Disney Geneticists Debut New Child Stars

[MrWaddefak]

@ENTERRAPTURE20 plz stop spamming your unrelated bullshit.

Thank you.

[Kathyjr13]

I love scanning the comments for the one person who always believe these videos are real.

[DemoraX]

so THATS were zach efron went :P

[MrGaGaLittleMonster1]

Fake Duhh :L

[mlovecraftr]

Zach Efron reminds me of Daniela Sea

[lokafantasi]

ajajaj biejos picados seguros a sus hijos no los aceptaron en disney xDDD

[Anon371]

>Quote video

>Get thumbs up

[thekittyupstairs]

haha!!!!!! i'm a half-japanese half-indian girl, and i snowboard :P

[Fergaluie]

"Zack's skin will soon begin to dissolve"....... hahah omg, this kills me

[1jim3bob]

Disney: FUCK how did they find out

[mrrutledge1967]

Not only funny but also scary knowing that their is a possibility that it could in fact be the truth disguised as a joke in a psyops experiment. The Onion seems to know the fine line in your minds and is fishing for reactions while laughing at you laughing at them. These stories are not so crazy.

[steelydrwu]

The thickness of the Eyebrows and the dead Eyes comes from someone flicking a Booger in the growth solution in the early stages.

[metznimbo29]

OOH. So Justin Bieber(model 4302-X) was a failed model and was deported to Canada.

[WOLFNBEAST]

@metznimbo29 but they had a shortage of preteen pop singers, so he was re acquired. his voice will slowly decay with age until he'll just be like any other Canadian; someone nobody gives a shit about

[MysticalAbe]

I watched the whole thing thinking it was real.. I think I'm too high..

[someguy1448]

If it didn't say onion news I would have thought it was from fox

[Oldasiankid]

@SupportSmileyMiley Did anyone say they believed this?

[TheRealBibwitHarte]

Thank you for quoting the video because I'm deaf and can't hear what they're saying.

[gokusam1]

@TheRealBibwitHarte reallyy?! awwwww :( *hugs*

[bcouce]

@TheRealBibwitHarte I'm blind. Please post pictures of what happened with these quotes in caption.

[TurtlesinParadise]

@TheRealBibwitHarte *psst* look below you

[wertyterty5]

rofl

[truplayaa87]

I used to have a soul, but then I got shot in the knee.

[capricorncoool]

Guys they are talking all the sense in the world in joke! =O

[kendrat199]

Half japanese, half indian girl, which you'd never find in real life. hahaha

[ClappingWalrus]

"Its hard for me to watch because all I can see are my mistakes."

This had me on the floor!

[Blankname101]

@ClappingWalrus Ha!!

[monikaelle]

hahahaha

[bioniclefan1999]

313 little girls though this was real

[xJoeEDangerouslyx]

I'd like to get my very own Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Hillary Duff. I'd also be into that iCarly chick. Oh yeah, and there's this chick called Victoria Justice... Wow.

Shut up. They're all legal. Besides, you were thinking it too.

Okay, Gomez might not be, but she's close. Besides, don't pretend they're not hot before their 18th birthdays.

[creolelady89]

@xJoeEDangerouslyx gomez is 18 lol

[Peace722]

mumbo jumbo. 

[jessjess90016]

-___-..stupid

[DAN5675able]

can you create another selena gomez? I'm not going to do anything to it really. Okay fine I will admit I want it just to have sex with it.

[PoppaSmurph67]

haha!!! iLove pranking everyone by emailing this to ppl and making them think its REALL!!!!! LML <3

[emaoneluv]

Hahahahah i love this!!! KEEP UP THE INFORMATIVE NEWS ONION!!! :P

[addalilirishtourgame]

"it's hard for me to watch 'cause all i see is all my mistakes" ROFL

[gamerxavier8]

Seems Legit...

[tllewellyn11]

Haha the ad i saw before this was Disney Living

[chodeshadar18]

Zac Ephron...He looks SO real!

[LordPrick]

What Kind Of Name Is "Efron" ANYWAYS????

[seppukuification925]

@LordPrick they may be talking shit to Enron, if you even know what Enron is

[LordPrick]

@seppukuification925 Yeah!!! That "F'Ing" Enron!!!!

[TheAmethystScorpion]

Somehow I have the creepy feeling this isn't just satire.

[chancy319]

ROFL!!!!! "For example our new model, Haley, is a singing, dancing, snowboarding, half-Japanese, half-Indian girl. Finding her in reality would be impossible".

[LN1992]

5-10 Releance Expectancy LOL!

[TheYouwontgetit]

i thought those were real people...

[mikekegger]

@TheYouwontgetit Troll...

[TheYouwontgetit]

@mikekegger ...i really thought that...

[DaGavinX]

LMAO. I can totally see the deadness around his eyes.

[bollocks2who]

5-10 YEARS RELEVANCE!! LMAO BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!

[bollocks2who]

0:59 is the funniest thing ever! LOL! Little robot girl and scientist making sure she functions properly!

[MidiMuse]

This is fucking brilliant.

[a3j3h385]

Haha his eyes do look dead...

[NoTrueFace1]

peole are saying that Black and Beiber and so on aren't Disney products. What you don't realize is that Disney secretly owns half of the corporations on earth. They can't publicly be known to support say, a Britney Spears style slut, but they still want the profits. So they do it through companies that no one realizes they own.

[NoTrueFace1]

@GabrielcPlummer

it's funny because it is true

[TheMarkAnthony15]

it looks so fucking real lol

[SuperCeol]

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

[thefamoussinger101]

FAKE AND GAY

[prankcallz444]

@thefamoussinger101 man, you are stupid. of course it is fake. that's what the onion is -.-

[insomniak1990]

I know it's an illusion, but I SWEAR I can see the deadness in Zac Efron's eyes when they mention it.

[Ghestahl2006]

ROTFLMAO

[guitarhamster102]

Haley is hot =)

[nightslayer78]

one thing that's always bothered me about the onion news, is that how can they afford of the nice things? and hiring these people that seem well off... is it all donated? and do the actors volunteer?

[ashliebelle]

@nightslayer78 The Onion gets a lot of money from advertising. They pay their actors with that money.

[nightslayer78]

@ashliebelle all i've ever seen is stuff on youtube and i know alot of these youtube guys aren't making that much money. you can tell from their homes and what they wear.

[ashliebelle]

@nightslayer78 Except The Onion isn't exclusively on YouTube. They have been around since before the internet. They make money from advertising on their high-traffic website and from merchandise.

[bagyourface]

i was reading about that musician Matisyahu on wikipedia and it said "american hasidic jewish reggae musician" and i was reminded of haley the "singing dancing snowboarding half japanese half indian girl."

[lcowles]

LOLOLOLOL My Lord, is this funny!

[hmourad19]

Why do people actually like this crap

[djay00009]

@hmourad19 this is the onion idiot , watch other onion videos before commenting

[hmourad19]

This is so fake

[haymaker710]

@MrCommentTroll Rebecca Black is not a Disney product.

[hmourad19]

Lies

[hmourad19]

So they are fake people?

[TheMasterSlasher]

@hmourad19 Yes.

[EWillard44]

One of the largest failures of the program was justin bieber.



[laquera640]

@EWillard44 hes not disney

[EWillard44]

@laquera640  Your right. He's not Disney. Everything is disney!!!!

[csgrambauer2]

@EWillard44 The Justin Bieber you speak of, was the result of a runaway trojan virus that took over the empty body shell. The XX-01-09 model 'Justin Bieber' was only meant to be the janitor for Disney Genetic Engineering Lab. All attempts to shut down this unit has proved unsuccessful as the virus has mutated beyond comprehension. The D.G.E.L. may one day just simply press the self-destruct button before this unit gets too far out of control and infect other future units.

[EWillard44]

@csgrambauer2 Exactly I was only simplifying that!

[m1c000l]

@EWillard44 he wasn't a failure he was an example to the world about how this technology could be misused 

[XblackswanXx]

@EWillard44 Justin Beiber has nothing to do with Disney, He's an independant artist...

[CrystalYoshi]

I remember seeing this when I was young... I thought this was real...

[NickyAmerica]

Heres how you create them...

Shit in a can and give it a music book.

[EWillard44]

@NickyAmerica  LOL YES

[jacobrecker]

I get this weird 700 club feel when i watch Today Now

[Aredude67]

is this really real?

[foxyfer01]

@Aredude67

YES

[Aredude67]

@foxyfer01 no its not

[pr00de]

@Aredude67 Of course it is.

[X3lfl3X]

@Aredude67 could be man Eugenics programs have been going since the 30's

[Chunkboi]

Look, this is clearly fake. The only disney clones are the ones that walk around the theme parks wearing staff badges with assumed names on them. These Disney "stars" that have appeared since the mid 90's are the product of a society deprived of a proper arts education. Reality TV has only made this problem worse.

[liamsp544]

@Chunkboi YOU ARE TROL LOLOLOLZ

[TheLiftoffExperement]

The onion is great

[CoolKabbage]

@MrCommentTroll Rebeccablack isn't disney?

[SupportSmileyMiley]

Wtf is this? Disney stars were NOT made in a lab. They are real people with real feelings. What makes them diffrent from you reading this and me? Nothing. I cant believe people believe this crap! If you believe this, you must be SO ignorante its not even funny. This is some sick bastard trying to make some money, off of lies. Explain how we have baby pictures of Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovtato, Selena Gomez, dont you think they would have kept them and trained them if this was true?

[yusiftheranger]

@SupportSmileyMiley ...LOL

[SupportSmileyMiley]

@yusiftheranger Go fuck yourself

[yusiftheranger]

@SupportSmileyMiley ruude.. But I ain't gonna f you back.

[SupportSmileyMiley]

@yusiftheranger Ok, probally get like herps or something.

[yusiftheranger]

@SupportSmileyMiley ...

[SupportSmileyMiley]

@yusiftheranger What was it a big word or something?

[Drbetterthanyou]

i was about to type like 5 paragraphs then i relized u were trolling #ifeelstupid

[bagyourface]

@SupportSmileyMiley lol you really are ridiculously stupid if you don't know what the Onion is about.

[murkraz]

@SupportSmileyMiley You're a fucking idiot.

[SupportSmileyMiley]

@murkraz Dont talk bad about yourself.

[murkraz]

@SupportSmileyMiley Hey, you took it seriously.

[TheSTOOPKID12345]

@SupportSmileyMiley wow get a life get a sense of humour and get the fuck out its a joke you fucking cuntwash faggot

[SupportSmileyMiley]

@TheSTOOPKID12345 Honey you shouldnt talk about yourself like that.

[djay00009]

@SupportSmileyMiley ahaha :S , watch other Onion videos , Onion makes fun of everything , Its obvious , they are real , but the onion is awesome ,watch other parodies and take things as a joke :D

[AKwheeler907]

i knew disney actors weren't real! 

[Nexoric]

What is this? I just randomly saw this link on a site and I don't know what the fuck they're talking about?

[discolemonade719]

@Nexoric It's a news report about the genetically engineered Disney products, duh.

[Ashfordly]

From now on, every morning I'll make myself a cup of coffee and watch a "Today Now!" Thats the key for a perfect morning.

[geffrod]

People. calm down. I realize the excitement and nervousness you must feel when you realize the truth about the test-tube creations, but keep the "fake" other condemnations of science to yourself. False accusations can only be construed as your own insecurities projecting themselves, and any uncalled for attack against hard-working geneticists that bring wholesome entertainment once per two hundred batches of fetus samples, is hate-speech borderline slander.

[mhLeonard]

It is a real news agency but the stories are fake

[ScarkProductions]

Try an Palestinian/israel kid

[BlackOpAim]

is this real??

[ChocoMMs]

yes.

[garethgopie]

this was rel mean n funny at the same time

[petz578]

And that's why you'll never be the singing Disney actress you always dreamed of being.

[precious565]

So fucking fakee!!!!!!! lmaoo

[Sanvorae]

@precious565 no it's not. It's real.

[precious565]

@Sanvorae

Haha then you believe crap, :P Dude its obviously fake lol

[Sanvorae]

@precious565 No bro, the onion is a real news agency. 

[Katana991]

@precious565 I wouldn't be surprised if it was real lol!

[precious565]

@Sanvorae This was in 2008 and none of those people in 2011 are out like, "T.J" Or "Bryan & Ben" OR "Haley". Like they said in the video . Its fake :I

[Sanvorae]

@precious565 Disney Canceled the projects after very bad reviews during screenings and pre=releases.

[Ljungman42]

This is 100% true!!!

[soccerfan384]

Hmm...the stars of the new "Ant Farm" show must be recently made. I give them...about 3 seasons max before the get to "old" and are not entertaining anymore.

[Mascon2009]

pleas help me!! sorry for link but i need your help!! /watch?v=FqzrOtTvdMU

[TheNicky9905]

oh how i love the onion news! it never ceases to amaze me just how many people post comments saying this must be a joke, OH COURSE ITS REAL!!! hehe:)

[0on0o]

His skin will start to dissolve LMAO!

[DolphinOracle]

i think this must be joke or hallusination, some reflection from future....anyway, do they create donald and mickey soon to life?

[djjosh34445]

@GreyseerQuilny Your retarted

[Givehelptotheclueles]

That was horrible that they would really CREATE singers with help of beakers.

[rhaduh]

i wish i lived in a paralel univers in wich this was real

[giniethesinger]

Hahahaha I love this :)

[TheTapeExam]

HAHAHA, 5-10 relevency! hahah

[bannapower77890]

this was a joke right???.........RIGHT?????

[Spectre1545]

@bannapower77890

What do you think.

[halfevilmexican333]

hey! my g/f is japanese and indian!

[CpsLock3]

@halfevilmexican333 Did her grandma grown up in the holocost to while she was oversees monitoring abnormal whale growth?

[Werechimps1]

Everytime i hear about a new disney star i think of this lol

[sn299]

the onion is THE.BIGGEST. TROLL. EVAARRR.

[MrBigEnchilada]

this is sad and true....

[Sydothera]

@GreyseerQuilny Whoa man, calm down, it's a joke.

[DarkPanthera]

*Zac Effron*: ''I'm sorry it's hard for me to watch coz all I see are my mistakes"

OUCH. imagine hearing that from your parents LOL

[aquason11]

@DarkPanthera EPIC

[Darkspirith]

haha the zac efron bit was pure genius.

[dolphinsredskins]

oh my godness we have to stem cell research or else we may get another bieber

[TheBlackStar999]

@GreyseerQuilny How's life on Planet Crazy?

[TheBlackStar999]

Other scientist-added attributes:

-Acting in unfunny teen sitcoms

-Releasing bargain bin albums that don't even sell at Wal-Mart

-Developing alcohol and drug problems in adulthood when their 15 minutes of fame are over

[erzan]

''I'm sorry its hard for me to watch because all I see is my mistakes'' ROFL! OUCH!

[BensMovieStudio]

I wonder what Zac Efron's reaction is when he watches this.

[DisneyNick101]

This is freaky and weird... is this real? couldn't be

[LexaKaulitz]

Bullshit or what?

[timebandit754]

idiots! XxharounXx is just joking about how all the Disney stars seem genetically engineered! (or are you guys joking too?)

[lifeisfunwithpeople]

this is trolling

[mrscoollike333]

I don't think some people are really getting the concept of satire

[clover123ize]

Go and watch my two best friends Lilly and Mara sing a song in Latvian! The video is called clover123ize!

[CyrusAUSTRALIA]

WTF? how does disney get their own babies. why are you reporting bullshit?

[VerendumProductions]

@CyrusAUSTRALIA It's a joke, dumb ass.

[CyrusAUSTRALIA]

@VerendumProductions i don't care they shouldnt be reporting on bullshit. Report some real news and maybe people will start to watch 'The Onion News'

[VerendumProductions]

@CyrusAUSTRALIA EVERY video they make is a joke. "...maybe people will start to watch 'Th Onion News'..."

*points at 1,512,604 views on this video alone*

[DarthFennec]

@CyrusAUSTRALIA ... Can't tell if trolling ... or just very stupid ...

[godzillafights]

@CyrusAUSTRALIA oh yeah millions of view is noth pssht THERE PARODING FOX AND OTHERS

[HammylthelHamster]

today NOW! =D

[MajorHuggles]

It's hard for me to look because I see all of my mistakes...

I love The Onion.

[SimRose1]

Om gosh this is so freaky its probably going to be the future in like 2900

[stfwho]

@SimRose1 try 2012

[picklelinagg11]

@hatakah  huh?? was that? (satire) they r lieing they r all reall ppl u cant make ppl or do you mean like they raise kids and force them to do stuff like singing dancing and stuff like that ??? i so confused!!!!

[LifeMustard]

Does this mean that...all of the other reports were true too?

Just kidding. Love you, Onion. Keep it up.

[nyampirenyatenshi]

i know a natural born girl with at least 7 types of blood.

Scottish, Irish, Polish, American Indian, Swedish, German and Welsh.

Not "grown" and has a perfect ear. Also a sophisticated bilingual translator and University lecturer.

Oh, and a normal life span. thank g.

[raelovesyou98]

@nyampirenyatenshi yeah like me im hawaiian jamacian portuges filipino chinnese and puerto rican