Sarah Kent goes undercover to capture a married man

[bobski1976]

but as some people preffer to stay monogumus others dont. and if hearts are being broken and familys torn apart. the fact still remains people should know what there doing. personally i cant stand cheating and i know a few who do do it. they never remain freinds for very long.

[bobski1976]

yeah but common scence should kick in and it does take two to tango as they say.

im intrested to know did you expressly during your coversations tell these people you where married and not intrested apart from it being displayed on your profile.

[DrMontague]

It is simply a new way or easier way of having an affair. Perhaps marriage is a form of sexual oppression for both men and women. I've had many lonely middle aged married women contact me (Not me purposely searching as such) because their husbands have become couch potatoes and boozers They take no interest in them and don't even talk. It what I call the 'anesthetic of familiarity', they become bored with each other. Such people should join swingers clubs.

[DrMontague]

2. Perhaps we should be realistic about life and throw of the notion of one sexual partner for life. If you research the history of marriage then you will see how it has changed over time and place. We find they are all oppressive and exploitative to some degree. 'Not Mine' I think I might here you say. Well the nuclear marriage was and still is oppression of women.

[DrMontague]

3.The man goes out to work and the woman stays at home child rearing. It suits the capitalists because the women becomes a cheap source of labour i.e. a house wife who is dependent on her husband being the bread winner.

[DrMontague]

4. It strange how you insinuate that it is men who are largely responsible for extra marital affairs. I seen just as many women as men cheat on there partners. My sister is one such person as are some of her friends. Yet to listen to them talk you wouldn't think butter would melt in their mouths! They accuse blokes as being the bastards! I said to them one night 'Do not point out the spelk in your brother's eye when you fail to see the log sticking out of your own' !

[DrMontague]

5. Lets stop the silly belief that girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. BTW how do you know your husband isn't cheating? Yes it is always some Else's wife or husband. I note how you only considered hetero sexual marriages at risk, what about gay and lesbian civil partnerships or don't they count? Of course you always have to be careful when meeting somebody new. My advice is to always meet in a public place untill you get to know the person a bit better.

[myemeraldmind]

she hasnt said its the men that do this and women dont.... she is a woman who has dont this experience LISTEN she says MEN and WOMEN need to be careful and happily married PEOPLE get caught up in it and get lead into temptation so to speak

[DrMontague]

Her line of inquiry to be  solely based on heterosexual marriage. Her message insinuates that men are more likely to be cheating then women. How does she know that her husband isn't having an affair?! How do we know she's not having an affair? They could be both having affairs! The whole notion of affairs is that one partner doesn't know the other is having an affair! People have been having affairs long before the internet.

[DrMontague]

Nature controls whether the tide goes in or out, nature controls whether the the sun or moon rises. Nature does not not control marriage. Marriages are social constructs (i.e. mankind made as is nylon). We know this because marriage changes overtime and place. Why shouldn't a man have 3 wives? Why shouldn't a woman 4 husband? This one man one woman romantic marriage is really a very recent development as regards mankind. E.g. there have been plenty of political marriages in history Henry VIII

[DrMontague]

Sarah Kent appears to have what we call a functionalist view of marriage i.e. mummy, daddy, two point five kids, and a dog named spot. It could be argued that from a young age that we are indoctrinated into the institution of marriage because it is an agency of social control. Perhaps our notion of relationships need to change i.e. more open. We are indoctrinated from a young age that marriage is the path to happiness. There were plenty of divorces before the internet.

[myemeraldmind]

i think your reading to much into the message for one thing and for another, like i said before she is a female and yes she only did one side of the experiment because she is female, the experiment obviously isnt to prove solely that men are the ones who cheat, however it does prove that men are more aggressive with the idea of sex more than women, now if you want her to do another experiment why dont you just ask... and also try the experiment for your self and see what happens

[myemeraldmind]

all she is really saying with this is that it is easy to get wrapped up into liking people over the internet and having possible affairs, if you enjoy talking to a person of your same sexual orientation and you get close through writing each other its easy to get temped

[DrMontague]

1. She tends to place the emphasis on the man looking for an extra marital affair. If married man or woman are tempted then it tells me more about their marriage, otherwise they wouldn't be tempted in the first place! If they are both happily married but still tempted then this tells us that human being are sensation seekers and that the institution of marriage can not shackle this desire for extra marital sex. This is the reason some Islamic countries have strict control over women.

[DrMontague]

2. .. many Muslim women are not allowed to socialize freely. I disagree with state control of women because this can only mean the oppression of women. Further it puts more emphasis on women for societies ills rather then men. It's a bit like a men claiming they caught a sexual disease off a woman, they don't consider that the woman might have caught it off a man! In a liberal democracy it is up to each individual to exercise self control.

[myemeraldmind]

as far as your point about Islamic countries dont even talk about that its ridiculous how woman are treated in some of those areas and a man who cheats there does not get the same treatment as a woman who does in those countries and that has more to do with religion than anything else, and my next question to you is are you married or are you in a relationship that has lasted longer than 4 yrs if so then you could understand that over time sometimes you may think about "exploring"

[DrMontague]

I've already said that I hate he way some Islamic countries treat women or blame women. Why not talk about how disgraceful it is?! I've had many a cross word with Muslim men on the net. As regards those of us who live under western liberal democracy , I argue that it takes two to tango. I will say it again, affairs would happen with or without the internet. Most people I've known (men and women) who have had affairs wouldn't even know how to switch a computer on!

[myemeraldmind]

yes you have made that clear that affairs would occur with or with out the internet and i agree with you and they should be careful as well, married people who Do know how to use a computer and a social networking site should also be and even extra careful that is all this vlog is stating and yes it does take 2 people to have an affair that is obvious, Islamic veiws on this subject are horrible and irrelevant to this discussion we are not debating religion we are debating the acts of people

[DrMontague]

Comment boxes are difficult place to discuss things because we try to condense things down, therefore we don't get our message across clearly. However I don't agree that the internet makes it easier to be tempted, it is simply another way of being tempted. If you going to being tempted by a person online then it would be highly likely that you would be tempted at work, the pub, a night club, a girls night out , blokes night out etc.

[myemeraldmind]

okay lol good im glad we agree on something, and why not easier i think it does because writing things are easier then talking to someone in person and you can lie easily over the internet lol i am sure alot of people do that

[DrMontague]

To tell people to be careful not to be tempted when they go on social net workings to me sounds ludicrous because we are talking about adults who are considered responsible for their own actions. It does not matter what advice others might give. If you are the type of person who can be tempted then you are going to be be tempted!

[myemeraldmind]

anyone can be tempted we are human whats wrong with asking people to watch what they do? or what they say? whats wrong with wanting people to be safe and honest with their partners? there is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. they dont have to listen they can make there own choices. this is just to help people to be aware. no body is forcing opinions

[DrMontague]

Because if you are the type of person who can be be tempted then you are going to be tempted. It as silly as saying some one 'if you go to work tomorrow then don't be tempted to have an affair with a colleague because you might regret it! Any one who has an affair knows they are taking a risk regardless of how they meet.

[myemeraldmind]

people just need to think twice before they do take the risk its that simple

[DrMontague]

I agree. I've been tempted and turned it down. I asked myself do I really want to rip a family apart for a simple night of lust?! This doesn't mean I'm against people having extra marital sex. If you have strong sexual urges then we should in this day and age be open and honest. We should rid ourselves of the old Victorian values of sex and marriage. What's good about the internet, is that married couples can now meet with up with like minded people.

[myemeraldmind]

yep, and I have been temped too and turned it down so i understand where you are coming from, to each there own is right I honestly dont like to judge people who are swingers i have had friends who like to thats what kept them happy so whatever

[myemeraldmind]

if you tell me that you havent had those thoughts you are lying because its normal and common and if used right it can make a marriages sex life better

[DrMontague]

3. In my time I have had many married women approach me. This was long before the internet. Believe it or not it was myself who wouldn't let things go further. This certainly wasn't because I'm some handsome hunk of a guy. I think that married couples have the anesthetic of familiarity. They can become bored. They lose the sparkle of being first time lovers. Some will try to to experience it again. The internet is not to blame. Affairs would happen without the internet eg at work, thepub

[myemeraldmind]

well sir good for you that you didnt give into temptation, your still missing the point no body is accusing men of being cheaters by nature, just that people as a whole can be, she also says that this is not something that happens all of the time its just another way to be tempted and it can be dangerous and easier to get tempted, so its just another tool to have an affair not that it is to blame for cheating, i dont think your thinking as objectively as you think you are

[myemeraldmind]

she does tend to place emphasis on the man looking because she is a woman how many times do i have to say that? and yes you are right about if men and women are temped and act on that temptation then there maybe some issues within the marriage, and we as people are only human and we make mistakes so it is also plausible to have an affair with out issues so its more about the power of will then anything else

[infraredtechnician]

Entrapment..next stop...jeremy kyle