweiser is American anymore. They were bought out by a company in Brazil several years ago.

[NickyAmerica]

Self-Satisfied Little Sailing Shit

^What I think of every prick who travels around the world for no fucking reason.

[OriginMSD]

Thumbs up if you tried to read the article by God.

[bollocks2who]

@OriginMSD LOL!! It was funny!!

[YSKite]

I almost drank Pepsi today, but backed out on the last minute and went for the cup of coffee.

[ERRfilms]

Bahahaha theres a pepsi ad on the side of the screen!

[powerfulSubtlety]

Didn't America already do the franchise thing in Iraq?

[Shenaniganschalbeezy]

Oh man onion news network u never stop amazing me :)

[mbe102]

God the onion is so hilarious.

[DangerousD1551]

I agree. Fuck Pepsi.

[ThriceDog]

coke 4 lyf

[grandeTO9]

RON PAUL 2012!

[EdFromHumanResources]

Politics is shit

[cheapmovies9P]

Guess I'm that sick fuck lol

[noname2useable]

that pepsi cola thing probably actually happened

[GibbyLOLSTFUPLEASE]

definitely not buying pepsi

[pkemrin]

@GibbyLOLSTFUPLEASE Me neither. Fuck those guys.

[orly444]

What just happened

[thekk2007]

ghost from radio graffiti obviously

[milograamans]

Anyone else actually pause the video to read the article by God?

[SocaTrain]

you guys deserve some sort of award

[helloimtom100]

fuck pepsi

[kozelll333]

dont drink pepsi@!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jimmyport]

I love how they settle their score with Pepsi's at the end....

[Nduengo]

LOL! The US is getting franchised? lol!!

[MAYof90]

(ﾟOﾟ)＼(- -;

[TheBrosephius]

@mrchuckmorris See, thats exactly what the onion is about, forget about which side does which, or which side believes what, its just that they both have their faults, and that they can be satirized for our entertainment :)

[SanEmeryFedo]

F pepsi

[SKHSirNicolas]

Don´t buy Pepsi Cola!

[exod4]

why am i still not subscribed to this?

[moldybakedbeans]

@daveforfun22 they have weekly newspapers but only in big cities. They're free so if you spot a box go grab one

[montey1017]

you guys are seriously starting to milk the fuck out of the putting out idea...its depressingly accurate, but still.

[AtibbsSPARTAN]

It's funny because Budweiser is not owned by Americans

[SlaughterMeister]

I seriously want to start my own USA franchise.

I can hang my copy of the constitution above the desk in my windowless office, which can be found just off the kitchen, around the corner from the dish pit.

[tombeeni]

1:38

"Self-Satisfied Little Sailing Shit"

Oh God I lol'd

[burpo]

Ooh!! A dreamcatcher!

[multiplicativegrrl]

Seriously I am so done with Pepsi!

[justmks]

I'm never drinking Pepsi again.  Assholes!!!

[Beagle2063]

these are awesome!

[daveforfun22]

why cant they make an actual paper id order it.

[burpo]

@daveforfun22 I think they used to. I know I used to see the bound volumes for sale at Barnes and Noble.

[FooteProductions]

@daveforfun22 they do.

[daoSabertricking]

these vids are awesome

[gorgeousaur]

I was thinking about paying attention to that economic plan about franchising America, but then I heard about that guy that's sailing around the world in a boat all by himself. How cool is that?!

[PillowDood]

Who else noticed K. Andersons huge bush before it was stated? God I love being a straight male. Suck it homo's, oh wait. QQ

[xJoeEDangerouslyx]

Always Coca-Cola!

I'm drinking a Coke right now, coincidentally. Although in fairness I'm usually drinking a Coke when I'm online.

[insanezenmistress]

@uns33ntr4th yum, dead burnt babies, just like god likes'em. But personally i'd prefere they just let coke go back to the original recipie.

[datzfast]

i fingered Milly up at the duck pond last year, so i was sure she was already putting out.

[1simo93521]

Thanks Onion the sailing story and Thai boyfriend story cracked me up. :)

[Clearie552]

didn't they already do the putting out thing?

[jimmyport]

@Clearie552 is update no they have confirmed now...that she will...

[ThisIsAGreatName]

@Clearie552 But that wasn't a review video.

[TheOriginalPoopBalls]

Young overconfident asshole :P

[MAXBLAYLOCK]

Too bad about the Thai boyfriend. Maybe Dad should fin himself a nice Japanese guy.

[Rulerofwax24]

I really liked the story about a dude sailing around the world. It is really sad that shit like that happens.

[MultiHeartrock]

Anyone know the source of the Thai man image at the end? >_>

[CastlePokemetroid]

@MultiHeartrock Strangely enough, that man looks just like someone I know.

[TehRandomGod]

Words don't give swirlies fat kids with anger issues do, on other news, that girl in the picture already put out 22 days before the picture was taken, old news, new news, fat kid dies of heart attack while giving principle severe swirly, when asked why the principle didn't call 911, he replied, "to busy drowning." In other news, Rick Ashtley now owns youtube for having his song posted several million times, youtube will now be know as, youscrewed or rickrolled for short.

[M3di3v4L]

34 Rick Santorums dislike this video

[kyebean]

dad's new 20 year old thai boyfriend really sucks at scattergories. lmfao haha fucking genious

[rolin600]

Hey, it worked for bill clintoon...

[soulinite]

Fuck you Pepsi. Water is better for you anyway.

[LordEyli]

woah woah woah the issue about the girl "putting out" is a total repost.

[Darw1n1st]

haha, the pepsi bit killed me.

[Simon5005]

Did I miss something?Just exactly when did the F-word become completely acceptable in society to use anywhere and anytime? Just another step toward Americans becoming classless trash, I guess.

[fivefoflow]

@Simon5005 If the word fuck offends you and changes your opinion of someone, then you need to go back to kindergarten. Grow up guy. If you ever had an intelligent thought in your life you'd realize how illogical it is for a word to be "bad"

[Simon5005]

@fivefoflow You and all the others who have insulted me will make wonderful parents. This is partly why children are having their childhoods taken away so early now, because adults are exposing them to adult-oriented things like this. Thank you for your contribution to the decay.

[TackyRackyComixNEO]

@Simon5005 It's not even like these videos are intended for kids, so calm the hell down.

[ARKAtheist]

@Simon5005 childhood innocence is over-rated.

[fivefoflow]

@Simon5005 I just told you cursing was illogical and that it's dumb for an adult to be offended by it. I'm not gonna teach my kids it's okay to behave like adults, and things that are actually adult behavior i will not introduce my children too. You, are a dumb ass, and I hope you don't have children yourself.

[Simon5005]

@fivefoflow I can't even imagine how your mind works...........it's terrifying. 

[PadraikKasier]

@Simon5005; This is the Onion, you twit. Better classless than clueless.

[thegoatboy69]

@Simon5005 Did you miss something? Yeah, PUBERTY. Try using it the way the Scots do. It's not abusive unless you are trying to be abusive. It's just another f*ckin verb or adjective.

[MyOldName]

@thegoatboy69

It kind of defeats the point you're trying to make if you censor the word you're saying is fine...

[thegoatboy69]

@MyOldName It also defeats my point if someone deletes it as "abusive" language.

[jamesarongray]

the funny thing is pepsis probably did pay the onion for that plug at the end.

[jamesarongray]

finally a news network that gets it!

[shakenbake1869]

"young over confident asshole on a boat' lmao

[oldcollegeyouth]

Loved it this one was really funny.

[zerox505]

youtube is starting to look like poop

[Snipe4Life9001]

@zerox505 Yeah, I feel bad for the turds around the world :'(

[davitodude]

The part about the man sailing is so true. 

[BloodHunterHilda]

OMFG!!! THIS ONE WAS SO SHOCKING!!! LOLOLOL!!! It went all the way like Jessica Milly!!!

[TrolliusTrollington]

But I like Pepsi more than Coke...

[Natural11001001]

Teen Zebra doesn't give a fuck.

[MrBubbleKing]

The Onion weekend review on Wednesday? This must mean that the the weekend starts on Wednesday.

No work today!

[jordanthewizard]

I prefer Dr Pepper anyway

[boss1001]

Gold

[Dockerysad]

Drinking a pepsi :)

[snewso]

Too bad Budweiser isn't American anymore.

[LooseLimbsTV]

@snewso Budweiser was originally a Czech beer. It was never american. Like everything else. Including the people (except the indians, but they're dead).

[TheyCallMeGawd]

@LooseLimbsTV you might want to google that, it was started by a german american in st. louis. P.S. thats in the U.S....

[LooseLimbsTV]

@TheyCallMeGawd You might weant to regoogle that and discover that the US imported the beer Budweiser for the first time in 1875. The american company Budweiser magically appeared the year after. The most obvious evidence to who made what first is this;

"Budweiser is a German adjective describing something or someone from the city of České Budějovice (German: Budweis) in Southern Bohemia, Czech Republic"

Wiki

Lawsuits are still running against you-know-who.

[SlowSlowSloth]

Why drink pepsi when you can drink Coca Cola?

[andre51588]

Read it....

[haloman123123]

LMAO OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAA How do you guys hire so many actors xD

[andre51588]

I actually want to read that God article....

[andre51588]

I still love Pepsi...this actually makes me want to drink it more...

[Uskdara]

I work for pepsi damnit now I'm going to have to find a new job.

[andrewclunn]

I just bought a bunch of Pepsi because they pulled their advertisement. I'm also the sick fuck who supports Herman Cain because of the sex scandals.

[NobodysOffTheHook]

@andrewclunn ROFL

[alittleolder]

Not to be that guy but there are too many people in AXXXX anyway

[sstan1337]

There is almost no difference between The Onion and network news currently. Poor Onion, they soon won´t have anything to make fun of anymore:-(

[2dayBlue]

Haha onion is bringing its quality back!

[intrepidorator]

Right, the charges are sexual harrassment, not sexual assault.. the sexual assault charges were against Bill Clinton by Juanita Broderick.

[Hasuris]

oh no a huge bush!

[Vinxian1]

I've always preffered coca colo above pepsi in the first place, so from no on i will never drink pepsi again

[lejdcool]

laughed my ass off at the united states being an operable amusement chain

[bobsuruncle789]

Sexual harrasment not sexual assault. 

[closedcat]

k no more pepsi, dont mess with the onion pepsi

[CvijaFaQ]

What happened to the old Onion news? Maybe I'm missing something as I'm not paying close attention.

[johan404]

@CvijaFaQ Too high budget, they had to fire Brooke Alvarez.

[TheTramsen]

I didn't understand the part with Pepsi

[SicSlaver]

@TheTramsen He's saying Pepsi backed out of a full page ad on their newspaper at the last minute meaning Pepsi didn't want to pay them for an ad. So, don't drink Pepsi.

[ThadKs]

Fuck Pots!

[EmmaDelamare]

I thought the onion was supposed to be satire, aren't all these storeys true?

[Pyritie]

@EmmaDelamare they sometimes take existing true stories, yeah, but they always change them a bunch

[daddyleon]

I want to read the god story :P

[UncleXerces]

Fuck Pepsi

[tadshackles]

Remember when this guy started this series and everyone was talking shit? Well now everyone loves him! We love you mystery man behind the mic!

[jubailblast]

I actually threw the pepsi I was about to drink into the bin :D

[omgimgfut]

@jubailblast don't do that, they already got your money, you're only hurting yourself. just dont buy it again ; )

[Rickardius]

Jessica is putting out now?!

[shadow12533]

I just got told to not drink pepsi while taking a sip of pepsi...

[crazygeek777]

<- the sick fuck

[jeremyshambles]

those rebellious teenage zebra years.....

[KillaTequilla83]

occupy vending machines with pepsi

[Realjhad]

What is real these days?

[texastech777]

Also, another reason to not drink pepsi, they use aborted fetus's to test there flavoring. I am actually not joking.

[Inferno41]

@texastech777 link?

[stigoblogg]

@texastech777 Yeah right.

[teuast]

Best news source ever.

[YumexxxChan]

Fuck Pepsi, tis inferior to cola.

[Koaifications]

@YumexxxChan You're also a horrible person.

[Realjhad]

@YumexxxChan yes one shit smells less than the other one.

[DarkAsSilver]

gilmer is a true american hero.

[Rith9789]

Pepsi fucked up.

[Brust90]

aahhahahahah. Humongous dick

[sshsgrad2004]

Drum > Dream Catcher

[GiantSnail]

Man, Pepsi makes a lot of beverages and owns a lot of companies. It's time for me to become an informed buyer.