SICK JOKES

[braeji]

u have some lovely dick suckin' lips <3

[lonesomedove209]

Id tap that!!

[gypsyymariee]

if u dont like what she has to say, leave. no need to make rude comments! ur awesome, funny as. australia loves ya! xx

[71bb1]

were r u from

[Radiniom]

All i can say as reply to u and this video.... ''.......uhmm...not..even funny....some jokes are funny but they need the right man/woman to tell them.... u are just not made for tellin jokes. sry.''

[bubasa87]

Subtitles?

[Steadman93]

So Luis Suarez has refused to shake Patrice Evra's hand at the recent Man U - Liverpool game...

Well, it won't be the first time a white man has left a black man hanging.

[Steadman93]

"What do you call two parallel lines of vegetables?" I asked my girlfriend.

"Oh, I know this one!" She said, "It's a dual cabbageway!"

"No," I replied, "An intensive care unit".

[danielle8192]

your so gorgeous

[johnbarnden123]

whats black and blue and hates sex? ,,,the 10 year old boy in the trunk of my car

[fan4freddie]

@johnbarnden123 i WOULD vote up but it's just so wrong! LMFAO

[chloemarkham97]

DQO91 you sick pervertttttttt!

[ElizabethBailliex]

Got me in stitches :L x

[DQO91]

Only jokes If you get offended too Bad

1.What do you call the useless meat round a vagina?? A Woman

2.whats harded then killing a baby??

my dick while iam killing it

3.whats the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus??

you only need one nail to hang the picture of jesus not 3

[MrEEL96]

he he youre funny

[tokeitup91]

Why are blondes and peanut butter similar? They both spread easily! By the way I love your accent! Is it scottish?

[smudge67er]

You're jokes are gash. But I'd give you one up the gary.

[Kris0203]

Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old. - The doctor came out of the maternity ward and said, "Mr Smith, I'm afraid your baby was still born." I asked, "What, STILL, after all the shit I did to kill it?!" I've just bought some baby oil. That should stop the little bastards sticking to the pan. - Did you know that the vaginal tissue in the female anatomy is among the last to decompose in the whole body? Neither did I, but was fucking chuffed when I found out. -

[mitchaxeman12345]

lol buuk

[Beckylazymaiden24]

@jsmith19810808081 Lol

[Beckylazymaiden24]

@Salvatoreska :o that's really mean wow where yu get that joke from

[Beckylazymaiden24]

@1334yoyo An wats the point watchin these videos just to leave bad comments it's pathetic tbf

[Beckylazymaiden24]

@1334yoyo Well yur lame then

[greengrl911]

what comes in hard, comes out soft, and you chew in a wad? bubble gum haha

[1334yoyo]

this is gay like wtf they arnt even funny bro ........and btw i fine that offensive about the women jokes..... like who the fuck would make a joke up about fucking periods like I dont think its funny...... I think its immature to laugh at that

[jaguars2070]

@1334yoyo SHUT UP 

[Beckylazymaiden24]

This is a sick joke. What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.

[CYPRiiOTCHiiCK]

What would Postman Pat's name be if he lost his job?

.... Pat.

:)

[XxDarkViolenceOo]

Not to be stalkerish but ... what country do u live :S

[sweetgirl00002]

@XxDarkViolenceOo her voice sound Brittish so she is probably from the U.K i may b wronq tho

[XxDarkViolenceOo]

@sweetgirl00002 Oh really? Cause I think she sounds Jamaican..

[sweetgirl00002]

@XxDarkViolenceOo Yea i have a accent and it sounds pretty much close to my accent

[CYPRiiOTCHiiCK]

@XxDarkViolenceOo

She's from the UK, in Newcastle.

[XxDarkViolenceOo]

@CYPRiiOTCHiiCK Oh ok thanks

[CYPRiiOTCHiiCK]

@XxDarkViolenceOo

You're welcome. :)

[TangerineWizard123]

HOT

[AssyrianSoldier1933]

Fuck the jokes you are hot ;)

[Salvatoreska]

How many jews can u fit in a volkswagen?

50, 3 in the back 2 in the front and 45 in the ash tray...

[121314151617181943]

@Salvatoreska *6 million 

[Salvatoreska]

@121314151617181943 works with any number just didnt wanna type out 5,999,995 lol

[skeetlebum]

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

[skeetlebum]

What's got one ball and fucks women?

Peter Sutcliffe's hammer.

[skeetlebum]

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?

A dead epileptic

[OhhhSpider]

she is freaking hot!

[codeman2557]

Those jokes were dirtier then fingering your sister and finding your dads wedding ring!

[hawtpink97]

A man just got out of jail,and he was in the mood for eating out a girl.He wanted to do any girl,so he went up to an 80-year-old lady and said,"How much?" The old lady replies,"$25"So while he goes down on her,she says,"It's dry.Let me go make it wet."So the old lady goes into the bathroom and comes back out.This time,it's wet and he licks up all the juice.He then says,"How'd you get it wet so fast?"The old lady says,"I ripped the scab off and let all the pus pour out."

[Stratahoovius]

If only Africa had more mosquito nets.....

then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.

[codeman2557]

@Stratahoovius LOL JIMMY CAR

[NickStoneX]

I have a better one:

-Dad the teacher is calling you in school.

-What? Why?

-Remember when i asked you to help me with my homework about "What we Love"

-Yes?

-Well, the teacher didn't like the things about the strip and masturbation...

[WdsM1]

The best one is the periods joke. Top Joke.

[jsmith19810808081]

How do you get jews into a car?

Throw a tenner in.

How do you get the jews out of a car? Tell them Hitlers driving it.

[trent1047]

wat is your number you are fine

[qwertyx45]

your last joke was pretty clever (:

[Gretzle123]

a man gos in to a shop and gets some real human skin shoes, but there 100,000 pounds, he sas have u got eny cheper ones the shop keeper Ripleys yer iv got some in black for 62p

[ukstanduptv100]

@Gretzle123 hhhmmmmmmm... nah

[MrTrollMcTrollington]

What's pink and squeels like a pig?

A baby in a bag of salt

[TheNiikki1]

Cant....stop....staring...at..­...eyes....O.O

[bitchilovu]

U make my Weiner harder than raping a cheetah!

[dornravlin]

did you hear secretary isnt afical until screwed on desk

[dornravlin]

those jokes make no sence

[360anWHAT]

what do u call to epaleptics in a swimming pool..................

a jacooze . sorry for bad spelling :S

[NxGenScOpEs]

ur mums so black it makes black people look white

[jetplane2006]

2:16

ha ha. She is crazy funny and cute!

[shawn4201111]

love ur eyes

[AingealDubh]

Sooooooooo cute!

[Beastlyy2016]

How do you blindfold a chinese person? Grab the dental floss. XD

[machintruc313]

Wanna hear a really sick one? Replay your video.

[121314151617181943]

the beifits of rapeing someone in a wheelchair is that you only have to hold there arms down :)

[hot6235]

an australian sick/racist joke:

what's the difference between an aboriginal and a couch? a couch can support a family.

I hate this joke but... you did ask

[zacthebold]

What do you say if you wake up one night and see your TV floating in midair?

Freeze nigger!

If you've already heard that one I've got another that's as fresh as a niggers work boots.

[luke1234field1234]

why did the little girl have a stain on her dress?

she got dragged into a bush and got anally raped by a paedophile

[bryanbeatmeup]

That was a good laugh

Why'd the little girl fall of the swing

cause she didn't have any arms

[nalilix]

Half Of Theesse Jokes Are Not Funnyy.

[JonnyReadyReady]

please sort it oot so that your lips and voice are in sync, wigs me out diven ya naa.

[ian1281]

Here's one of my favorites...

Fucking Women...they get boob jobs, nose jobs, tummy tucks, botox, pierced nipples, tattoos, bikini wax and they say you cant stick it in her ass cus it HURTS!!!

[Malagora1]

message me anyone if u wanna hear a really sick 1

[GeorgeRCowley]

Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and 20 dead babies?

A: I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

For ta LoLs :D :D :D :D

[SamuelMoseleyIsFreak]

racist joke:

A man walks into a shop and tells the shopkeeper that he wants to buy brains.

The man looks at the assembled brains and reads out the prices.

Caucasion brains-£1.50 Asian brains-£1.00 and Nigger brains-£100.00

The man asked the shopkeeper why the nigger brains were so expensive and the shopkeeper said "You have to kill loads of niggers to get even one brain."

Bonus- What is white at the top and black at the bottom

Answer- society lol.

FUCKING NIGGERS!!!

[AzureKite619]

A married couple start doing it in their bedroom. In the middle of it, their 8 year old son walks in, saw what they were doing, and ran to his room. The mom says, "We have to talk to him." The dad says, "Let me talk to him." He walks to his son's room and opens the door. When he walks in, he sees the kid humping the grandma going up and down constantly. The kid turns around and says, "Not so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"

[shesblondieful]

i dont get the irish one?.. can someone explain please:L

[MysTic7861]

wanna here a joke. Women's rights.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

[BloodxBreath]

@MysTic7861 HA! Here's another. Whats the best way to stop a man from getting a woman pregnant? PRISON WHERE HE"S THE BITCH

[WellBeSerious12]

@MysTic7861 LOL! :D

[cheesemamma]

i love you.

[Jayx000]

Sweetheart i dont care how sick your jokes are, i aint joking around when i say get in my bed now.

[jayc342009]

@Jayx000 lol

[hottstuff911xoxo]

@Jayx000 i totally agree..and imma girl :p

[rayray20fan]

theres a little boy and hes mad so he kickes a cow and a chicken on his way to school and his mom sees and says ill deal with it wen he gets back from school. soo wen he gets back his mother says since u kicked a cow and a chikeen u cant have beef or chiken for dinner. then she says go to your room so ur dad can finish u off. so his dad gets back in a bad mood from work and kicks there cat and the boy says hey mom should i tell him he gets no pussy for dinner or do u wanna.

[WellBeSerious12]

@rayray20fan LOL

[masha5maria1965]

How do you turn a fox into an elaphent? Mary it.

Yo mama's so skrewed over her viganas been used more then google.

A man and his wife have been married for 40 years so a fairy comes and grants them 1 wish each. The wife asks to have loads of money to be able to pay for everything. So then it's the husbands turn, he thinks bout it and says "I wish to have a wife 30 years younger then me. His wish was granted, he turned 90 .

[NarutoAOF]

something is wrong with this woman! like for real! I'd still bang her though

[boogerhead6357]

whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?.... bout 60 lbs

why do brides wear white? ......to match the other appliences

[rtelecky1]

why cant black people ride in a convertible????

because there lips will beat them to death

[realbarbiegirl100]

what is the difference between a blowjob and a hurricane? it as suck and blow at the beginning but u dont lose you house at the end

i think people cud tell iv just made that up tbh :$

[tmthycnnlly]

Roses are red violets are blue that's what they tell because I'm blind

[tmthycnnlly]

Roses are red, violets are blue, that's what they tell, because I'm blind

[mizzpunk05]

why are blacks so good at basketball?

they know how to shoot, steal, and run. :P

[TheBaconlaser]

How do you castrate a Redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

[TheBaconlaser]

What happens when a Jew with an erection runs into a wall?

He breaks his nose.

[TheBaconlaser]

What do you get when you cross a black guy and an Octopus?

I don't know but it could sure pick a lot of Cotton.

[jonnybee1993]

what do you call a black man falling of a cliff

chocolate drop

what do you call him going back up

black magic

[mrlilryan1]

because your friend is irish doesnt make it ok

its like saying im not a pido some my best friends are kids

[bronipink16]

i was walking down the streat and a guy throws a block of cheese at me ...

i turn round and say thats so fucking mature!!!

funniest joke ever lmao xxxxx

[shorty23207]

okay there's a salvadoran, a mexican, a honduran, and a chilean in the car.. who's driving.??

Imigration lmao.

I'm hispanic so don't take it offensive guys :D!!

[TO7A88NIGHT]

your eyes .. are they contacts lens? they are amazing by hey way

[CartoonDraw]

Sucking the dogs cock didn't work :/ he came back for more...

[angelinaaox]

this made me laugh sooo much!!!

[andrew8833]

How do you fit a thousand jews in a car?

Throw a quarter in it.

How do you get them all out?

Tell 'em Hitler's driving.

[andrew8833]

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him…ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting, “Brian, wake up you drunken bastard, you’ve just shat in the bed!.”

[andrew8833]

ou’re ovulating,” explained the rooster, “don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before.”

Never,” replies Brian.

“Well just relax and let it happen.”

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

[andrew8833]

This isn’t so bad” he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, So you’re the new hen, how

are you enjoying your first day here?” It’s not so bad,” replies Brian, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”.

[andrew8833]

Brian was devasted, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

[andrew8833]

St Peter replied, “Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.”

[andrew8833]

“This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St Peter”. Brian was stunned “You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family…. you’ve got to send me back straight away”.

[andrew8833]

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you?” demanded Brian, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”. The mysterious Man answered,

[andrew8833]

Ok got it this is rather a long one but its very very very very funny lol

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

[andrew8833]

I have the ultimate one but I don't have the time to type it all out, you'll be in stitches lol.

[andrew8833]

How could ya leave the racist ones out lol, nah I know why because the idiotic trolls would slate it to pieces lol.

Soooo unfair!!!

[videogamenostalgia]

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?

A paedophiles ass.

[TinyHeart18]

love this vid :D

[YTthisisda]

fuck yo life

[leumaserdneg]

Love your videos, hope the english subtitles are coming soon !

[thatguywhodoesgames]

Sick jokes? Oh i got a SUPER OFFENSIVE one. Enjoy!

A Mother is at the hospital giving birth. The baby comes out and the doctor looks at it. He then punches it, knees it, elbows it and punts it out the window. The Mother is looking at him "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO"

The doctor looks at her laughing and says "APRIL FOOLS IT WAS ALREADY DEAD!"

I hope not to offend anyone. If i do i'm sorry.

[Kslowmo]

@thatguywhodoesgames

hahahaha

[BrutalXBernadette]

I love the jokes i just didnt like the two about the animals just because i love animals so much. The last one was too funny! p.s. youre really pretty(:

[TheSupafunky24]

I aint racist.

I've adopted a little African child, I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...

So to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.

[0vxixv0]

whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest.

acne doesn't cum on an 8 yr olds face's

[0vxixv0]

what do you call an all black abortion clinic.

Crimestoppers.

[0vxixv0]

What word beginning with N and ending R would you not want to call a black person.

Neighbour.

[TheFinisherMrC]

Just before an army goes into battle they can hear the drums of the opposing army in the distance.

The general of the army leans over to a Geordie soldier and says,

"They've got war drums"

The soldier replies,

"The thieving bastards"

[garysquirrelreviews]

its scary when you put fish eggs under your foreskin then they swim up your japs eye when theyve hatched.................

[RichyShields]

I took my girlfriend for an abortion today. Apparently its considered bad manners to pass round a bag of jelly babies in the waiting room. Ungrateful slags.

[MissDeadPanda]

whats brown and hides in the attic?

anne franks diarreah LOL

[wintoo13]

can someone explain the irish joke please ? :L

[thisizdamir]

@wintoo13 Because they are always drunk.

[wintoo13]

@thisizdamir oh. its obvious now. O.o

[RyanRocks1998]

Bingo has 75 balls btw.

[ben2nd]

Sometimes I wear a wig and lipstick when I masturbate in front of a mirror.... just so it doesn't get wierd

[TheShanbop]

Im irish and i think it's racist

[plentyggroover]

I LOVE YOUR ACCENT!!!

[DrBuddhaa]

YO SHIT IS FUNNY i would love to see more jokes !!!!

[def1l3r]

What do you call a black man flying through the air?

A PILOT you RACIST!

[jessydoll420]

@def1l3r hahah!! this is the same joke I got from kgb when i asked for a racist joke. At first they told me they wouldn't send a racist joke cuz it's well....racist and shit but I insisted and this is what they sent. I laughed my ass off though.

[AndrewArriola]

What color does a baby turn when you put it in a microwave?

I forgot ,I started to jerk off. HIYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[omfg450]

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again

[yasminN130]

Im Irish And I Think It's A Stupid Joke!

[thesixpackbeer111]

What u call a employment guy with skinny jeans

You

[SimplyComplexed11]

@undefinedabsolution _ ima scot haha

[UndefinedAbsolution]

Hell, I almost pissed myself at the Irish joke. I'm an Irishman myself. If you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at? (Scots. You can laugh at Scots.)

[misshasiahall]

lol im black well not really but a joke is a joke its all funny to me

[TheBaconlaser]

how many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? -WANNA RIDE BIKES?!?!

[akiraobrian]

This one's so ancient that it might be unknown by now ... ???

Q: How do you confuse an Irish man?

A: Give him two shovels and tell him to take a pick.

[akiraobrian]

Fuck apologizing for "racist jokes"

And don't bother with kike jokes -- kikes are funny, except for the bollocksco$t.

[TheBaconlaser]

Yeah I'm going to hell for this but "Why is it better to have a picture of Jesus than Jesus himself?" -IT ONLY TAKES 1 NAIL TO HANG THE PICTURE.

[AngelofHat]

@TheBaconlaser Bro, that was a nice one, but...you could you say that ;S You a muslim ?

[Droptopdestiny]

what do you call 42 rednecks chasing a queer?

jeff gordan leading a nascar race

[blulite127]

i just fell in love, marry me haidee?

[mickymockysallopets]

Whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Getting raped.

[thisizdamir]

@mickymockysallopets LOL

[MrWho76]

I was just fingering my gran and she farted.

How disgusting is that.

[MrWho76]

I read a story in the newspaper the other day about

a father who paid his daughter for sex. I was absolutely disgusted.

What kind of daughter charges her own father?