Doing Miracles the Jesus Way

[whade62000]

Well it's not -that- difficult to Hollywoodize the scene when you think about it - maybe you start with a small pile of fish, there is some earthquake and rumbling and the plie starts growing sort of building up from underneath. Or maybe like one of those bottomless mug tricks - first person in queue stands in front of Jesus,he hands her a fish from the basket, second person, thrid, and you're like, shouldn't it ran out by now, it's a small basket? But of course, that's the trick,I mean miracle.

[kalirastar]

I love you for your great sense of humor and realistic approach to the bible. Can't wait to see more!

[hairyreasoner]

"I;m gonna need a volunteer for this next...."

You know, really, I think that's about what it was.

[hairyreasoner]

Hmmmmm.....tuna sammiches.....hmmmmm

Maybe there is a god!

[slipcurve]

I always interpreted the feeding of the multitudes as Jesus dividing the bread and fish to tiny, barely detectable little particles so that everyone could have some.

The thing about them being satiated was greatly exaggerated.

[lawbag1]

one thing that always confused me was, bread was cooked and ready to eat, but the fish was raw? does that mean they ate raw fish or did 5,000 people have to light 5,000 fires to cook the damn things? wouldnt it have been better if jesus produced 5,000 fish sandwiches?

[kalsolarUK]

@lawbag1 yep, funnily enough that was a point that I intended mentioning but forgot to slip in there.

[WinteRest49]

I don't think the multiplication of the loaves had anything to do with banana bread, or an implied phallic connotation.

[dameon692002]

You'd think that, two thousand years later, today's magicians would be able to top a Nazarene carpenter. I mean, it's one thing to saunter across a swimming pool, like you haven't a care in the world; it's quite another to hike across the Sea of Tiberias during a tempest! Although, what I wonder about that is, did Prospero decide to take a little vacation away from his island? Pretty poor choice for a vacation-spot: no islands in sight, and he still had to take his work with him!

[dameon692002]

Super-duper X-ray vision... for those pharisees that walked around with their hands over their eyes when they saw a woman walking down the street... XD

[kalsolarUK]

@dameon692002 lol, yeah that would have been a nightmare for them.

[Knightyme]

Where were you when we were paying upwards of $13 Kg for Bananas? You could have made enough to retire on had you come to Australia last year with that. lol.

Well done

[dameon692002]

I love the part where Jesus just saunters through the crowd that's trying to kill him in his own hometown... LIKE A BOSS!!!

Seriously, though, don't you think that people writing a fictional book could write one with a smoother storyline?

[Tylzen]

Note to self: Do not eat and drink while watching Kalsolar's videos. I almost hurt myself laughing, haha. :D Loved the banana part, didn't see it coming.

[sonvolt48]

Welcome back! Much, much too much time between vids!!!!!

[kalsolarUK]

@sonvolt48 I know, I know - I'm workikng on it! lol.

[lizzand]

For the banana trick you need a sign that says "three hours later".

I always see the fish miracle as somebody opening a can of surströmmingand 5000 people quickly disappear.

(you know what goes here)en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/­wiki/Surstr%C3%B6mming

[deemzje]

Great, you're back.

[FindMeInKurume]

Nice banana trick. What's wrong with your sound in this one though?

[kalsolarUK]

@FindMeInKurume mic needs fixing, it was rattling about a bit.

[Spahrep]

Mr Pilot, Mr Co-Pilot. Awesome :)

[roddack]

The banana trick just cracked me up

[TheBoyFromNorfolk]

I can visualise it. He takes the fish and gives a fish sandwich to the first person. And so on, for 5000 people. Exactly like you just did with the Banana's.

[ImpudentInfidel]

Stupid Jewish mind-tricks.

[deathbytech]

and the video is also awesomeness, more than the shirt:)

[deathbytech]

Your shirt referencing WipEout is awesomeness,

[kalsolarUK]

@deathbytech lol, congrats on knowing your wipeout! I almost wish I had a prize to offer!

[ChuckMeIntoHell]

Larry was an Australian boxer, who never lost a fight.

[azmanabdula]

That illusion was F^&KING GOLD!

how did jesus do it?

it must have had the greatest misdirecting skills ever...

"Look over there"

"where?"

"THERE"

*pulls out 6000 fish*

"HERE"

"well done good chap!"

[kalsolarUK]

@azmanabdula thanks for that, much appreciated!

[blackwolf1200]

Perhaps they mangled a metaphor to get to the feeding miracle. What the original could have stated was that the people were all spiritually starving and then he fed them all, while using the ideas of bread and fish to illustrate a point. Some clever zealot simply deleted the parts about metaphor and made it sound like a literal miracle. Or they just kept exaggerating and inflating the numbers, possibly to out-compete the next prophet down the road.

[WineisyourFriend]

I knew it! I knew Magdalene was a wookie!!!!

[tecnoblix]

LOL! I loved the James Randi being almost 30 way back then.

[jkternes]

Hey, how'd you do that banana trick? Son of Man my ass!

[kalsolarUK]

@jkternes lol, same way as Jesus of course!

[GofreMcNoodle]

Does he remind anyone else of Eddie Izzard?

[myjizzureye]

You can palm rubber bananas like a barsted, must have taken you hours in the mirror.

Well done :)

Yet another fantastic video.

[kalsolarUK]

@myjizzureye yep, some people play with fake bananas and other people have a life. I should spend more time on the latter. lol.

[myjizzureye]

@kalsolarUK Never, time very well spent Sir.

[HebaruSan]

lol bananas, lol james randi

[IRONMANAustralia]

Okay, so maybe the blind guy was blind because he didn't have any actual eyeballs. Even God can't make humans without dirt, so he jammed the required amount of mass into the guy's eye sockets and turned it into human tissue. Not so clever now are you Atheist?

[IRONMANAustralia]

As for Jesus not being able to perform ... well ... He swore to Mary Magdalene that never happened to Him before. It's in the Bible ... uh ... somewhere in the back.

Supernatural powers are temperamental like that. It even happened to Uri Geller on Johnny Carson, (thanks to Randi):

/watch?v=M9w7jHYriFo#t=5m37s

[Wrath0fKhan]

And "thats" how Jesus did it and you prove it! Sha la la, lala la la... lol

[pumpstations]

Screw the bible and miracles. The Banana Splits are in tha house!

Tra la la lalala laaaa tra la la lalala laaaaaaaaaaaaaa One Million Interwebs to you!

[naturalistmind]

please make that banana part into a .gif

[kalsolarUK]

@naturalistmind a gif? Hmm not sure how to make them but I'll look into it! lol.

[WildwoodClaire1]

The miracles of the Bible are nothing compared to some of the miracles that didn't make the "final" edit. For example, in the "Gospel of Peter," Peter brings a smoked tuna back to life.

[HonestDiscussioner]

You were thinking? I wondered what that smoke cloud about England was.

[kalsolarUK]

@HonestDiscussioner lol, yep... I try not to think to often, its bad for the ozone layer.

[itsmaxinthebox]

@HonestDiscussioner Smoke cloud? I thought it was all that white froth... >.>

[HonestDiscussioner]

@itsmaxinthebox Could be worse. Could be Santorum.

[apeek7]

Dude, Pipe this… There is this guy who is going to preach out of town. So you pack up some stuff and take off for the gathering place. Now what STUFF would most people take – YES, FOOD…

So, 5,000 people showed up and the organizers pass a basket with some smelly fish and stale bread. They say – IF YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA, PLEASE SHARE… When they are done feeding the 5,000, “And they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments, and of the fishes.” (Mark 6:43). Its a miracle...

[unassumption]

imagine what's happening inside the box or without slide of hand the actual moment the new matter appears that is hard. Did the fully formed fish appear all at once, what happened to objects that were where it was like the air, etc

[rednecktrucker1969]

I wet myself....not because of how funny it was, just FYI. help me, I hate getting old.

Bananna Splits, FTW I used to watch that show.

[bonnie43uk]

Excellent stuff KalsolarUK, made me laugh as usual.

If all this Jesus religion stuff is for real, .. you are in big shit! ( unless god has a sense of humour, but from what I've read about him in the bible, he's not big on humour)

[RadarKat73080]

God must be getting old. 2,000 years ago, he could feed 5,000 people, cure blindness and leprosy, calm storms and raise the dead. These days he has trouble helping Tim Tebow win football games!

[kalsolarUK]

@RadarKat73080 yep, hes either feeling his age or getting complacent.

[TheScheckig]

This is how he did it.

1)He dropped a fish on the ground

2)he walked away

3)he walked back to pick it up and as he was picking it up and before it hit his inventory he pulled a potion off his belt.

4)he drops the potion and it falls to the ground as a fish.

20 nerd points if you get the reference.

[rafaravioli]

@TheScheckig

Diablo!

[TheScheckig]

@rafaravioli I hereby award you 20 nerd points!

Nerdpoints!™ are only good for extension of virginity, May cause loss of libido, poor vision, hairy palms, and extensive butthurtness, void where prohibited.

[Chucifer]

@TheScheckig I don't know man... that's a lot of potions.

[trixapete]

@TheScheckig final fantasy??

[Relativisticism]

@trixapete no it's diablo dupe bug.

[ZergrushEddie]

@TheScheckig Ironic that Jesus would do the same trick that was in a game named after the Devil.

[Atheistprimate]

Know good caterer, claim to be son of god.

[dewinthemorning]

Pleasure, seeng a video from you. :)

WHOALA, four fish! LOL

THE BANANAS! You do trump Jesus, and I like bananas better than fish, so you win!

You had made a video like that before (I say this only to show that I follow your career, lol), but this one is just splendid! Sheer comedy!

Fav'ed

[kalsolarUK]

@dewinthemorning lol, thanks. Plus...you have a very good memory - especially as that other video you mention (which also mentioned the feeding of the 5000) I deleted about 2 years ago! Can't entirely remember why I deleted it...I'm sure I still have it though somewhere.

[Atheeizm]

kasolar... quit work and do more of these.

[kalsolarUK]

@Atheeizm now theres a good idea!

[wimsweden]

Matthew 13:58

"And [Jesus] did not do many miracles [in his hometown Nazareth] because of their lack of faith." That's because they knew all of his old tricks, innit. ;-)

[IcEye89]

Feeding 5000 people from 2 fish and 5 loaves is not a bloody miracle. The guy who crafted the knives they used to cut the things up so small that everyone there got his or her share, he was the real miracle worker.

And does it specify what type of fish? Them whale-shark things are huge buggers.

[kalsolarUK]

@IcEye89 lol, I think you're right on both counts!

[trixapete]

haha class!

hey Kal just thinking, are you a member of the NSS or BHA?

If not why not? If yes, perhaps you could promote them somehow? Be that a mention in a video or whatever. I think its important for atheists/secularists to unite politically.

[kalsolarUK]

@trixapete No I'm not a member of either of those at present, but it probably is a good thing.

[trixapete]

@kalsolarUK

Fair enough. Surprising though.