Birth Mothers Never Forget

[dinochickforever]

Too many children are given up due to a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I wish family preservation superseded family separation (adoption).

[TheTravelfool]

I was born 12/23/1984 in Rochester, NY and my birthmother named me Mary Theresa.

[MsReid101]

We have just adopted a baby boy through an private open adoption. We plan on letting him know from the beginning about the adoption. The birth parents live close to us and will be able to see him on a regular basis. i pray that he understand and never feels like he was not wanted. He is loved by so many and just has two sets of parents.

[xXEmoXxluver]

mi mom (bio) she was pregnant with me young.. :(

she was on welfare. her mom helped her out..

but not by much..

she gave me up for adoption... and i soon was adopted..

but i got pregnant...

and the family i live witj wasnt "suportive."

so since they said i got pregnant...

i had to keep the baby take care of her...

and her b~day is tomorrow on Christmas. :)..

i am so happii they told me to keep her,. :)

[acwtgr]

I was adopted myself. My bio mother remarried so I never met my bio father (then my mom left me fro drugs and parties). I got pregnant when I was 17 and placed my baby for adoption. I see her all the time, its an open adoption. I won't regret ever giving my baby a second chance at life and a better start than what I got :)

[maddieangel1116]

my mother back in the 60s was given up for adoption and she always wonderd who her real parents are but we have little in fo to go on and her adopted father died when she was young and her adopted mother was an alcoholic for many years and cant recolect much but god bless everyone in volved its hard to let go of your flesh but sometimes its the greatest gift of all but all involved lose a piece of themselves and never get it back till they find eachother agin

[Sammicsno]

Typical. The birth family is seen as a deficient, abusive, poor, one parent family that cannot adequately raise a child.  Truth is, many adoptive families are also single parent, abusive, poor families with less than ideal child rearing abilities. So where is the benefit?

[rslosberg1]

@Sammicsno this is so true, my adoptive family wasnt physically abusive, but it wasnt ahappy childhood. Some people canthave children for a reason, if you cant, then dont. If you can hold on with all your might

[MsReid101]

@rslosberg1 Do you really believe that because a women suffers from infertility that she does not deserve the chance to become a mother? Your comment "if you can't, then don't" strikes me as a very cold thing to say. Thats like telling someone who was born blind that they do not deserve to see. Yes i can not create life in my womb but i can still pocess the strong desire to be a mother. Adoption can be a great thing of love.

[MsReid101]

I am an adoptive mother and i know that i will never be able to replace my sons natural mother. She is irreplacable, but we do have an open adoption and he will be in contact with her and the natural father as much as they want to see him. I can not even imagine what they had to go through in there making the decsion to place him with me and my husband. Our goal is that our son always know how important he is to so many, and how we all love him beyond words.

[rslosberg1]

@MsReid101 I also appreciate that you support open adoption, from my point of view, being an adoptee, to know you are and where you come from means the world, and if you can have adoptive parents who embrace that it is truly an amazing thing. Your son is very very lucky.

[rslosberg1]

@MsReid101 I know it sounds cold, but put aside your emotions and desire to be a mother, dont you think that if you can't have a child, for whatever reason, that it is god, or whatever you believe in, telling you that maybe you shouldn't procreate. I am not trying to be mean or anything, just purely scientific. And 9 times out of 10 if a child is with its birth family it will end up better off. Read Primal Wound it talks all about the emotional stress of adoption that is innate in ALL adoptees

[MsReid101]

@rslosberg1 First off i do respect your opinion even if i do not agree with most of it. Again you do have another perspective that i will never be able to pocess. What i do know is that i love this little boy more than anything else and that i will do everything i can to show him that love. I can not believe that people are infertile because God believes they "should'nt" procreate, if that was the case then there would be a lot less humans in this world. A lot of people should not be parents.

[MsReid101]

@rslosberg1 And i am not saying that to be mean wither but its a truth. I do believe that what ever reason that he was meant to be a part of our family. I know it won't always be sunshine and roses for him, and he will have feelings that i will not be able to relate to, We do have family memebers and friends who are also adopted that i hope he can talk to when he gets older. I know we disagree but i do appreciate anymore insight you have, being that you would understand better then anyone

[rslosberg1]

@MsReid101 I was very angry when i wrote my responses. I know in my case my adoptive parents were unfit to be parents regardless if the child was biological or not. I have no idea what it is like to be infertile So I cant imagine what you have and continue to go through.

[MsReid101]

@rslosberg1 what he may be going through when he is older.

[nomorefunds]

@rslosberg1 . If a child is better off with its biological mother, then maybe these lazy birthmothers should keep their own child, and raise that child, instead of demanding someone else write the checks.

[rslosberg1]

@nomorefunds i dont think birth mothers demand someone else pay the checks. I am not even sure i would say birth mothers are lazy. Some birth mother really dont have anywhere to turn, they are pregnant, often time the father has left them, their family is ashamed, and they don't know what to do. I think its incredibly insensitive of you to say that. Yes they should try to raise their child, but its not because they are lazy gold diggers they are scared.

[MsReid101]

@rslosberg1 I cannot imagine what you have been through in being adopted, i just know what its like to be infertile but wanting to mother more then anything in the world. As i said above i can never replace my sons natural mother, i can just love him and support him in everyy way i can (not talking about in the way of money but love) In my heart i do believe adoption can be a great thing wiht the right circumstances. I support open adoption very much so.

[LiptonGuy]

Anybody know why a birth mom would refuse contact with their child ?

I was born in Poland in 73. Adopted by Americans in 75. Been living in the U.S. ever since

I've been searching for 12 years. I recently hired a search firm in Poland

They researched civil registries in Warsaw and found out who my mom was. She was a 21 yr old lab assistant when I was born

The Polish gov't sent her a letter, but she refused to give them permision to forward her address to me

Still stunned

[Sammicsno]

Lipton guy, I am so sorry. But don't give up. Join a support group if you can, it is so important.

Could be she is scared. She may be scared that you are angry. Could be her family doesn't know. Please, get some support for yourself. None of this is your fault.

[Houseitch]

@LiptonGuy

she will deal with it in her own time; perhaps she has a family & no one knows of this. Don't give up, try again later.

[rslosberg1]

@LiptonGuy i understand what you are going through, its really hard, and there will probably never be closure . Your comment was a long time ago, i hope you have at least found peace if things have not changed.

[pqmomof3]

I was adopted as an infant. I found out that I was adopted at the age of 13. I was really pissed off! And not to mention confused. I was born in August of 1966 and still looking for my birth parents. I have very loving parents but there is still an emptyness in my heart. I have no information on my birth parents so I feel that I will NEVER find them.

[Sammicsno]

Pqmomof3, I am so sorry; 13 is very late to be told you're adopted. I don't blame you for being angry. I wish you all the best in your search. And I understand your emptiness and sadness. Get some support.

[barbestabrooks]

I am the woman in the video. When my son was born in 1966 he was taken...NOT given up. I was coerced and adoption was cloaked in platitudes like "doing the loving/right thing". I was deemed unworthy to raise him because I was not married and I believed it.

I was not allowed to see him in the hospital.

If you are adopted please don't assume your mother didn't love and want to raise you. You were given to others to raise because of the stigma and shame associated with sex outside of marriage. BE

[rslosberg1]

@barbestabrooks thank you for posting that, unlike many adoptees i dont feel given up, i feel so much sympathy for my birthmother because it was so common to go through what you just described, the world was not a loving place for a single unwed pregnant woman. I love your video so much, even though it makes me cry so much, it helps me connect with my birth mother because i believe she went through something similiar.

[adoptionrocks06]

I am a fellow birthmother. And I think about my children every day. A year ago on birthmothers day I gave up for my 14 month old son for adoption..Its still so hard but I have been able to get through it, with the support of my family and my friends and my faith in God. I don't blame others for my desicion. I blame myself for getting myself intot the situation of not being able to raise them myself.

God Bless You All!

Vanessa

[crapland]

Any woman who is willing to put their baby up for adoption is very loving and brave.

[vanillapie]

As long as they don't blame others for the decision they made.

[barbestabrooks]

Vanillapie are you the voice of experience?

I blame myself for being naive and surrendering. Is that what you mean by "the decision"? I certainly made NO decision...it was made for me.

[leonbergersforever]

my mum and father gave me up for adoption i think its the worst fing they ever did

[barbestabrooks]

I am so sorry to hear you say that. Please know that they may have had no more choice than I did. I would not have been able to get a job because of the stigma of being a single mom even though I was educated and 20 years old. The big baby scoop of the 50's through the 70's was despicable.

I hope you find your family. They are likely still grieving that they lost you to adoption.

[barbestabrooks]

sorry crapland but that is a fallacy. We were not loving and brave. We were scared and submissive. We felt we had no rights because we had done this terrible thing...we felt we actually deserved to lose our babies.

Thank God women have changed and so has society. It is no longer acceptable to take a baby from it's mother so that another "more deserving" mother can have it. That's why there are so few babies available for adoption today.

Adopters feel better thinking we were loving and brave

[mariarippy]

Awesome ... BIRTH MOTHERS DON't ever forget...Don't go reuniting with your relinquished child and ditching them years later without any explanation and or discussion.

[barbestabrooks]

I agree Mariarippy. I am so saddened by all the pain and suffering caused by the separation of mother and child. Too many lives were ruined because society was not willing to help people keep their families together. It was easier to create new families. Babies became pawns like in a game of chess. I suspect that your mother could not deal with the emotional rollercoaster of reunion. Not everyone can. I would bet that she loves you dearly but is too confused by her emotions. God bless you

[shrinkingviolett]

EXACTLY

[atruepie]

@barbestabrooks . Society does not owe a birthmother money to keep her child. We already pay too many taxes.

[rslosberg1]

@atruepie no one ever said that, keep your taxes and political agenda out of an important emotional conversation, are you even adopted or a birth mother? if not go screw you dont belong here

[Yadichick81]

GOD BLESS ALL MOTHERS AROUND THE WORLD. A Mother is not one who jus gives birth but one that loves and raises her children. I love you MOM.